March 11th, 2012

Buy the Daily Star on Sunday


  1. 1
    Fact check says:

    Oh bollocks, i forgot to get it.


  2. 3
    trev says:

    Are Guido’s Catholic hackles raised by a junior government whip tweeting “must be Sunday, more Catholics spitting hatred”?


    • 46
      smoggie says:

      “spitting hatred”? Oooooo, bitch.


      • 243
        The Actor and the Bish says:

        According to the Catholics Sodomy is sin, I don’t know about that but I know its damn disgusting.

        Having said that I see nought wrong with gayers “marrying” in a registry office or in the middle of Arsenal football ground if they want to PROVIDED that us hetros can have a Civil Partnership with our female partners and that NONE of the churches which regard GAY sexual activity as wrong should be forced to marry same sex couples in their establishments. Furthermore there should be no attempt to water down the use of the words husband and wife as these relate to hetrosexual marriage as opposed to homosexual marriage.

        Finally I understand from Bish Sentanu that if Cam wants to bring in this law he is going to have to get the CofE’s Common Book of Prayer amended. Which ain’t gonna happen.


    • 94
      nellnewman says:

      Wasn’t there something in the Bible about turning the other cheek?


  3. 4
    Re-cycled joke says:


    I went to my local shop and asked if he had a copy of The Star on Sunday with the Guido Fawkes piece in it, He reply was that he had sold out, i said *I know that but have you a copy of The Star on Sunday? * .


    • 10
      trev says:

      It took me embarrassingly long to get that.


    • 25

      Very good…


    • 30
      Jay says:

      Yep, took me a few seconds as well but that may just be my hangover.
      Good stuff.


    • 36
      Some Geezer wot wishes they'd ask me to sell out says:

      A joke which wasn’t all that funny last week and will continue to get unfunnier as the weeks wear on and the same joke gets told again and again, like that one about the bordello madam telling the John he can’t pay in Euros, which was told dozens and dozens of times on this blog.

      OK, we get it: Guido got mercenary in his old age and became what he berated. Get over it. He’s got a wife and kids to support.


      • 127
        Sir Aston Martin says:

        Don’t forget this for tomorrow’s cartoon:

        “Who is it?”
        “Is it Tommy Cooper?”
        “I thought it was Delia Smith.”
        “Skid and Mark, don’t give up the day job.”
        “The worst yet.”
        Etc., etc., etc.

        All richly (geddit?) deserved, of course.


        • 163

          Rich and Mark are to cartoon humour what the gentleman who was born in Braunau-am-Inn on 20 April 1889 was to the Diaspora.


          • Some Geezer wot's gonna play some "Alt-History" says:

            A “gentleman” who probably should have taken up cartooning, seeing he was an artist no worse than Skid and Mark, and probably a lot better. We all would have been better off, including him.


          • What is the ontological status of such counterfactuals, I wonder?

            Imagine Brown as The Best Prime Minister Britain has ever had…


  4. 5
    Lord Justice Turkeyforahat says:

    A timely reminder of the how, not much changes over time in my profession:


  5. 6
    Gordon Braun says:

    Hi! I’m Gordon Brown, and I invented the most complicated tax system in Europe.
    It’s an amazing product with hundreds of special loopholes for those wise enough not to get shafted under PAYE.

    It’s so good, I bought a company.
    And set myself up, Red Ken style, as the office of lovely Sarah & Gordon Braun.

    Get yourself and off the shelf company and avoid ruinous Taxes that some bumbling super chancellor introduced. Do!

    (VoiceOver … My name is Tony Blair and I endorce this message)


    • 97
      nellnewman says:

      Very apt. And nearer to the truth than most people realise.


      • 171
        Handycock No1 Trougher in Parliament says:

        You don’t need top set up companies. Just have cash paid into offshore accounts and assets delivered offshore as well, like my villa in Spain. Jahbulon.


  6. 9
    Timmy Tour says:

    Write for us Guido and advertise us using your blog and twitter accounts and we shall reward you handsomely

    The Sport on Sunday


    • 98
      nellnewman says:

      Should that have not read ‘ broadcast for us ken and advertise our aims on your blog and twitter accounts and we shall reward you handsomely’

      armoureddinnerjacket and his tame theocracy.


