March 28th, 2012

Baldamort to Brum

Michael Crick has finally caught up with what Guido told you in Daily Star Sunday on 11 March:

LEAVING the Treasury after Labour’s General Election defeat, the Birmingham MP Liam Byrne famously left a note for his successor which simply read: “Dear Chief Secretary, I’m afraid to tell you there’s no money left.” After the uproar this joke caused, Byrne, right, kept his bald head down as a backroom figure for Ed Miliband. Dubbed “Baldamort” by David Cameron, he wants to escape what could be a long opposition. We hear Byrne is being encouraged by the likes of Alan Johnson to seek Labour’s nomination as the candidate for Mayor of Birmingham. Labour sources seem almost certain he will throw his hat in the Bull-ring. With Brum having a budget of £3.5billion, though, that note might yet come back to haunt him.

It doesn’t say much for the leadership when the person in charge of the policy review for the Labour Party has had enough and is ready to jump ship. A bit like the Chairman of the Parliamentary Labour Party quitting to go and be a police commissioner… 


  1. 1
    Have i heard this one before? says:

    Have they got money to run out of then?


    • 2
      Georgy Porgy No Pudding No Pies says:

      Labour’s ostal votes are bloody well organised up there


      • 3
        Georgy Porgy No Pudding No Pies says:

        oo err missus – i need a p…


        • 8
          Dave's Top Tips says:

          I hear from a Ms Porter of Tel Aviv that Tesco carrier bags make excellent containers for stockpiling fuel in your hovel.


          • my arse is yours for £250k Dave says:

            I’m having £1bn worth piped in from Persia by Shell just in case Sam and the kids need to pop out for pasties at Greggs. Okay, the last bit’s shit.


          • The Cabinet says:

            Do Gregg’s deliver?


          • Mick on a shovel in London, not a homosexual crypto blogger says:

            Guido, you’ll know this. Does taking it up the arse cause brain atrophy? Is Francis “Jerry Can” Maude a cretin?


          • Dave "we're in this all together" Cameron says:

            Don’t know about Greggs, but for a couple of million I will. Name your law.


    • 7
      Nice work if you can get it says:

      How come there’s no PMQs? Have our over worked MPs fucked off on yet another long holiday?


      • 10
        - says:

        Do you really want them in parliament passing useless legislation on pasties?


        • 15
          Ed Balls says:

          Or abstaining from voting on millionaires’ taxes?


        • 49
          Ha ha hardy ha ha says:

          I expect they will do a U-turn to tax Pasties, but leave the VAT in place on Sausage Rolls.


          • sockpuppet #4 says:

            Don’t pies get sold as warm snacks down south?

            Up north, a few years ago, even gregs sold pies (not tried recently). I must say last time I went to a greggs in london, I was surprised there were no pies.


          • Georgy Porgy No Pudding Cold Pies says:

            Pies are so passé


          • Bristolian says:

            Down yere in Bristle we ‘as Clarke’s Pies – you dunna eat ‘em you drinks ‘em as ‘ot as you can stand. After I eats dem fish eggs fingies.


      • 23
        A Doctor, writing, says:

        After prolonged investigation I find that the Leader of the Tory Party has miniscule, ineffective, and quite possibly useless cognitive function and memory.

        He therefore is little different to the Leaders of the other two parties, or, for that matter, his predecessor.

        The PM before that and his coterie of misfits was simply cunning.


    • 33
      ThickAsThievesReborn says:

      Liam will be an outstanding candidate for this multicultur4l upt0pia from where, All4h-willing, the Engl1sh will have been cle4nsed before too long.


    • 39
      Sir William Waad says:

      Fookin’ell Guido, yow cor be serious?


      • 76
        Bristolian says:

        Oi can’t unnerstand ‘ee.


      • 88
        Sir Aston Villa says:

        Yor cor be serious?

        That’s Black Country spake not Brummy. Dud-lye ay avin a bleeding mair. Any road up, that Baldymort bloke cor afford to stand. E ay got any munny.


        • 89
          Bristolian says:

          Oi nevur sad twere Brummy yer gert nurdle. Oi gotta a mair —‘ers 14 ands.


        • 99
          Marion the cat says:

          Black Country or Brummie is not a trivial distinction round here – thank you Aston. Furthermore, Wolverhampton is neither – now perhaps we can get on ….


  2. 4
    Bohemian Rapsheet says:

    He’s the ex-investment banker from Essex who parachuted into a safe Brum seat by the Labour executive, no?

    Hopefully the inhabitants of this boring city have the sense to reject this soup and cappuccino drinking party stooge.


