May 6th, 2012

Best Polling Question Ever


  1. 1
    Brian Paddick's husband says:

    I’d have dinner with Boris.


    • 14
      "Stonewall" Johnson says:

      me too. I love to self fellate.


      • 16
        smackead Mensch MP says:

        Anyone caught booing the national anthem will be sentenced to five years. Offending the Queen is a vile hate crime.


        • 18
          smackhead Mensch says:

          soz, meant smackhead! this new gear is reaally good!


          • Rupert Murdoch says:

            nip round Louise and give the old john thomas a quick buff.


          • The soaraway Sun on Sunday says:

            Rupert won, get over it!


          • PAR-LIAR=MENT says:

            Hows the Economy doing?? FTSE 100 Company directors paying themselves as much as possible leaving little left for the Pension funds and the Pension fund managers charging like BULLS. Makes a great recipe for NO MONEY LEFT.
            And The Fraudster politcal Class sit back and can’t open the CAN OF WORMS, due to their complicity in the greatest Ponzi scheme of all time. Stealing money from TAX payers to Prop up their Social Science experiment of Feminist Single Parent plot, and Crime increasing terrorising agenda.
            It could never work you economically illiterate clowns.


        • 23
          Brian Paddick's husband says:

          Don’t you worry about that duckie, I offend the old queen on a daily basis, she loves it when I talk dirty.


        • 82
          UKIPMAN says:

          You would be promised dinner and end up being chucked a dodgy-looking pasty from Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler’s Burger Bar.


      • 120
        Anonymous says:

        Goodbye Cameron
        The election has now made it quite clear that the Tories will never again have an overall majority in the House of Commons. The public have seen Cameron make numerous promises to hold a referendum on the EU only to see him call a three-line whip against it when the House of Commons debated the issue earlier.
        The public no longer trust him or the Tories and many have now decided to vote UKIP. The loss of Tory support to UKIP undermines the Tories in future marginal seats and though there may well be some who will return to the Tories at the next general election a significant number will no longer vote Tory.
        Any further promises by the Tories to hold a referendum will not alter this situation for few would believe that the Tories would honour a result that may well call for a total withdrawal.
        Furthermore the handing of billions to the IMF to help bale out the EURO (another broken promise) and the handing of money to aid nations that fund their own space programs or buy French aircraft has really took the biscuit. Not to mention the utter spineless refusal to deport terrorists for fear of upsetting the court of human rights. All this plus the Granny-tax the Pasty-tax and 5p off the top tax rate whilst we have mass unemployment verges on political suicide to any sane politician. I for one will never vote for the LIBLABCON cabal ever again.
        So it’s goodbye Cameron and goodbye to any hope of a centre right government any time soon.


        • 133
          Hang The Bastards says:

          True, except the Tory Ostrich factor will prefer to keep their heads buried firmly in the sand.


        • 134
          Britain - the ruined country. says:

          Hints for Cameron on how to enjoy huge support:-

          1. Referendum on In/Out of the EU.

          2. Stop all immigration now.

          3. Remove all illegals immediately/stop financing the parasitic human rights appeals circus.

          4. Stop pandering to EU judges.

          5. Stop pandering to the Libdem.

          6. Get rid of Bercow.

          7. Axe the bbc enforced tax, make them subscription.


        • 141
          Big Momma says:

          BALE out? Are we inundated with water in a drought? Yes we are.
          Anymouse your comments are so simple you should be in politics – or are you Red Ed in disguise?


        • 164
          Disgruntled Sheffielder says:

          You really do talk complete bollocks at times


    • 138
      Big Momma says:

      Who’s paying and where?


    • 235
      Anonymous says:

      Rhe “Guidoisation” of polling means dumbing it down,obviously. Only to be expected from a lowly gutter press columnist.


  2. 2

    I wouldn’t mind my trouble and strife having dinner with Boris – might wake her up a bit….


    • 199
      Nadine Dorries says:

      My dinner partner choice would be Mike Handycock, as I am partial to a bit of rough.


      • 204
        Handycock Political Maestro, Pervert and super Trougher says:

        Thanks Nadine, I will be in touch. Many people are congratulating the LibDems in Portsmouth for increasing their majority and are coming to see how we do it:

        Well the answer is simple and I have been telling the coalition, but they won’t listen to me. Success in politics in our global environment requires politicians to create liaisons between the public sector, industry, other countries such as Russia, and organised crime. Only by doing this will we politicians improve our own status both politically and financially. I have created this environment in Portsmouth and fooled the electorate in to thinking it is all being done for them, as they are mostly even thicker than me. Bring this in with all the multiple postal voting immigrants that we have deliberately brought into the city, and hey presto! Boaz.


