April 27th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Umbrella Holder Edition)

The best suggestion for what the “Blairite she-devil” is thinking will win a handy compendium of Ken facts:

“THE TRUTH ABOUT KEN – His Cronies, His Scandals and His Hypocrisy…”

Answers below…


323 Comments

  1. 1
    One rule etc says:

    “I am really 7 ft just like I promised to publish my earning”

    Happy Birthday Neo-Guido :)

    Like

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Wine would have been a better prize

    Like

  3. 3

    Even umbrellas can’t stop the rain on Livingstone’s parade

    Like

    • 160
      W.W. says:

      Actually if you look, she is not even holding th umbrella over his head.

      She doesn’t even have the ability to hold an umbrella for someone, and she wanted to be mayor of London?

      W.W.

      Like

  4. 4
    I Squiggle says:

    Yer, and after the Election his speech on Jobless & Poverty will then be: Big Issuuuue, get yer Big Issuuuue..

    Like

  5. 5
    D L George says:

    Dr Livingstone went to Londonistan in the pouring rain,
    He stepped in a puddle…

    Like

  6. 6
    Rupert my Hero says:

    And I said to Gorgon

    Like

  7. 7
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    Holding his own bloody umbrella must be too taxing for him.

    Like

  8. 8
    spoonful of Sugar says:

    ‘Well, at least I got to be Mayory Poppins…?’

    Like

  9. 9
    IanVisits says:

    Ken denies using umbrella company to shield tax affairs

    Like

  10. 10
    One rule etc says:

    KIng ” I never thought i would support a Big Issue seller”

    Like

  11. 11
    I Squiggle says:

    Oona: “I hope that cheque really is in the post..”

    Like

  12. 12
    Anonymous says:

    Some day my plinth will come…

    Like

  13. 13
    Oona, looking like a Bl*ck Mary Poppins says:

    ‘A spoonful of Sugar helps the medicine go down…’

    Like

  14. 13
    Anonymous says:

    What would they say if I gave this a shake, right… now?

    Like

  15. 15
    One rule etc says:

    King “Well thats my career washed down the plug hole”

    Like

  16. 16

    Christ, I hope my picture isn’t going to end up as a Guido Fawkes caption competition.

    Like

  17. 17
    I Squiggle says:

    I’ve lied, I’ve humiliated myself, and I can re-write history as quickly as the next booted out politician, thought Oona King..

    Like

  18. 18
    One rule etc says:

    King “God i need a drink”

    Like

  19. 19
    Anonymous says:

    “At last I have reached the summit of equality I have always dreamt of by performing the essential task of holding an umbrella over my master whilst being three paces behind him.”

    Like

  20. 21
    One rule etc says:

    King “Well, i can always get a job as a Guy News Intern”

    Like

  21. 22
    Jokester says:

    YES WE KEN!

    Ooh, na

    Like

  22. 24
    Steve Miliband says:

    Attack of low flying squirells quelled

    Like

  23. 25
    Well it's a thought says:

    Ken and truth, error, error, does not compute, please close all applications and reboot .

    Like

  24. 26
    A pragmatist says:

    Like

  25. 27
    One rule etc says:

    King “It should have been me on the box…”

    Like

  26. 29
    I Squiggle says:

    Oona: “Hang on, that’s not George Galloway!!”

    Like

  27. 30
    The Old Todger says:

    What on earth am I standing here in the pouring rain for listening to KenBoy rabbiting on and on?

    Like

  28. 31
    Koinkidink says:

    I’m not sure this is what they had in mind when they asked me to cover your back.

    Like

  29. 32
    Well it's a thought says:

    Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to remind you, your money will be mine when you vote for me.

    Like

  30. 33
    John Paul Goddard says:

    Well I’ve heard of a wally with a brolly but here is a loser with a boozer!

    Like

  31. 34
    I Squiggle says:

    Oona: “Of course he’s not going to win, but after next week I can cash the cheque then get that job at the BBC..”

    Like

  32. 35
    One rule etc says:

    King “Hmm Thats not Liam Bryne…”

    Like

  33. 36
    Chakra Balti says:

    Oona Paloma Blanca
    Tax Dodging Ken Is So Sly,
    Oona Paloma Blanca
    He’s Missing The Trough & The Sty,
    And No One Can Take His Brass Neck Away.

