March 8th, 2012

Guidogram Going Out Shortly

An early Guidogram for you this week due to logistical reasons. It’s all gone a bit “Yes 2 AV” for the Ken campaign. Find out why by subscribing and don’t forget you can now read the blog in the Daily Star Sunday. We’re a 7-days-a-week multi-platform news blogging operation. Subscribing to the Guidogram makes sure that you get emailed Guido’s round up of the week. Thousands of Westminster insiders read it, Downing Street never misses it.

Join the conspiracy and become a subscriber to the Guidogram, free, to keep in the loop.

You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…


  1. 1
    Take that. says:

    Logistical reasons?

    On the lash you mean ;)

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Logistics ?

    Its only Thursday

  3. 3
  4. 4
    Gay Simon says:

    Off to the p-ub.

  5. 5
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    That is the only good thing that labour gave us – they extended the hours that the logistical offices could stay open.

    Didn’t cost them a penny.

  6. 6
    Worzel's Doppelganger says:

    Oo get yer boobies out Aunt Sally. I read Daily Star for my Aunt Sally, I does have to get my Professor’s head on first so I can read it.

  7. 7
    Wait! says:

    “An early Guidogram for you this week due to logistical reasons.”


    ” We’re a 7-days-a-week multi-platform news blogging operation.”


  8. 8
    Polly Toynbee is a cunt says:

    How ironic that on ‘international wimmins day’ the news is dominated by the slaughter of 6 more young men in a pointless war that the feminists tell us is important so girls in Afghanistan can go to school.

    Funny thing is when Polly bollocks Toynbee is prattling on about how hard done by ‘wimmin’ are in the UK she seems not to be interested in the ‘sistas’ taking their fare share of the deaths.

    400+ deaths in Afghanistan and 2 are female, yet women make up 15% of the army, that should be about 40 deaths, yet only 2. Why? Women are now paid the same and the sistas like Toynbee tell us women can do anything so where are the feminists demanding more women are in the front line?

    Who would like to bet that if dead female soldiers were being brought back to the UK on a weekly basis the leftist hags in Parliament would soon be demanding action? Need new vehicles? You’d have them tomorrow, there would be uproar if women soldiers were killed at anything like the rate they should be if they took their fare share of the load.

    Seems to me to be a bit odd that women never seem that bothered about fighting for their ‘sistas’ in the Muslim world.

    But then again as we know the feminists were very keen to tell young boys that it was THEIR duty to fight for women in WW1. Smart trick that one, kill off the men and you can take over the jobs.

    Polly Toynbee, there are plenty of vacancies in the army for all those unemployed lesbian condom advisers or climate change diversity investigators.

    I hear lots of feminists tell us we have to stay in Afghanistan but I don’t see a single ONE of them offering to sign up to go and defend their kindred.

  9. 9
    David Militit says:

    Yes2AV? You disgust me! Ed Militit!

  10. 10
    Sir Aston Martin says:


    I’ve never seen you at St Pancras.

  11. 11
    R.U. Shaw says:

    The religion of piss.

  12. 12
    Prophet says:

    March 2O, International Euro meltdown day.

  13. 13
    Dr Beeching says:

    The Telegraph is ‘muti-platform’.

    Guido’s operation is more like a little branch line halt.

  14. 14
    Tachybaptus says:

    It starts slowly, perhaps by referring to yourself in the third person. But the onset is unstoppable, and after a while you are spouting meaningless bureaucratic jargon without even noticing.

  15. 15
    The Curse of Cameron... says:

  16. 16
    Dr Beeching says:

    In other words he’s spreading himself too thinly so expect less and less from

    The dead-tree stuff come first, obviously.

  17. 17
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Sir Aston Martin is unable to espouse your particular world-view and suggests you need re-skilling. Either that or my head has got so big it’s like the R101 and about to catch fire.

  18. 18
    Some Geezer wot thinks Guido is being needlessly cryptic here says:

    “Logistical reasons” can cover a multitude of sins, Mr Fawkes. Are you barred by a super-injunction from sharing details?

