March 23rd, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Binge Britain Edition)


343 Comments

  1. 1
    Troll spotter says:

    “Heres to you Nan”

    Like

    • 45
      LIKES A DAMN TIPPLE says:

      “I AM AN ILLIBERAL Hunt WHO WANTS ANYONE WITH ANY CONSERVATIVE TENDENCIES WHATSOEVER TO VOTE UKIP AT THE NEXT ELECTION.”

      Sorry, that’s more a rant than a caption. Still, needed to be said.

      Like

      • 49
        LIKES A DAMN TIPPLE says:

        LOL at autoHuhne. Guido you joker.

        Like

      • 340
        Marion the cat says:

        Oh Dave, Dave, Dave – you really are the true successor to Blair. Remember Blair and aspirin and Blair and cheese.
        Dave just because you advisors were socialist/stupid enough to advise to steal from pensioners their diminishing allowance, just because you gave the rich 5% off their tax at some stage in the future. You’ve pleased none of the people none of the time.
        I suspect your real attitude to the EU means you have the nod of a good job later (A La Kinnochio).
        And your response to being caught out and shown to be the charlatan that you are – lets hit people that enjoy a drink (bet you believed or were told that it would be popular and put things right).
        It will make not make a jot of a difference Dave, if you were closer to the population you would know that, btw please tell me were I can get decent strength lager at 20p YOU MORON, you just get rabbit’s piss at 0.00005% alcohol.
        I have voted Tory all my life even through the Heath years – but you are something else, something worse.
        UKIP here I come and with loads of others as well.
        Dave, you have done nothing to sort out the real problems – which is why we voted for you. Even Brown would have been preferable – at least he believed in what he was doing.
        Down your pint – drown the sorrows I hope you feel in the quiet moments.
        FAILURE,

        Like

    • 55
      Regan MacNeil says:

      Five more and it’s Pavement Kaleidoscope

      Like

    • 59
      Anonymous says:

      On taxpayer expense, I can afford a horse as well now thanks to my friend. How are you doing Nan, want to be my cleaner?

      Like

    • 97
      Cameron says:

      I am too rich to pay tax.

      Like

    • 120
      Professor says:

      Gottlethegeer

      Like

    • 133
      J . Lewis-List says:

      “Ah, so that’s what Oiks drink”

      Like

    • 141
      Anonymous says:

      £120, it is half of what Cameron is taking from my granny!

      Like

      • 156
        David Camoron says:

        Yes, but one day your granny will switch on her TV and watch Indian astronauts heading for the Moon, and she can say, “I am so proud helped pay for that!”

        (If she hasn’t had to sell her TV in order to afford some food, of course.)

        Toodle pip!

        Like

        • 179
          Lord Michael Caine says:

          Speaking of India recipient of our aid ‘not a lot of people know this’ but India has just loaned $10 billion to the IMF.

          Like

        • 186
          Anonymous says:

          Relieved to note they are going to the moon & not adding to the effnic count over here.

          Like

        • 188
          Anonymous says:

          You mean Indian astronauts using our overseas aid?

          Like

          • David Camoron says:

            Hole in one, old chap. Precisely.

            But it doesn’t all go to India, good Lord no – I’m giving hundreds of millions to Pa ki stan so they can build more nuclear bombs.

            As I’m sure you know with your stocks and shares, it’s good to diversify.

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            David Camoron, or they could give it to talaban.

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            Pak istan can build a bo-mb or give it to Ta-laban to test our boy’s personal carriers.

            Like

      • 159
        Anonymous says:

        Tories are scum.

        Like

        • 171
          David Camoron says:

          I believe the expression you’re looking for is “Tories are filthy scum.”

          As if I care. Now shut up you little oik, I’m off to mug your granny and give her money to my filthy-rich pals.

          Toodle pip!

          Like

        • 172
          yeah, right.... says:

          Crikey Eric, hit the sauce early today, haven’t we?

          Like

        • 317
          'cutio says:

          S.S.T. see above@236

          Like

      • 175
        Spot the Cunt says:

        Here he goes again.

        C unt.

        Like

    • 196
      HEALTH AND SAFETY EXECUTIVE says:

      REPLIES TO THE NUMBER ONE COMMENT CONTRAVENE THE EU WOKING DIRECTIVE ”MAKING SURE SURE MY SHIT POST IS READ” SUBSECTION THREE ”IT MAKES THE PLACE LOOK UNTIDY” PARAGRAPH TWELVE ”YOU WON’T WIN ANYWAY”

      Like

    • 240
      Anonymous says:

      Apart from the Prime Minister, no other Cabinet minister admitted to earning enough to be caught by the top rate, which applies to annual incomes over £150,000 a year.
      This is despite several of Mr Cameron’s colleagues likely to receive unspecified levels of income from blind trusts, private firms and other property assets.

      http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/budget/9161305/Budget-2012-David-Cameron-is-only-Cabinet-member-known-to-pay-top-rate-of-tax.html

      Like

    • 246
      JJ says:

      Brilliant.

      Like

    • 286
      Splodge says:

      Fuck off you proles! All your pints are belong to me!

      Like

    • 289
      Only in the Graun says:

      Your round I think Theresa!

      Like

  2. 2
    Troll spotter says:

    “The drinks are on the taxpayers”

    Like

    • 65
      Cameron says:

      What is tax?

