March 26th, 2012

Sarah Southern “Accepts She’s F****d”

With Downing Street aides declaring to the Lobby that Sarah Southern is “persona non grata” her former colleagues are a little less diplomatic. Guido’s favourite joke so far being

CCHQ Staffer: Knock, knock…
GF: Who’s there?
CCHQ: Sarah…
GF: Sarah who?
CCHQ: Yeah, exactly.

Nothing like a bit of gallows humour, but the more information that emerges, the more this looks like an accident waiting to happen…

Reportedly on the verge of being sacked for incompetence as a coordinator in 2007,  Southern mysteriously quit on the day she was due to meet HR and senior staff. Conveniently Lord Ashcroft immediately gave her a job working for the International Young Democrat Union, which he was bankrolling at the time. This was during the height of his empire in CCHQ which included multiple desk spaces and his own glass office. Southern stayed around CCHQ reporting to Ashcroft until 2009 when everyone seemed to have forgotten about the whole mystery non-sacking. She then joined the events team though Guido has been unable to stand up her claims that she went shopping with Sam Cam on election day. CCHQ Op-Notes from the time suggest she was the logistics contact for a Cameron speech in Carlisle the day before…

The photograph on her now infamous business card was taken at the CCHQ thank you party after the election in the Rose Garden at Downing Street. Southern did not make it into government and instead embarked on a career in public affairs. Lobbying industry insiders tell Guido that they were put off  by her “it is not what you know, but who” attitude and belief that it would be enough to secure her work. In interviews she blamed the coalition for a lack of job in No.10 and boasted that she was at the peak of her insider knowledge and thus the perfect time to move on.  With no agency seemingly willing to take her on, she set up Sarah Southern Consulting. And the rest they say is history…

The line that will haunt her forever will be the Draperesque “I am friends with all the people who are now his closest advisers. I’m friends with the people who are chiefs of staff to members of the cabinet. I’m also friends with a number of people in the cabinet”. Those friends tell Guido that the one time insider “accepts she’s f****d”.

Don’t worry Sarah, bragging about contacts didn’t stop Dolly coming back… 


  1. 1
    Dave says:

    How many educated idiots are there in westminster.

  2. 2
    Rupert my Hero says:

    I can go one better, My Grandfather knew Lloyd George, so there

  3. 3
    Tachybaptus says:

    Boastful, incompetent and obsessed with personalities: the perfect combination for a Westminster lobbyist. She’ll be back.

  4. 4
    Big Bad Tom says:

  5. 5
    Jagman 84 says:

    One less now!

  6. 6
    Some Geezer wot's "heard things," nudge-wink says:

    It’s not WHAT you know and it isn’t WHO you know– it’s what you know ABOUT who you know, that gets you what you want, seemingly.

  7. 7
    Rupert my Hero says:

    Didn’t do him any good though, he still got shot in the First World War, bit like sacked ( almost ) Sarahhhhhhhhhhhh

  8. 8
    Too Far says:

    When the shit hits the fan….. the shit keeps coming.. don’t we all love it?

  9. 9
    AC1 says:

    Credentialed idiots.

  10. 10
    Too Far says:

    To add… bullshit!!!

  11. 11
    Not. says:

    Riveting stuff.

    Possibly appe*als to Twitter users, though.

  12. 12
    It could have been worse. says:

    But for the Grace of God she could have ended-up on one of Camoron’s discriminatory all-female selection lists and now be an MP.

  13. 13
    Emma says:

    I saw her with Maude, walking with a coffee, only months ago. U sure she didnt get a role? It was captured on BBC, during union negotiations.

  14. 14
    God's Holy Trousers says:

    I believe you bear more than a passing resemblance to a horse’s arse.

  15. 15
    Sally's Alley says:

    She looks like a gal who could far!

  16. 16
    Anonymous says:

    If Sarah was a man she will be fucking few minsters!

  17. 17
    Sally's Alley says:

    I’m sure I’ve seen her somewhere! – but she looks like a gal who could go far – if she put that nose to good use!

  18. 18
    Lord Jensen Interceptor says:

    She won’t be on her back – she is a dog. Better if she lies on her belly and does anal – then you don’t have to look at her face.

  19. 19
    JH says:

    Tom, you made out like a bandit claiming on your flat. You are corrupt, and should be at the back of the queue to be on some sort of rightful moral crusade.

    Your pitiful, petulant attempts to punish Murdoch for not supporting your party at the last election failed in spectacular fashion, not least after your pathetic oh-so-carefully-rehearsed Mafia line which undermined the entire enquiry.

    Now fuck off, Billy fucking Bunter. A fat twat in designer specs and a suit is still a fat twat.

  20. 20
    Desperate Dan says:

    Panorama was going to put out a programme about hacking this evening but now that Labour are best friends with Murdoch again the programme is being re-edited to put the blame for hacking on David Cameron.

  21. 21
    81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

    guess whose picture is on my business card

  22. 22
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Must be excessive use of the whip whilst hacking on public bridleways.

  23. 23
    ToonBob.... says:

    Let us hope she is good at Egyptian PT :)

  24. 24
    Fish says:

    Yeah OK shitface. Panorama, got it. But who is this Sarah Southern?

  25. 25
    Edinburgh brings out its ugly doppelgangers says:

    Ha! Ha! Ha!

  26. 26
    George Lees says:

    Yes blam it on a woman dave

  27. 27
    Des Lynham says:

    this just gets better

  28. 28

    Not with yours on the end of a long stick, thank you.

  29. 29
    PC clitoris says:

    saw her giving camaroon a wank but did it to fast and now he’s a spent force.

  30. 30
    I'll have some of that says:

    Thanks for the background. We go from bad to worse. Dave probably thought she was bright.

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