April 2nd, 2012

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View


  1. 1
    Unknown says:

    Is that s@@t he’s pouring on himself?

  2. 2
    S London says:

    His comments were perfectly reasonable. All this reveals in the stupidity of some of the public, not of ministers.

  3. 3
    Distraught master & commander says:


    This is more important than yesterday’s news on tories

  4. 4
    Sky's Peter Poofter says:

    it’s me

  5. 5
    Dudley Zoo says:

    HP sauce?

  6. 6
    Well it's a thought says:

    Shame the idiot opened his mouth and proved to everybody he is an idiot, how come he’s back I would have thought he would have retired years ago, too many has been nucon politicians bringing back taxes that failed years ago like the pasty tax, it seems to me that even the nucons are trawling the bottom of the bins for “talent”.

  7. 7
    smoggie says:

    As everyone knows, petrol is a muddy brown colour.

  8. 8
    MB. says:

    And senior Labour politicians who grossly distorted what he said – one said on Friday that he told people to buy as many Jerry cans as they could get and fill them up with petrol to store at home.

  9. 9
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    I don’t recall him telling people to set fire to themselves , or did i miss something ?

  10. 10
    judgejudy says:

    we need the tags below to work out how it is….. ????

    labour take a kicking in bradford – yet this blog (is it labour list now) attacks the gov???

  11. 11
    simon says:

    The reality is that people are fick nowadays. Maude did nout wrong to say to people GET PREPARED for a strike. He cannot be held responsible for twats putting petrol in Tupperware or Coke bottles, or some dim bint oop North setting herself on fire. Think of us who have to deal with ‘The Public’ in our jobs where the stupidity on display amongst the populace is staggering.

  12. 12
    Well it's a thought says:

    Just had a look at G’s seen elsewhere , John Redwoods blog, seems little Johnny is also getting his arse kicked a bit, the nu cons seem to be rebeling I see difficulties ahead for our so call uconned us party, 2015 seems to be getting further away.

  13. 13
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Again, the BBC were showing people filling jerrycans BEFORE Maude said a word, funny that the BBC forgets that.

  14. 14
    misterned says:

    Everyone is attacking the Government for tying up that poor woman, dousing her in petrol and setting fire to her. It was an extremely cruel thing to do.

    Or, listening to the media, one may be forgiven for thinking that this is what happened. In reality she is a fucking idiot who almost killed herself through gross stupidity.

  15. 15
    Why Ball-Scooper? says:

    Good to high-lte the confident and assured performance of Y. Balls on Mar yesterday, real leader potential, so reasonable.

    Nasty little boy.

  16. 16
    Dilligaff says:

    When did Maggie self-immolate? I thought the Führerin of blessed memory was very much still with us, in body at least.

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    The most important news is GB being turned into a Police state!
    But since Geedo is now a Sayanim to the chosen ones, he welcomes internet snooping rights on everyone.

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    I will not mind him doing to himself but he did it to the public.

  19. 19
  20. 20

    Lefty testiculators are up early this morning

  21. 21
    misterned says:

    Was that story true? I thought it was an April Fools joke. FUCK!

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    The idiot is the minister not the women for listening to ministers advise.

    This is why people like you are out of touch and nasty like the Cameron Conservatives.

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    You cannot get nasty out of you it is in your DNA, this is why you will always vote the the nasty once.

  24. 24


    This irony is so sharp, you could cut warm butter with it.

  25. 25
    Mr Curious says:

    @ anonymous

    Firstly, it’s “woman” (singular) and it’s “advice” (not with an ‘s’).

    Basic English lesson out of the way, could you give us a link to the minister’s advice? The bit where he advised her to decant petrol in her kitchen, in front of a lit stove? The bit where the minister said to her, “forget what you learned at school, it’s actually fine and dandy to have flames AND highly flammable liquid sloshing around, close together. In your home.”

    That would be great, thanks.

  26. 26
    Sir William Waad says:

    Living in the countryside, I prefer to use red diesel from my own storage tanks. One merely has to be careful when, bleaching it for non-agricultural use, not to corrode the engine of the Bentley.

  27. 27
    WHAT A WANKER says:

    It’s a bit worrying that there are people that think like you !
    are our soliders fucking idiots for treading on IED’s after being told not to ?

    what a wanker !

  28. 28
    Sir William Waad says:

    What’s good for Goldmans is good for us muppets.

  29. 29
    Taxfodder says:

    Sort of…. except only a complete moron would seriously follow govenment advice.

    And if proof were needed look at past Governments performance over the last 30 years…you would hardly employ them to see your children safely across the road now would you…….?

    Governments on the whole make laws for the conveinience of government “the public” only gets to dance when they say…..enjoy!

  30. 30

    Perhaps he should have done. I could offer a list of candidates but no doubt someone would then accuse me of race hate.

    Oh bollocks! See if I care. We’ll start off with Abu Qatada.

    *Morning sir*

  31. 31
    Sir William Waad says:

    Francis Maude
    Proved to be a fraud.
    Cans fo petrol in the garage
    Make less sense than Nigel Farage.

  32. 32
    The Catholic Church says:

    People setting fire to themselves is the deadly sin of suicide. People setting fire to other people is a blessed act of faith.

  33. 33
    The Labour Party says:

    We’re not nasty. Not at all.

    We only started an illegal war and killed 160,000 men, women and children. Working-class people. Families. Dead.

    Because of us and our lies.

    Not nasty. Not at all.

  34. 34
  35. 35
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Mornin mate, trust you are well ?

  36. 36

    I’m holding.

    (FAOD That is a financial stance – not a sexual one.)

  37. 37
    Mr Curious tells it like it is says:

    There’s a minor difference between (a) an IED hidden at the side of a road, and (b) a kitchen with a flame on the hob, burning away, and a thick woman who thinks, “hey, this is a great time and place to open a petrol can and pour some of it into a jug”?

    Is there not?

    One is like – war, and the other is, like, a thick woman who ignores all of her education (and all common sense) and decants highly flammable petrol IN FRONT OF A FUCKING FLAME.

    Don’t lay the blame at the minister’s feet, you Labour mong.

    The woman is to blame.

    End of.

  38. 38
    WHAT A WANKER says:

    Lets hope your mother doesn’t spill her bottle of meths on her candle !

  39. 39
    Mr Curious says:


    There’s a subtle difference, is there not? Between an hidden IED by the roadside, and a can of petrol next to a kitchen oven?

    One is like – war, and the other is, like, a thick woman who ignores all of her education (and all common sense) and decants highly flammable petrol, in front of a flame.

    Don’t lay the blame at the minister’s feet, you Labour mong.

    The woman is to blame.

    End of.

  40. 40
    a non says:

    Daddies’sauce at dawn?

  41. 41
    Mr Curious says:


    There’s a subtle difference, is there not? Between an hidden IED by the roadside, and a can of petrol next to a kitchen oven?

    One is like – war, and the other is, like, a thick woman who ignores all of her education (and all common sense) and decants highly flammable petrol, in front of a flame.

    Don’t lay the blame at the minister’s feet.

    The woman is to blame.

    End of.

  42. 42
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Does anybody on here still really think that Call me Dave can win the next election

  43. 43

    Top form, mate. I’ve got a great hand here.

    I’ll raise you by a Abu Muhammad al-Maqdisi…

  44. 44
    Hatedbythedailymail says:


    And so it begins. A private Condem police force, whose principles are based solely on shareholders and profit.

    Well, I suppose at least they have stopped the bare faced lying about their intentions for public services.

  45. 45
    Ed Balls says:

    I also clearly remember the Tory-scum minister telling women all over the country to splash petrol all over their kitchens while they’re cooking tea.

  46. 46
    Widescreen2010 says:


  47. 47
    misterned says:

    Anonymous, do you consider decanting highly flammable fuel near a lit flame to be a reasonable and sensible thing to do? Or a fucking stupid thing to do?

