May 9th, 2012

The Queen Speaks

Given that it was Elliot and Hanning’s last tome on Dave that revealed how a mysterious call from Buckingham Palace had helped him get a foot in the door at Conservative Central Office, you don’t need much salt with their latest suggestion that Palace officials had warned the then Leader of the Opposition about employing Andy Coulson in Downing Street. Given he was the editor at the time William was hacked by Clive Goodman, it’s not hard to see why the were concerned…

With convenient timing their new book serialised in this morning’s Times also gives the first inkling as to how cringeworthy Dave’s texts to Brooks are going to be when they are revealed at Leveson. Allegedly texting her after the story had blown up last summer, “Charlie Brooks told friends” that Cameron said to “keep her head up and she’d get through her difficulties.” Hardly a killer blow, but red faces all round…

Oliver Letwin’s quote looks like the first attempt at a fightback: “If you are on the same side as her, you have to see her every week. This was how it worked.” Probably true, but unlike with Blair and Brown, Dave has a paper trail…


  1. 1
    tottenham chutzpah says:

    we wanna hear it from the horse’s mouth

    thereby will hang a tail


    • 25
      Nom Dom Nom says:

      The horse or the Donkey?


      • 52
        Osama the Nazarene says:

        This surely is a non story. I delete almost all my texts as soon as I’ve read them. Is there some Big Brother organisation which stores all texts ever sent?


        • 56
          GCQH says:



          • Former Colleague says:

            That’s how Handycock’s ‘sexy texts’ found their way into the Sunday papers.


          • Another PM please says:

            Why do you think the Tory’s got hammered at the polls recently.

            Cameron refuses to answer PMQ’s and rages like a psycho instead. He says the govt will concentrate on growth without giving a single solid detail or policy on how he’ll achieve this, thinking the public will fail to notice that there hasn’t been any growth in 2 years.

            He gets himself embroiled in all sorts of innapropriate nonsense like this and thinks the public won’t notice providing he addresses the workforce of an Essex factory sans jacket.

            He’s all buzzwords and image. Prime ministerial he aint.


          • Osama the Nazarene says:

            Well I never, how naive of me, BB rules.


        • 66
          sockpuppet #4 says:

          How do you think an SMS gets from one phone to another?

          The data goes through all sorts of computer systems.


    • 83
      Puka Pie says:

      “it’s not hard to see why the were concerned…!

      They H@rry, they.


  2. 2
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Nice side-show, now how about the government and Bank of England deliberately wrecking the UK economy so crooked bankers and crooked politicians can buy up taxpayer and private assets on the cheap?


    • 22
      FartingHippo says:

      Did you forget to take your pills again, you silly-billy, you?


    • 43
      Anonymous says:

      not important I’m afraid
      the big story is muslims and some people’s hatred of them
      and tits of course, plenty of them here


      • 151

        And finally, in other news today a dog rides his owner’s skateboard and a paedophile gang of irrelevant ethnicity have been found guilty of systematically abusing vulnerable, young, white girls. But it’s oop north and the girls were white slags anyway so just lie back and bask in the enriching rays of cultural diversity.


    • 139
      Sir William Waad says:

      For some reason, politicians turn to bankers rather than economists to tell them what to do about the economy. They made the same mistake in the first Great Depression. At best, bankers know about banking and will act in the interests of the banking sector. They know a bit about economics, but the same could be said of football club managers – both need to know something about economics as it affects their business. Admittedly, econonmists themselves tend only to be able to tell you what to do about the crisis of 1873 but they have more idea than bankers and, importantly, they are less partial. The theory seems to be that, because bankers handle large sums of money, they have some good monetary magic about them, which is rather like assuming that the CEO of Thames Water will know how to unblock your drain.


  3. 3
    illogical says:

    Are you suggesting that her Maj could soon acheive core participant status at Leveson?????


    • 7
      Catarrh Royal Family says:

      Give Mohamed Al-Fayed core particpant status, this may go back further than you think


    • 10
      Her Maj says:

      We should have just arranged for Coulson to take a ride into a Paris tunnel.


