March 28th, 2012

Baldamort to Brum

Michael Crick has finally caught up with what Guido told you in Daily Star Sunday on 11 March:

LEAVING the Treasury after Labour’s General Election defeat, the Birmingham MP Liam Byrne famously left a note for his successor which simply read: “Dear Chief Secretary, I’m afraid to tell you there’s no money left.” After the uproar this joke caused, Byrne, right, kept his bald head down as a backroom figure for Ed Miliband. Dubbed “Baldamort” by David Cameron, he wants to escape what could be a long opposition. We hear Byrne is being encouraged by the likes of Alan Johnson to seek Labour’s nomination as the candidate for Mayor of Birmingham. Labour sources seem almost certain he will throw his hat in the Bull-ring. With Brum having a budget of £3.5billion, though, that note might yet come back to haunt him.

It doesn’t say much for the leadership when the person in charge of the policy review for the Labour Party has had enough and is ready to jump ship. A bit like the Chairman of the Parliamentary Labour Party quitting to go and be a police commissioner… 


  1. 1
    Have i heard this one before? says:

    Have they got money to run out of then?

  2. 2
    Georgy Porgy No Pudding No Pies says:

    Labour’s ostal votes are bloody well organised up there

  3. 3
    Georgy Porgy No Pudding No Pies says:

    oo err missus – i need a p…

  4. 4
    Bohemian Rapsheet says:

    He’s the ex-investment banker from Essex who parachuted into a safe Brum seat by the Labour executive, no?

    Hopefully the inhabitants of this boring city have the sense to reject this soup and cappuccino drinking party stooge.

  5. 5
    roy says:

    anything to stop that vile expenses fiddling turd sion simon getting it by default

  6. 6
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Liam Byrne wouldn’t be a good mayor of Birmingham in a prosperous year, let alone a lean one.

  7. 7
    Nice work if you can get it says:

    How come there’s no PMQs? Have our over worked MPs fucked off on yet another long holiday?

  8. 8
    Dave's Top Tips says:

    I hear from a Ms Porter of Tel Aviv that Tesco carrier bags make excellent containers for stockpiling fuel in your hovel.

  9. 9
    my arse is yours for £250k Dave says:

    I’m having £1bn worth piped in from Persia by Shell just in case Sam and the kids need to pop out for pasties at Greggs. Okay, the last bit’s shit.

  10. 10
    - says:

    Do you really want them in parliament passing useless legislation on pasties?

  11. 11
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    errrrrrrrrr “””didnt Boris quit from Dave to go for London Mayor”

  12. 12 says:

    Should this story be true and Liam Byrne leaves his loss to the Parliamentary Labour Party will be inestimable.

  13. 13
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Mayor of Birmigham will be Sir Albert Bore ( Lab ) by a landslide. Furthermore Mike Whitby, ( Con ) current leader of Birmingham Council will also lose his council seat on May 3rd…….Nothing to see here…move on !!!!!

  14. 14
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    While I have a lot of time for Liam Byrne…he will not win the Candidacy. Point less thread

  15. 15
    Ed Balls says:

    Or abstaining from voting on millionaires’ taxes?

  16. 16
    A pragmatist says:

    Liam Byrne? Isn’t he a navvy?

  17. 17
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Guido needs to focus on Current Tory council leader of Birmingham Mike Whitby, who is the ONLY Tory candidate for Birmingham Mayor. He will be slaughtered …losing his leadership role and council seat in one swoop. Birmingham council to go from NOC with Tory leader to full Lab control at next local elections. This silly Liam thread is pointless, and Guido knows it. Millibands problem, is that he has so many local candidates vying for the role….. hardly a real problem

  18. 18

    That would be quite a feat given that Mike Whitby isn’t even up for election this year.

  19. 19
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Liam will not win candidacy….. It is already 90% in the bag for Sir Albert Bore

  20. 20
    An Anti-Pasty ‘n Strong Cider Prick Posing as PM (Fine Dining more to his taste) says:

    I say chaps! Dashed good report regarding the riots – watt?

    Proves the value of My Big Society ‘n Wind Farm Initiatives – eh? – watt?