    Your obvious hatred for the tories does NOT suddenly make a fucking stupid thing into a rational sensible thing.

    The Minister did not tell people to decant fuel near naked flames. That idiotic decision was taken entirely by the woman herself. In this regard she was NOT following the minister’s advice.

  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    WHAT A WANKER says:

    You should ask the question; are our solders fucking idiots for following the orders of politicians?

  49. 49


    is projecting

    Stand Clear

  50. 50
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    I read the other day that petrol sales increased by 173% since Francis Maude’s slip/tip.

    Think of all the tax that brings in for the Government.

  51. 51
    misterned says:

    I do not vote nasty as I have never voted labour. They are the really nasty party.

  52. 52
    A Pasty-faced Plonker Posing as PM, - still desperate to show he’s ‘In Touch’ with ‘The People’ says:

    I say chaps!! I’ve had another simply wizard idea!!

    Suppose I give a really super-strong speech saying how much we’ve given to our favourite scams? – O/S AID, EUSSR, Wind Farms, – People who Shouldn’t Be Here – stuff like that? – watt?

  53. 53
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    As I said below – not that much of an idiot.

    The extra tax revenue must be huge.

  54. 54
    Frightened Inmate #2 says:

    Of course he can provided Ed Miliband is still Labour leader.

  55. 55
    misterned says:

    Like I said, the date on that article: 01 Apr 2012. I do not know if it is an April fools article or not.

  56. 56
    An UnCivil Civil Servant in the Tax Office says:

    oooohh – luverly!

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    This is why people in government are called “our country’s leaders”.

    If we start calling them “our country’s buffoons” then you can blame the woman for following the minister’s advice.

  58. 58
    The EUSSR Thought Police near you says:

    Watch it mate! – we’re watching every word you write – and we know where you live!

    Penalties include re-edyerkashun innit!

  59. 59
    Terrorists are set free anyway, so what's the point? says:

    It’s true. The government are going to monitor all of our internet usage, and all our emails. To better enable them to catch terrorists (who will then be given police protection, no doubt, like Abu Quatada). Cart before horse, Camoron?

    This will, of course, cost (us) lots of money. There is, however, a flaw in the government’s plan. And because our government isn’t tech-savvy (qv all the failed government IT projects over the last 20 years), that hole is rather big indeed.

    Here it comes.. are you ready? Here’s how to reduce the government’s expensive new online spy legislation to a pile of useless crap in the time it takes to copy and paste..


    And *pop* there goes the government’s plan.

    Now, if only Camoron would only dedicate his time to sorting out the deficit.

  60. 60
    A LAugh A DAy keeps something away says:

    Good one!

  61. 61
    Oh FFS! says:

    Has the kid that mods Guido’s blog gone away for a long shit – or just buggered off again?

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    misterned says:

    When he told the country to store petrol at home the minster didn’t tell her how to store it and how to pour it. It is like an idiot giving sex education by not telling kids to wear condom.

  63. 63
    Airey Belvoir says:

    It was very unwise of Mad Frankie Maude to say that the flavour of chips could be improved by cooking them in unleaded. He must be fired (as indeed was the lady in question!)

  64. 64
    Perse O'Nally says:


  65. 65
    Ah! Monika says:

    Maude actually said ” people should think about…..” In other words ‘make your own decision’. That’s as far as his advice went. Fuss over.

  66. 66
    Anonymous says:

    misterned says:

    But you voted Cameron’s Conservatives.

  67. 67
    Very Wealthy Wind Farm Gentry #2 says:

    Same here!

  68. 68
    Stinkfinger says:

    Can anyone explain what was so unreasonable about the tanker drivers demands?
    These blokes obviously do a vital job and for just £40K.
    Of course that is not good enough.
    Can’t have a working class bloke earning more than Tarquin with his wonk degree.
    Ship in the Polish tanker drivers,then we can all move on to pissing and moaning about how many Poles live in the UK.
    I want the British Tanker and truck drivers to break this fucking shit government and the one after it.

  69. 69
    Ah But! says:

    Did he mention decanting in close proximity to a lighted gas cooker?

  70. 70
    Ex Conservative Voter says:

    I think it’s very touch and go, but as Frightened Inmate #2 says, Ed Miliband can still lose it for Labour, especially as he has Ed Balls to help out with the defeat.

    If Labour get rid of Ed and Ed, replacing them with (probably) Alan Johnson and someone else who also looks human (no, I can’t think of anyone either, but maybe Frank Field), then it’s all over for the Cons.

    Unless the unions f*ck it all up, of course.

  71. 71
    Gonk says:

    An hour or two is acceptable rules of the road, but a day or two is pushing it.
    Off for an early Easter recess perhaps.

  72. 72
    Cynical-old-bag says:


    If someone told you to stick your head in the gas oven, would you do it?

  73. 73
    misterned says:

    Anonymous, show me the precise wording of the Minister’s advice, specifically where he told people to pour petrol near naked flames.

    Can you do that for me?

    And whilst you are at it, can you please enlighten me to the logic of someone who believes that Minister’s are stupid and yet their advice should be heeded non the less? Surely that is, … er,… stupid?

    And as for WHAT A WANKER’S straw-man argument, that is not even worthy of reply.

  74. 74
    Gordon Brown says:

    After midnight teddy turns into a 9′ green alien called Kevin.

  75. 75
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    A brilliant cartoon. And I never thought I’d come on here to say that.

  76. 76
    The most dreadful words you could ever hear ... says:

    I’m from the Government – and I’m here to help you ….

  77. 77
    misterned says:

    Anonymous, do you agree with me that pouring petrol near a naked flame is a stupid thing to do, or not?

  78. 78
    jerry says:

    Lot’s of people who took Maude’s advice weren’t fucking idiots who fried themselves. Explain that one Anonymous you plank.

  79. 79
    Thomas from Tonna says:

    I remember young Frank’s dad Angus.

    Just like his dad Frank can talk a good talk is posh and is loaded. Just like his dad he has no empathy and lacks the common touch.

    That is why he never will be a leader.

    It is unfortunate that a person is fighting for her life in hospital. But at least Frank will not be replacing Dave any time soon ( or late).

  80. 80
    Sally's Alley says:

    I’m bored!

  81. 81
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    She obviously got Heston Blumental mixed up with Heston Services.

  82. 82
    Gordon Brown says:

    Chase me Norman.

  83. 83
    Slartibartfast says:

    Feel sorry for the woman because she is a woman but at the same time there is such a thing as Darwinian Natural Selection.

  84. 84
    Ah! Monika says:

    She had a PhD in Chemistry so might have guessed not to decant petrol in the flat above the shop.

  85. 85
    Del says:

    There was me thinking I heard the minister say in a jerry can stored in the garage.

  86. 86
    Ah! Monika says:


  87. 87
    Rick the Roman says:

    On totally different topic. Nottingham City Council (Labour) first in country to bring in workplace parking tax. Companies will have to pay around £300 pa for using their own workplace car parking. What is it with these socialists? They are so creative at dreaming up new taxes. They never change, just want to tax and spend, it’s in their DNA.

  88. 88
    Fell says:

    But there will be a similar drop in sales while people run their tanks down.

  89. 89
    A pragmatist says:

    So you don’t think you are being nasty by saying you wouldn’t mind Maude dousing himself in petrol and setting light it, so he would die in horrific agony. Then you can’t see your hypocrisy in calling Tories nasty. Brilliant!

  90. 90
    Anon says:

    mornin’ ladies, now fuck off and get some work done.

  91. 91
    Gonk says:

    At first I thought, strategy. Then I thought, cock up. After some more thought, probably was off the cuff strategy mixed with drink.
    Final conclusion, aloof disinterest and slight contempt mixed with Easter holiday plans.

  92. 92

    OK. I’ll see ya’ll.

    Here is a Sayyed Imam Al-Sharif.