  19. 19
    Mohammad Afar-Jawad (Converted 2009) says:

    Death to feminists

  20. 20
    not a machine says:

    Whilst I am a little wary of making any point off deaths in conflict , before the Talimen came to run Afghanistan , it had some basic healthcare and yes schooling for girls , but Talimen version of Allah put and end to all of that .It is perhaps both mystery and shame as to why Afghanistans supposedly proud tradition of tribal society , has not adopted a different narrative , to help itself . How the Talimen come to block any basic and natural civilising influences is a question time and time again , allah seems to have no answer for , death to the infidels and break out the AK47s often seems as about as far , it can go as a civilisation .

    Your post , whilst no doubt crossing a few invisible barriers , is a breath of fresh air , for feminists often make the all problems soluble with equality , forgetting that an ultimate line exists at the end of it all , and it being a philosphy based on the neck up , view point. Indeed I often blame the likes of Polly and Harriet in there choice selections about men , for unbalancing some of the more inate cultural aspects of good marriage . feminisim thinks it does not make victims out of men , as you point out , so blind iis it to the point of even when men die , trying to enable girls to be schooled , it cannot pause to think .

    Someone on Cramner has posted my favourite marriage quote “marriage is sacrement , it is not for the state to legislate what the church does as sacrement , not even the soviets did that “

  21. 21

    King’s Cross.

    That is not a multi-platform, it is an observation.

  22. 22
    Jenny Pong says:

    It’s all gone a bit “Yes 2 AV” for the Ken campaign.

    The new official expression is

    “Its all gone a bit Jenny Tonge.”

  23. 23
    East India Company wallah says:

    Crinkly Bottom Star

  24. 24
    What does Balls mean says:

  25. 25
    Gordoom Braun says:

    I authorised the use of farce.

  26. 26
    not a machine says:

    somthing on the lines of , I am hoping to get away with it the publics mind in never producing a detailed budget on cuts , or anything else since taking up the reins of opposition . If I had produced a budget i would have had to admitt , I left the economy knackered making labours time in power only worth the first 7yrs the remaining 6 being one long deciet and ponzi scheme with the public finances .
    It will take perhaps decade to put right what labour have done , labours budget priorities are about in absentia of the material facts , or remedy .
    Let alone allowing euro love project to ensure that even when on knees comming out of recession another bailout bill ,is still part of the legacy .

    Labours budget priorities should be , just resign !

  27. 27
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Don’t you just love Labour? When in Government THEY commission a report into the railways. The Tories then come to power, get the report and implement the recommendations and then the Labour party say this.

    “…Shadow transport secretary Maria Eagle said Labour would not have accepted all of Sir Roy’s recommendations and she said she was concerned about the plan to give train operating companies the “whip hand” over Network Rail.

    She claimed the government’s strategy was based on its “inability to stand up to vested interests”.

    Ms Eagle said there were “clear conflicts of interests” in the government’s proposed reforms and a danger of the country’s railway infrastructure being sold off…”

    So what was the point of the report if you’re not going to implement the recommendations you stupid fucking cow?

  28. 28
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The Greasy Eagle Sisters.

  29. 29
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The Greedy Brothers – Chris Bryant and Ken Livingstone.

  30. 30
    Correction says:


  31. 31
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Fuck off Balls you loser.

  32. 32
    Ah! Monika says:

    Remploy employees or Cash to India? Question for next week’s PMQs

  33. 33
    Marty Feldman says:

    The Hunt got a free 5 minute Labour Party broadcast on the BBC 6 O Clock News speaking to some scrounging bastards who were on about having to work more hours for their tax credits or something.

    Then a gentle interview with Toenails about evil Tories, too far too fast, flatlining, VAT rise devastation and how he could sort out all the country’s problems by taxing a bit more and cutting a bit less. “Anything else you’d like to say to the country, Shadow Chancellor?”.

    What a fat useless cock. That applies to both of them.

  34. 34
    Labour says:

    We have sent Jonathan Roberts to a Re-education Camp so his incorrect views on Ken Livingstone can be adjusted.

  35. 35
    Take note Camo says:

  36. 36
    Deficit denail is back.... says:

  37. 37
    Channel Mong says:

    Red Ken is the Glasgow Rangers of political football! Well and truly stuffed!

  38. 38
    Waiting for Guido's Cross-Hairs to appear says:

    I feel it’s time for you to polish up the cross-hairs again Guido – something is stirring in the bush.

