April 27th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Umbrella Holder Edition)


  1. 1
    One rule etc says:

    “I am really 7 ft just like I promised to publish my earning”

    Happy Birthday Neo-Guido :)

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Wine would have been a better prize

  3. 3

    Even umbrellas can’t stop the rain on Livingstone’s parade

  4. 4
    I Squiggle says:

    Yer, and after the Election his speech on Jobless & Poverty will then be: Big Issuuuue, get yer Big Issuuuue..

  5. 5
    D L George says:

    Dr Livingstone went to Londonistan in the pouring rain,
    He stepped in a puddle…

  6. 6
    Rupert my Hero says:

    And I said to Gorgon

  7. 7
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    Holding his own bloody umbrella must be too taxing for him.

  8. 8
    spoonful of Sugar says:

    ‘Well, at least I got to be Mayory Poppins…?’

  9. 9
    IanVisits says:

    Ken denies using umbrella company to shield tax affairs

  10. 10
    One rule etc says:

    KIng ” I never thought i would support a Big Issue seller”

  11. 11
    I Squiggle says:

    Oona: “I hope that cheque really is in the post..”

  12. 12
    Anonymous says:

    Some day my plinth will come…

  13. 13
    Oona, looking like a Bl*ck Mary Poppins says:

    ‘A spoonful of Sugar helps the medicine go down…’

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    What would they say if I gave this a shake, right… now?

  15. 15
    One rule etc says:

    King “Well thats my career washed down the plug hole”

  16. 16

    Christ, I hope my picture isn’t going to end up as a Guido Fawkes caption competition.

  17. 17
    I Squiggle says:

    I’ve lied, I’ve humiliated myself, and I can re-write history as quickly as the next booted out politician, thought Oona King..

  18. 18
    One rule etc says:

    King “God i need a drink”

  19. 19
    Anonymous says:

    “At last I have reached the summit of equality I have always dreamt of by performing the essential task of holding an umbrella over my master whilst being three paces behind him.”

  20. 20
    Ken'ell says:

    Βillу, this isn’t a gay dating site ffs. Or maybe it is.

  21. 21
    One rule etc says:

    King “Well, i can always get a job as a Guy News Intern”

  22. 22
    Jokester says:


    Ooh, na

  23. 23
    John Paul Goddard says:

    Well I’ve heard of a wally with a brolly but here’s a loser with a boozer!

  24. 24
    Steve Miliband says:

    Attack of low flying squirells quelled

  25. 25
    Well it's a thought says:

    Ken and truth, error, error, does not compute, please close all applications and reboot .

  26. 26
    A pragmatist says:

  27. 27
    One rule etc says:

    King “It should have been me on the box…”

  28. 28
    stavros says:

    And then a kebab no doubt.

  29. 29
    I Squiggle says:

    Oona: “Hang on, that’s not George Galloway!!”

  30. 30
    The Old Todger says:

    What on earth am I standing here in the pouring rain for listening to KenBoy rabbiting on and on?

  31. 31
    Koinkidink says:

    I’m not sure this is what they had in mind when they asked me to cover your back.

  32. 32
    Well it's a thought says:

    Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to remind you, your money will be mine when you vote for me.

  33. 33
    John Paul Goddard says:

    Well I’ve heard of a wally with a brolly but here is a loser with a boozer!

  34. 34
    I Squiggle says:

    Oona: “Of course he’s not going to win, but after next week I can cash the cheque then get that job at the BBC..”

  35. 35
    One rule etc says:

    King “Hmm Thats not Liam Bryne…”

  36. 36
    Chakra Balti says:

    Oona Paloma Blanca
    Tax Dodging Ken Is So Sly,
    Oona Paloma Blanca
    He’s Missing The Trough & The Sty,
    And No One Can Take His Brass Neck Away.

  37. 37
    Oona, Liebore Politician says:

    Is it too late for me to do a reach around and get a job I wonder?

  38. 38
    Will says:

    Keep your friends close, but your Kenemies closer.

  39. 39
    Anon E Mouse says:

    Millipede owes me big time for this

  40. 40
    bring back Maggie says:

    The things you have to do, to get another safe seat

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Ken can be king?

  42. 42
    Mr Curious says:

    Wasn’t today’s prize supposed to be a bottle of wine from Oddbins?

  43. 43
    Mr Curious says:

    Wasn’t today’s pr*ize supposed to be a bo*ttle of wi*ne from Oddbins?

  44. 44
    Jimmy says:

    Livingstone denies opponent is in fact practically perfect in every way.

  45. 45
    Steve Miliband says:

    Time has not been kind to Rihanna

  46. 46

    With age cometh wisdom.

    With Ken cometh kakistocracy.

  47. 47
    Steve Miliband says:

    Ken drank them all

  48. 48
    One rule etc says:

    Enlisting Mel B to support Ken didnt go well….

  49. 49
    Well it's a thought says:

    I’m singing in the rain , just singing in the rain, hoping nobody asks for my tax history again.

  50. 50
    Gonk says:


  51. 51
    African Queen says:

    We were living as savages until Livingstone came along.