      Like

      • 86
        Cameron says:

        I am too poor to pay tax.

        Like

      • 181
        David Camoron says:

        Tax is something one avoids. A bit like pensioners, at the moment. Horrible people, with wrinkly faces. And quite a lot of anger. Awful angry wrinkly people. How yucky!

        Like

        • 301
          Anon. says:

          Not as much anger as you, apparently. Nor as big a chip on their shoulders.

          Like

          • Qui Bono says:

            Black velvet and a buller boy’s smile
            Black velvet ‘cos I’m the only one with guile
            A new religion that’ll bring tax you to your knees
            Guido, Harry and the rest of you fucking proles….
            Stop drinking if you please

            Like

          • I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

            Black Ham is better!

            Like

  3. 3
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Don’t be Vague, do a Hague.

    Like

  4. 4
    Robert Catesby says:

    No matter how much of this I drink, I still won’t be as clueless as Miliband.

    Like

  5. 5
    Ken "the Newt" Livingtsone says:

    Oi! That’s my sauce!!

    Like

  6. 6
    Chris Gillibrand says:

    I can afford it, even if you can’t

    Like

  7. 7
    Tuscan Tony says:

    “I’m a pint is half tax kinda guy”

    Like

  8. 8
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    (muffled)

    “What is a unit anyway?”

    “And for that matter what is 40p?”

    Like

  9. 9
    John H says:

    Drink away your Budget blues…

    Like

  10. 10

    Drink enough of these and its like looking at the world througgh a kaleidoscope

    Like

  11. 11
    Troll spotter says:

    “Here to Gordon, the master of stealth tax”

    Like

  12. 12
    Toucan says:

    My goodness, my Guinness!

    Like

  13. 13
    Chris John says:

    I’ve done my bit for the ‘millionaires cabinet’ and now I’m doing my bit for the latest Irish recession

    Like

  14. 14
    Iain_31 says:

    “Bloody Theresa May is enough to drive anyone to drink”

    Like

  15. 15
    Jeffrey Bernard says:

    Since Rebekkah lost the horse, Dave has stuck to the sauce.

    Like

  16. 16
    Paddy Briggs says:

    Man dat “Black Velvet” sure hits de parts others don’t reach!

    Like

  17. 17
    MB says:

    After a nice day watching the rowing at Henley, Dave decides to join a different type of boat race…

    Like

  18. 18
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Two Etonians, one glass.

    Like

  19. 19
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Now, Can I have an Irish passport too?

    Like

  20. 20
    Eric Joyce says:

    Who photo-shopped me?

    Like

  21. 22
    Grommit says:

    Guinness and vodka the recommended cocktail for preloading before PMQs.

    Like

  22. 23
    Drewster says:

    1. “Feck, I needed that, especially after forcing Gideon to make sure my fellow miwionairres were well taken care of in the Budget. As for the pensioners, feck ‘em!”

    2. “Thanks for the heads-up, Bertie, tell your IFA I’ll be in touch.”

    Like

  23. 24
    Troll spotter says:

    “Thats what you get for fox hunting”

    Like

  24. 25
    I Squiggle says:

    Right, that’s the seventh, better go off and do PMQs..

    Like

  25. 26
    Troll spotter says:

    “I am going to need this if Guido is going to run through the street naked”

    Like

  26. 27
    the scrote says:

    Tosser

    Like

  27. 28

    With a mouthful of something dark and Irish, Dave couldn’t help think back to his recent Washington visit…

    Like

  28. 30
    I Squiggle says:

    Bugger, there’s a shilling in the bottom..

    Like

  29. 31
    Troll spotter says:

    “From Top Totty to Toff Tory”

    Like

  30. 32
    Steve Miliband says:

    I like my shit black

    Like

  31. 33
    john west says:

    at least theres one thing the paddies haven’t f’ucked up

    Like

  32. 34
    kaleidoscopeland says:

    By necking a few more of these subsidised beauties in double quick time I am definitely taking a short cut to a kaleidoscope explosion. All over the evil dwarf with any luck.

    Like

  33. 35
    James R says:

    Homophobic chain-smoking binge-drinking car-driving pensioner with property in a corporate vehicle seizes the opportunity to glass Cameron.

    Like

  34. 36
    Lord Stansted says:

    I for one am pick sick of politicians of all particies moralising over drink. If the NHS is suffering then charge people who are treated for “alcohol related” diseases, although of course they’ll have paid already though taxation.

    Like

    • 117
      Mary J Binge says:

      Then they’ll charge if your too fat, too thin, smoke, dangerous sports, get hit by your own wife, where would it stop!!

      Like

    • 145
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      I’ve said this.

      I have a friend who is an ambulance paramedic. He tells me that most of his Friday and Saturday evenings are spent picking up people who are absolutely legless from night clubs and taking them to hospital.

      If they were charged, say, £70 for an ambulance, it might make them think twice.

      Like

      • 151
        Cynical-old-bag says:

        I’ve said this.

        I have a f*riend who is an a*mbulance p*aramedic. He t*ells me that most of his Friday and Saturday evenings are spent picking up people who are a*bsolutely l*egless from n*ight c*lubs and taking them to h*ospital.

        If they were ch*arged, say, £*70 for an a*mbulance, it might make them think twice.

        Sorry for asterisks. The first post got m*odded.