  3. 5
    roy says:

    anything to stop that vile expenses fiddling turd sion simon getting it by default


  4. 11
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    errrrrrrrrr “””didnt Boris quit from Dave to go for London Mayor”


  5. 12 says:

    Should this story be true and Liam Byrne leaves his loss to the Parliamentary Labour Party will be inestimable.


    • 19
      SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

      Liam will not win candidacy….. It is already 90% in the bag for Sir Albert Bore


      • 96
        Handycock (Teen Fondler, Molester and Russian Intern Shagger) says:

        I can’t understand the Labour and Conservative Parties. If any of their MP’s step out of line they remove the whip, look at poor Eric Joyce (Teen Fondler). In the LibDems you can do anything and retain the whip, look at me and Mark Oaten. Boaz.


  6. 13
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Mayor of Birmigham will be Sir Albert Bore ( Lab ) by a landslide. Furthermore Mike Whitby, ( Con ) current leader of Birmingham Council will also lose his council seat on May 3rd…….Nothing to see here…move on !!!!!


    • 18

      That would be quite a feat given that Mike Whitby isn’t even up for election this year.


      • 22
        SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

        errrrrrrrr…..If he goes for Mayor, will need to resign council seat, will not win mayoral contest, therfore double wammy loss…what part do you not understand !!!!!!!!


        • 28

          If he goes for Mayor he won’t resign his seat on May 3rd – the referendum to decide if we have a Mayor is that day. There is no reason for him to resign his seat at all in fact unless he’s elected as Mayor.


      • 25
        SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

        Either way Damon ( Edgbaston Tory ) Shinne, Whitby is toast. He will NOT win the Mayoral contest, and he is on the brink of losing his leadership of Birmingham City council.


        • 30

          It would be a sad day for Birmingham if that is the case – our record in power speaks volumes next to Labour’s.


        • 38
          jgm2 says:

          I grew up in Birmingham. It’s was a shithole in the 1970s and it’s got a lot worse.

          I’m amazed it isn’t already rock-solid Labour.


          • Selohesra says:

            My wife comes from Birmingham (well Bromsgrove really but same thing) – and gets really offended when I remind her of it.


          • sockpuppet #4 says:

            In the 1970’s I didnt live in England, and much of my view of what England was came from visits to Birmingham.


          • Marion the cat says:

            For a variety of reasons it is pretty socialist, it is a shithole that has lost sight of its past. Catch any ‘bus out of Brum and you will be amazed by the numbers wearing black post boxes and can’t speak English and live close by the inner city.
            Bromsgrove (in Worcestershire) is a good few miles away and further still a few years away – not part of Birmingham yet I warrant.


        • 73

          I thought that only two types of people came from Brum – Hookers and footballers – What team did your good lady play for and in what position?


          • "Rug" Muncher says:

            She wasn’t a hooker, she was a tight-head prop.

            Brummie soccer football is shite anyway. Villa/BirminghamCity/WestBrom, real powerhouses those!


  7. 14
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    While I have a lot of time for Liam Byrne…he will not win the Candidacy. Point less thread


  8. 17
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Guido needs to focus on Current Tory council leader of Birmingham Mike Whitby, who is the ONLY Tory candidate for Birmingham Mayor. He will be slaughtered …losing his leadership role and council seat in one swoop. Birmingham council to go from NOC with Tory leader to full Lab control at next local elections. This silly Liam thread is pointless, and Guido knows it. Millibands problem, is that he has so many local candidates vying for the role….. hardly a real problem


  9. 20
    An Anti-Pasty ‘n Strong Cider Prick Posing as PM (Fine Dining more to his taste) says:

    I say chaps! Dashed good report regarding the riots – watt?

    Proves the value of My Big Society ‘n Wind Farm Initiatives – eh? – watt?


  10. 27

    Just reading the report on the recent disturbances.

    As a banker, MP, capitalist with teenage children it does seem the riots were entirely caused by myself.


    • 53
      Gooey Blob says:

      Don’t be too hard on yourself. At least you’re not part of the educational system that failed these youngsters, unless you’re also a teacher…?


  11. 35
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Dont Keep Calm


  12. 36
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:


    Dont Carry On


    • 57
      Gooey Blob says:

      Ah yes, Carry On At Your Convenience. Standard Labour model for trade and industry, as practiced by greedy tanker drivers.

      “Everybody out!”


  13. 37
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Byrne needs his bone dome slapping.


  14. 40
    the taxman cometh says:

    Burgled? That’ll be 20% for me!