  52. 52
    Big Willy says:

    ‘They said “go out and support him!” They didn’t say I would just be supporting his umbrella. This sucks!’

  53. 53
    Steve Miliband says:

    “THE TRUTH ABOUT KEN – His Cronies, His Scandals and His Hypocrisy…”

    Must be a big tome – can you afford the postage?

  54. 54
    Zapppa says:

    What’s the problem, you’re 15% covered…….

  55. 55
    Not related to Edinburgh Socialist Dogshite On My Shoe. Get Real! says:

    Don’t tell me to reveal my taxes I simply won’t do it. I will be untrue and you’ll see right through it. Win with fake postal votes just might do it. Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my parade.

  56. 56
    EC1 PhD says:

    Hands up who thinks this shower would ever win an election

  57. 57
    Gonk says:

    ‘ Oona fills in for Jimmy while he has a piss ‘

  58. 58
  59. 59
    Some Geezer wot thinks the Guidos had some wine for their stomachs' sake says:

    “If that boom mic hits him, what am I supposed to do again– attack the sound man, or attend to Ken as I call for an ambulance? Decisions, decisions!”

  60. 60
    Anonymous says:

    Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
    And just like the guy whose hair is too blond for his head
    Nothin’ seems to fit
    Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

    So I just did me some talkin’ to the Sun
    And I said I didn’t like the way Brookes got things done
    fleecin’ tax on the job
    Those scandals are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

  61. 61
    Philip McArthur says:

    ” Quick, put up your brollies, Ken’s going to start to cry again !”

  62. 62
    Ah! Monika says:

    Never mind the comp.
    Tom Watson has proposed to Margaret Moran.
    Tom says ” We could produce a fine litter “

  63. 63
    Enough already says:


  64. 64
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Judging the umbrella competition Ken looked straight at the man holding the red umbrella and said

    “We have a winner”.

  65. 65
    Fish says:

    Oona: …and to think, they rejected me in favour of that c.unt.’

  66. 66
    Ken & Barbie says:

    Ken to pink umbrella:

    “Apart from the black umbrella vote, I am sure the gay community of pink umbrellas will vote for me too, come rain or shine….”

  67. 67
    Ah! Monika says:

    Oona put Ken in the shade.

  68. 68
    Peppers Ghost says:

    Hard to put into words but think…

    Big blue sky with a bird far in the distance

  69. 69
    Biff says:

    You can never find a KGB ricin-tipped umbrella, when you want one…

  70. 70

    Wait ’til he’s on fire before putting the umbrellas over him

  71. 71
    IR35 says:

    Red Ken launches his latest Umbrella company.

  72. 72
    AndrewMc says:

    “That cheque better not bounce”

  73. 73
    Peppers Ghost says:

    Would sooner be in a golden shower

  74. 74
    One rule etc says:

    “And if you tolorate this then your children will be next”

    Hat-tip Manic street preachers

  75. 75
    Ah! Monika says:

    Ken promises ” Rain every day ” if elected.

  76. 76

    If an umbrella could become a Bow…

  77. 77
    bellasbows says:

    It’s hard to hold your nose and umbrella at the same time.

  78. 78
    One rule etc says:

    Ken “Even God is crying while listening to me”

  79. 79
    Mustaffa Councilhouse says:

    “Why Mr Ken,you speak so fine,sure glad you know what’s best for us coloured folk”

  80. 80
    Ah! Monika says:


  81. 81
    Ah! Monika says:

    Ken Sings
    Why Rain on my Parade

  82. 82
    Sack Cameron - Elect A Tory says:

    The wally and the brolly

  83. 83

    The consummation would break the strongest bed.

  84. 84
    Ah! Monika says:

    Dumdiddledumdiddledumdiddle eye

  85. 85
    One rule etc says:

    King “Kens Steve Mclaren impression is quite good really”

  86. 86
    Dick Tater, Tsar Izoanleefrenz says:

    I’d rather be in Venezuela.

  87. 87
    One rule etc says:

    “New England manager unvieled”

  88. 88
    Selohesra says:

    Perhaps if I hold my nose …….. nope he still stinks

  89. 89
    Well it's a thought says:

    Ken acting as a negotiator at the new siege, the voters don’t want to vote for Ken.

  90. 90
    Gonk says:

    ‘Ken’s head dissolves in acid rain attack, Oona not fit for purpose’

  91. 91
    Ah! Monika says:

    Guido looks like Neo is celebrating.

    Part of London’s Tottenham Court Road has been cordoned off after a man started throwing objects from the fifth floor of an office building.

    Witnesses said the man was throwing computer equipment out of the building.