        Like

  35. 37
    Steve Miliband says:

    Balls has his nice and soft voice for the Jeremy Vinyl show. You’re still a c*nt

    Like

  36. 38
    M says:

    The strangers bar books New ventrillarquist act

    Like

  37. 39
    Lt Col Kilgore says:

    One more gulp and then Bercow’s getting glassed.

    Like

  38. 40
    timebandit says:

    ‘granny tax’ boy do I need a drink before the ‘tramp tax’ kicks in

    Like

  39. 41
    B Lloyd says:

    And you wondered how I would spend my extra £40K per year!

    Like

  40. 42
    Troll spotter says:

    “Come on william, 3 down 8 to go. Tally Ho”

    Like

  41. 43
    Jon B says:

    Preloading? No sorry thats for the ordinary folks, what I’m actually doing is freeloading!

    Like

  42. 44
    matthew Hopkins says:

    Quick before Joyce gets here…

    Like

  43. 46
    Troll spotter says:

    “Is that Owen Jones in the Rolls royce? Doesnt he have a ASBO?”

    Like

  44. 47
    cunt watch says:

    Nannying fuckwit.

    Fuck off.

    Like

  45. 48
    Rejoyce says:

    This bar is full of fucking Labour.

    Like

  46. 50
    Gonk says:

    ” I’ll have another please barman and a fruit based drink for Ed , your Majesty, another double “

    Like

  47. 51
    Andrew Lansley (bastard) says:

    I am a total hypocrite.

    Like

  48. 52
    polarii says:

    May: “It’s a minimum pricing pre-load!”
    Country: “Surely pre-lash?”

    Like

  49. 53
    Troll spotter says:

    “Knees up Mother Brown”

    Like

  50. 54
    matthew Hopkins says:

    Anyone seen the bar steward? Oi Prescott hurry up…

    Like

  51. 56
    Fartypants says:

    Dave just couldn’t stop thinking about that Tulisa video.

    Like

  52. 57
    Sp8yboy says:

    Right, come here Bercow, I’ll have you, you little bastard…

    Like

  53. 58
    B Lloyd says:

    “Here George – the next round is on YOUR nan”, winked Dave

    Like

  54. 60
    Troll spotter says:

    “Thank Labour for Ed”

    Like

  55. 61
    polarii says:

    Alternatively:
    Ken: “I see our Prime Minister has seasonal bronchitis too…”

    For those of you that missed the reference: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/my-10am-tots-are-medicinal-says-whiskyswilling-ken-livingstone-6684763.html

    Like

  56. 62
    Ian E says:

    Potato-head!

    Like

  57. 64
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I’m going to go dull again. I was thinking along the lines of charlie kennedy, Dave being rich. etc.

    But heres where I end up: Many people are wealthy enough for it really to not matter how much alcohol costs. If you’re a millionaire the effect of pricing is the same as if it was 1p/unit for someone on the minimum wage.

    So I’d ask dave: why do YOU not drink too much? What stops you? Why did Charles Kennedy throw his political career away for the sake of drink?

    Its a reminder to the rest of us that politics is all about what “other people” do.

    Like

    • 157
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      They know people d**rink.

      It’s just another good way of getting more money out of all of us.

      Like

  58. 66
    Darren says:

    We’re not drunks we are millionaires.

    Like

  59. 67
    Glugalug says:

    Me and Eric hate meeting Tories the Strangers’ Bar.

    Like

  60. 68
    Troll spotter says:

    “First offender indentified in clampdown on binge drinking”

    Like

  61. 69
    Stephen says:

    Sip. Savour. 2012, a bad year for pensioners, the work shy and you!

    Like

  62. 70
    Clareyh says:

    Let me try this pre-loading malarky then.

    Like

  63. 71
    Cricket Bat says:

    Cameron thrilled with the final stages of the Irish Peace Process.

    Like

  64. 72
    Cut the Crimbo tax, Cameron! says:

    Thinks: All the way to America to get a bloody pint: unbelievable. It’s not the pubs doing a Darling on me by banning me that I mind, but did the supermarkets, clubs and corner shops all have to join in?

    Like

  65. 73
    Keith says:

    I’d rather down a porter than be in Portadown

    Like

  66. 74
    Stuart Davis says:

    Is this port corked?

    Like

  67. 75
    dia2digits says:

    Gottal of gear

    Like

  68. 76
    Anonymous says:

    just “Preloading” Dave ?

    Like

  69. 77
    Gulb says:

    ‘Pilsbury Dough Boy in shocking change of brand allegiance’

    ‘David Cameron downs pint of Guinness and shouts “I fucking love the weekend” at a passing pensioner’ (Reuters)

    Like

  70. 78
    Sir everard Digby says:

    Better get as many of these down as I can before the prices rise.

    Like

  71. 79
    Marshal Ney says:

    ‘This bar is full of ****ing Tories,’ said Dave.

    Like

  72. 80
    culloden says:

    First pint in the pub and I’m completely shitfaced! Must be the ten I pre-loaded back at home.

    Like

  73. 81
    Jakeswake says:

    ‘Is that phlegm in my pint?’

    Like

  74. 82
    Shane Warne says:

    ‘So you say if I ‘pre-load’ enough of this stuff it’ll make Andrew Lansley go away? Really? Ok… Theresa, stop! What are you doing? THERESA!’

