April 13th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (This Close Edition)


  1. 1
    David R says:

    “A really small aircraft carrier”

    • 33
      thedukeofhunslet says:

      …and that’s why they call it a ‘dirty trombone’.

      • 53
        compulsory homosexual indoctrination for 4 yr olds in UK schools says:

        and that’s how Fawkes hand shandies Desmond’s cock.

      • 89
        Jeffrey Bernard says:

        Ed: “Mine’s so wide it will bring tears to your eyes”
        Ken: “What a riddle”

        • 199
          David laws Lib Dem fiddler says:

          Don’t worry Dave and Boy Blunder are on our side. There is not this much between us.

    • 45
      The Truth Hurts says:

      Milibrand to Red Ken:

      ” You are getting very….very sleepy….when I snap my fingers you will burst into tears and make me look good.”

    • 48
      Mi8 never late says:

      listen ken the runble strip on this tearjerker gig is only this wide…

    • 60
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      A very good meme, Ken’s a daft old sod. Perhaps instead of a prize Guido just sends a nice comfy pair of slippers to Ken. Livingstone, not Barlow.

    • 93
      Smig says:

      The ring finger is the most important when it comes to choking the chic-ken.

    • 106
      Smig says:

      You see that empty jug of water over there? That’s your swimming pool that is.

    • 110
      Ivor Tapeworm says:

      “I’m warning you, if you start blubbing again, I’ll poke your eyes out.”

    • 116
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      This is the grip they use. McCluskey’s got me by it and Boris has got you by it.

    • 198
      John Hutton, the one true prophet, says:

      Does that sign behind them really say ‘Better Off Ken’? What is it an advert for his tax adviser?

    • 239
      Sir William Waad says:

      “Ken – I don’t really understand what you mean by ‘A Bacon of Islam?’”

    • 265
      Mike Litorus says:

      The aircraft carrier paid by your taxes is this small, the aircraft carrier paid for by the rest of the country’s taxes is very far away…

    • 272
      Splodge says:

      OK Ken, you’ve crossed the c*nt threshold, by at least this much today….

    • 275
      Ed Milliband says:

      I wrote a policy the other day it was this long , the effort made me cry too .

    • 285
      Infanta of Castile says:

      At an Addams family reunion, Thing reveals that it actually has an attached body

  2. 2
    Me says:

    *this is how you do the choke hold from Star wars”

  3. 3
    Penfold says:

    You get them by the balls Ken, then their hearts, minds and votes follow….

    I should know, I am leader after all.

  4. 4
    Me says:

    ” and with the blue pill it gets this big…”

  5. 5
    Mike Litorus says:

    I reckon this is how big our pile of votes will be.

  6. 6
    Jason Cobb says:

    I say to you this: My brother’s brain is THIS big.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    “and so this is how you do the Vulcan death grip”

  8. 8
    Lizzle says:

    “Here, I’ll poke you in the eyes Ken to make those tears more authentic”.

  9. 9
    Dick the Prick says:

    Honestly, his foreskin was this long!

  10. 10
    Me says:

    “The neogotations will be short”

  11. 11
    Johan says:

    you think you’re hard? I’m going to crush your testicles until you cry…

  12. 12
    Mike Litorus says:

    “To get my voice this way, I have to jam a crayon this big inside”

  13. 13
    Farquhar Hardt says:

    Did you know that Ed Balls’ balls were that big? Well neither did I!

  14. 14
    hh says:

    pair of wankers

  15. 15
    rightpoliticsnow says:

    “That’s nothing!. My Newt is this big.”

  16. 16
    Me says:

    “This is how much of my shadow cabniat support me”

  17. 17
    icode86 says:

    “So you just make this hand gesture and they start choking? How’s Vader by the way?”

