April 7th, 2012

Post-€uro Preparations for Irish Punt


  1. 1
    Kevin T says:

    Euros? FECK!

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Guido, you look more Protestant as time goes by.

  3. 3
    Guardian reader, foaming at the mouth says:


  4. 4
    Fake Blood says:

    Best thing they could possibly do. Go Ireland!

  5. 5
    Flann O'Brien says:

    Left over from the old days. They had a lot printed by the brother.

  6. 6
    Anonymous says:

    Not possible this signs a few years old?

  7. 7
    Jeffrey Bernard says:

    Best be prepared. Or, if you really must go out in the wet, make sure you’re well wrapped up. To be sure.

  8. 8
    Book Cook says:

    Until you learn how to use apostrophes anonymong no fucker will treat you seriously.

  9. 9
    Harold says:

    So why are they selling the Liffey water in frog measurements?

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Is it not possible that this sign is a few years old?

    Thank you, spelling police.

  11. 11
    Bogeyman says:

    I’m not commenting on anything until you call off that fukin stupid auto-mod or whatever you call it. Nothing gets through until it’s too late.

    Let’s try this

    Mr Miliband is a very nice man

    Mr Livingstone is totally honest.

    Ah, so not everything gets intercepted.

  12. 12
    Judge lord Judge says:

    Well it seems to me that an English man has every right to go swinning in the Thames, just the same rights as a boatsman in fact.

  13. 13
    Breaking News says:

    “The hacking group Anonymous is alleged to have blocked the Home Office website, apparently in response to government plans for email surveillance.”

  14. 14
    Live the Language. says:

    I think you will find that the English language is a few years old. Much older than your infant school punctuation.

  15. 15
    AC1 says:

  16. 16
    Jimmy says:

    Dual pricing continued for some time after the Euro came in. You’d think someone who lived in Ireland would know that.

  17. 17
    Jimmy says:

    Typical BBC pro tory bias.

  18. 18
    BBC NEWS says:

    This is the BBC Home Service calling London.
    Hello London. Here are tonight’s messages for our friends in the resistance.

    Boris has a silver spoon.
    Boris has a silver spoon

    The Red Fox jumped over the Blue Snake
    The Red Fox jumped over the Blue Snake

    Marjorie, take these eggs to the poor.
    Marjorie, take these eggs to the poor.

    Uncle Bob was coming, but the congestion was bad.
    Uncle Bob was coming, but the congestion was bad.

    That is all for tonight London.
    Bless you all.

  19. 19
    Gordon Brown says:

    Someone has removed the sim card from my mobile. Who would do such a thing?

  20. 20
    Tachybaptus says:

    Jimmy, I never quite know what’s going on in the Escheresque perspectives of your mind. But that almost makes sense. The BBC would far rather have the feeble Cameron than a possible Con-UKIP coalition, with Cameron scrapped. Think what that might do to the BBC.

  21. 21
    podge on podge says:

    I reckon young h@rry is going to get his leg over with his co guest on the Sky paper review. She seems to have the hots for him.

  22. 22
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    What has being Protestant or Catholic got to do with the Euro?

  23. 23
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    Why do the commenters on ths blog waste time attacking each other when there are common enemies? Seems mean spirited, to this Canadian. We have to support each other!

  24. 24
    Eat ur heart out Mr chips. says:

    Tell you something. Not one of those NUT T shirted fat slobs just featured on the news should be allowed to stand in front of a class of impressionable children. THEY ARE AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE TO THEIR CHOSEN “profession”.

  25. 25
    Tachybaptus says:

    Only if he paid for a round occasionally.

  26. 26
    A law unto themselves. says:

    You can only complaint about the BBC to the BBC Trust because there is a “Memorandum of Understanding” between them and Ofcom.


  27. 27
    WVM says:

    Where the fuck is the lovely Laura Tobin with the weather?

  28. 28
    WVM says:

    …and dual pricing will start again when the Euro comes down like the Berlin wall, you’d think someone who’s a socialist would know that.

  29. 29
    Rt Hon Gordon Brown says:

    Big head & hands
    ooo-eeerr missus

  30. 30
    Tachybaptus says:

    Politics is about attacking people in a mean-spirited way. It’s like war with the fun taken out.

  31. 31
    Keith Chegwin FRCS says:

    I’m sending all of my email spam directly to my MP – if he wants to read my emails then he’s welcome

  32. 32
    BBC Controller says:

    Christ! Don’t even joke about such things!

    I haven’t seen a suggestion as appalling since that hideous April 1st memo telling me Norman Tebbit had been appointed Director General.


  33. 33
    AC1 says:

    Sorry but they are absolutely typical of the “profession”…

    If you want to devalue something, subsidise it.

  34. 34
    David Cameron says:

    Yeah, we’ve decided it would be easier for us to take your calls for you. Save a fortune on all that mass interception malarkey and it’ll do wonders for the Indian economy. Toodlepip.

  35. 35
    History repeats says:

    It is like revisiting the late sixties/early seventies when most secondary modern teachers were lefty under achievers who could not be sacked.

    But there is a difference this time. Michael Gove seems to be a minister fully on top of his brief, with a genuine vision on how to improve the education of our nation.

  36. 36
    WANKER says:

    I can’t believe it. One said he will have to work until he is 58 and working at that age is impossible.

  37. 37
    AC1 says:

    As an alternative he can work until 55 then someone will shoot him up the arse with a shotgun.

  38. 38
    Jimmy says:

    I would encourage all my rightie friends here to vote UKIP. Only that way can Britain get the government it needs.

  39. 39
    Tachybaptus says:

    As the three main parties sink ever lower in public estimation, and their leaders become daily more despised, in a few years you might regret having said that, Jimmy. Who know what rough coalition, its hour come round at last, is shambling to Westminster to be born?

  40. 40
    Jimmy says:

    You’re probably on he wrong side, but anyway…

    R.I.P. Barney

  41. 41
    GlobalGaz says:

    And I have a receipt from last year with the French Franc equivalent for my Belgian beer and French wine raid on a Lille supermarche…

    Does this mean France are going to scrap the Euro?

  42. 42
    Jimmy says:

    site, not side

  43. 43
    Jimmy says:

    I can picture it. The imagination of Nigel Farage, the integrity of George Galloway, the humanity of Nick Griffin and the plain common sense of Caroline Lucas.

    Voters would be falling over themselves to apologise in weeks

  44. 44
    Tachybaptus says:

    In the words of Virgil, Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit — one day, perhaps, we will be able to look back on even these things with pleasure.

  45. 45
    Hic Haec Hoc says:

    … or the price of a pint?

  46. 46
    Hic Haec Hoc says:

    Oops – should have said…. or the pr*ce of a pint.

  47. 47
    Bonjour matelots says:

    Inshallah, as the profit mite say.. ??

  48. 48
    Seamus O'Grately, professional stage Paddy says:

    Sure, and all types of booze is too bloody expensive, pounds OR euro, be jeezus! ‘Tis why I’m after makin’ me own poitin, fer the love o’ Mike! Whack for the daddy-o, there’s whiskey in the jar! They say it’s good fer what ails ye, me boyo, and ale’s not too shabby either! And a fine host I am, not invitin’ ye t’ partake– yez’ll jine me in a round or five, won’t ye now? Slainte!

  49. 49
    Jimmy says:

    Yeats and Virgil in one thread?

    You do realise that this is being marketed to Daily Star readers?

  50. 50
    smoggie says:

    You might as argue that that every Englishman has the right to wander down the outside lane of the M6; or to step out in front of a horse at the Epsom Derby.

    The boats should have exercised their rights to keep going and sliced the silly fucker’s head off.

  51. 51
    smoggie says:

    We forget just how little time has passed since this doomed experiment began.

  52. 52
    Maybe says:

    I think this is a bit of spin from the Home Office, to publicise the fact they’ve actually got a website.

  53. 53
    JH says:

    Jimmy thinks we ‘need’ a Labour Government.

    Like JFK needs a hole in the head.

  54. 54
    David Camoron says:

    I understand that my proposals to monitor all of your email, texts, phone calls and web-site visits have met with disapproval. I am also beginning to understand the technical challenges that this throws up.

