March 4th, 2012

Hain’s Raw Memoir

Guido hasn’t read Hain’s “Outside In memoir yet, though his interview in the Observer suggests that it should, to a extent generous even by the standards of political memoirs, be filed under fiction. On having to resign after being exposed for over-spending an undeclared £100,000 under-the-counter on his Labour Party deputy leadership campaign he pleads

“It was about an honest mistake and a disorganised end to the campaign and when I found out about it I told everyone. It’s quite possible that nobody would ever have found out if I hadn’t done that. And a lot of thanks I got for it.”

Not true, Hain only went to the police about it after details were published on this blog and on the front page of the Guardian. Decca Aitkenhead says in the interview that for Hain “the subject is still terribly raw”. No doubt it is, that is still no excuse for falsifying the facts.


  1. 1
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    The future is bright, the future is orange.

  2. 2
    Tachybaptus says:

    The man is entirely a work of fiction. Even the colour of his face is a poorly executed fantasy.

  3. 3
    Ah! Monika says:

    Tangoed was Guidoed

  4. 4
    What does he mean? says:

  5. 5
    Bert says:

    Hain can fuck right off the fucking crook.

  6. 6
    genghiz the kahn says:

    If that Hunt Hain hadn’t left the Liberals for Labour, would he have lasted the course to end up as a minister in Call Me Dave’s coalition.

    This BBC profile is good for a laugh.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Fucking clown.

  8. 8
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    He is communicating with his handler.

  9. 9
    Sorry, but i think this is quite funny. says:

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    All lefties have selective memories. They can’t even remember that the reason they became socialists in the first place is money envy.

  11. 11
    genghiz the kahn says:

    It is the signal to launch the coup to remove the usurper Ed.

  12. 12

    He deserves the rope for his services to cricket.

  13. 13
    Joe the Plumber says:

    He used to think that planting bombs on railway stations that killed old ladies was a jolly good wheeze.

  14. 14
    john in cheshire says:

    The alien known as Mr Hain should have been expelled from our wonderful country decades ago. That he is at the heart of our political system shows those who want to see how we have been subverted as a nation by unscrupulous marxists/communists/socialists/fascists/greenists and whatever else these demons choose to be known by.

  15. 15
    Floozie says:

    The man has serious mental issues. He wasn’t elected to wimpy Ed’s shadow cabinet because “I think a lot of people thought I would be elected anyway so they didn’t have to vote for me, so, er, there we are. It was a rather surprising outcome from my point of view, but I think that was probably the reason actually.” The first man in human history that wasn’t elected because he was too popular!

  16. 16
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Are you saying that DUEMA is doomed? What about our childrens future? We need at least one of the brothers to take us to Valhalla, it is their birthright.

  17. 17
    what's he on? says:

    I think he’s taken an illegal substance.

  18. 18
    Steroid says:

    Jonny. Remember me.

  19. 19
    Safely outside the EU says:

    Hain was and is a very nasty piece of work. I have a file on him and will try and find it for you. If I do you can publish it – it is a fascinating glimpse into the mind of a mad man.

  20. 20

    How can anyone like him get to where he has in politics?

    What sort of pondlife do we have in sufficient numbers to elect him?

    I mean!


  21. 21
    Twisting Twesting says:

    Have you seen our TV ad? Think you know the story of the Three Little Pigs? Get the #wholepicture with the Guardian— The Guardian (@guardian) March 4, 2012

  22. 22

    The bastard has even claimed for heating oil before now. Pity OAPs can’t.

  23. 23
    Ze moderation has gorn mad says:

  24. 24
    A common man says:

    Well last time i looked there was no such thing as homosexual marriage. So how can it be defended?

  25. 25
    Peter Grimes says:

    His handler’s normal method of communication with tango Hain is a hand up his arse and a swazzle.

  26. 26
    Legion says:

    A case of divide and rule…….

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Vile permatanned shit

  28. 28
    sandy says:

    That woman.