    • 294
      blowingWhistles says:

      Ken, Ken wait up – Remember
      “Turkeys always vote for Christmas”

      We can win this trust me I heard it on Newsnight back on 14th November 2003 “TURKEYS VOTING FOR CHRISTMAS!” serious … the BBC aired it; the worlds media heard it. It was BSkyB’s annual wotsit yeu know…

  18. 18

    If you make London a ‘beacon of Islam’ in the next four years, Ken, this is how thick the armour on the athlete’s cars will need to be during the Olympics

  19. 19
    IanVisits says:

    Labour denies claims they photoshopped a glass of whisky out of Ed Milibands hand.

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    “Perhaps if you tell everyone your tax bill was this little bit bigger, this will get you off the hook!”

  21. 21
    hojoger says:

    Sorry, Ken. Was that your newt, brain or penis size you were on about?

  22. 22
    Sniper says:

    Gordon could do it much more menacingly, I feel I.m just faking it. What about you?

  23. 23
    Andrew Lamberty says:

    …and this is how much tax you *should* have paid…

  24. 24
    Anonymous says:

    If I squeeze like this you will cry

  25. 25
    Sod the Eds says:

    Your nose will soon be this big

  26. 26
    Anonymous says:


  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Ed’s Arthur Atkinson impression fails to amuse…”Where’s me bowling ball… have ya seen it?”

    It’s “Washboard” Ed.

  28. 28
    smoggie says:

    Top political leaders in deeply meaningful discourse….

    “Hey Ken, guess what this is. This is Sooty – naked !”

  29. 29
    Andy N says:

    Ken, your chances of winning are about as real as this Rubix Cube I’m holding.

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    and then i’ll twist

  31. 31
    Ah! Monika says:

    “You were that far from pulling it off”

  32. 32
    anal beast says:

    Honestly, until I stopped telling lies my nose was this long too.

  33. 34
    Steve Miliband says:

    So What have I got if I have one moth ball in this hand and one in the other?

  34. 35
    Anonymous says:

    You’ll need a cut onion about this big.

  35. 36
    The Queen of Tonga says:

    ” and then they gave me this pastry thing, and expected me to eat it, with my hands, Ken, with my bare hands…”

  36. 37
    Heisenberg 923 says:

    Wallace shows the Pilferring Ken-quin his latest cracking invention, The Tenuous Grasp on Politics

  37. 38
    Turbo mule says:

    Ed explains how to complete Rubic’s cube one-handed while Ken ponders how the fuck he got into this

  38. 39
    Jimmy says:

    Well that’s Mrs. Gilligan’s theory but who knows?

  39. 40
    George Laird says:

    Then you just tug forward and his throat pops out!

  40. 41
    Steve Miliband says:

    Warning: Some of the characters portrayed in the Labour Party are played by actors

  41. 42
    Selohesra says:

    Ed explains fisting technique

    • 187
      Polly Seewonk says:

      *Ken wonders how saying he wanted to come first got him into this conversation.*

  42. 43
    Mrs Hyacinths Bucket says:

    Your nose will grow this long if you keep telling lies about your tax.

  43. 44
    George Laird says:

    If you star crying again, watch my suit, its just dry cleaned.

  44. 46
    Anonymous says:

    Any more faking bawls and I’ll have your other ones!

  45. 49
    I Squiggle says:

    “What’s that Ed?”

    “A fake glass of champagne to celebrate you winning..”

  46. 50
    Ed Lithper-Kant says:

    “Ken I’d be worried, Pinnochio’s nose was this long after just one week of lying”.

  47. 51
    Ah! Monika says:

    ” it’s called an off-spinner Ken”

  48. 54
    Tayto says:

    Your popularity is this much better than mine

  49. 55
    On Harman Pride's Dossier says:

    “I am crushing your head! Crush! Crush! Crush! Crush! Look at your flat little head! I am crushing it!”

  50. 56
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    I’m gonna get all your farkin newts and I’m gonna…

  51. 57
    Reverend Irreverent says:

    So Justine grabbed me like this, quoted Guido Fawkes, and said it’s about bloody time I made an honest woman of her

  52. 62
    blowingWhistles says:

    Look Ken … If your Actors Union membership has lapsed that’s another thing we’re going to have to fake up.

