March 9th, 2012

Labour’s Not So New Directors

After a big recruitment campaign, the new £65,000-a-year directors of the Labour Party are set to be unveiled next week, and they seem to have recruited from within. As Guido understands it, the three leading directors are likely to be:

  • Director of Communications: Bob Roberts.
    Currently Ed’s press man, this is a good move sideways and sort of upwards for the former Mirror Political Editor, some confusion as to if he wants to stay in the Norman Shaw building’s leaders office rather than go to the Labour HQ. Also means his career in the party is not over with a change of leader.

  • Director of Strategy: Greg Beales
    Currently Ed’s policy wonk and general consigliere. His other quarter is Katie Myler, the daughter of the former Screws editor Colin. Not much change here. 
  • Director of Policy: Torsten Henricson-Bell
    This former Alistair Darling SpAd was on the inside when they “not only saved the world, but saved the banks too”. He’s been sniffing around for a seat since. He didn’t go far away, and has been advising Ed on economic policy.

There are other less exciting back room roles, but these three will be the significant players. The biggest loser of this reorganisation is the unfortunately titled “Director of Strategy and Communications” Tom Baldwin, who has effectively had his job divided up and handed to other people, in particular Tim Livesey, the former diplomat and adviser to the archbishop. When Tom started, it was made very clear that he was Bob Robert’s boss. It doesn’t really look that way any more…

UPDATE: According to LabourList, who are now catching up with us on this story, Beales will stay in the leader’s office. They also reveal Patrick Heneghan for Field ops and Emilie Oldknow for the dubiously named Governance and Services Director.

UPDATE II: Or not:


  1. 1
    Helpful says:

    Is this the “New generation” ?

  2. 2
    Gordon Brown says:

    What about me?

  3. 3
    Steve Miliband says:

    Torsten Henricson-Bell – sounds like a working class hero

  4. 4
    Tom Badwind says:

    No. We’re recycling some of Gordon’s cast-offs.

  5. 5
    In Other News says:

    ‘Child marriage is a one-way ticket to a life of poverty, illiteracy and powerlessness for girls and the international community needs to take urgent action to stop it, says former prime minister Gordon Brown..’

    Not a problem that Brown encountered. He didn’t get his beard till he was almost 50.

  6. 6

    Sideshow Bob getting on in the world.
    All those comments he left on websites about how wonderful Labour was have paid off.

  7. 7

    For you -A Rastamouse lunch box.

  8. 8
    Helpful says:

    The one on the end (not the slap head) looks like a proper fat David Cameron.

  9. 9

    With a name like that he should be leading the socialist workers party.

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Nigerian hostage crisis goes tits up – Calamity Dave strikes again! Good on yer Dave, it takes supernatural powers of fuck uppery to pick up the mantle of the curse of Gordon and raise it to new heights.

    Keep it up Dave !

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    Joyce charged and pleads guilty to assault. Keep up Guido!

    When is the good bye election?

  12. 12
    Rage Against the Political Elite. says:

    No wonder the Puppet Parties are looking for TAX payers money to support their mismatch of Political ideologies and filling the country full of economic shit

  13. 13
    Joss Taskin says:

    Any relation to Higgs-Boson ?

  14. 14
    Mike says:

    No women!

    Quotas are only meant for other organisations.
    I wonder how Harriet feels about this?

  15. 15
    Helpful says:

  16. 16
    Anonymous says:

    It was not me

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    Should have just left them there to be murdered

  18. 18
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    What a bunch of huhnes!

  19. 19
    Jack Dromey says:

    I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for an all-women shortlist.

  20. 20
    Gilbert Fiddler says:

    Presumably, they’ll all start to make the same mistakes again.

    Recycling has-beens used to be a Tory idea, presumably these chaps know that…

  21. 21
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

    I caused the whole UK economy to implode. That takes real ineptitude of monumental proportions.

  22. 22
    Steve Miliband says:

    I think they belong to the same Shooting Syndicate. Or is it the same Yacht Club?

  23. 23
    Steve Miliband says:

    Director of Policy: ???

    They don’t have any.

  24. 24
    just asking says:

    Didn’t the double-barrelled twat once work for Yvette Cooper?

  25. 25

    “Since Ed Miliband reshuffled his shadow cabinet in early October, the Labour party has issued 830 press releases…”

    That’s about 5 a day, every day. ed Miliband must have said a lot more than I thought.

    Apart from the working with dinosaurs one, he supports predators eating the promiscuous or whatever it was, I can’t remember another single one.

  26. 26
  27. 27
    sockpuppet #4 says:


    Sounds like someone with a scandinavian mother who filled in the birth registration without asking.

  28. 28
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    shhhhhhhh dont mention SAS missions

  29. 29
    Gonk says:

    I think he lunches well.