  29. 29
    Pardon me for my ignorance but... says:

    I thought it was a truth held as self evident that Hain is a c unt .

  30. 30
    Legion says:

    Many distasteful and odious creatures lurked in the NU labour period.

    Few matched Hain for sheer fuckwittery. He embodies everything that is wrong.

    A clown without makeup and how such a prat achieved office is beyond my understanding.

  31. 31
    riddle diddled says:

    They can call it what they fucking well like, but it won’t be marriage. BTW, why is Cameron so fucking obsessed with this issue?

    “But back-bench Conservative MP Peter Bone said he did not know where the government’s mandate to pursue the issue came from.

    “It wasn’t in our manifesto. It wasn’t in Labour’s manifesto. It wasn’t in the Liberal manifesto.

    “Nobody in my constituency before this row has ever come up to me and said this is an important issue that needs to be dealt with.

    “It came completely out of the blue and it should certainly not be put before the next general election.” BBC.

    Could be that Ken is right all along.

  32. 32

    Ben loves playing divide and rule.

  33. 33
    Another Politico Troughing Twat says:

    Another troughing crooked politician, remember he had his 94 year oold mother on his MP’s payroll. In the 60’s he was a militant student from either S Africa or Zimbabwe, campaigning against apartheit. he was jailed for demonstrating when the Springboks were playing over here, that is how he got into politics, never had a job!

  34. 34
    Heater Pain says:

    Has there ever been a political memoir written that couldn’t be subtitled: “Why I was always right and everyone else was wrong?”

  35. 35
    sandy says:

    There was a man called Hain
    Whose head was minus a brain
    His cleaner said
    When changing his bed
    I’ll never get rid of THAT stain.

  36. 36
    Legion says:


    I don’t think letting two blokes marry is a vote winner.

    Very PC I am sure but the great British public would in all honesty never want it discussed let alone legalised.

    Says it all when that racist cow supports it.

  37. 37
    Mrs van der Kaffirbasher says:

    Isn’t he sponsored by Cuprinol?

  38. 38
    Boarding school boy says:

    Is Cameron a closet homosexual ?

  39. 39
    Busby says:

    Could be that fatbot is hoping that a woman will marry her after all these years of rejection by the male gender.

  40. 40
    George Osborne says:


  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    even the Guardian know the truth about Hain:

  42. 42
    AC1 says:

    Several IMHO

  43. 43
    AC1 says:

    Must be an edict from our Rulers in the E.U.S.S.R.

  44. 44
    Iva Biggun says:

    Fuckin ell ! a fat champagne socialist money grubbing pig caught out telling fibs, whatever next? Tony B LIAR turning catholic? as if.
    Before you know it TONY B liar
    will be on his knees begging forgiveness for all of the deaths he is responsible for, it’s nice to see the strain telling on his rat like face, you never forget the bad things you have done do you Tony? i know you wake early every day with the guilt of your lies and sins tapping on your ego, i hope you never die and that every day of your miserable life you face up to what you have done from that awful moment you wake up to the blessed relief when you finally get to sleep the sleep of a tyrant.

  45. 45
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

    That’s my copyright.

  46. 46
    David Camoron is socialist scum says:


  47. 47
    Some Geezer wot knows Hain is the disease, not the cure says:

    Remember, this was the bloke who was and still is involved with that medical quackery organisation looking for NHS to cover its alleged treatments, an organisation that was so dodgy Prince Jughead had to distance himself from it, and when HRH’s patronage was withdrawn, it folded, and came back to life in another guise. Hain apparently cannot get involved with anything, even something one would think would be benignly apolitical like medicine, without its somehow being sleazy and untoward.

  48. 48
    Peter Mandelson says:

    I am a consultant. I know lots of stuff. Consult me. I’m clever.

    Also, I think it’s a really great idea to stick my willy up other men’s bottoms.

    Please call for my advice. About anything.


  49. 49
    the poet laureate says:

    There once was a politician called Hain,
    whose pillow was covered in stains,
    his son said, “papa, how’d you ejaculate so far?”
    Hain said, “I practiced again and again.”