        • 227
          Goodluck Johnathan and Robert Mugabe says:

          Your Government are stupid Handy, as soon as you told us about your system of staying in power, we implemented it in our own countries and have not lost an election since. Thanks, you are a genius, more young girls on the way to show our appreciation. Jahbulon.


  3. 3
    Wrong kinda question says:

    It’s a bit like asking which evil tyrant would you like to kill you Stalin or Hitler?

    Which lesser of two evils do you prefer?

    Its a question for dummies – when it surrounds politics.


  4. 4
    David Cameron - a Brussels puppet says:

    Worst polling question ever:

    Should the PM be honest for once and give people the Referendum on the EU they were promised?


  5. 5
    The Lesson unto Noo (Utterly Confused) In-Recession Cons is taken from the Book of Dave, Chapter 94 says:

    1. And it came to pass, that after many days, Dave, despiséd and dejected, returnéd unto his habitation: and the jobsworths were fearful, but durst not say.

    2. And Dave continued to hold his head in the clouds with a neck that was stiff. And Dave could not look down upon the earth, or upon the people on the earth, only those that dwelt in high places.

    3. And the people knew, and said one to another: who is that haughty tosser that seemeth so high and mighty? And Dave answereth and said: it is I, Dave the Wonderful.

    4. And the people murmered one with another. And they threw aspersions at Dave and his jobsworths and his jobsworths’ jobsworths.

    5. And lo, there came over the earth, a Star. And the name of the star was The Future. And it appeareth in the East, and stayeth right over that which is calléd: the Hall of the City.

    6. And when the people saw it, they rejoiced. But Dave and his jobsworths and his jobsworths’ jobsworths were fearful, and cried one unto another: What can this mean? And what can this betoken unto us?

    7. And Dave calléd the scribes and Wise Men, and sayeth unto them, what can this star betoken unto me? And the scribes and Wise Men answereth and said. Thou shouldest be fearful, for we have seen the Star of BoJo. And Dave, with guile and cunning in his heart, sayeth unto his jobsworths and his jobsworths’ jobsworths: calleth BoJo now, and bid him come unto me that I may worship him.

    8. But BoJo, warnéd in a dream, answereth and said, No: comest thou Dave and worship me here at the Hall of the City. And Dave, with an heavy heart, did as BoJo commandeth.


  6. 6
    serial adulterer watch says:

    We all know that Dave has cheated on conservatism for years.


  7. 8
    Fur Trade Fare Trader Of Fair Trade Fair Trade says:

    Should have included Guido in the options


  8. 9
    ukiplocal says:

    Why not ask this of all party leaders and see where they rank.

    Also ask men who they would rather have an evening with from the female politicians – bet no one would chose Harperson or Warsi!


  9. 12
    hmmmm says:

    the guardian ought to be ashamed of such a homophobic – non progressive question.
    This is modern Britain, built on selfish liberalism. Why should anybody expect faithfulness today .. such an out dated concept..

    … sadly


  10. 15
    Jeremy Clarkson says:

    I assume the ‘Don’t know’ category is for the likes of Chris Bryant and Angela Eagle.


    • 33
      Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

      And Bill Cash – prefers his partners to answer to ‘nanny’ and have a moustache.


      • 175
        Uncle Joe says:

        Bend over Sir Tristram I’ll discharge a baton round at your fundament for your homophobia


      • 231
        Bill Bell says:

        Moustache sounds like masterbate….. Think I’d better logout nanny’s waiting with her rubber gloves on


    • 228
      What purpose says:

      Bryant is still talking pants in his Indy column. Isn’t he just a common purpose lesser suborned useful idiot, put up by Julia Middleton and Francis Fraud Gerrycanmanderer?


  11. 17
    Fur Trade Fare Trader Of Fair Trade Fair Trade says:

    The best thing Dave and others could do is go and put a fortnight of shifts in some ‘dirty’ industry say tyre manufacture of better still mining, along the lines of the secret millionaire idea, and invite the cameras in on the last day.


    • 94
      Ivor Tapeworm says:

      There were 25,400 deaths caused by cold weather last winter, according to the Office for National Statistics, with most of the deceased aged 75 and over. This winter will be harder still, the convention warns. The government is cutting winter fuel allowances from £250 to £200 for those aged 60-80 and from £400 to £300 for the over 80s.