  30. 30
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    shhhhhhhh…. Can Steve Hilton still give evidence via Video link at Brookes and Coulsons trials

  31. 31
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Bugger off. If there ever was a puppet party it would be a lot better than any of the current bunch of dicks.

  32. 32
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    OK. you’ve convinced me.

    You should get your CV for head of massively dangerous hostage situation organiser. Its in last week’s Guardian you know.

  33. 33
    Makes a change from launching Nokias says:

  34. 34
    Who ate all the pies? And cakes? And pizzas? And burgers? says:

    Greg Beales makes Eric Pickles look anorexic.

  35. 35

    Torsten ?? Torsten marmalade for me – 15 slices, please.

  36. 36
    Technomist says:

    In a paperless world they want to keep their paper blank

  37. 37

    Have you put those three picture together like that on purpose Guido – ‘cos it looks like two predatory queens grooming a schoolboy?

  38. 38
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Not talking about Dave’s ( I’m a serious politician hence the serious face ) SAS mission I see.

    Billy ( SAS ) Vague has been obsessed with achieving an SAS mission in foreign clims since May 2010. Funny – SAS mission in foreign clims, and Billy Boy has gone to ground

  39. 39
    Cameron is a Cunt says:

    meanwhile more people are homeless, more people can’t get the health support they require and lottsa people can’t get a job here in cameron’s wonderful britain

  40. 40
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Modded —oh dear. CHQ on to Guido this morning….Dont mention the SAS

  41. 41
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Another sinecure paid for by the tax-payer out of Short Money?

  42. 42
    Owen Jones says:

    How about a benefit cap to stop chavettes sprogging to get a nice pad with sky?

  43. 43
    Kia Abigdullard says:

    If Torsten was to die whilst on a holiday, will Kia Abdullah laugh when she sees he has a double barrelled name? Or does being Labour exclude him from mockery?

  44. 44
    Ha Ha says:

  45. 45

    I’ll take that job.

    Dear Ed,
    I can continue the policy of being opposed to whatever the Tory policy is, without offering an alternative. i have some great soundbites that we can deploy.

    He just doesn’t get it! He has it delivered!

    Too far, Too fast. Too hot, too cold. Too high, too low.

    Real money for real people in real homes in a realistic team frame without realpolitik, really.

    Our ideas, are your ideas. Our policy is your policy. Our house, in the middle of our street, is a very, very very nice house.

    Ice or melon? Meat or fish? Smoking, or non smoking? Window or aisle? Bride or groom?
    Wine or beer? Onions or relish?

  46. 46
    Because.. says:

    “More people are homeless” – because imm!grants have created a housing shortage.

    “More people can’t get the health support they require” – because the NHS is shit. Always has been, always will be.

    “Lottsa people can’t get a job” – because they were uneducated under a Labour government. And consequently they’re unemployable.

  47. 47

    Don’t worry it was the SBS – they’re Navy and easy to tell apart, as they attack while holding hands.

  48. 48
    NOT says:

    “Torsten Henricson-Bell.. He didn’t go far away, and has been advising Ed on economic policy.”

    Well that was money well spent.

  49. 49
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Especially because the operation was carried out by the Special Boat Service. You’ve gotta laugh when ignorant armchair strategists without a clue of what’s involved point scornful fingers at the wrong service. For instance, maybe the communications interception indicated that the hostages were about to be murdered anyway?

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Stick to the script.
    its horsegate this morning. Child poverty lunchtime and crying about cuts to some wonk thing this afternoon.

  51. 51
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Too much of the white stuff?

  52. 52
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Yup. Just 3 of the 800-odd press releases dealt with the economy. Poor man must have been rushed off his feet.

  53. 53
    Dusty Miller says:

    I sort of get the impression that the Guido team do not like this Baldwin chap. What’s he done to you?

  54. 54
    Tom Watson is a bad Un says:

    Tip for Red Ed. Look at how Bad Al and Tony Blair made Labour electable again. You Sir are following the Neil Kinnock and Michael foot route to absolute FAILURE.

  55. 55
    Steve Miliband says:

    The things these interns have to do

  56. 56
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    He’s in the labour party.

    The other thing is he’s been enjoying newspaper bashing. I don’t see what is especially bad about that, unless he/they are after a job with NI.

  57. 57
    Pundit Too says:

    The middle schoolboy in charge of strategy. Britain really will become a third world country based on this. Baldwin’s photo is the only one of the four that gives anyone any confidence in their abilities or lack of.
    Roll on independent Scotland and the demise of 41 Labour MP’s up there.

  58. 58
    rick says:

    Wot, no wimminz ?

  59. 59
    6749186 HUHNE Cell Block H says:

    Where’s Sally Bercow these day’s ?
    She seems to have gone a bit quiet ?

  60. 60
    Pundit Too says:

    Tim Bell has a lot to answer for.