  53. 63
    Loungelizard says:

    The Fakir of London sits nonplussed by Eddie The Halfwit’s election strategy.

  54. 64
    Mrs Kinnoch says:

    A slot for me on “PM” today. Good job they didn’t ask me about how much me, Neil and the boy pulled in last year!! LOL. The European Commission? – we love it.

  55. 65
    Steve Miliband says:

    ‘….yeth, but Ken offthore family truthtth are a much more efficient method of tax avoidance…’

  56. 66
    Ah! Monika says:

    Keep going Ken, David thought he was this close.

  57. 67
    Sizzla says:

    “Thanks to my accountant I’m paying this much income tax”

  58. 68
    George Laird says:

    I really can’t envisage you winning, but Boris will get you into Olympics…. selling ice cream at 100m final

  59. 69
    Gunnersaurus says:

    “Give them a squeeze like this. I think that will help with the tears.”

  60. 70
    anonymous says:

    are we going invade North Korea as well now?

    hague, laughingly, threatening them again!!

  61. 71
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Milliband: “I’m told had my foreskin not been sliced off, I could have stretched it this far!”

    Red Ken: “Hmmm, I’m a complete prick . . .”

  62. 72
    Anonymous says:

    doesn’t anybody realise the tories have been in government for nealy 2 years and yet all we ever get is labourlist????

  63. 73

    “Jesus Ken, anyone who watches Casualty will recognise most of those actors – it’s like someone has interviewed all the extras in Holby City’s waiting room”

  64. 74
    Anonymous says:

    Guido Fawkes is actually this big in real life.

  65. 75
    Dorian Smith says:

    “I have this amount of credibility in the eyes of the public, and unfortunately for you Ken, you have even less”.

  66. 76
    gamer geek says:

    “the electorate don’t realise THE CAKE IS A LIE!”

    (The Cake is a Lie roughly translates to ‘your promised reward is merely a fictitious motivator’.)

  67. 77
    The Stilton Eater says:

    “Don’t worry we’ve got sheafs of photocopied postal votes this thick on stand-by”

  68. 78
    Chicken Jimmyranga says:

    Ooh, when I see that Boris I’m gonna squeeze his middle.

  69. 79
    Jimmy Fox says:

    Ken, we couldn’t afford to buy the domain name ….we’re this much from financial meltdown at Millbank.

  70. 80
    ToonBob... says:

    “Yes Ken, fully dilated it was this big.”

  71. 81
    Martin says:

    Don’t know what Ed is saying but Ken is clearly thinking

    ‘Fuck me, I’m bored’

  72. 82
    Raving Loon says:

    Ken: do you think I have a chance?

    Ed: thith wath your fineth hour…

  73. 84
    blowingWhistles says:

    Ken – look at my two fingers … what does it tell you?

  74. 85
    Check Facts first says:

    No wonder you were crying Ken if it`s only as long as that. How on earth do you manage to get your women pregnant?

  75. 86
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    It’s no use staring into space, Ken.

    Get a grip!

  76. 87
    Philip McArthur says:

    ” It’s quite simple, Ken. If Boris wins we just strangle him.”

  77. 88
    WVM says:

    I can’t increase your campaign funding Ken I keep tell you there’s no money left, the party is skint! I mean we’re even having to photoshop the bloody champagne in later.

  78. 90
    Mr Natural says:

    David reaches up to strangle brother.

  79. 91
    Ah! Monika says:

    We all do it Ken. It’s called lying.

  80. 92
    jgm2 says:

    How did I become Labour leader?

    Well, I grabbed McCluskey’s shaft like this and, using my other hand I cradled his balls and then … well… that’s why I talk like I’ve got a bad taste in my mouth.

  81. 95

    EM This is how to defend yourself against anyone who attacks with a banana..

    KL We’ve done that.

  82. 96
    Ah! Monika says:

    Oi, Neo. What’s the prize?

  83. 97
    Ken says:

    I’m going to try this, are you up for it Ed?

    • 101
      Ah! Monika says:

      Second best!