      The MP’s restaurant and bar have to be subsidised somehow, after all.

      Remember – We’re all in it together though!

      So how many MPs will die of cold this winter?

      I suspect the figure will be 0. If there is any justice the figure should be at least 680.

      Another statistic: I hear the cops are stocking up on baton rounds. They’re gonna need them soon. Tell the MP’s we’re stocking up on lamp-posts and piano wire.


      • 112
        AC1 says:

        Gerbil Worming will be bad!


      • 149
        Sir William Waad says:

        Those MP deaths in full:

        David Cameron – hypocrisermia
        Tom Watson. – a surfeit of smugness
        George Osborne. – silver spoon lodged in windpipe
        Gordon Brown. – constipation
        Nick Clegg. – apathy
        Teresa May. – unexpected arrival of train at level crossing
        Ken Livingstone. – strangled by own large intestine
        William Hague. – terminal irrelevance
        Ed Miliband. – fratricide
        Ed Balls. – exploded
        Chris Huhne. – unexplained brake failure
        Bercow. – trodden on


      • 220
        Expat Geordie says:

        Personally I’d get rid of the Winter Fuel Allowance. I’m not being evil. I’d replace it with a direct credit onto a pensioners fuel bill so that we know that the money is going to be used for “Winter Fuel”.

        Paying it in cash is a massive mistake. My late grandfather said that West Auckland Working Men’s Club’s busiest week was the week when the “Winter Fuel Allowance” was paid. Now I know that alcohol is a fuel but…


  12. 19
    The colours on the French flag are velcro'd on(and there tanks have rear veiw mirrors) says:

    Who would pay,all polititians hate the English…..


  13. 21
    twat watch says:

    “Guidoisation”? WTF is that when it’s at home?


  14. 22
    tottenham chutzpah says:

    what’s your favourite filling station?


  15. 24
    smoked salmond says:

    ha ha ha


  16. 28
    Mornington Crescent says:

    A third don’t know (eh??) and, in truth, probably another third would do both of ‘em.

    Look, fuck all this relaunch/I feel your pain/Posh Boy/Mad Nads stuff – it’s white noise. Face facts: coalitions don’t work – they’re just a pick’n’mix of policies from a pantomime horse of a government.

    Boris isn’t PM material; funny, erudite, a wordsmith – yes. But PM – no.

    Milibandwagon’s useless – and a truly malign little shit, to boot. He hasn’t got a policy to his name, people don’t like him and he fits people’s stereotype of a slippery 4xtooo.

    The only hope Cameron has is to keep going for another couple of years, hope the economy gets better, snooker the Libs on some policy (gay windmills, or whatever) to the point where the coalition falls apart, call a snap election and make it a straight Lab-Con fight.


    • 37
      The Egress says:

      Dave has proved himself utterly untrustworthy. Whatever confidence there was in him before has been destroyed and can never be rebuilt. Dave’s toast.


      • 42
        Mornington Crescent says:

        I agree but, depressingly, I don’t see anyone better – and neither does much of the country, judging by the 32% turnout. Thirty two per fucking cent, FFS.


        • 50
          The Egress says:

          What we saw was a protest unvote against Dave. He and Osborne are responsible for driving many to desert the Conservatives for UKIP and many more to abstain. It will stay that way until the party comes to its senses and chucks them both out.


          • Omni Chamboules says:

            According to “Nads” that could be by Christmas(although she didn’t actually specify a year)and she thinks there may be Forty-Five others in the party that think the same…….


          • Egged 'n Cress Sandwich with Yoonyun relish says:

            LieBore is relaunced as the Party of the People!

            Hail The Party of the People!


          • says:

            What you saw was the majority of the population refusing to vote for any of the political leaders they were offered.

            This situation has been going on for years and concides with many undesirable social phenomena which readers here are familiar with, though the exact corelation of cause and effect is open for debate.


      • 46
        Anonymous says:

        To be fair Dave has proved he can run a coalition government……….by giving in to every demand of the fruitcake party.


      • 48
        Phantom says:

        And 68% don’t give a 4-X.

        That’s a sad indictment of the public and politics.


        • 57
          Ticked off says:

          B-b-b-b but it was raining and my elfin safety woman said I had to stay indoors.