  92. 92
    Justice Stinks says:

    Chris Carter

    On Monday 16th January, 2012 the High Court of Justice in Northern Ireland certified that it was satisfied that there are no points of law of general importance involved in the decision given on 14th February, 2011 and refused leave for Mr. Carter to appeal to the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom.
    Mr. Carter was imprisoned in Magheraberry High Security prison on 29th January 2012. He had faced a 47 day jail term for non payment of fines and costs, although he was released after just three days when his fine was paid following an Internet campaign.
    It has been noted that the three Lord Justices who heard Mr. Carter’s appeal were all members of the Privy Council. Furthermore, the legislative Instrument which imposed the Smoke Free Restrictions in Northern Ireland is The Smoking (Northern Ireland) Order 2006 No. 2957 (N.I.20). This Order was approved by the Privy Council held by the Queen at Buckingham Palace on 14th November 2006. Counsellors present included The Lord President of the Council (Rt Hon Baroness Amos), Sir Brian Leveson (now Lord Leveson) and Elish Angiolini.
    In such circumstances a fair minded and informed member of the public would surely ask whether individuals who are members of a legislative body (Privy Council) should also be permitted to sit in judgement of transgressors of the legislation that body approves? For as Montesquieu pointed out:
    there is no liberty if the powers of judging is not separated from the legislative and executive.
    It should be noted that in July 2010, Secretary-General of the United Nations Ban Ki-moon announced Baroness Amos’ appointment to the role of Under-Secretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs and Emergency Relief Coordinator.
    Sir Brian Leveson now Chairs the Phone-hacking inquiry where he sits alongside Sir David Bell, former Trustee of Common Purpose. In 2002 David Bell was a Global Compact Advisory Council Member at the United Nations.



  93. 93
    Ah! Monika says:

    Back O/T

    Oona hold umbrella over Ken knowing it wont save him.

  94. 94
    tlillis4 says:

    “If I pull away the umbrella I wonder which one of us will melt first?”

  95. 95

    I never thought I’d get to use this gift from Gaddafi…

  96. 96
    Ah! Monika says:

    It’ll be on Straw (sic ) in a sty.

  97. 97
    Peter Grant says:

    Ken: “Err, my tax details got washed away in all this rain, honest!”

  98. 98
    Geoffrey Chaucer Excise man says:

    Ich bin ein umbrella

  99. 99
    Maximus says:

    Oona supports every Big Issue seller regardless of origin.

  100. 100
    Ah! Monika says:

    Oona left holding Ken’s umbrella after turning down £1000 for a night in the sack with a Tory MP.

  101. 101
    Maximus says:

    Yeah, you can cut and paste that one every Friday here.

  102. 102
    One rule etc says:

    KIng ” at least Boris is good in bed”

  103. 103
    not a machine says:

    Rather than publish my tax arrangements in full I thought it better to give a visual representation of how it works , you see when its raining you have a cold financial wind you need somthing mysterious to avoid getting a tax soaking , an umbrella represents my company , offering a tax shelter , the haven holding it is just some window dressing ……….

  104. 104
    Tom Tomos says:

    Applause – even the accent!

  105. 105
    Ah! Monika says:

    ” Never mind Miliband’s, bananas will be this big under me “

  106. 106
    Gonk says:

    ‘Mmmmmm… that reminds me, I must remember the rat poison on
    the way home ‘

  107. 107
    Justice Stinks says:

    His crony McConnell should be called to account in the House of Lords


  108. 108
    Maximus says:

    Oona: “You over there from Channel 4 – no panning shots and get close-up on Ken – or I’ll have your balls on a plate if advertisers see the Head of Diversity holding a brolly just so some dead white male can talk out of his arse”.

  109. 109
    Fish says:


  110. 110
    bergen says:

    To her disappointment , Ken had prudently already taken the antidote to the poison in her Bulgarian Secret Service umbrella.

  111. 111
    Legal Crook says:

    Ken on load hailer at full volume “He wants a signature, do not, repeat do not let my accountant through”

  112. 112
    Gonk says:

    ‘ Oona was not surprised by Ken’s refusal to release his tax details
    but she was surprised by his double incontinence ‘

  113. 113
    Funambulist says:

    Oona: One scratch on his bare bonce with this KGB umbrella and the polonium pellet will begin its deadly work…Hehehe!

  114. 114
    Tuscan Tony says:

    O/T but this just in:

    “there’s an armed siege/hostage situation in Capper Street off Tottenham Court Road just now. The building houses the Huffington Post and an HGV school. The police have sealed off the area.”

  115. 115
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSDevil: “Unbelievable – the windbag’s speech has gone on longer than the drought.”

  116. 116
  117. 117
    Ken Livingstone channeling his inner Neville Chamberlain says:

    “We have piece for our time.”

  118. 118
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSD: “I just hope he lives long enough to read my memoirs and see how I voted – first UKIP, second Boris!”

  119. 119
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    “Guess what the “Blairite she-devil” is thinking…”

    Come on Guido… this is Oona you’re talking about.
    An empty-headed lefty and fan of Blair.

    She’s incapable of thinking of anything.

  120. 120
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    Neither. Congratulate the boom operator!

  121. 121
    School for scoundrels says:

    King,’ I could have been a contender, I could have been somebody…’

  122. 122
    Technomist says:

    Dr Livingstone said King was suffering from a depressive illness and extreme anxiety and agitation, and the stress of the proceedings and allegations of she was facing made it impossible for her to make a statement other than the one prepared by his accountant, which he will be publishing in due course. He said she felt feelings of abandonment by the Labour party and shame that her career was over.

  123. 123

    As Ken reached the crescendo of his speech and he bellowed ‘I love London’ King knew it was time to deploy the brollys to shield the media from Ken’s spontaneous,unrehearsed floods of tears.