  93. 93
    Dobbin says:

    Are the council charging for their own parking spaces???

  94. 94
    utter pillock says:

    Nah, he definitely said kitchen with the gas on.

  95. 95
  96. 96

    If I had a business in Nottingham, I would move it out of Nottingham.

    But I would not have one there in the first place. There is only one good thing there and that is Ye Olde Trip To Jerusalem.

  97. 97
    red dwarf says:

    Just think what you could do with a 9′ green alien Sally.

  98. 98
    misterned says:

    Who so far have been far kinder to the poor than labour were. Taking them out of tax altogether, rather than dragging them on to tax and then doubling it like labour did.

  99. 99
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    If you take a good hard look at the Cabinet and Shadow Cabinet, they all lack the common touch.

    Not surprising, really. Quite a lot of them were born into wealthy families, private school educated, spent time studying law/economics/finance and then went on to enter politics.

  100. 100
    A pragmatist says:

    Funny how when the government says ‘do not panic’ the meedja says that the public are bound to do the exact opposite but when told by Maude they might want to think about putting some in jerrycans for emergencies the government are blamed for people slavishly adopting that advice. In other words they cant win either way. And if they say and do nothing the government get blamed for complacency. Who’d be in government?

  101. 101
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    I’m getting a bit peeved with all this racist talk of “jerry” cans. Let us henceforth refer to them as “canisters favoured by our Germanic European partners”.

  102. 102
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    For every person who has managed to fill up their tank, there are 6 others who didn’t manage to get any petrol at all.

    It will take a while to bring this back on an even keel.

  103. 103
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    I’m getting a bit peeved with all this racist talk of “jerry” cans. Let us henceforth refer to them as “canisters favoured by our Germanic Europe’an partners”.

    Sir Aston Martin 1, Modbot 0

  104. 104
    Franky says:

    You can’t really legislate for stupidity. But he did say in a jerry can kept in the garage and yes you can buy 10 litre jerry cans.

    I’m not even sure if he triggered the buying because as soon as the drivers voted for strike action I and others I know topped off our tanks and petrol cans and it was days later when Maude made his statement.

    Of course the government want people to keep their tanks full, according to the experts the people’s fuel tanks hold 14 times more fuel than the country’s official storage tanks and once the fuel is in these individual tanks Unite has lost its stranglehold.

  105. 105
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Does it really matter? Will we be able to tell the difference?

  106. 106
    Rufergu says:

    We’re all in this together.

  107. 107
    Nursie says:

    There, there.

    * Passes cool hand over CSC’s feverish forehead *

  108. 108
    Anonymous says:

    misterned; problem is a lot of people don’t know how flammable petrol is, they are only used to pumping petrol into cars at the petrol station.

    This is why the minister is out of touch. He also though people have jerry cans and garages (they cannot afford these), without realising most people will end up storing petrol in bottles in their kitchen.

    Also there wasn’t a strike, unions has to give at least 7 days notice and according to government army will deliver petrol. So there wasn’t any need to make people panic and do these things.

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:

    Visit http://www.ukpublicspending.co.uk/uk_central_pie_chart and start to ask yourselves serious questions.

  110. 110
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    We built a leisure center in Rochdale 20 years ago and the planning officer advised us Not to mark out the car park as it would add £200 per space to the business rates
    a charge you do not pay if you don’t mark it out !
    so it’s been around for quite a while !

  111. 111
    Anonymous says:

    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Over 90% of the people in this world hasn’t got a gas oven or seen it, so they will do it if they are told by the countries leaders. This is why the minister is out of touch he didn’t realise over 90% of people hasn’t got a garage or a jerry can.

  112. 112






  113. 113
    Ed Balls says:

    Yes he did. He said people should store petrol in their kitchens in an old plastic container that had lost its spout years ago. Then when they need to put petrol in the car they must turn the gas cooker on, stand next to it and pour petrol from the can into a jug that can be used fill up the tank. He never once warned people of the Hazards involved.

  114. 114
    A pragmatist says:

    Bloody hell! Does this mean the police may actually start catching criminals and reducing drug crime which has been allowed to flourish under the state police. We can’t be having any of that can we? The police like the NHS and state teaching is crap for a very good reason. They have no incentive to do their jobs properly and it shows.

  115. 115

    You can’t polish a turd.

    But you can set fire to it.

  116. 116
    Govt_By_Cluster_Fuck says:

    The government also says you can build a nuclear shelter out of a kitchen table and a sheet.

  117. 117
    red dwarf says:

    Anonymous you’re a twat with twatty arguments. Are you saying that a lot of people in the UK are really that thick? Oh wait a minute, about 45% of the country say they’ll vote Labour!

  118. 118
    Albert M. Bankment says:

    Oh FFS. It’s surely repellent, but sadly predictable, that the Labour Party will stoop so low as to blame (and, absurdly, seek the resignation of) Francis Maude for the burns sustained by that certifiably idiotic woman. He merely proposed that people could keep jerrycans in garages, which is both legal and sensible.

    If someone stupidly decants petrol in her kitchen while her gas-cooker is burning, she (and her family, and everybody else) has to accept that she is solely responsible for whatever happens. It’s not Francis Maude’s, or anybody else’s, fault by her own.

    Even during the polarising miners’ strike, Labour didn’t try to blame Margaret Thatcher when those two Welsh strikers killed a taxi-driver taking a non-striker to work, by dropping a concrete block onto his car. If people could start behaving like grown-ups again, perhaps we might have grown-up politics once more.

  119. 119
    Call Me Dave - Crouching Lettuce, Hidden Quisling says:

    Nobody wants false optimism and I will never tell you that success can be easily found but with the right ethics, the right values and above all with the right donors, success will come. I’m going to tell you what energises me and drives me personally towards success.

    You! That’s right.

    It is the common conservative party member, the conservative voters that enthuse me and inspire me to create the policies that Britain so desperately needs. That is why, I am announcing, but not in the press, new plans to concrete and tarmac over, three Birmingham sized areas every year, until all of England resembles Tower Hamlets. So let’s get to work, show some fight and re-elect another successful conservative government!

  120. 120
    Anonymous says:

    A pragmatist says:

    If he wants to do it to himself it is his problem, unless he is insane. He is nasty because he was trying to do it to others. If you take money out of your pocket to by coke it is your problem but if you take out of someone else without permission then you are a thieving scum.

  121. 121

    Yоu cаn’t pоlіsh а turd.

    But yоu cаn sеt fіrе tо іt.

    [Pеа frее vеrsіоn]

  122. 122
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    And there was silly old me thinking it was a function of local government to ensure that the people they serve have a reasonable supply of parking places and a fluid road system at an affordable price.

  123. 123
    Anonymous says:

    What is the common touch? Does it mean pretend to be a chav when you are not? Does it mean pretend you are poor when you patently are not.Politicians of any persuasion- remember please that they all earn over £65k plus generous allowances cannot possible know what is must be like to wotk for £10k/£15K per annum.
    An awful lot of them pretend they understand, particularly those of the left including Shadow Cabinet members and trade union bosses.
    I don’t like anyone to pretend they are poor when there are clearly so many hard working people in trouble so please explain the common touch to me.

  124. 124
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    I quite liked that old boozer in the Lace Market.

    Is it still there?

  125. 125
    Spartacus says:

    Darwin Award Winner for 2012 ???

  126. 126
    Anonymous says:

    red dwarf says:

    You say they are thick. I didn’t and I will say the minister is thick and out of touch.

  127. 127
  128. 128
    It's the economy stupid say's says:


  129. 129
    Another Engineer says:

    Do you think GCHQ doesn’t run half the TOR exit nodes already?

  130. 130
    A pragmatist says:

    It is lucky that the jerry can was invented in Germany and not in Pakistan or there would be all hell let loose.

  131. 131
    Cynical-old-bag says:


    Most people are taught at school about flammable items during Science.