        • 67
          Murdoch's agenda says:

          Murdoch’s agenda was always to dumb down the voters / make politics so bloody boring and inane – such that the electorate would just give up and accept any old ‘change merchant’ – who the lobbyists could shoehorn in.

          Hence the proliferation of TV programmes of celebs bitching, prima donna football celebes bitching, talentless wannabe celebs bitching etc etc etc.


          • UKIPMAN says:

            “Murdoch’s agenda was always to dumb down the voters ”

            And Cameron’s, Miliband’s and Clegg’s agenda is to dumb UP the voters?

            Hahahahaha! Its like being in a nursery at PMQs.

            And the BBC are even worse.


          • Anonymous says:

            The BBC’s agenda is to fleece you of £145.50 a year and use it to promote Europe and AGW on a daily basis.


          • AC1 says:

            Murdoch’s agenda is to give you what you want.

            Politics is boring! The public want much less of it. They want the BASIC things like law and Order and border controls done properly, because they aren’t at the moment.


          • Mornington Crescent says:

            Agreed, AC1. Murdoch gives the public tits ‘cos that’s what the public wants: tits.

            They/we want not necessarily less politics but less fucking government – hence the vote against yet more expensive Mayors in nearly all cities.

            We could scrap whole Ministries and no-one would notice: BIS (stupid name), DECC – yep, we’ve got a whole fucking Ministry dedicated to climate change, FFS. And why the fuck have we got a Minister for Equalities? Why??


          • why the fuck have we got a Minister for Equalities? says:

            For da effnics, innit.


          • Expat Geordie says:

            Mornington Crescent, got to disagree on the Mayors point. Labour brought them in thinking just that, more jobs for the boys, etc. Then it went belly up when places that should have returned Labour mayors didn’t. London – independent (Livingstone), Middlesbrough – independent, Doncaster – English Democrats, Hartlepool – a man in a monkey outfit.

            Where the mayoral system works, they voted to keep it (Doncaster). The people who voted against elected mayors in Birmingham, Coventry, etc., were council employees, Labour party members, etc., who having seen what happen in Doncaster didn’t want to lose their jobs, influence, pensions, freebies, etc.

            Where you have an elected mayor you have direct responsibility, which is why I am surprised that Liverpool went for it without a referendum. When it all goes belly up you can’t blame “tory cuts” in a monthly glossy magazine when you are cutting frontline services whilst giving your mates £50k jobs for doing nothing. I don’t expect to see a Conservative mayor in Liverpool in four years time, but there could quite possibly be an “Independent” or an “English Democrat” one.

            Labour now see elected mayors as a Conservative ploy to cut them off at the knees and are now wishing that they had never thought of the idea.


        • 71
          The BBC supports Boris for PM says:

          The other 32% are employed by the BBC


          • Bruce Page says:

            From the sleeve cover of “The Murdoch Archipelago”

            “Rupert Murdoch is one of the most powerful men in the world today. Through News Corporation he controls a global media empire with an unparrallelled array of assets in newspapers, television, movies and book publishing.

            Across the Anglophone world, and increasingly in Asis and Europe, he exerts an unelected political influence reckoned to outclass such predecessors as Northcliffe, Hearst and Beaverbrook – men whose activities were contained within national boundaries.

            What is the nature of Newscorp’s power, and how was it constructed? This book describes a business built on a unique capacity to collaborate with established power – whether legitimate or otherwise – while pretending to rebel against it. The origins of the technique lie in the First World War propaganda campaigns and intrigues of Rupert’s father Sir Keith Murdoch. Bruce Page analyses the son’s extension of the same essential method through Australia, Britain and the USA, showing how Murdoch’s fluid, authoritarian personal qualities have enabled him to exploit systematic weaknesses in the media systems which we rely on to safeguard liberal democracy.

            Politicians and administrators around the world stand in awe of Murdoch because he is advertised as a supreme wizard of tabloid journalism, possessing a near monopoly over mass opinion. Bruce Page shows that this is essentially a hallucination – but one which could become something unpleasantly like reality unless legislators are able to free themselves from it. This text is designed to assist them.

            Building on many years’ research and featuring previously undisclosed revelations, The Murdoch Archipelago is both a riveting psychological profile and a devastating case against the dangers of media monopoly.”


        • 232
          Bill Bell says:

          68% say more 4X and I’ll vote for anyone of Yah


    • 198
      Fifth column Cameron says:

      The only hope for the Tories now is to dump Cameron (he has lost credibility and trustworthyness), get a ‘Tory’ leader in and set a date for an in/out referendum on the EU, and scream fron the rooftops about how much money this will save the UK and will help economic recovery. When this causes the coalition to fall, have a snap election, and STICK with the referendum promise.


