The Guidogram round-up of the week is going out shortly. Don’t forget you can now also read the Sunday edition of the blog exclusively in the Daily Star Sunday.
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You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…
UKIP Pros and Cons | Allister Heath
“The Double Income No Kids Existence” | Alex Deane
David Nicholson to Quit NHS Next Year | HSJ
We Don’t Have Gatsby-esque Inequality | Tim Worstall
Dave Will Still Win in 2015 | Toby Young
Activists Should Ignore the Sneerers | Jacob Rees-Mogg
NHS Can Kill Tories | James Kirkup
Dave Lets Labour Take Credit For Gay Marriage | FT
UKIP Set to Out-Poll Tories | Telegraph
UKIP Spokesperson Slaps Down BBC | The Commentator
Tobin Distanced Himself From Robin Hood Tax Protesters | FT
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Lord Tebbit has his say on ‘aggressive homosexuals’:
“Why shouldn’t a mother marry her daughter? Why shouldn’t two elderly sisters living together marry each other? I quite fancy my brother!”
Google-eyed-Dave
A man who sold counterfeit medicines, including Viagra, has been told to hand over more than £14m by Southwark Crown Court.
£13,999,999 of that is mine
Sarah bought the first one
I salute your indefatigability.
Is it ‘cos u is blick?
only 11hours and 55 minutes left to mount the dead woman
The Egyptians are allowing 6 hours as rigor mortis will spoil the fun after that. They should know ffs.
I always find that rigor mortis makes them tight.
Mummy
Important story in tonights Evening Standard about postal vote scams in Tower Hamlets from the pro-Red Kenneth campaign:
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/mayor/tory-chief-warns-of-voter-fraud-links-to-ken-livingstone-backers-7684587.html
http://www.jihadwatch.org/2012/04/nicolai-sennels-report-from-the-therapy-room-why-are-muslims-more-violent-and-criminal.html
Very interesting article AC1 which I had to read at high speed as I was just going out of the door. Of course, there are those who do not take kindly to psychologists at all – but I will let that one go for now.
I have read Plato, Aristotle, Xenophon, Thucydides, Sophocles, Euripides, Aeschylus, Aristophanes and so many more; all of which have come down to us from the Arabs (who I know are not completely co-terminus with Islam), via the Royal Library of Alexandria, clearly before the start of Islam.
This shows the Arabs of the time to be highly civilised people. Again, we know that it was considered a pleasure to bugger little boys in Athens and the other city states, probably Egypt too, but that does not detract from the sheer intellectual force of these works.
Therefore the change in world view seems to have come about with the growth of Islam. The interesting point was the partial assimilation that the report uncovered actually having a hardening effect on the second generation immigrants. It is the worst of both worlds.
I suspect you are mixing the Assyrians (Ran the library) with the islamic arabs…
I am not talking about Ashurbanipal.
The Copts – currently persecuted by modern Islam – are actually the (now Christian) true descendants of the great Egyptian dynasties and temple builders…the civilisation declined as waves of Islamic thugs swept across the region in the period after the fourteenth century AD.
Most of them were the notorious temple robbers
Despite the BBC’s obsession with Islam and ramming spurious theories about it’s greatness, how many Nobel Prizes for Medicine, Science etc have they actually won? Only one I understand by a Muslim who belongs to a liberal sect unrecognised by mainstream Islam.
I have never understood how Britain could have had a totally looney mad corrupted and hysterical man as a Prime Minister
My readers would love to know how that happened…
At least you can only use a few of those adjectives about me
You are just partially mad old son because you do not even realise that you are totally corrupted…
Le reponse, M le correspondent, est parce que Mme Shirley Williams, etait une vache du premiere ordre.
En anglais: She fukked up our ejercashun sytem and the cunntry has never recovered.
>I have never understood how Britain could have had a totally looney mad corrupted and hysterical man as a Prime Minister
Three times in a row.
Pssst! Wanna call my Cones Hotline?
I agree with Nick!
Gordon Brown (repeatedly) says:
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
April 27, 2012 at 7:25 pm
I agree with Nick!
In the early Nineties there was an epidemic of road cones reducing the carriageways of at least the M11, A1, M18 and A19. These are the roads I was familiar with, and on which journey times were often doubled. Most of the time no actual road work being done.
Within weeks of the cones hotline being introduced, the lines of cones vanished, basically never to return.
John Major was the last decent and effective PM we had, but the ‘cones’, and the way he tucked his shirt into his pants, were successful constructs used by mandleslug and co. to trivialise him and to persuade the sheep to vote for a regular charlatan who promised things would get better.