  50. 50
    The m0dding on this site is nuts says:

    There once was a politic!an called Hain,
    whose pillow was covered in st@ins,
    his son said, “papa, how’d you ej@culate so far?”
    Hain said, “I practiced again and again.”

  51. 51
    Ctesibius says:

    Summerskill is mad. There is nothing to stop homosexuals marrying. Never has been.

    Note 1: a marriage is a contract between a man and a woman. There is no requirement for or test to establish whether either is homosexual. Or heterosexual for that matter.

    Note 2: A Civil Partnership is a similar contract between two people of the same sex. There is no test as to whether either or both is homosexual.

    If Summerskill thinks that heterosexuality has to be proven before people can be married, how does he think that proof is furnished? Photography? And how does someone up for a Civil Partnership PROVE they are homosexual? The way they walk? Flapping their hands?

    This debate is utterly ridiculous.

  52. 52
    AC1 says:

    >If Summerskill thinks that heterosexuality has to be proven before people can be married

    Unconsummated marriages are void and grounds for divorce.

  53. 53
    Gay windmill hugging Husky shagging solar panel fuckfest poofter fem Dave says:

    What is even odder is that Cameron wants to ban hetrosexual civil partnerships.

  54. 54
    In the Psychiatrists Chair says:

    Hе’s іn аn аbusіvе rеlаtіоnshіp wіth thе BBC.

    Hе thіnks thаt іf hе dоеs thіs thеy’ll lоvе hіm fоr іt аnd stоp cаusіng trоublе.

  55. 55
    Gordon Brown says:

    I resent that!

    Tho’ arh’ must sa’ ar’ cannae think why!

  56. 56
    Gay Dave says:

    There is something badly sadly wrong when Di Fatbot is supporting a Tory PM.

  57. 57
    chosenness is better than godliness says:

    Why not call it, “holy buggery”; it works as a religious sacrement and also as an expletive deleted?

  58. 58
    A Prick Posing as PM says:

    I say chaps. – steady on!

    All one is trying to do is bring honesty into the discussion! Can’t be fairer than that, – or more reasonable!

    Now, – I’ve got a great scheme for helping more people enjoy the benefits of owning, or part-owning a windmill.

    Why not give it a try? – surefire way of enjoying a nice little earner!

  59. 59
    Equine Wife says:

    Give him a break. How would you like to go home to a horse every night?

  60. 60
    A Divvy ‘n Equal Titty Ofsah, also da Include an’ da Outretching, in a Town Hall near you says:

    Now dat lanwage am def’nit out of de pail! – or am it de bucket?

    Anyways, yo’ all knows da Botty gal am de main gal roun’ dees parts.

  61. 61
    AC1 says:

    Authoritarian Keynesian/Malthusian narcissists.

  62. 62
    Spartacus says:

    well behind jacqui smith though . . .

  63. 63
    Evil Landlord says:

    They are voidable rather than void.

  64. 64
    The Paragnostic says:

    He’s MP for Neath.

    Think Norfolk, but with less genetic diversity.

  65. 65
    The Paragnostic says:

    Never forget the eugenics, either.

  66. 66
    The Paragnostic says:

    Who is Sen Bummerskill and should I care what he thinks?

  67. 67
    The Paragnostic says:

    A strangely hued member for Neath
    Was quite orange, apart from his teeth
    Which glowed in the dark
    When he went to the park
    Or the toilets up on Hampstead Heath.

  68. 68
    Richard III analyst says:

    Have you been feeling a little flushed lately ?

  69. 69

    Why yes, I had forgotten he’d started off with the dogshooters.

    I’d like to say thanks for the memory, but with Hain it is more like a noxious sticky nightmare where you wake up thinking “Phew, thank goodness that was all a dream” shortly followed by the horrible realization that it wasn’t.

  70. 70
    Jimmy says:

    Are you people really still this sore over the end of apartheid?

  71. 71
    The Paragnostic says:

    For myself, I’m quite happy that apartheid has ended.