  15. 41
    Asian babe like beast says:

    Plenty of postal votes from “Asian Babes” up there Guido
    Your paymaster will be pleased


    • 47
      SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

      Steady Now… I may have to report you to the Tory Internet Police…56 Days.

      Poor Guido will be spending most of his time supplying IP Addresses to the Police


  16. 42
    Tory Boyzone says:

    Hi, my name is Raybould from the Tory Boyzone

    I believe that the Union representatives should be funded by tax payers.


  17. 43
    Stuff the BBC says:

    Just why does the BBC have to instruct me on the safe use of a jerry can? FFS it’s blue peter from cradle to grave.


    • 54
      Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

      So, it would appear that the BBC has more money to spend on itself each year than the City of Birmingham with its 1 million inhabitants?


    • 67
      Auntie Beeb says:

      Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties, Ashcroft, Tory cuts, Murdoch, Greggs pasties. Now the Weather with Laura Tobin.

      Due to the unseasonally warm weather we’re having you should be putting some factor 30 suncream on my little dears.


  18. 44
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    “””Michael Crick has finally caught up with what Guido told you in Daily Star Sunday on 11 March”””


    Hardly surprising, as I doubt Michael Crick reads the Sunday Star, let alone buy it; in fact very few do.


  19. 48
    Liam Byrne ( aka Baldemort ) says:

    Three and a half billion quid ? Is that all ?

    That was a day’s waste investment when I was working for Gordon and Ed.


  20. 50
    Spin that one! says:


    • 61
      Asian babe like beast says:

      try a Greggs steak bake
      A guilty plaesure of mine
      cornish pasties are more suited to use as arugby ball


      • 64
        Lord Byron 's Butler says:

        Madame — kindly tutor yourself in the basic construction of an iambic pentameter before attempting to proffer meaningful prose .

        ( Also — it doesn’t rhyme !!)


    • 66
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      I’m still astonished. No such things as pies, or other places that sell heated “paté en croute” in the world of politics.


  21. 60
    " WellFed" Pastie says:

    I understand Eton Dave has said he enjoys a ” .. nice hot pastie .. ”

    Did he mean a nice hot PATSY — and if yes was he referring to a recently “demoted ” City grandee erstwhile in charge of coffers ?


    • 85
      Anonymous says:

      I think he was referring to a nice hot pastry from his local Provence patisserie. Dave knows as much about pasties as mandelson does about mushy peas.


  22. 63
    Adge cutler ( ex The Worzels ) says:

    If ahhr Dave likes a nice hot pastie so much why dun’y ‘ee cum down ‘eeere
    and sample a Stranger on the Shore ? aaargh ( Mornin’C Sou ‘West )


    • 94
      Bristolian says:

      Adge! I fort ee werr long dead. Pensford still welcomes ol’ Acker. Wonna c muy Sou wester?


  23. 68
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Pastie from Greggs = 89p

    Pastie during kitchen dinner with Dave and Sammy ( daddy send harks ) Poos = £50,000


    • 81
      Asian babe like beast says:

      you can go to bayswater, fuck a top quality tart and enjoy a chinese meal and get change from £300
      Or visit Dave , spend£49700 more get fucked n a way that you dont enjoy and unless yoy find Sams used lingerie n the bathroom you leave with full pods


  24. 71
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Gideon to set up £5m commission to determine whether or not a Greggs Steak bake is a Pastie, Pie or snack food. Commission to be headed by Lady Farquahar Blithe the Third of Cheam. Lady Farquahar has already commented saying “Whose Gregg”


    • 77
      Dullard says:

      You think the cabinet are rich.
      We get it.

      Post something new.
      Stop boring everyone.


      • 80
        SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

        Its NOT that they are rich
        Its because they are rich having done f*** all to become wealthly, and then batter the rest of us slogging our guts off


    • 86
      m'Lord Prizeclot, NooLieBore Apologist & Illumination, glutton & TV star, critiquing current affairs says:

      Bludy Tories tax everything there bludy is not like what we did wi’ Tony and Gordon pies and pasties what do the bludy tories know about pies and patsies pier me come and tie up I say to the girls want a bitta fun like I know you do mind you once you touch a gal in the right place she’s like putty ask Hat in yer hands they’re gagging for it and me a pier tie up ter me I say and they like that better if they’re wiv a bitta a class like wot I am an’ speaking of class look at that going past phwoooaarrr! – wouldn’t mind checking her filling! Here’ hang on ter this willya – be back in a mo -


    • 87
      GuardianBBCalloneword says:

      Eric Pickles should be in charge – hot pies and pasties for all !!


  25. 78
    A Prudent Scotsman says:

    My steaming portion will not attract VAT as it is put on display warm and then left to cool down


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