    Like

  34. 37
    Oona, Liebore Politician says:

    Is it too late for me to do a reach around and get a job I wonder?

    Like

  35. 38
    Will says:

    Keep your friends close, but your Kenemies closer.

    Like

  36. 39
    Anon E Mouse says:

    Millipede owes me big time for this

    Like

  37. 40
    bring back Maggie says:

    The things you have to do, to get another safe seat

    Like

  38. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Ken can be king?
    Oona!

    Like

  39. 42
    Mr Curious says:

    Wasn’t today’s prize supposed to be a bottle of wine from Oddbins?

    Like

  40. 43
    Mr Curious says:

    Wasn’t today’s pr*ize supposed to be a bo*ttle of wi*ne from Oddbins?

    Like

  41. 44
    Jimmy says:

    Livingstone denies opponent is in fact practically perfect in every way.

    Like

  42. 45
    Steve Miliband says:

    Time has not been kind to Rihanna

    Like

  43. 46

    With age cometh wisdom.

    With Ken cometh kakistocracy.

    Like

  44. 48
    One rule etc says:

    Enlisting Mel B to support Ken didnt go well….

    Like

  45. 48
    Well it's a thought says:

    I’m singing in the rain , just singing in the rain, hoping nobody asks for my tax history again.

    Like

  46. 50
    Gonk says:

    Superkenisfragileandhistrainedpetisatrocious

    Like

  47. 51
    African Queen says:

    We were living as savages until Livingstone came along.

    Like

  48. 52
    Big Willy says:

    ‘They said “go out and support him!” They didn’t say I would just be supporting his umbrella. This sucks!’

    Like

  49. 53
    Steve Miliband says:

    “THE TRUTH ABOUT KEN – His Cronies, His Scandals and His Hypocrisy…”

    Must be a big tome – can you afford the postage?

    Like

  50. 54
    Zapppa says:

    What’s the problem, you’re 15% covered…….

    Like

  51. 55
    Not related to Edinburgh Socialist Dogshite On My Shoe. Get Real! says:

    Don’t tell me to reveal my taxes I simply won’t do it. I will be untrue and you’ll see right through it. Win with fake postal votes just might do it. Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my parade.

    Like

  52. 56
    EC1 PhD says:

    Hands up who thinks this shower would ever win an election

    Like

  53. 57
    Gonk says:

    ‘ Oona fills in for Jimmy while he has a piss ‘

    Like

  54. 60
    Anonymous says:

    Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
    And just like the guy whose hair is too blond for his head
    Nothin’ seems to fit
    Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

    So I just did me some talkin’ to the Sun
    And I said I didn’t like the way Brookes got things done
    fleecin’ tax on the job
    Those scandals are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

    Like

  55. 61
    Philip McArthur says:

    ” Quick, put up your brollies, Ken’s going to start to cry again !”

    Like

  56. 62
    Ah! Monika says:

    Never mind the comp.
    BREAKING NEWS
    Tom Watson has proposed to Margaret Moran.
    Tom says ” We could produce a fine litter “

    Like

  57. 63
    Enough already says:

    Kent

    Like

  58. 64
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Judging the umbrella competition Ken looked straight at the man holding the red umbrella and said

    “We have a winner”.

    Like

  59. 65
    Fish says:

    Oona: …and to think, they rejected me in favour of that c.unt.’

    Like

  60. 67
    Ah! Monika says:

    Oona put Ken in the shade.

    Like

  61. 68
    Peppers Ghost says:

    Hard to put into words but think…

    Big blue sky with a bird far in the distance

    Like

  62. 69
    Biff says:

    You can never find a KGB ricin-tipped umbrella, when you want one…

    Like

  63. 70

    Wait ’til he’s on fire before putting the umbrellas over him

    Like

  64. 71
    IR35 says:

    Red Ken launches his latest Umbrella company.

    Like

  65. 72
    AndrewMc says:

    “That cheque better not bounce”

    Like

  66. 73
    Peppers Ghost says:

    Would sooner be in a golden shower

    Like

  67. 74
    One rule etc says:

    “And if you tolorate this then your children will be next”

    Hat-tip Manic street preachers

    Like

  68. 75
    Ah! Monika says:

    Ken promises ” Rain every day ” if elected.

    Like

  69. 76

    If an umbrella could become a Bow…

    Like

  70. 77
    bellasbows says:

    It’s hard to hold your nose and umbrella at the same time.