    • 89
      illogical says:

      On second thoughts, if “a mysterious call from Buckingham Palace had helped him, [Dave] get a foot in the door at Conservative Central Office” I must assume that the call can be traced back to Prince Philip- Phil the Greek.
      Renowned for making gaffes this could be his greatest, though the question should also be asked was it a gaffe or vendetta against the conservative party. The guy has always had a twisted sense of humour and disliked any born with a silver spoon in their mouths.
      And people think just the dirty digger Murdoch has issues giving or removing support from those around him.


  4. 4
    Paddick says:



  5. 5
    George Galloway, cunting traitorous arsehole says:

    These 9 decent men from Rochdale are political prisoners and victims of a zionist conspiracy! Death to the West!


  6. 6
    Phwoooar says:

    Priti Patel on bbc news now. Yes please.


  7. 8
    George Galloway, cunting traitorous arsehole says:

    Free the Rochdale Nine! It’s all a z ion ist conspiracy!


    • 9
      Nom Dom Nom says:

      George it will be far more than 9 once this story has run, and wont just be Rochdale


    • 41
      maggie the dog says:

      And if we belive the police it was’nt because they thought white children were worthless


      • 53

        But not a single child of any other colour? If it walks like a racist, quacks like a racist and abuses children like a racist – it must be a misunderstood minority group in this “excuse a Huhne” society? When are the police, BBC and Gruniad going to merge to form one mega-company, called, say, Bullshit The Sheep Plc. ? Or Hackers ‘R’ Us?


        • 62
          Hoisted by their own petard says:

          Since mcpherson defined a racist incident as any incident perceived to be such by anyone,I and many others perceive this to be racist ( for very good reasons) and demand the Police treat it as such.


          • Legal Crook says:

            Clearly not if the CPS and the Chief Constable, say it is not. Or did they take their que from the Labour Home Office or Communities Minister the then Hazel Blears.


          • Legal Crook says:

            The judge said they were targeted because they were not of (their community or religion). I suggest that the judge is inclined to call this racist, but cannot because of the CPS decision.


        • 63
          bergen says:

          I’m afraid that the Guardian is tying itself in knots over this story and , very properly, is getting it in the neck in the comments as a result.


          • Polly from her Tuscan Estate says:

            Multiculturalism is the only way I’m afraid

            Sent from my iPad (the black one not the white one)


        • 112
          OBL says:

          If they’d tried this with young muslim girls, their headless bodies would be in the canal (and probably those of their families too).


        • 177
          Sir William Waad says:

          Some of the victims were, indeed, children of another colour. In any case, so what? The fact that some very bad people of Group X commit vile crimes against some people of Group Y should not affect the way normal people of those two groups behave towards each other.


      • 82
        Geoff, England (not Britain or 'United' KIngdom) says:

        And just how many of us in the real world believe Plod on this story?


      • 105
        misterned says:

        What was very telling was what a representative from the CPS said about why the original allegations did not make it to trial. He said that they thought that, [in spite of overwhelming physical evidence], they did not think that the girl would be believed. Funnily enough, the CPS representative saying this on the ITV news last night, happened to be a Pakistani Muslim. … So I wonder why he thought that the girl would not be believed? /sarc

        The Social service, police and CPS are INFESTED with harmful, racist, political correctness. Had the suspects been white, they would have already been in jail for over two years now. Instead these PC infested organisations have allowed their perverted political beliefs place the interests of child rapists above the interests of Justice and above the interests of the victims, so as to “not harm community relations”.


  8. 12
    Gordon Brown says:

    Sorry Rebekah I don’t ride horses. That other woman might – I will ask her the next time we are seen together in public


    • 161
      Smig says:

      Fibber. I’ve seen the pic of you on your rocking horse.

      Nursey will be along shortly with your tartrazine enema.


