March 22nd, 2012

Dave Wins Backbench Bercow Bet

Though it was all smiles at PMQs yesterday when Dave mocked the Speaker’s address to the Queen, the PM’s “kaleidoscope budget” gag clearly hit a nerve and Bercow was left unable to speak for a good ten seconds. Now Guido hears it wasn’t just a well timed line, but in fact the terms of a bet…

Dessie Swayne, Dave’s PPS, and a few other Tory backbenchers who come in very early every morning have come to be known as The Breakfast Club. It’s mostly ex-lawyers and bankers who are used to an early start. When Cameron broke bread with them on Wednesday morning they bet him a bottle of wine that he couldn’t get the word “kaleidoscope” into a PMQs response. It’s not clear whether the wine will be drunk over breakfast…

UPDATE: Tweeter @ToryOutcast gets in touch to say he had mentioned this last night and the exact terms were a bottle of Krug with Stephen Phillips MP. Cheers…

UPDATE II: Having gone back to the original sources for this story, it seems Dave has been changing his tune. He told the 1922 Committee it was a bottle of wine that he had won in the bet rather than champagne. Looks like the Tory ban on the sparkling stuff is still in place…


  1. 1
    Del says:

    One of the best lines of Pmqs, more remembrable than anything empty Ed said.

  2. 2
    Angry atheist says:

    Nice to see our elected representatives have time for a laugh & joke whilst others suffer…

  3. 3
    Gonk says:

    Bercow has a Morris Minor mind.

  4. 4
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    “mostly ex-lawyers and bankers who are used to an early start”

    Wow, thats the sum total of MPs who used to have real jobs.

  5. 5
    inside- out says:

    Its all a game to “call me Dave”,running the country, is a bit of a wheeze. He seems to think its the extension of the Bullingdon.He is proving he is a complete prat.How the leaders of our Country have fallen in stature over the last 40years,God helps us in the next 40.They are all light weights and not very bright at that.

  6. 6
    Andy Gray says:

    Bercow is so evidently his wife’s bitch

  7. 7

    Oh yeah – sack cloth and ashes, a bell and shouting “Unclean” – how dare they have a sense of humour!

  8. 8

    I grant you he is a bit monocoque.

  9. 9

    Dear Gordon, or “Fluffy Bunny” as he let me call him, had a lovely smile. You could remember it for days, even after the Nokia shaped bruise had faded on your forhead and you hearing had gone back to normal after having “YE ARE A FECKING CU NT, what are ye!!!!!!!” yelled in your shell-like.

    Such a joker… happy days.

  10. 10
  11. 11
  12. 12
    Anonymous says:

    A Morris Minor mind in a Mini body

  13. 13
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have never played wi’ a kaleidoscope.

    I like playing wi’ mah jobbies.

    I did it in mah bedroom at the manse, and ah still dae it now when Nursey isnae looking.

    Jobbies are better than plasticene; they smell nicer, and I like to stick matches in mine and pretend I’ve got mah ain wee farm- or should be “poo” farm? *fixed manic glare and rictus grin*

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    Far right , neo nazi, white supremicist , christian fundamentalist AKA Muslim terrorist getting filled with lead as we speak

  15. 15
    Ichabod says:

    I wonder if Sally taunts, or tempts, him in bed at night with details of her numerous previous sexual encounters; perhaps the ill favoured one likes to be regaled with Sally recounting her past misdemeanours. With her height I would think vertical coupling in alley ways would be convenient for both partners, not with little John though.

  16. 16
    Liam says:

    I would like to think that Bercow took it with grace and humour.

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    Thanks to the Mods on this site my last post looses it immediacy somewhat. Seems the fuckers dead now.

  18. 18
    The only way is A-sex says:

    OSBORNE – “Tax avoidance is repugnant…”

    So does he consider himself repugnant?


  19. 19
  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    What about Osborne not paying 50% tax?

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    I am slightly confused about what is tax avoidance

    surely choosing a company vehicle based on the benefit in kind tax rate could be classed as avoidance

    are we to be compelled to have the most expensive gas guzzling car we the company can afford?

  22. 22
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    Forty years?

    Grocer Heath was PM and lying through his teeth regarding joining the EEC. Unemployment was at over 1,000,000 for the first time since the depression and there was a state of emergency and a miners strike. Halcyon days eh?

  23. 23
    Taxfodder says:

    Osborne is insulting pensioners intelligence (or demonstrating his lack of) by saying they they are better off because they’ve had a £5 a week increase because without a tax allowance increase as well, a chunk of this will go straight back to the treasury, the rest on inflation.

    My dear wife a staunch conservative supporter is incandescent she retires next year she is now saying what I have been telling her for a long time…

    We are not! all in it together nor, is there any difference between Tories and Socialists when it comes to looking after the old…they have consistently stolen and pilfered from them one way or another!

    Tories should not count on her conservative support come next election…at least she shows good sense at last….thank you George you have my thanks for that!

  24. 24
    81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

    i luvs it when dave makes a good one

  25. 25
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    Your posts are mostly trite garbage or copy and paste shite. Either way, no loss anonymong.

  26. 26
    Tory Tolls says:

    What an odious runt.

    Was he just called Berk before him and his missus double barreled their names to Berkcow?

  27. 27

    +1, + the T shirt!

  28. 28
    Anonymous says:

    Osborne get around £135,000, one flat and a house rent free worth will over £200,000, driver, car, petrol say, £30,000, dividend from Osborne and Little, trust fund income, etc.

    Still doesn’t pay 50%. What is happening?

  29. 29

    I have to go up on her.

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    Spotted in the budget book, Page 60:

    “2.54 Resettlement payments to Members of Parliament – The existing exemption from income tax for the first £30,000 of any resettlement payments made to an MP will be amended to ensure that it applies to similar payments made by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA) under the new MPs’ expenses scheme. This will have effect in relation to any resettlement payment made by IPSA on or after 1 April 2012. (Finance Bill 2012″

  31. 31
    David Cameron says:

    I’d just like to point out that this is not further proof of politicians’ hypocrisy when it comes to alcohol. You are all binge drinking louts while we can hold our booze.

  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    Heating alone will go up by £5 a week. If they are getting hot food they will now pay VAT on it as well.

  33. 33

    No – the choice is down to the individual. Tax on company cars is based on both list price and CO2 output – so, with both being high (“the most expensive gas guzzling car”) means you will pay the highest rate of tax, easy, see.

    You are that twat Balls aren’t you!

  34. 34
    Irish eyes are smilin!!!! says:

  35. 35
    81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

    nice one troll

  36. 36
    smoggie says:

    Without that 83 quid you’ll have to forgo those Mediterranean cruises you were looing forward to.

  37. 37
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    That is very likely to be true.

    But then we would be supposed to believe he has very very little other income. Possible, I still believe him. But then we have to believe that there are no trust funds etc. earning money that sort of belong to him. A stretch.

    Finally you’d have to imagine that any tax efficient schemes that might be planned for inheritance etc. are on the correct side of an arbitary line of a line between tax avoidance and naughty tax avoidance. Depends on who is drawing the line.

  38. 38
    smoggie says:

    With all the reliability of an Austin Allegro.

  39. 39
    q says:

    its funny how the morons queue up to defend the tories

  40. 40
    ed martin says:

    offer the wine to Eric Joyce

  41. 41
    smoggie says:

    There is nothing wrong with tax avoidance and the example you have given is one in which the the government uses the tax system to encourage good economic behaviour by means of tax breaks.

  42. 42
    Yup says:

    Oh come on, we all know that some pensioners will do anything to save a bob or two. My old ma, 84 is ok when it comes to pensions, she has my long departed Dad’s armed forces and industry pension, plus her own and a State pension. She lives in a warden monitored flat and is 2010-11, the year we had the bad and cold winter my old Ma would switch off her heating in case she wasted money. The family came in a turned it up on high and even told her that we would pay for her heating, but no, she would rather save a few quid, put on another jumper and live in a flat that is like a fridge. Do not underestimate the stupidity of some old people nor the fact they came from a generation where saving was better than spending. She is happy to show the electric bill that shows she used less electricity than a year before. Now not all OAP’s are like this, so will die from cold but the elderly in the a joining flats on the complex I would say 75% would rather save cash than keep warm, so it is not all about money.

  43. 43
    Anonymous says:

    So if You think that breaking news about a certain gunman in France is trite you are a bigger arse than I gave you credit for

  44. 44
    attila the hun says:

    whilst it is true that pensioners are to get a decent increase in state pension for the missus and myself,i have just received notification that our that our pension credit is to be reduced by £ one hand and out the other..and the pillocks think we should be grateful..god what a load of dire workshy,moneygrabbing,lazy,lying toerags our politians are.

  45. 45
    81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

    i was worry at first that you was talking about me, but then i gets the joke. you are a funny

  46. 46
    albacore says:

    So now it’s official.
    Dave’s a comedian.

  47. 47
    An ordinary person says:

    Oh I see , I was confused at first as I wondered how on earth a Jury of ordinary people would have reached this decision, then I realised that it was a tribunal. Only to be expected I suppose.

  48. 48
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Ignore the news for another 5 minutes or 5 hours.

    By that time the information will be more likely to be factual, and not just pointless speculation. So he’s dead. So they rekon he shouldn’t be. perhaps in 5 hours time they’ll give you a better report as to whether the police really were justified in thinking he was running out with a bomb.

    24 hours news addiction is a form of OCD.

  49. 49
    Steve Miliband says:

    This budget was a bit off a SAGA

  50. 50
    Steve Miliband says:

    French gunman killed himself – Suppose nothing Too Lose

  51. 51
    Gonk says:

    Grace and favour

  52. 52
    Desperate Dan says:

    You can take Bercow out of the gutter but you can’t take the gutter out of Bercow.

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Yup, what happens when your Ma go to hospital or care home?

    In hospital or care home will your Ma will be doing the jobs front line staff do as well to save a bit of money? Osborne is cutting there as well.

    Our front line police is being cut as well, will you Ma would be going to self defence class to protect her from ever increasing criminals?

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Come on, if your employer give you a car or house you are taxed but he is not.

    What about his income from trust fund and dividend income from the share his dad gave him. He got £4.5m worth of share from his dad, as I understand it was give tax free as well.

  55. 55
    will says:

    Having been on a jury, the lack of intellegence is incredible. Some of them barely have the reading level of the daily star. With some of them not wanting to find someone guilty in order to stick it to the man.

    Our judges are not much better, i would suggest that they are all housed on the stockwell park estate or blackbird leys estate and then they will discover what like is like for the ordinary person and what happens when a crime occurs.

  56. 56
    Anonymous says:

    When you are on the bread line every little help. It is few days meals for some old people or a month worth of heating. For some its much more.

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    I have missed his £134,565 salary plus second home allowance £20,000, expense ,etc.

  58. 58
    Anonymous says:

    Yup, does your 83 years old Ma need to do all these thing to save a bob or two so that this idiot can give it to his friend and family?

    As a son /daughter I am surprised you want her to do this. You should be ashamed of yourself.

  59. 59
    Fish says:

    BBC are wringing their hands in grief along with the bastard’s solicitor

  60. 60
    tube_thumper says:

    boring story irrelevant


  61. 61
    Taxfodder says:

    Yup, have asked what happened to your mums savings and how much interest she made on them and what they will be worth today?

    The sad fact is many cannot save what they don’t have and even if they did you can bet your boots the government (or mates) will try and nick it off her..

    I feel sorry for you my friend you are in for a Karma suprise if you make it to your sixties let alone seventies…I hope you do.

  62. 62
    Rinka Scott says:

    If this is true I want Cameron out tonight.

    I do not want a person gambling with the futures of over 60 million people on my behalf.

    I can only hope there are some decent Conservatives around to do what is right for the country.

  63. 63

    Yes, because the bedwetting Trots have to line up for their dole first, and then car share the two fucking brain cells they have, which then do a three shift system writing Eddy Bedhairs speeches.

    Get a life, do the sums: Balance of payments when labour took office in 1997 was in the black – by the time the one eyed faecal stain was dragged off screaming it was £10.5bn in RED INK.

    That’s not counting that the bankers fucked up on HIS watch – his term, his party, his responsibility.

    1997 deficit – Tory: £15,555bn
    2010 deficit – Labour: £152,706bn

    As and When the Torys fuck up, I’ll shout just as loud – they aren’t my “Tribe”, just the party that has to sort out the play room after the incontinent malingering Trots have smeared their shit everywhere.

  64. 64
    everyone a sinner says:

    or cun*ts for short

  65. 65

    I’d like to think she took it up both the Members AND the Peers entrance, but that’s just me.

  66. 66
    Desperate Dan says:

    The BBC is run entirely by necrophiliacs. The spend their days searching the world for interesting deaths – preferably involving children or minorities who meet with their approval.

  67. 67

    And the Guardian have just posted that a Fred Groinman has shed his welk.

    Is it an anagram?

  68. 68
    Phil from the Wrekenton Seven Stars says:

    You are only too right Rinka and nice work Fawkes.

    The people of this country have always had serious doubts about Cameron as evidenced by his showing at the last election.

    This bet shows in total clarity his lack of gravitas and concern for the people he is supposed to be representing and who have been paying him a fancy salary and expenses.

    Say goodbye to your civil servant mandarins and get on your bike to the Palace now Cameron.

  69. 69
    Hannibal fron Carthage says:

    This is not the behaviour of a true and honest leader.

    To be entrusted with the highest office in the land and then just abuse it to win a silly bet with a few of your rich friends simply is not cricket.

  70. 70
    Gabriel says:

    To Gorbals Mick. Will ye nae come back again.

  71. 71
    Umpire Ces Pepper says:

    And that is out by a fucking Country mile Mr oh so concerned Cameron

  72. 72
    Trevor from Treherbert says:

    If you think Cameron is going to resign over this then think again.

    He will simply follow the lead given by Mr & Mrs Dromey and carry on regardless.

  73. 73
    Golly says:

    You have MPs getting pissed in the Commons .

    You have MPs screwing in the Commons.

    You have MPs fiddling their expenses.

    So what is wrong with the PM with his mates taking the piss out of the people he is supposed to be representing?

  74. 74
    Bluebottle says:

    Should not the bottle of wine appear in the Register of Members interests?

  75. 75
    Desperate Dan says:

    Bercow doesn’t live in the Prime Minister’s constituency.

  76. 76
    They're all the same says:

    Great to see our so-called electoral ‘representatives’ doing the job they claim to do.

    When will Tories, and voters of would-be UKIP MPs realise that these disgusting frauds are as bad as the liberals and ‘Labour’ Party. These little jokes and schoolboy pranks make it more obvious than ever.

    Scum, the lot of them.

  77. 77
    A pragmatist says:

    Its funny how the morons queue up to knock the Tories. Morons who apparently believe in magical money trees.

  78. 78
    A pragmatist says:

    It’s his Rouen.

  79. 79
    Lizzie in the Sky with Diamonds says:

    Oh Philip what have you put in the tea, everything is so weird and colourful ?

  80. 80
    Dixon of Westminster Green says:

    Pedantry re the updates: Krug is champagne and champagne is wine.

  81. 81
    Wee Johnny says:

    Yeth, but I really like it – tell me what the bad pikey made you do, again – I’m almost there………!!!!!!!

  82. 82
    confused says:

    I thought champers was/is a wine. Could be some double talk going on here

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