It serves the fuckers right for being so thick, that they’re in the shit they’re in now.
Johnny M was a decent bloke, unlike Brown, Bliar and the currently incumbent fraud. He had a strange taste in women on the side, but I’ll take him over the mass-murdering slime we had from ’97 until the one-eyed Scottish moron forced his way into the job he couldn’t handle. Johnny M can sleep soundly, unlike Bliar. Until Tony stands in the dock a la Charles Taylor, with Campbell the Depressive alongside him, Britain can never again claim moral or legal superiority over any other country, third world or otherwise.
Campbell rejoices in the fact that he made up the underpants story
You fecking Tory scum sh*t faced C*nt I’ll ave yer bar steward
Well there was David Lloyd George.
That was three in a row. My father would not have known him if his purchase of shares in the American Marconi company had become public. His fellow Liberals defended the indefensible – not much has changed…
Your father knew Lloyd George? (*melody of “Onward, Christian Soldiers!” plays in background*)
From what I was brought up to believe as a child, everyone’s father did…
[My father was born in 1909]
what about you mother?
I can never forgive DLG for the way he slandered Douglas Haig. Haig had the toughest job ever given to any British general, ever, and he succeeded. David George (he added the name LLoyd) wasn’t fit to lick Haig’s boots.
Are any of those viagra going on the cheap? Boaz.
That’s a stiff sentence
Yay! missed it last week
81lly go back to your own blog
So you only ever visit one blog?
Have you always been a c’unt?
Do we have to subscribe for pornography to receive the Guidogram please Sir ?
Hello Guido, my fellow reporter
Will you publish me latest scooooop please ?
I found a Wag shagging a Foootiballer in a Mandy Maserati on Primrose Hill
If you know what I mean
This will be HUGE CELEB STORY but Dirty Desmond (our boss) won’t publish it…
PS I even got a shot of her booooobies…and his footie pecker..gaaawh
You should not make fun of Dirty Desmond
He has understood it all
When the final collapse comes (it is well on the way), the People will revert to their purely animal instincts
Shagging, screwing, buggering, wife swapping, you name it, everything will go
Gay marriage, incest and all the rest
Plus the eternal Footie and the mass hysteria and mayhem in and outside the arenas…
Plus some fighting to the death, humans and animals, and all the dreams of Dirty Des and Guido will have come true
And they will have made the cash out of it…
You make it sound like fun.
Could be that if you play your cars right, you won’t have to pay for it anymore.
Hello Mr bogof!
I always play my cars right.
Nice 4×4. You would love it.
Helps with global warming.
Must do my bit.
Fucking sticky d.
You got a sticky dicky? Wow!
SC, what exactly is that your car has 16 of ?
Apologies, we seem to be running on (n-1) dimensions right now.
We’ll fix it and return to reality shortly (once we’ve figured out what reality actually is anyhow).
What’s Robert Powell doing at a drugs inquiry?
Select committee?, you need a good spliff beforehand to put up with hours of that turgid rubbish.
Our Father, which art in Heaven, Hollywood be Thy name…
Chips??? anyone say Chips???
Russell Brand’s a cuηt.
That’s pronounced “koo-eht” in Attic Greek.
Not many people know that.
Reformed? He was high as a kite.
Will this help kids on drugs?
Of course not, they’ll say “it all worked out OK for that Brand guy” and carry on.
What a tosser.
Twitter
Will Straw: How do u explain Germany’s recent uptick? (And no they aren’t undertaking austerity at home)
Our host: Export driven strong economy with fiscal discipline. They didn’t have Gordon Brown and Ed Balls running the economy for a decade.
I am there right now and can vouch for this. Are these lefties shutting their eyes, their minds or both?
Twіttеr
Wіll Strаw: Hоw dо u еxplаіn Gеrmаny’s rеcеnt uptіck? (Аnd nо thеy аrеn’t undеrtаkіng аustеrіty аt hоmе)
Оur hоst: Еxpоrt drіvеn strоng еcоnоmy wіth fіscаl dіscіplіnе. Thеy dіdn’t hаvе Gоrdоn Brоwn аnd Еd Bаlls runnіng thе еcоnоmy fоr а dеcаdе.
І аm thеrе rіght nоw аnd cаn vоuch fоr thіs. Аrе thеsе lеftіеs shuttіng thеіr еyеs, thеіr mіnds оr bоth?