    I therefore humbly apologise and wish to cancel all of these ridiculous proposals. I was wrong to suggest them.

    In their place, I propose to eradicate the terrorist threat by (a) reducing the English language to one word, “good,” thereby making it impossible to plan a terrorist attack, and (b) by banning heterosexual relationships. By making sex a crime, we will be able to eradicate all human life – and the threat of terrorism – within the British Isles by approximately 2120.

    Of course, immigrants can still come in in their millions but ooh they are lovely aren’t they? Or as we say in ToryNewSp*eak, they’re “good”.

    Toodle pip.

  55. 55
    Totter says:

    If the Euro is to be replaced, can I gave your old ones?

  56. 56
    English Liberation Front says:

    I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this any more.

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    What a brilliant idea! We all, I mean all, forward all our e-mails (sent and received) to our MP. There is nothing like upsetting the bastards. Shaming them is impossible. I wonder how long it would take for them to change their e-mail addresses. Then we do it again.

  58. 58
    Anonymous says:

    We know Guido would prefer to use his Shekels.

  59. 59
    smoggie says:

    The Irish clearly were aware it would be coming back; so was I. In fact I had a punt on it.

  60. 60
    smoggie says:

    Thank you for sharing that.

  61. 61
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    I saw all of the Thunderbirds episodes and Virgil did not speak Latin once.

  62. 62

    Ah! Good!

    No one will be looking at this today.

    I think I can get away with it…

        CCCC    UU      UU  NNN     NN TTTTTTTTT   ¦¦
      CC        UU      UU  NNNN    NN TTTTTTTTT   ¦¦
    CC          UU      UU  NN  NN  NN    TT       ¦¦
    CC          UU      UU  NN    NNNN    TT       ¦¦
      CC         UU   UU    NN     NNN    TT
        CCCC       UUUU     NN      NN    TT       ¦¦
  63. 63
    Mad Hattie says:

    Trenton-in-the-water is obviously a government plant. He has triggered the sleeping leftie fascists into demanding more spending on security for hobby events of their choice.

  64. 64
    Well it's a thought says:

    Wouldn’t worry Davy boy, you just sort out the removal men for your departure from number 10, even the cowardly what’s left of the uconned us party must be able to see that if this loon is allowed to carry on , they won’t after 2015.

  65. 65
    Humble member of the proletariat says:

    Too much money if they can afford a weekend at the seaside for Easter. If they don’t like their jobs so much why not feck off and get another one stacking shelves.
    Maybe if they managed to teach a few more kids to read I might start to consider their pitiful greedy pleas!

  66. 66
    The Lesson unto Noo (Totally Confused) Progressive Cons is taken from the Book of Dave, Chapter 94 says:

    1. And it came to pass, in those days , that three strangers came unto Dave, bearing no gifts.

    2. And Dave, wondering in his heart whose these might be, sought privily, and saith unto them: Who art Thou?

    3. And the strangers, answering said : we cometh from the Land of Von Rumpy, he that is known as Pumpy: and he commandeth us to come to thy lands, and say unto thee that thou hast pleaséd him with thy taxes, yeah even unto thy pasty tax.

    4. Yeah, and not only thy pasty tax, but thy mills that wind for no reason, and thy tax on those things that common people needeth: But yet thou hast sparéd those that have plenty.

    5. And Dave, answering, said unto them : Yeah, for I have taxéd the Have-Nots, yet have I spared the Haves.

    6. And the Three Men answering said unto Divisive Dave: yeah, the job that thou hast set thy heart upon in the land of Rumpy Pumpy still standeth: but be thou full of care that thou upseteth not that cart that draweth apples. And they departed.

  67. 67
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Jimmy, the Blessed Oliver Plunkett absolves you of the crime of Leftism; since you are clearly a man of taste, it’s a wonder you ever committed it in the first place.

  68. 68
    A man with an idea says:

    Could scientists not create genetically engineer piranhas that can survive in the Thames’s cold waters?

    That would put an end to Labour-voting lefty-morons who want to ruin public events. And their demise would be excellent public entertainment.

  69. 69
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Don’t knock it. If they go on strike it’ll give the nippers a break from being greenwashed and otherwise trained as model robots for the NWO.

  70. 70
    A Pasty-faced PR Plonker posing as PM says:

    I say chaps! – I call that part of my jolly Fairness Agenda – watt?

    Do have some more champers! – jolly good brekky this! – watt?

    Darrrhhhling! – these quail’s eggs and cavvy are dashed good! – watt?

  71. 71
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Herr Moggie, you need only subscribe a signature in an email, not a blog post :-)

  72. 72
    Backstairs Billy Vague says:

    No thanks.

  73. 73
    A two-faced lying, cheating, snot-nosed bully, creep, and charlatan, with a weird jaw movement says:

    I feel demeaned.

  74. 74
    The state ejukayshun system is crap says:



    Interesting to hear the whining so-called teachers on TV last night, claiming their pensions are not gold-plated at all and indeed that “teachers in private schools get much better pensions.” I doubt very much that’s true (any of it), but it raises the obvious question: why don’t they get a job teaching in a private school?

  75. 75
    Judge Dread says:

    This is not simply a common or garden public order offence.

    The guy deliberately set out on his own admission to disrupt a national event.

    In doing so he was waging war against the State.

    This is treason pure and simple.

    That Starship Stammer bloke should get back to Law School and read a few more law books.

  76. 76
    Call me Dave - windy miller, eco loon, trougher, europhile and closet socialist says:

    Quick chaps, the most important item on the agenda is stopping sexy music videos being watched by the under 18s.

  77. 77
    Whether Girl says:

    Every cloud has a silver lining!

  78. 78

    Come on, Asti. Be honest! It gets you that way sometimes, doesn’t it?

    Better than bottling it up.

    Or running up a £7tn debt…

  79. 79
    Ah! Monika says:


  80. 80
    Whether Girl says:

    Why don’t they teech in a pryvut skool?

    Coz they’re too BLOODY THICK!!! that’s why!! BASTARDS!!!!

  81. 81
    CCHQ says:

    Dear “Well it’s a thought”,

    Thank you for your recent correspondence to David Cameron. We regret that we have not been able to forward your suggestions to him for the following reason(s):

    You have not paid him £250,000 to listen to you.

    We would like to thank you once again for taking the time to write.

    Yours sincerely,
    The Conservative Party

  82. 82
    Dee Gall says:

    NON !!!!!

  83. 83
    Call me Dave - windy miller, eco loon, trougher, europhile and closet socialist says:

    ps. I’m having one of my ‘tough’ moments.

  84. 84
    Glowing Red-Hot Poker says:

    Any chance I could pay Dave a quick visit ?

  85. 85
    Right up your Alley says:

    Sally Bercow was branded ‘impudent’ last night after claims that Parliament’s rules were broken when her brother’s child was baptised in a Royal chapel in the Palace of Westminster.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2126711/Is-limit-Sally-Bercows-impudence-Speakers-wife-comes-asking-Parliamentary-rules-broken-nieces-christening.html#ixzz1rR5nfIFt

  86. 86
    Right up your Alley says:

    Sally Bercow was branded ‘impudent’ last night after claims that Parliament’s rules were broken when her brother’s child was baptised in a Royal chapel in the Palace of Westminster

  87. 87
    One of a million monikers says:

    I thought that was very good!

  88. 88
    By Passer (carrying a concrete block) says:

    Here- I’ve got just the thing to help you stop that foaming!

  89. 89
    Sally's Alley says:

    I got well bored last night!


  90. 90
    Ex Conservative Voter says:

    So basically, Dave “Big Society” Cameron, who would have us believe that “big government = bad, individual responsibility = good” wants to pry on everything we do, see and say, 24 hours per day, and ban us from looking at (hitherto perfectly legal) pictures and videos that we might find pleasing because he doesn’t like them?

    Three questions:
    1. When did he become Josef Stalin?
    2. Does he honestly really hand-on-heart believe that by carrying on like this he’ll win the next election?
    3. If 2. is “yes”, is he really that stupid?

  91. 91
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    So what Guido is now implying is that the Irish Republic is going to leave the eurozone and devalue not by returning to the Irish punt but rather by creating an Irish euro.