  21. 21
    fruitcake says:

    is this thread ummm disturbing you dear?

  22. 22
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    errrrrrrrr…..If he goes for Mayor, will need to resign council seat, will not win mayoral contest, therfore double wammy loss…what part do you not understand !!!!!!!!

  23. 23
    A Doctor, writing, says:

    After prolonged investigation I find that the Leader of the Tory Party has miniscule, ineffective, and quite possibly useless cognitive function and memory.

    He therefore is little different to the Leaders of the other two parties, or, for that matter, his predecessor.

    The PM before that and his coterie of misfits was simply cunning.

  24. 24

    As I said above – Mike is not up for election this year – his seat won’t be contested until 2014.

  25. 25
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Either way Damon ( Edgbaston Tory ) Shinne, Whitby is toast. He will NOT win the Mayoral contest, and he is on the brink of losing his leadership of Birmingham City council.

  26. 26
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    SEE 22 – Edgbaston Tory. I look forward to the Whitby Slaughter

  27. 27

    Just reading the report on the recent disturbances.

    As a banker, MP, capitalist with teenage children it does seem the riots were entirely caused by myself.

  28. 28

    If he goes for Mayor he won’t resign his seat on May 3rd – the referendum to decide if we have a Mayor is that day. There is no reason for him to resign his seat at all in fact unless he’s elected as Mayor.

  29. 29
    Smig says:

    I wouldn’t let that incompetent slaphead anywhere near a pickaxe.

  30. 30

    It would be a sad day for Birmingham if that is the case – our record in power speaks volumes next to Labour’s.

  31. 31
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Its disturbing me a little. I don’t really like thinking about birmingham, and it would be very disturbing to actually know who the council leader was.

  32. 32

    We are the nasty pasty

  33. 33
    ThickAsThievesReborn says:

    Liam will be an outstanding candidate for this multicultur4l upt0pia from where, All4h-willing, the Engl1sh will have been cle4nsed before too long.

  34. 34
    sockpuppet #4 says:


  35. 35
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Dont Keep Calm

  36. 36
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:


    Dont Carry On

  37. 37
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Byrne needs his bone dome slapping.

  38. 38
    jgm2 says:

    I grew up in Birmingham. It’s was a shithole in the 1970s and it’s got a lot worse.

    I’m amazed it isn’t already rock-solid Labour.

  39. 39
    Sir William Waad says:

    Fookin’ell Guido, yow cor be serious?

  40. 40
    the taxman cometh says:

    Burgled? That’ll be 20% for me!

  41. 41
    Asian babe like beast says:

    Plenty of postal votes from “Asian Babes” up there Guido
    Your paymaster will be pleased

  42. 42
    Tory Boyzone says:

    Hi, my name is Raybould from the Tory Boyzone

    I believe that the Union representatives should be funded by tax payers.

  43. 43
    Stuff the BBC says:

    Just why does the BBC have to instruct me on the safe use of a jerry can? FFS it’s blue peter from cradle to grave.

  44. 44
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    “””Michael Crick has finally caught up with what Guido told you in Daily Star Sunday on 11 March”””


    Hardly surprising, as I doubt Michael Crick reads the Sunday Star, let alone buy it; in fact very few do.

  45. 45
    The Cabinet says:

    Do Gregg’s deliver?

  46. 46
    Selohesra says:

    My wife comes from Birmingham (well Bromsgrove really but same thing) – and gets really offended when I remind her of it.

  47. 47
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Steady Now… I may have to report you to the Tory Internet Police…56 Days.

    Poor Guido will be spending most of his time supplying IP Addresses to the Police

  48. 48
    Liam Byrne ( aka Baldemort ) says:

    Three and a half billion quid ? Is that all ?

    That was a day’s waste investment when I was working for Gordon and Ed.

  49. 49
    Ha ha hardy ha ha says:

    I expect they will do a U-turn to tax Pasties, but leave the VAT in place on Sausage Rolls.

