April 26th, 2012

Mayoral Election Reduced to Whining

Just when the Mayoral election was getting a little bit dry, the fine people at Oddbins have lined up a special selection of wines relevant to each candidate:

Boris is apparently a Diane de Belgrave Haut-Medoc Bordeaux. “Just like the current Mayor, the wine has been around since 2008, is classic old-school with a posh upbringing and a fruity side” Guido would have gone with Blue Nun…

Thirsty Ken Livingston is paired off with a Cape Chamonix Pinotage. “The perfect wine for Ken must go with newts, carry real weight and also have legs – as it doesn’t look like he is ever going to retire.” He’ll have a crate of it, though surely he’s a Cuban rum?

Paddick is apparently a Berton Paddock Shiraz. The name aside apparently it has “liberal fruity characteristics”. Not your average jungle juice…

You may be able to win these in the caption contest tomorrow. Guido will get back to you on that…


  1. 1
    Ed Balls says:

    So what!

  2. 2
    Reader complains says:

    “You may be able to win these in the caption contest tomorrow. Guido will get back to you on that…”

    http://order-order.com/2012/03/30/friday-caption-contest-bus-to-nowhere-edition/ = No Winner chosen

    http://order-order.com/2012/03/23/friday-caption-contest-binge-britain-edition/ = No winner annouced

  3. 3
  4. 4
  5. 5
    Jezza Hunt says:

    Get a proper job, you fat c’unt.

  6. 6
    Peppers Ghost aka Oz Clark says:

    Cape Chamonix Pinotage – a preposterous little number reminiscent of the glue on lots of postage stamps, with an aftertaste of spice and hyperbola

  7. 7
    I give it till August says:

    I am very surprised. I did not think Guido was the type.

  8. 8
    FonyBlair says:

    Livingstone is a fine Margeuax – he’ll cost you a fortune if you choose him!

  9. 9
    Zzzzzzzz says:

    I lasted 1 minute 37 seconds.

  10. 10
    Guido says:

    Click on a few of them adverts. Only then might I have enough cash to announce winners!

  11. 11
    annette curton says:

    O/T but funny, courtesy of Wiki.
    “Lesbian wine is wine made on the Greek island of Lesbos in the Aegean Sea. The island has a long history of wine making dating back to at least the 7th century BC when it was mentioned in the works of Homer”.

  12. 12
    Tom Watson says:

    So fat.

  13. 13
    Si Durrrr says:

    Wine is for poofs and….er…….winos

  14. 14
    Gaius Valerius Catullus says:

    Vivamus, Lesbia mea atque amemus.

  15. 15
    Ah! Monika says:

    8illy. One win should suffice.

  16. 16
    Why is John Pienaar allowed to be so openly biased? says:

    All Wines will be banned when satan’s metropolis falls to the forces of Islam, and becomes Londonistan!!!!

    Allhua Akbar!!!!!!!!!!

  17. 17
    Homer Sexual says:

    I laughed.

  18. 18
    illogical says:

    What a disappointing last paragraph / sentence Guido.
    Please send H@rry home.

  19. 19
    nudge nudge says:

    Have a watch of the Permanent Secretary Jonathan Stephens stonewalling video. A few things:

    How annoying are the two ladies behind him (one texting, the other playing with her hair).

    And what are those stupid lapel badges (that seem to be emerging all over the place) – the size of tulips – he and the bloke behind him are wearing?

  20. 20
    Drought Update: Day 11. Rain rain rain tornados, floods and more rain. says:

    I bet it comes in big fat mis-shapen bottles and has a sour chippy taste.

  21. 21
    Mornington Crescent says:

    First prize – one bottle of Oddbins plonk; second prize…

  22. 22
    Drought Update, Day 11. Rain rain rain tornados floods and more rain. says:

    I bet it comes in big f@t mis-shapen bottles and has a sour chippy taste.

  23. 23
    Mornington Crescent says:

    I gave up when I realised it wasn’t Ron Jeremy…

  24. 24
    This guy doesn't quit! says:

    Go watch ‘X factor’ or maybe ‘Deal or no Deal’ then, or for the ADHD sufferers try 6:15 onward.

  25. 25
    LibLabCon have scre*wed our country says:

    If you’ve seen Tower Hamlets recently, you’d be forgiven for thinking that’s already happened.

  26. 26
    Mark from Majestic, 125 High Road Bushey Heath Bushey WD23 1JA says:

    Are there other wine merchants other than ODDBINS, then? I always found THRESHERS offered a far superior service.

  27. 27
    Gordon Brown, Part-Time MP says:

    I’m a Buckfast man myself. I’m also a fast-buck man. Strange how that works out.

  28. 28
    No, he doesn't!! says:

    43 minutes, for fuck’s sake. Fuck that.

  29. 29
    man-about-town says:

    I’ve never seen Tower Hamlets. It sounds quite posh though.

  30. 30
    Sizzla says:

    Ken is more like a bottle of vinegar. Aged, bitter and there’s less tax involved.

  31. 31
    Lost Goumand says:

    I tasted Chamonix Pinotage at the vineyard and it scored 6 out of 10. Chamonix have better wines. Ken should be given a box of Turd’s Way Cabernet.
    As for Paddick he should be on tap water.
    Cameron something syrupy like a Greek sweet red wine, good for Coq au Vin though.

  32. 32
    Advice is Free says:

    You can’t pull the wool over my eyes, mate. Your prices are higher than most but the seedy settings fool people into thinking they must be getting a bargain.

    In fact, anyone setting up in business would do well to sprinkle sawdust on their floor and watch the punters roll in for those rock-bottom deals.

  33. 33
    M says:

    Is not ken a champagne man , apparently it goes well with his socialism

  34. 34
    M says:

    Homer simpson

  35. 35

    I can get you a lovely bijou loft conversion there for about £400k

    Its a loft in crack den and white slave trade house. But there’s a lovely view of HMS Belfast.

  36. 36

    Dear Rupert,

    Just to let you know I never loved you and all the time we were together I faked all my orgasms.

    And I want you to return my arctic monkey cds, Ben 10 boxset and that signed book ‘how I saved you all- Ah Haa!’ that I gave you for Christmas.

    I shall send a taxi round and it will also drop off Brooke’s knickers that she left at the slumber party that never happened.

    yours sadly,
    your ex – James Gordon Brown Mp {semi -retired}

  37. 37
    Perse O'Nally says:

    Blue Nun? Are you fucking insane? I wouldn’t feed that to my wife!

  38. 38
    Benny the Ball says:

    passer mortuus est meae puellae,

  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    well you cares – had chateau lafite tonight – nanananana

  40. 40
    Mehdi Assams says:

    All you need to know about Pienaar is that he wrote an angling column having never angled

  41. 41
    Sneaky git says:

    I knew a football reporter many years ago who wrote for a national daily. He used to buy half a dozen of the Sunday papers and the rephrase bits from all of their reports to make up his own reports of the previous Saturday’s matches. I don’t believe he ever went to a real live match in his life.

  42. 42
    yet again says:

    Now WTF has that been muddied?

  43. 43
    Riesler says:

    Paddick should be J.P.Chenet Chardonnay – the one with the slightly bent bottle.

    Ken should be something mean, acid and tasteless.

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