  7. 11
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    Why is Guido shilling for the dead tree press?
    Oh – I forgot he is taking the brown envelopes now.


    • 20
      Gordon Brown says:

      I need something stuffing in my brown envelope by next Tuesday.


      • 27
        Gordon Brown also says:

        I regret that I am not in a position to inform the House about my personal taste in biscuits.

        This is a classified State Secret, and may affect the Security of the EUSSR.


    • 99
      nellnewman says:

      you’d be better off asking ‘ why is ken shilling for iran’ or ‘why is militwit shilling for the unions’ or ‘ why are the libdems shilling for themselves’………


  8. 13
    On the plus side.. says:

    Sally Bercow got axed from The Star on Sunday just two weeks after Guido started writing for the Star on Sunday.


  9. 14
    annette curton says:

    What’s the tit count for today Guido?.


  10. 15
    Schrödingers tat says:

    Just got back from a day trip to Mars, where I purchased a Thark Bule. It goes very nice my comb over.

    Remember kids, don’t try this at home, leave it to the experienced nutters.


  11. 21
    Expat Geordie says:

    Sorry Guido, no can do mate. If you want a good news tabloid it has to be the Sun. The Mirror and People being too mentally twisted to do anything other than spout bilge. If you want political coverage then go to the Telegraph, Times, Observer etc. If you want tits then it is the Sport. Notice anything missing from that list? Oh yes, the Star on Sunday. I’ll not call you a sell out, but if you really wanted an audience then you should have gone to The Sun on Sunday.


  12. 26

    Talking of those old dead newspaper things, I wonder if anyone can help me? In a fight between those two wicked lying treasonous old hags, Polly Toynbee and Shirley You Can’t be Serious Williams, who should I wish to win/lose?

    I’m in a quandary.


    • 33
      Tyne Pipe Dreams says:

      Cleggie tells his conference at Gateshead that he and THEY are now the party who are changing Britain for the better and who are setting the radical agenda creating a truly Liberal Britain and safeguarding the nation from Toryism……..


      • 39
        My name is Nick Clegg and I am........ says:

        Totally deluded…………..


      • 116
        nellnewman says:

        Well the libdems had better make the best of it whilst it lasts. Nobody will be voting them back anywhere near to any power anytime in the next 100 years or so.

        What a disappointing, failed and failing party they are!!!


    • 35
      Scupulously unfair observer says:

      How about a total (permanent) knockout for both?

      That leaves HaPerson


  13. 32
    sandy says:

    If Ken REALLY believes the USA wants the Iranian oil (chuckle, chuckle) why did the Yanks not take most of the Iraqi oil when they had the chance? Most of it has gone to Russia and the EU. The USA gets very little oil from the Middle East and most of that is from Saudi Arabia. But don’t expect a few facts to get in the way of Ken’s absurd statements. He doesn’t believe what he says but many idiots do.


  14. 34
    A Prick Posing as PM says:

    I say chaps! Jolly Nick gave a spiffing speech, – watt!

    All about the importance of Jabbering, Eating, Excreting, and Tippling!

    And he’s well with us on Wind Farms – what could be better!!


    I DO so love this spiffing Coagulation!



    • 45
      annette curton says:

      Like that one, a coagulation… coagulation posing as a nation.


      • 62
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        I always thought that England and Scotland were two nations posing as a coagulation.


    • 53
      Nick re-launches "The Brain Drain" for the 21st Century says:

      This Tycoon Tax;Mansion tax ; cutting tax relief on pensions contributions for the higher rate tax payers and hounding bankers until they re-locate to China is music to Lib-Dem activists’ ears but who do they actually think create the jobs,earn billions of foreign earnings for the British Exchequer ? Denis Healey tried ithis in the 70’s and pretty soon realised that the UK was losing foreign investment and the entrepreneurs that create wealth for the UK and that Britain was closed for business but then again what do Lib_Dems understand about business…??


      • 232
        They're ALL Disgusting! says:

        All of the political parties, not just the LibDems, DO know how to “give someone [i.e. the public] the ‘business’,” though, as they have been doing, and are continuing to do.