  17. 29
    Yawn says:



  18. 30
    Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

    Is it true that Bonkers celebrated with a bonka-bonka party?


  19. 31
    Anonymous says:

    Idiocy rules!


    • 38
      Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

      Well, if you insist;
      Rule 1: appoint Osborne as Chancellor.
      Rule 2: appoint May as Home Secretary
      Rule 3: distract attention from the feebleness of Violet Elizabeth Miliband


  20. 44
    90s classic says:


  21. 45
    Dark Baron Mandlesum of Boys etc., says:

    I’d go for the both of them à la Ménage


    • 51
      annette curton says:

      Calling our latest exclusive gourmet restaurant The Le Ménage à Trois was with hindsight a big mistake.


      • 60
        Sid le Sommelier says:

        Isn’t there also a restaurant in London called Les Trois Garcons? I hear they do nice cream puffs.


      • 65
        Troughing MP says:

        The restaurant is perfectly named for claiming expenses. When I’m asked if I had a nice mouthful at the ménage a trois one can reply with all honesty that one did


  22. 52
    Brutus says:

    Boris — keepa da hands offa my entourage — otherwise da boys do a violin case delivery


  23. 56
    Quisling says:

    Boris getting more women into Labour than Labour


  24. 59
    Marina says:

    I’d choose to have dinner with Boris, I haven’t had a sniff of his meat and two veg for months.


  25. 62
    Bob Crow says:

    Oi! 2dAY iN fraNCe, soSHELLizm wilL wiN!


  26. 63
    BBC PRAVDA says:

    Multiculturalism is working and then we’re all going to die due to climate change and lack of global socilaism.

    That is all.


  27. 64
    Tom Fatson says:

    i would hold my nose and have ( ten course ) dinner with Loser Ken.


  28. 76
    BBC News says:

    Today the French people go to the polls with too choices, they have Sarkozy and austerity or Mr Hollande and growth.


  29. 77
    UKIPMAN says:

    I’m fed up of all these Londoncentric twits. I would rather have dinner with Davina Macall. Ugggh!


  30. 83
    Question Of The Day says:

    If Hollande wins can we still borrow their aircraft carrier?


    • 89
      Mr Hollande says:

      If vou little Englanders sign up to le tobin tax, increase de immigration und unfreeze ze telly tax I may be thinking about it.


  31. 84
    Anonymous says:

    I’m a Londoner but no longer live there. I’m just glad we’ve been spared another four years of Ken’s class war bollocks. A delicious irony is that if Labour had chosen Oona King as their candidate, she would have walked it. It’s nice to know that Labour in general are still as thick as pig shit.


    • 88
      Quisling says:

      Err no they wouldn’t as self service Ken would have stood as an independent and split the retard vote. So Egg Millibland had to hold his nose, close his eyes and think of teddy


      • 92
        Anonymous says:

        Er, have to disagree with you there, she would have mopped up on second preference votes.


        • 104
          Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

          No because Ken would have also got a lot of second pref votes, the fact is the leftie mong vote would have been split


          • Anonymous says:

            Yes, ‘cos strange as it may seem, King would have picked up a lot Boris votes.


    • 90
      It's Gonna Happen says:

      They’ll all be rich powerful and thick after Dave throws them the next general election though.


    • 128
      A Nuvver Londoner says:

      Oona King is no great shakes. She does a patronising tone which grates rapidly.


  32. 96
    anonymous-toff says:

    the england cricket team is selected from only 7% of those eligible.

    to play for england cricket team you have to have gone to public school, can be south african and can be south african and been to public school

    what a wonderful sign of our delusional country – still living inside the imperialsit mindset


    • 224
      Expat Geordie says:

      They are picked from people who play cricket. Unlike 25 years ago when my comprehensive had a very good cricket team, most state schools no longer play cricket. Hence most modern cricketers went to public school.

      It’s the same with rugby. We didn’t play rugby at my comprehensive but one of the neighbouring ones did. It was actually the only state school in the county that did play rugby. So most rugby players are privately educated.

      South Africans care more for rugby and cricket than for football, so will use any excuse to play for other countries if they can’t get on their own national team. That is why there are so many South Africans in the Irish and Dutch cricket teams, and why these two teams are getting to be quite good.