  61. 61
    Pundit Too says:

    Out of the mouth of a person of ignorance. I suggest you understand the facts before mouthing off.

  62. 62
    Pundit Too says:

    My #61 applies to #10. It got lowered down and Guido needs to rectify his response software.

  63. 63
    Steve Miliband says:

    She lives with that Traveller chap off of the telly now

  64. 64

    You can’t blame the poor chap.
    It was another of those interminable ..

    “Now we go live to get Ed Miliband’s reaction to news about another celeb getting a big payout from Rupert Murdoch.”

    Enough to make anyone nod off.

  65. 65
    Well done says:

  66. 66
    Pundit Too says:

    Could not resist making the above point on Harperson’s wife in the Economist on the story that that silly EC woman wants to bring in EC regulations to enforce a future 40% of women being on company boards. Even the Germans are wondering what to do about her.

  67. 67
    annette curton says:

    He is the Norwegian great grandson of the person that produced the first working telephone system and subsequently made his own millions with the invention of the flying Nokia?. Just a wild guess.

  68. 68
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    What kind of knob pays for a bloody QC to defend him against piddly assault charges when he’s pleading guilty anyway, and it’s being dealt with by a Magistrates’ Court?

  69. 69
  70. 70
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    This looks like a real bunch of losers, Labour Leadership, definate oxymoron! Has anyone given that Rachel Reeves a good spanking yet, she’s getting to gobby for her own good? Still waiting for Murdoch to interview Watson & Bryants underage rentboys, only a matter of time.

  71. 71
    Labour Head of Policy Applicant says:

    You may consider me too young for the head of policy post as I am only 17 but I can bring the young votes with me.
    I have very refreshing ideas of which most will go against your old policies, but there again the current Labour Policy portfolio is a desert, so mine will at least attract attention.
    You will have to find your own immigrant voice though.

  72. 72
    room for a small one says:

    She’s well brought up – won’t talk with her mouth full

  73. 73
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Bull – Dave and Billy have been itching for an SAS mission to make themselves look manly. A tough order in Billys case.

  74. 74
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Eric Joyce….The Bender Basher

  75. 75
    room for a small one says:

    This blog has always had a soft spot for fat cun*ts who can’t get shirts that fit round their necks

  76. 76
    BBC Auditor says:

    Labour and Milliband press releases are subject to a target the BBC have imposed so that they can drown out any positive news from the coalition.
    The fact that they are mundane and tiresome does not seem to worry either Labour or the BBC, though the Guardian is getting a little tetchy.

  77. 77
    annette curton says:

    People are hoping her final appearance is already in the past.

  78. 78
    Anonymous says:

    Who’s the Director for Burgers with Fries on the right?

  79. 79
    Chav#1 says:

    Is he going to stop looking for them then?

  80. 80
    annette curton says:

    P8ople are hoping her final app*arance is already in the past.

  81. 81
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    Shhhhhhhhh Tory expenses crook and jail bird Lord Hanningfield to return to Parliament…..Oh Dear

  82. 82
    Cassandrina says:

    Is number 1 photo really Mark Thompson?
    Sounds most likely as his new job after the Olympics.

  83. 83
    SAS - NOT !!!!! says:

    SBS…bit silly sending a sofa company to rescue hostages

  84. 84
    Gordon Brown Stuff says:

    You cannot polish a tu*d

  85. 85
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    Report them to the EU Kommissars now!

  86. 86
    Ali Baba Campbell says:

    Bring out your old, bring out your old……

  87. 87
    EUSSR Director of Gulags says:

    We have noted your comments, you revisionist running dog

  88. 88
    Pundit Too says:

    Is Guido looking for a new woman?
    This Silver Cupid advert does not even show a really mature (silver) woman. Perhaps the news that the over 60’s are divorcing more has hit his headline and hence he is cashing in on it?

  89. 89
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    It is a little…. bizarre.

  90. 90
    zzzz says:

    Bet he’s thinking of Martine Croxall’s cracking norks

  91. 91
    Eric Joycedick says:

    Shame my mate Jim Devine’s been released from gaol or I could have dossed down with him.

  92. 92
  93. 93
    Betty Swallocks says:

    Oh fuck off ‘Because’

    There isn’t a housing shortage. There’s enough empty property but Local Authorities aren’t allowed to bring them up to standard because of this government’s cuts

    The NHS isn’t shit. I speak as a cancer sufferer, and they have saved my life. No argument. There are however too many people allowed to use it without having contributed.

    People unemployable? Think about it – the unemployment figures have gone up because previously ‘employed’ people are now ‘unemployed’. They’re hardly unemployable are they?

    The Tories believe in unemployment – it’s in their DNA. It keeps the underlings keen and on their toes. The Tories destroyed our manufacturing base in the 80s, by putting all their eggs into the financial services and service industries. All that does is rotate the available money in the country. We need exports to bring hard currency into the country.