Will Straw should ask his Grandfather for advice about Germany. Apparently that man liked the Germans and could see no wrong in what they were doing in war. He liked his home comforts too much!
Louise!
Krishnan Guru Murthy of Channel 4 News is a complete jumped up wanker. Mind you it’s hard to find any of the media tossers that do not have their heads stuck up their own arses.
Her and Naomi Grimley – the famed ugly sisters of Cindarella fame? With Sally “you must surely agree with me that” Bundock as the reserve.
Have you seen Alphaville?
Earlier this week the European Commission’s proposed a whooping 6.8 per cent increase for next year’s EU budget. To soften the blow the EU says it will axe 1% of its staff.
A whole 1% ? Can you afford the loss? Who will press the button for the lift? Who will park the limousine?
How much is 1% of 40,775, staff? I make it 407. Mr Barroso makes it 274. So a cut of 0.0067%
However the EU .. is also taking on an additional 280 staff as a result of Croatian accession, expected on 1 July 2013, bringing the total number of staff across all the EU institutions to 40,769.
In other words, net, it is only cutting 6 jobs.
6 tea ladies about to be slung off the gravy train.
Have you seen Alphaville?
Earlier this week the Europ/ean Commission’s proposed a whooping 6.8 per cent increase for next year’s EU budget. To soften the blow the EU says it will axe 1% of its staff.
A whole 1% ? Can you afford the loss? Who will press the button for the lift? Who will park the limousine?
How much is 1% of 40,775, staff? I make it 407. Mr Barroso makes it 274. So a cut of 0.0067%
However the EU .. is also taking on an additional 280 staff as a result of Croatian accession, expected on 1 July 2013, bringing the total number of staff across all the EU institutions to 40,769.
In other words, net, it is only cutting 6 jobs.
6 tea ladies about to be slung off the gravy train.
And what were tea ladies doing on the gravy train anyway? (at €80,000 each plus perks)
When you used the word kukaburra yesterday, I was taken back to my childhood and an incident where a friend had decided to name her dinghy after the bird. So she proudly went out and bought two as, two ks, two rs and two us. Completely forgot the b!
Come to think of it, that is what I want to do when [Ken Livingstone] loses.
It’s spelt kookaburra
It is my belief that this is a question of transliteration. The Wiradhuri aboriginal language had it as gugubarra some 150 years ago. Kookaburra is certainly more widely used now but that is not to say that it is the only correct spelling. Dr Johnson does not opine here.
I thought that it was a make of cricket bat. Can I use that on Ken, please?
Whatever, they’re big bastards and they shit like hell.
I don’t want any employee of my beloved EU being made redundant!! Crikey, no.
I’ll close a few old people’s homes, increase fuel duty and then increase next year’s UK contributions to the EU by a couple of billions. That should cover it, what what?
Toodle Pip!
Surely you jest? 6 wine waiters or 6 champagne facilitating operatives perhaps.
I think you’ll find the current PC verbiage is ‘Technician’ – as in ‘Wine Technician’ – or some such utter fucking bullshitty NooLieBore PC claptrap – from the says when all jobs were renamed / retarnished / regraded / blah balh.
(Apologies for the interruption.)
If you are feeling unbalanced don’t wear Brown today and the number 2 will be unlucky for you. A very fat woman with a bright orange cardigan points to your destiny. Wear cerise for luck.
Methinks you have Aries in Uranus again.
I prefer a large cheesy cock in my anus.
What about a hen?
You should listen to Dead or Alive for inspiration. If that don’t get your tail spinning then wear a mauve flea collar to get rid of whatever is bugging you. . Stay away from dark alleys on Tuesday night or the fur will fly. Number 1 brings you luck.
And if I were Ken Livingstone I could get my psalm red. Insha’Allah.
BBC News now spinning all the cold wet weather we’ve had recently as signs of climate change. It’s a good job they changed it to ‘climate change’ as the old buzz word of ‘global warming’ wouldn’t have fitted the narrative too well.
These fuckers have no shame whatsoever.
Nothing to see here.
I got snowed up on Salisbury Plain in the 1970s in late April. Plus ca change etc, but as I recall we were supposed to be heading for a new ice age back then so that freak weekend was taken in evidence as fact of the change.
I told a rent-a-shrink my name is Princess Leia and I was born in 1764 and he declared me unfit to stand trial. Ain’t life grand?! And that reminds me, I stole over 20 grand off you lot and got away with it!
The only downside is I now have to keep up the pretence every time I leave my house. Going to the shops with a pencil in each nostril is a bother but it’s a small price to pay for avoiding prison!
