May 4th, 2012



  1. 1
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Praise be.

    • 2
      genghiz the kahn says:

      Cast aside Dave.

      • 6
        Tuscan Tony says:

        Boris plan:

        (1) receive oral relief from the female interns
        (2) start the Dave downfall programme immediately
        (3) lead the Tories by 2016.

        • 13
          Enough is enough says:

          If Boris wins it’ll be despite Cameron. If he loses it’ll be because of Cameron. Boris for PM either way.

          The Torys suffered mid term blues, the Dems had the living shit kicked out of them, which is what Cameron should do to them.

          Enough of the Tail wagging the dog. It’s absolutely ridiculous that a party with a quarter of the MP’s of their partner should have close to a 50/50 split in policy. They’ve had their low tax for the poor
          so Cameron should do something right and excise all Dem policy from the queens speech.

          Cameron and Osborne, rightly, get the blame for omnishambles but the other person in the omnishambles triumvirate, Danny Alexander, gets off scot free for his part in the failure to cobble together a growth policy that works.

          The best thing about last night was that someone had projected that if current trends continue the Dems won’t exist in 2020. Fingers crossed.

          • Andrew Efiong says:

            It was Guido wot won it.

            Our top blogger flushed out Ken’s secret tax dodging and had Labour on the run during the whole of the campaign.

          • Londoner says:

            A very good point, sir

          • Anonymous says:

            Ken percieved a skeleton in Boris’ closet which wasn’t there, forgetting that he has so many tax skeletons in his own closet it started to resemble a graveyard. No emphasis on policies. Twat.

          • Anonymous says:

            “Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones…..”

          • Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

            The hip(pocrasy) bone is connected to the lie bone the lie bone is connected to the labour bone . .

          • Expat Geordie says:

            Enough is enough, the results aren’t fully in yet, but fingers crossed. As for tails wagging dogs, low tax rates for the poor should be a natural tory policy and it shouldn’t be down to the bloody Liberals to tell us that. It is the one good thing that they have brought to the coalition, but they shouldn’t have had to.

          • Turn again, B. Johnson
            Thou worthy citizen
            Now Mayor of London

        • 15
          genghiz the kahn says:

          The interns – the famous Boris bykes.

        • 379
          The Dove says:

          1: What’s the use of being Mayor if you can’t get an occasional BJ?
          2: Agreed
          3: 2015

        • 454
          giant gonad says:

          You have forgotten the bit where his wife kicks him out of number 10 and he has to sleep at his mate’s house for a while.

    • 95
      John Smith says:

      When looking at pictures of Ed Miliband today I was surprised to see he had left the country and was on a foreign visit.

    • 105
      Judge Character says:

      I think the press give far too much chatter about Boris having a grand plan. From what I can see he seizes chances as they come along. A man who plays the moment rather than a plotter.

    • 107
      Expat Geordie says:

      If this goes wrong then Dave is going to have to sort out postal voting asap. We are meant to be a bloody democracy!

    • 132
      Mr Slater's Parrot says:

      SSKKREE-EEETT!!! BORIS! (tapity-tap) LUVVELYPLUMAGE! (cuttle) (ping)

    • 143
      Simons says:

      BBC tails are wagging but I think the Boris result will wipe off their smiles.

      • 151
        Troll Hunter says:

        Don’t count your chic-Kens quite yet.

        Apparently it’s going to take a month just to count the postal votes from Tower Hamlets from 200,000 Mohammeds living at one address in the borough.

        Tower Hamlets might still let Newteured in…..

    • 363
      The lumpen proletariat says:

      Praise be upon him…

    • 438
      Geordie Boy says:

      A lying conniving reptile now returned to his pet newts.
      Wait for the book,how the leftie leaning BBC and all the free loaders who benefited from his largess must be sobbing not to mention all the Terrorists and S.American despots who were favoured by this menace to the UK

    • 439
      Tony Bliar didnt fool me says:

      By fuck Boris won despite those cheating lefty C.U.N.T.S, welll I never….

  2. 3
    I am first says:

    Beat you all.

    • 22
      Ah! Monika says:


    • 28
      Three minutes late says:

      Don’t you feel like a twat.

      • 410
        Forkbender says:

        Guido and his pal don’t they must be rolling in cash now with all the negative articles on this blog, 62.538 majority, not bad, but narrower than last time, still Boris going after the 2015 general election, watch the feathers fly then, especially if things are bumping along as they are now

  3. 4
    CT says:

    Around teatime some psephologist was suggesting that a Ken upset was on the cards and Dimbleby and the rest of the BBC drones were positively salivating…

  4. 5
    Anonymous says:

    God help us!!!!!!!!

    • 422
      Gerry Handycock Mander says:

      I agree Boris is a Tory twat, Ken should have come to see me how to get re-elected. Boaz.

  5. 7
    TRuth says:

    If he gets Mayor, he wont be able to challenge Dave!

    Dan Hannan however…

  6. 8
    I am first says:

    maybe next time

  7. 9
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Can I just say if Boris does win please listen in to Radio 5 tonight with Stephen ‘fat boy’ Nolan. The guys detests Tories in that typical BBC way and he hated Boris when he last won (Nolan shouted that the Tories were using public money to buy the champers they were drinking – they were not but as we know the BBC DOES drink champers to celebrate Labour victories at our expense) and spent all night spitting hate at Tories.

    • 36
      anonymous says:

      Stephen Nolan is a cu-nt

    • 83
      Expat Geordie says:

      Stephen who? Never heard of him!

    • 87
      amongymous says:

      “I do remember… the corridors of Broadcasting House were strewn with empty champagne bottles. I’ll always remember that”
      Jane Garvey
      BBC Five Live, May 10th, 2007, recalling May 2nd, 1997.

    • 455
      giant gonad says:

      Fat boy Nolan is a twenty four carat CNUT.

  8. 12
    Democracy Now says:

    The Evening Standard claims it will be very close. I bet Boris wishes now he’d been in London during the riots.

  9. 16
    Referee says:

    The Evening Standard has been even more one sided in its backing for Boris than Guido’s people on here.

    • 19
      Londoner says:

      It is also read by a lot of people who commute from outside London – and who despise Ken even more than those of us who live here.

      • 424
        Skint Civil Servant says:

        Substitute “hate, detest and abhor” for “despise” and you’re spot-on!

    • 20
      Andrew Efiong says:

      Even Labour struggled to back Ken, the misery guts tax dodging hypocrite.

      • 68
        Haggiet Harpooh says:

        The highly principled Harriet backed Ken, then didn’t, then did, then didn’t, then did, then didn’t, then did, then didn’t, then did,then didn’t. All this in 25 minutes.

    • 29
      Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

      Unlike the state funded mongs at the BBC who of course have been totally unbiased…NOT

      • 96
        East India Company Wallah says:

        Of course Labours vote share is entirely derived from state funded mongs of one form or another whether they be dole bums,single slags wi brats,Nhs front line earners,unionised kants (local or national gov) whitehall zombies,retirees on state tit,anyone who receives tax money basically, of course the taxpayers vote is split 2 to 3 ways and hence labour will always be there or thereabout

        • 392
          Cupid Stunt from Streatham says:

          E Indian Fatwah Lah, You seem to have omitted from your list of “anyone who receives tax money basically” those families on over 60k a year who still get child credits. Or don’t they count?

          • Archer Karcher says:

            Nobody should get child tax credits. If you can’t afford to raise children, then don’t expect everyone else to pay for your family. Encouraging people to live beyond their me@ns is why we are in the mess we are in now.

  10. 18
    Postal Vote says:

    Boris should be fearful of the postal votes that not just support labour but also boost turnout for labour.

    • 21
      Londoner says:

      They do more than just that. They make the vote-bankers very powerful inside the Labour party and extremely influential in the boroughs they control

      • 98
        East India Company Wallah says:

        Until Allah tells them to vote for Cat Galloway-Respect geeze

  11. 23
    Tattooed_Arry says:

    Thank Fuck, hope it’s true.