  124. 124
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Ken: ‘And as my old friend Jonathan King once wisely said “”Oona Paloma Blanca”.

  125. 125
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSDevil: “Oh dear God, he had curried cabbage for lunch!”

  126. 126

    What they’re all thinking.

    Press – he must think we’re right mugs
    Ken – these people are right mugs
    King – did I leave the iron on?

  127. 127
    Sniper says:

    Tick VG

  128. 128
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    When they told me he talked out of his arse, I didn’t believe them. I do now!

  129. 129
    jgm2 says:


    You just know who is going to be involved in this and what form it will take…


  130. 130
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSDevil: “I’m a woman of principle, no way am I getting my tits out in this weather.”

  131. 131
    jgm2 says:

    Shouldn’t have installed Windows Vista on the fucking thing.

  132. 132
    Sniper says:

    When Ed said I would be parachuted in…

  133. 133
    Edinburgh Delusional Dogshite says:

    Ken can’t add up! Taxes still to be accounted for

  134. 134
    Michel Leboom says:

    This lighting ceremony for Ken’s Beacon of Islam is turning into a damp squib.

  135. 135
    HPDL says:

    Right. The Penguin said if I press this button, the umbrella will turn into a…

  136. 136

    Oona is thinking of that episode of the Simpsons with the “old man stink”

  137. 137
    FACT: says:

    If Farage or Grifffin don’t get in to Wesminister soon then expect more and more suicide bombers in London and up and down the country.

  138. 138
    HPDL says:

    Doing her best Mary Poppins, Oona snaps her fingers and Ken’s tax details mysteriously disappear

  139. 139
    Edinburgh Delusional Dogshite says:

    Gawd Mayor of a shithole

  140. 140

    An just when Oona thought this day couldn’t get any worse, Lee Jasper suddenly called her a coconut.

  141. 141
    Polly Tuscanee says:

    I thought me and Dianne were really good on Question Time last night. It was just like the BBC said it would be – there would be rapturous applause every time we opened our mouths. The BBC said that because we’re not very clever, it would be best not to get involved in reasoned discussion but to stick to juvenile rhetoric because the audience would love it. The best part was the bit about the housing benefit cap and it gave me the chance to call it ethnic cleansing and to compare it to the holocaust. The audience absolutely loved it.

  142. 142
    blowingWhistles says:

    Oona King: Can’t imagine tony bl(hot)air doing this for a living …. and after all the lying the whole new labour project did for him – we’re reduced to living out his lies while he cashes in …. we’ve all been taken for a ride by Bliar.

  143. 143
    John Paul Goddard says:

    But not Lord Sugar obvs!

  144. 144
    Polly Seewonk says:

    BSDevil: *sigh*
    “…things can only get better..”

  145. 145
    jgm2 says:

    Chim chiminee, chim chiminee, chim chim cheree, when you support Labour, it’s shit companeee.

  146. 146
    You know it's going to happen says:

    I rather suspect events at the London Olympics will boost Gr!ff!n’s chances of becoming an MP.

  147. 147
    lastofthesummervintage says:

    king quietly hums to herself “things can only get better,can only get better”

  148. 148

    As Ken looks round to see who’s been shouting “pay your taxes! Pay your taxes!”
    Oona thinks ” gosh..did I say that out loud?”

  149. 149
    Vladikavkaz says:

    OK : “Mr Livingstone, there’s quite a crowd building up in Tottenham Court Road, perhaps you might like to try there next”

  150. 150

    Boris Johnson has done more damage to London the Luftwaffe,

    It’ll be in tomorrows guardian

  151. 151
    Very thick says:

    Test centre staff? Driving instructors? Go on, give me a clue.

  152. 152
    Anonymous says:

    Oona : Psst! Psst! Ken! They are the phographers…I’m the only one who turned up to listen to you.

  153. 153
    Verbatim says:

    Something tells me that the point spread in the basket ball will have minimal electoral impact. Is it Lord Coe’s choice of tie that concerns you?

  154. 154
    Blair's Charitable Industries says:

    For £19million I will tell you about my new idea to get us out of this mess. Leave a cheque with my secretary

  155. 155
    The Labour Parteh says:

    It’s in their culture to behave this way. Stop imposing your inferior Western Imperialist cultural values on other diverse communities.

    If that’s what this is about.

  156. 156
    jgm2 says:

    Stupid girl must be sadistic ken is just atrocious

  157. 157
    Col Nut says:

    I’m not dressing up as a newt for that devious bastard.

  158. 158
    Ay sea Anne's says:

    What group of people have a reputation (world-wide, it’s been the stuff of American comedy for quite some time) – for being hopeless at driving cars.

    And would therefore need a little ‘help’ getting a driving licence.

    Clue: it’s also a group of people who are infamously corrupt when it comes to helping each other out. And there are quite a lot of them in the cities that were mentioned in the article.

  159. 159
    Anonymous says:

    ‘Oona, get a bigger brolly, I can’t smoke this reefer in this sodding rain!!’

  160. 160
    W.W. says:

    Actually if you look, she is not even holding th umbrella over his head.