    • 114
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      Its dead easy for them to fake crying. They just have to think about what happens to them and their family if they don’t do it well enough.

    • 136
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      This was the reaction in the streets of North Korea, when some people were told that Justin Beiber was shortly going to tour.

    • 277
      Idolatry of leaders is not confined to commie shitholes says:

      Don’t mock them. When Mandela kicks the bucket, many in the west will be trying to likewise out do each other with ridiculous displays of public grief.

      Same goes for the Tories and their icon/personality cult, Maggie Thatcher.

  84. 98
    Loungelizard says:

    Any more lies Ken and your schnozzle will grow by at least this much.

    • 191
      a non says:

      Ed annoyed and adenoids.
      Miliband suggests Ken undergoes a small surgical procedure to gain public sympathy.

  85. 99
    Ah! Monika says:

    Escaped wallaby caught using huge fishing net.

    It was this close Ken

  86. 100
    Liarpoliticians says:

    My beloved loser brother David claims I’m only this big a dickhead!

  87. 102
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    When you started your campaign your credibility was a mile high, now it’s…

  88. 104
    Polly Seewonk says:

    So from when we were small kids right up until last year, every time we’d play Stone-Paper-Scissors I’d put out my hand like this and then tell David I’d won.

  89. 105
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Darth Miliband tries the Jedi mind trick to strangle Ken Livingstone.

  90. 107
    Two Fake Fuckers Forging Fatuous Fallacies says:


  91. 108
    Ah! Monika says:

    “Miliband says Labour ‘will not forget’ Bradford loss”

    It was this close Ken, this close. Only 10,000 votes in it.

  92. 109
    Owen Jones says:

    “you only had this much credibility in the first place” WTF were you thinking??!

  93. 111
    JH says:

    “Well I’m rich, and I’m going to vote for you…”

  94. 112
    Pox Vopuli says:

    Ed can’t even get ‘The Shocker’ right.

  95. 117

    Let us face it Ken, we’re fucked – absolutely fucked – totally fucked – we have not been so fucked up since Kinnock tried to walk upon water. There is nowhere to fucking go – nowhere to fucking hide. This is such a clusterfuck that I’m actually considering joining the Tories – at least their policies are the same.

  96. 118
    not an entry says:

    Aung San Suu Kyi . Now that’s what i call a true politition.

  97. 119
    The teardrop implodes says:

    The tax loophole was this big, but may family took a mile.

  98. 120
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    My bugle was that long before McCluskey said I would look more like a tough guy with it broken.

  99. 122
    Polly Seewonk says:

    No, when a newt is any larger than this it’s technically a dragon – JK Rowling told me so herself when she gave all that cash to the Party and told Gordon how great he was!.

  100. 123

    As Ed demonstrates his Vulcan death grip, Ken ponders how terrible he must be not to have ever been the Labour leader.

  101. 124
    Hants Chris says:

    “You say the beacon’s going to be this big?”

  102. 125
    Russian doctor smashes up car showroom says:

    • 129
      Russian doctor smashes up car showroom says:

      Someone was clearly in a bad mood.

    • 138
      jgm2 says:

      That’ll be Jeremy Clarkson arseing about again.

    • 171
      Harridan H says:

      *laughs shrilly*

      You all know who I am.

      *drives off, thinking ‘If Ed gets to hear about this he will make me have that cock-transplant to improve my driving’.*

    • 175
      A Learner says:

      That’s quite impressive. I might buy one of those.

    • 183
      Ah! Monika says:

      I think they call it a crash test.

    • 190
      WVM says:

      I feel we all can sympathise with this gentleman’s predicament as we’ve all had the double the quote greasy monkey bill or the “it’s not coved by the warranty” line.

      Good on him!

      • 200
        Russian doctor smashes up car showroom says:

        Apparently the reason he went berserk was because they made him wait 20 minutes to get his car.


    • 195
      alexei says:

      They put me in a special hospital
      They put me in a special hospital

    • 247
      AC1 says:

      that’s the last time the husband lets his wife reverse park.