    If you drive your car on the motorway at 70mph and have an accident, will it be the Government’s fault for setting the speed limit at 70? Or 60? Or 30?

    People have to take responsibility for their own actions. If this lady purchased petrol in a can, the onus would be hers, to check on how to store it and use it safely. Presumably, she also has bleach and other unsafe liquids in the kitchen. I doubt she would drink these either.

    It’s very easy to blame someone else for your shortcomings. I agree that the Minister was responsible for causing the fuel shortage when it didn’t exist, but that is where his responsibility ends.

  132. 132
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Ignore politics and daft media for a second:

    Most people think they are familiar with petrol as a day to day substance. Also most people have very little actual danger in their day to day lives. I rekon people do not know much about petrol.

    I had fun looking at inexperienced people lighting bonfires on youtube. And even though I do often handle petrol and have handled far more dangerous chemicals in years gone by, I really did learn new things about petrol from youtube.

  133. 133
  134. 134
    Nutter says:

  135. 135
    Ah But! says:

    the windows – you forgot the windows! – put brown paper on your windows with wallpaper paste – or flour and water should do it if you’re short!

  136. 136
  137. 137
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I’ve got a 60 litre fuel tank. An extra 10 litres of fuel in a plastic non-jerry-can aint going to make much difference.

    I certainly wouldnt do that, but thats because I don’t want dead spiders in my car’s fuel tank.

  138. 138
  139. 139
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    no, they aren’t. They have to be big metal ones with three handles and integral spouts. none of your poncy plastic rubbish.

  140. 140
  141. 141
    ReichSturmWinkelFuhrer J. Smitt says:

    I have every sympathy with your sentiment on that one Sir A.

    And while I’m here, I’d like to thank the punters, – deeply and sincerely, – for my bathplug. It’s now worn to a beautiful sheen with use, and is beginning to get nice little ridges in all the right places!

    So again, – thanks!

  142. 142
    København says:

    Last time I went there, I dr0ve in and parked my car outside.

    Bet that is not possible now….

  143. 143
    red dwarf says:

    So Anon, the minister is out of touch with people who supposedly have had a free education of a standard only to be dreamed of in third world countries, but then still go and do something incredibly stupid. You really do have a low opinion of the level of intelligence of UK citizens don’t you? Knob.

  144. 144
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I’ve met buggers who were chemistry graduates and PhDs etc. from that period. They’d gargle benzene and smoke just for a laugh.

  145. 145
    Dobbin says:

    Janet Street Porter without the class

  146. 146
    Ah But! says:

    I can’t see how a condom is going to help any police force! What would they put in it?

  147. 147
    the britas empire says:

    I don’t know why, but the concept of a leisure center in Rochale is incredibly funny.

  148. 148
    Cynical-old-bag says:


    Please show me exactly where I said that.

    There’s something seriously wrong with your understanding of plain English!

  149. 149
    hugo phister says:

    I don’t fancy yours much.

  150. 150
    AC1 says:

    Pasty Tax is the E.U.S.S.R.’s tax.

  151. 151
    Cynical-old-bag says:


    Most people are taught at school about flammable items during Science.

    If you dri*ve your car on the motorway at 70mph and have an accident, will it be the Government’s fault for setting the speed limit at 70? Or 60? Or 30?

    People have to take responsibility for their own actions. If any of us purchased petrol in a can, the onus would be ours to check on how to store it and use it safely. Presumably, sh*e also has blea*ch and other unsa*fe liquids in the kitchen. I doubt sh*e would dri*nk these either.

    It’s very easy to blame someone else for your shortcomings. I agree that the Minister was responsible for causing the fuel shortage when it didn’t exist, but that is where his responsibility ends.

  152. 152
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    On any questions, someone from the party that shall never be praised in any small way at all all said something quite sensible.

    Considering that VAT on food is bloody peculiar in part (*), reform might seem sensible, but its hardly worth bothering with. Not worth the hassle. Who the hell thought it worthwhile to piss about with pasties.

    (* e.g. whether the chocolate is inside or outside of buiscuits)

  153. 153
    AC1 says:

    Not so much thick, as ignorant and neotenised.

  154. 154
    Have I missed something ? says:

    i heard a garage owner on TV bemoaning the fact that he has run out of petrol having sold out completely by Friday. He said that he was in danger of going out of business if he didnt get a fresh delivery asap. Now have i missed something here ? Surely the fact that he sold out means he has made a large amount of money over a short period of time ? In fact he must have made the same amount of money over a week as he would take over two or three weeks in normal circumstances. So whats his problem ?

  155. 155
    AC1 says:

    are they all dead?

    A biochemist I knew said the “Carcinogen!” sticker on benzene was pointless as everyone knew it was.

  156. 156
    Kev Lar says:

    Is Harman wearing her Police issue stab proof vest under her reflective vest.

  157. 157
    euratwat says:

    I thought that was a pic of The Brotherhood of Man

  158. 158
    Robin of Locksley says:

    Didnt realise The Sheriff is still in charge around those parts. He must be getting on around 1100 years of age by now !

  159. 159
    lubetube says:

    Yeah, I bet that’s not the only thing you’ve learned about about on Youtube.

  160. 160
    Harriet Harman says:

    Where as I on the other hand…

  161. 161
    The Golem says:

    The way things are going, Frankie, the next election could be postponed.

    I’d say the present front bench need to be on their bikes before the year end if anything worthwhile is to be rescued from the current political and economic mess.

  162. 162
    AC1 says:

    Competition amongst police providers?!

    OMG Soon the police deterring crime by staying in the canteen and driving between stations might actually have to make their presence felt on the streets.

  163. 163
  164. 164
    Cameron, Clegg, Osborne, Alexander & Co says:

    Speak for yourself blue eyes.

  165. 165
    you thick twat says:

    I think your mum managed to drop you on your head…..several times.

  166. 166
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Rich reads approving comment out to Mark. Having checked not still 1st April, they dance around their shabby studio, clutching each other and laughing ecstatically before heading off to the pub to blow Guido’s 50 quid. An approving comment! The first ever!! What a glorious day to be alive etc etc

  167. 167
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I don’t know most of them any more. Two that spring to mind have died, but I’d probably upset you if I told you how. Theres a clue in 127.

    Benzene isn’t a particularly bad carcinogen, and theres plenty of it around still. It wouldnt make me stop using a chainsaw for example.

  168. 168
    Anonymous says:

  169. 169
    Hatedbythedailymail says:

    Yep, competition in policing. Based on amount of arrests and revenue made. You thought it was bad under Nulabour?

    Let me see, performance related budgets. 1 arrested for murder or 100 arrested for offences they could have been warned for.

    You really want competition in policing? Well you are going to get it and the police force you deserve. Well done, your welcome to it.

  170. 170
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Why do so many people dislike on principle the idea of our affairs being managed by well-educated and demonstrably intelligent people? My beef is when those well-educated etc people do or say something crashingly stupid – but poorly-educated lefty types would be/have been even worse. Ho hum.

  171. 171
    Anonymous says:

    Most of you seems to have forgotten that this was government advice given by a minister.

    I would have agreed with most of your comments if it had been given by a buffoon and not by a minster. Might be most of you think that the advice was given by buffoon!

  172. 172
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Hands out of your pockets, that man! You are escorting very important people!!

  173. 173

    I think you’ll find that your question “are our solders fucking idiots for following the orders of politicians? is a no – mainly because they follow all legal orders given to them by the NCO’s, via the Rupert who issued them or delegated the responsibility to do so to the said NCO’s. Politicians do not give direct orders to Pongo’s, because they are not in the chain of command.

    So – You ARE a wanker to pontificate on things it is frighteningly obvious you have no knowledge of at all – but it does make you a grade one Labour apologist!!