    Like

  71. 78
    One rule etc says:

    Ken “Even God is crying while listening to me”

    Like

  72. 79
    Mustaffa Councilhouse says:

    “Why Mr Ken,you speak so fine,sure glad you know what’s best for us coloured folk”

    Like

  73. 80
    Ah! Monika says:

    ” AND WHO VOTED FOR ALAN SUGAR?”

    Like

  74. 81
    Ah! Monika says:

    Ken Sings
    Why Rain on my Parade

    Like

  75. 85
    One rule etc says:

    King “Kens Steve Mclaren impression is quite good really”

    Like

  76. 86
    Dick Tater, Tsar Izoanleefrenz says:

    I’d rather be in Venezuela.

    Like

  77. 88
    Selohesra says:

    Perhaps if I hold my nose …….. nope he still stinks

    Like

  78. 89
    Well it's a thought says:

    Ken acting as a negotiator at the new siege, the voters don’t want to vote for Ken.

    Like

  79. 90
    Gonk says:

    ‘Ken’s head dissolves in acid rain attack, Oona not fit for purpose’

    Like

  80. 91
    Ah! Monika says:

    Guido looks like Neo is celebrating.

    Part of London’s Tottenham Court Road has been cordoned off after a man started throwing objects from the fifth floor of an office building.

    Witnesses said the man was throwing computer equipment out of the building.

    Like

  81. 92
    Justice Stinks says:

    Chris Carter

    On Monday 16th January, 2012 the High Court of Justice in Northern Ireland certified that it was satisfied that there are no points of law of general importance involved in the decision given on 14th February, 2011 and refused leave for Mr. Carter to appeal to the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom.
    Mr. Carter was imprisoned in Magheraberry High Security prison on 29th January 2012. He had faced a 47 day jail term for non payment of fines and costs, although he was released after just three days when his fine was paid following an Internet campaign.
    It has been noted that the three Lord Justices who heard Mr. Carter’s appeal were all members of the Privy Council. Furthermore, the legislative Instrument which imposed the Smoke Free Restrictions in Northern Ireland is The Smoking (Northern Ireland) Order 2006 No. 2957 (N.I.20). This Order was approved by the Privy Council held by the Queen at Buckingham Palace on 14th November 2006. Counsellors present included The Lord President of the Council (Rt Hon Baroness Amos), Sir Brian Leveson (now Lord Leveson) and Elish Angiolini.
    In such circumstances a fair minded and informed member of the public would surely ask whether individuals who are members of a legislative body (Privy Council) should also be permitted to sit in judgement of transgressors of the legislation that body approves? For as Montesquieu pointed out:
    there is no liberty if the powers of judging is not separated from the legislative and executive.
    It should be noted that in July 2010, Secretary-General of the United Nations Ban Ki-moon announced Baroness Amos’ appointment to the role of Under-Secretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs and Emergency Relief Coordinator.
    Sir Brian Leveson now Chairs the Phone-hacking inquiry where he sits alongside Sir David Bell, former Trustee of Common Purpose. In 2002 David Bell was a Global Compact Advisory Council Member at the United Nations.

    http://www.ukcolumn.org/article/judge-jury-executioner

    http://www.ukcolumn.org/article/judge-jury-executioner

    Like

  82. 94
    tlillis4 says:

    “If I pull away the umbrella I wonder which one of us will melt first?”

    Like

  83. 95

    I never thought I’d get to use this gift from Gaddafi…

    Like

  84. 97
    Peter Grant says:

    Ken: “Err, my tax details got washed away in all this rain, honest!”

    Like

  85. 98
    Geoffrey Chaucer Excise man says:

    Ich bin ein umbrella

    Like

  86. 100
    Ah! Monika says:

    Oona left holding Ken’s umbrella after turning down £1000 for a night in the sack with a Tory MP.

    Like

  87. 103
    not a machine says:

    Rather than publish my tax arrangements in full I thought it better to give a visual representation of how it works , you see when its raining you have a cold financial wind you need somthing mysterious to avoid getting a tax soaking , an umbrella represents my company , offering a tax shelter , the haven holding it is just some window dressing ……….