  9. 13
    Open borders says:

    All the Rochdale rapists are from Afghanistan and P a kistan. The fruits of unlimited immigration from muslim countries.


    • 17
      Shami Chakrabarti says:

      You sir should be locked up for this outrage. Even the term A S I A N is abhorrent and far to narrow in its meaning.
      After all Race is a social construct you know
      Please refer to our immigrant population as denizens from now on


      • 20
        Socialist Workers Party says:

        You madam are a fascist. The term denizen is an insult. This country is henceforth to be known as the Islamic Republic of Britainistan and these gentlemen should be called Sir.


        • 23
          The Loons says:

          Gender is a Social construct – legalise botty sex
          Race is a Social construct – unfettered immigration
          Religion is a Social construct – Don’t even go there

          This is why we are fucked


          • I was with you right up to the religion bit – because that IS a social construct.

            Ask the kids brought up in Catholic Church children’s homes in Ireland – they WERE fucked – by Priests.

            Religion – I shit it.


          • Nom Dom Nom says:

            Social constructs are a social construct


          • sockpuppet #4 says:

            Religion isn’t a social construct. God made them up, every one of them. Some of them as a bit of a practical joke.


          • misterned says:

            To: I am not Judging, But…, Of course the Catholic church had a serious and sickening problem with hiding and covering up paedophilia.

            However, can you point to ANY other organisation which has since been as open in accepting the reality of the problem and putting in place policies to tackle it, as the Catholic Church has?

            Islamic communities still practice incest and paedophilia as a matter of normality as our maternity hospitals can vouch for. With birth abnormalities within Islamic communities being far above that of the rest of the population.

            Even in other, non-religious organisations, child abuse continues and is covered up. Everything from child protection services to social services, the NHS, and elsewhere, there are paedophiles praying on children and too often, when allegations are made by the victim, or their families, nothing is done and the matter, quietly covered up if possible.


          • And others, I guess, as a horrible example?


          • sockpuppet #4 says:

            No. All of them practical jokes.

            Apart from the one that was invented by a fat bloke who thought his wife was too ugly to shag forever.


          • Don’t even try that shit with me. The head of the Catholic Church in Ireland covered it up, and won’t resign. “Oh I was only there to take notes and pass to higher authorities. The bigger boyos were supposed to do something, after I had SWORN THE CHILDREN TO SECRECY”

            Child abuse is not religion based, it is a sickness in some human beings. When religions use fear and threat to cover it up, I’d suggest napalm and nukes as a solution – just so they know what hellfire and brimstone is – a natural phenomena, not a fairy tale for children, frightened of the dark.

            This is ALL you get, we are not that important – get over it and get on with it.


      • 21

        The say ‘Asian’ to try and offhand lump in peaceful and innocent far eastern people into it but we all know it is MUSLIMS and that is what they should be referenced as.


      • 35
        Chamois ChickenButti says:

        Are you mounting a pogrom against red headed wimmin? – who next I wonder?


      • 42
        maggie the dog says:



    • 34
      Sophie says:

      And will the Lab / Con / Lib cabal of crooks who showered passports like confetti on this scum actually do something to protect white girls in the Uk now?

      Or are indigenous white girls necessary collateral damage – sacrificed on the alter of multi-culturalism?

      The least the guilty Lab / Con / Lib cabal of appeasing politically correct traitors can do is remove their citizenship & deprt them after their sentence.

      Will that happen? – no way – Muslim criminals & terrorists never get deported. Fact.

      And the BBC & metropolitan Kommentariat has the audacity to wonder why the socialist B_N_P is on the rise up North?


      • 60
        Nom Dom Nom says:

        Although I do agree, the problem is most are born in the UK and defacto are British citizens so where do you deport them to Bradford?


        • 109
          misterned says:

          Pop them on a plane and when it is outside of British airspace, kick the fuckers out of the plane!

          It’s not Rocket Science.


      • 64

        And the weather report today is heavy showers of UKIP trolls, so don’t forget your foil hats and to leave your common sense at home.