    I am very sorry about having to raise this but David Cameron has lent billions of my money to the Irish as part of a rescue package to keep the Irish in the Euro.

    His rationale was that we could not afford to stand by and let the Irish simply leave the Euro because we had traded with them and lent them so much money that the effect upon us would be unimaginable.

    Osborne too does not escape criticism. People are today saying he is ‘bonkers’ for wanting to publish peoples’ tax returns on line. For me I am more concerned that sch actions should make him ‘happy’. I would have thought creating 1.5 million real jobs in an expanding economy should make him so.

    In any event it is a relatively little publicised fact that since loaning the Irish buckets full of our money he has subsequently seen fit to reduce interest rate payments.

    Much better if the Press keep talking about an unsuccessful 35 year old graduate who wants to swim between two rowing boats on the Thames without mentioning hacking.

    Sometimes I think I am the only sane person around.

  92. 92
    Ah! Monika says:

    Guido, Neo, Cat, Nell, Sir Aston, Bill Quango et al ( even Billy?), Hitchens, Littlejohn, Carswell, Farage, and to boost the polls Clarkson.

    We have the making of a ” Justice and Liberty Party ”


  93. 93
    Ah! Monika says:

    Guido, Neo, Cat, Nell, Sir Aston, Bill Quango et al ( even Bil ly?), Hitchens, Littlejohn, Carswell, Farage, and to boost the polls Clarkson.

    We have the making of a ” Justice and Liberty Party ”


  94. 94
    Ah! Monika says:

    Just seen Telegraph. Thought you were taking it a step too far. Evidently there isn’t one.

  95. 95
    Gonk says:

    That is so offensive, to recover you have forced me to gorge on chocolate truffles.

  96. 96
    smoggie says:

    He’ll kill the whole idea and will be regarded as a hero. He’s not as daft as you like to think.

  97. 97
    A pragmatist says:

    Gallahway faces questions over his tax affairs.


    It seems it is true that the only time anyone is a genuine socialist is when he doesn’t have any money.

  98. 98
    Anonymous says:

    I wonder how the Israel haters at the BBC will run this story (if at all) on their website:


    ” Zionist Nazi State forces Ken & George to face questions over their tax affairs, perchance?”

  99. 99
    Ah! Monika says:

    Hackers bring down Home Office site
    MI6 next?

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    I thought most socialists did have a hole in the head. it’s where they get re-programmed if they go off message and start avoiding taxes which could otherwise benefit the poor and vulnerable, bless their little hears whoever they are.

  101. 101
    Crapita says:

    Keep giving us your tax money and stfu.

  102. 102
    this septic isle says:

    “Why do the commenters (sic) on ths blog waste time attacking each other when there are common enemies?”

    You just fucking knew a Canadian would never really ‘get’ this blog.

  103. 103
    More to the point says:

    The only time anyone is a genuine socialist is when he doesn’t have any money and wants to help himself to other people’s money because he can’t be bothered to earn any for himself.

  104. 104
    More to the point says:

    “Sometimes I think I am the only sane person around.”

    If you’re in Paris, you probably are.

  105. 105
    In need of a Headline says:

    Husband, 79, arrested for ‘killing his wife and eating her’ (but he claims it was self defence)

  106. 106
    David Camoron says:

    I don’t want to alarm you, but now might be a good time to calmly panic-buy some petrol.

  107. 107
    what's new pussycat? says:

    a cuпt with a punt, you just could not make it up….ooh I just did.

  108. 108
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The BBC says, there is only one version of the truth and it’s ours.

  109. 109
    An amateur lawyer says:

    Self defence against hunger?

  110. 110
  111. 111
    shadow of the colossus says:


  112. 112
    toss pots says:

    Billions of our money to help the Republic of Ireland apply a lower corporation tax rate than in Northern Ireland, and operate a much cheaper APD rate.
    Fucking madness.
    Give them money to be more competitive than UK companies

  113. 113
    clone of the week says:

    Grant Shapps … when I turned on the TV this morning, I thought for a moment I was looking and listening to Tony Blair.

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    On the contrary, you can only afford to be a socialist, if you have lots of other peoples money.

  115. 115
    JH says:

    The real entertainment begins when the ‘socialists’ have accrued some (other people’s) wealth after a few years of troughing.

    Just watch them fight tooth and nail to avoid ‘sharing’ any of that.

  116. 116
    early doors says:

    I don’t think Guido means to run the mod maliciously. The most likely explanation is that he just can’t be arsed to change it, the lazy, Guinness swilling get.

  117. 117
    Fish says:


  118. 118
    Fish says:

    and I watched Chucky a few minutes earler and knew I was looking and listening to drivel

    Never in the field of British politics has anyone used so many words, to hide his incompetence and to say so little.

  119. 119
    Dave is useless says:

    Pope’s on in a minute. Who believes this stuff?

  120. 120
    Revd. Phoney £rd Way B£iar, sanctimonious git and £iar, emoting and wiv stupid grin says:


    See! – proves how deeply embedded I am in everyone’s subconscious!

    You see me here! . . . you see me there! . . . you see me EVERYWHERE!

    Anyway, – must go!! Time to count up the old family piggy bank!

  121. 121
    Revd. Phoney £rd Way B£iar, sanctimonious git and £iar, emoting and wiv stupid grin says:

    Actually – the Father in Rome – he’s standing in for me!

  122. 122
    Drop a Daisy cutter on ITV says:

    Chucky was on Marr. Talks a lot of sense.

  123. 123
    The BBC says:

    We ARE naughty! – but you like us! – or you will! Vee hav vays ov making u like uz ! Heil!!

  124. 124
    David Camoron says:

    I had a choice; to give Ireland money so Ireland could be more competitive than Britain, or give India money so India could buy French jet-fighters.

    It was a tricky decision, so I decided.. to do both!!

    Mwa-ha ha ha ha ha haaa haah haaaaaaa!


  125. 125
    Anonymous says:

    Your friends, the Community Services Trust (CST), have made a complete fool of themselves and Theresa May over their allegations against Sheikh Raed Salah.
    You would do well to learn from this, Guido.


  126. 126
    Geoff, England (not Britain or 'United' KIngdom) says:

    What would a Con-UKIP coalition do to the BBC? If you think that might mean the end for the BBC (we should be so lucky), think again. The EUSSR’s Brit propaganda unit is a sacred cow that no politician would have the nerve to cull, even though such drastic action would be to everybody’s benefit. The best we can hope for is very timid, half-hearted ‘reforms’ and very isolated and slight reductions in the BBC’s spending.

  127. 127
    The Bible is Bunk says:

    Even the Pope doesn’t believe it.

    Nothing says “I’m an atheist” like the 6″ bu*llet-proof windows on the Pope-mobile.

  128. 128
    need for speed says:

    About 2 million evangelistic muzzies in the UK for a start.

  129. 129
    Thanks, pal. says:

    Look, we were all enjoying a nice quiet Sunday morning and then YOU went a ruined it by mentioning Theresa May.

  130. 130
    Mil.i.band says:

    Anyone got any ideas on what next weeks bandwagon will be ?

  131. 131
    Here's one I made earlier says:

    Not a daisy cutter, but I thought you might like this. Just think, “BBC TV Centre”.

  132. 132

    Many a true word spoken in truth.

  133. 133

    Have you tried Uterus and Vagina Rice Crispies?

  134. 134
    Nodrog Nworb says:

    Which Miliband do you refer to?

    Livingstone died in Africa.

  135. 135

    Have you tried Uterus and Vagina Rіce Crispies?

    If not, be careful to de-bot them first…

  136. 136
    How about this? says:

    Probably something to do with state-school teachers’ pensions not being eye-wateringly high enough, after a relatively short working life of not really doing much in the way of teaching anything.

  137. 137
    idiot squared watch says:

    Aren’t you being a bit previous, dismissing the idea of a god, which in essence just means the possibility of the existence a superior intelligence, what with you being the result of merely a million years of the evolution of the human cerebral cortex? Just a thought.

  138. 138
    Drop a Daisy cutter on ITV says:

    No I thought ITV with Cowell in it. Then I thought Downing Street.