    I still hate Hain though – he’s an arrogant twat with a sense of entitlement like all politicians.

  72. 72
    Gordon Brown says:

    That worked for me.

  73. 73
    pigs in space says:

    cameroon likes riding horses, even playing away on Raisa

  74. 74
    Pantyhose 14 says:

    His involvement in a bank robbery remains unresolved.

  75. 75
    Connie Stituent says:

    Well said Bert. WTF do we allow all these bloody foreigners to stand for or indeeed into our Parliament anyway? I bet there are no Brits in the RSA or Indian parliaments etc – or in the US Congress – so why are aliens permitted here?

  76. 76
    Will says:

    We are talking about a man who was almost blown up, framed for a crime he did not commit and exiled from his homeland for working tirelessly against apartheid. This was at a time when the British right was wholeheartedly supportive of the South African regime. Yes, he does come accross as arrogant, and the deputy leadership expenses stuff was stupid. But he worked tirelessly to destroy an evil system, and played a very important part in turning British public opinion against apartheid. None of you lazy nihilists have ever done anything a tenth as important, courageous or noble.

  77. 77
    Connie Stituent says:

    Have you actually seen the current mess of what was once a beautiful country since it has been handed back to the natives? Jo’burg is now effectively a no-go area and Cape Town is rapidly catching up. Place has gone to the dogs and is highly unlikely to ever come back.

    Maybe we should send Hain back to sort it out?

  78. 78
    Some Geezer wot's sure YOU fought the apartheid regime with gums, not guns says:

    Yes we are, Jimmy; thanks for asking. (Most of us yearn for the good old days of the Commonwealth, under the strong and able leadership of the Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell, too.) We really do believe we are morally and intellectually superior to all other humans and can be trusted to govern wisely and benevolently. We do believe the inherent differences between the races are so great as to warrant separate tracks in schools, workplaces, government programmes and the like. We believe that different cultures must be allowed to be kept to themselves. We believe that people who express unpopular viewpoints should be “sent to Coventry.” We believe all these things, Jimmy. I tell a lie. YOU believe all these things– it’s how the Left regard the race problem and it’s how the Left feel about themselves. At bottom, not a whole lot different to how those 17th C. holdovers of Dutchmen down in SA ran their place– they were just a lot more honest about it. The biggest difference is that in SA, non-whites couldn’t vote, so the Dutchmen didn’t think they needed to curry favour by patronising them.

  79. 79
    David Camoron says:

    I won’t be speaking in the house today, I’m feeling a little horse.

  80. 80
    Pretorian guard says:

    How very most peculiar! Des Tutu and Nelson Mandolin among thousands of others were also tireless agitators for the end of apartheid but they were never exiled. So what was different about the orange one? Must’ve been his complexion.

  81. 81
    50 Calibre says:

    I thought it was a bookshop in Putney…

  82. 82
    Gordon F Brown says:

    I am not, nor have I ever been, an alien and I didn’t have sex with that woman either, did I?

  83. 83
    CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

    “falsifying the facts”

    Interesting way of saying that he was lying through his teeth!

  84. 84
    anonymous says:

    the only thing that all governments are agreed upon, consistently, is the robbery of the poor by the rich

  85. 85
    Whit Evan Driver says:

    There should be a section in Hain’s manual explaining how to stop him pulling to the left.

  86. 86
    The Quite Man says:

    Yes put a red rosette on a donkey and it would be elected in Neath . Just like putting a blue rosette on a fool like Cameron gets him elected.

  87. 87
    Lord Michael Caine says:

    Don’t forget the Putney bank job.

  88. 88
    sjm says:

    Yes, to be serious for one tiny moment: Chris Mullin’s Diaries. You may not agree with his politics, but he was sincere, modest and honest.

  89. 89
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    If this is part of an initiative to humanise a Milliband, it already needs a re-launch.

  90. 90
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    It’s worse than we thought – it’s actually achievement envy. Just look at our schools and colleges after 13 years of social engineering.