    She doesn’t even have the ability to hold an umbrella for someone, and she wanted to be mayor of London?


  161. 161
    MB says:

    Silveta’s new employee realises that her job doesn’t match the description she was given…

  162. 162
    Peter says:

    Oooh! I want to stick this right up his J……..

  163. 163
    Vince Cable says:

    Which one of you is Mary Poppins and why is it still raining?

  164. 164
    Justice Stinks says:


    Is my comment made at 1.48pm too hot to handle, still awaiting moderation.

  165. 165
    AC1 says:

    Tat’s real name?

    Is it Michael Green?

  166. 166

    Change of plan. We’re drinking that prize having read the book.

  167. 167
    Dick Van Dyke says:

    Mary Poppins takes a break from helping Bert sweep the chimneys.

  168. 168
    Glyn H says:

    Oh, please let it be true!
    They so deserve each other!!

  169. 169
    Simon says:

    “The one that should have one – is behind you”

  170. 170
    Polly Seewonk says:


    BSDevil: “I really, really wish Ken had let me wear the burka.”

  171. 171
    jgm2 says:

    Nuneaton? Leicester? Yorkshire?

    Can you see what it is yet?

    My brother went to Handsworth Grammar School thirty plus years ago. They were pulling the same stunt at the entrance tests back then too.

    Thick c*unts, who had supposedly passed a competitive Verbal Reasoning exam, who could hardly hold a pen when they showed up for the first day and went on to record the dizzying academic total of fuck all ‘O’ Levels after five years of grammar school.

  172. 172
    A pragmatist says:

    Hurry up Ken the pasties are getting cold.

  173. 173
  174. 174
    Eye of Newt, Tongue of Toad Red Ken says:

    I’m a prize hypocrite on just about any subject you care to mention, just ask my umbrella wallah!

  175. 175
    Martin says:

    Cor blimey mate! that has to be the winner

  176. 176
    Maverick Ways says:

    It’s raining, it’s pouring, and Ken is so f*cking boring.

  177. 177
    Justice Stinks says:


    ” That guy with the long pole has just nicked my wig”

  178. 178
    AC1 says:

    Probably Tat.

  179. 179
    sweat in gordon's crack says:

    man those trousers are good, you cant see his tail…

  180. 180
    AC1 says:

    A spoonful of hypocrisy helps the taxes go down.

  181. 181
    Vazeline® - The Slipperiest Substance on the Planet says:

    Vaz in a wig will stoop to anything to get in the picture!

  182. 182
    AC1 says:

    Waterproof Burka’s what you need to cope with this “drought”.

  183. 183
    Professor says:

    Let’s hope it conducts lightening.

  184. 184
    A Gusty April Day of Lies and More Lies says:

    Ken’s servant looks concerned as his Hammer & Sickle flag gets blown away!

  185. 185
    Brown's shitst@ins says:

    What a monger!

  186. 186

    Oona is thinking:

    Who is going to be unlucky enough to win a book about Ken Livingstone’s unlimited capacity for deceit?

  187. 187
    Diane Abbott says:

    Women of a certain colour will go to the wall…

  188. 188
    F**k Me says:

    F***k, forget the caption nonsense, I’ve just found out that the former “Diversity Officer” is now F*****g Baroness KIng of Bow how did that F*****g happen, she’s not even related to Martin Luther either!

    NuLiebor B******s

  189. 189
    stanlycam says:

    Comrades, I said poison a Banker not a Wanker.

  190. 190
    Fog on the Tyne says:

    ” London councils seek to move housing benefit claimants to Newcastle.”

    Fuck off. We’ve already got more than our fair share of useless parasitic scumbags.

  191. 191
    Col Nut says:

    Even in the pouring rain he still sounds quite atrocious
    When stroking his pet newt at home he might be less ferocious
    But I’m not going to his flat.He’d think I was precocious.

  192. 192
    nellnewman says:

    ‘If he thinks I’m holding the umbrella over him whilst I’m getting wet he can think again!’

  193. 193
    Ken Dull Mint Cake says:


  194. 194
    Margaret Moran says:

    Hey MPs. Want to commit fraud and get away with it? Do what I did! Cry continuously and say your name is half past ten and you live in a cheesecake. Worked for me!

  195. 195

    Hence comment-1277055 @ 1:36 pm

  196. 196
    Barry says:

    That’s most odd. I’m standing behind him yet I can see his face!

  197. 197
    Ernest Saunders says:


  198. 198
    Bomb the Bass says:

    Police have arrested a man in Tottenham Court Road after he threatened to blow up an office.

    He’s expected to walk free after his solicitor said his client was too agitated and depressed to be charged and wouldn’t be fit to stand trial.

  199. 199
    jgm2 says:

    Stupid girl must be sadistic ken is just atrocious
    Just that whiny voice of his is making me quite nauseous
    If he doesn’t stop it soon I’ll hang him by his bollocks
    Stupid girl must be sadistic ken is just atrocious

  200. 200
    ChaterMorleyDevine says:

    We hired the wrong solicitors!

  201. 201
    Sandalista says:

    She’s not even angled it so that the drips go down the back of Ken’s neck.