    Like

  88. 105
    Ah! Monika says:

    ” Never mind Miliband’s, bananas will be this big under me “

    Like

  89. 106
    Gonk says:

    ‘Mmmmmm… that reminds me, I must remember the rat poison on
    the way home ‘

    Like

  90. 107
    Justice Stinks says:

    His crony McConnell should be called to account in the House of Lords

    http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Resource/Doc/216107/0057803.pdf

    Like

  91. 108
    Maximus says:

    Oona: “You over there from Channel 4 – no panning shots and get close-up on Ken – or I’ll have your balls on a plate if advertisers see the Head of Diversity holding a brolly just so some dead white male can talk out of his arse”.

    Like

  92. 110
    bergen says:

    To her disappointment , Ken had prudently already taken the antidote to the poison in her Bulgarian Secret Service umbrella.

    Like

  93. 111
    Legal Crook says:

    Ken on load hailer at full volume “He wants a signature, do not, repeat do not let my accountant through”

    Like

  94. 112
    Gonk says:

    ‘ Oona was not surprised by Ken’s refusal to release his tax details
    but she was surprised by his double incontinence ‘

    Like

  95. 113
    Funambulist says:

    Oona: One scratch on his bare bonce with this KGB umbrella and the polonium pellet will begin its deadly work…Hehehe!

    Like

  96. 114
    Tuscan Tony says:

    O/T but this just in:

    “there’s an armed siege/hostage situation in Capper Street off Tottenham Court Road just now. The building houses the Huffington Post and an HGV school. The police have sealed off the area.”

    Like

  97. 114
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSDevil: “Unbelievable – the windbag’s speech has gone on longer than the drought.”

    Like

  98. 117
    Ken Livingstone channeling his inner Neville Chamberlain says:

    “We have piece for our time.”

    Like

  99. 118
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSD: “I just hope he lives long enough to read my memoirs and see how I voted – first UKIP, second Boris!”

    Like

  100. 119
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    “Guess what the “Blairite she-devil” is thinking…”

    Come on Guido… this is Oona you’re talking about.
    An empty-headed lefty and fan of Blair.

    She’s incapable of thinking of anything.

    Like

  101. 121
    School for scoundrels says:

    King,’ I could have been a contender, I could have been somebody…’

    Like

  102. 122
    Technomist says:

    Dr Livingstone said King was suffering from a depressive illness and extreme anxiety and agitation, and the stress of the proceedings and allegations of she was facing made it impossible for her to make a statement other than the one prepared by his accountant, which he will be publishing in due course. He said she felt feelings of abandonment by the Labour party and shame that her career was over.

    Like

  103. 123

    As Ken reached the crescendo of his speech and he bellowed ‘I love London’ King knew it was time to deploy the brollys to shield the media from Ken’s spontaneous,unrehearsed floods of tears.

    Like

  104. 124
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Ken: ‘And as my old friend Jonathan King once wisely said “”Oona Paloma Blanca”.

    Like

  105. 125
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSDevil: “Oh dear God, he had curried cabbage for lunch!”

    Like

  106. 126

    What they’re all thinking.

    Press – he must think we’re right mugs
    Ken – these people are right mugs
    King – did I leave the iron on?

    Like

  107. 128
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    When they told me he talked out of his arse, I didn’t believe them. I do now!

    Like

  108. 129
    jgm2 says:

    O/T

    You just know who is going to be involved in this and what form it will take…

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-17867802

    Like

  109. 130
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSDevil: “I’m a woman of principle, no way am I getting my tits out in this weather.”

    Like

  110. 132
    Sniper says:

    When Ed said I would be parachuted in…

    Like

  111. 133
    Edinburgh Delusional Dogshite says:

    Ken can’t add up! Taxes still to be accounted for

    Like

  112. 134
    Michel Leboom says:

    This lighting ceremony for Ken’s Beacon of Islam is turning into a damp squib.

    Like

  113. 135
    HPDL says:

    Right. The Penguin said if I press this button, the umbrella will turn into a…

    Like

  114. 136

    Oona is thinking of that episode of the Simpsons with the “old man stink”

    Like

  115. 137
    FACT: says:

    If Farage or Grifffin don’t get in to Wesminister soon then expect more and more suicide bombers in London and up and down the country.

    Like

    • 146
      You know it's going to happen says:

      I rather suspect events at the London Olympics will boost Gr!ff!n’s chances of becoming an MP.

      Like

      • 153
        Verbatim says:

        Something tells me that the point spread in the basket ball will have minimal electoral impact. Is it Lord Coe’s choice of tie that concerns you?