  33. 98
    Liar Liar pants on fire. says:

    The Watts up with that blog has exposed Spelman as a liar. She does not need 17 inches.While we all accepted the government propaganda that there was a shortfall in rain and the South East was in drought conditions the actual figures show otherwise and rainfall has not been abnormal.

    When one reads the comments section it turns out that the problem is not enough water storage for the size opopulationon and too much abstraction from underground water reserves. In part this is down to government and water companies reluctant to build much needed reservoirs but it is also EU diktats that demand higher water prices to cut down oconsumptionon and a lowering of the carbon footprint by using cleaneundergroundnd water that requires less energy to treat than that stored in reservoirAnywaynway just forgetting the politics Spelman has in fact had her 17 inches. You Londoners should be writing to your MPs and providing them with this link. Don’t bother with the BBC, they will not want to listen to the facts and prefer to blame CAGW which they believe to be fact.


  34. 102
    Moley says:

    From seen elsewhere;

    Greg Barker the Minister for silly ideas wants women to put a hoover in their knickers.

    Is this new government policy intended to put a smile back on people’s faces?


    • 137
      The Egress says:

      Greg Barking, another perfect illustration of Cameron’s appallingly bad judgement. To hell with him.


      • 208
        Ivor Tapeworm says:

        Why would women need a hoover in their knickers? Any reasonably fit lass who does her Kegels should be able to generate enough suction by herself.

        Top Tip: What goes out, must go in in the first place, so find a girlfriend who can queef loudly. (I recommend auditioning them on the first date, in a busy restaurant).

        Alternatively, see if they can stay stuck to the ceiling for at least 5 seconds.


        • 211
          Ivor Tapeworm says:

          Addendum: I heard that Sally Bercow can actually raise herself to the ceiling by the same method, and stay there indefinitely. Probably untrue, I would think she is probably quite slack ‘down there’.


    • 180
      Dim Sum Phooey says:

      You would think that having had such a thrashing in the recent elections Cameron might have taken stock and try to figure out what he and his fellow eco-loonies were doing wrong. Sadly, his intelligence has been wildly over-estimated.


  35. 106
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    So why does the BBC think that a letter signed by mong Gerrard and a mong cook should be the top story? I bet Gerrard didn’t actually ‘write’ the letter.


    • 131
      Buzz Lightbulb says:

      I have no idea what you are talking about . I do not watch the BBC, and neither should you if you are intelligent.


    • 146
      Dimbleby, the BBC cat says:

      I don’t understand it. One minute the humans are all giving me treats, the next they are chucking things at me and blaming someone called Boris.


    • 153
      Anon. says:

      ‘Cos they’re obsessed with celebrity. Celebrities = higher audience figures. They (BBC) help to perpetuate the vicious circle of celebrity culture-obsessed Britain, if you see what I mean.


    • 161
      CYNICAL OLD MAN says:

      Jamie Oliver suffers from a surfeit of ego. The worst thing the Blair government did was give him any credibility by listening to his fascist ideas on what kids should be forced to eat, just to get a cheap headline for themselves. You can’t force kids to eat stuff they don’t like. The real problem that causes obesity is the lack of exercise because modern kids only want to sit in front of their X-Boxes in their bedrooms. You only have to look at Tom Watson to see the result of that.

      Oliver is becoming a predictable bore and should be told to fill his gob with the pretentious crap he cooks.

      As for Gerrard, I thought scousers only ate Kebabs after a skinful and a punch up on a Saturday night>


  36. 115
    Have I Got News For You says:

    Thought you all might enjoy this. Jeremy Clarkson gives his opinion of Tom Watson.


  37. 116

    Another Met Office fail. Their forecast for April was for drier and warmer than normal. Perhaps Robert Napier should go back to the WWF and concentrate on saving polar bears.


  38. 117
    David Cameltoe, Crime Minister says:

    I suppose I should thank heaven for small favours, as it were, that Boris cannot command an outright majority in the female preference. As someone who himself has not been able to command an outright majority, I should like to ask Boris how it feels to know that you have p*e*a*ked at 48%!


  39. 119
    Laughing at thick commoners is fun says:


  40. 124
    Divide n rule says:


  41. 135
    Fatso Watson says:

    I will eat both Boris and Dave. Yum


  42. 136
    Sir William Waad says:

    Boris would be more interesting than Dave but would be found to have forgotten his wallet.


  43. 140
    Mr Eurobonds says:

    How can either of these politicians have time to eat out?