  202. 202
    Oona King. says:

    Bugger! i was supposed to be welcoming Bin Ladens family to Britain, i bet that oily fucker Vazeline will get there first.

  203. 203
    Ah! Monika says:

    A man who sold counterfeit medicines, including Viagra, has been told to hand over more than £14m by Southwark Crown Court.

    He kept customer’s details in a folder entitled the “Thick People File”.

    The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) said it was the largest confiscation order against a dealer in fake medicines.

  204. 204
    Ed Millipede Support Committee says:

    Gawd, no matter how many umbrellas he uses, he still gets covered in shit

  205. 205
    Sandalista says:

    I’m enjoying a torrential drought at the moment.

  206. 206
    Loungelizard says:

    I want cash or ay least three bottles of a decent red for this gig. If the tight old bastard tries to fob me off with a poxy book about himself this brolly’s going to add to his congestion problem.

  207. 207
    Oona King. says:

    We cant help it, deceit, graft, corruption lies and thieving is in our DNA, those Indian and Pakistani chappies are the same.

  208. 208
    ToonBob... says:

    “Yes Ken, some coonts are useful, but not you!”

  209. 209

    Whilst Ken is saying Tax avoiders are rich bastards who don’t get it, Oona is thinking You are a rich bastard who gets it all.

  210. 210
    Rainbow Nation says:

    You were shite on QT last night, not quite sure why you are continually invited, oh yes it’s the BBC!

    Although, you being a racist, even the BBC should over look you now and give a new face a chance!

  211. 211
    Sir William Waad says:

    Hat-tip the Spanish Republicans, actually.

  212. 212
    Andrew Efiong says:

    There’s never a Bulgarian with an umbrella when you need one.

  213. 213
    One man two votes says:

  214. 214
    jgm2 says:

    Well, so far we’ve managed to keep him away from direct sunlight. I just hope nobody’s got a mirror.

  215. 215
    jgm2 says:

    Or a silver bullet.

  216. 216
  217. 217
    I love Friday says:

    Was I meant to be Fred or Ginger?

  218. 218
    Sir William Waad says:

    A liberal is somebody who did all their thinking before the age of 21.

  219. 219
    F**k Me says:

    Got it, although didn’t get it when you posted as I was in blissful ingnorance of her well deserved elevation to the criminally inclined red benches! at that point.

  220. 220
    jgm2 says:

    One man – two votes just doesn’t cut it in Tower Hamlets.

  221. 221
    molehumper says:

    Come on, who invited Hattersley?

  222. 222

    Is the second prize 2 copies of “The Truth about Ken”

  223. 223
    Sir William Waad says:

    “It should have been me!
    It should have been me!
    It should have been me!

  224. 224
    jgm2 says:

    He really is talking out of his arse.

  225. 225
    Here Comes Fatty With A Sack O'Shit says:

    “Thank goodness it isn’t Prescott I’m out campaigning with…we’d need a bloody beach umbrella, FFS!

  226. 226

    …and got in a muddle
    his accounts were never the same.

  227. 227
    ToonBob... says:

    “Yes Ken, some co…..unts are useful, but not you!”

  228. 228
    Mad as a box of frogs says:

  229. 229
    Brenda Slag says:

    Your friends tell me I’d be good for you.

  230. 230
    The Channel Tunnel says:

    You’d have a better time with me!

  231. 231
    Selohesra says:

    I’ve heard Mrs Sugar wont swallow even a spoonfull of Alan’s mess

  232. 232
    Vazeline® - The Slipperiest Substance on the Planet says:

    Oi, I’m a registered trade mark! Can you please ensure you put a little ® next to my name. The last thing I want to see is a dilution of my brand.

    An apology will suffice and ensure that the very expensive lawyers that I retain will not on this occasion be required.

  233. 233

    When you used the word kukaburra yesterday, I was taken back to my childhood and an incident where a friend had decided to name her dinghy after the bird. So she proudly went out and bought two as, two ks, two rs and two us. Completely forgot the b!

    Come to think of it, that is what I want to do when he loses.

  234. 234
    molehumper says:

    What does the content of this subway sandwich have in common with the underground strikers demands?

  235. 235
    Roscoe Arbuckle says:

    Sexual intercourse with a man of that size is an iffy proposition at best. Trust me– I know all too well. Champagne, anyone?

  236. 236
    Boss Whitey says:

    Is I holdin’ dis umbrella to yo satisfaction massa?

  237. 237
    annette curton says:

    ♫ I’m singing in the rain! just singing in the rain!, what a glorious feeling I’m Ha-pee again! ♫.

  238. 238
    Autoeroticism says:

    Great init!

  239. 239
    Brown's shitst@ins says:


  240. 240
    EC1 PhD says:

    Billy, your spelling gives you away

  241. 241
    Marmite says:

    Like it!

  242. 242
    Prize Master says:

    A word of warning the book:

    “THE TRUTH ABOUT KEN – His Cronies, His Scandals and His Hypocrisy…”

    Is over 14.5 old english inches thick, it is not obvious from the one dimensional thumbnail picture.