  15. 37
    Snappy Jack says:

    No it’s alrite mate, i’ve already done me bog roll shopping this week.


  16. 38
    Oi Rupert says:

    Mr Murdoch give me a job please.


  17. 40
    Worzel's Doppelganger says:

    Worzel can’t find his Professor head to read the Daily Star.


    • 117
      nellnewman says:

      I’d forgotten about worzel and his heads. That’s what the libdems need isn’t it ?

      2 new heads to help them understand the economics of ordinary folks and small businesses.

      Oh and they desperately need to get rid of vince who understand economics about as well as gordy!!


  18. 43
    The breast of w9 says:

    You just gave everybody yet another reason not to purchase that rag

    Will you be appearring in the 1/4 Asian Babes secton?


  19. 44
    The breast of w9 says:

    Do ou have to kneel whenever you meet Dirty Dick Desmond


  20. 47
    Gutter Press says:

    I will not be buying any newspaper. The media is a disgrace.


  21. 48
    Eric Joyce says:


  22. 52
    Calamity Clegg says:


    You can trust the FibDems to keep this promise….


  23. 55
    Well it's a thought says:

    Try again, N E O must not be on m o dd ing duty as G managed to say nothing nice about Camoron


  24. 63
    Gordon Brown says:

    I wrote a book today called The Amazing Power of Poo. Teddy said it was a best smeller.


  25. 72
    Sir William Waad says:

    Good grief! Is the Daily Star still going? To me, it goes with Carry On films, flared denim hipsters and pop singers with mirrors on their hats.


    • 88
      Reuters correspondent, always first with the news says:

      I have just zapped onto the front page of the Daily Star Sunday

      More inconsequential futility on one page is difficult to show

      All those “celebrities”


      Don’t know one of them…


      • 210
        Ever felt you were getting too old? says:

        It’s an effect of aging dearie.

        Now, just drink this nice cup of Bengers, – then bed.


    • 89
      Daily Star correspondent says:

      Where are the homo gangbangs, shags and WAGs, buggery thuggery and skullduggery of New Labour

      At least they kept us in copy


    • 105
      Austin Powers, cultural icon, baby! says:

      Said Sir William Waad, as if there was anything wrong with all that! Those were great days, Sir Bill, the likes of which we’ll not see again! A hell of a lot more fun, at any rate! A pound was a pound! Russians didn’t own everything! (They were the enemy, FFS!) Asians weren’t trying to blow up the Tube! (Hell, even Micks hadn’t started blowing up shit yet, either!) You didn’t worry you were taking your life in your hands when you shagged somebody! Birds were birds! Poofters stayed in the closet mostly! Everybody liked it that way! Every sentence had an exclamation after it!


  26. 82
    MI5 says:

    Dear Guido

    I may be in profound disagreement with you about the banks, Murdoch and Z i o n i s m

    But I am in agreement about many other things

    Not the least is the Pastoral Letter read out in all Catholic Churches in the UK today about homo marriage

    Let them bugger each other in private

    But not inflict their vice on the public

    PS one of the other problems I have with homos is that they are vicious, with no generosity, like the Noble Ermin Vermin Mandelkraut of that Ilk


  27. 93
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    The FibDems’ proposal for a Mansion Tax is intolerable . After all, what happens if an honest Liebour politician and highly successful Middle East P3@ce Envoy like me has TEN properties ?? Surely you can’t tax me on ALL TEN ???


  28. 95
    bird with small brain says:

    It looks to me like a variation on the Groucho Marx dictum .. I wouldn’t want to join a club that would have me… the fact that the Star wants Guido’s contribution should not be taken as a compliment to him or his loyal followers. I bet this gets modded.


  29. 103
    Going round in circles with Brown's shitst@ins. says:

    A pile boring shite!


  30. 120
    Gordon Brown says:

    i like dropping my guts in the butchers

    yesterday i melted two punds of pork chops with a curry pump


  31. 121
    Sew me a doormat! says:



  32. 124
    Meddling Nell says:

    How do you get rid of shit adver£s?