  12. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Praise be. Could not eat my dinner thinking that Ken just might get in.Now for David Cameron – just let us have a referendum on Europe and stop immigration immediately and you also will win.What is so difficult about that?

    • 76
      Jane Birkin from Paris says:

      But if you have a serious economic growth policy then you need net immigration to satisfy it you daft twat.

      And if you have paid an arm and a leg for a property I bet you will be grateful to see a young immigrant wanting to buy because by that time all the internal intake will be too old to get a mortgage.

      • 90
        Anonymous says:

        You must have been a lovely child.

      • 94
        Expat Geordie says:

        The “young immigrant” can’t afford it when they are only earning minimum wage. Walk round Bournemouth or Poole and you will find that most of the jobs are minimum wage, and the only people who can afford to buy houses there are “down-sizing” Londoners. The immigrants and the young locals (the ones who can be arsed to work, that is) can’t afford to buy and can only afford flat shares or HMO’s. There are areas that are almost as over-crowded as a Victorian slum.

        Minimum wage is also maximum wage in too many places. Where is the economic benefit of that? And you don’t need net immigration when you have 3 – 6 million of the indigenous population not working at all, and large numbers doing pointless jobs for the state.

      • 393
        Cupid Stunt from Streatham says:

        Economics not your best subject is it Jane?

        All immigration should be stopped dead in its tracks now. Then, in due course, when all those currently in the country are actively engaged producing useful things, adequate services, including housing, schools and medical provision, have managed to catch up with the new numbers etc, only then, should the need arise, will it be permissible to reopen the immig doors a little to allow a controllable trickle in to cover the shortages. There are now more than enough people in the country who can be put to work building the necessary infrastructural changes.

      • 413
        Archer Karcher says:

        There are five million people on benefits you dope, we need to get them economically active before any thoughts of more imm*gr*tion is even thought of. Also we need to remove unproductive unskilled migrants sucking at the public te@t. fifty percent of M*sl*m men and seventy percent of M*sl*m women have NEVER worked and live on benefit. Time for a plane flight back to the third world shitholes they originated from.

        • 446
          Tony Bliar didnt fool me says:

          Archer it is that simple, so how the fuck call me Dave doesnt get it…

        • 461
          Ironside says:

          32% of government income is spent on welfare.

          That is more then health and education combined.

          Go figure……..

  13. 27
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    At time of this post (and according to Sky)
    11/14 constituencies declared
    Boris: around 807K
    Hypocrit: around 650,500K

    I supose the burning question must be: Has Tower Hamlets declared yet?

    • 31
      Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

      There are a few hundred thousands votes on the way from Brick Lane as we speak.

    • 34
      hmmmm says:

      Every available London postie is needed to bring in that vote

    • 36
      Postal Vote says:

      indeed. many houses with 15 voters in Tower Hamlets, of which many are quite canny postal voters somehow

    • 414
      Archer Karcher says:

      Leveson was always a state stitch up and no more independent than all the rest of the me@ningless whitewashes and cover ups initiated by the state. Perhaps one day you may re@lise that the government manipulates every enquiry it has ever set up, for it’s own agenda. Do try to keep up.

  14. 30
    Well it's a thought says:

    I wonder how much of the voting population actually came out to vote yesterday, I bet Comoron won’t take the hint and understand why people didn’t bother voting, it’ll be beyond him and his nutters.

  15. 33
    anonymous says:

    So Leveson gives in to Cameron

    Precisely, in what way is Leveson ndependent now???

    Typical British Government SHAM

    • 47
      Quisling says:

      I heard on R4 (so it must be true) that the core participants in Leveson have to sign a confidentiality agreement. Really?
      As Twatson is a core participant it begs questions …

      1. Did he also have to sign one?
      2. If yes how did the book launch happen before judgement
      3. Is anyone aware of any holes in the space/time continuum?

      • 77
        As a matter of fact.. says:

        Yeah, I think there’s a hole in the space time continuum in Tower Hamlets. A load of 7th Century middle-eastern types seem to have poured out of it.

      • 457
        giant gonad says:

        Watson has nothing to do with Leveson. He is on the CMS select committee.

  16. 35
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Its not in the bag yet for Boris, looking at the 19.53 figures (with 11 of the 14 constituencies declared) – Boris is 157,000 votes ahead of Ken and there are about 270,000 second preference votes. Boris will need approx 20% of the second preference votes to win IF the last 3 constituencies return the same proportional pattern as the first 11.

    Well we all know that green votes red – so thats 72000 in bag for Ken for starters.
    Lib Dems, to be honest not sure of their second preferences.

    Looks like Boris will make it – but its not in the bag yet.

    • 57
      Gordon Brown says:

      OTOH UKIP have been asked to second preference Boris.

      • 67
        Pawn Sandwich says:

        So thats 36,156 to Boris then at 19.53.
        I really dont know the profile of Siobhan Benita’s voters.

        This WILL go to second preference votes.

        • 84
          Pawn Sandwich says:

          New figures in at 20.29. Boris is 108,000 (approx) in front with 12 constituencies declared. Approx 305,000 second preference votes now.

          If the last two constituencies declare as badly for Boris as Enfield & Haringey then this will go to Ken on second preferences (IMHO).

          • Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

            Yeah – that prediction is really looking good you stupid tool.

        • 97
          Expat Geordie says:

          She’s a communist so they will go to Ken.

  17. 39

    What’s happened to Millibands nose ?
    it’s been flattened LoL

  18. 40
    Einstein says:

    millions idle dependent on the state,more immigrants that you could shake at stick at,millions of state workers dependent on their living and what do they have in common yes they vote for their masters Labour so simple really.

    • 45
      Newton says:

      Most immigrants work their socks off.

      But yes, Labour are the party of the workshy, the scroungers and public sector slackers.

      • 60
        Gordon Brown says:

        Somalians must be the exception then.

        Something like 80% on benefitz.

        • 86
          Mr Curious says:

          That’s because they’re illiterate in their own language, let alone ours. What hope did any of them have of getting a job?

          I want an answer to this: what exactly was the point of letting them in? What was the perceived benefit to us? What was the question to which the answer was: “I know! Let’s let 300,000 illiterate uneducated S*malians (who can’t sp*eak English) into the country!”

          What was it?

          • Expat Geordie says:

            There is a new council estate being built near Ryde on the Isle of Wight, which really should be called the Isle of White due to it’s ethnic make up. The locals aren’t too happy about it though as apparently it is for S*malian immigrants who are being shipped in from Birmingham.

          • Gordon Brown says:

            >I want an answer to this: what exactly was the point of letting them in?

            Increases rents.

          • Cupid Stunt from Streatham which is near Croydon i says:

            No no no. It was all a misunderstanding in the canteen in Lunar House in Croydon one Saturday afternoon. An officer whose first language was not exactly the Queen’s English heard somebody say “there must have been some aliens” in today. That was Chinese whispered into “Let Somalians in today” … and the rest as they say is history.

          • Mr Straight Answer says:

            Those fuckwits in the Liebore party came to the conclusion that there wouldn’t be enough people paying tax and N.I. to support the pensions of an aging population. So they imported a million labour voters, it the hope that they would provide more tax revenue, but didn’t realise that:

            a) most of the would claim benefits themselves, rather than working and paying tax

            b) all of them would eventually age and claim pensions themselves.

            Err, umm, time for even more immigrants to pay for that lot. . . .

        • 226
          Denhaag says:

          We had loads in Holland but after receiving benefits for a few years & language lessons the goverment told them they had to get jobs – they all moved to England

          • Expat Geordie says:

            I heard that it was because they couldn’t be bothered to learn Dutch.

        • 361
          Polly Seewonk says:

          GB: “Somalians must be the exception then.
          Something like 80% on benefitz.

          Be fair, at present they can’t get the tools here to carry out their usual occupations.

          Maybe when ALL the police are armed, and there is a compulsory quota of immigrants for police recruits things may change.