  94. 94
    Alistair Tourettes Campbell says:

    Bunch of *@*”! jobsworths!

  95. 95
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    Nothing wrong here. The responses to #10 are listed in ascending order. That’s just the way it works.

  96. 96
    Betty Swallocks says:

    I have a sticker in the back of my car ‘I speedup for horses’
    I would love to see Cameron trampled by one.

  97. 97
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    That word is not in North American English. But I googled it to find out what it means. Good description.

  98. 98

    You say that like it’s a bad thing!

  99. 99
    Mike Hancock says:

    There will always be room for Eric Joyce in the Liberal party. Shagging school girls and acting weired is perfectly acceptable.

  100. 100
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    He has entirely enough child brides and needs to stop now. Like some frickin’ fundamentalist Mormon (I don’t think you have any in the UK. We have one colony here in BC).

  101. 101
    Some Geezer wot thinks Joyce has played "Let's Make A Deal" says:

    “[Who] pays for a bloody QC to defend him against piddly assault charges…?” Aside from the answer of “someone who can afford one,” which might sound sarcastic, the answer may lie in whether Mr Joyce has negotiated himself a sentence more favourable than one would expect in the circumstances, one which may have been obtained in exchange for “favours” of a legitimate kind (he’s going to grass in such a way as that he need not appeer in court when the other people are brought to book, i.e. he’s going to “tell ‘em where the bodies are buried” and the authorities will be able to assemble a case based on other evidence); or, as is distinctly possible when dealing with a politician, “favours” of a somewhat-less-legitimate nature may have been conferred. (I leave this one to your imagination.)

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    Who’s working you, sockpuppet?

    Rule no # 1 – don’t do anything stupid to endanger the hostage’s lives. This was something stupid and it got them killed. I’m sure Clusterfuck Cameron thought he was riding to the rescue but he obviously jumped on the copper’s old nag by mistake.

  103. 103
    Mitt Romney says:

    Some of us Mormons have conventional marriages, y’ know. (Although having a harem of child brides WOULD make me a lot more colorful, don’tcha know!)

  104. 104
    Icarus says:

    Well at least his parents showed more imagination that calling the new addition to the Roberts family Robert.

  105. 105
    A woman says:

    Women should only be on boards if they’re the best person for the job.
    Tokenism only harms women.

  106. 106
    Jacquie Dromey (Miss) says:

    By their own rules at least one of the winning candidates should have been a woman (or a transvestite).

  107. 107
    Sven Gärli says:

    They could hire Karl Rove, Machiavelli and Spinoza but as long as Ed Miliband is leader they’re doomed.

  108. 108
    Chuckus Yamoney says:

    It’s all deck chairs on the Titanic

    Until Labour reconnect with their core value of fairness for the common man instead of grab what me and me mates can from the rich bastards, role switching amongst the media savvy, unprincipled, “entitlement generation” strategy SpAds is meaningless.

    We need an effective opposition and installing new kids to polish the turd will not make Labour electable.

    Listen to the grass roots – something has to change, starting with the serial responsibility deniers of the previous administration.

  109. 109
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Brilliant. you’re hired.

  110. 110
    Mr Z says:

    Greg Beales went to the same Oxford college as Miliband, but dropped out and never finished.

    Very interesting to know exactly how straight he was about that with all his former employers. Word has it he might have forgotten to mention the dropping out part.

  111. 111
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Bus Cat 12.07:
    Google The London Temple, East Grinstead, West Sussex

  112. 112
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Google Maps has a nice picture, and it is impressive on Street View.

  113. 113
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Idiot, always plead not guilty and let the Grand Master fix it for you. Boaz.

  114. 114
    mark oaten's room service says:

    Says who?

  115. 115
    b says:

    even if labour are to blame for lots of things I dont see the coalition as anything other than multimillionaire, incompetent self serving bastards. It doesn’t exclude them from some of the most dire and bureaucratic choices any government has ever made – no one asked for the welfare state to be removed, no one asked for workfare to replace real jobs in real industries, actually no one even voted for the current coalition of the inept -that was a choice they made themselves – democratic we are not

  116. 116
    joescotus says:

    +10 was going to post that but could’nt remember the bitch,s name!

  117. 117
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    But they won’t be these fundamentalist whacko’s who practise polygamy. The official Mormons gave up polygamy so that Utah could become a state. These are fringe crazies.

  118. 118
    Heidi Fleisch late of the Upper East Side says:

    I know I’m only a Colonial but should the heading to this article have read :

    “Labour’s Not So New DIRECTOIRES ” ( as in Knickers worn by Ladies of a Certain Age and Disposition ) ?

  119. 119
    Sue Marsh says:

    It is utterly beyond my comprehension that I didn’t get one of those jobs. I is wimmin AND I made welfare sexy. I’d be snapping me up ;)

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