  174. 174
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Argentina has managed to secure a South American blockade of the Falklands
    with several South American countries refusing access to ships bearing the Falklands flag
    So i would ask you all to find an alternative source
    for your Corned beef and Cocaine until they back down

  175. 175

    Anonymouse – will you learn to type in fucking English, you illiterate Huhne. Grammar, punctuation and spelling.

    Now piss off and start learning your citizenship answers.

  176. 176
    Airey Belvoir says:

    ‘Jerry Can’ is a pejorative term which may upset our fellow Europeans with its unfortunate resonances of a long- ago desert war( which we won, adding to the potential offence.) So in future I will be using the more acceptable appellation of ‘Kraut Containers’.

  177. 177
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Just been modded, proving my point!

  178. 178
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    And about time too. The LibDems will certainly be supporting this new law even though we did not support it when Labour were in power. Then I will find out who the B*stards are who keep exposing me on this site, and get my ‘boys’ to deal with them.

    Riding around in my Range Rover Evoque
    Looking for young girls to pick up and poke.


  179. 179
    MandyPickleSniffer says:

    Honestly, do you think I panicked and went out to fill up the car because of what the Tories said?? I went and filled up the car because I fear there’s going to be a petrol strike. Simple. So, get the fucking communist Labor Unions to call off the strike and all will be good again. Don’t try and blame it on the Tories you twats. If the unions hadn’t threatened a strike there;d be no story here.

    And as for dining with the captains of industry, and accepting doantions….so what? I want the PM to be in touch with industry leaders. I want him to know what they’re concerned about as they compete with the Chinese & the Indians & the Germans. Would it be better if he were having dinner with douchebags like Eddie Izzard? I’d rather he have a clue about what the heads of various banks are saying, and whether we’re about to have another Prudential-like announcement of some huge company choosing to relocate to Hong Kong. And as for the donations side of the story…yeah? and your point is? Look at how many billions of dollars the Yanks get from corporate donors for their political parties. And, if I’m not mistaken, the Labour Huhnes get exactly the same kind of thing themselves except their money comes from the Labor Unions. So, realy what this is actually about is the CLASS of the people who’re dining with Cameron. Typical Labour hypocrisy. If Cameron had been caught dining (and accepting donations) from the head of the Single Mother Crack Whores foundation, then no-one would say a word.

    In any case, no matter what the truth is about behind-the-scenes scandals, or no matter how badly the press choose to spin it, nothing can possibly be worse than having incompetent aspiration-killing Socialist lying thieves like Labour back in power again.

    And the woman who got doused by petrol is just simply thick as a brick, and to somehow blame that on the Tories is even thicker!

  180. 180
    annette curton says:

    So if we have a strike and they all go out out business then what?, refine chip fat.

  181. 181
    Anonymous says:

    Cynical-old-bag says:
    April 2, 2012 at 10:34 am

    “Most people are taught at school about flammable items during Science.” Might be in your time not now-a-days i.e. at least not in the last 30 plus years in public schools.

    Also when people are in a panic they don’t think what was thought to them in schools years and years ago.

  182. 182
    annette curton says:

    I’m sure I can re-source the corned beef but the marching powder could be a problem (should have stocked up before the panic buying).

  183. 183
    justin thyme says:

    Er…..he gave perfectly sensible advice, nothing to do with kitchens and exposed flames buffoonery.

  184. 184
    Gordon Brown says:

    I fancy a cheesy wotsit.

  185. 185
    Anonymous says:

    “mainly because they follow all legal orders given to them by the NCO’s, via the Rupert”

    Never realised orders are given by Rupert, does it get published in Sun?

    Haven’t you realised soldiers cannot go to war without the orders from PM. If we have an idiot or crook as PM then they are obeying order of this person.

  186. 186
    spade says:


  187. 187
    Anonymous says:

    Mars Attacks says:
    April 2, 2012 at 10:57 am

    When tested over 90% of the people who were born in this country failed the citizenship test. It shows how out of touch you are.

  188. 188
    Jerry's Mate says:

    Is there much difference between storing unleaded in a Jerry Can or plastic Coke bottles? Although Mr. Maude advised using a Jerry Can he didn’t rule out Coke bottles so I must assume they are suitable.I don’t have any glass jars but I do have plenty of Coke bottles, although I have thought about using the plastic watering can.
    On a related issue, someone once told me that warming the petrol before putting it in the tank aids cold starting and economy so can anyone tell me what temperature I have to heat a Jerry Can up to on the gas hob to achieve this?
    All I am after is more bang for my buck and I am assured this will have the desired effect. Some idiot told me it was better to heat it up in the Coke bottles but I am not that stupid, everyone knows Coke bottles are a pain to stand up on the hob and I don’t want to spend all day mopping up the spilled petrol.Having given it some serious thought I suppse I could heat it up in a saucepan and decant it into Coke bottles but I may not achieve the desired temperature given the time involved.

  189. 189
  190. 190
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron is in power so he introduces the tax and Milliband oposes it.
    If Milliband was in power he would introduce the tax and Camron would opose.

    Tells you all you need to know about the LibLabCon scum.

  191. 191
    Ah! Monika says:

    No forecourt customers buying Cornish Pasties. Makes more on a pasty than a gallon.

  192. 192
    annette curton says:

    Looks up wistfully as 5 ton steel girder breaks loose from crane jib, aren’t these hard hats are wonderful.

  193. 193
    Popeye says:

    People should realise that Maude is one of the real problems in the NuTory party.
    Cancer has to be cut out or zapped so that it withers away.

  194. 194
    A pragmatist says:

    It is lucky that the jerrycan was invented in Germany and not in Pa kistan or there would be all hell let loose.

  195. 195
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Some git was saying that it was so that small independent takeaways could compete on a level playing field with giants like greggs and Tesco.

    Which suggests he’s never thought that small independent retailers sell warmish food. And I rekon thats even the case in westminster.

  196. 196
    misterned says:

    “misterned; problem is a lot of people don’t know how flammable petrol is, they are only used to pumping petrol into cars at the petrol station.”

    I doubt that “a lot” of people do not realise how flammable petrol is, and of those who do not, then they can accurately be defined as idiots.

    Anyone who fills their car with fuel will know that you do not smoke, or even use a mobile phone when filling up. there are signs all over every petrol filling station with warnings. Why? Because the fumes are highly combustible.

    If “a lot” of people did not know this, then there would have been “a lot” of people setting themselves on fire. Only one idiot did! Why? Because she is an idiot!

  197. 197
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Jerry is less offensive than “Bosch”. Can you imagine if you had “bosch drills” or “bosch headlamps”.


  198. 198
    Penfold says:

    I’m Teflon coated…………………..

  199. 199
    annette curton says:

    Panic Pasties!.

  200. 200
    Fog says:

    Problem is, a lot of people think like anon now. Illogical, clueless, brainwashed, stuck in their stasi dr e amworld, awaiting instructions to wipe their botties.

  201. 201
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I still can’t get over the irony of some of your comments when you claim to be from Paris. However, thats a good one.

  202. 202
    Bogeyman says:

    Hope he has. Yesterday I linked a picture of Yvette looking slightly less repulsive than usual and it’s still “awaiting”.

    It’s easier getting posts onto CiF these days.

  203. 203
    Wehrmachtskanister says:

    I Like Francis Maude, It’s not his fault that the NuLiebore conspiracy has dumbed down the great British public so much that there a quite a few who don’t know that petrol and flames don’t make good partners.

    It used to be called common sense, but now to know this you would have had to have passed through the various levels of NuLiebor inspired “further education” collected all your EMA and get a degree in chemistry.

  204. 204
    The best joke of all...the media is even worse at starting panic in the streets says:

    Whilst everybody is slagging off Frankie Maude let’s not forget the media’s role in the panic….for a week before both the Mail and Express were headlining the absloute cetainty a petrol tanker strike and slagging off UNITE…on Monday the day of the ballot result both Sky and BBC(mainly BBC were showing footage of queues at filling stations from 2000 without making it totallyclear that this was historical footage)and then on Wednesday had reporters is full crisis reporting mode camped at filling stations around the UK further stoking up panic

    So no holier than thou attitude from the media…..the government didn’t handle the situation well but the media had already been stoking the “crisis” up….just like the Express is now ramoing up Snow Panic on its front pag(if you read the article it’s the North of Scotland;North of England and high ground in the North Midlands…shock surprise).