Well done Margaret, I would follow your example, if I ever got caught, but I am fortunate enough to have the protection of the Grand Master and to a lesser extent the former PM Gordon Brown, for bringing all the immigrants in to Portsmouth for him. Boaz.
http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/portsmouth-takes-quarter-of-south-s-asylum-seekers-1-3548241?commentspage=0
I told a rent-a-shrink my name is Flobadob and I live on Button Moon and he declared me unfit to stand trial. Sucker!
Crazy bitch!
If all my followers each gave me a £0.50, I could retire and go live in Miami
I think you’ll find Miami has been heavily enriched God.
Pronounced “hey-soos” locally.
I wonder how she got her name.
Diving to great depths.
Your D Cups floweth over
http://tinyurl.com/d6ytzmd
Also, more seriously, this:
http://tinyurl.com/d5enuwh
Nice, er, tit.
Clearly beyond the pale, I’ll get me coat.
Can someone tell the disgruntled lorry driver who was refused an HGV licence that the decision to deny him a licence was made by a Mrs M. Moran?
Disclaimer for thick lefties: The above is humour and not intended as a serious incitement to violence, unlike the actions of your saintly Tony Blair and his dodgy dossier or the events on Harrowden Hill.
Moran shouldn’t worry. I’m sure that in a matter of weeks the BBC will invite her to do a reality show or a documentary and pay her handsomely from licence payers’ money. Then she’d have robbed us twice.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Margaret Moran is a heroic figure in the socialist struggle.
How long before…
“Our top story tonight, the man who threatened to blow up an office which refused him an HGV licence has been released without charge after his solicitor told police his client was suffering agitation at the thought of being prosecuted. The police agreed that charging the man would cause him immense distress.”
I was arrested for drinking battery acid. They kept me in a cell overnight, but decided not to charge me in the morning.
A sort of volt face?
‘Ello ello! Watts all this then?
Lol, a salt and battery.
Guy walks in to a bar with a set of jump leads tied round his neck..the barsteward says…..”don’t you start anything in here!”
A woman asked the hardware store clerk, “Do you have any batteries?”
“Yes.” The clerk gestures with his finger. “Can you come this way?”
“If I could come that way,” the woman answered, “I wouldn’t need
the batteries.”
I saved my secret lover’s phone number under the name “LOW BATTERY”
Whenever she calls and I’m not around, the misses takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly.
I’ve just been hacking your phone and saw that.
What I want to know is, who the hell are 999 CALLS ONLY, NO SIGNAL and OUT OF CREDIT?
Dear Cancer
Please find your way into Margaret Moran. Thanks.
I declare war on mouthwash.
Is it the state capitol of Alaska?.
I stuck my finger up my bum and now it’s gone all smelly hehehehehehe…
Three years ago that finger would have poked my eye out.
And how do you warrant your salary Nick?
Three years ago if Brown had stuck his finger up his arse he’s have poked Robinson’s arse, so far was he up Brown’s botty.
Guido, simple question……..
do Rupert and his Thai partner have sex?
1. Wendi Deng was born in China, not Thailand
2. Her birth name means Cultural Revolution
3. She has had two daughters since her marriage to Rupert Murdoch
All else is surmise.
Does she eat cats?
No one who is serious about their future does…
Only chocolate points
Yes she takes in the bum, dirty diggers love bum.
Time to cash in folks, head for Barnet Council,
where 47 employees got more than £100k in 2011.
Just think what tomorrow could bring.
Austerity, Cuts, don’t be silly, we’re on the Council now.
Onwards and Upwards Comrades.
Barnet could do with a good haircut then.
Their pay’s not Fair.
Redheads under the bed?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financialcrisis/9232472/Frances-Francois-Hollande-and-Germanys-Angela-Merkel-clash-over-euro-austerity-pact.html
Oh gosh, crikey! If the Eurozone’s in trouble, I’d better increase your fuel duty and give even more money to the EU, eh, what what?
(Seriously: you know I’m going to do this.)
Toodle pip!
Oh gosh, crikey! If the Eurozone’s in trouble, I’d better increase your fuel duty and give even more money to the EU, eh, what what?
(Seriously: you know I’m going to do this.)
Toodle pip!
Well I never, who’d of ever seen that coming!
I really don’t think that if the e ro/single currency loving socialist bore gets elected he will do anything to upset the e us’ sr. In fact he will do just the opposite and it’ll all be back to normal with the french/german love-in and ever closer union.