      • 72
        John of Hull and Damnation says:



        I’ve werked me fingas to the bone huntin fer them nipples and them little bits that keep slipping away from me.

      • 104
        Expat Geordie says:

        3 million unemployed. 3 million recent immigrants. Nothing against the people coming here to work, but why pay our people to sit on their backsides? Sorry, silly question. Gordon did it to guarantee his power base.

      • 447
        Tony Bliar didnt fool me says:

        Most, you might want to rethink that statement…..

    • 49
      Postal Vote says:

      Indeed, it’s that simple:

      Last time Blair won it for Labour, Labour polled 9.5 million. That compares to:
      -6 million in the public sector (look how they have tried to buy the electorate in Hastings by growing customs there to build a stronghold in the south-east);
      -millions on benefits or receiving substantial benefits.
      Not all of them vote Labour, but they have relatives, dependents or close friends too.

      And then as icing on the cake, Labour’s clever war weapon: postal votes!

    • 108
      Anonymous says:

      Believe it or not ‘Einstein’ those millions on the dole would like to be in jobs paying tax to help get us out of recession.

      Now if only Camoron could come up with a growth policy to give them jobs.

      • 118
        Pawn Sandwich says:

        Cameron was handed a dysfunctional economy. Much as you would like it, there is no growth button to press. It does not work like that. Any party that took over from Brown was handed a poisoned chalice and Brown new this.

        Why did Brown reduce the PM’s salary just prior to the election and why did Brown gerrymander the two aircraft carriers bringing significant work to his constituency (and locking those carrier projects in with cancellation clauses that were more expensive than tyhe actual contracts themselves.

        Gordon Brown = no integrity.

        • 261
          Anonymous says:

          Good luck at the next general election Pawn sandwich.

        • 463
          Mr Straight Answer says:

          And why do Liebore constantly scream about cutting the 50% tax band to 45%, when it was at 40% for 12 years and 11 months of the 13 years of Liebore economic misrule? Brown cynically changed the 40% rate to 50% ONE MONTH before the 2010 election which he knew he was going to lose. What a tosser.

  19. 42
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    BBC thinking Ken has it.

    “Sacks of votes to come in for Ken yet” says Carol Walker smugly.

    • 53
      Postal Vote says:

      BBC’s use of Livingstone’s first name only has been nauseating.

      If the sacks of votes are votes of the postal variety, just skip the splitting them along party lines since 99.9% of them will in favour of da teks dodguh.

      • 69
        Jane Birkin from Paris says:

        I have lived in London when Livingstone was in the GLC.

        The nicest name I can find for him is ‘Hunt’ and believe me I have tried very hard.

        If Boris Johnson is to become Mayor of London again then I hope and pray for all women that he is neutered.

        • 75
          Your local neighbourhood vasectomist says:


          Then watch out ladees!! you know you’d be flattered!

        • 397
          Actions and reactions says:

          Has nobody told you during your very obviously sheltered existence that it takes two to tango?

    • 145
      Bongler says:

      Sadiq Khan’s been busy with the postal votes and a photocopier?

  20. 43
    Quisling says:

    Has the fat lady sung?

  21. 44
    Jimmy says:

    Not going to happen. Ever.

  22. 48
    william says:

    Tower Hamlets polling officer calling.Livingstone(Kenneth),137,529 votes,of which133,367 postal,Johnson(Boris Turkey) 1,209,all other candidates disregarded,spoilt ballot papers3,and I hereby declare the election an utter fix…

  23. 51
    Gordon Brown says:

    Neo Classical endogenous First!

  24. 52
    The Tosser in No 10 says:

    I say chaps!! Boris in No 10?

    Bally well never can happen!

    I’ve never ever heard him mention Big Society!!!

    I’ve never ever heard him mention advantages of the Wind Farm Scam!!!

    I’ve never ever heard him call for increased funding for the EUSSR!!!

    And that’s just a few things!!

    He hasn’t got a chance!!!

    Watt?? Wattage?? Watter?? ha hAh Hah!

  25. 54
    domino316 says:

    Election Summary;

    Cameron is out of touch with the electorate, Lib-Dems are going the way of the dodo, and a large portion of the British public are terminally stupid by voting for a party that almost bankrupted the nation.

  26. 55
    Hannibal from Carthage says:

    Emergency Court applications are invariably more costly than standard ones.

    But what the fuck in the Leveson Inquiry. We can piss about all we want and send the good old taxpayer the bill.

    Half of the electorate are so pig shit they wll not even query that this application could have been made a month ago and the only real national security considerations centre around the red faces of eight Cabinet Ministers.

    This would all be very sad if it was not very very true.

  27. 56
    Egged Millibland says:

    This is just the start!

  28. 59

    Eggcellent Chaps – I say eggcellent!

    • 70
      Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

      Scrambled message coming from plonker-nose ed.

      • 133
        Snotsicle says:

        Yes, his nose looks particularly odd today. Has he run into a door or something?

  29. 62
    I fucking hate the bbc says:

    Go on boris fuck these beeboid Hunts

  30. 64
    blowingWhistles says:

    There must be trouble down at the ‘Hot Air’ wind farm at the moment …

    The EU monsters must be so desperate and in the last chance saloon that in the past two days – they’ve had to call up the services of (1) Bliar the forever liar with his vizion for reforming politics and then on Ch4 News just now (2) the Prince of Darkness is back – talking his doublespeak as ever from Oxford.

    Wow – the 2 biggest Musketbequere Sorts of Project (Failed) Labour.

    Mandy is going for the “Eurozone MkII” a ‘newer improved EU’ (with new super strength whitewash and extra duplicity) – swallow the pill; it’ll be gooood for youuuu!!!!

    The Eurozone – (Accounts not audited for far too long) is and always will be
    a dead pig. Mandy is just trying to apply new Labour lipstick to the same old dead pig. Its all Hogwash Mandy. Spare us all please – any Kinnockio drivel ‘Luuvely Luuvely …

  31. 65
    Egged Millibland also says:

    The Yooyun Botheth keep egging me on!

  32. 66
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    If the newt imposter loses will he abandon his ‘prop’ to the Battersea dogs home, and no longer affect the blind man (pity me) vote.

  33. 73
    Anonymous says:

    Does this picture mean that Boris has lost mayoralty and can now concentrate on the Premiership?

  34. 74
    Anonymous says:

    Get out Cameron and take your dreggy mates Osborne et al with you!

    • 81
      Conservative says:

      Hear Hear. The sooner the better.

    • 89

      “THE CENTRE CANNOT HOLD” (john Biggs-Davison)

      • 92
        Anonymous says:

        - and Patrick Wall and Stephen Hastings – all good men and true!

    • 93
      Conservative says:

      The Tory Party is disintegrating – only Tories can save it. Cameron and his ilk have no place in it.

      • 421
        Archer Karcher says:

        If the SDP were still around Cameron would be it’s le@der. He is no more a Tory than Simon Hughes is.

  35. 82
    Postal Vote says:

    The Chinese, Indians and Turks and a few other countries will be laughing this month as Hollande takes France to the left (if that is actually still possible), German liberals will get another pasting in one of the regions (for not delivering on tax cut promises – please note Mr Cameron), a center-right government in Netherlands just collapsed and UK getting ready for left parliament.

    Let’s hope the normal countries block extra funds for the IMF to help the submerging countries. The earlier the electorate gets educated that you can not have welfare without work and socialist countries go bust, the better.

    • 115
      Londoner says:

      Who gives a shit what anyone in those countries thinks.

    • 153
      Joe says:

      Indeed, it looks like the ADHD sheep need a real in your face reality check and shown the ultimate conclusion of socialism. As some guy said: “You can run away from reality but you can’t run away from the consequences of running away from reality”. So bring on more immigration more multiculturalism, higher taxes, higher spending with a larger and growing deficit and ever increasing debit and lets see where all that leads to.