  205. 205
    Wehrmachtskanister says:

    GB You are a cheesy wotsit!

    Oh and a thief, give your parliamentary salary to good causes!

  206. 206
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Rim ?

  207. 207
    misterned says:

    “It’s very easy to blame someone else for your shortcomings. I agree that the Minister was responsible for causing the fuel shortage when it didn’t exist, but that is where his responsibility ends.”

    I disagree with that too. People should be able to exercise simple logic. There was never any need to panic buy. The PM and other ministers said, “Do Not Queue up” to buy fuel. There was no logic or reason to panic buy a commodity which was still being supplied, with no prospect of any immediate interruption in supply.

    Those people who queued up to panic buy were NOT following government advice, and were being idiots too.

    I guess we have another example of left wing logic in thinking that “DO NOT QUEUE UP!” means “PANIC AND QUEUE UP!”

  208. 208
    Ex Conservative Voter says:

    No, not really.

    Same shit, different coloured rosette.

  209. 209
    Guido the sellout says:

    Not a word about your best mate Cameron giving GCHQ carte blanche to spy on everyone?

    Fucking sell out coward.

  210. 210
    Bogeyman says:

    Fuck off. All this crap about a “dangerous, highly skilled” job is blackmail. Driving my car is a dangerous job, but I don’t go around demanding more money or less complicated pension arrangements.

  211. 211
    Dave Charity-Spart says:

    Tea is a drink produced by exploiting the workers of foreign lands. We should send 99.3% of GDP to Oxfam every year to compensate them for our imperialism.

  212. 212
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    jerrycans in garages … sensible.

    Not really. if you do use a tankful of petrol a day or a week, then 10 litres is sod all, and will make very little difference. If your tankful lasts you a couple of weeks or more, then having that spare 10 litres makes no difference at all.

    What actually makes it a bad thing to say is that its an unusual thing to do, and makes it sound like theres a particularly unusual event on its way.

    I don’t get how the general public couldnt remember “negative equity” 12 years after the event, when they all remember the petrol dispute from 12 years ago.

  213. 213
    Bogeyman says:

    Maude is a tosser for using the expression “Jerry can”. These were five-gallon containers strapped to the back of Jeeps during the war. You rarely see them these days. Just shows what an old fart this “moderniser” is.

  214. 214
    Yes Minister says:

    I just happy we have found another tax to impose on motorists.


  215. 215
    Rage Against the Political Elite. says:

    I am wondering, how much EXTRA TAX the government got from the Extra Petrol Sales. Shit things must be Bad when the State have to resort to Scare mongering to fill their coffers.
    Things have never changed them!!!

  216. 216
    Prevent was never abolished says:

    They have been spying on you for years. Labour recruited spies in schools.

  217. 217
    Greychatter says:

    Has the media checked what really happened?

    On Friday afternoon on BBBC Radio 4 there was mention of this lady decanting petrol in her kitchen with a jug for her daughter and it mentioned a lawnmower.

    Which is the correct version?

  218. 218
    Reality Check says:

    Amazing how short memories are. The Tanker driver vote to strike was announced on the 26th and that is when the buying started. By the time Maude made his statement on the 28th the news had been flooded with pictures of Queues at garages and people filling up cans. Myself I topped up on the evening of the 26th and made sure my cans for the mower, strimmer, chainsaw, boat etc were also all topped up on the same evening.

  219. 219
    JH says:

    ‘Just’ £40K for fucks sake.

    The median wage in this country is about £23K. I’m sure £40K is regarded as a pittance in the rarified world of public sector middle management, but to most it is an impressive wage.

    I suppose bin men should be on £40K too? How about the blokes who cut the grass? That’s important, right? How about the miserable hi-vis stasi who stand there getting in your way at the householder’s waste? They should be on at least £50K, surely.

    ‘Break’ the government by forcing it to run a deficit with ludicrous public sector entitlements, great idea.

  220. 220
    misterned says:

    “Problem is, a lot of people think like anon now. Illogical, clueless, brainwashed, stuck in their stasi dr e amworld, awaiting instructions to wipe their botties.”

    AH! I understand now. She is a product of 13 years of the infantilisation of this countries adults. Where the government treat everyone as if they were irresponsible children to be monitored and constantly told what to do.

    Even more reason to never ever let labour get into power ever again then. That Nanny statism is fucking dangerous. People become so fucking clueless they set themselves on fire when a minister gives some reasonable, sound advice. They had become used to labour doing it all, badly and at great expense, for them.

    As for “people may have been taught about the danger of flammable gasses 30 years ago and people forget” That is Bollocks! She is an idiot.

    The current government did not make her an idiot. She already was one, and according to anonymous, needed the government to hold her hand and tell-her step-by-step how to do anything.

  221. 221
    Technomist says:

    There is a firm on Forest Road in Walthamstow which stocks them if you are interested. HC Briggs. They also sell bottled gas.

  222. 222
  223. 223
    Sir William Waad says:

    I still have the feeling that the economy is in a state where it will be found to have collapsed if anybody looks at it critically. One might then even argue that the act of looking at it critically had caused it to collapse. It’s so difficult to understand cause-and-effect when everything is so entangled.

  224. 224
    "In Jail no one can hear you scream building safer communities" says:

    Wasn’t Sir Paul Condom their Chief once ?

  225. 225
    Mr Sheen says:

    Legalising Canabis would undermine demand for cocaine if the ‘gateway’ theory is correct.

  226. 226
    misterned says:

    “When tested over 90% of the people who were born in this country failed the citizenship test. It shows how out of touch you are.”

    then 90% of the public are idiots. I was born here and passed that piss easy test.

    If 90% of the public were idiots, then they would misunderstand basic, simple and sound advice and start panic buying commodities that were not in short supply and end up with at least one of them setting themselves on fire buy pouring petrol near a naked flame…

    Oh hang on… You are right anonymous. At least 45% of the public ARE idiots… according to the latest political opinion polls anyway.

  227. 227
    Sir William Waad says:

    I think it would work if the shop sold you a cold pasty but provided microwave ovens where you could cook the pasty, free, if you wanted to.

  228. 228
    Harriet Harman says:

    “Save your kisses for me “

  229. 229
    Bogey Killer says:

    You obviously lead a very sheltered or inner city life. Jerry cans are very common and are used by millions of people. They are a lot safer than those flimsy plastic things that are sold in many garages. They come in 5 litre, 10 litre and 20 litre sizes.

    For example


  230. 230
    Ex Conservative Voter says:

    She’s in her 40s, so she passed through the education system long before NuLab thoroughly trashed it, but it has been going downhill since the early 70s.

    What gets me – and this is very much the fault of NuLab who tried to turn the population into unthinking sheep incapable of doing anything without guidance from the State – is the feeling among many people that someone other than the woman who poured petrol into a jug next to a lit oven is to blame for the resulting fire and burns.

    ‘Obviously’, it’s not her fault. No way, she’s just the adult person who poured the petrol next to the flame, so it’s not her fault. It can’t be. It must be someone else’s fault.. it must be the State’s fault, for not giving the correct guidance. Francis Maude, for example. Yes, let’s blame him, because he wasn’t there, and he didn’t tell her to do it. But he didn’t tell her not to do it. Therefore it’s obviously his fault.

    Not hers. Not an adult who tried to fill a jug with petrol, next to a lit stove. It was Maude’s fault.

  231. 231
    AC1 says:

    I knew the colonic irrigation was going well when I recognised a pork pie from The Dog and Duck in 1979.