        Like

  116. 138
    HPDL says:

    Doing her best Mary Poppins, Oona snaps her fingers and Ken’s tax details mysteriously disappear

    Like

  117. 139
    Edinburgh Delusional Dogshite says:

    Gawd Mayor of a shithole

    Like

  118. 140

    An just when Oona thought this day couldn’t get any worse, Lee Jasper suddenly called her a coconut.

    Like

  119. 141
    Polly Tuscanee says:

    I thought me and Dianne were really good on Question Time last night. It was just like the BBC said it would be – there would be rapturous applause every time we opened our mouths. The BBC said that because we’re not very clever, it would be best not to get involved in reasoned discussion but to stick to juvenile rhetoric because the audience would love it. The best part was the bit about the housing benefit cap and it gave me the chance to call it ethnic cleansing and to compare it to the holocaust. The audience absolutely loved it.

    Like

  120. 142
    blowingWhistles says:

    Oona King: Can’t imagine tony bl(hot)air doing this for a living …. and after all the lying the whole new labour project did for him – we’re reduced to living out his lies while he cashes in …. we’ve all been taken for a ride by Bliar.

    Like

    • 154
      Blair's Charitable Industries says:

      For £19million I will tell you about my new idea to get us out of this mess. Leave a cheque with my secretary

      Like

  121. 144
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSDevil: *sigh*
    “…things can only get better..”
    *sobs*

    Like

  122. 144
    jgm2 says:

    Chim chiminee, chim chiminee, chim chim cheree, when you support Labour, it’s shit companeee.

    Like

  123. 147
    lastofthesummervintage says:

    king quietly hums to herself “things can only get better,can only get better”

    Like

  124. 148

    As Ken looks round to see who’s been shouting “pay your taxes! Pay your taxes!”
    Oona thinks ” gosh..did I say that out loud?”

    Like

    • 233

      When you used the word kukaburra yesterday, I was taken back to my childhood and an incident where a friend had decided to name her dinghy after the bird. So she proudly went out and bought two as, two ks, two rs and two us. Completely forgot the b!

      Come to think of it, that is what I want to do when he loses.

      Like

  125. 149
    Vladikavkaz says:

    OK : “Mr Livingstone, there’s quite a crowd building up in Tottenham Court Road, perhaps you might like to try there next”

    Like

  126. 152
    Anonymous says:

    Oona : Psst! Psst! Ken! They are the phographers…I’m the only one who turned up to listen to you.

    Like

  127. 156
    jgm2 says:

    Stupid girl must be sadistic ken is just atrocious

    Like

    • 191
      Col Nut says:

      Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
      Even in the pouring rain he still sounds quite atrocious
      When stroking his pet newt at home he might be less ferocious
      But I’m not going to his flat.He’d think I was precocious.

      Like

      • 199
        jgm2 says:

        Stupid girl must be sadistic ken is just atrocious
        Just that whiny voice of his is making me quite nauseous
        If he doesn’t stop it soon I’ll hang him by his bollocks
        Stupid girl must be sadistic ken is just atrocious

        Like

  128. 157
    Col Nut says:

    I’m not dressing up as a newt for that devious bastard.

    Like

  129. 159
    Anonymous says:

    ‘Oona, get a bigger brolly, I can’t smoke this reefer in this sodding rain!!’

    Like

  130. 161
    MB says:

    Silveta’s new employee realises that her job doesn’t match the description she was given…

    Like

  131. 162
    Peter says:

    Oooh! I want to stick this right up his J……..

    Like

  132. 163
    Vince Cable says:

    Which one of you is Mary Poppins and why is it still raining?

    Like

  133. 164
    Justice Stinks says:

    Moderator:

    Is my comment made at 1.48pm too hot to handle, still awaiting moderation.

    Like

  134. 165
    AC1 says:

    Tat’s real name?

    Is it Michael Green?

    Like

  135. 167
    Dick Van Dyke says:

    Mary Poppins takes a break from helping Bert sweep the chimneys.

    Like

  136. 172
    A pragmatist says:

    Hurry up Ken the pasties are getting cold.

    Like

  137. 174
    Eye of Newt, Tongue of Toad Red Ken says:

    I’m a prize hypocrite on just about any subject you care to mention, just ask my umbrella wallah!