    Like

  75. 83
    Smollensky says:

    As Ed would tweet can’t beat a bit of the block stuff

    Like

  76. 84
    Gary Clarke says:

    One more of these and I’ll show you a Kaleidoscope Britain, Bercow.

    Like

  77. 85

    He wastes
    That’s what he does…………………………..

    And i’ll tell you what
    Grandma’s on tick, followed tax, followed more tick, followed tax.

    Cameron says “I don’t care who you are,
    or what you dream!”

    The old grandad returns to the bar.
    “Here’s to you, Davehab!”

    And the fat cat hit the pensioners,
    with all his heart.

    Here’s to wasting.

    {on foreign aid, EU, IMF bailouts for Greece, windfarms etc}

    PURE GUTLESS

    Like

  78. 87
    Steve Miliband says:

    Just don’t keep Harping on about it

    Like

  79. 89
    A pragmatist says:

    It’s the only place in Westminster I can get good head.

    Like

  80. 91
    Some Geezer wot wonders who sealed the "bung" hole in this keg says:

    “Fees for ‘Product Placement’ will become an ever more important part of our revenue stream going forth,” he announced, as he made sure to hold the glass, just right, for the photographers.

    (Guido, I disqualify myself from winning the prize, as I’m teetotal; give the prize to someone who can enjoy it– some Scottish MP, perhaps?)

    Like

  81. 92
    Tony Lally says:

    The only way they can accuse me of being liberal

    Like

  82. 93
    The Last Of The Few says:

    I dont know why Sam complains so much ………………. cant be worse than swallowing this stuff !

    Like

  83. 94
    A pragmatist says:

    And now I’ll take the piss on the floor.

    Like

  84. 95
    molly knew says:

    Must get this pre-load seen off before being hit with those ludicrous House of Commons prices.

    Like

  85. 96
    Piz tup Dave says:

    George and I always have 12 pints of Guinness before we write the budget

    Like

    • 103
      Backstairs Billy Vague says:

      I’m a 10 pints-a-day kinda guy.

      Like

    • 110
      Mary J Binge says:

      Dave sups another subsidised pint in the Strangers before vomitting on Eric Joyce who then headbutts a few tories before smashing a window.

      But, in all fairness, it’s not like they’re causing a disturbance on public streets, that’s why they are reducing the price of booze in the Palace of Westminster and increasing it for the public.

      Like

  86. 97
    FavershamAss says:

    BLURGH! So this is what one drinks if not in the 45p tax bracket?

    Like

  87. 99
    Paul says:

    Proof that the “Pure Genius” claim is a fraud.

    Like

  88. 100
    Troll spotter says:

    “The only way is Guiness”

    Like

  89. 101
    call me dave too says:

    Think I’ll order some rolls to chuck the bar oik next.

    Like

  90. 102
    Joss Askin says:

    Podgy faced c’unt. Is it Ed Balls?

    Like

  91. 104
    A pragmatist says:

    “I…I..I…’ll iver anovva one,hic.”

    “Another pint, Prime Minister?”

    “No another liver”.

    Like

  92. 105

    This flatter than my budget

    Like

  93. 106
    Shitting Treacle Later says:

    “George was right. It does taste better when you have a drink subsidised by taxing someone else’s pension.”

    Like

  94. 107
    neil ward says:

    there are too many socialists in this bar

    Like

  95. 108
    Steve Miliband says:

    Guineas? I thought you said Guinness

    Like

  96. 109
    Liarpoliticians says:

    We’re stealing your earnings, your savings, your pension, your benefits. We’re making sure you can’t heat your home or drive anywhere with fuel tax rises. We’ve kept Labour’s “Open Borders” ™, we’re using the left’s cancer of political correctness to subjugate you, we are spending EXACTLY like Labour, we are not doing serious cutting of the public sector spending, we have wasted £18bn on the political w**k-fest Olympics and £10bn+ on black-ops internet interception kit to spy on what you are doing on-line (nobodies like you are a threat to the government you see). We’re still claiming obscene House of Commons expenses claims, and we made sure that a sacrificial one or two went to prison to deflect attention from the other 600 fraudster MPs and peers caught fiddling.

    And just to make sure you can’t drown your sorrows of all this fraud and corruption from the second worse government in the UK’s history, we’ve upped the tax we steal from you from booze.

    Please vote Conservative in 2015!!!

    Like

    • 339
      Marion the cat says:

      Nice summary – needed to be said.
      Just wish Labour had a real leader (not Ed), or that UKIP were just a little more than a one-trick-pony

      Like

  97. 111
    Stinkfinger says:

    What is the difference between a Pint of Guinness and David Cameron?
    One is a stout brew,rich in Iron.
    The other one isn’t.

    Like

  98. 112
    odeston says:

    That’s the first of my five a day….. Now for Ed the Unready…..

    Like

  99. 113
    Rob Broome says:

    “I’ve got a bet for you Dave, if you can’t bolt another pint straight after this you have to use the word ‘kaleidoscope’ in PMQ’s.”

    Like

  100. 114
    Phuquit says:

    Who are you fuckin’ lookin’ at?

    Like

  101. 116

    No-one has caught on to my cunning tactic of peering through the bottom of this glass to see Sally Bercow’s tits.

    Like

  102. 118
    Anonymous says:

    Good things come to those who wait.