  243. 243
    Party Time! says:

  244. 244
    Oona McPhee says:

    When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay.

  245. 245
    Marmite says:

    Yep, another good one

  246. 246
    Some Geezer wot knows a million corny jokes but this is a new one on me says:

    Erm–“Get Stuffed?”

  247. 247
    P W Botha (ghost of) says:

    ….Careful, you’ll have Vain chasing your ass for comments like that!

  248. 248
    annette curton says:

    Kens head is 14 and a half inches thick.

  249. 249

    It’s that wafer thin line between subtlety and no one understanding a bleeding thing you are talking about! ;-)

  250. 250
    10:10 NAZI FILM says:



  251. 251
    Elgin Jon says:

    Right thats enough Anti Guido & Chicken umbrella’s up, now i can say what i like!

  252. 252
    Anna says:


  253. 253
    Jeffrey Bernard says:

    Ken suddenly lost his appetite as he saw the size of the sausage he was supposed to swallow.

  254. 254
    Jeffrey Bernard says:

    Ken gasped with amazement as he admired Ed Miliband’s new prosthetic nose.

  255. 255
    And Βillу came too says:

    It’s where they end up when they can no longer progress in the real world. There, or Croatia.

  256. 256

    You appеar to be under the misimpression that I have friends.

  257. 257
    Anonymous says:


  258. 258
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    When they told me Ken needed help with his shelter arrangements I thought it was his tax shelter.

  259. 259

    Close. Currently in Austria actually.

  260. 260
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Oona: “It’s a Bulgarian umbrella

  261. 261
    Brenda Slag says:

    Well, they said they were your friends.

  262. 262
    Now that you have your own blo, why are you still posting on here says:

    81lly – remember that it is quality not quantity that matters. You admitted it in this post when Guido told you off for the crap quality of your posts. Just because you are banned from using your preferred moniker does not mean that you should again be posting lots of crap.


  263. 263

    … and you spеak without thinking too.

  264. 264
    Ed Millipede Support Committee says:

    “At this stage as polling day approaches I would just like to congratulate Boris on his spectacular win. I will now retire to my tax shelter and sulk “

  265. 265
    Grrr says:

    I don’t need an umbrella, I need a paddle!

  266. 266
    Ed Millipede Support Committee says:

    Apprentice contestant fails again

  267. 267
    Ed Milliband says:

    Thtop it you beast

  268. 268
    Brenda Slag says:

    Ooh you nasty little man, little wonder you’ve got no friends.

  269. 269
    Displaced Brummie says:

    “Do you no Ken?” As the Scotsman said…

  270. 270

    Yes but I don’t pretend so as to make people like me.

  271. 271
    peter_preston says:

    I don’t know what Ken said but he is right (until May 3rd)

  272. 272
    Everybody says:

    “The Labour Party is riddled with hypocrites.”

  273. 273
    Tesco shitty hand says:

    Ken is too big for his boots.

  274. 274
    Lady Bow and Scrape says:

    Thank you Galloway for beating me. Thank you Ken for beating me. I am your humble servant.

  275. 275
    Major Bonkers says:

    Ken’s policy for increasing employment opportunities for black Londoners.

  276. 276
    Lycan says:

    Aide seeks the shelter of an umbrella from the bile spewing from Ken

  277. 277
    Carls a bad bad boy says:

    ‘Allegedly’ Carl Gardner may have dreamed up that ruse for the Moron. He caaant even spell redact properly!

  278. 278
    Major Bonkers says:

    Bwana Livingstone takes up the white man’s burden, with his well-trained native bearer in attendance.

  279. 279
    Henry Morton Stanley says:

    Ken to bloke in the front row (his accountant): ‘Jasper dropped them off at your office.’

    Accountant: ‘Doctored, Livingstone, I presume?’

  280. 280
    Question Dimbullby (Actor) says:

    Oona: I wonder if the public have clocked the stooge audience placeman in QT last night who got his assertions on immigration all wrong – and will Dim Dumblebelly correct the error next time round?

  281. 281
    Margo from The Good Life says:

    Oona lately Lady Bow,
    Vengeful nigga, keeping close,
    Evil follows leaden show,
    Oona, mete the killer blow!

  282. 282
    Phil says:

    Oona: “this is the first time I’ve held an umbrella to protect a drip from getting wet”

  283. 283
    Major Bonkers says:

    “My opponent has been rightly castigated for referring to ‘picaninnies’ with ‘watermelon smiles’. I want to assure you that I will always treat our black citizens with the respect they deserve.’

  284. 284
    TGF UKIP says:

    Oona says, “But if it were urine hosing down, nothing would be folded more quickly than this umbrella”

  285. 285
    wight tory says:

    If he was any more wooden, I’d have to soak him with that job lot of dry-rot treatment that Margaret Moran has in Southampton.

  286. 286
    Danger Mouse says:

    Ken might be ignoring Boris’s doughnut, but Christ on a Bike I wish I didn’t have to look at Ken’s.

  287. 287
    ExCon says:

    “Servetta also pays Oona to hold my umbrella for me. I can’t possibly be racist as I employ one of them.”