    Like

  138. 176
    Maverick Ways says:

    It’s raining, it’s pouring, and Ken is so f*cking boring.

    Like

  139. 177
    Justice Stinks says:

    Caption:

    ” That guy with the long pole has just nicked my wig”

    Like

  140. 179
    sweat in gordon's crack says:

    man those trousers are good, you cant see his tail…

    Like

  141. 180
    AC1 says:

    A spoonful of hypocrisy helps the taxes go down.

    Like

  142. 181
    Vazeline® - The Slipperiest Substance on the Planet says:

    Vaz in a wig will stoop to anything to get in the picture!

    Like

  143. 183
    Professor says:

    Let’s hope it conducts lightening.

    Like

  144. 184
    A Gusty April Day of Lies and More Lies says:

    Ken’s servant looks concerned as his Hammer & Sickle flag gets blown away!

    Like

  145. 185
    Brown's shitst@ins says:

    What a monger!

    Like

  146. 186

    Oona is thinking:

    Who is going to be unlucky enough to win a book about Ken Livingstone’s unlimited capacity for deceit?

    Like

  147. 187
    Diane Abbott says:

    Women of a certain colour will go to the wall…

    Like

    • 210
      Rainbow Nation says:

      You were shite on QT last night, not quite sure why you are continually invited, oh yes it’s the BBC!

      Although, you being a racist, even the BBC should over look you now and give a new face a chance!

      Like

  148. 188
    F**k Me says:

    F***k, forget the caption nonsense, I’ve just found out that the former “Diversity Officer” is now F*****g Baroness KIng of Bow how did that F*****g happen, she’s not even related to Martin Luther either!

    NuLiebor B******s

    Like

  149. 189
    stanlycam says:

    Comrades, I said poison a Banker not a Wanker.

    Like

  150. 190
    Fog on the Tyne says:

    ” London councils seek to move housing benefit claimants to Newcastle.”

    Fuck off. We’ve already got more than our fair share of useless parasitic scumbags.

    Like

  151. 192
    nellnewman says:

    ‘If he thinks I’m holding the umbrella over him whilst I’m getting wet he can think again!’

    Like

  152. 194
    Margaret Moran says:

    Hey MPs. Want to commit fraud and get away with it? Do what I did! Cry continuously and say your name is half past ten and you live in a cheesecake. Worked for me!

    Like

  153. 196
    Barry says:

    That’s most odd. I’m standing behind him yet I can see his face!

    Like

  154. 197
    Ernest Saunders says:

    Ditto!

    Like

  155. 198
    Bomb the Bass says:

    Police have arrested a man in Tottenham Court Road after he threatened to blow up an office.

    He’s expected to walk free after his solicitor said his client was too agitated and depressed to be charged and wouldn’t be fit to stand trial.

    Like

  156. 200
    ChaterMorleyDevine says:

    We hired the wrong solicitors!

    Like

  157. 202
    Oona King. says:

    Bugger! i was supposed to be welcoming Bin Ladens family to Britain, i bet that oily fucker Vazeline will get there first.

    Like

    • 232
      Vazeline® - The Slipperiest Substance on the Planet says:

      Oi, I’m a registered trade mark! Can you please ensure you put a little ® next to my name. The last thing I want to see is a dilution of my brand.

      An apology will suffice and ensure that the very expensive lawyers that I retain will not on this occasion be required.

      Like

  158. 203
    Ah! Monika says:

    A man who sold counterfeit medicines, including Viagra, has been told to hand over more than £14m by Southwark Crown Court.

    He kept customer’s details in a folder entitled the “Thick People File”.

    The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) said it was the largest confiscation order against a dealer in fake medicines.

    Like

  159. 204
    Ed Millipede Support Committee says:

    Gawd, no matter how many umbrellas he uses, he still gets covered in shit

    Like

  160. 206
    Loungelizard says:

    I want cash or ay least three bottles of a decent red for this gig. If the tight old bastard tries to fob me off with a poxy book about himself this brolly’s going to add to his congestion problem.

    Like

  161. 208
    ToonBob... says:

    “Yes Ken, some coonts are useful, but not you!”

    Like

  162. 209

    Whilst Ken is saying Tax avoiders are rich bastards who don’t get it, Oona is thinking You are a rich bastard who gets it all.