        • 114
          misterned says:

          I was always taught that the logical Fallacy of the Ad Hominem attack was to concede defeat in any logical argument, in lieu of being able to bring any actual, provable fact to a debate.

          I accept that you cannot debate factually and thank you for your participation. Read some facts and then try again.

          IF you want to attack UKIP and UKIP supporters, please stick to relevant facts, if you can.


          • Sorry misterned – did I touch a ickle sensitive spot there – never mind, hey.

            How’s that “getting MP’s into the HOC” coming on?

            Hows that for “facts”, you pontificating, pompous, primadonna parasite.


            (biology) A (generally undesirable) living organism that exists by stealing the resources needed by another (generally desirable) living organism. See flea, tick, mite.
            (pejorative) A useless person who always relies on other people’s work and gives nothing back.


          • sockpuppet #4 says:

            Is that an actual Ad Hom attack?

            Ad Hom might be a logical fallacy, but when has politics had anything to do with logic. Its 90% emotion.


          • True, true, Socky old chap.
            Have now had a cup of Assam and a Hobnob and am now fit to play nicely again.

            Do carry on, sorry for the interruption.


      • 67
        Well it's a thought says:

        Last night on local BBC news the Beeeeeeennnnnnnnnpppppppppp were a far right group demonstrating in Liverpool, do I think the BBC shouldn’t be broadcasting news until they are honest about broadcasting , yes I do, will Leveson bring the BBC to his whitewash party, will he hell.


      • 74
        maggie the dog says:

        We’ve always been good at importing shit


      • 102
        I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

        They wanted white girls because no one in their right mind wants to fuck an ugly Asian Hunt (Except other Asians pricks, I suppose)


    • 59
      Asif says:

      Copper commenting on TV says ” Not race based. We are investigating cases of grooming by whites ” ……..Don’t wait up.


      • 65
        Hoisted by their own petard says:

        And are these white gangs grooming the girls because of their race ?


      • 99
        I Remember You Hoo says:

        Never, ever, disregard the utter politically correct stupidity, of the police.


        • 122
          misterned says:

          Not just the police, but the CPS and social services too. They all put their own Political PC beliefs and interests above the interests of the victims.


      • 116
        misterned says:

        White people do groom kids too. However these tend to be individuals who target specific kids based on locality, ease of access, and just age. They are not racially motivated and tend not to operate in gangs to groom lots of kids based on the kid’s own race.

        Their are also paedophile rings who have members from all races and who infiltrate positions of power and influence over children. They operate from within social services, schools, hospitals, the police and judiciary.

        Holly Greig’s case is a case in point.

        However there are more and more “Asian Gangs” who operate within their own racial/religious community and base their victim selection on the race of the victim, and who use their own racial/religious community as a shield to cover-up offences. They cynically exploit their own race to attempt to get away with rape. Even in court the suspects were saying that the Judge was racist for convicting them.

        They believe that their race and religion means that the law of kidnapping and rape does not apply to them.


    • 188
      Marion the cat says:

      Interesting that on the Today program a very fearful man described it as a Northern issue, If you live in the Midlands Oxford is south. Keith Vaz just re-iterated the police comments. It gives you some insight into the psyche of politicians – their lips move ergo they lie.


  10. 14
    Call me Dave says:

    D – Theresa how many days until Friday?

    T – Four

    D- Phew just enough time to cover my tracks


  11. 18

    I reckon Grant Mitchell must of had a lucky escape then we he got caught by her when he was in bed hanging out the arse of another bloke.


    • 103
      I Remember You Hoo says:

      How dare you suggest that one of our finest “tough guy” thespians, is a raving iron, who was in a lavender marriage with the fragrant hackette.


  12. 30

    Well dickhead mentally retarded Gordon Brown sure played a blinder when Goldman Sachs via Sue got him to sell all the nations gold for fucking Euro’s that will soon be a non existent currency worth less than toilet paper.

    Clap clap Gordon, history is sure going to remember you lol.