    • 427
      Archer Karcher says:

      “UK getting ready for left parliament.”

      You obviously have not been paying attention. The UK already has a left of centre parliament of smug “I know what’s best for you oiks” green nanny, tax and spend, we love the EU, progressive types.

    • 433
      haribo halfwit says:

      Deletions from ‘Normal’ countries list as of 1st May 2012: Norway, Iceland
      Surviving member(s): Switzerland,

  36. 91
    a piece of advice says:

    “…….Dave gives every appearance of feeling much the same way about his core vote, the solid mass of around 30 per cent of people who normally vote Conservative whatever the political weather.

    Many of these people, living in the market towns, suburbs and villages of Middle England, are baffled and bemused by the PM’s relentlessly chic metropolitan agenda.”

    Dave, stop listening to Sam and Nick and concentrate on being a conservative for once in your life. ffs

  37. 100
    Tower Hamlets postal votes gang says:


  38. 101
    a piece of advice says:

    “…….Dave gives every apреаrance of feeling much the same way about his core vote, the solid mass of around 30 per cent of people who normally vote Conservative whatever the political weather.

    Many of these people, living in the market towns, suburbs and villages of Middle England, are baffled and bemused by the PM’s relentlessly chic metropolitan agenda.”

    Dave, stop listening to Sam and Nick and concentrate on being a conservative for once in your life. ffs

  39. 110
    nellnewman says:

    Are we sure about that? I thought that electronic voting system that should have produced the result hours ago was still struggling to learn how to count.

  40. 111
    nellnewman says:

    And if Boris does ever make No.10 I wonder who’d he’d take for chancellor. Doubt it would be georgie porgie!

  41. 112
    LL says:

    Boris is another member of Socialist Right like Cameron…

  42. 116
    dr. sipp says:

    libdems scotland -massacre of glencoe groundhog day

  43. 117
    anon says:

    The results service is shite. 23.5 hours after vote no indication of the TURNOUT!

    That usually means someone is photocopying ballot papers.

  44. 119
    domino316again says:

    Election Summary; Cameron is out of touch with the electorate, Lib-Dems are going the way of the dodo, and a large portion of the British public are terminally stoopid by voting for a party that almost bankrupted the nation

    After one hour waiting for modding thought I should do it again

  45. 120
    Cressida's Dick says:

    So now we know:

    You are allowed 13 years to bankrupt a country but only 2 to repair the damage.

    Just over 3/4 million people in London are in favour of tax avoidance in public office.

    Dave is a cnut who is leading a once great party to the abyss. He might as well start acting and legislating like a Conservative as the faux socialist thing isn’t working.

    The Limp Dumbs can be safely ignored as they are now officially irrelevant.

    Having no policies at all and proposing to be a cast member of UK Downfall : Our part in it’s downfall, opening in SW1 and coming to a town near you in 2015 is fine.

    • 451
      Expat Geordie says:

      It’s like cancer. You spend 30 years smoking and then the treatment is an operation or chemotherapy, which takes a few months. You’re either cured or dead. Regardless of outcome though, the silly sod keeps smoking.

  46. 121
    Anonymous says:

    Well Boris is on the 2nd term of Mayor of London and thank god for that. :)

  47. 122
    Jimmy says:

    So to sum up, well over 800 gains, the promised disasters in Bradford and Glasgow didn’t happen, the swivelleyed wing of the tories are convinced that the thousands voting Labour are crying out for a lurch to the right and two of our chief embarrassments, Simon and Livingstone, are put out to grass. What with the red flag flying over the Elysee on Sunday how could the week get any better? Maybe Newcastle will get something on Sunday. It’s been that kind of week.

    • 127
      WVM says:

      Boris WON get over it!

    • 128
      Anonymous says:

      Yes Jimmy I’m sure the electorate have voted for more borrowing, more immigration, and more Ed Miliband. You’re so out of touch it’s painful.

    • 129
      I fucking hate the bbc says:

      It’s great keep ed there til it’s too late for labour to get rid of the inept fuckwit

      • 131
        Jimmy says:

        You had to spoil it didn’t you?

        • 134
          WVM says:

          Being co-conspirators we love pissing on bonfires Jimmy.

          • Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

            Most of the seats won by Labour are in the north, where let’s be honest if a member of the Liebore party raped a baby in the street he’d still get voted into power.

        • 137
          Jimmy says:

          btw, forgot a couple

          Liverpool Mayor, Tory candidate finishes 7th
          London Mayor, the two nationalists fighting it out for last place.

          • Anonymous says:

            Well that’s a surprise in Liverpool innit, the city of culture too?

          • I fucking hate the bbc says:

            Sooner self pity city drifts off into the mid Atlantic the better – probably still hear their bleating from there

          • Pick what fits my narrative and forget the rest says:

            London Mayor, Boris WON get over it!

          • Well it's a thought says:

            You forgot Jimmy that the politicians running Liverpool took it in their own hands to have a mayor, no referendum was granted to the voting public, Liebour democracy at it’s best.

          • Jimmy says:

            I wouldn’t worry. Flashman’s endorsement seems to have been the final nail in the coffin for the whole idea.

          • Tony Bliar didnt fool me says:

            lol Liverpool Jimmy,Watched crimewatch the other night what a fuckin place…..

          • Expat Geordie says:

            What happened there then? Did the tory candidate tell the real truth about Hillsborough? You know, the one where pissed up scousers who expected to get into a football match without paying caused the deaths of 96 of their own. A lad I was at school with (I don’t regard him as a friend but he was as honest as the day is long) was there and said that everything that The Sun reported was true, even down to the pissing on victims.

  48. 123
    dr. sipp says:

    heathrow passport checkout–1 london mayor count–0

  49. 124
    My left foot's a brick says:

    Isn’t it nauseating to see happy Labour members, and we all know the success is in spite of Ed, not because of him.

  50. 125
    dr. sipp says:

    hey jimmy

    SNP won scotland

  51. 136
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Here we go, there are voting problems in Brent where the votes are now being hand counted…well I think we all know what that means.

    • 140
      Jimmy says:

      UKIP tellers removing their socks?

      • 164
        A wild stab in the dark says:

        Narr, probably public sector workers adding a few more bags of postal votes.

      • 429
        Archer Karcher says:

        No Jimmy, it will be the ethnic “enrichers” up to their usual version of democracy. If you had any balls or a brain, you would admit it too.

  52. 138
    Anonymous says:

    Election counting is appalling compared to when I were a lass. New systems appear to have slowed things down substantially

  53. 141
    dr. sipp says:


  54. 144
    Bongler says:

    We need to sack the public sector sloths who are counting.

    No wonder my Council Tax is so high if these people struggle to count pieces of paper.

  55. 148
    Bob Diamond Freezer says:

    Well looks like a Boris win but a close call – quite extraordinary when you consider how shagged out Ken is. how Ken shot himself repeatedly in the foot, how the Standard has waged a non stop vote Boris campaign, how team Guido have blogged every piece of dirt they can find on Ken and airbrushed Boris etc etc. If after all that Boris only wins by a small margin it doesn’t say much for his world leader status.

  56. 150
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Sorry to say this folks but with the figures out at 21.58 (and 1 constituency to declare) with the number of green votes roughly equaling the tory lead – I think boris will lose on second preference votes.

    If I am wrong I can always change my handle.

  57. 152
    I fucking hate the bbc says:

    Two ballot boxes found in Brent – ycnmiu – delivered direct from tower hamlets

    • 155
      Pawn Sandwich says:

      What is your source?

      • 169
        grobdj says: previously showing 100% registered 99% scanned 99% verified then showed 98% registered 97% scanned 97% verified..

        …and now 99%,98% 98%

      • 182
        I fucking hate the bbc says:

        Guardian telegraph live blogs

    • 159
      Frank's son says:

      I wonder if we are going to see dirty tricks ensure a Ken victory? Hope I am wrong.

  58. 156
    Atilla The Hunni says:

    KEN WILL WIN….you red it hear first….RECOUNTS and 2nd preference gets it for KEN…..