  103. 126
    Harman says:

    Ed: “Harriet’s dick is this big”

  104. 127
    The Wrong Trouserers says:

    F*ck this for a lark, Gromit. Let’s nip out for a quick half. No-one’ll notice, you could just make something up if they ask.

  105. 128
    The voice of unreason says:

    My tears were this big!

  106. 130
    Bloke on right says:

    My cock is this round when roused!

  107. 131
    Teddyband says:

    Better Off Ken is not exactly the best campaign slogan for someone who avoids paying tax. Was the with purposely missed out Ken?

  108. 132
    re Back ground notice - 'BETTER OFF KEN' says:

    He certainly is!

  109. 133

    And then she said, “if you do, and I notice, I will be very annoyed”.

  110. 134
    Maximus says:

    Glorious leader Millibandit demonstrates to aged party apparatchik how socialists are now required to hold a champagne flute.

  111. 141
    Grumpy old bumburp says:

    John Bercow actually got Sally to believe this was six inches, despite her numerous previous experiences, the Mans a genius

  112. 142
    Toby Lloyd says:

    “So this would be…Boris?”

  113. 143
    No joke. This is for real says:

    BBC Magazine Viewpoint: Alastair Campbell – why self-doubt is a good thing.

  114. 144
    Gonk says:

    “Look Ken, animation is the key. Wallace and Gromit are the best thing that’s
    ever happened to me, I would suggest “Ken the lying Tortoise”. It’ll work !

  115. 145
    jgm2 says:

    The thing is Ken that we can’t actually afford to pay for your election campaign.

    We can’t afford to pay for the Birmingham mayoral campaign either. Or the by-elections caused by Liam Byrne and Gisella Stuart resigning.

    What I’m telling you Ken is that there’s no money left. So you’ll have to win this election without any money from us and then embezzle as much cash as you can into the Labour party or we’re finished.

    • 179
      Polly Seewonk says:

      Ken: “Bollocks – keep your hands away from my money Ed, you’ve got plenty – bloody Socialists.”

  116. 146
    gamer geek says:

    Ed – “FOS RO DAH”

    Ken – “hmm! – It doesn’t work in real life.”

    Ed – “bit like our policies then”

  117. 147
    jgm2 says:

    Fake-Ken hell.

  118. 148
    Ben says:

    Ken thinks “I can’t believe we’re even paying this actor… who’s he supposed to be, anyway?”

  119. 149
    Ian E says:

    Let’s face it Ken, Gilligan’s got you by the Yvette-Coopers!

  120. 150
    Peter Grant says:

    “And this is how you should apply the Death Grip on Boris Johnson, Guido Fawkes, anyone dressed up as a chicken, or anyone else who questions your tax affairs Ken! I learnt that from the recent Star Trek convention I attended where everyone thought I was Bones McCoy’s love-child!”

  121. 153
    Dudley Zoo says:

    very amusing

    type “tom fatson” into google

  122. 155
    miami mike says:

    So the other reason I’m more popular than my brother is…

  123. 156
    Ed Sillyband says:

    “Alas, poor David– I knew him, Ken, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy…”

  124. 158
    i want to be mair of Birningham says:

  125. 159
    Loungelizard says:

    It’s an invisible Rubik’s cube Ken, our financial problems are over.

  126. 160
  127. 161
    Desperate Dan says:

    The Barclay Brothers, proprietors of The Spectator and the Daily Telegraph, own the tax avoidance vehicle The Barclays Foundation. Lord Rothermere, proprietor of the Daily Mail, owns the tax avoidance vehicle the Rothermere Foundation. The Scott Trust Foundation and The Guardian Foundation are part of the tax avoidance vehicle of The Guardian. Richard Desmond, proprietor of the Express is also proprietor of the RD Crusaders foundation. So today Ken, we are whitewashing the motives of rich men who like to send their money abroad after paying no tax.

    • 165
      spoiler says:

      Desperate Dan, do you like cheese?