  288. 288
    Anonymous says:

    This ex-Bulgarian Secret Service Umbrella was a bargain… I wonder what happens if I press this button…. oops

  289. 289
    Rh- says:

    muslim umbrellas … I will turn the city of london into a beacon of Islamic rain preventors … just vote for me …. please!

  290. 290
    Justice Stinks says:

    This is your ASH approved smoking shelter not an umbrella.

  291. 291
    Anonymous says:

    Livingstone: “Oona my umbrella, ella eh eh eh eh eh”

  292. 292
    Julian says:

    Livingstone: ” … and Oona King is here to help me secure the gay Muslim vote, and protect me from Labour … oops … the rain”.

  293. 293
    richarevans1 says:

    Ken “And with this device in my hands they can actaully hear me where I do pay my fair share of tax”

  294. 294
    richarevans1 says:

    Ken: I believe I have the entire Asian community voting for me – teenagers, adults, the old and especially the dead

  295. 295
    Sack Cameron - Elect A Tory says:

    Splendid! +1

  296. 296
    robbie says:

    “practically perfect in every way”.

  297. 297
    richarevans1 says:

    King: I remember when I was a cabinet member, and now here I am carrying Ken’s booze for a living.

  298. 298
    fabians are Evil says:

    “When I said that I wanted to see the back of him………….

  299. 299
    MC Hammer says:

    Too legit to quit.

  300. 300
    Grrr says:

    The Jooooooz made it rain – -vote for me, my brown shirt’s in the wash.

  301. 301
    Expat Geordie says:

    Most of them work for the council.

  302. 302
    Expat Geordie says:

    Unlike Scotland, where it’s one man one vote, and it’s Salmond who has the one vote.

  303. 303
    John Major's Underpants says:


  304. 304
    SPaD u like says:


  305. 305
    Off the record thinking says:

    Oona – thinking: If only the public knew that Alex Salmond’s put up job with that Welsh MP Adam wotsisname to ‘impeach’ Blair some years ago was all in fact a put up job to protect Murdochs man at No 10 (Bliar) …. the peasents are still clueless dumbasses and the Senior Press Corps know it – ‘cos they’re part of … – I’ll get my knighthoody even if I have to support this kenscum. umm Scum – they do say it rises to the top!

  306. 306
    Splodge says:

    ‘Just like Mary fucking Poppins.’

  307. 307
    PC clitoris says:

    i said either a black brolly or a bitch with a brolly not both!!!

  308. 308
    The Tuscan Kid says:

    “So here I am, an intelligent black woman, an ex-MP, reduced to standing here like a moron, acting the lackey, merely holding an umbrella for a geriatric champagne socialist white hypocritic of the worst-order; a liar, a misogynist, a tax-dodger, and a friend of terrorists. Even slavery at least had the honest dignity of the wronged victim.”

  309. 309
    Can you imagaine a Tory getting away with this? says:

    “Blimey, this equality business is harder than you’d think. How did I come to be here, standing a couple of paces behind the old white massa, sheltering him with my umbrella?”

  310. 310
    Daggy Dave says:


    Not only was he a Labour stooge, but the BBC obviously made sure that they acquired someone who might appear to be an “expert” present, was pre-briefed with the questions and was situated in a prime position.

    May they get what they deserve.

  311. 311
    Ooh you are awful says:

    Bet Boris would have got Mary’s Popouts!

  312. 312
    Ooh you are awful says:

    You would probably get wet in the rain.

  313. 313
    filipinomonkey says:

    I wonder how long it will be until he realises he’s talking into a hairdryer…

  314. 314
    D L George says:


  315. 315
    David Smith says:

    “It’s only a shower – and what a shower he is!”

  316. 316
    fruitcake says:

    Showers of Sh1te

  317. 317
    fruitcake says:

    or “My comeback begins here?”

  318. 318
    Archie says:

    He’s not the Mayor. He’s a very naughty boy.

  319. 319
    Expat Geordie says:


  320. 320
    Expat Geordie says:

    I have an Obama tee-shirt like that, with the words “He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!”. I picked it up in Weymouth, a place not known for political correctness, although they did vote for a Labour MP once, silly sods. I also picked up a tee-shirt of Elvis, with the words “Burger King”.

  321. 321
    Judge nutmeg says:

    Don’t worry, it’s just a shower…

  322. 322
    fred block says:

    god i whish i was mary poppins , spit spot…..

  323. 323
    Schulz says:

    Brolly Holder says :

    I’m really Wendy Deng in disguise .

    So no custard pies or you know what;s comimg !!

Seen Elsewhere

New Tory, New Danger | Laura Perrins
UKIP Could Work With Dave If Price is Right | Douglas Carswell
Cops Catch Crims With B.O. Test | Techno Guido
Bashir’s “False Account” to His Own Lawyers | Times
Injustice of Tax Avoidance Hysteria | City AM
The New Puritans | Alex Wickham
UKIP on 23% With Survation | Mirror
UKIP Could Deal With Dave | Douglas Carswell
Tories Would Lower Benefit Cap | Telegraph
Bashir Twitter Meltdown | Mirror
Bashir is a Wrong’un | Norman Tebbit

Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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