    • 174
      WVM says:

      With 100% in and verified on the first preference I think the 2nd preference will give it to Boris, IMO. But 2 boxes of votes have now been found??? So the first preference vote is only 97% complete, very odd indeed and that needs looking in to for sure.
      So thanks to the wankers who lost two boxes of votes it’s all up in the air again.

  59. 157
    dr. sipp says:

    two boxes missing–needed to be counted manualy—OMFG

  60. 161
    Ah! Monika says:

    My posts do not contain Flash Photography.

  61. 162
    AJ says:

    Looking like a Ken win isnt it

  62. 165
    Truthteller says:

    The country will be proper fu(ked by then, can’t he get there sooner.

  63. 166
    anon says:

    @antoineclarke calling the election as impossible to tell if stolen. From 100% registered, 100% scanned, 100% verified to 98%, 98%, 97% in Brent and Harrow.

    It’s either a steal or shocking incompetence.

    The refusal to publish an official turnout number (not percentage, an actual number) is a dangerous sign. WTF is the Electoral Commission doing with these rules?

    • 173
      Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

      What do you expect when the people running it have no cultural background in democracy, other than beating their 4 wives to bits every night.

      • 181
        anon says:

        Nothing to do with race, religion or culture. This is incompetence or fraud.

        • 184
          Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

          Try checking out where all the voter fraud in the UK takes place, you won’t find it going on in the leafy parts of England, it’s the Is****c shitholes where the corruption is.

          • anon says:

            Brent and HARROW?

          • Archer Karcher says:

            Clearly you nhave no idea how London has been enriched. Harrow has one of the biggest M*sques in the country. Your conception of good old leafy Harrow are ill founded these days.
            Harrow east MP was Tony McNulty ( Labour ) until the last election when he was squeaked out, Harrow west solid Labour to this day.

    • 193
      reform is long overdue says:

      The electoral commission are doing what they always do. Last time they allowed the declaration of a result in Walthamstow with an 125% turnout in the High Street ward. They are a bunch of crooks.

    • 240
      Derek Simpson (AEEU) says:

      The Electoral Commission have lots of form – what about the ruse / fraud that nearly kept Jackson Another Ken in office – not that both candidates weren’t fully paid up members of Trotsky.

  64. 167
    BBC NEWS says:

    Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour Labour

    Now here’s the weather with Laura Tobin.

  65. 170
    Tower Hamlets voter says:

    All that voter intimidating we did at polling stations in Tower Hamlets and for what? Brother Ken not win this bastard election! I’m very pissing off! And what about all the bastard poster votes I sent?! Boris can shit off!

  66. 171
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Ha now they are talking about a recount, you can just bet it’s those f*****g M****ms who have fucked it all up.

    We used to be able to count all the votes by hand in a general election in just a few hours, but now in multi*******l London they can’t manage it after 24 fucking hours.

    • 178
      Frank's son says:

      It’s a f*cking disgrace!

    • 185
      A corrupt BBC/Labour cunt says:


      Ken for London!!!!!!!!

    • 187
      WVM says:

      That may be the case but you need to just relax and feel the enrichment that multiculturalism gives us all. Remember that curries are now Britain’s national dish and that alone justifies Labours mass colonization policy from the third world to our green and pleasant land. By the way saying “f*****g M****ms” may offend some views and posters here like Jimmy et al, and they will get offended on someone else’s behalf and you could well end up in jail for 56 days, so think on before posting please.

      • 210
        Sell London says:

        Sell fucking London !

        • 219
          WVM says:

          But who would buy it?
          Tis a festering pus-filled boil on the body of England.

          • Archer Karcher says:

            Londons cultural “enrichment” was a blessing from good old Labour who thankfully wanted to rub everyones noses in it. What a gift it is to behold.

  67. 172
    AJ says:

    This is suspiciously slow – something must be going on in the background. Might even be worth a narrow win for Ken for the scandal any review of ‘community’ voting would reveal.

  68. 175
    Abdul Jalal says:

    If Ken wins, we will make London a beacon for Sharia Law, honour killings and female genital mutilation. Welcome to Londonistan!

  69. 177
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    BBC getting ready for a Ken victory

  70. 179
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    If as looks likely Boris loses due to the fraud voting, he’s only got himself to blame. He’s had 4 years to sort out the corrupt voting system, scrap the postal voting and bring in proper sealed boxes that are all taken to a central counting centre and counted BY HAND using people who actually have a British passport.

    • 183
      Frank's son says:

      Well, people have been saying for a while that it might just come to this. Don’t expect Cameron or Boris to ask for an investigation….they’re afraid of being called racists!

      • 188
        Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

        Our voting system was described as as bad as a banana republic a few years ago, it’s getting worse day by day.

        I often wonder now if votes should always be counted by people from outside of the areas involved, would piss off those who pray to M3cca I know but something has to be done.

        You should also be required to produce a British passport to vote and postal voting should be banned totally.

        • 406
          Actions and reactions says:

          … and for those Brits who do not (for whatever reason) have a passport?

  71. 180
    Popcorn worthy fun! says:

    Sad Warsi and Chucky on Newsnight now!

  72. 189
    David Miliband says:

    I know where we’re going with this.

  73. 190
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Chukka a Mongo really is a fucking bell end

  74. 191
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Warsi could have washed her hair

  75. 192
    Soap Box says:

    NewsShite – Darth Warsi looks like that mussie of Eastenders

  76. 195
    BBC says:

    They have asked our people on the streets to help with the count. Stay tuned

  77. 198
    Quisling says:

    Who is that no mark with Warsi and that Chukup with the £1200 suit?

  78. 199
    Mrs Bone wants to know says:

    Peter Bone on Newsnight too.

  79. 201
    In The Shit Of It says:

    “Ken snatches victory from the jaws of defeat by ‘finding’ a couple of ballot boxes in Brent.” You could not make this shit up.

    • 204
      Quisling says:

      40′ containers from Karachi are not boxes!

    • 207
      Frank's son says:

      Adam Boulton saying it affects around 6.000 ballot papers. How do they know how many papers there are before they’ve been counted??

  80. 205
    Mrs Bone wants to know says:

    Peter Bone just made the quote of the day on Newsnight. He said “David Cameron has one hand tied behind his back because the government has to deal with wishy washy Liberals. The Liberals are only good for one thing and that’s being in opposition.” He ended by saying this is the beginning of the end for the coalition.

  81. 206
    Tory Govt By The Back Door says:

    You just did.

  82. 208
    Muzee says:

    In return for providing those two boxes of uncounted votes, I got £20 cash. I and my family will celebrate with a huge feast! Sheep’s brains and cow testicles. Praise allah!

  83. 209
    British Sheeple says:

    We don’t want to face up to the reality of our own narrow-minded selfishness irresponsibly and greed and we don’t give a fuck about this country and how our children will grow up in it. So come on guys, lets kick that fucking can down the road!

  84. 212
    dr. sipp says:

    im irish–In return for providing those two boxes of uncounted votes—praise guiness

  85. 213
    Anonymous says:

    BBC reporting that the Mayoral result was called at 23.59 last year.

    • 220
      Dead man under a tree wants Labour for murder says:

      Last year???? 2008 more like or was that Steph Flanders up to her usual high standards?

      • 255
        Theresa May says:

        I’ve written the screenpay for the next James Bond movie , its called
        ” Yesterday never dies”

    • 225
      Anonymous says:

      Er……4 years ago, not last year.

  86. 222
  87. 224
    Result now! says:

    Mayoral result due in a couple minutes.

  88. 227
    Caractacus says:

    So who won?

  89. 231

    Why the fuck do we piss about with this complicated system of voting ?
    I thought we rejected it
    The law of the land is still First Past the Post as far as i’m aware !
    One man one vote !

  90. 234
    Result now... sort of says:

    Result still due imminently!

  91. 235
    AJ says:

    Some bint on the BBC says Ken doesnt want a re-count. Wonder why?