  39. 39
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Harsh but far. Hair-piece be upon you.

  40. 40
    Channel Mong says:

    Are Labour hiding in the closet until the economic mess is cleared up? Not much of an opposition are they? What a bunch of chinless wonders.

  41. 41
    illogical says:

    Remploy employees to India seems a bit harsh.

  42. 42
    illogical says:

    Writing a sparkler for the Star?
    Baby sitting the kids? [management of the flow of goods between the point of origin and the point of destination]?
    Management of the flow of uplifting spirits in the pub?
    Holiday in Ireland or France?
    Cannot spot one sin at all.

  43. 43
    say what you see says:

    No thanks, fuck off you media whore.

  44. 44
    longtime lurker says:

    Moderation on this site is bonkers.

    You’ve gone downhill rapidly.

    Bye bye.

  45. 45
    Saffron says:

    They have not got a feckin clue,absolute and utter economic idiots spouting shite.
    Balls is what the name implies with the preface of ALL.

  46. 46
    David Camewrong, saviour of Bhopal says:

    Cash to Brazil, it’s the right thing to do. Bill can launch their space program.

  47. 47
    Gordon Brown says:

    Nurse …. Nurse ! My botty need modding.

  48. 48
    Gor donut Brown says:

    Women’s day. Yeuchh!

  49. 49
    Stevie Wonder says:

    I would

  50. 50
    Well it's a thought says:

    Go and buy a 12bore that could mod you and your botty if placed in the right spot.

  51. 51
    FUCK FEMINISM! says:


  52. 52
    thick as thieves says:

    Fack off you racist scum

  53. 53
    Woof Woof says:

    No you

  54. 54
    Alas says:

    Seems so, and the readership reflects this.

    This post went live more than 4 hours ago, but has only received 49 comments. A few months back (before the Hair Bear mong showed up and started m0dd!ng everything in s!ght) it would have been 149+ comments.

  55. 55
    Banned says:

    Who gives a flyin fuck , babes ??

    Don’t forget Biased BBC live thingy later .

    I LUVS the BBC , me .

    They is a bit bent but if u’s got half a brain ur bonce will see thru all the crap an that .

    Coool sound :

    Crappy sound but live :

    Byeeee :P

  56. 56
    The Profit Moohamid says:

    I’ll dr!ink to that!

  57. 57
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    Getting that way myself.

  58. 58
    Mr Chauvinist-Pigg says:

    Hmm. Make sure they finish doing the dishes, first.

    And send me some brochures on this rel!gion thing of yours. Sounds interesting.

  59. 59
    EdButLookBalls says:

    The Eagles – a pair of Rugged Rug-Munching Munchkins take it to the limit !

  60. 60
    EdButLookBalls says:

    Why the mod?

  61. 61
    EdButLookBalls says:

    It’s the BBC oxygen they get that is the greater problem, without any challenges!!

  62. 62
    David Camoron says:

    Well, the obvious solution to this problem, and I’ve discussed this with Nick, is to bring many more tens of thousands of N!gerians into Britain every year so that we can civilise them.

    We tried this with Som alis, and it didn’t work, not yet anyway, but by crikey golly gosh we’ll keep trying, what what?

  63. 63
    EdButLookBalls says:

    ManU getting a new arsehole ripped…but surviving!

  64. 64
    Bowel Ferret says:

    I’d rather be in front, if you don’t mind, Guido.

  65. 65
    WVM says:


  66. 66
    Old Balls, Old Ideas, Old Lies says:

    I thought the same thing when I saw it.

    Shameless Labour propaganda from the BBC.

    Interesting that Balls “supports a mansion tax” providing it “doesn’t replace the 50pc tax rate”.

    The 50pc tax rate – Labour’s 50pc tax rate – DOESN’T RAISE ANY F*CKING MONEY.

    As Balls and Labour well know.

  67. 67
    Wishful thinking says:

    His wrists, hopefully.

  68. 68

    Don’t forget to attend the ‘Biased BBC Live Blog’ at 10:30pm.

    Question Time tonight is in Tats home town of Guildford.
    And David Dimbleby is joined by…
    Eric Pickles
    Caroline Flint
    Will Young
    Janice Atkinson-Small
    Will Self

  69. 69
    WVM says:

    Do fuck off tat there’s a good chap.