    Like

  103. 119

    Cameron: “Just one more and I will have beaten Hagues 14 pints in one night.” (hic).

    Like

  104. 121

    What shall we do with the shrunken, tax take?
    What shall we do with the shrunken, tax take?
    What shall we do with the shrunken, tax take?
    spend it on global Waaarmmmiiingggg!

    Like

  105. 122
    The only way is A-sex says:

    Another 13 and I’ll be on a par with the Mekon.

    Like

  106. 123
    Stinkfinger says:

    “Where’s this blasted worm I’m meant to eat?”

    Like

  107. 124
    Sky's Peter Poofter says:

    I’m looking forward to a stiff-one later

    Like

  108. 125

    All this debt is making me feel a bit Queasing

    Like

  109. 126
    Tom says:

    Oh god – I can see the phlegm now.

    Like

  110. 127
    smoggie says:

    There’s nowt like a good pint of Obama Lager.

    Like

  111. 128
    Tom says:

    Broken Britain: Granny mugger disgrace snapped out boozing!

    Like

  112. 130
    Dave says:

    another pint of vandal strenght larger please luv!

    Like

  113. 131
    smoggie says:

    MP stops for quick breakfast

    Like

  114. 132
    Alistair says:

    Is Dave getting tired and emotional

    Like

  115. 135
    Realist says:

    If Derek Chisora gets any closer I’ll glass him!

    Like

  116. 136
    g1lgam3sh says:

    Freeloader pre-loading.

    Like

  117. 137
    Wilky says:

    “Come on then Joyce, where are ya…?”

    Like

  118. 138
    smoggie says:

    Get this down quick before McBride makes a comeback.

    Like

  119. 139
    Peter Grant says:

    “Gureu Penis! Well at least I think that’s what the advertising slogan said!”

    Like

  120. 140
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    I am practising for a Guinness Boat Race with that Obama chappie!

    Like

  121. 142
    50 Calibre says:

    Well, if they are going to put the bar prices up in the Westminster Bubbble, Dave might as well get ‘em down before they do.

    How much is a unit of dat Oirish Black Beer?

    Like

  122. 143
    50 Calibre says:

    The curse of the Moderator strikes again…

    Like

  123. 144
    Krug says:

    This champagne tastes funny

    Like

  124. 146

    One swallow does not a Schwimmer make.

    The Party Favor
    Picking Up the Pieces
    Nothing but the Truth
    Trust
    Friends

    Like

  125. 147
    Henry Minge says:

    Whaddya mean, I’m proud to be Stout…

    Like

  126. 148
    Tim W. says:

    Thank God the fucking press won’t catch me doing this.

    Like

  127. 149
    Hillary Minge says:

    In what way Prime Minister…

    Smiles primly

    Like

  128. 150
    Henry Crun says:

    Mmmmm, Michelle wasn’t kidding when she said: If you go black, you’ll never go back.

    Like

  129. 153
    XLibris says:

    Perhaps it’ll help me forget the Granny Tax “

    Like

  130. 155
    No pay-wall here says:

    Dave goes for Hague’s drinking record….9 pints before PMQs

    Like

  131. 158
    A fart with no nose !! says:

    Looking into the glass, I see only us born to rule being able to afford to binge drink in the future.

    Like

  132. 161
    Ex-Conservative voter says:

    “Very lucky member of the public manages to glass useless one-term PM in face.”

    Like

  133. 163
    Anonymous says:

    Bottom’s up William!

    Like

  134. 164
    Woof Woof ! says:

    Like

    • 183
      Boyo says:

      Pitbull shot.
      They are not trained to shoot dogs only innocence people.

      Like

      • 205
        jgm2 says:

        Hahaha. Listen to the thick c*unt at the end.

        ‘That’s cruelty…’

        Not nearly enough fucking dogs shot if you ask me.

        Like

    • 219
      WVM says:

      I find the so called camaraderie of those officers stood on the wall out of harms way wile their colleges arm is chewed off rather disturbing. If I were that poor officer I certainly wouldn’t want to work with them ever again.

      Like

    • 226
      smoggie says:

      The SAS know how to deal wiv ‘em. Let it grab your left forearm, lift it up then slide a knife up its exposed belly. That’s the way to deal with a “status dog”.

      Like

      • 258
        Robert Peel's Tophat says:

        The local plods tend not to have knives handy as a general rule.

        Like

      • 275
        Phillis Stein says:

        No knife handy, best bet would be to try and gouge the eyes?

        Like

        • 284
          jgm2 says:

          Nope – offer the left arm then fall on it with extreme prejudice with both knees. Smash the fuckers ribs to pieces, puncture a lung or two. Then go looking for a house brick to finish the c*unt.

          Like

  135. 165
    Spotted Dick says:

    Ministers rush to pre-load prior to minimum alcohol pricing doubling cost of HoC pints

    Like

  136. 167
    Glass Nearly Empty says:

    Bottom’s up William

    Like

  137. 168
    Icarus says:

    Guinness Surger – for best results Pour slowly and place on Sam’s vibrator.

    Like

  138. 169
    Anonymous says:

    “It’ not do as I do It’s do as I say”

    Like

  139. 170
    Owen gets owned says:

    For those who missed it, here’s Brillo destroying toytown Trot Owen Jones.

    Like

    • 173
      WVM says:

      Hahahahaha the stupid little prick!