  92. 237
    Ken Leninscum says:

    Dammit, I nearly put a grand on that posh Tory love-rat winning but my five illegitimate children had birthdays coming up.

  93. 238
    robbie says:

    everyone outwith London if you’ve ended up with that twat Livingstone

  94. 241
    The lumpen proletariat says:


  95. 243
    a broad abroad says:

    May I just commiserate with all you poor souls living in almost a banana republic.
    Shipped in foreigners- good or bad have distorted your elections.
    Postal voting has become a source of gross abusement.
    BBC is just a propoganda mouthpiece for the Socialist party, which is in itself just a mouthpiece for Labour Unions.
    Every political party can have it’s heroes [heroines] or subsequent lame ducks.
    To get 3 lame ducks one after each other where a previous administration has undermined all the basics leaving you no reserves but just a labour drain on the finances compounded by a thriving hand out culture makes life hard for all but the lucky few.
    Good luck. God save the Queen.

  96. 245
    Gordon Brown says:


  97. 248
    Gordon Brown says:

    Any minute now! They’re assembling in city hall!

  98. 249
    Anonymous says:

    I think they found Ken enough votes, whoopee!!!

  99. 250
    Peter Hain says:


    • 465
      I hate Tesco AND the Pope says:

      Peter Hain. There’s a piece of socialist scum I’d forgotten about. He’s almost the equal of the boy named girl who spouts so much drivel on Any Questions and every other time he opens his mouth that he must be a machine – a speak your weight thing that’s been programmed to pump out socialist puke for the masses. You know, the one whose daddy dropped the title but kept the privilege and the money and the coastal pile – the very same pile he wants to keep the irritating proletariat away from.

  100. 251
    Ken Doh! Nagasaki says:

    Ken is such an egomaniac, if he loses, I wouldn’t be surprised if he straps a load of explosives to himself that he got from his muslim pals and threatens to blow up everyone.

  101. 252
    Anonymous says:

    Come on Ken!

  102. 253
    you heard it here first says:

    Boris wins!

  103. 254
    Labour luvvie says:

    Come on Ken

  104. 257
    Labour luvvie says:

    Ken wins, Twitter is going crazy, he’s got it.

  105. 258
    dr. sipp says:

    london mayor result–are they waiting for cinderella?

  106. 259
    Labour luvvie says:


  107. 260
    Ed Balls fisted my hamster says:

    Ken beaming. Hunt.

  108. 262
    Labour luvvie says:


  109. 263
    Well it's a thought says:

    Bye Ken now fck off and get a real job somewhere.

  110. 264
    Labour luvvie says:

    Oh come on Ken!!!

  111. 265
    Ah! Monika says:

    Boris Wins………Well done Guido.

  112. 266
    Official result announced! says:

    It’s Boris!!!

  113. 268
    Boris says:


    I won and unlike Dave I am a Tory Leader without a Liberal deputy. And I’m also lots of fun.

    • 275
      ThePublic says:

      Havent I seen you on HIGNFY?
      Funny guy

      Unlike newt slime who is was an utter huhne

  114. 269
    Labour luvvie says:


  115. 270
    Ed Balls fisted my hamster says:


  116. 272
    Ken loses says:

    We can all breathe a sigh of relief. Boris has won.

  117. 273
    illogical says:


  118. 274
    The goody wins for a change says:

    Dave is Dead. Long live the Boris.

  119. 276
    Ed Balls fisted my hamster says:

    “Fat lot of good it did me!” Oh Boris you star… “Most creative and original [campaign]” “If only you’d promise NOT to stand again”. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  120. 278
    Labour says:

    All those postal votes for nothing! Fuck!

  121. 279
    Ed Balls fisted my hamster says:

    Is Ken pissed? I think he is. Disgraceful.

    • 285
      Ken Clarke says:

      If he is not pissed then he is an absoute disgrace.

      • 295
        Cuddly Ken (Vote 4 Me - Frequently & Often). says:

        Wouldn’t you get pissed, too, if you looked like me ?

  122. 280
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    Goodby and good ridence livingstalin.

  123. 281
    Funny man says:

    Boris actually ended his speech with “May the fourth be with you”.

  124. 282
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Boris – gracious. Livingtone bitter about Boris but not as bad as he normally is – he’s still a cnut though.

  125. 283
    Cressida's Dick says:

    So now we know:

    You are allowed 13 ye*ars to bankrupt a country but only 2 to repair the damage.

    Just over 3/4 million people in London are in favour of tax avoidance in public office.

    Dave is a cnut who is leading a once gre*at party to the abyss. He might as well start acting and legislating like a Conservative as the faux socialist thing isn’t working.

    The Limp Dumbs can be safely ignored as they are now officially irrelevant.

    Having no policies at all and proposing to be a cast member of UK : Our part in it’s downfall II, opening in SW1 and coming to a town near you in 2015 is fine.

  126. 284
    Disgruntled Sheffielder says:

    Hooboodyray. Boris is the man

  127. 286
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Go shag a newt Livingstone. You lost, get over it.

  128. 287
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Actually he’s getting worse – back to hypocrisy.

  129. 288
    Shazam !! It's Ken The Magician. says:

    Hold on ! Hold on! Just give me a minute and I’m sure I can turn up some more ballot boxes.

  130. 288
    robbie says:

    Well done Boris-pleased you’ve kept that gormless twat Livingstone out of office

  131. 290
    Ken end says:

    Ken just said this was his last election.

  132. 291
    Rusbridger/Thompson Axis says:
  133. 292
    Blow me down with a feather says:

    Bloody hell. Ken reckons the BBC is biased against Labour.

  134. 293
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Boris gives a very generous speech. attack on the government, Boris, the BBC… ohhhh those grapes must taste so sour.

  135. 294
    simon r says:

    Thanks for that Ken – now fuck off !

  136. 296
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Did Ken just complain about media bias? Unfeckingbelievable.

  137. 297
    Fuck off newtman says:

    Ken livingstone has just airbrushed the last 13 years of LABOUR government from history , the fucking lying Hunt!

  138. 299
    you heard it here first says:

    Ken says it’s his last election, and accuses the BBC of media bias. Hahahahahahaha……I’m off to bed.

  139. 300
    Blow me! says:

    I love BJ. Every day I wake up thinking “I really enjoy BJ”.

  140. 302
    chickenshit mofos says:

    fuck off to that stupid bitch going on about climate change.

    • 345
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      I reckon her fanny is probably the greenest part of her.

  141. 304
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Bollocked by Jenny Jones for barracking. She makes Geoffrey Howe sound like Pol Pot.

  142. 305
    Top Totty says:

    Having now seen the candidates, how come Siobhan Benita isn’t the winner? Are Londoners blind?

  143. 306
    lol says:

    I’d like to thank my husband …

  144. 307
    Not a night for pretentious quotes says:

    Boris Johnson ended his speech with “May the fourth be with you”. Funny, lighthearted and cheerful.

    Jenny Jones ended her speech with an irrelevant quote from a 17th century Leveller. Pretentious, self-indulgent and dull.

    • 315
      Par Sec says:

      The greens do not have a sense of humour, or any sense of human contact come to that.

      • 437
        Archer Karcher says:

        Name one commie who ever had a sense of humour. Their lives revolve around “the cause” nothing else is allowed to distract them from thier quasi religious crusade against humanity.

  145. 310
    Cuddly Ken, Loser by nature. says:

    Ooh, I could throttle a sausage !

    (Note to all my Muzzie pals: ‘Twill not be a naughty forbidden porky sausage).

  146. 311
    Lutfur Rahman - I'm not an Islamist cnut. oh no says:

    Paddick came across as Mother Goose. He gives shirtlifters a bad name.

    • 320
      Kenneth Williams, Briefly back amongst us says:

      “Oooh! You nawty old Copper, you !”

  147. 316
    Kate Smith says:

    It’s over, Ken. I’m making it official. Enjoy the ironic song.