  33. 131
    Nell is scared of her own Shadow says:

    I would never say c’unt or shit.


  34. 132
    The Lesson unto Noo (Progressive) Boring Liars is taken from Mose Chapter 34, beginning at verse 94 says:

    1. And Mose, driven from the habitation of all normal decent people, wandered in the wilderness. And no-one save the crow which is calléd carrion came by him.

    2. And an hireling, naméd Ed, driven forwarde by a multitude of men clothéd in purple, riding in chariots, followed by jobsworths and jobsworth’s jobsworths, drew nigh unto Mose, and said, Art Thou he, that MincingPrettyBotty said would save thy people and lead them from the wilderness?

    3. And Mose, answered, and said unto Ed: Yeah, I am he.

    4. And Ed said unto Mose: then what doest thou here, in rags, and an hungered?

    5. And Mose answered and said: What doest thou also? Art thou he that, even unkempt, was he that was my liege man, my follower and pretty boy? Even speaking unto the multitude concerning neo-endogenous crap?

    6. And Ed, discomfited, said: Nay, I am not he. I am he chosen by those that are calléd Un Ion. And they say unto me, get thee and receive unto thee the blessing of Mose, and people will follow thee. And I, even I have come, driven as with a goad by those in Chariots and dressed in fine purple.

    7. And Mose considered these matters in his heart, and, opening his mouth, said unto Ed: thou knowest that I, even I, am destined to lead my people from the wilderness. Go now and announce to the people, that I, even I, shall lead them.

    8. And Ed, with an heavy heart, returnéd to the Chariots of those called Un Ion leaders.

    Here endeth the Lesson.


  35. 134
    Soviet Star is read by doormats. says:

    What a lot of bollockski.


  36. 146
    Gordon Braun says:

    Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for buckfast


  37. 151
    Gordon Brown says:

    i have poo stripes in the gusset of my chino trousers


  38. 152
    Gay Simon says:

    I have a red star every day except Sunday.


  39. 155
    Old Boy says:

    The likelihood is most of us posters especially the ones around while Gordon McMong was still PM and ripping him on a daily basis are all on MI5 watch lists. You might not believe me but people have been monitored and put on watch lists by MI5 for less.


    • 160
      nellnewman says:

      Donlt worry about it. If Mi5 has time to watch folks like me doing school runs, spending time with Youngnells in hospital and teaching her how to sail rather than watching out for the enemies of the state, we haven’t got much to worry about!!


    • 161
      Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

      Can’t wait to get my watch !! Hope it’s a R0lex !


  40. 157
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry but I’m one of the no body visitors to this site, but the Daily Star? c’mon


  41. 162
    nellnewman says:

    I’m not especially confrontational but I’ve just been attacked by @BiancaJagger on Twitter +++Laugh+++

    This obviously labour lady says NHS is something better than sliced bread & didn’t like it when I said labour’s NHS had left YoungNell disabled. She seemed to think I was being disrespectful to labour’s memory!!

    She obviously doesn’t have much sympathy for disabled kids.

    Told me to ‘Get Of her Cloud’!! Obviously can’t deal with home truths.


  42. 164
    nellnewman says:

    I’m not especially confrontational but I’ve just been attacked by ++
    @+B ianca Ja gg er on Twitter +++Laugh+++

    This obviously labour lady says NHS is something better than sliced bread & didn’t like it when I said labour’s NHS had left YoungNell disabled. She seemed to think I was being disrespectful to labour’s memory!!

    She obviously doesn’t have much sympathy for disabled kids.

    Told me to ‘Get Of her Cloud’!! Obviously can’t deal with home truths.



    • 166

      Sad that she still needs to feel attached to Mr Jagger’s hooks…


    • 167

      Sаd thаt shе stіll nееds tо fееl аttаchеd tо Mr Jаggеr’s hооks…


      • 170
        nellnewman says:

        Exactly. How Trite was my first thought!

        Suddenly I think that tribe is as tainted as bliar the warmonger, brown the failed economist and livingstone the taxdodger extraordinaire!

        Rotten to the core!


        • 178

          Brown was never an economist.

          He was a historian of the Trades Union movement.