      Like

      • 199
        jgm2 says:

        If that were me I’d have gone beetroot getting caught out like that. But the shameless little prick just charged on with even more random bollocks.

        He’s competing with Laura Penny for the soon-to-be-vacant Polly Tuscany position.

        Facts? Facts? We don’t need any of those in Bedwetterland.

        Like

        • 231
          Caught lying says:

          He just couldn’t bring himself to admit he was wrong. There’s no shame in having the guts to admit when you’re wrong. It’s actually a strength of character. But typical of lefties, he knew he’d been caught out and kept dodging the issue. But at least he got driven to TV Centre in a nice chauffeur driven car and had champagne in the green room. I wonder how he squares that with his socialist principles.

          Like

      • 220
        smoggie says:

        Embarressing but the other two are creaming themselves.

        Like

        • 227
          jgm2 says:

          It’s depressing that Portillo would agree to be on the same show with that wicked and malicious c*unt Campbell. Never mind sharing a fucking sofa.

          Like

    • 177
      nellnewman says:

      So that’s owen! Bless he’s not out of short trousers yet!!

      Like

      • 197
        Boudicca says:

        Cocky little shit who’s not as clever as he thinks he is.
        Well done Brillo for exposing his lies, damned lies and statistics.

        Like

      • 216
        A man in a chair says:

        The poor kid’s a ginge, too.

        Thick as shit AND ginge. Life can be so cruel.

        Like

    • 192
      Some Geezer wot's gonna remind you says:

      “Fleeing from Ken” thread, #68, 12:07 pm: Hugh Laurie from Blackadder 3.

      Like

    • 222
      Billy says:

      Brillo dry fucked him in the arse and didn’t even give him a reach around, poor boy.

      Like

    • 342
      Bloke says:

      Fucking little twat.

      Like

  140. 176
    Grannie says:

    # Grannie, grannie…hic!.. you’re lovely
    That’s what I think of you
    Grannie, grannie you’re lovely
    And I’ve got a wee apology for you #

    I’ve been standing here all day, drinking
    Been feeling sorry for myself, and thinking
    Now my PM days are gone, memories linger on
    Thoughts of how I threw it all away…

    I never should have taxed you, gran, you’re lovely
    That’s what I think of you
    Grannie, grannie you’re lovely
    Forgive me, ol’ darlin’, please do! Hic! #

    Like

    • 187
      David Camoron says:

      “They’re only a bunch of old grannies,
      with faces all wrinkly and worn,
      a hairy moustache
      and cackly laugh,
      and brains so incredibly small!”

      Like

  141. 178
    Brillo mocks Bercow says:

    Like

  142. 180
    john west says:

    I don’t give a flying f’uck what ed said…this the best head I’ve had since peter mandelson got his nuts stuck in the mangle

    Like

  143. 182
    Jimmy says:

    There’s something wrong with this Pimms

    Like

  144. 184
    Ah! Monika says:

    ” If this is what powers Guido…….

    Like

  145. 185
    sres says:

    if i drink enough of this they might call me the iron man

    Like

  146. 189
    steviebounce says:

    Prime Minister “Pre-Loading” before PMQS

    Like

  147. 190
    Anonymous says:

    Tulisa

    This is how you swallow

    Like

  148. 191
    Anonymous says:

    As my mate Gideon said to his coke snorting whore, ” I love a bit o’ the black stuff.”

    Like

  149. 195
    CT says:

    Minimum drink prices are for little people…

    Like

  150. 198
    Neutral Zone says:

    Mmmm. Tastes like shit.
    And I’ve eaten enough of Clegg’s to know.

    Like

  151. 200
    Blackadder's codpiece says:

    “No good things come those who fake”.

    Like

  152. 201
    HF says:

    Dave says “It is only OK to drink subsidised booze if its subsidised by taxpayers”.

    Like

  153. 207
    jgm2 says:

    Bercow gets his revenge by serving Cameron a pint of slurry.

    Like

  154. 209
    Blackadder's codpiece says:

    “If he didn’t exist, you’d have to invent him. Cameron: Pure Tedious”.

    Like

  155. 213
    Idle says:

    CHINLESS IS GOOD FOR YOU!

    Like

  156. 221
    thick as pigshit says:

    Mmm. Tastes a bit like Obama’s cum I spent all last week drinking.

    Like

  157. 224
    Well well well says:

    “Yup, this is definitely raw sewage,” David thought as he drained his third pint.

    Like

  158. 228
    Cameron says:

    “I’m the kaleidescope prime minister having a kaleidescope beer from a kaleidescope pub in a kaleidescope city.”

    Like

  159. 229
    we're not all in this together says:

    700,000 people turning 65 next year losing £323 annually while MP c u n t s like Cameron get taxpayer subsidised booze and food.

    Like

    • 241
      Anonymous says:

      Tories are traitors. Tories are scum. They plan to steal the Serps pension.

      Like

      • 274
        David Camoron says:

        Well, there’s not much left to steal after Labour plundered the country. Still, I got most of you with VAT, I’ve mugged old ladies, I’m after impoverished dr!nkers, I suppose I can go for Serps next month. What else can I nab? How about the shirt on your back?

        Make sure it’s thoroughly washed in jolly-good detergent. My butler will be round for it on Monday.