  148. 318
    Gordon Brown says:

    I am proud to be the new mayor of London. Weeeee!

  149. 319

    The 60,000 short fall for Ken
    were held up by delays with immigration at Heathrow

  150. 321
    illogical says:

    Many many thanks to disheartened London Tories who threatening to turn to UKIP , saw the light and cast their vote for Boris.

    • 377
      Cracked record says:

      Actually, Boris might well reflect on the number of 2nd preference UKIP votes

  151. 323
    Anonymous says:

    Hilariously Sky have cut off after Paddick’s “Glad to be gay” speech.

    Shame – I would have minded hearing Siobhan and the UKIP speech. Still Ken’s fucked which is something we can all celebrate.

    Watching Irritable Jowell Syndrome trying to dress up Ken’s loss as some kind of LAbour triumph.

    Fortunately I’m watching Sky so they don’t accept her egregious bullshit as gospel.

    • 339

      It sent a shiver down my spine when Pad dick said “I would like to thank my Husband”
      I have never heard a guy say that before !

  152. 324
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Oh do piss off Jowell love.You were a waste of space before and you’re a waste of space now.

  153. 326
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Ken will be remembered as a hypocritical tax avoider who even at the last wouldn’t come clean.

  154. 327
    Richard Timney says:

    Elections? Fuck that. I’m watching Clash of the Tight Buns on Pay Per View, followed by Lawrence of a Labia.

    • 348

      No wiping your Election on my curtains mister

    • 349
      Nosey Rosie with her tea cosy. says:

      Not the late Sir Alec Guinness’ finest hour, I think we can agree.

  155. 328
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Now watching jowell praising Ken through clenched teeth.

    It must be tough for her – having to sign all those mortgage documents without understanding them and “divorcing” her corrupt husband to try and salvage her political career.

    She’s like a less attractive version of Fat Jacqui

    • 330
      I loikes 'em bite-sized says:

      She’s not a patch on My Sexy Little Chipmunk, that’s for sure.

    • 342
      Polly Seewonk says:

      LVDdS: “She’s like a less attractive version of Fat Jacqui”

      That’s worrying. Seriously.

      • 352
        Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

        It is however true.

        Labour – putting fat ugly birds in places you don’t want to see them.

    • 376
      Cracked record says:

      But she has all those grateful friends in the gambling industry to provide her solace

  156. 329
    Hahahaha... says:

    Go on then Ken fuck off!

    • 331
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      It’s hard to disagree with that. Perhaps Ken can go home, get pissed and buff the nearest bird.

      • 343
        Cuddly Ken's Magically Appearing Ballot Box says:

        Coo-ee ! Here I am with lots more totally above board votes for the people’s champion!

        What’s that ? Oh, fuck.

  157. 333
    Dead man under a tree wants Labour for murder says:

    Owen Jones on Radio 5 making a twat of himself once again.

  158. 334
    Cuddly Ken - Whoops, I ballsed up again ! says:

    Please will everybody stop telling me to “Fuck Off !”- Can’t you see I’m a beautiful, wounded human being ?

    • 340
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      I’ve got a 10 minute home made film of amateur actors claiming they are poor.

      Do you think you could drum up a few tears for them.

      Genuine crying only.

  159. 335
    Anonymous says:


  160. 336
    Tower Hamlets vote scam says:

    Boris beat Ken by 62538 votes. I bet Labour are furious that they only needed another 63000 postal votes to win.

  161. 338
    the advanced stages of CiF says:

    Ken’s right about the BBC bias though. I mean, how would he have got on if they *weren’t* bigging him up and insidiously disparaging Bojo at every opportunity?

    • 368
      Tory Govt By The Back Door says:

      You need to take off your blue tinted goggles.

      • 384
        Gordon Brown says:

        You need to see why they sometimes quaff champagne at the BBC with Jane Garvey.

  162. 341
    London postal vote co-ordinator says:

    Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Meester Galloway help me.

  163. 346
    Gordon Brown says:

    Well, I did phone Ken last week to wish him well.

  164. 347
    Ken'ell says:

    Tell me Neil, is it too late to become filthy rich as a consolation prize for losing an election?

  165. 351
    Pinko Dave says:

    So Dave take note.

    The homosexual vote collapsed and the true Tory vote Triumphed.

    Are you still going to make homosexual weddings the Law?

    The Green vote was shite too. A rethink on subsidising land owners to put up windmills and live the goodlife without lifting a finger is also required.

    • 360
      pompous arse says:

      no chance. I am too fucking thick and comfortable within my dinner party clique to acknowledge the bleedin’ obvious

  166. 353
    Polly Toynbee says:

    I’m disgusted by this result. I watched the announcement live on my laptop here in my villa in Tuscany.

    • 372
      Gordon 'Smiler' Brown says:

      I’m getting an iPad.

      It’s got wonderful aerodynamics.

  167. 354
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Radio 5 live. Makes TalkSport sound like informed debate.

  168. 356
    The iPad Generation says:

    Watermelons coming third in old Londonistian town, what mushrooms are these green voting sheep eating? Do they really think 8 million people living in such a small area is sustainable, protective of the environment or green in any sense of the word.

    Fucking hypocrites every last one of ‘em.

  169. 357
    Sky News says:

    I only just saw the footage of a bloke hitting Miliband with an egg. Top stuff!

  170. 362
    Kne LyingScum, Bringing the Bacon To Londistan says:

    Oh bugger! – no I didn’t mean that! . . . . um . . . Stone me! . . . no no no! – didn’t mean that either.

    Oh . . . .G …….!

  171. 364

    Ed Miliband asked me to pass on this message.

    Well done Boris.
    You got shot of that old scoate for good. We’ve never been able to figure out a way to get rid of him.
    Next time we can field someone good.


    • 367
      Polly Seewonk says:

      Tell Ed that Kate Hoey would be eggsellent.

    • 375
      the advanced stages of CiF says:

      You fielded Livingstone, you knob. Or wasn’t that you getting all loved-up with him on the campaign trail?

  172. 366
    Ken's seeing-eye dog (certified BookKeeper)) says:

    What complete arse confused the photocopier with the shredder?

  173. 369
    Eggy thump says:

    Ken looks suddenly old and grey. Sorry. Not.

  174. 374
    The lumpen proletariat says:

    You could say – it was an egg-cellent result…

  175. 378
    Kevin T says:

    Guido, you have certainly done the lord’s work this time, helping keep the Beast from City Hall. Alleluia.

  176. 380
    Where are the Routemasters? says:

    The politicians say that you should go and vote but they are shite. They say that nevertheless you should go along instead of refusing to go and vote. But when was the last time a politician took notice of the fact that no-one wants to vote for them?

    • 408
      Actions and reactions says:

      I think a certain discreditable Scotchman did that when he bottled an election at the last minute. Can’t think of anybody else since then.

  177. 381
    Flubberjubber says:

    There is too much censorship.

  178. 382
    Baroness Warsi says:

    Vote UKIP and your a WACIST!!!!!

  179. 383
    PinStripedChancer says:

    Gawd bless Boris. Nah there’s a chance for the workin’ man. I doff me cap yerohnner,…. Brilliant Bozza!!! Cocktails on me at Maze tom at 5pm. Guido followers welcome!

  180. 385
    not a machine says:

    Well done Boris , Viva el Johnson .

    Kens speech was interesting in that it backed Ed to next election , plenty of promotion based on totally unreal sounbites and hsitorical facts about the ecnomic situation , but hey he is allowed a speech . There was that outing of “labour are back” gem , true it annoys the hell out of me , but somewhere you get the idea that they are plotting there way back to running wonk land , indeed looking at some of the non scotland results they have been beavering away whilst being fairly crap for most of time since general election , serving up the coalition to double dose of Murdochs pain . The idea that future will be labour , is symbolic of what labours last few years in office were about , to deny the true scale of what labour did and then to invent a narrative where you need labour so as you dont suffer from posh boys polices (not that labours would have been that much different) , is exactly the sort of cynical messaege that the prols pick up either side of elections . I perhaps admire the scale of the political deviousness , but it shows quite a bit of how the pros work these days .