          That fact in itself speаks volumes for the paucity of knowledge in the banking, economics, political theory and media spheres.

          That is why I walked out in disgust; first from the banking fraternity and then from the UK.


          • Anonymous says:



          • Bystander #4 says:

            Thank you that Cat!

            Much relieved – and grateful – for your confirmation of my long held belief that that vile *person* is/was a fraud, an orally flatulent fool ( I would rather his stinking flatus passed via his arse than be delivered to his acolytes), a lying, cheating, incompetent bully, and much more beside.

            I’m sad to read of your job. A life-long suspician of banking had given way to a kind of warmth to the Cap’n Mannerings of a (long past) world who would value integrity and laugh at – what was it? – 110% self-declared incomes / mortgages / incomes or some such twaddle. (Hope that doesn’t ruffle your feathers too much on this otherwise peaceful evening – but it certainly does mine! – considering our first home was bought on the basis of my then meagre income.)


          • @Bystander #4

            Nice of you to express your concern but I am happier out of it, if rather less prosperous than I might have been. (Working on that now to correct.)

            I rose to the highest level, an ambition I had from my youth, and when you get there you really wonder why you bothered (assuming you still have some principles.)

            I worked to bring efficiency to the industry using IT more efficiently to speed up services. But only people can make a true difference to service. We needed to improve on the Mannerings, good as they once were, to bring on gifted people supported by technology. Instead we got the sub-continental call centres.

            There are still parts of the world where you can obtain a first class banking service. It might be imprudent of me to mention where but I think you will get the drift…


      • 175
        nellnewman says:

        You don’t deserve to wear her clothes! —-> @nell_newman @BiancaJagger”

        And this of course is how labour bullies when people disagree with their views. gordy would approve!!


      • 191
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        One might take more notice of her if she had not benefitted from Mr Jagger’s many years of tax dodging.


  43. 174
    Me says:

    @Nell. Bianca does not live in the real world. She lives in an Ivory tower surrounded by nannies and servants to pamper for her every whim.
    It is hard looking after a disabled child/adult. I know, I have experience in this area. The NHS is failing everyone especially the vulnerable and it sounds like it has failed you and your family.
    Lucky for B ianca, she can afford to go private. I doubt she has ever used the NHS in her life. She can afford to go private, most of us don’t have that luxury and are stuck with the rubbish we are given. The tax payer is not given value for money.
    Get out of her cloud? Yeah, that is where here head is well and truly stuck! Cloud cuckoo land?


  44. 177
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Ed Miliband is very quiet about Ken Livingstone.


  45. 181
    Jock in Frock says:

    @Nell. Who would want Bianca’s style, ideas or otherwise?
    Labour is style over substance and it’s now truly ‘down and out’. Labour have ruined the country.
    As for Labour playing fair? Nah! Get tough Nell!


    • 188
      nellnewman says:

      Don’t worry sweetie I’m not likely to cave in to a labour supporting bia nca jag ger who gets angry at me as a grandma who tells the truth about my grand-daugher being made disabled by labour’s uncaring NHS & then goes on to say , because I dared to criticise labour’s NHS, that I’m not worthy to wear her clothes!!!

      +++Laughs sadly+++ Where are her brains??!! And where is her compassion for disabled children??!!


    • 190
      nellnewman says:

      Don’t worry sweetie

      I’m not likely to cave in to a labour supporting b ia n ca ja g g e r who gets angry at me as a grandma who tells the truth about my grand-daugher being made disabled by labour’s uncaring NHS & then goes on to say , because I dared to criticise labour’s NHS, that I’m not worthy to wear her clothes!!!

      +++Laughs sadly+++ Where are her brains??!! And where is her compassion for disabled children??!!



      • 223
        nellnewman says:

        And then gets her friend to suggest on twitter because I disagreed over the NHS that I should commit suicide in a bj suit!! How extreme is that??!

        Socialism at its best or what??!!


  46. 185
    Me says:

    @Nell, reply: Typical Labour. Style over substance.
    That should shut them up for five minutes.


    • 192
      nellnewman says:

      The only thing that’s going to bother her is whether her profits in selling clothes will be affected. AKA bliar – everything is about money!!