        Like

    • 273
      A pragmatist says:

      Yeah they should take it off the kids. They don’t need it. They can get all the cash they want from scrumping from the magical money tree that Ed Miliband has in his garden.

      Like

  160. 230
    pissed off voter says:

    source of government leaks revealed

    Like

  161. 232
    pissed off voter says:

    Cameron celebrates his budget gains

    Like

  162. 233
    Lord Iveagh says:

    You recall the Obama table tennis table present was ” Made in China ” ?

    Well what you’re necking now is “Made in Ireland”!!

    British jobs for British Workers ??

    Like

  163. 234
    Nick West says:

    “Good things come with a clear mandate.”

    Like

  164. 235
    Taxfodder says:

    So I said Granny, look you see, drinking DERV is a much cheaper option than Guiness

    Like

  165. 237
    John Milch - Cow says:

    Is that a kaleidoscopic pint of “raw ” you’re drinking Prime Minister?

    Like

  166. 238
    pissed off voter says:

    Daves impersonation of Guido

    Like

  167. 239

    You’re so interesting! I do not think I have read through a single thing like that before. So wonderful to find someone with unique thoughts on this subject. Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This web site is one thing that is required on the internet, someone with a bit of originality!

    Like

  168. 242
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    ‘At least it isn’t the piss that Osborn drinks’.

    Like

  169. 243
    pissed off voter says:

    Dave sips another subsidy

    Like

  170. 244
    purpleline says:

    That’s one Head downed now two more Ed’s to follow

    Like

  171. 245
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron is a coward. Cameron is a turd.

    Like

  172. 249

    Dave places a glass over his nose: “I’m Ed Milliband and I’m wewy angwy. A deconth clath dicket to Dottingham”

    Like

  173. 250
    Nom de plume says:

    Pissed and broke.

    Like

  174. 251
    Yvonne from the Colliers Arms Clydach says:

    Cameron is a fraud.

    You do not drink Guinness like that.

    Like

    • 259
      Stick Your Pinkie In The Air says:

      As long as he gets his round in, he can drink it any way he likes.

      Like

    • 264
      David Camoron says:

      Well, I usually get my butler to hold the glass to my mouth for me, but on that particular occasion he was in the infirmary after I set the hounds on him for coughing.

      Like

  175. 253
    Swiss Bob says:

    Guinness is good for me, but not for you!

    Like

  176. 254
    David Camoron says:

    “By Jove! Mugging Britain’s pensioners is jolly thirsty work! Time for another six pints and then I’ll go after people who can only afford cheap drinks, what what.”

    Like

  177. 256
    Anonymous says:

    Filthy pension stealing Tories are scum.
    Cameron is finished. Boy George is a turd.
    Do not trade with Tories. If a business is owned by a local Tory traitor boycot the scum.

    Like

    • 325
      Gooey Blob says:

      I hate to have to break this to you, but the Tory party IS the party of business.

      Your socialist friends represent the somewhat out-of-touch unions, and little else. They used to represent so much more than that. In a nutshell, that is why Labour will be out of power for another 8 years.

      Like

  178. 257
    Camerhuhne says:

    Empty vessel empties vessel.

    Like

    • 261
      David Camoron says:

      Empty? EMPTY?! I’m full of shit, I’ll have you know.

      Toodle pip.

      Like

    • 280
      Camerooonian Highlander says:

      That’s spiffingly bad form old chap, my vessel is full I’ll have you know and full of the very best that education has to offer and at a price you certainly can’t afford.

      As an old boy of the finest binge drinking club in the world and having had vast experience of boozing and smashing up bars, I know what I am talking about when saying that demonic, evil, dastardly booze needs taxing to the hilt.

      It will save souls.

      Like

  179. 260
    Taxfodder says:

    Phwarrr! this is better than the cats piss they sell in TESCO’s

    Like

    • 268
      ASDA is actually slightly worse than Tesco says:

      Some Tesco stores sell Suffolk Springer, which is actually very nice. Old Empire is also available on offer at the moment, and that’s nice too.

      There you are: two reasons (the only two) why Tesco isn’t 100% crap.

      Like

  180. 265
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Cameron tries to keep up with Eric Joyce, next round a 17 year old.

    Like

  181. 267
    Maverick Ways says:

    It’s my forfeit: I bet George he couldn’t surprise the Quad in his budget.

    Like

  182. 269
    ToonBob.... says:

    Smooth, black with a white head, just about ticks all the right boxes :)

    Like

  183. 270
    A pragmatist says:

    Who said I don’t do irony?

    Like

  184. 272
    Bob Dixon says:

    5 more of these and I will piss all over Millipede at PMQ’s

    Like

  185. 277
    John H says:

    Some of my best friends like a pint of the black stuff.

    Like

  186. 278

    I’m going to get hammered, wear a ginger wig, proclaim my Scottishness and fall asleep on park bench

    Like

  187. 279
    Your HMRC Needs You says:

    Here’s to the Iveagh’s, a fine, traditional family of tax dodgers, cheers proles.

    Like

  188. 281
    ChrisB says:

    Well worth £1.50 – Dare I tell Guido I’m in the Stranger’s Bar and minimum pricing doesn’t apply on Crown Property.

    Like

  189. 282
    john west says:

    just think we could be watching gordon still…..urrrrgh

    Like

  190. 283
    Oldrightie says:

    One swallow doesn’t make a PM spring into popularity.