    • 203
      Cherie Oh says:

      You forgot the Blair Witch Project or should that be the Which Blair Project- Tone seems to have a few organisations laundering these days

  128. 163
    Charioteer of Fire says:

    So, Ken, if you win – you’re saying you’ll rename the olympic torch the ‘Beacon of Islam’.

  129. 163
    Ah! Monika says:

    The Times newspaper is being sued by police blogger Richard Horton after the paper accessed his email account, lawyer Mark Lewis has said.

    The paper revealed Mr Horton was the author of an award-winning anonymous blog entitled “NightJack” in 2009.

    • 186
      Desperate Dan says:

      I thought Horton was a good bloke but if he’s got mixed up with Mark Lewis then he can’t be.

      • 210
        Ah! Monika says:

        The Times buggered his career. Why shouldn’t he go for the dosh. And if Lewis can negotiate a good deal for him, good luck to him.

  130. 166
    Drunk says:

    “No, Ken, the public don’t want to give you their vote. They want to grab you by the throat.”

  131. 168
    mark says:

    “apparently this is how big Ed Balls’ is. Yvette had a few the other night and she started telling everyone”

  132. 169
    Pocket Borough says:

    There were this many postal voters for every house

  133. 172
    Ken LiveScum says:

    The glass isn’t half full. It’s not even there.

  134. 173
    Ha says:
  135. 174
    Sylvio says:

    If you wear the same tie as me again Ken I’ll have your balls placed in a vice and ——

  136. 176
  137. 177
    The Watson Watcher. says:

    Keep telling lies Ken and it will grow this big.

  138. 180
    heir to blair says:

    At least Mel Gibson pays his taxes.

  139. 182
    Political Correction for Dummies part 5 "The Talk" says:

  140. 188
    Ah! Monika says:

    front page coverage for Ken at last


  141. 192
    Jon Rosenberg says:

    You do realise that both our balls are in a vice?

  142. 196
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Would you call that 6 inches?

  143. 197
    Realist says:

    “What about if we swap jobs Ken? We could be like Putin and Medvedev but in opposition”

  144. 201
    Do The Math says:

    I tell you Ken, Mandleson’s anus gapes like this….and he can fire an orange from it. It’s his party trick when he sucking up to bankers and the like. He came into politics comfortably well off now he is supe rich, you go figure.

  145. 202
    Joe says:

    Hahaha… and Prescott thinks his chipolata is this long on the slack.

  146. 204
    Polly Seewonk says:

    Ed: “…then Gordon’s Nokia missed my ear by that much…”

    Ken, “And caught you on the nose?”

  147. 205

    Do you realise? They are going to be able to read all our emails! It’s outrageous!

  148. 206
    legal crook says:

    “If you only lied this much ……………………………….”

  149. 207
  150. 208
    legal crook says:

    “Well off course as you paid Emma £90k for her non job she is going to stretch the truth”

  151. 212
    Desperate Dan says:

    Has Denis McShane been charged yet?

  152. 213
    Hava Nagila says:

    Zee Claw!

  153. 214
    Anonymous says:

    After the surgery it was this long

  154. 215
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    What have I got in my hand ken? ken? ken? You awake?

  155. 217
    Alexander says:

    Ed says, “Don’t cry too much, y’know, about this much’ll do… otherwise people will think your faking it.”
    Ken replies, “They’ll be genuine tears, I’m amazed at how well I wrote this & the actors are brilliant!”


  156. 220
    Tony Eden from Eton says:

    I mean to say that that Cameron is bang out of order. He goes all the way to Burma and starts mouthing off in public about lifting EU sanctions.

    I say its just not right. Speak about it behind closed doors OK and then go back and discuss it with the EU. But to just mouth off in public like that is not right. I dont know what imbeciles landed the British public with this guy.

    Ok he has got a first but sometimes i wonder whether he can do joined up writing.

  157. 222
    Aristander of Telmissus says:

    I’m this close to asking my big brother to beat you up.

  158. 223
    Mr Milibean Explains..... says:

    Just do this Ken on your iphone screen and everything gets bigger!