      • 196
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        But her circle is invaluable. Who but Keith Richard could have surpassed the “bizarre gardening accident” in Spinal Tap by falling out of a palm tree?


  47. 189
    Schrödingers tat says:

    Anybody know if Nutella is kosher?


  48. 200
    Me says:

    @Ah right Nell. Really, I would not give BJ five minutes of my time. Labour need to learn that we are not interested on how the mega rich perceive the poor, middle class etc. Wtf do they know about real life other than what publicist tell them? Sweet FA!


  49. 211
    nellnewman says:

    Very interesting evening. bi a n ca ja g g er & friends have just suggested on tw itt er I should commit sui cide wearing a bj suit because I said labour’s NHS had failed us.

    How’s that for socialism!!


  50. 216
    Cross Dressing says:

    @Nell ducky! Tell ‘em you would rather go out in style and wouldn’t be seen d e a d in a BJ outfit. You have better taste than that! Gucci? Maybe!


  51. 221
    A Leper says:

    I would give my left arm for a Chanel shoulder bag.
    Bianca Jagger’s tat? I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole.


  52. 225
    Tacky Tactics says:

    B ia nca is using the NHS for publicity reasons.
    Nell, how do you sell goods? Being contraversial works. The t u r d is using you to create interest and curiosity for her t at so that sales will go up. How low can these Slebs go? B ianca’s style is cheap and tacky!


    • 229
      nellnewman says:

      No idea sweetie. But I’ve now had an email warning me not to slander them in my Blog!!!!

      For crying out loud! I use my Blog to write about the unfairness of the NHS and the unfairness of care for disability and elderly care under the NHS.

      These £millionaire ja g g er people are SO UNREAL to go around publicly threatening those of us who are dealing with the difficult things in life !! SO ANGRY.!!!!


  53. 227
    Veruca watch says:

    So the breaking news is that Guido has stepped into Sally Bercow’s shoes.


    • 230
      nellnewman says:

      No the ++++BREAKING NEWS+++ is

      the Ja GG ER family & Friends are supporting Labour over the NHS and if you choose to express an alternative point of view they will be attacking you and suggesting that you commit su ic ide!!

      Love Socialism!!


  54. 231
    Banka Jagger. Banking on the N H S. says:

    @Nell. Who is Banka Jagger? ;)
    I will never buy her goods ever. I will never vote Labour ever. Their ploy has worked hasn’t it? :)
    Be careful Nell. The cow is not worth it!
    On the + side. You must have got to them if they sent you an e m a i l. Well done. Be careful.


  55. 236
    Me says:

    @Nell. Don’t get angry. I worked out these idiots a long time and it is all about p r o f i t and nothing else.
    The truth is on twitter and no doubt many reasonable people will be disgusted and fed up with them. I know I am.
    Find out what your legal rights are in relation to blogging and free speech. Guido might be able to inform you. I don’t see how you are in the wrong. Keep a copy of the tweets and look up on the law in relation to the Intentional infliction of emotional distress. Suggesting suicide? They are deliberately trying to distress you. Nasty!


  56. 237
    nellnewman says:

    Good Night Folks x God Bless. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.


  57. 239
    Jock in a Frock says:

    Good nite Nell. It will all look better in the morning. You got the better of them. Sending you an e m ail. They were well wound up! Haha. x


  58. 240
    B anka JagGer says:

    I sell frocks on the NHS. I am a c u n t!


  59. 244
    Bonkers Jagger says:

    Forced to commit suicide in a Bia nca Jagger outfit?. Definitely trying to inflict emotional harm. Wearing Gucci is preferable and uplifting. Where is your taste woman?
    Sue her for mill ions! C unt!
    There is a reason she sent you that e mail and it isn’t cos you are in wrong! Sue the bytch!


  60. 248
    Taxfodder says:

    Err…I forgot it was Sunday um, thats right isn’t it?


  61. 249
    Josiah Bartlett says:

    I see the Star on Sunday is exempt from Guido’s “Dead Tree Press” tag. Hypocrisy? Sell-out?


  62. 250
    see below says:

    Fuck that!


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