  70. 70

    It is an auto-mod, only used for a few words.

  71. 71
    WVM says:

    Too quick and too painless, his Achilles tendons would be far more fun.

  72. 72
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    If it was a few words that would be fine, but it’s *any* words that include various combinations of letters.

    Sp.eaker, Europ/ean, driv.el, etc.

    I would seriously recommend taking up Paragnostic’s offer to re-write your modding code.

  73. 73

    Will pass on your comment.

  74. 74
    WVM says:

    I’m sorry but you’ll find the word ‘ρea’ in more than a few words.

  75. 75
    WVM says:

    Fair enough.

  76. 76
    Are tarpaulins just a cover ? says:

    We complain repeatedly at our mistreatment,
    Harry crooks at Westminster without appeasement .
    It’s a sad state of affairs,
    Don’t say drivel, drink or pears
    For the price of a transgression is impeachment.


    We like letting steam off here day after day
    But someone behind the scenes gets in the way.
    Coleslaw is quite absurd,
    Just abstain from saying turd;
    Like that Mandy, ‘bot just will not flush away.

  77. 77
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    Thanks. Genuinely.

  78. 78
    Cutie says:

    I’d fuck most of them given the right, legal, substances. Pickles would require something stronger though.

  79. 79
    Hettie Mologist says:

    312 in this list :

    (and that doesn’t even include European)

  80. 80
    Pot Head Pixie says:

    I’m totally wired. That Dave Vance had better be on good form.

  81. 81
    Über-Commenter says:

    If you do come, please play together nicely.

  82. 82
    Thanks for that! says:

    Well there you go, it’s a minefield and the longer your post the greater the chance it’ll get modded or blocked unless you check each and every word for the nasty evil ‘ρea’.

    ρea ρea ρea ρea ρea ρea ρea ρea <—– what use is it anyway?

  83. 83
    WVM says:


    Oh, looks like you can type that word now???

  84. 84
    Ichabod says:

    One of the worst aspests of feminism is that employers, especially large companies, feel obliged to make women take on more responsibility and make them supervisors, line managers, etc. etc. Generally they are not good at handling the extra responsibility- they panic about jobs not being complete on time, they do not know how to speak to staff properly and respectfully ( they feel they have to firm and abrasive), they don’t take responsibility if things go awry and are forever running to management to stab someone in the back.
    Also feminists like the ghastly and utterly fatuous Harriet Harman moan that this recent recession was unfair to women, as they were disproportionately losing their jobs; odd I dont remember during the early 1980’s when one manufacturing firm after another were closing or reducing staff , men complaining that they were being treated unfairly.

  85. 85
    Ichabod says:

    Will Dimbleby shut Flint up when she starts to interrupt anyone who starts to corect her illusions ?

  86. 86
    WVM says:

    I’ve never hated anyone I’ve never met, but when it comes to the smug navel gazing Will Self I’ve made an exception.

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    Move over Gordon, there’s a new kid in town.

  88. 88
    Ichabod says:

    Fuck me …have you seen Caroline Flint’s hair ? No one has hair that black, and certainly not at her age . Is it a wig ? Or does she dunk it in dye vat ?

  89. 89
    Ed Balls (as Gene Wilder) says:

    Damn your eyes! (I know, I know: “Too late!”)

  90. 90
    Sir Topham Hat says:

    Somehow it seems appropriate that a multi-platform operation would have a Fat Controller.

  91. 91

    Harold Wood Twickenham, knowing Fulwell Seven Sisters Feltham Welling up Hampton Wick.

  92. 92
    Ejukayshun today, eh? says:

    You mean to say this (eminently sensible) idea hadn’t already occurred to you??

  93. 93
    Gor donut Brown says:

    No – modded
    I hate being modern.

  94. 94

    Taxes or taxis ??

    I have problems with both.

  95. 95
    From Abbott to Fatbot to shagable says:

    OMG!!! Diane Fatbott has had a full makeover. She even looks shagable now.

    Tune in to this week on BBC1 now.

  96. 96
    R.U. Shaw says:

    No branches of Specsavers nearby ?