    Like

  163. 213
    One man two votes says:

    Like

  164. 214
    jgm2 says:

    Well, so far we’ve managed to keep him away from direct sunlight. I just hope nobody’s got a mirror.

    Like

  165. 217
    I love Friday says:

    Was I meant to be Fred or Ginger?

    Like

  166. 221
    molehumper says:

    Come on, who invited Hattersley?

    Like

  167. 223
    Sir William Waad says:

    “It should have been me!
    It should have been me!
    It should have been me!
    IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!!!”

    Like

  168. 224
    jgm2 says:

    He really is talking out of his arse.

    Like

  169. 225
    Here Comes Fatty With A Sack O'Shit says:

    “Thank goodness it isn’t Prescott I’m out campaigning with…we’d need a bloody beach umbrella, FFS!

    Like

  170. 227
    ToonBob... says:

    “Yes Ken, some co…..unts are useful, but not you!”

    Like

  171. 234
    molehumper says:

    What does the content of this subway sandwich have in common with the underground strikers demands?

    Like

  172. 236
    Boss Whitey says:

    Is I holdin’ dis umbrella to yo satisfaction massa?

    Like

  173. 237
    annette curton says:

    ♫ I’m singing in the rain! just singing in the rain!, what a glorious feeling I’m Ha-pee again! ♫.

    Like

  174. 239
    Brown's shitst@ins says:

    Mong!

    Like

  175. 242
    Prize Master says:

    A word of warning the book:

    “THE TRUTH ABOUT KEN – His Cronies, His Scandals and His Hypocrisy…”

    Is over 14.5 old english inches thick, it is not obvious from the one dimensional thumbnail picture.

    Like

  176. 243
    Party Time! says:

    Like

  177. 244
    Oona McPhee says:

    When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay.

    Like

  178. 250
    10:10 NAZI FILM says:

    10:10 WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH THEM

    http://www.thecommentator.com/article/1150/loony_left_what_happened_to_global_warming_

    Like

  179. 251
    Elgin Jon says:

    Right thats enough Anti Guido & Chicken umbrella’s up, now i can say what i like!

    Like

  180. 252
    Anna says:

    SuperKenifraudilisticTaxavoidanoxious

    Like

  181. 258
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    When they told me Ken needed help with his shelter arrangements I thought it was his tax shelter.

    Like

  182. 260
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Oona: “It’s a Bulgarian umbrella

    Like

  183. 264
    Ed Millipede Support Committee says:

    “At this stage as polling day approaches I would just like to congratulate Boris on his spectacular win. I will now retire to my tax shelter and sulk “

    Like

  184. 265
    Grrr says:

    I don’t need an umbrella, I need a paddle!

    Like

  185. 266
    Ed Millipede Support Committee says:

    Apprentice contestant fails again

    Like

  186. 269
    Displaced Brummie says:

    “Do you no Ken?” As the Scotsman said…

    Like

  187. 271
    peter_preston says:

    I don’t know what Ken said but he is right (until May 3rd)

    Like

  188. 272
    Everybody says:

    “The Labour Party is riddled with hypocrites.”

    Like

  189. 273
    Tesco shitty hand says:

    Ken is too big for his boots.

    Like

  190. 274
    Lady Bow and Scrape says:

    Thank you Galloway for beating me. Thank you Ken for beating me. I am your humble servant.

    Like

  191. 275
    Major Bonkers says:

    Ken’s policy for increasing employment opportunities for black Londoners.

    Like

  192. 276
    Lycan says:

    Aide seeks the shelter of an umbrella from the bile spewing from Ken

    Like

  193. 278
    Major Bonkers says:

    Bwana Livingstone takes up the white man’s burden, with his well-trained native bearer in attendance.

    Like

  194. 279
    Henry Morton Stanley says:

    Ken to bloke in the front row (his accountant): ‘Jasper dropped them off at your office.’

    Accountant: ‘Doctored, Livingstone, I presume?’

    Like

  195. 280
    Question Dimbullby (Actor) says:

    Oona: I wonder if the public have clocked the stooge audience placeman in QT last night who got his assertions on immigration all wrong – and will Dim Dumblebelly correct the error next time round?

    Like

    • 310
      Daggy Dave says:

      Yes.

      Not only was he a Labour stooge, but the BBC obviously made sure that they acquired someone who might appear to be an “expert” present, was pre-briefed with the questions and was situated in a prime position.

      May they get what they deserve.