  232. 232
    Sir William Waad says:

    Not if the SNP put up candidates in England. They’d romp home.

  233. 233
    simon says:

    Let’s hope your mother doesn’t set her pubic hair on fire whilst tidying up ‘down below’ with a fag in her gob.

  234. 234
    Wehrmachtskanister says:

    Spot on!

    Just a great shame that Francis was forced to backtrack on perfectly sound advice by a gutless cabinet.

  235. 235
    The BBC says:

    Its Global Weirdness innit !

  236. 236
    Ex Conservative Voter says:

    “Just shows what an old fart this “moderniser” is.”

    Yes, the first item on every moderniser’s agenda is: “learn the correct contemporary name for a fuel container.”

    Which he did. Because they’re called Jerry cans. So he got it right.

  237. 237
    Guido the corporatist sell-out cunt says:

    Suck it up!

  238. 238
    Stinkfinger says:

    No,you don’t demand anything do you.Maybe you fucking should.

  239. 239
    A nice lady from GCHQ says:

    Hello Jack. How’s college going? Oh, and please don’t do that, it’s not nice.

  240. 240
    The Advanced Stages of CiF says:


  241. 241
    Anonymous says:

    misterned; then you are an idiot if you cannot communicate to them in away they will understand.

  242. 242
    Anonymous says:

    misterned; that lady is 46 years old, she is the product of Mrs.T education system.

    Also according to polls 80% of the people blame the government for the mess.

  243. 243
    dead tree Guido says:

    Loads of tits in the sunday star, me included!

  244. 244
    Kendo says:

    If the woman had followed Maude’s advice and had used a jerry can kept in the garage/shed then she would not be in hospital now. She was using a plastic fuel can with a screw on spout that had got lost. So she poured fuel from the plastic fuel can into a jug so that her daughter could use the jug to put fuel in her car. And her biggest error was to do this in the kitchen next to a naked flame.

    Now if she had followed Maude’s advice she would have gone to the garage/shed and handed her daughter a 5 litre jerry can and a funnel or a 5 litre jerry can with a fixed spout.

  245. 245
    Anonymous says:

    On the government’s handling of the strike threat so far, an overwhelming 86% of people think they have handled it badly (59% think they have handled it “very badly”). This includes 78% of Tory voters who think they have handled the strike threat badly.


  246. 246
    Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    The B-bbc and the other lefty cnuts wanted so much to get Maude back for the coating he gave tunip face in the HoC previously.

  247. 247
    Cynical-old-bag says:


    Clearly, people who are as stupid as you are shouldn’t be allowed out of the house.

  248. 248
    Please don't store my data in India says:

    Thanks for keeping an eye on me. I feel so much safer knowing you are gathering information on people who don’t like wheelie bins.

  249. 249
    The Biased BBC says:

    So why do the BBC think UK manufacturing growth at 10-month high in March” is much less important than “Ed Miliband pledges to govern for the whole country “not just the wealthy few””

    One is a fact, the other is a pipe dream.


  250. 250
    Stinkfinger says:

    Fair enough.
    Ship in the immigrants to do the tanker driving that our drivers weren’t prepared to do for lower wages.
    Then your job will be next and then mine.
    In the meantime the usual suspects whose jobs or wages are never up for negotiation will keep coining it in.

  251. 251

    As one who had spent my life in finance and banking, I completely agree. It does not just apply to the UK though. One can say the same for the USA and Europe as well. It is beyond my comprehension how this situation can be resolved, even using that great old standby of inflating one’s debt away. The wonderful ironic-seeming observation in your second sentence is actually spot on. We have no idea what is mirror and what is reflection and the underlying truth is that none of it adds up to a ball of fog anyway.

  252. 252
    Bogeyman says:

    Thank you for the link. And how many people have “Jerry cans”? Very few, I wager. They have those nasty plastic things you use for filling the lawn mower.

  253. 253
    Please don't store my data in India says:

    Not a pasty in sight. Hang ‘em all.

  254. 254
    Ed moribund says:

    But it was his fault! Ashcroft.

  255. 255
    Bogeyman says:

    From Wiki:

    A jerrycan is a robust fuel container originally made from pressed steel. It was designed in Germany in the 1930s for military use to hold 20 litres of fuel.

    The history of the Jerrycan is notable because it was reverse engineered during World War II. The name of the jerrycan reveals its German origins (Jerry being a disparaging wartime name for Germany and Germans).

    Therefore I also claim racism, xenophobia and imperialism. Homophobia must come into it somewhere, but I can’t think where.

  256. 256
    Anonymous says:

    I keep my fuel in steel jerry cans. Shop around and you can get them for a good price. The spouts on those plastic fuel cans seem to have an ability to disappear overnight and never be seen again.

  257. 257
    Ed moribund says:

    Hope someone else has burnt themselves today. A man trying to fill his pockets with petrol at a filling station goes to a BBQ . That would be a great story. Terribly tragic, of course,. But still great news.

  258. 258
    Albert M. Bankment says:

    But it’s 10 litres that you wouldn’t have otherwise, which is anything up to 120-130 miles extra and is therefore an improvement and is therefore sensible. Anyway, I seem to recall that the previous legal limit for a steel container was 20 litres, coinkydinkally the capacity of … a jerry-can. Am I remembering wrong, or has that regulation changed?

    Nobody other than the completely buttock-brained Ms. Hill is responsible for her injuries. Francis Maude is an all-round ‘bon oeuf’, and doesn’t deserve the trashing that he’s getting.

  259. 259
    Loungelizard says:

    You’d lose your bet. Most people round here have them. We have about four or five, diesel, petrol, chainsaw mix…etc.

  260. 260
    Dee Zell says:

    At one stage the BBC had as headline news that a white van man have overfilled his van with diesel and the fire brigade had to attend the perilous situation caused by Maude.

    I did that a few years ago but it never made the news or required fireman sam. I just got the sand bucket, spread sand over the spill and apologised to the staff and the BBC never blamed the Brown government for making me so stupid.

  261. 261
    mong watch says:

    Bugger off you boring little tit.

  262. 262

    Nonnytwat, you really are hopeless, as in there is no hope for you.

    You argue that people are responsible for their actions and then that they aren’t.

    You then accuse our armed forces of going to war when told to, and then that they shouldn’t.

    It really is no wonder that you are such a laughing stock.

    Your replies and comments are the epitome of someone who can’t think, writing on behalf , and in support of people who can’t think.

    Wankers, like you are the type who set fire themselves through panic and stupidity, and as such are part of Darwinian natural selection – it might be natural but it doesn’t have to be nice, but tends to remove more stupidity from the gene pool. Sadly it didn’t work in your case, but the day is yet young.

  263. 263
    Rick the Roman says:

    Trouble is that Robin Hood and the Sherriff are on the same side these days.

  264. 264
    AC1 says:

    How big is a parking space?

    5 M2?

    60 pounds “rent” per square meter per year seems rather high.

  265. 265
    Feeling maudlin says:

    Older conspirators may remember a Private Eye cover of the 1980s, with a picture of Angus Maude and Margaret Thatcher sitting next to each other. Unemployment was reaching unprecedented levels and the bubble coming out of Maude’s mouth said, “We really can’t afford to have any more unemployed”, to which Mrs Thatcher replied, “Just one more I think” – and she duly axed the useless wet. Like father, like son, but there is no sign on any continuity of resolve from the Cameroons.

  266. 266
  267. 267

    I wish someone would deHunt Annonynonynonny Mouse. Then he would just be “silence”.

    Bombs away!

  268. 268

    When I was based at RAF Scampton we used to pop to Nottingham from time to time and there were some fine drinking establishments. In the 1980’s there was also a nightclub with the tasteless name “The Final Solution” – it burnt down!!

    Can you tell Wing Commander Gibson that we’ve found his dog, corporal!

  269. 269

    Yep – we rob from everyone and keep it for our retirement funds!