  139. 139
    Ed Moribund (ethuarine Lithper) says:

    I do wifth yew wood all thtop taking the pith and do watt your getting paid for filling in my blankth theet of paper.
    Gotta run McCluthkey juth called to announce my next big inithiative ith a national Thrike

  140. 140
    Nodrog Nworb says:

    I feel back to front.

  141. 141
    How about this? says:

    I’d like the BBC if everyone who works for it (especially Jeremy Vine) did themselves in, Jonestown-style.

  142. 142

    sic itur ad astra
    (Thus you shall go to the stars.)
    Aeneid IX 641

  143. 143
    Guardian reader, foaming at the mouth says:

    I’m glad that the fine progressive BBC are excluding UKIP. The PM himself said they are RACIST. I support Ed Miliband and his plan to have the budget set by progressive Europeans. That is democracy. He will also work to continue the work Blair did enriching our cities with genetically superior non-white people.

  144. 144
    Here's one I made earlier says:

    How about Portcullis House and the Houses of Parliament?

  145. 145
    Tim Montgomerie's 10 inch black dildo says:

    Oh give over. Farage and his merry band of euro-troughers couldn’t win a single MP even on 11% of the vote. And let’s not mention the pollsters actually plugging UKIP in their question – like that doesn’t have an effect.

  146. 146
    The Bible is Bunk says:

    That would be 100 million years.

    No, I just think the Pope is not expressing much in the way of faith if he hides behind bullet-proof glass. He obviously doesn’t think ‘god’ will save him, and he also obviously thinks eternity in Heaven/paradise is best avoided at all costs.

  147. 147
    Kinky George says:

    To give someone a loan at a preferential rate of interest and then letting the recipient undercut those funding the loan is negligence.

  148. 148
    Jacqueline Smith says:

    Well it is not like she okayed an illegal search of parliament unlike that 2 Homes Secretary who lost her job over the illegal search of parliament.

  149. 149
    Not on the BBC says:

  150. 150

    Or This:

    Raiding whatever is left of the pension funds of those who took the care to be presumptuous enough to provide for their old age and redistributing the proceeds amongst those who are reliant upon the state.

    Extra payments for those of the religion of pеace, self-appointed clerics who advocate intimidation and violence, card-carrying communists, those who cannot afford to pay for their own drugs and drink, BBC and Guardian personnel, union leaders, Owen Jones, Fred Goodwin, retired Labour MPs and Lords, Alan Bleeding Sugar and any of the hundreds of limited partnerships with the word Windrush forming part of its title.

  151. 151
    British Citizen says:

    Loans most of the time get paid back whereas Britishireland which has always been a drain on the eXchequer receives an acknowledge £7 billion a year in subsidy and an unacknowledged £1 billion one from private industry.

  152. 152
    Drop a Daisy cutter on ITV says:

    I think Guido has listed this topic so we’ll become bored and dash out and buy the Sunday Star.

  153. 153
    Passing By says:

    Excellent SD!! Thanks for that, – engraved brass plaques should be set up on every lintel and door post in banks, offices, ‘UnCivil’ Service enclaves, Govt and Union HQs, Schools and every place the parasitical classes frequent, – oh, – and the EUSSR.

  154. 154
    There Is A May - or May NOT says:

    Will she actually DO something that makes a difference?

    Will pigs fly?

  155. 155
    The CJD in Argentinian Beef says:

    This is one reason why unemployment among the young is higher than other groups, as a large number of useless teachers are failing pupils. Try advertising a job and look at the calibre of the candidates who apply. Most school leavers these days cannot read, write or add up. Many are unemployable.

  156. 156
    Ex Conservative Voter says:

    TBH, I think he is as thick as I suspect. I also suspect the LibDims will kill the whole idea, making them look heroic and Dave look like a snooping authoritarian prat. Which, after all, is what he is.

  157. 157

    I don’t want to belong to any party that will accept people like me as a member.

  158. 158
    The CJD in Argentinian Beef says:

    Don’t worry, those hard-left owners of Labour, the UNITE union, are already planning a petrol crisis.

  159. 159
    annette curton says:

    The vintners price list is in my opinion a far more important subject for discussion than the latest Nasdak or Footsie quotations, 1 Euro = 0.824351549 British pounds, only €3.90 for a pint of draught stout, what are they complaining about over there?.

  160. 160
    Ex Conservative Voter says:

    She’s in the papers today, ordering judges to disallow foreign criminals from using the “I’ve got a cat/dog/family life” excuse to avoid deportation.

    Which means, as you infer, Europe*an Court rulings will continue to take precedence, the judges will ignore her, and useless May will shrug her shoulders and go back to shopping for yet more shoes.

  161. 161
    Jimmy Saville Ghost says:

    Now then now then now then what’s all this about lad?

  162. 162
    Jimmy Cricket says:

    He’s back in the old country meeting family and going on the pop.

  163. 163
    Ex Conservative Voter says:


    Muscular Liberal?

    Ahh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha he he he hee haaaa haaa ha haaa ha! Ha ha haaaa haaa ha haaa ha! HA ha haaaa haaa ha haaa he ha!

    You could describe the sallow-faced lentil-eating sandalista beardies of being many things, but muscular??

  164. 164
    The CJD in Argentinian Beef says:

    Chucka Urmoneyaround wouldn’t know sense if it bit him on the backside.

  165. 165
    annette curton says:

    Sorry but Theresa May seems to have a unique talent for proposing privatisations/legislations which are universally unpopular thus resulting after wasting much time and tax payers money in yet another ‘U’ turn. Is this the way forward?.

  166. 166
    BBC News says:

    We’ve just stated that the Titanic set sail 100 years ago today!

    When it didn’t ‘cos we’re a bunch of clueless wankers, the Titanic actually set sail from Southampton on 10 April 1912 and sunk 15 April 1912.

    But the facts never get in the way of a news report!

  167. 167
    Ex Conservative Voter says:

    So, like the rest of us, he’s not actually going to be buying the Daily Star Sunday either, then? I don’t exactly blame him.

  168. 168
    8i11y "brown nose" 8owd3n says:

    Oi, that’s my job.

  169. 169
    Ex Conservative Voter says:

    Imagine how different history would be if the Titanic had the less hyperbolic name of, say, RMS Petal.

  170. 170
  171. 171
    annette curton says:

    A.) The Titanic was a steam ship.
    B.) It was built by Harland and Wolf in Belfast not Southampton.
    Picky ?.

  172. 172
    idiot squared watch says:

    I don’t think the Pope puts much faith in the superstition that a god would actually step in to save anybody who would be stupid enough to put themselves in the path of a speeding bullet.

  173. 173
    Taxman says:

    It is being said that:

    Silveta donated the £19,202 to Labour in December to cover “staff costs”
    during Ed Miliband’s election campaign.

    Tax experts say he broke the rules by offsetting the gift against tax.

  174. 174
    annette curton says:

    The result would have been the same if it hit an ice cube.

  175. 175

    Sometimes a blind negativity means a sense of humour can desert one. This is one of those occasions.

  176. 176
    Radio 5 Labour says:

    You mean a thief, then.

  177. 177
    WVM says:

    Maybe, the phrase “set sail” is still in common use today even though there’s no sails to set. I don’t think anyone is disputing the Titanic was built in Belfast but it did ‘set sail’ on it’s maiden voyage from Southampton on the 10th of April 1912.

  178. 178
    Typical BBC says:


  179. 179
    Radio 5 Labour says:

    Looks more like another PR stunt to get their traditional voters to think they are being tough on crime, when we know they aren’t.

  180. 180
    Gonk says:

    A favourite some years ago. Most grateful advice wasn’t for
    pickled dill cucumbers.

  181. 181
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Ale’s not cheap in Ireland.

  182. 182
    Ed Balls fisted my hamster says:

    What, the stick insect? Now there’s a girl who looks like she could do with some hot meat inside her. Of course, down here in the affluent south we get the jugalicious Carol Kirkwood. http://schwarzehunde.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/carol_kirkwood_30.jpg Well, I woodxxxxwould.

  183. 183
    annette curton says:

    I was being rather disingenuous WVM, I also spelt Wolff wrong.