    Perhaps the most interesting fortaste of why the libs and labour like second vote and PR systems , is the way it acts as a trawler net , casting a leftist agenda so wide , even undecided think left . Ken was of course in with a good chance on second preference votes , If you voted 1st pref for paddick you probebely put Ken as second , same for jenny , same for Sioban perhaps even Carlos . The argument on FPTP systems has always won me over on that it concentrates the mind and the person being elected , much more securely . I mean we are rightly angry about voter harvesting and postal fraud , but if you cannot see how PR systems offer soft fraud oppertunities where you can sway the dynamics . True it can work on whatever flavour of politics you are , but more often than not the amoral of left arguments play it much more to succes . I mean if Tugger Timney had stood ken would have been second preference :)

    Is Egg Milliband safe ? is an interesting question , he is riding a bit of an artificail wave , in that his thrased vote in 2008 has sprung back in part due to lib dem dessertion to labours hot tub of desires rather than a popularity vote for Ed .
    Nick Cleggs struggles have perhaps only just emerged , I have met people who beleive in lIb dem politics , true a fair number are amphorous in most conversations with no hard edges , but some are hard edged , hooked like stalkers on pecular issues , that are lefty without them realising it . They often seem like a posher version of Labour sometimes , well these sorts by the looks of things may well trun nasty at lib dem conference on Nick , the question is perhaps as ever is who will be helping them .
    The conservatives have perhaps a few matters to resolve , which will either leave Dave with no trousers and harsh wedgie , or the sort of shake up that puts most doubts about a shake out to one side . Most of all he must resolve the wonk in spending that has led to some of the deep spats , if he cannot deliver on comptence of government , he will have gone on too long with an unreal modern dream . I think autum time is a good as any for any final decison , but to say the least some of us have had to snort some pretty foreign material from what used to be known as conservative . i am forgiving the situation has been difficult and Dave has had much to contend with , the politics have been far from useual in Uk terms , and he has managed some situations and matters very conservative and competantly .I know some blame the lib dems , but Dave has uttered some of the things of his own convcition . Quite wether steve hilton or sending Francis Maude off has given him some better insight , is a question only he himself can answer.
    we are certainly into some new politics , I personally do not like the look of its anti democracy and relation to freedom of moral thought , but its very powerful stuff and not much site of an urgency to consider where we have ended up , with various bad spells cast from the EU , the marxists , labour and ,divi up between the masters of wonk before the prols can have the credit enslavement , job insecurity (private sector) and brain numbing as there life .

    Other than that if between all the games of the last 20yrs, you have actually finsihed off the UK , my the lord have mercy on you , for that , it was my home and worth somthing , poets wrote about it , it was mainly well mannered and law concious and abiding , with public office meaning somthing . If all that it now means is hard porn , fast food and internet shopping and what celebs get up to , it will not be the country I remember and loved and felt free in .

    Was not Enochs other question about wether one should defend ones homeland , the most interesting one ………

    With this round of elections , it is me done , time for me to do some other things . jhn 1 vsvs 1-18 , john miltion bk2 chap 16 and of course dear St Francis of Assis

    • 386
      not a machine says:

      I meant Jhn vs 1- 18 although jhn1 vs 1-10 is pleasingly similar .

    • 387
      not a machine says:

      Not really having the best of leaving dos am I , I meant Walter hilton bk2 chap 16 , Godbless

    • 402
      The truth is out there but fucked if I know where to find it...... says:

      If Cameron tries to force through the LibDems Lords Reform he’ll find that Maastricht looked like a garden party….he’s taken his grassroots support for granted for too long

    • 423
      Jane Birkin from Paris says:

      I thought the only reason Boris won was because Millipede put up pensioner Livingstone against him.

      On the other hand Miilipede might have played a blinder now that Johnson has a contract until 2016.

      Cameron is going to have to stay in charge until 2015 and oh dear he just doesn’t get it.

  181. 389
    MONG says:


  182. 390
    Manager of Karachi's main printing press says:

    Dear Brother Livingston is it next Friday you need the 20 bags of postal votes I’m about to send?

  183. 403
    anonymous says:

    Boris 51% of 39% turnout
    Few wanted Livingstone but would vote Labour
    Ken – oh dear
    Very poor result overall
    Who cares – London is shit
    Democracy a joke

  184. 404
    Anonymous says:

    just how many people, across the world, has the USA killed in its efforts to be world number 1? Then of course claim how just it is?

  185. 404
    Well it's a thought says:

    Theresa May is on tv , they are certainly not listening to the public, unless the uconned us get rid of these idiots then they won’t get back in 2015, they just don’t get it.

    • 412
      Jane Birkin from Paris says:

      I think Leveson should have refused to hear her emergency application until she had released all her emails showing the gross misconduct of Brodie Clark.

      She can move fast when it suits her.

  186. 407
    Cripes! says:

    I feel the hand of Seyella upon me.

  187. 409
    Southern Softy says:

    I’m pissed off with the Olympics crap but at least Ken the Hunt won’t be at there as Mayor of London. Roll on September; I’m off to New York for a bit of peace and quiet.

    • 459
      Anon. says:

      Yes, bet that’s the bit that’s hurting him the most – not being able to sit on the world stage as the Mayor of London. Tessa promised him.

  188. 416
    Abdel from Tooting says:

    I would like to congratulate Mr Johnson on becoming my new Mayor.

    I would also like to point out that I put my bins out for collection on Thursday and they are still unemptied on Saturday morning.

    Could Mr Johnson please come here to Tooting straight away and sort this out for me especially as I pay my taxes bang on time.

    If he could come with a rat man that would be good too because I have seen two large ones this morning.

  189. 417
    Anonymous says:

    So what can we learn from the election results of the past couple of days?

    That the establishment are still in control.

    • 419
      Tory Party RIP - Killed by Camoron says:

      I’ve learnt that it’s not just me who thinks Camoron’s a c’unt.

      In fact, I’ve learnt everyone thinks he’s a c’unt.

      • 434
        illogical says:

        The nuances of our wonderful language.
        Personally I don’t regard Dave as being a c*nt, a term I reserve for the Bliars, Broons of the world.
        Dave is just a bit of a tw*t.
        All in all it comes down to a split decision.

      • 442
        50 Calibre says:

        Careful! They are quite useful sometimes…

  190. 425
    Well it's a thought says:

    I would love to know the overall turnout of the voting public for Thursday seems to be no endorsements for any of the parties, gives the impression that Liebour got in by default and the uconned us were just lucky where they kept their seats.

  191. 428
    Carrie o'Nupthekyber says:

    Now all the excitement’s over, can we persuade Paddick to polish his old helmet and get Livingstone banged up ?

  192. 432
    Watson & Simon - Pricks Incorporated! says:

    Apparently, Tom Watson’s little servant, simpleton Sion Simon, was on BBC Midlands Today TV last night blaming Brum’s decision not to have an elected Mayor on the stupidity of the voters in “not being able to understand” what they were voting for!

    • 440
      Oi loike cream buns says:

      Oh we understood allright

    • 460
      Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

      Only BBC Midlands would give this odious man airtime, because they are more left-wing there than at the TV Centre in London.

  193. 441
    Casual Observer says:

    If Dave doesn’t start acting like a real Prime Minister in what is after all the biggest crisis in most people’s living memory and put the socialist idiots who largely created the problem back in their box, he will have single handedly presented them with the remains of the UK on a plate so that they can finish the job of wrecking the place.

    It’ll be a case of mass emigration then. Glad I left all those years ago. I won’t get killed in the rush…

  194. 443
    English Parliamentarian says:

    If only I had a Parliament looking after my interests like all the other countries in the UK…

  195. 466
    Cradley Heath Graphite Sandwich says:

    vote jimmy

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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