  50. 50
    Spin that one! says:

  51. 51
    JayKay says:

    You are a complete pillock aren’t you? Repeating the same nonsense endlessly will neither make you right nor change anybody’s mind on who to vote for . Now off you go back to Nursery…

  52. 52
    Gas Gas Gas says:

    Will Scotland explode?

  53. 53
    Gooey Blob says:

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. At least you’re not part of the educational system that failed these youngsters, unless you’re also a teacher…?

  54. 54
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    So, it would appear that the BBC has more money to spend on itself each year than the City of Birmingham with its 1 million inhabitants?

  55. 55
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Don’t pies get sold as warm snacks down south?

    Up north, a few years ago, even gregs sold pies (not tried recently). I must say last time I went to a greggs in london, I was surprised there were no pies.

  56. 56
    Mick on a shovel in London, not a homosexual crypto blogger says:

    Guido, you’ll know this. Does taking it up the arse cause brain atrophy? Is Francis “Jerry Can” Maude a cretin?

  57. 57
    Gooey Blob says:

    Ah yes, Carry On At Your Convenience. Standard Labour model for trade and industry, as practiced by greedy tanker drivers.

    “Everybody out!”

  58. 58
    Dave "we're in this all together" Cameron says:

    Don’t know about Greggs, but for a couple of million I will. Name your law.

  59. 59
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    In the 1970’s I didnt live in England, and much of my view of what England was came from visits to Birmingham.

  60. 60
    " WellFed" Pastie says:

    I understand Eton Dave has said he enjoys a ” .. nice hot pastie .. ”

    Did he mean a nice hot PATSY — and if yes was he referring to a recently “demoted ” City grandee erstwhile in charge of coffers ?

  61. 61
    Asian babe like beast says:

    try a Greggs steak bake
    A guilty plaesure of mine
    cornish pasties are more suited to use as arugby ball

  62. 62
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    How about just not voting for a Labour mong in the first place?

  63. 63
    Adge cutler ( ex The Worzels ) says:

    If ahhr Dave likes a nice hot pastie so much why dun’y ‘ee cum down ‘eeere
    and sample a Stranger on the Shore ? aaargh ( Mornin’C Sou ‘West )

  64. 64
    Lord Byron 's Butler says:

    Madame — kindly tutor yourself in the basic construction of an iambic pentameter before attempting to proffer meaningful prose .

    ( Also — it doesn’t rhyme !!)

  65. 65
    Asian babe like beast says:

    Next it will be Guido in OK magazine
    “Peter Andre and Katie in shock reconciiliation over pasta with the Camerons”

  66. 66
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I’m still astonished. No such things as pies, or other places that sell heated “paté en croute” in the world of politics.

  67. 67
    Auntie Beeb says:

    Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties. Now the Weather with Laura Tobin.

    Due to the unseasonally warm weather we’re having you should be putting some factor 30 suncream on my little dears.

  68. 68
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Pastie from Greggs = 89p

    Pastie during kitchen dinner with Dave and Sammy ( daddy send harks ) Poos = £50,000

  69. 69

    But he does have an hair apparant.

  70. 70
    Everyone a sinner says:

    I would – very near.

    Ideally straight through his skull.

  71. 71
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Gideon to set up £5m commission to determine whether or not a Greggs Steak bake is a Pastie, Pie or snack food. Commission to be headed by Lady Farquahar Blithe the Third of Cheam. Lady Farquahar has already commented saying “Whose Gregg”

  72. 72
    Georgy Porgy No Pudding Cold Pies says:

    Pies are so passé

  73. 73

    I thought that only two types of people came from Brum – Hookers and footballers – What team did your good lady play for and in what position?

  74. 74
    Bristolian says:

    Down yere in Bristle we ‘as Clarke’s Pies – you dunna eat ‘em you drinks ‘em as ‘ot as you can stand. After I eats dem fish eggs fingies.

  75. 75
    Moose Limbs says:

    Praised be His Name

  76. 76
    Bristolian says:

    Oi can’t unnerstand ‘ee.

  77. 77
    Dullard says:

    You think the cabinet are rich.
    We get it.

    Post something new.
    Stop boring everyone.