  184. 184
    The Easter Bunny says:

    Here’s a seasonal message for all you LibLabCon-artists out there :
    You are a bunch of self-serving crooks and traitors who have ruined your country for personal gain in the mistaken belief that your pay-masters and wanker-banker ‘friends’ will respect you for what you do.
    You treat ordinary people with utter contempt and expect them to swallow your lies whole while you steal and destroy their livelihoods. You have created a thieves’ paradise.
    Your hypocrisy knows no bounds. You claim that we live in a Democracy while you manipulate the media and deny us any meaningful choice. You are all the same.
    You know who you are – the back-stabbing Milipedes, the deficit-denying Go-Balls and all your henchmen were born evil and are beyond redemption – barmy Corporal Clegg, you and your opportunistic army of hand-wringing career parasites are no better – and as for Dave, the member for Twitney and your boy-friend Gideon, your arrogance is almost beyond belief; you refuse to listen to the voices of those you are supposed to represent and pursue an agenda to which the rest of us are not privy; you are complete frauds, flying under false colours.
    You all display a complete disregard for truth and honesty and say anything that you think will make you look good, however fleetingly.
    You cannot hide under your stones forever – the harsh light of truth will find you out and your kind will be treated like the vermin you are.
    Why don’t you do us all a big favour ?
    Easter is a time for new beginnings. Do the decent thing – RESIGN NOW and make way for people who actually care about this country. That especially means you, Dave – I’m sure you and Gideon will be very happy together somewhere else. (Don’t forget the safe word, Gideon.)
    Here’s something to remind all you LibLabCons of how much your country loves you :

                                     / ¯/
                                    /  /
                              /¯\  /  /
                             / /¯\/  /¯\
                            / /  /  /  /¯\
                           | (  )( )( )( )
                            \            /
                             \          /
                              \ . . . ./

    And to all those good people out there who know in their hearts what is right, who hate evil in all its forms and who still value love, truth and honesty : I wish you all a very happy Easter and a better future for you and your children.
    Stand up and be counted; you will overcome and be set free.
    Peace and love.

  185. 185
    David Wisteria says:

    This is the woman who has tossed off 100k of our money and yet there is precious little press coverage or investigation of the matter.

  186. 186
    Bluebottle says:

    When I retire I am going to spend all my money on me and hopefully die owing loads so they will not be able to tax me.

    Happy Easter to you all!

  187. 187
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Hmmm.. What are the expenses like?
    I got a private airport, disguised as a driveway and shed extension, from the current party system.

  188. 188
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Try the rich defence.

    He only killed and ate her because he had mental health issues and once cut his arm with a razor blade, indicating self harm. And a gang of black men made him do it.

  189. 189
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Three and a half euros for a cup of tea in Paris.
    Tastes like boiled rainwater soaked through the barman’s beret.

    Which it very well maybe.

  190. 190
    Archy Bishop of Canterbury says:

    It is um . . . traditional . . and . . er . . indeed . . incumbent upon me that . . I . . er . . deliver an . . Easter . . homily . . or . . um . . message . . . to the . . um . . . . . um . . people . . that . . inhabit . . this . . er . . land . . once . . I . . may . say .. that was . .inhabited by . .er. . and you . must . . um . .excuse . . me for um . . saying . . this . . but . . um . . inhabited . . by . . um . . Druids . . . but now . .I have to say . . thanks . . to . . um . .Mr Kevingstone . . soon . . to be a . . um . . Beacon of . . um . . Isl . . Is . . um . . . that world . . wide . .religion . . of a. . um . . peace . . and . . frankly . . .um . . . . .

    Ah! – the gong . . . lunch is served! . . . oh how lovely . . . ! I’ll offer a simple prayer for deliverance!

  191. 191
    jgm2 says:

    No pr*i*ce for cider = no cider.

    What kind of a fucking pub is it?

  192. 192
    Bill Quango MP says:

    You may have discovers a use for that east end stadium.

    The Liberal Olympics

    Tantrum throwing
    Hand wringing
    100 metre beard growing.
    Marathon finger wagging
    Long distance Carry of the guilt for colonisation
    Freestyle bed wetting
    Running from unpopularity
    Long jump into oblivion

  193. 193
    Left wing activist says:

    Look at all those rich tiffs drowning! Bet they had double barrelled names!

  194. 194
    annette curton says:

    Paramedic Slipped Discus.

  195. 195
    jgm2 says:

    I think its final port of call (before rendezvousing mid-Atlantic with an iceberg) was in Ir*el*and. So you could legitimately say that its final voyage started on the day it left Ir*el*and – 11 April.

  196. 196
    Emily Wilding Davison says:

    I don’t recommend it.

  197. 197
    jgm2 says:

    In fact it finally set sail from Cobh on 11th April 2012.

  198. 198

    Nice and p/eaceful these sundays.

    Reminds me of when Gordon was kicked out but refused to leave. He was held up in the siege house for a few days and the news was doing its nut.

    But in that period just afterwards there was no one in charge.
    No new initiatives.
    No new laws
    No new instructions on sitting so many centimetres away from an iPhone or storing charcoal brickettes in a fire proof safe.
    No new buzzwords or messages.
    No ministers explaining the latest master plan
    No opposition attacking the latest master plan
    No ministers then defending the latest master plan
    No junior ministers subsequently reversing most of the new master plan

    No sermons, lectures,taxes,instructions,advice,messages,recommendations,warnings,reports,or visions.

    No scandals,gaffes, cretinous comments, fatuous replies, time wasting waffle, sound bites, focus groups, media grids, getting the message across, wonk breakfasts, lobby briefing, on message, singing from the same spin sheet interviews.

    Just a quiet Sunday.

  199. 199
    Sir William Waad says:

    At least a Libertarian government would make the trains run whenever they exercised their inalienable freedom to run.

  200. 200
    Nicholas Parsons says:


  201. 201

    The HMSS Tragic ?

  202. 202
    jgm2 says:

    or indeed 1912.


  203. 203
    Sir William Waad says:

    A politician is never more innocently employed than when blagging somebody else’s money.

  204. 204
    Ken the crooked says:

    Starmer only re*ds the Law gospels according to St. Phoneytone & St.Mcmong, so there’s no chance of getting proper charges. He needs replacing.

  205. 205
    Sir William Waad says:

    See Matthew 4:5.

  206. 206
    barrowboy says:

    Jeasus Seamus. Don’t you know in Portugal a litre of beer in the Supermarket is
    89 centimos and in a bar ,a glass of 33 centilitres capacity is 90 centimos.
    I have given up drinking as running for a piss all the time is time consuming.
    Started drinking red wine at 50 centimos a tumblerfull. Got the same problem though.

  207. 207
    annette curton says:

    A very small window, a vision of Utopia, 13 months holiday a year for them all round I say and compulsory retirement at 16.

  208. 208
    Gawd Help Us says:

    With the added bonus that all the major stores are closed and I’ve somehow managed to survive to this time of day without needing Tesco. Who would have thought it eh?

  209. 209
    annette curton says:

    MSV Cocktail.

  210. 210
    Marmite says:

    I remember my Dad ranting on about the Windrush “SC” and him saying it was the thin edge of the wedge. How right he was.

  211. 211

    ‘Gordon Brown tendered his resignation gracefully and sounded very genuine when talking about his disdain for the trappings of power.’
    Guess which website that comes from.

  212. 212
    mardall says:

    Thank you Groucho, boom-boom!

  213. 213

    Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive, especially for Lord Young or Will Heaven!

  214. 214
    jgm2 says:

    ‘The Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown’?

  215. 215
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Well done you.

  216. 216
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Peter Hain’s website.

  217. 217
    When legend becomes fact print the legend says:

    AND just think…..If it had missed that iceberg and arrived safely Matthew Crawley would have remained a humble country solicitor never met Lady Mary or been the heir to the Earldom of Grantham and Downton Abbey…

  218. 218
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Here at the BBC history is re-written daily. We at the BBC believe in the “new truth”.

  219. 219
    Peter Pain says:

    A strong and assured statement.

  220. 220

    I understand that Rene Descartes was sitting at the same bar. The bartender came over and asked if he would like a cup of tea. I think not said Descartes who then immediately vanished.

  221. 221


    However, Jimmy performs a useful task in encouraging discourse here. Without him, you might actually have to pay someone to do it…

    Rule B: The socialist will always miss the opportunity.