  270. 270
  271. 271
    MandyPickleSniffer says:

    Is this petrol-dousing moronic woman the same one who sued McDonalds years ago for having coffee that was too hot, and blamed them for scalding the roof of her mouth?

  272. 272
    Depressed button says:

    S.F. I’ve mostly agreed with your blogs until now.

    Have you been drinking?

  273. 273


    You are speaking to an Admiral of the fleet! Have you been drіnking man?

  274. 274
    Expat Geordie says:

    They probably lost money. People buying fuel now while it is cheap (!?!) instead of next week when it has gone up another penny a litre, so Gideon is actually losing VAT receipts on the extra penny.

    However the late surge in fuel sales may have been enough to stop us going into negative growth territory at the end of the quarter and preventing us going into “recession”. Next quarter can go and hang, but they are not worried about that at the moment.

    Silly sod doesn’t seem to realise that if you cut fuel duty it actually gives the economy a disproportionate boost as everything depends on fuel, and that will give him more money to waste, not less.

  275. 275
    Rage Against the Political Elite. says:

    Are you sure she wasn’t a vunerable person that the Police could look after, Or one of the ones that passes over all her Worldly goods to some Troll on the end of a key board in NIGERIA. Cmon. Women have had equality for long enough now to know “that they are worth it” Worth What? The loss of all our FREEDOM., While the Media Press State Arse holes have identified Women as Vunerable and need Molly coddling. Is this the Real Feminist State Agenda.

  276. 276
    Rage Against the Political Elite. says:

    Its the only business he gets paid weekly, just in time to put in his figures for the last Quarter. Great Scam if you can get away with it.

  277. 277
    Expat Geordie says:

    Anonymous, have you seen the “citizenship” test. Where is “two world wars and one world cup, do-dah, do-dah”? Where is cricket, fair play, queuing, not wiping your arse with your hand and then wiping it on the wall, tolerance, learning English, pride in being British?

    There is stuff on that test that I wouldn’t know because I haven’t had to sign on since 1992, yet I am an economics graduate with a deep knowledge of British history.

    I have a Hungarian friend who has just passed his “citizenship” test, and he told me that he learned more about being British from spending half an hour with a couple of patriotic Britons in a Dorset pub (who are not moronic shaven headed football thugs) than he would ever learn from having to sit that bloody test

  278. 278
    Expat Geordie says:

    Be careful Sir William. My policeman brother-in-law told me that they can seize and destroy any diesel car that has ever had red diesel in it. Apparently it leaves a trace in the car for years afterwards.

  279. 279
    misterned says:

    And they really believe that the terrorists will use electronic communications when they also know that they are being monitored? Idiots!

    Terrorists (what few of them there are) will use face to face communications. They will go back to using invisible ink on paper and employing kids as couriers. Then they will use the electronic communications for dummy and decoy ops.

    This will not stop terrorism, but it will land a few ‘political upstarts’ or ‘believers in liberty and freedom’, in prison for writing in favour of revolutions and uprisings perhaps.

  280. 280
    Expat Geordie says:

    As spoken by a certain Ronald Wilson Reagan. A great man, sadly missed.

  281. 281
    Anonymous says:

    Terrible. As always.

  282. 282
    Greychatter says:

    Bottom of this report mentioned the Lawnmower, so she wasn’t hoarding petrol!!


  283. 283
    misterned says:

    Exactly. The policies will still be pro-EU, Pro politically correct division and discrimination, pro CAGW alarmism, pro immigration and pro big government getting more and more money and power over all of us.

    There is no significant difference in policy terms between labour and tory anymore.

  284. 284
    "Maude" Adams says:

    Wasn’t I a Bond Girl once ?
    Back in Sean Connery’s day of course .. I would certainly not have been seen dead playing opposite any of his delusional egomaniacal successors !

    I seem to remember we were playing around with petrol on the set even back in the day .

    As I recall there could have been a nasty accident but then Galore came with her Pussy to put it out .
    ( Very flexible that girl ).

  285. 285
    Expat Geordie says:

    It also applies to cooked chicken. So if Tesco charge me £4.00 for a take away chicken and my local chippy charge £4.50 for cod and chips, then I go to Tesco, but if the VAT now makes the chicken cost £4.80, then I go to the chippy. I can’t think of any other example where that would work though, and my local chippy doesn’t sell cans of wife beater to wash it down with.

  286. 286
    Edna Everidge's Norman says:

    No , I trhink you’ll find she went on to become Ruassell Harty.

  287. 287
    Expat Geordie says:

    Health and safety issue there? Can you reheat a cold chicken and mushroom pie?

  288. 288
    dr. sipp says:

    he said fill jerry can

    most people—what the foook is a jerry can

    i dont have one—-i will just fill my tank up full

    result—fuel shortages

    diesel in edinburgh of all places–you had to drive about to find it last night

  289. 289
    Jack Lemmon's Reporter says:

    Jeez Guido is that all the news there is ….. slow day !!

    Can’t you invent something like Ken sticking a jerry can up Boris’s arse and then berating him for farting thus causing self immolation …. or similar.

    What about Georgie G renouncing the Mohammedan doctrine and running for Pope.

  290. 290
    Estelle Morris in Limbo says:

    I think Frankie boy should take a leaf out of my book when I was Education Minister …. and write himself a letter of resignation .

  291. 291
    misterned says:

    This would have happened under new-labour too. There is no difference between them.

    Besides, this isn’t privatisation. It’s corporatisation. Thatcher privatised things. As a result these things were put into private hands and we ALL could buy into them. The tax-payer stopped paying for them in tax and paid for them directly IF they wanted to, or they could choose a competitor. Thanks to Thatcher’s privatisation, I can choose to not use BT at all.

    Under labour and the current left wing corporatist coalition, things are corporatised. This means that things are sold cheap to cronies, the tax-payer still gets shafted and there is no real competition, but a crony makes out like a bandit!

  292. 292
    misterned says:

    I had not thought of that. No wonder the lefty media were misquoting for all they are worth.

  293. 293
    misterned says:

    “so much that there a quite a few who don’t know that petrol and flames don’t make good partners.”

    They make VERY good partners in a combustion chamber. Just not in the Kitchen of an idiot who pours it out in the vicinity of a naked flame.

  294. 294
    Dobby says:

    Have I come to thr right website? The argument is at a surprsingly low level today.

  295. 295
    Durr... says:

    Yeah but, very important point this, is a Jaffa Cake a cake or a biskwit?

  296. 296
    Your Comment is awaiting moderation says:

    Ladies! NEVER masturbate with a lighted candle.

  297. 297
    Durr... says:

    I can.

  298. 298
    Keith Battye says:

    You do know that there will be no increase , overall, in the amount of fuel sold this year don’t you?

    If there is a strike though there will certainly be less sold.

  299. 299
    Anonymous says:

    Excellent blog. Stand for parliament and I will support you.

  300. 300
    Elsa Poppin says:

    Until his bubble burst.

  301. 301
    Benny the Ball says:

    Yep, the unions are being ‘forced’ to use their ultimate we*apon , the strike. Against whom? Not the Bosses , but the people of this country. Keep up the good work Lads.

  302. 302
    Bluebottle says:

    At those prices those parking spaces should be protectd by the Landlord & Tenant Act 1954 and traffic wardens in smart uniforms and flat hats.

    Is the Flying Horse still open opposite the Town Hall? Is there still Theakstons on draught? Is it still ten to three?

  303. 303
    Marion the cat says:

    Anonymous – get a life.
    Do you really think you will convince anyone here of the perceived truth and logic behind your lefty accusations.
    Similarly, Guido regulars do not waste your breath – anonymous is not up for damascene conversion.
    Anonymous, just piss off somewhere else rather than waste your time and ours.

  304. 304
    Desperate Frankie says:

    Since when did you ever see me wearing a tie, FFS?

  305. 305

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

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