  97. 97
    sage says:

    This is a serious problem for the male. The Female of the species is able to make herself look attractive with paint and powder alone.

  98. 98
    Some Geezer wot hopes it'll be the former says:

    As in, will pass it along, or as in, will pass? Not real clear…

  99. 99
    The BBC are cunts says:

    Three hours in our make-up department will fix anybody.

  100. 100
    Handypara says:

    Brillo: “We like to ask the big questions on this show.”
    Fucking shame you haven’t made a sensible attempt to answer any of them for years!
    Still not decided if it’s a politics show or a comedy show? In fact it’s a dreadfully weak attempt at being both that slides ignominiously down a hole in between.
    Fatuously superficial attempts at politics, with the occasional Abbot appearance constituting the comedy.

  101. 101
    Leighton Wither-Trowel says:

    We know you make up the news; I guess you have to get the news-readers plastered as well before they’ll tell such lies.

  102. 102
    Tachybaptus says:

    I think you’d need camouflage paint in this case.

  103. 103
    The Boss says:

    Guido is busy fulfilling the role of ‘random person’ and is writing for Boris that which will be e mailed from a ‘random address’ so all of you just relax,he’ll be back.

  104. 104
    Kony says:

    I want Dianne Abbott in my gang

  105. 105
    It's how they gain power says:

    Very true but the left and the Labour party in particular are the greatest gender hustling divide and concur c’unts this side of the 20th century.

  106. 106
    Barbara Carthorse says:

    You’re always in such a hurry these days.

  107. 107
    Yogi says:

    I have catholic tastes.

  108. 108
    Boo Boo says:

    But could you eat a whole one ?

  109. 109
    not a machine says:

    Little I feel I want to add , one aspect of homosexual marriage was covered on QT perhaps out of polite consideration , but equally a lack of Christian understanding in why heterosexual marriage is sacrement in addition/relation to the law . Being as mummy and daddy are conisdered equal in marriage and its popular approach to child upbringing , it is perhaps grotesque to think that unravelling it , will make things better , should forging the differences become meaningless . Husband and wife is not a hate crime , indeed it is fundamental love resource , in considering further vessels of life or procreation , that homosexuality does not inhabit in natural ways of life .

    Ms Flint got a little confounded on mansion tax , i wasnt sure wether she thought it was a good idea or not , but then again neither has the shadow chancellor articulated any of it . The one thing it will be causing is , some thought about if local authority revenues are working , I say this as the council tax levels have just been posted in my local paper , whilst capped within goverment guidelines , they still seem to out of some sort of reality , which is perhaps due to some of labours more wastefull local government leftovers . One day perhaps it will make complete sense , why our victorian approaches to municipal works and civic costs , were always based on , safe job but on modest pay , with a modest pension , gave such a protracted period of civic improvement , and size of budget never mattered in determining executive pay .
    It will be interesting to see if county accounts , have not really spotted that council tax rises are disproportiantley having to fund , unchallenged salaries and increases , let alone pensions . The lollipop lady has to go , whilst the 80k plus a year on payroll engineers the case for modest 3% wage rise , the trouble being 3% of 80k plus pension contributions is enough to finish off the lollipop ladies job in normal circumstances let alone recession .

  110. 110
    DfID spokesperson says:

    £480,000,000 gratis, for our huge friends and allies Argentina, is a sound investment we can all be proud of.

  111. 111
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    It’s a valid point that more men are unemployed than women, the media forget this when the go on about female unemployment.

    Also Harman has NEVER asked for equality in the front line as she has for the boardroom, I wonder why?

    Could it be she and her sisters wouldn’t like to see women killed but quite happily accept the slaughter of 18 year old boys?

  112. 112
    Really? says:

    An infuriatingly double-edged American usage: ‘pass on’ could mean ‘pass’ as in approve, or ‘pass’ as in veto. Might I offer this as a solution?

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Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

“It would be a fatal mistake, in my view, for Labour to go into this election looking as though it is the party that would better resource the National Health Service but not necessarily put its foot to the floor when it comes to reforming. Look, reforms are not easy, but the Labour Party is not a conservative party. It should be about moving things forward not preserving them in aspic. You have got a pale imitation actually of the 1992 general election campaign, and maybe it will have the same outcome. I don’t know.”

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