  222. 222

    A rather generous wedge, I would have thought, Marmite.

    Of course, the accounting requirements are so opaque that we have no idea as to the amount, nor even the legality, of these monies.

  223. 223
    Lady Lucy Duff-Gordon, famous fashion designer of the 1910's says:

    Not me, at any rate. I survived, and was the defendant in a landmark US commercial law case five years later. My son of a bitch agent had the nerve to tell me I had no right to cut him out of deals I was able to make on my own without his help. Such impudent cheek! Wanting to glom on to money made through someone else’s efforts, because “it’s the law!”– why, he sounded just like the Labour Party!

  224. 224

    Groucho was more clubbable than I.

  225. 225
    Ken Livingscum says:

    Fancy that ! I have a newt called Ruth.

  226. 226
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Yes. and I’m sure that’s the closest you’ll get to the tRuth, Mr. Lyingscum.

  227. 227
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Stay away from the peanuts on the bar, Bill. A few years ago, an analysis of a swab taken from such a bowl of peanuts found six different strains of urine.

  228. 228
    men of steel says:

    Ulster have just sunk Munster.

  229. 229
    CCHQ says:

    Dear “Easter Bunny”,

    Thank you for your recent correspondence to David Cameron. We regret that we have not been able to forward your suggestions to him for the following reason(s):

    You have not paid him £250,000 to listen to you.

    We would like to thank you once again for taking the time to write.

    Yours sincerely,
    The Conservative Party.

  230. 230
    How Order Order has been ruined says:

    Soyou want Ireland to default now, I suppose Neo-Guido ?

    Thoroughly honest as usual

    And others must pay for the madness of the Irish ?

    Sonds like Greece all over again…

  231. 231
    ah says:

    UTOPIA = A19OTU in your rear view mirror

  232. 232
    Biffo says:

    On the contrary, I think you’re eminently clubbable.

  233. 233
    if socialism is the answer, what was the question? says:

    District 12 of The United States of Europe, in what used to be called Great Britain, 2097 AD.

  234. 234

    Didn’t see that Susan Boyle was on.

  235. 235
    (fingers crossed) says:

    Try it as a thought experiment.

  236. 236

    You would have to get off your fat arse and find me so I won’t lose any sleep over that.

  237. 237
    a mong says:

    I agree with Cat.

  238. 238

    Dear GCHQ CCHQ

    Next time you see Dave, please tell him to go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.

    Yours most sincerely


  239. 239
    Biffo says:

    It’s an open invitation to all who may be interested is all.

  240. 240
    Rockefellers exposed says:

  241. 241
    Billyboy says:

    Overgrown children playing in boats. What a load of of old crap.

  242. 242

    The problem with dualism is that it becomes unclear if God will win in the end – He may turn out to be you…

  243. 243
    Roger Mellie says:

    There are now plans to spy on the emails, social networking and internet history of honest, law-abiding citizens. This police state blueprint emanates from the EU, specifically the Internal Security Strategy, launched on the quiet by their home affairs commissioner Cecilia Malmström in November 2010.

    Member states are now in the process of testing the water for the Eurocrats’ brave new Gestapo Khazi. The groundwork for this massive expansion of intrusive state power began in 2008 with the European Security Strategy, ostensibly formulated to combat terrorism and cyber-crime.

    Malmström unveiled a Cyber Crime Centre which has already begun setting up a Europe-wide monitoring operation. It’s actually housed in a former Nazi secret police HQ in the Hague.

    Richard North suggests that EuroPol may have their eyes on GCHQ as the permanent home for Big Brother HQ: “This is how the EU pork-barrel works. A member state happily works away developing EU policy, apparently unilaterally, all to provide a template which the EU can then adopt. The reward comes with the allocation of an agency or EU facility and the cash that comes with it.”

    Every day George Orwell looks less like a great novelist and more like an uncannily accurate prophet. The only thing that cheers me up about the whole caper is the thought of some spook having to wade through Jedward’s emails…

  244. 244
    mrs hudson says:

    Or, as we know it around these parts, Highclere Castle.

  245. 245

    There maybe someone out there who understands your pidgin.

  246. 246

    Have you considered the priesthood?

    Subtlety is not so handy there.

  247. 247
    (fingers crossed) says:

    You see, you just can’t avoid creating dualism’s every time you posit something. Give it up for the sake of the kids ffs.

  248. 248
    English Liberation Front says:


    They are fucking traitors – all of them.

  249. 249

    Heterogeneity has become legal now.

  250. 250
    English Liberation Front says:

    Group hugging
    Teddy bears and flowers placement
    Clegg Celebration Cup U-Turn trials test
    Lycra and dick-helmet street cycling (open to wankers only)

  251. 251
    a mong says:

    you’re about as subtle as the box of kleenex sitting to your right.

  252. 252
    The Only Way is Phonnex says:

    Perhaps in the Republic they’ve been teaching the so called new phonetics way of reading for years ( whilst Gove is just thinking of it ).

    Makes sense of course — that way for example legal tender of the country can easily/conveniently be mistaken for a request for liquid sustenance ( Punt / Pint — geddit ).

  253. 253
    Heterogeneity vs non Heterogeneity says:

    Schrödinger’s cat has a problem grasping infinity.

  254. 254
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    So the BBC is given exclusive access to North Korea and a missile launch. Now why would the communists in North Korea think the BBC is a reliable news outlet to get their message out?

    Could it be the fawning the BBC has done for 13 years over their beloved Gordon Brown the other ‘great leader’?

  255. 255
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Any on a good news point give Cameron some brains for keeping out of Syria despite the BBC.Sky (especially hag face Alex Crawford) and ITV cheerleading for yet another western intervention.

    Perhaps Alex ‘the mong’ Crawford wants to win yet another shitty award paid for by the blood of our servicemen?

  256. 256
    Yates.."Of the Yard" says:

    Islamic Movement in Israel leader Sheikh Raed Salah flew to Britain in June, despite an order from Home Secretary Theresa May banning him over his political activities. He was detained, held for three weeks and released on bail.

    The Palestine Solidarity Campaign said Sunday that Salah received a letter from Britain’s Upper Immigration Tribunal saying his detention was “entirely unnecessary” and that his appeal has succeeded “on all grounds.”

  257. 257
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    “Windrush” Do you refer to the steamship which brought the first load of darkies to this once white country?

  258. 258
    fruitcake says:

    Ah yes, Grauniad Raider, I see you have “honest” Ken getting free electoral promotion now


    Like the article title, f%c&ing Grauniad

  259. 259
    Biffo says:

    Yeah, eminently clubbable, as I said before.

  260. 260
    Terrytory says:

    Do you mean SAINT Oliver Plunkett?

  261. 261
    Terrytory says:

    Dear Judge Judge..

    The Loony Swimmer is actually an Aussie Loony.
    As if we didnt have enough loons of our own, we now import them from the Billabong.

  262. 262
    A Doktor writing, says:

    You have omitted the raison d’être, the summit, pinnacle and most favoured of all bien pensant socialist and limpid dim maladies, namely, DEPRESSION and STRESS-RELATED long term sickness. Now there surely must be an opening for a competition based on this, – open only to the hand-wringing, wailing, whining, group-think, PC / BBC / Grouniad Reading LieBore scum.

  263. 263
    Three cheers for the Chums says:

    ‘its maiden voyage’ if you want to be correct.

    It’s so simple, ‘it’s’ = ‘it is’, while the possesive pronoun is ‘its’, like ‘his’.

    Even so, thanks for the info.

    What happened to the iceberg, did it survive.

  264. 264
    Archy Bishop of Canterbury says:

    I am told that . . um . . my Easter . message . . did not reach the um . . . target of my interest . . the world . . wide . . readership of . . um .. Mr . . um Fawkes . . and a colleague informs me. . it . . er . . is . . um . . because I might have inad . . um verdantly . . mentioned ŗǐċē and þëáŝ . . . I . . must . . um say . . I did not mean to . . but my colleague insists it must be . . um so . . so . . here is my . . message again . .