    Like

  191. 285
    Widescreen2010 says:

    Get these down your neck and we’ll go down the Plough.
    That git is putting the price of beer up tomorrow.

    (For the uninitiated, The Plough is the pub next to Call-Me-Dave’s constituency office)

    Like

  192. 287
    RJES says:

    Publican: “What did you do with the Guinness glass I put under that leak in the urinal?”

    Like

  193. 288
    Procrastination says:

    Tastes too good for the peasants!

    Like

  194. 291
    Hugh Mcready says:

    Muppett enjoys Goldman Sachs hospitality.

    Like

  195. 292
    Jay Scarl says:

    ‘To beer or not to beer. That is the question.’

    Like

  196. 293
    Tim says:

    Cameron sucks down a black one until the creamy head hit his lips and he struggled to swallow.

    Like

  197. 294
    axman says:

    If he can say as Clegg can
    Coalition is good for you
    How grand to be a Cameron
    Just think what a Cameron could do

    Like

  198. 295
    DG says:

    Pirates of the Caribbean V – On Even Darker Tides
    Captain Jack Sparrow, once a young, energetic libertarian has somehow become Prime Minister of Britain, despite a colourful past and frequent run-ins with the law. Bloated and still fond of a tipple he faces a backlash when he attempts to raise the basic price of rum to distract the common people from his support of the wealthy merchant class. Starring Danny DiVito as the opinionated and colourful Cabin Boy/Speaker of the ship, Rowan Atkinson as the hapless adversary and Edie Falco as the obsessive Home Secretary charged with eliminating the dark and stormy scourge of preloaded rum cocktails.

    Like

  199. 296
    Alan says:

    Bottom’s up!

    Now let’s see the peasants try and climb it!

    Like

  200. 297
    The Doddering Old Fart says:

    Another pint of this and I’ll be able to piss on even more f-ing pensioners.

    Like

  201. 298
    Barry says:

    Well, that’s the preloading taken care of, now for PMQs.

    Like

  202. 299
    Tony Eden from Eton says:

    What a sad waste of a superb pint!

    Like

  203. 300
    A Skiver says:

    Okay Dave. All you’re missing now is your cloth cap and sandwiches. Then you can foxtrot oscar over to the Liebore party where you belong.

    Like

  204. 302
    Willer says:

    Coalitions come to those who can’t wait

    Like

  205. 303
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    The vulture of Downing street Drinks the final bit of life out of the once prosperous pub trade (Subsidised of course)

    Like

  206. 304
    Max says:

    It really is a kaleidoscope beverage!

    Like

  207. 305
    filipinomonkey says:

    CCTV footage reveals who nicked Guido’s pint…

    Like

  208. 306
    David I'm-only-doing-this-for-a-bet Cameron says:

    Don’t try this at home. I only drink this stuff so you don’t have to.

    Like

  209. 307
    Anonymous says:

    and this is how we saved the irish economy

    Like

  210. 308
    robbie says:

    “…and yes, the advertising money won’t be paid until fiscal year 2013-14, Mr. Cameron.”

    Like

  211. 309
    Maxwell says:

    Must be careful I don’t swallow my change.

    Like

  212. 312
    Maxwell finally says:

    Vince Cable being ever the joker got one over Cameron with the old superglue-round-the-glass-rim prank..

    Like

  213. 313
    Universal Hiss says:

    Guinness shares plummet after disastrous new ad campaign.

    (& Guido, flowers arrived today.Mother was delighted & sends her thanks,as do I.)

    Like

  214. 318
    IanK says:

    Carlsberg don’t make politicians. More’s the pity…

    Like

  215. 319
    Anonymous says:

    Boris! Gideon! That’s enough pre-loading. Let’s get off to the Bullingdon.

    Like

  216. 320
    Jeffrey Bernard says:

    Mr. Cameron downs his pint before Osborne doubles the price.

    Like

  217. 324
    Anonymong says:

    “Don’t feel too bad about increasing the cost of pre-loading George, we can actually afford to get drunk in pubs!”

    Like

  218. 327
    Penfold says:

    George said that i had to drink up me medicine………

    Here goes………….glug glug glug gone.

    Like

  219. 328
    Dave Cameron, Man of Iron and Equestrian says:

    Poor people should not try this at home.

    Tally ho

    Like

  220. 329
    alan says:

    ” Keep Froth “…… nil carborundum illegitimus.!!

    Like

  221. 332
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    The boy with the black stuff.

    Like

  222. 334
    Ted Maul says:

    Howabout the purely descriptive: “Hunt drinks guiness?”

    Like

  223. 335
    Ted Maul says:

    Its seems huhne is now a synonym for qunt. Fair dos

    Like

  224. 336
    selfimportant says:

    we need to win the north ok, so who’s up for a curry and a fight?

    Like

  225. 341
    Wilky says:

    Through the bottom of this glass, I can see what John saw in Edwina.

    Like

  226. 343
    Bloke says:

    “Before George’s Budget the glass was half full. Now it’s definitely empty!”

    Like


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Tony Blair threatens Ed:

“If you had a strong political lead that was combining the politics of aspiration with the politics of compassion, I still think that’s where you could get a substantial majority…  If I ever do an interview on [the state of the Labour Party], it will have to be at length…”



Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.


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