  44. 142
    Circumstrated says:

    I think Boris n Ken should sit down together n eat each other. I hope they get indigestion.


  45. 145
    an ode to bb says:

    There’s nobody here but us chickens!


  46. 147
    Sorrell: The Unsuccessful Patriot says:

    Despite Sir Martin Sorrell claiming he condems the “totally unacceptable” advert showing an Argentine fascist training on a British war memorial in the Falkland Islands, we have yet to hear from him what he actually intends to do about. Having provided ‘succour to the enemny’, it is about time he and his firm made amends. A few suggestions:

    The staff they employed to make and overeee this shit should be sacked. The profits his firm made should be donated to an appopriate British charity, as should a sum equivalent to all the taxes his Argentine subsidiaries have been paying to an Argentine Government which is even now busy provoking and preparing for war against the FalklandIislands.


    • 148
      A start says:

      He could also make an advert urging British consumers to stop buying Argnetine wine.


      • 182
        Trahison des Clercs says:

        Oh the green, green glass of Buenos Arsies


      • 226
        Expat Geordie says:

        I prefer the solution advocated by “William Forbes” in the Mail. Absorb the Falklands into the UK proper. Then any attack on the Falklands is treated in the same way as an attack on the UK. Use a tactical nuke 30 miles above Buenos Aires so that the Electro Magnetic Pulse knocks out all of their electrical systems and plunges them back into the stone age without actually having to kill anyone.

        In the mean time, whenever the Argie hockey team play at the Olympics our loyal fans should provide an “appropriate” welcome.


    • 160
      Michael Winner says:

      Calm down dear! Who gives a sh1t?


      • 168
        Gordon Brown says:

        I like Michael Winner


        • 170
          Ed Bollocks says:

          I don’t like Winners.


        • 184
          Tony Blair says:


          Michael winner loves me not you Gordon; and it’s my birthday today so sod off. BTW Me and mandy are making a comeback – we’re together like never before. And anyway Mandy likes me coming around the back.


    • 172
      gurkha penguin says:

      or that argy hockey player could get a good kicking when he turns up here…


    • 195
      Martin Sorrell says:

      As long as my businesses makes lots of money (and it is based in Ireland for tax purposes), I am not really worried about all of this
      We are PM men after all

      Selling powder for the eyes of the g o y…

      Morals ? what is that

      I am like Murdoch. All money and no morals


    • 197
      Mornington Crescent says:

      Sorrell is a rampant self-publicist and a selfish tax-avoider whose loyalty to Britain was laid bare when he vocally upped sticks to Ireland in 2008(ish). Should have stayed there.

      So that one of his businesses is up to its neck in this cheap, crappy film doesn’t surprise me in the least – Sorrell takes money from anyone.

      More importantly, why has the BBC not ben covering the new Argie Ambassador’s silly behaviour these last few days? See Sky for proper coverage, as usual. Presumably the ‘internationalists’ are rather embarassed at our continued ‘colonialist’ approach to the Falklands. Fuckers.


      • 223
        Soemtimes we can over-analyse says:

        Never underestimate just how lazy our leaders are. Hague, Pickles, Cameron etc think they are working hard if they have been to a meeting and read an autocue. None of them have ever had to work hard at a proper job and have no conception of what is involved in achieving anything.

        They have probably done nothing yet about the Argentinians because they think that they are just too jolly busy, just like they have done nothing about the deficit, nothing about corruption in local government, nothing about reforming the EU or getting us out of it.


    • 202
      Mornington Crescent says:

      Agreed. Here is a good start for making amends:


  47. 155
    Cressida's Dick says:

    The Argies have decided not to bother with soldiers, ships and planes next time. Much too much like hard work. They’re sending their Olympic team instead. The advanced scout did rather well.

    Wake up Hague you useless twat.


  48. 156
    no need for tory wanna be men says:

    Boris probably had their wifes years ago


  49. 158

    The simple truth is – Cameron is NOT a winner! He couldn’t even win outright a general election against the worst Prime Minister of modern times. He’s won nothing since. Boris would have won the Mayoral contest without the Tory Party – in fact it might even have hampered his efforts.


  50. 159
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Extremely off-topic:

    Where’s the blurb for the Sunday column? Quarter past three, FFS!


    • 166
      Guido the sellout says:

      You must be bored.


      • 167
        Christ its boring says:

        Its raining outside and the TV choices include Homes under The Hammer, Snooker, a Colombo episode from 1975, Channel 4 racing and a film called Scooby-do Unleashed.