  159. 224
    A pragmatist says:

    This is your secret weapon to win the Mayorship?

    Yes my wittle white wabbit called Harvey.

  160. 225
    Anonymous says:

    Wallace and Vomit

    With apologies

  161. 226
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Let’s just say you paid this much tax Ken, why bother with actual figures, no one in the labour party ever does.

  162. 227
    blowingWhistles says:

    Pssst!… now listen up Ken … The crystal ball says you’re going to have to go on a little trip – you can do a rendition of the tears when you get there. Bro Dave, Jack and Tony have organised it. Captain Kirk’s flying so there’s no vetting process. You’ll be incommunicado for a while mind .. but hey! its gotta be done to save the project. We’ve got you a nice single confined cell oops… I mean room at one of Cardiffs nicest prisons ooops … uugh ..aah Hotels. Don’t worry though it’s all covered. Up to you Wha’d ye say?

  163. 228
    Chris Bryant says:

    “His sphincter is this wide!”

  164. 229
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Bro Ken and Wind Ed.

  165. 230
    annette curton says:

    Anyway, to cut a long story short, it took 26 of us to change the light bulb.

  166. 231
    Naughty Guido says:
    • 234
      annette curton says:

      OO, ER!, Sum-mon-ed!, by ICO:
      “The Information Commissioner’s Office (ICO) – independent advice and guidance about data protection and freedom of information” ???, Spot the basic conflict of interest in their mission statement anybody?.

      • 241
        blowingWhistles says:

        Mr Christopher Graham (ICO Chief honcho) has no force in law – A ‘summons’.
        Question its legality and validity at law. Got any problems contact a local Lay Legal Adviser / interpreter of their legalistic rhetorical jargon.

        Cages rattling everywhere ….. especially in the snake pit of the judicials no doubt.

    • 238
      Sir William Waad says:

      Do they actually have the power to summon people?

      • 246
        annette curton says:

        Just out of control pomposity no doubt, then wait and see if anybody is stupid enough to turn up, as in, I summoned my window cleaner wot missed a bit.

    • 252
      Ah! Monika says:

      Guido, presumably they will pay your expenses. There are a few reasonable restaurants just down the road from Wilmslow in Alderley Edge, one of which serves a nice Lobster and Chips @ £32.
      Or try the Alderley Edge Hotel for a bit more luxury. A bottle of Chateau Cheval Blanc 1er Cru 1999 @ £750.00 should go down nicely. As taxpayers you can have this one on us.

      • 256
        annette curton says:

        As we have seen (Leveson) Guido does not qualify for attendance allowance unlike everybody else because he is a subversive blogger, the most he could hope for would be a day rider bus ticket and a voucher for a sandwich at Greggs.

  167. 232
    The Missing Words Round says:

    Livingstone BLANKS over tax avoidance row.

    Ed: could it be ‘quits’?

  168. 235
    AC1 says:

    Darth Milliband: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

  169. 236
    AC1 says:

    More tears Gromit?

  170. 237
    Sir William Waad says:

    When Ken asked for advice on spin he hadn’t expected a lecture on “How To Bowl The Doosra”.

  171. 242
    me says:

    “Don’t worry, the postal votes will be this deep……..”

  172. 244
    Ed Minibrain says:

    My cock is as long as your tax bill.

  173. 249
    Julian says:

    This is how close the world was to seeing my tax return, thanks to you.

  174. 250
    Grrr says:

    “And when I caught the newt, it was this big; do you know what I then did to it?”

  175. 253
    Raving Loon says:

    Ed: It wath thith wide, I thwear!

    Ken: so that’s why he’s winning…

  176. 254
    Ed Millipede Support Committee says:

    Taken just before Ken bursts into tears, his Leader demonstrates the Japanese Ball Stranglehold he uses on the Shadow Chancellor

  177. 255
    Ed Millipede Support Committee says:

    Ed “That’s how far I am away from slappin you son. I mean it. One more f**k up and I’ll do time for you, swear to Gawd”

  178. 257
    Anonymous says:

    I suggest thsi is hw long the trails of tears should be

  179. 258
    I am not doormat for lying gaybo says:

    Ed consoles Ken by saying ‘Don’t cry Ken, with the penis enhancing gel, my winky grew to this size. Magic.