Well lets say for the sake of any argument your right, he gets in and then U-turns on everything he’s said and shits all over the socialist twats that put him in.
Who do you think will get in next time after the economic shit has hit the EU fan?
Merde alors! Or is that Mayor Delors? French never was my strong point.
Pick your poison, this bust up is real.
http://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/0,1518,830090,00.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/apr/27/francois-hollande-angela-merkel-clash-eurozone
Merkel has her back against the wall with the German people, she will not allow the rest of Europe to fire up the euro printing press via the ECB and erode German savings, which are sizeable. Germans have a great fear of printing and this will be politically impossible for her to agree to. Also she’s is not prepared to renegotiate the European Union fiscal pact with Hollande either, as he wants to relax the rules and start borrowing his way out of debt again. You got to love those socialists, completely insane but totally predictable as ever.
You can run away from reality but you can’t run away from the consequences of running away from reality.
I think you will find a considerable difference between what President Hollande says and what he actually does.
He has already been selected by the people who really run France and he will not cause them too many problems.
He will sign that fiscal accord against some hogwosh about business loans from the ECB.
Mark my words
Belated Happy Birthday Neo.
That would make him a Taurus, hedonistic, money grubbing bastards.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
Why not take a blurry black and white photo of your mandingo using Instagram and get the whole office to coo over it by telling them it’s an ultrasound of your firstborn kid?
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/features/horoscopes/your-astrological-week-ahead%2c-with-psychic-bob-201204255163/
I’m addicted to brake fluid……………..I can stop anytime!
I had thought Lord Adonis a reasonable chap until Any questions this evening. I have not heard such socialist shite pronounced on the BBC since the early 70s. The BBC scientifically selected audience loved him. What the fuck is going on?
Having made that complaint I have to praise the BBC R4 for last week’s and this week’s more or less.
Serves you right for listening to that bollocks. I’d rather watch Iggle Piggle tbh.
Gordon Brown?
Dear MPs,
Our firm of psychiatrists offer a bespoke service to meet individual legal needs. If you require a diagnosis that recommends you’re mentally unfit to stand trial, we can provide your defence team with a full and detailed diagnosis that guarantees you’ll avoid standing trial.
We have hundreds of satisfied customers. Just read our testimonials.
“Rent-a-Shrink’s service was impeccable. Thanks to them, I’ve got away with stealing £22,000 from the taxpayer”.
Mrs M. Moran
Call us today for a no-obligations quote. We’re here to help.
Very generous appraisal- Just the 22000 pounds.
The wiki page revals she made Eric Joyce look like a choir boy and got away with much more than that
Meanwhile in Danny Alexander’s constituency
“HUNDREDS of locals in a once-prosperous seaside town are relying on food handouts to survive.
Skint residents swamped by debt are depending on charity for their meals in Nairn.
Blythswood Care — which runs a Highland food bank — said they had never seen such a high level of demand.”
http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/4282600/Our-food-handouts-to-survive.html#ixzz1tDemX0qa
What do you reckond Danny?
Cheers for the tax cut, new Veyron supersport on order.
Why should you pay for people who have decided to borrow too much (probably to buy houses and expect a windfall gain selling it to their own children).
that’s right, leave it to the politicians hey?
?
It seems to be turning to s***e in Danny’s constituency and so far no comment to the press. Too busy enjoying London life? Safe Tory seat a little further down the road next time?
Oh er the wheel nearly fell off labours economic narrative on R4any questions , ……..
Reckon U need 2 move on Guido. Sorry to say it but ur blog is looking tired.
hopefully the latest Guido missive will outline the facile relationship between the elites and the majority of the uk population. The elites who want for nothing, who can do anything and not be at all accountable versus the population who not only cause all the problems but are too stupid to know and need controlling 24/7.
the elites don’t live in the same world anymore – they occupy the land of make believe. It’s about time they fell to earth and paid for their misdeeds. Are you listening Cameron? Are you listening Hunt? Are you listening Moran?
In reply to something way, way up the page on postal fraud in Tower Hamlets…
“Housing minister Grant Shapps urged police to consider deploying officers at polling stations to deter fraudsters next week.”
Chr*st on a bike.
1) T May can’t get legal dates right
2) Hunt hides behind trees to avoid being connected with Murdochs
3) Shapps wants police outside polling stations to prevent postal fraud.
Current batch of Tories are making the shadow cabinet look like candidates for MENSA.
My neice is getting married this summer.
She has written to David Cameron Gordon Brown Tony Blair and John Major inviting them all to the wedding.
Not one of them has replied!