        • 178
          lol says:

          Cyanide is infinitely more preferable than the fucking Star, on Sunday or any other day.


    • 186
      Le Monde correspondent says:

      The Sunday Star has run out of ugly tits to put on their front page along with Gwido’s masterpieces

      There is an editorial crisis

      Will they become less titty or more porno ?

      You must swich over to Dirty Desmond’s porno channel…until further notice

      PS Perhaps Gwido’s priest has told him to pull himself together …


  51. 162
    Heathrow Guns 'n Drugs says:

    May Sale Now On!

    Roll up, roll up, new stock in every day for the forseeable future.


    • 165
      There is a May - or there is not says:

      She getting rid of her old stuff then? – any bargains?


  52. 163
    A. Bishop says:

    I was defrocked. But Dave is changing things so I can get dressed again! Like my pinny?


  53. 176
    Kensnout says:

    Labour will never learn the benefits of positive campaigning, nasty politics, lies and smears achieve nothing. Ken the odious, money grubber is out and the best man won. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!


    • 192
      Boris J and his submissive wimen says:

      I am the great Boris,i beat the deadbeat Ken, I am the superstar bufoon and big time socialist spender (without anyone realising it)

      I won the election for mayor and lost control of the London Assembly

      But the press and mini Gwido love me and of course, I have become the Tory Party’s indispensable jockstrap…


    • 194
      A tiny proportion of London's eligible voters says:

      Boris is a nice guy


    • 214
      A slight majority of the minority who could be bothered to express a choice says:

      He is not as bad as the second most popular guy


  54. 183
    Blue Rinsed Tory Lady says:

    We love Boris

    It’s like in the movies, us wimen always love the bad boys


  55. 188
    National Socialist says:

    These reprobates in The City of London who wrecked, and indeed, are continuing to wreck UK PLC are getting off Scot Free….

    All the while Citizen UK are paying a hefty price.

    Look to London to see where we are heading..
    Spiralling inflation.
    High unemployment.
    Property beyond the reach of many.
    Dog eat dog.
    City Slickers and spivs getting mega rich.
    Privileged politicians doing nowt


  56. 190
    Joss Askin says:

    Anyone set up a crappy FaceTwat tribute page today yet?


  57. 200
    SLOTGOB says:

    COPYCAT !!!


    • 206
      Anonymous says:

      Ah yes, Sally Bigcow. Doorknobs are us.


    • 207
      Squeaker & Cicciolina says:


      It is all the fault of the political parties as I have just told you

      They did not deliver

      On the other hand, I have turned my coat and never even tried to deliver something I promised (I never promised anything anyway ROFL)

      I was just a Mandelson plant

      And now Cicciolina and I are cashing in

      It’s all about money and not morality you see

      Do grow up


    • 209
      Independent correspondent says:

      Just like Sally cashes in from Dirty Desmond, Gwido’s new boss…

      It’s all become very sordid as we all know now


  58. 213
    Professor Hairy Beard says:

    Rome was a thriving multi-cultural city and this was the basis of its power. I think there is a lesson there for the UK.


    • 215
      A Right-wing nutter even nuttier than me says:

      Hmmm, let’s bring back slavery


    • 216
      Education, Edyerkayshun, Eddyookaashun says:

      Disagree. We wuz taurght by our teechers that awl Empires is eevil. Innit.


  59. 218
    Don't beleive everything they say on the telly says:

    Brillo has a hell of a lot to answer for. Just had a glass of Liebfraumilch after many months of his subtle suggestions. Now remember why we stopped drinking it in the early 1970s.


  60. 221
    Mrs Billy Bowden says:

    I like a “bit of rough” over the Bank Holiday sweetie !


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The Economist asks Tony Blair about Wendi Deng:

“Mr Blair roundly denies any impropriety. Asked whether he was (at least) careless about his reputation, he says calmly that it is “not something I will ever talk about—I haven’t and I won’t”, and then bangs his coffee cup so loudly into its saucer that it spills and everyone in the room jumps. But did he find himself in a tangle over his friendship with Ms Deng? A large, dark pool of sweat has suddenly appeared under his armpit, spreading across an expensive blue shirt. Even Mr Blair’s close friends acknowledge that the saga damaged him—not least financially, since Mr Murdoch stopped contributing to Mr Blair’s faith foundation and cut him off from other friendly donors in America.”

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