  180. 259
    The Tuscan Kid says:

    Ed: This is how much I care about the fucking people of London

  181. 264
    filipinomonkey says:

    so when I squeeze, you start crying…

  182. 266
    nellnewman says:

    Look Ken the gap between you and boris is this big but next week with your continuing lies and evasions it will be 100 times bigger.

  183. 267
    Anonymous says:

    “Maybe you could pay just a liiiitle bit of tax?”

  184. 268
    Anonymous says:

    Your chances of winning this election are much less than this …….

  185. 269

    Ed was disappointed after watching Star Wars to discover he could not use the force to choke Ken.

  186. 270
    blowingWhistles says:

    Ed: Sort it out Ken or I’m going to put Kevin Maguire in charge of your campaing. He’s connected to the Union Mafia brothers ‘know wot I mean’ Ken. D ‘ye nae Ken Ken…

  187. 271
    Dylan says:

    “When your nose gets bigger than this, then you’ve lost any chance of winning….”

  188. 273

    Lord Milivader: “I find your lack of tears disturbing”

  189. 274
    Rightallalong says:

    ‘…….and this is my invisible I-Phone APP’

  190. 276
    Anonymous says:

    Wrong Galloway stragegy. Get your bookie odds down to 10-1 or longer, co-ordinate the placing of bets with the students and others and you are in.

  191. 278
    drewstew says:

    And now you’ve gripped it, wave it about, and shout “Loadsamoney”!

  192. 279
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘I am a Bullshitter myself, but, I do like to hear a professional at it. So please continue!!’

  193. 280
    Ed Millipede Support Committee says:

    “Harriet says that unless you’re bigger than this you have no chance”

  194. 281
    I hate Liebour says:

    but seriously though, which one of us do people hate more?

  195. 284
    Thom says:

    “So I performed my force grip on Dave at the last PMQs but all I managed to do was soil myself.”

  196. 286
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    “And thath why she calls me Justin” !

  197. 287
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    I love the sign at the back ! “Better off Ken ”
    He would be wouldn’t he , He doesn’t pay his fuckin taxes !

  198. 289
    Anonymous says:

    I find your lack of faith disturbing

  199. 290
    alan johnston says:

    honest thats the size of alex salmond’s wee jock cock!

  200. 291
    YorkshireLad says:

    I once caught a newt and it was this big

  201. 292
    Ed to Ken says:

    How the f*ck does Handycock pull all these teenagers when we all know that he only has two and a half inches?

  202. 293
    Post hoc says:

    “You’re a f***ing liar”!

  203. 295
    robbie says:

    They’ve got you right here.

  204. 297
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    And you would weep to if your cock was only this big !

  205. 298
    LabourNutter says:

    So, if I channel the payments through a shelf company, I only pay _this_ much tax?

  206. 299
    In A Flap says:

    how honest have you been this week Ed?

  207. 300
    Rootar says:

    I say this to you: the media have ripped you a new one this wide o ver your tax affair

  208. 302
    Rinka Scott says:

    For fucks sake Ken all that Londoners want is somoeone who will make sure the bins are emptied, the tube works and the roads are open.

    They dont wont a load of old pony about Jews Muslims and the tax system.

  209. 303
    Times. Past says:

    When I was a boy conkers were this big —— shows how the world has changed!

    Ken: When I was a boy you didn’t have to declare your earnings !!!

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Isn’t George Great | Simon Jenkins

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Cathy Jamieson MP, Labour’s Shadow Treasury minister, commenting on Treasury analysis of the economic impact of tax changes…

“If the Treasury is looking at the economic impact of tax changes, then surely it should examine the impact of the rise in VAT and cuts to tax credits? George Osborne’s £12 billion VAT rise knocked confidence, helped to choke off the recovery and has cost families £1,350 over the last three years.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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