      Like

  196. 281
    Margo from The Good Life says:

    Oona lately Lady Bow,
    Vengeful nigga, keeping close,
    Evil follows leaden show,
    Oona, mete the killer blow!

    Like

  197. 282
    Phil says:

    Oona: “this is the first time I’ve held an umbrella to protect a drip from getting wet”

    Like

  198. 283
    Major Bonkers says:

    “My opponent has been rightly castigated for referring to ‘picaninnies’ with ‘watermelon smiles’. I want to assure you that I will always treat our black citizens with the respect they deserve.’

    Like

  199. 284
    TGF UKIP says:

    Oona says, “But if it were urine hosing down, nothing would be folded more quickly than this umbrella”

    Like

  200. 285
    wight tory says:

    If he was any more wooden, I’d have to soak him with that job lot of dry-rot treatment that Margaret Moran has in Southampton.

    Like

  201. 286
    Danger Mouse says:

    Ken might be ignoring Boris’s doughnut, but Christ on a Bike I wish I didn’t have to look at Ken’s.

    Like

  202. 287
    ExCon says:

    “Servetta also pays Oona to hold my umbrella for me. I can’t possibly be racist as I employ one of them.”

    Like

  203. 288
    Anonymous says:

    This ex-Bulgarian Secret Service Umbrella was a bargain… I wonder what happens if I press this button…. oops

    Like

  204. 289
    Rh- says:

    muslim umbrellas … I will turn the city of london into a beacon of Islamic rain preventors … just vote for me …. please!

    Like

  205. 290
    Justice Stinks says:

    This is your ASH approved smoking shelter not an umbrella.

    Like

  206. 293
    richarevans1 says:

    Ken “And with this device in my hands they can actaully hear me where I do pay my fair share of tax”

    Like

  207. 294
    richarevans1 says:

    Ken: I believe I have the entire Asian community voting for me – teenagers, adults, the old and especially the dead

    Like

  208. 296
    robbie says:

    “practically perfect in every way”.

    Like

  209. 297
    richarevans1 says:

    King: I remember when I was a cabinet member, and now here I am carrying Ken’s booze for a living.

    Like

  210. 298
    fabians are Evil says:

    “When I said that I wanted to see the back of him………….

    Like

  211. 299
    MC Hammer says:

    Too legit to quit.

    Like

  212. 305
    Off the record thinking says:

    Oona – thinking: If only the public knew that Alex Salmond’s put up job with that Welsh MP Adam wotsisname to ‘impeach’ Blair some years ago was all in fact a put up job to protect Murdochs man at No 10 (Bliar) …. the peasents are still clueless dumbasses and the Senior Press Corps know it – ‘cos they’re part of … – I’ll get my knighthoody even if I have to support this kenscum. umm Scum – they do say it rises to the top!

    Like

  213. 306
    Splodge says:

    ‘Just like Mary fucking Poppins.’

    Like

  214. 307
    PC clitoris says:

    i said either a black brolly or a bitch with a brolly not both!!!

    Like

  215. 309
    Can you imagaine a Tory getting away with this? says:

    “Blimey, this equality business is harder than you’d think. How did I come to be here, standing a couple of paces behind the old white massa, sheltering him with my umbrella?”

    Like

  216. 313
    filipinomonkey says:

    I wonder how long it will be until he realises he’s talking into a hairdryer…

    Like

  217. 315
    David Smith says:

    “It’s only a shower – and what a shower he is!”

    Like

  218. 318
    Archie says:

    He’s not the Mayor. He’s a very naughty boy.

    Like

    • 320
      Expat Geordie says:

      I have an Obama tee-shirt like that, with the words “He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!”. I picked it up in Weymouth, a place not known for political correctness, although they did vote for a Labour MP once, silly sods. I also picked up a tee-shirt of Elvis, with the words “Burger King”.

      Like

  219. 321
    Judge nutmeg says:

    Don’t worry, it’s just a shower…

    Like

  220. 322
    fred block says:

    god i whish i was mary poppins , spit spot…..

    Like

  221. 323
    Schulz says:

    Brolly Holder says :

    I’m really Wendy Deng in disguise .

    So no custard pies or you know what;s comimg !!

    Like


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Labour MP Austin Mitchell discusses female MPs on Newsnight:

“Are they more leadable? I don’t know, I think they probably are.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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