Caroline Spelman on her needs…
“So what I really need is 17 inches”
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Ai Weiwei in China fighting the taxman…
“Under totalitarian rule, no one is protected by law. We will all be the same helpless victims. When a country insists on its lies, it’s time for an artist to bring forth change.”
Bill Quango MP says:
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
That let’s me out. By about sixteen inches!
I could shag her 4 times if that helps
Er, to me that sounds like very prem ejac. Think about it.
Is that GIRTH??
Environment Secretary says families should use bath water to flush toilets despite record rain
I’ve been standing in my shower for half-an-hour and still haven’t filled a cup.
Off to empty a Jerry-can
Ah! Got an idea. Pee in the bath. Problem ( well 50% of it ) solved.
Cherie believes in metric, but no-one can metre requirements
I’d giver her one!
She is spoken for.
Give the the Joker from Batman a call instead
http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3051/2814119588_4f41dcb356_z.jpg
Thank you for your comments. ” The reality of my daily life is that I’m juggling a lot of balls in the air… and sometimes some of the balls get dropped.”
Lacks ambition
Circumference?
2 x pi x r (sqrd) x h
Close – that’s the volume of a cylinder.
Mind you, she’s probably after maximum volume.
Not close at all. Unless you’re a kind of “it works don’t complain” engineer. Household Boiler engineer for example.
Hey. I know that. Grammar School Boy.
pi x r x r = area of a circle.
pi x r x r x h = volume of a cylinder
2 x pi x r x r x h = volume of two cylinders
Innit.
pi x r x r = area of a circle.
2 x pi x r = circumference of a cicle
2 x (pi x r x r) PLUS (2 x pi x r x h) = area of a cylinder
Easy.
Somebody mention Pi?
No – uncut, thanks.
Ugh, all these Tories want is a lobbying scandal to wash them all away. They’re all greedy for expenses and lobbying freebies
They’re truly sickening, aren’t they?
Too psychologically deranged to attend court and here you are, gracing the blogosphere with your large presence.
I see there’s nothing wrong with your sense of irony.
It was only the thought of being punished that made me
pretend to beill.Now that I haven’t been punished I’m feeling much much better.
Margaret, give me a call – I can give you some good advice (at a cost).
Believe me, alzheimer’s is the best card to play.
Just when you thought that this shambles of a country couldn’t get any worse….
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2138668/Im-ready-comeback-Blairs-millions-quitting–wants-engage-UK-politics.html
I don’t think Labour or Leveson will want reminding of that photograph about 2/3 of the way down…
Tony Blair next to Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Michael Mullen, left, and News Corporation Chairman and CEO Rupert Murdoch, right, as they accept their Leadership Awards at Atlantic Council’s 2008 Gala
The photograph was clearly Photoshopped to show our most successful leader next to the vile repulsive Murdoch. You are a fool not to have noticed this Stalinesque deception.
We would also like to point out that Tony Blair is vile Tory filth and never had anything to do with us.
Said in jest but we should not be surprised if, on Any Questions any time soon, Harperson states, with total confidence, that Blair was a Tory prime minister.
We were never at war with Eurasia.
What the Ruskies could have done with Photoshop!
It may yet prove useful to the Chinese with their Bo Xilai problem.
God help us, that’s all we need the kiss of death coming back to the trough, shouldn’t he be in jail for starting a war?.
Hi!
I’m very RICH !!! and you’re glad to see me! Remember voting for me??
Look! I’ve already called to say that I’m re-engaging wiv British Politics, – especially to help my boy Dave wiv my heritage. I can’t make my comeback any faster, – just got to finish off my P8@c* process!
Super aren’t I?
I’m suspicious. If you were really the Sainted Tony, you would have written “you guys are glad to see me”.
Its common knowledge that a parasite often revisits the same host
We never let go
She needs to find a job she may be able to do, like making a cup of tea or cutting flowers in the garden.
I’m interested, – I could help fertilise
yes, couldn’t she and jacqui Smith set up an estate agents company together?
About right for her competence at Defra. Evidently Sir Humphrey has no intention of letting her groom the horses, no matter what the Pasty Boy in No. 10 would like.
17 inches is far too short a drop to break her neck. She’ll just strangle herself.
And your problem with this is what, exactly?
I’d be happy to oblige
Ouch thats all I can say
Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “fuck a duck”.
http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2010/08/duck-penises/duckpenis/
I don’t think she knows what she wants.
I am sure Mr Cameron knows what is best for her and the country.
I say Chaps!!!! I know what the common people want!!! They want to know we’re dreaming up new scams to fix their drought – if they can’t afford Perrier of course!
Ha Ha hAh wattage . . .watter!!!!!
Girth?
Oh, I’ve got plenty of that, alright. Just google me
Local Government Secretary Eric Pickles ‘turned beetroot’ in his efforts to stifle his mirth.
I think Eric Pickles wants to be aiming for less than 140mm Hg
He should start to consume himself as part of his 5 a day
She’s probably referring to one of those extending ones – you pump fluid in and it lengthens. You do need a smooth bore and a tight fitting gland to avoid leakage, though.
Welcome back, Engineer!!!
Thanks!
17 inches – if you took that off Pickles’s waist he would only have a 73 inch waist…..
Will 17 millimetres do?
I’d slam her half a foot if she got me pissed enough.
It’s not funny in centimetres, is it? If this was Labour they would be wanting 43cm.
All I know is that inches are longer.
I could give Spelman 3 inches and Louise Mensch 6 inches.
After today Ken will be crying so much the drought will be over.
It ain’t over ’til the mail sacks are bringed!
When one measures in inches it sounds like you might be talking about bike tyres, computer disks or dicks.
There is no EU mandate on the metrification of cock measurement.
Freeeeedommmmmmmmm!
But surely French letters are measured in metric units?
Not sure that’s true.
Marine Le Biro described Sarkozy as a Mili-amibe. I think she meant he has a micro penis.
She demands immediate withdrawal.
A horse, a horse, my ministry for a horse!
Too far, Ohuch, not so fast.
I need 17 also. 17 votes per bedroom should do it.
Okily dokily.
I think G Brown could help, I don’t know about the 17in, but he f**ked the economy right proper
PM prepares to reshuffle Cabinet as he braces for a pounding at the polls
he’s finally got rid of that bloody big table and now we can all play twister together
I stand ready to humbly serve at the bigger cabinet trough.
Where are you watching / reporting from tonight Guido/neo?
Are you going to be on air when the hand of history glides down and gives Ken an almighty slap across his chops?
You have to admit London owes Ken something!
Speaking of Quangos, have you seen any bonfires yet ?
We need more reservoirs or less people.
In Britain people call Ed Milibamd the ‘Big Wet’.
Again the French have a good word.
Le Pisseur.
And a good phrase for Guardian readers too.
Les incontinence nocturne;
Le personne qui pisse au lit.
Boris could put on a big stovepipe hat and make a huge canal from mid wales to london. Right through Witney. See if he can get his mates to pay for it like he did with the bikes.
Her favourite music is Tom The Tailor and When Celia Was Learning by Henry Purcell.
there was a youing lady from Bruges
whose xxxxxx was amazingly ‘uge
said Louis Quatorze
when she’d hauled off ‘er drawers
Mon Dieu – apres moi le Deluge!
The messiah will return and you will all bow before him
Shouldn’t the strap read – Caroline Spelman on her special needs…
And no-one added, “Said the actress…”, to give her a clue?
What are we coming to as a society?