    It is um . . . traditional . . and . . er . . indeed . . incumbent upon me that . . I . . er . . deliver an . . Easter . . homily . . or . . um . . message . . . to the . . um . . . . . um . . people . . that . . inhabit . . this . . er . . land . . once . . I . . may . say .. that was . .inhabited by . .er. . and you . must . . um . .excuse . . me for um . . saying . . this . . but . . um . . inhabited . . by . . um . . Druids . . . but now . .I have to say . . thanks . . to . . um . .Mr Kevingstone . . soon . . to be a . . um . . Beacon of . . um . . Isl . . Is . . um . . . that world . . wide . .religion . . of a. . um . . Þéäčë. . and . . frankly . . .um . . . . .

    Ah! – the gong . . . dinner is served! . . . oh how lovely . . . ! I’ll offer a simple prayer for deliverance!

  265. 265
    Jazz Mine Halibut Brhoon says:

    I discern that you are all becoming socialist!

  266. 266
    Three cheers for the Chums says:

    More than four score and seven days ago our forechums brought forth a new Chummery, so that we here highly resolve that Government of the Chums, by the Chums, and particularly for the Chums shall not perish from the earth.

    So there !

  267. 267
    BBC PR Dept says:

    Please be sure to watch our reconstruction of the Titanic tragedy on BBC next Sunday when we will be commemorating the loss of 1500 souls and examining the part played by 37 Conservative MPs who managed to turf women and children out of their lifeboats to save themselves.

    The production, made by the award winning Newsnight team*, will climax with the discovery that David Cameron conspired with his filmaker brother James to arrange for the sinking in order to benefit from the £1bn proceeds of a disaster movie. We will also disclose that David cameron once had dinner with his wife.

    Our most amazing exposure will be the role that Margaret Thatcher played in the sinking, obtained from newly discovered CCTV footage from the bridge of the Titanic on the niight of the sinking.

    *’The Tories and the Titanic’ is a joint BBC / Guardian / Livingstone Media production and will be followed by expert analysis from Ed Miliband and Owne Jones.

  268. 268
    smoggie says:

    Th UKIP represent the people who want toleave the Eu. 11 % max. and no more. They have no other policiies.

  269. 269
    Father Jethro says:

    85 … but as, no doubt, all three Godparents were Baptised and Confirmed members of the Church of the Church of England, any difficulty is merely one of location.

  270. 270

    Ah! But Karl Pilkington and I are only pretending.

    You really mean it.

  271. 271

    OK. Let’s start off another dualism:

    Heisenberg happened to be sitting at the same bar. After Descartes vanished in a puff of smoke, the bartender said to him Did you see that?

    Heisenberg replied I can’t be certain.

  272. 272

    C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-combo breaker!

  273. 273

    Your image is reversed – as usual.

  274. 274
    Jethro says:

    … or R.M.S. ‘Quite-small-really’…

  275. 275
    a mong says:


  276. 276
    and the barman's name was legion says:

    Soooo boring! I don’t know why I fucking bother with you sometimes.

  277. 277
    Al Jethro says:

    258 No: the iceberg ‘went down with all hands': it was an inconvenient truth.

  278. 278
    Maximus says:

    Seeing as they are now almost certainly fleeing the rabid socialist Gillard, we could charge an admission fee and turn a profit.

  279. 279

    Carl Sagan walked in. The bartender asked him Can you believe it? All these famous people are in this bar right now? Sagan responded No – there must be billions and billions of bars out there.

  280. 280
    Biffo says:

    The only combo I’m interested in is a right/left to your physog.

  281. 281

    I don’t know why I fucking bother with you sometimes

    Because it was your choice.

  282. 282
    BBC Spinners for the Seventies says:

    This will be followed by our series glorifying the Seventies.

    The wondrous Seventies when all was so cleverly crafted, creative, liberated and cutting edge, as well as a bit of Drugs, Sex, Debauchery, Inflation and Strikes. The most significant decade in all history, before it was destroyed by dark forces which will not be named, but strongly hinted at.

  283. 283

    OK get off your pussy, purulent, festering arse then or STFU.

  284. 284
    and the barman's name was legion says:

    Yeah, what a bummer.

  285. 285
    Marion the cat says:

    I was looking for the right place to put my comment. Heaven forbid that it looks like I might be agreeing with something that you have said.

    But yes you are right they did have dual pricing, much as they hate the Euro at the moment, never forget, they hate the English more, so any replacement would not be called the Punt or feature the Sterling ‘Libra’.

  286. 286
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    Is Trenton Oldfield going to become the new peter hain?

  287. 287
    inside- out says:

    If he is working here he needs work permit, if he doesn’t have one Deport him.

  288. 288
    Marion the cat says:

    Don’t pick on the Canadian, he doesn’t walk our streets and surely his interest in our right-of-centre views is to be encouraged/applauded. He could be trawling CIF otherwise. If he learns the reasons behind some of our views then, so much so good, then perhaps the word spreads.

  289. 289
    Marion the cat says:

    Not forgetting Gillard is ****ing Welsh.

  290. 290
    Is Dave worse than Heath says:

    To be discussed to the tune of ‘Lloyd George knew my father’.

  291. 291
    Boudicca says:

    Send the privileged Aussie c-nt back where he came from.

  292. 292

    ***laughing @ Al Jethro***

  293. 293
    Biffo says:

    ooh, I’m scared.

  294. 294

    @Jimmy (if he’s still lurking tonight.)

    The quaity of Labour trolling has taken a nosedive rather greater than the dear leader’s popularity ratings.

    Do you have any input here? If so, please can you do something about it? Suggest that you increase the minimum age from 12.



  295. 295
    Fartypants says:

    “Tax is a distraction in the London mayoral race” says Ken Livingstone.

    The Guardian are always happy to oblige their candidate by looking the other way when he shits himself in public.


  296. 296

    Comments off until 09:00

    Wonder why?

  297. 297
    South of the M4 says:

    Happy for that…. provided we can get rid of the ‘old’ Peter Hain first. I live 40 miles from Hain and I can still hear the twat.

  298. 298
    ffs! says:

    They have the same ModBotty crap as this place?

  299. 299
    Gordon Brown says:

    liver sausage makes me heave

  300. 300
    Well it's a thought says:

    Of course he would say that, he shone the searchlight at Boris hoping to catch him in the beam but, but Boris had a mirror and reflected it back to Kenny the stupid, he should have kept his gob shut and no would have known what real piece of crap he really is.

  301. 301
    Bіlly Bоwdеn іs thе Grеаtеst Umpіrе еvеr ! says:

    To be fair, she has slimmed down a bit.

  302. 302
    ffs! says:

    Ah yes, a circle jerk… just how is this different from the c’unts ‘we’ have in place just now?

  303. 303

    CiF ≡ Censorship is Frequent

  304. 304
    Joe says:

    Typical Guardian who’s at all surprised. Their funding is slipping away along with their small readership, unless subsidised it’ll die a slow death.

  305. 305
    A liver sausage says:

    The feeling is mutual.

  306. 306
    Roger Mellie says:

    “Bundesbank … put a restraining order on Merkel. That means she can’t touch a dime. That means that all of these deals are done. That means there won’t be bailouts. I’m looking for some fun and games in Europe. …”

  307. 307
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    So now it turns out Apple pays next to fuck all in taxes in the UK. Will Owen Jones and all the other Apple fan boys on the left who love Apple products be sticking the boot in?

    Will the mongs who run the Guardian be pointing out Apple’s dodge?


    The Guardian happily put the boot into Amazon so will the left now put the boot into the leftists favourite product?


  308. 308
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Gordon Brown must be gutted. The North Koreans are going to launch a bomb..sorry satellite that will broadcast speeches from the great leader.

    Gorgy must be kicking himself he tried to launch a few Nokia’s into orbit and the odd secretary but he never thought about wasting a few billion on the Gordon Brown satellite.

    Perhaps it could have been more jobs for Scottish workers funded by English taxes?

  309. 309

    Thank you, Sir William!

    It was Samuel Johnson whose quotation I was struggling with yesterday.

    There is nothing quite as innocent as a man in pursuit of Dr Johnson sayings when they are so badly misquoted on the net.

  310. 310

    I like to look after my mate Red Ed.


  311. 311
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

    British jobs for British workers !

  312. 312
    Jimmy says:

    To use a sporting analogy, we can only play what’s in front of us.