  78. 78
    A Prudent Scotsman says:

    My steaming portion will not attract VAT as it is put on display warm and then left to cool down

  79. 79
    Unaligned voter says:

    What makes him think Labour will be out for a long time. On this weeks evidence they will be back wth a massive majority.

  80. 80
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Its NOT that they are rich
    Its because they are rich having done f*** all to become wealthly, and then batter the rest of us slogging our guts off

  81. 81
    Asian babe like beast says:

    you can go to bayswater, fuck a top quality tart and enjoy a chinese meal and get change from £300
    Or visit Dave , spend£49700 more get fucked n a way that you dont enjoy and unless yoy find Sams used lingerie n the bathroom you leave with full pods

  82. 82
    Baffled of Banffshire says:

    Why would anyone want to name a tax after a weather girl ?

  83. 83
    "Rug" Muncher says:

    She wasn’t a hooker, she was a tight-head prop.

    Brummie soccer football is shite anyway. Villa/BirminghamCity/WestBrom, real powerhouses those!

  84. 84
    Everyone a sinner says:

    You want fries with that?

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    I think he was referring to a nice hot pastry from his local Provence patisserie. Dave knows as much about pasties as mandelson does about mushy peas.

  86. 86
    m'Lord Prizeclot, NooLieBore Apologist & Illumination, glutton & TV star, critiquing current affairs says:

    Bludy Tories tax everything there bludy is not like what we did wi’ Tony and Gordon pies and pasties what do the bludy tories know about pies and patsies pier me come and tie up I say to the girls want a bitta fun like I know you do mind you once you touch a gal in the right place she’s like putty ask Hat in yer hands they’re gagging for it and me a pier tie up ter me I say and they like that better if they’re wiv a bitta a class like wot I am an’ speaking of class look at that going past phwoooaarrr! – wouldn’t mind checking her filling! Here’ hang on ter this willya – be back in a mo -

  87. 87
    GuardianBBCalloneword says:

    Eric Pickles should be in charge – hot pies and pasties for all !!

  88. 88
    Sir Aston Villa says:

    Yor cor be serious?

    That’s Black Country spake not Brummy. Dud-lye ay avin a bleeding mair. Any road up, that Baldymort bloke cor afford to stand. E ay got any munny.

  89. 89
    Bristolian says:

    Oi nevur sad twere Brummy yer gert nurdle. Oi gotta a mair —‘ers 14 ands.

  90. 90
    Dobby says:

    As I said at the time, biding his time I think.

  91. 91

    What did I say about your lithium, Mr. Ass-Twot!!!!!

    Nurse, he’s whooping again – fetch me the Immobiline tranquilizer gun!!!!

  92. 92
    Dobby says:

    Not a very nice thing to call him is it? I knew he was a bit of a thread, but…

  93. 93
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    Actually, I think it was supposed to be a Haiku.

  94. 94
    Bristolian says:

    Adge! I fort ee werr long dead. Pensford still welcomes ol’ Acker. Wonna c muy Sou wester?

  95. 95
    Eric Pickles says:

    For me anyway.

  96. 96
    Handycock (Teen Fondler, Molester and Russian Intern Shagger) says:

    I can’t understand the Labour and Conservative Parties. If any of their MP’s step out of line they remove the whip, look at poor Eric Joyce (Teen Fondler). In the LibDems you can do anything and retain the whip, look at me and Mark Oaten. Boaz.

  97. 97
    Parliamentary Standards Commissioner says:

    Jahbulon Handy.

  98. 98
    Grand Master, Grand Lodge, Queen Street says:

    You are both clearly the widow’s son, Hiram Abif. Boaz.

  99. 99
    Marion the cat says:

    Black Country or Brummie is not a trivial distinction round here – thank you Aston. Furthermore, Wolverhampton is neither – now perhaps we can get on ….

  100. 100
    Marion the cat says:

    For a variety of reasons it is pretty socialist, it is a shithole that has lost sight of its past. Catch any ‘bus out of Brum and you will be amazed by the numbers wearing black post boxes and can’t speak English and live close by the inner city.
    Bromsgrove (in Worcestershire) is a good few miles away and further still a few years away – not part of Birmingham yet I warrant.

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