    • 33
      DipStick Dave says:

      I’m going to sell the rest for drachmas – that where the future lies!


    • 50
      Rothschild says:

      None of you can complain about the sale of the gold, it saved me from going bust as I bet on a position that went the wrong way. Thank goodness for my special friend Peter Mandelson who got Gordon to depress the gold price and save me.


    • 104
      I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

      How the hell did McMentalist ever get the clap?


  13. 32
    Chris Bryant Double Agent says:

    ‘Twas me!

    Reports from the US say the would-be suicide attacker in a foiled “underwear bomb” plot was in fact a double agent.


    • 39
      Nom Dom Nom says:

      foiled “underwear bomb”

      I thought it had no metal in it?


    • 46
      George Smiley says:

      Good to see the Spooks running things, normally they get upset when the limelight is on them. Code breaker with a liking for buying women’s clothes in too close to a field op. one of the field agents takes it personally and then goes off on one, stess of the job etc.. The next thing you know body in a bag a la Houdini and red faces all round.


      • 111
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        Those fiendish spooks, playing with your minds.

        Seems like a hell of a lot of wierd effort, when a simpler method could have easily been used.


        • 117
          M says:

          Fortunately, the entire conversation was recorded:

          “Sit down, 007″

          “Thank you, shir. What have you got for me thish time?”

          “It’s young Williams, 007. I’m afraid his erratic behaviour has made him a security risk. You must terminate him.”

          “I shee. Shall I use the shecret poison ‘Q’ has given me? Tashteless and odourlessh, and completely undetectable.”

          “Not this time, 007.”

          “Sho, are we going to place a shuicide note on his laptop and push him under a train?”

          “No 007, that’s far too obvious. You’re going to strangle him and then zip his body into a sports bag and then lock it.”

          “My God, what cunning. With thish shtrategy, no-one will ever shushpect foul play.”

          “Carry on, 007.”


    • 110
      Summary..... says:

      Agency hide truth. Agency say terrorist try to blow up plane. Government gets much milage. Media find out. Media lie to people. People very afraid. Company make more expensive screening technology. Truth is released. Media mostly don’t reveal it. People demand safety. Company sells expensive machines. Tax payers pay. People feel safer. Rinse and repeat.


  14. 40
    Ah! Monika says:

    Deary me. Madame Tussaud’s have removed Ken from display.
    Rumor has it that they are sending the head on a plate to Guido.


    • 44
      Nom Dom Nom says:

      Praise the lord. Now small children can once again visit Tussauds without fear of mental scarring


  15. 45
    money for nothin' and the tits are free says:

    there really is a lot of people out of work isn’t there?


  16. 47
    maggie the dog says:

    Iwonder if these text’s bring to light the fact that our dave has been kicking in her back doors for years


  17. 54
    Ah! Monika ( Telegraph) says:

    “Scientists discover the existence of a three foot mammoth”

    Don’t be fooled, I’ve counted four.


  18. 68
    passports for sale says:

    Dont mention the Garda/IRA collusion at the Smithwick Tribunal in Dublin.


  19. 70
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    The message is totally lost….like your government.

    Sky, BBC, C4, Daily Mail, The Sun , The Express etc etc etc all reporting different stories in relation to QS..No focus, nor strategy.

    The Queens speech will focus on…take your pick depending which news or paper you read:-

    ..the family
    ..crime and jobs
    ..the lords
    ..etc etc …what a mess


    • 79
      Broken Britain Still in Bits says:

      Something for everyone here! I think its a case of ‘ I know 50% of out PR budget is well spent, just not sure which 50%’ Don’t expect too much from the Posh Boys, lets face it if they had gone to the local comp. they’d be phoning the DWP/DSS benefit office every other Monday to see where their gyro had gone.


    • 80
      maggie the dog says:

      Oh dear has teddy left the pram again


      • 165

        Not “your”government – it is elected for all of us – including you, whether you like it or not, like the years 1997 – 2010, when the smelly sock brigade flew us into a mountain, with rear tail gunner Mandelson aiming his weapon at the Lords. Gaylord?