  313. 313

    I have just been on the phone to friends in two countries in West Africa. They tell me that the food prices there have rocketed, as indeed ours have. One reason is the push to alternative fuel grown as crops. This is subsidised by rich countries like ours. But the effect has been to reduce supply of foodstuffs thus forcing prices up.

    EU regulations have long been in place to prevent the old food mountains building up. They pay farmers not to grow. This has reduced production and therefore supply which has helped to drіve prices up.

    Oil prices have risen thus adding to the expense of ploughing, planting, harvesting and distribution. Guess what? That has also helped to drіve prices up.

    So we are paying much more for food than we need to due to barmy EU/government policies when we could grow more and bring prices down.

    It is bad enough for us. But for the many in Africa who are on subsistence income or less, we stand to witness the reurn of mass starvation.

    Our reckless governments have conspired to bring this about. It is a scandal.

  314. 314

    І hаvе just bееn оn thе phоnе tо frіеnds іn twо cоuntrіеs іn Wеst Аfrіcа. Thеy tеll mе thаt thе fооd prіcеs thеrе hаvе rоckеtеd, аs іndееd оurs hаvе. Оnе rеаsоn іs thе push tо аltеrnаtіvе fuеl grоwn аs crоps. Thіs іs subsіdіsеd by rіch cоuntrіеs lіkе оurs. But thе еffеct hаs bееn tо rеducе supply оf fооdstuffs thus fоrcіng prіcеs up.

    ЕU rеgulаtіоns hаvе lоng bееn іn plаcе tо prеvеnt thе оld fооd mоuntаіns buіldіng up. Thеy pаy fаrmеrs nоt tо grоw. Thіs hаs rеducеd prоductіоn аnd thеrеfоrе supply whіch hаs hеlpеd tо drіvе prіcеs up.

    Оіl prіcеs hаvе rіsеn thus аddіng tо thе еxpеnsе оf plоughіng, plаntіng, hаrvеstіng аnd dіstrіbutіоn. Guеss whаt? Thаt hаs аlsо hеlpеd tо drіvе prіcеs up.

    Sо wе аrе pаyіng much mоrе fоr fооd thаn wе nееd tо duе tо bаrmy ЕU/gоvеrnmеnt pоlіcіеs whеn wе cоuld grоw mоrе аnd brіng prіcеs dоwn.

    Іt іs bаd еnоugh fоr us. But fоr thе mаny іn Аfrіcа whо аrе оn subsіstеncе іncоmе оr lеss, wе stаnd tо wіtnеss thе rеturn оf mаss stаrvаtіоn.

    Оur rеcklеss gоvеrnmеnts hаvе cоnspіrеd tо brіng thіs аbоut. Іt іs а scаndаl.

  315. 315
    Trigger says:

    His vitals must be on here somewhere, least in widescreen..


  316. 316

    I doubt that Alex Ferguson would accept that as an answer from his players.

  317. 317

    Which way was the Titanic sailing when Thatcher ordered her sunk?

  318. 318
    not a machine says:

    A happy easter , to all . I was beginning to wonder if Mr Trenton Oldfield wasnt some sort of devout of the Titanic , whilst blogging has created many new forms of protest , it is hard for me to comprehend jumping into the Thames to stop a rowing race , was supposed to signify , uni athletic competition isnt really as elitest as some sports , whatever next bog snorkeling …..
    It wasnt perhaps much of break , James Lansdale offering a different line in questioning on some of the topical matters as the warm up for the elections .
    The ecnomic trashing by the last labour goverment has left the landscape littered with half baked thinking , its a struggle sometimes just to tot up the liabilities .
    The PM is to hold a green energy summit (which seems to me ,to be recognition that an improved plan is needed) , it cannot be helped that after a decade of strange lobbying that the time has arrived to consider what the best approaches may be . On shore wind is unpopular , as is Nuclear and now it seems certain kinds of incineration . Getting to grips with all the technological aspects , let alone the political ones is important in planning for energy costs and investement . I personally think it is solvable , but it eludes to a manufacturing economy that can make goods that can be recycled properly , as the other side of the equation . Incineration is an alternative to landfill , both approaches to disposing of waste have problems , but those problems do not dimish unless you consider what is best .Generally although with some rather unfortunate scientific hsitories , as a country we have useually corrected pollution dangers where obvious public health has occured . I hope it generates some of the thinking that is needed , without it seeming like some sort of ecnomic reducer , the summit is to be about energy , fairenough that is the more pressing , but the other aspect of materials science and safe recycling , then going on to determin what materials and products can contribute is a bit more involved . We once thought bio degradable plastics were the way forward , now we think recyclable plastics have more potential in part because we dont want to burn them , why cannot there be an approach that puts materials in use that reduce waste cost , as you can do somthing else safely with them .

  319. 319
    not a machine says:

    There is quite a bit of wonk science about bio fuels , my favourite dire one liner was “put some sunshine in your tank” making the case the fuel was solar derived (true) , but not really telling you about energy inputs and outputs , to get that gallon of sunshine into your car tank . not forgetting the claim of saving the forest , when swathes of tropical forest was cleared to plant the stuff , let alone some of the more con artist crop jobs where yields were mysteriously a lot lower than expected .
    The food fuel argument was never really handled properly by the last government , there trusty wonky calculator (free lobbiest gift) never did answer some of the wonk that emanated , I get all steamed up just thinking about some of the wonk that came out of labour , curiously I think M the younger was an energy minister …… perhaps he will tell us all how we were going to pay for our food in some of the things he signed off

  320. 320
    albacore says:

    What does Parliament do that is not a scandal?
    Can you name one thing it can actually handle?
    Now, of course, that presumes that they’re working for us
    But we’re stuck with no-hopers who don’t give a cuss
    After all these years getting no satisfaction
    That can’t just be cock-ups. It’s enemy action

  321. 321
    Marmite says:

    Yes ‘can’t be arsed’. Bleeding brilliant ide* wasn’t it?!

  322. 322
    Archer Karcher says:

    What a load of shite, when ignoring facts and lying is all you have it’s best not to shout your mouth off in front of people who can actually think numbnuts. Here are some facts,



    11% eh? Twat.

  323. 323
    smoggie says:

    Then why didn’t they change the name when they had the chance in the decades before the Euro.

  324. 324
    smoggie says:

    ..there goes another of me ribs.

  325. 325
    Hannibal from Carthage says:

    Will the Prosecutor be asking for an extradition order to protect uk citizens from this person?

    Remember one innocent student has spent time in hospital as a result of this person’s actions. Will the Prosecutor be seeking a compensation order?

    As on his own admission this person intends to carry out similar acts in future I trust that bail will be opposed so that law abiding citizens are a little safer when they are out in public.

  326. 326
    Bank holiday washout says:

    The head bobbing in the Thames belonged to an Aussie.

  327. 327
    Trenton Oldfield says:

    Well done to Trenton Oldfield for protesting at elitism on saturday. He first came to my notice when he disrupted the selection convention of the Labour party where upper class twit Jacqui Dromey who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth was chosen ahead of a local woman with local knowledge all because Jacqui D went to Saint Pauls school for Girls what r upper class.

    Well done Trenton well done!

  328. 328
    jgm2 says:

    but he never thought about wasting a few billion on the Gordon Brown satellite.

    What would you call the 3bn quid a year given to the BBC to proclaim his genius during the Imbecility?

  329. 329
    jgm2 says:

    ‘Kin’ell. They have an even lower effective tax rate than Ken Livingston.

  330. 330
    jgm2 says:

    He’s getting caned in the comments though.

    But, in your heart of hearts, you know that the bedwetters will still hold their nose and vote for him.

    Integrity? What’s that then?

  331. 331
    jgm2 says:

    I bet that’s what you were saying to each other when George Galloway snuck up behind you with a sock full of snooker balls.

    Did somebody say ‘safe seat’?

  332. 332
    jgm2 says:

    Indeed it is a scandal. But it’s the green agenda to annihilate 90% of the human race so West Africa’s as good a place to start as any.

  333. 333
    Jimmy says:

    I’ve already congratulated you on that. No need to milk it. If you’re waiting for me to salute your indefatigabilty don’t hold your breath.

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers