March 12th, 2012

Sayeeda Order of Nonsense

Deeply mistrusted by many in her party, Tory Chairman Sayeeda Warsi hardly does herself any favours when she can’t even get puff piece spin right. Talking to the House magazine she firstly says:

“…we do anything from between 8 to 12 constituencies a week so in that sense you know you get around you get to see them, you do dinners, you do teas. You campaign with them. There’s a lot of mushroom risotto – I’m vegetarian. Mushroom is the new vegetarian – you know it used to be pasta with a tin of tomatoes, it’s now mushroom risotto.”

Then later on she talks about life after politics:

“I just want my cookery show, and I just might leave politics. I love cooking. I just think it would be so great to kind of bring some of those fantastic, traditional recipes… I’m a huge cook and I love Come Dine with Me. My favourite things are yoghurt chilli chicken and slow roasted lamb with almonds and cashew nuts and yoghurt. It’s meat to die for, it just comes off the bone, four hours. It’s just brilliant.”



  1. 1
    John says:

    Time to bin her, stick here in some non-job.


    • 4
      Raving Loon says:

      And that would be different compared to where she is, how?


    • 6
      What I say is gas the buggers says:

      Thought she was doing a non-job already. or at least it has been since she was appointed.

      But really will the neckless wonder-boy Shappsy be any better, I mean look at that woeful policy today, total sap to his pre-2010 donors in the construction industry (they got their money’s worth at least). What’s Tory though about giving free money to builders?


      • 12
        AC1 says:

        Vote for Crony Corporatist party Brand A not Crony Corporatist party Brand B!


        • 17
          V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

          Sounds like she’s more suited to Labour. I have not created any wealth today because I don’t want to be subjected to the UK’s cruel taxes.


          • Cynical-old-bag says:

            She’s had a good whack out of expens*es and now wants to pursue a career in TV.

            No different from Portillo, Widdecombe, and that awful George Galloway. Why should they worry about what we think? They’ll die minted, unlike a lot of us plebs.


          • Judge them by what they do, not by what they say says:

            Maybe she’s just been a token Pakistani MP all along!…you know, a bit like Dianne Abbot is just a token black MP.


          • Durr... says:

            She is complete non event- and too gobby by half. Stupid bint.


          • Ken says:

            Yes she sounds perfect to me , I’ve some books she could cook .


        • 49
          Raving Loon says:

          My sentiments exactly!


      • 57
        Sandra in Accounts says:

        The unelected & unelectable Warsi is a token example of everything that stinks about David Cameron.

        And as for Nick Clegg demanding that Cameron does not meet any US Conservatives on his State visit to Obamaland – it shows who is wearing the trousers.

        Vote Conservative – VOTE UKIP.


        • 67
          Camoron's selection criteria says:

          That’s a bit harsh. I’m sure Warsi got the job purely on merit. She was better qualified and had more experience than any other candidate.

          Either that, or..


        • 77
          Raving Loon says:

          Is that actually true about Cameron not being permitted to visit any conservatives in the US?! Talk about being under the thumb.


        • 107
          Faslane Fitter says:

          FFS – Cameron is a real disapointment. Why would he not meet any Republicans? Unless of course he is closer to Obamamessiahs hopey-changey-liberal-big-state-fascism? Yep, Ukip for me next time.


          • The Admiral says:

            Even some Libs are not sure which side he’s on. My missis is off him. UKIP? Really not sure…


    • 63
      Dan says:

      The woman is a member of a certain cult – lying to those who do not adhere to that cult is endorsed by their scripture.

      How many members has this ballot box shy small time divisive opportunist cost the party?

      (Not as many as Cameron for sure, but….)


    • 133
      Fenton says:

      Surely someone who values religion so much wouldn’t tell porkies?


    • 162
      Finbar Saunders says:

      I dont know what it is about her, but she can suck the meat off my bone any time.


      • 168
        Ichabod says:

        Nah …if its shaggable M*sl*m politicians that you’re after, then get a eyefull of the P*kist*ni foreign minister, as seen on tv recently . Looks a babe, name forgotten, but ogle her while she’s still in one piece.


        • 176
          RighteO..🔥🔥🔥 says:

          graceful dress sense, gorgeous, stylish and dynamic is how the Indians describe the Pakistani Foreign Minister. At the age of 34, she is all pearls diamonds and designer handbag and glasses.


        • 178
          SPaD U Like says:

          Hina Rabbani Khar. Still think Sayeeda’s a looker though.


    • 173
      Lord Carrington's Binoculars says:

      It’s not widely know that Warsi is not actually dark-skinned.

      It’s just that she’s so dense, lights bends around her….

      (With apologies to TTOI)


  2. 2
    Baroness Warsi says:

    You are taking this out of context as usual !


  3. 3
    Doktorb says:

    Oops. Maybe the second half was supposed to be copy and pasted into someone else’s piece?


    • 46
      Hal Al says:

      I suspect that she only eats meat if it has been properly butchered.


      • 70
        How is it legal, exactly? says:

        Hmmm. Taste the pain!


      • 166
        poor bloody worker says:

        I suspect that you are right. I have a Hebrew friend who is “vegetarian” when out at work. It mean that he can keep Kosher dietary laws without making a big deal about it. He also books off the Hebrew festivals as annual leave

        It seems to be a fairly innocuous way of fitting in, without being too obvious, or making a big issue of these things. I suspect “Baroness” Warsi is doing much the same.


  4. 5
    Hang The Bastards says:

    As Forrest Gumps mum said…… “Stupid is as Supid does” !


  5. 7
    Darth Warsi says:

    Clearly I was talking about the disenfranchised of this country rather than the franchised (like KFC and McDonalds)


  6. 8
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    She only wanted to plug her show.



    • 130
      Durr... says:

      What show?
      I can arrange to miss most of the crap, Worral Thompkinson, Ramsay etc. Is this another I must avoid?


  7. 9
    PeteTheLegend says:

    All that talk of food has left me feeling hungry.


  8. 10
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Funny old bird….either she’s veggie or she’s meatarian? Not very clear in her befuddled mushroomy brain is she?
    Clear her desk and GO!!!


  9. 11
    Neville Thurncoat says:

    She needs boning with my meat !


    • 16
      Rt Hon David Camoron MP says:

      Leave her alone!! She is MY and I mean MY PPOP*!!!

      *PPOP = Pakistani Piece of Pussy


  10. 13
    Art Malik says:

    She ‘s probably getting her chicken tikka mixed up with her chop suey…


  11. 14
    Scamp - The Excitable Dog. says:

    To be fair, she is actually quite good in Eastenders isn’t she?


  12. 15
    MrAngry61 says:

    “I get enough grief even in my position to say ‘Well she’s only doing what she’s doing because she’s black’. It’s not a nice thing to have to fight, even when you know its not true.”

    That shows how out of touch she is – imo she’s despised because of her religion, not her suntan.


  13. 19
    Chairman Warsi says:

    And I like a drink of White Lightning with my Kebab


  14. 21
    Sniper says:

    Chicken and lamb are the new vegetarian – another LieDim policy in the Coalition Agreement?


  15. 22
    Tom says:

    I bet she does gobble a sausage.


  16. 24
    Susie says:

    When I resigned from the Conservative Party, I made it very clear that one of the reasons was this woman prancing around barefoot in pink pyjamas behind Dave on his Pakistan visit.

    BTW Ed’s messed up again:


  17. 25
  18. 31
    Sounds like my kind of woman says:

    So she cannot tell the difference between a cucumber and a piece of meat !


  19. 33
    Troughs R Us says:

    A cookery pilgrim


  20. 35
    Stinkfinger says:

    I might give up my job as well and become a celeb cook with my own TV show.
    Like that fucking option would be open to me.
    No bollocks I will just give up my job and stop paying tax to pay that c*nt Warsi to be a c*nt.


    • 40
      Sayeeda says:

      No need to give up your job matey, just get elected then the proles will happily let you make a TV cookery programme on the tax payers dime.

      KERCHING !


  21. 36
    Gorilla says:

    Perhaps she’s like me. Sometimes meat eater sometimes veggie.


  22. 41
    watson says:

    Yes a completely different sort of hedgetarian then


  23. 42
    Furious says:

    Seriously FFS either you meat or you don’t. Silly cow.


  24. 43
    Anonymous says:

    Does she not just mean she only eats halal meat so, when she’s dining with constituents, she only eats veggie meals?


  25. 48
    Mr. Putin's Stolen Cat says:

    In a coalition ‘government’, you just have to make compromises all the time.


  26. 51
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    Sod the yoghurt curries is it really true the Tories are going to give taxpayer funded mortgages up to 500k to help nice middle class families achieve their dreams of home ownership.

    I am not making this up. It is in the fucking Telegraph.

    God alone knows what the future holds with this type of joined up thinking from the top.


    • 56
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      Not only are they going to give them mortgages – they’re going to give them risky mortgages which only need a 5% deposit.

      Financial suicide.


      • 74
        No pay-wall here says:

        95% Mortgages aren’t risky per se….providing that the mortgage lender has done a proper income check with proof(not allowing self-certification)and that all outgoings including mortgage and related insurance payments do not exceed 60% of monthly disposable income. I also expect that as was the norm that any lending in excess of 80% of property valuation will need to be covered by a Mortgage Indemnity Policy for the difference between 80% and the amount borrowed up to the max 95%.

        This was the norm prior to 2000 and worked properly and enabled thousands to get on the housing ladder. Where it all went wrong was when some banks started to lend 125% to valuation;allowed borrowers to self-certify income without checks and to ramp up the mortgage to cover stuff that was not property related or that added to the value of the property(i.e. double glazing;central heating;extenisons)but allowed people to borrow for new cars,holidays and repayment of credit card debt.

        That’s where the whole thing went tits up as brokers were only interested in getting the commission and lenders in building up their loan book before securitising the loans as Triple A when some clearly weren’t and were sub-prime lending to people who should never have been allowed a pggy-bank much less a mortgage


        • 79
          Cynical-old-bag says:

          I think we’ve been here before………..:0/


        • 114
          Ex-Tory says:

          95% mortgages are still risky in a bubble housing market, which persists in the SE and London


          • sockpuppet #4 says:

            People who work in finance are supposed to be able to take risks.
            But have enough sense to balance that properly against the rewards from the risks. Thats why they get paid more than people who deliver pizzas. Even though there is a risk that the pizza guy doesnt get paid either.

            Too many people got too carried away by the idea that the housing bubble would inflate forever.


    • 71
      Dan says:

      Caerter, Clinton, Obama – all wanted to grow the state to prop up private individual risk.

      NINJA mortages upto $300,000 – no income, no assets, no job.

      Not one parasite on the taxpayer left behind.

      Is it true that Cameron is not allowed to meet any US Republicans on his state visit?


      • 100
        Su Q says:

        It is. Check out his itinerary. Not one Republican is on it – not even any private meetings.
        What did you expect? Cameron to meet actual Conservatives? Even if he wanted to, which he does not, Nick Clegg would never allow it.


    • 93
      Ivor Tapeworm says:

      Perhaps they could get RBS or Northern Rock to provide these insane mortgages. The government (i.e.) own them. RBS & NR could back the mortgages up.

      Then we sell the banks off for a profit.

      Then when these essentially mega-sub-prime mortgages gho tits up, as they inevitably will, the banks will go bust and we can use the profits we stored away to bail them out again.

      Ad nauseam.

      Preumably the last sub-prime crisis was so long ago the politicians have forgotten about it. It was yesterday.

      Be in no doubt, we are ruled buy innumerate fuckwits.


      • 94
        Ivor Tapeworm says:

        …and I appear to be illiterate today. Whatever.


      • 113
        Cynical-old-bag says:

        Gordon had a degree in History.

        God only knows how he managed to be Chancellor, when they only accounts he had to deal with, were his own household bills.

        Well qualified, he was…….NOT!


  27. 53
    polythesis says:

    Warsi got where she is today because the fake Tories wanted to exploit her colour, her gender, her race, her religion. Welcome to the new modern (fake) Tory party of modern up to date with it trendy young metro sexual right on rainbow comrades. She augmented an image, notice that image is more important than substance in Cameroids freak show? The fact that she is a moronic 3rd rate non entity light weight means nothing, the new modern social democrat Europeanised and modernised is as solid as a morning mist and as real as a ‘hello’ photo shoot in the home of a sleb.


  28. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Has Johann Hari made a comeback?

    She stresses that her staff are culturally aware, however, and her assistant has become an expert in where to buy a jilbab on the Edgware Road at short notice. “My staff know not to buy me a sandwich from Pret because I eat kosher, my staff know that when we go out for a drink they always order me an orange juice because I don’t drink. My staff know during the month of fasting when I do try and fast, that I’m pretty whacked.”

    She stresses, however, that her staff are culturally aware, and her assistant has become an expert in where to buy a jilbab on the Edgware Road at short notice. “My staff know not to buy me a ham sandwich from Pret, my staff know that when we go out for a drink they always order me an orange juice, because I don’t drink. My staff know during the month of fasting when I do try and fast, that I’m pretty whacked.”



  29. 60
    Viktor Inox says:

    What a stupid bitch!


  30. 61
    Encroachment says:

    A ‘chairman’ is a man who occupies a chair.

    It therefore follows that a woman cannot be a chairman, by definition.

    The appropriate term for a woman who occupies a chair is a ‘chairwoman’, which is formed by combining the words ‘chair’ and ‘woman’.

    If in doubt, ‘chairperson’ is a gender-neutral term which can be applied to men or women.

    I hope this helps.


  31. 65
    Gary Geezer says:

    So no chance of ‘er nibblin’ a bloke’s pork, then.


    • 73
      Vegan says:

      You can chew, just don’t swallow


      • 80
        Halal BJ says:

        That’s a point – before Warsi swallows her husbands baby-gravy, do all the sperms have to be individually killed while someone wails something about allah?


  32. 68
    Chris says:

    Are all MP’s genetically incapable of telling the truth – is it mandatory to be an out and out liar in the MP job description?


    • 84
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      Yes – it’s on the application form.

      You don’t stand an earthly unless you can lie through your teeth. You don’t even have to be convincing….just lie, lie and lie.


      • 141
        Durr... says:

        She is beyond MP though. As a feckin Baroness she doesn’t even have to be elected. How did she ever get that gig (err.. both)?


  33. 72
    Rat's arse says:

    Gad Zooks! Biased Broadcasting Corp. just described Eric Joyce’s little punch up as a ‘drunken frenzy’! Wonders never cease.


  34. 78
  35. 81
    Mark says:

    Wanting to cook something is different from wanting to eat it. I know a vegetarian stay-at-home mom who is quite happy to do a roast chicken for her family


  36. 92
    Where is my MP? Who I didn't vote for. says:

    I have only met two MPs in my entire life! Where the fuck are they hiding?


  37. 96
    Dr Freud said all women suffered from penis envy says:

    How many

    “yoghurt chilli chicken and slow roasted lamb with almonds and cashew nuts”

    does it take to produce a nice fat woman ?


  38. 98
    Nero awakens says:

    While Rome burns, my acolytes talk about the number of mushroom risottos they have to eat

    You are reaching my levels of futility and stupidity


    • 101
      Empty Ed Miliband and his heavy horses says:

      I want my nose re-done Gwido

      Does that mean that I am futile and irrelevant ?


    • 122
      not a machine says:

      I thought we had Nero when the ruin was in power


    • 126
      WVM says:

      Oh I think we’ve got a week or so to enjoy the fruits of this debauched bankrupted civilization before the firestorm starts on March the 23rd. Fiddle away and enjoy Nero!


  39. 99
    Tuna Dessert says:

    I bet she is not keen on Salmon d.


  40. 103

    So when is this ‘Halal 4 the UK’ cookery show starting on BBC2?


  41. 104
    not a machine says:

    I couldnt quite work out what the purpose of Eds speech was , other than to appear to forget that debt and deficet resolving would be longer than 2 yrs into a new government . too far too fast , doesnt even begin to elude what factors encourage growth , whilst trying to resolve the debt , yet again no shad budget for 2 years , no credibility .Still waiting for eds pronouncement on Homosexual marriage .

    Been hoping for some clarifcation on meanings of CDS in greece default , no figures seem yet available.

    Well at least Eds lasagne parties have a competitor


  42. 106
    That baldy cook Heston Bloody Hell. says:

    I made my very owntikea wardrobe out of spaghetti hoops. I think I will change the sausage door knobs for dough Balls.


  43. 109
    A real Tory says:

    I don’t want to reignite the Indo Pakistan conflict

    But I want Priti Patel as Chairman of the Tories


  44. 110
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    About the same amount as r*i*c*e, j*e*r*k c*h*i*c*k*e*n and p*e*a*s are required to make a Flabott.

    Ha, in yer face, modbot!


  45. 111
    A real Tory says:

    I want Priti Patel as Chairman of the Tory Party


    • 121

      Once you had said the first four words, I would have left it at that.


    • 124
      City TV correspondent says:

      She is more Tory than call me Dave..

      Who will be “placed” by Morgan Stanley when he is booted out


      • 132
        Secretary to the Cabinet says:

        You are not referring to my contacts I hope

        I only did an internship at Morgan Stanley while waiting to become Cabinet Secretary although my working at Morgan Stanley has been conveniently air brushed from my wiki entry


    • 125
      Encroachment says:

      A ‘chairman’ is a man who occupies a chair.

      It therefore follows that a woman cannot be a chairman, by definition.

      The appropriate term for a woman who occupies a chair is a ‘chairwoman’, which is formed by combining the words ‘chair’ and ‘woman’.

      If in doubt, ‘chairperson’ is a gender-neutral term which can be applied to men or women.

      I hope this helps.


  46. 115
    A real Tory says:

    Where will Warzi be when the I s r a


  47. 120
    Jack says:

    Does she believe in Sacred Cows I ask ?


  48. 127
    Stew n Fry says:

    So who will win this years recipe for disaster? Will it be Warsi’s Whopper or Balls up the lasagne? Cook up some real politics or serve up a bowl of Cheerios! Daft stunts!
    Looks likes our donuts will turn out to be like Fan ny’s.


  49. 131
    gildedtumbril says:

    …no pork recipes I see. She does not do cannibalism then?


  50. 136
    Can't cook, won't cook! says:

    Mushrooms have been around along time. For centuries the fungi was popular with both veggies and meat eaters. Mushrooms were not introduced into civilised culture just a few years ago! Nice with egg and bacon.


    • 152
      fffffff says:

      What fun-Gus the mushroom must have.

      Maybe the lovely Barreness would prefer a toads-tool?


      • 186
        Ammanita Phalloides says:

        No, I expect that she only likes Magic Mushrooms.

        Mind you, I can highly recommend the Fly Agaric.


  51. 137
    If you cannot rationalise then head-butt says:

    “Glasgeeee Kiss” Joyce steps out of the ring


  52. 140
    If you cannot rationalise then head-butt says:

    hah ha…they just shifted the url:

    there you go:


  53. 144
    Sir William Waad says:

    Some people who keep halal or kosher will say that they are vegetarian on occasions in order to avoid a tedious discussion of what they can and can’t eat.


    • 172
      A convenient untruth says:

      A bit like saying you’re a devil-worshipper when the Jehovah Witnesses call.


  54. 145
    wetg4egh says:

    it will be a halal issue, she probably says she is vegetarian so that she does not have to eat kuffr meat (ie non hallal).


  55. 146
    Mrs Lard Prescott: A dogs dinner says:

    I woz well knackered when Lard Prezza came home late one night and demanded I cook him his dinner. I opened a tin o dog food, added some curry powder. Threw in some Unkle Ben’s rice. Popped it into the microwave then watched the p ig eat it. He hadn’t a Scooby Doo!


  56. 148
    Jamee All Over says:

    What’s wrong with me pishin’ in the fish? Ah Luvlee jublee!


  57. 153
    Rode Kill Mark says:

    No Badger is safe around these parts, Squire.


  58. 154
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Can I have the last word?

    The lady looks a real beauty in the photo above.

    That’s it.


  59. 156
    The Admiral says:

    Becoming really sick of the double tap here Guido. Please sort it. So not like you…


  60. 157
    Rinka Scott says:

    If Warsi was a white male christian Tory she would not be in Government.

    This is a fact and a very worrying one for taxpayers.


  61. 158
    Dave Blunkett says:

    I’d give her one.


  62. 161
    Meat Spin made me dizzy says:

    Gobby harridan. Every time she comes on the wireless, all too often, I reach for the off switch.


  63. 167
    Hang on a minute says:

    She might just be talking about cooking meat dishes for others. I’m vegetarian and I do the same. It doesn’t bother me. I’m told I do a mean steak.

    She has a point about the British way of doing pasta – warm up a tin of tomatoes and hey presto! – it tastes just like eating pasta with a tin of tomatoes. The real way is the Italian way, which is cook the tomatoes for hours and hours and eventually something magical happens. Lycopenes get released etc. Whatever, it just tastes a darn sight better.


  64. 169
    Political Pygmy says:

    When I was a young student I was a vegetarian who ate bacon rolls.


  65. 170
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    As with most vegetari-lasses, we all know that Multi-Token Warsi still likes a bit of meat inside her. Even better if it’s someone else’s…….


  66. 177
    Dianne Abbott innit says:



  67. 180

    Another politician too stupid or too arrogant to even keep her lies consistent from one end of a magazine article to the other. To my mind that sums up why the Augean stables in Westminster need a comprehensive clean up.


  68. 187
    Anonymous says:

    Possibly adopting Bill Clintons approach to denial when claiming that a blow-job does not constitute sex.
    “What – you mean Lamb doesn’t grow on trees?”


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