  20. 73
    Skinned alive says:

    Every year before the queen’s speech that useless twat Dennis Skinner reels off a rehearsed joke that’s only been funny about once but which the media always orgasm over. Just once I wish someone in the chamber would fuck it up for him by shouting over him. Skinner will be furious that his traditional queen’s speech joke will have been spoiled. If any Tory mps are reading, do us a favour and shout something very loudly over Skinner and fuck up his day.


    • 132
      misterned says:

      The tories won’t do it, they love tradition… or used to anyway.


    • 174
      Anonymous says:

      As the Prime Minister said the other day, Skinner is a dinosaur. Even a letter-writer in yesterday’s Telgraph objected to the PM saying that. I guess being Labour grants one special immunity from the rough-and-tumble of the Commons.


  21. 75
    I hate Ken says:

    I want to make London a bacon for Islam.


  22. 77
    George Galloway says:

    Those white english non-muslim bitches got what they deserved! They should be stoned to death! Everyone should bow down before our muslim masters. Everything is the fault of J e ws!


  23. 85
    Troll threatened to kill Louise Mensch's children says:

    Free speech is one thing but this is absolutely disgusting and he deserves to go to prison. Unsurprisingly, police found him living in a run down garbage filled house. Trolls are always socially inept weirdos.


  24. 87
    Elisabeth II says:

    ” Prime Minister, you don’t expect me to read this crap, surely?”


    • 90
      David Cameron says:

      You were happy to read ten years worth of bullshit speeches by Mr What Is Important Is.


  25. 88
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Time for big pay cuts at the BBC, starting at the top. License fee payers unite and make it happen.


    • 128
      annette curton says:

      But they don’t get to vote at the AGM.


    • 129
      Backwoodsman says:

      Don’t pay the license fee in the first place !!!! Please visit Biased-bbc and follow the everyday story of labour loving broadcasting folk.


  26. 92
    The Liebour Party says:



  27. 93
    She's actually kind of cute says:

    Justine Greening showing a lot of leg on bbc1.


  28. 94
    Andy Marr is a jug eared wanker says:

    Fuck Dave and fuck Brooks. The quicker that turd is drummed out of office and replaced by someone with a sense of the real world, the quicker this country can undo the damage the socialists have done.


  29. 97
    PC PLod says:

    We would like to point out that groups of Asian men targeting white girls who they consider as trash is not racist. And anyone making a joke on Twitter is either a terrorist or a member of the KKK.


    • 126
      nellnewman says:

      Y’know there’s another angle to that story that’s beginning to bother me.

      There were apparently nearly fifty underage children caught up in this tragedy. each one of them must have had a legal guardian in the form of a parent, social worker, foster parent etc.

      Are we to assume that 50 such guardians were completely unaware that their children were missing school for a large part of time, missing for large period of time including late into evenings ,were taking in large amounts of alcohol that was making them ill and in two cases becoming pregnant? And did none of these sad children feel able to talk to any of the adults who were legally responsible for their upbringing?

      That sounds like 50 cases of extreme child neglect to me prosecutable under the law. So what is being done about these legal guardians?


      • 144
        PC Plod says:



      • 147
        misterned says:

        Nothing when the social services ‘look the other way’ for fear of upsetting community relations.

        Social services seem to prefer taking kids from decent, well cared for middle class families, to place into God-knows-what hell, and they exploit the secrecy of the family courts system to do it.

        From many of the horror stories I have heard, the best thing to look after kids in this country would be to shut down social services altogether and insist all parents attend good parenting classes run along the lines of “The Superanny” Jo Frost’s advice.


        • 154
          sockpuppet #4 says:

          “Social services seem to prefer taking kids from decent, well cared for middle class families”

          only if you like swallowing the shit fed to you by sensationalists.


      • 153
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        Its a state of affairs that doesn’t surprise me.

        A large chunk of the 50 probably didn’t go out or drink much more than an average dodgy teenager.


  30. 127
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    Some of the Honourable statesmen in the House of Parliament, and the way they conduct themselves in public.

    Peter Hain, Member of Parliament (foreigner): Vandalises Lords cricket pitch to get himself noticed.
    Sion Simon, Member of Parliament: Pretending to be ironic makes a nasty, juvenile and artless video which is posted on the internet for all to see.
    Chris Bryant, Member of Parliament: Posts picture of himself in only his underpants on the internet.
    John Prescott, House of Lords: Violently attacks man in the street while acting in the role as deputy Prime Minister of Great Britain.
    Gordon Brown, Member of Parliament: While in acting in the role of Prime Minister of Great Britain calls innocent woman, who had asked a reasonable question of him, a bigot.

    These people, and others like them, have real power, access and privilege.


  31. 133
    nellnewman says:

    ‘unlike blair and brown dave left a paper trail’

    Oh Dear Dave – he just keeps on providing fodder for the ‘make boris leader’ campaign doesn’t he?


    • 179
      Andy Marr is a jug eared wanker says:

      Even Boris wouldn’t have been as big a fuck up as Dave. Boris and Dan Hannan are the solutions to this countries problems.


  32. 135
    Anti-monarchist says:

    Why does the queen carry a handbag everywhere she goes? It’s not like she ever has to take out any cash or credit cards to pay for things.


    • 141
      Herman Achille Van Rompuy-Pompuy says:

      It’s got a mobile in it. It’s so she can take orders from me.


    • 142
      nellnewman says:

      You’re clearly a man. A handbag is part of one’s outfit and we would not be properly dressed without one.

      I always imagined MrsT kept her iron in hers so that if anyone annoyed her she could smack them round the head with it – so as you see it can also be a handy weapon.


    • 176
      Rockfist Ronnie Reagan says:

      It has the nuclear codes in it.

      It’s like the “Football” that the US Presidents’ secret service men carry.


  33. 137
    Is Kirsty the sister of Canterbury's Gil McNeil? says:


  34. 143
    What did you have for breakfast? Cheerios? No, I asked what you had for breakfast, not what your backbenchers are telling you says:

    And now for the traditional awkward ritual where the pm and leader of the opposition have to make chit chat and pretend to like each other as they walk to the lords for the speech.


  35. 148
    Gordon Brown says:

    Who needs an underpants bomb? Mine go off by themselves.


  36. 150
    National Socialist says:

    Watching this State Opening mullarkey. So the country’s broke, but we’re able to afford all of this flummery. Why the need for hundreds of horses? Why the carriage AND the Bentley? Hundreds of people there gonzing – are they on a day’s leave or on a jolly?
    If tens of thousands of people are being made redundant then this spectacle should have been vastly scaled down also.
    All in it together? Not where the great and good are concerned.
    Oh fuck – here we go. Hats off strangers!!!


  37. 157
    Lee Jasper says:

    Who’d like to see MY black rod?


  38. 159
    Skinner's joke falls flat says:

    Skinner: “Jubilee Year, double-dip recession, what a wonderful start.”

    That went down badly. Shouts of “shame” from govt benches. Time to put Skinner to sleep.


    • 175

      He is a bit like an old dog whose back legs have gone that has to be carried in and out of the back garden to have a shit.
      I was hoping that the Queen was going to open with “And Mr. Skinner can’t be here, as he’s been sent to live on a farm. No you can’t visit him, but he’s very happy there. And he also knows that if he tries to come back, I’ve got the Whit Fiat Uno keys in my handbag!”


  39. 163
    That's a relief says:

    No mention of gayer weddings TFFT


  40. 166
    despicable tossers says:

    Is there anything as fake as that important hands stuff the politicians do when the cameras are on them.


  41. 173

    Unfortunately, the girls would be stoned to death for inciting the abuse. The men would be flogged, and then let off.

    Welcome to Islam – a men only club.


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