  91. 91

    I recently heard him on the radio down here in South Africa. Naturally he was punting his book and made great issue about how his folks had fought apartheid, even being banned before being kicked out of the country.

    Sadly the interviewer didn’t have the wit to ask The Orange One why, if he knew first hand how despotic regimes could suppress dissent, he remained a minister in one of the most illiberal governments ever foisted upon the British people. A government that wanted to bring in the British equivalent of the Dompas, tried very hard to overturn the laws of habeus corpus and introduced what in effect are the British equivalent of banning orders. All things the old apartheid regime in Pretoria used to keep the locals in their place. Things Hain’s parents fought so hard against.

  92. 92
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Ah! Another work of fiction!

  93. 93
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    The Winnah!!

  94. 94
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Remorse is for little people. All those Iraqis went to Muzzie heaven knowing that it was a noble thing to die for the cause – the betterment of Tone.

  95. 95
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Apartheid still exists, as any Englishman living and working in Scotland well knows.

  96. 96
    Peter Grimes says:

    Nice try to slip in an attack on Boy Dave, rather spoilt by the fact that illiterate, ZaNuLieBor ‘educated’ trolls don’t know the difference between ‘quite’ and ‘quiet’.

  97. 97
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Hain’s a politician – lying and re-writing history are part of his DNA.

  98. 98
    Popeye says:

    What amazes me is the fact that any word that emerges from his mouth is not immediately seen as a lie?

  99. 99
    Chiel says:

    Ronseal actually

  100. 100
    Poptastic says:

    Never heard of them, what did they sing ?

  101. 101
    Popadoodledoo says:

    He’s the lead singer with the Eugenics.

  102. 102
    LabourScum says:

    Being a Labourite you know he’s lying cos his lips are moving.

  103. 103
    Anonymous says:

    And we have seen since the last general election that “a donkey” is no match for “a fool” at PMQs.

  104. 104
    Anonymous says:

    Why be amazed Popeye? Just be aware of the golden rule applicable to him & most politicons viz:- if the lips are moving it’s a lie.

  105. 105
    Anonymous says:

    That is for Billy to decide. BTW,where is he? Maybe he is using a new disguise & I have not seen through it. Can’t rely on mistakes in grammar or punctuation to identify him owing to 13 years of LieBour education producing too many contributors to this weblog.

  106. 106
    Phil says:

    It’s a pity when your lot try and run a story which is a load of horseshit when at the same time real horseshit is being spouted daily by the likes of Hain.

  107. 107
    Moscow Mike Handycock (sex Tourist on Taxpayer's money) says:

    Congratulations to a well deserved victory for Vladimir Putin. He is a great Leader and the right one for the Russian nation. All this talk of crooked elections is tosh; I know because I was there and the girls in my hotel told me so, from the hookers’ mouths, so to say. Congrats Vlad.

  108. 108
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Vain Hain lies again.

  109. 109
    A nice pair of blick wellies says:

    …whilst watching the rain go down the drain in the lane in Spain?

  110. 110
    Lord Justice Turkeyforahat says:

    Well past Time the old bank robber scam artist was up before the beak!

  111. 111
    Time To Go Back says:

    It is very curious how he never went back, apparently it is quite a safe country now and he could be much more useful there rather than over here.

  112. 112
    Smoke N Mirrors by P O Hain says:

    Blimey Will, you must have read the book and swallowed the pill. I though the only bomb involved was the one he dabbled with, it went off killing a few innocent people and his best mate got hung by the neck for it?

  113. 113
    Peter Grimes says:

    Lots and lots of grease!

  114. 114
    CCTV says:

    …and been spotted running from the crime scene.

  115. 115
    Tony Bliar that straight kinda guy says:

    Anything in his book about his getaway driving days, and how many bank robberies he was involved in….Thought not…

  116. 116
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Fond memories :)

  117. 117
    Pissed off with the lot of em says:

    Pondlife are very pleasant creatures compared to this slimeball,who should be doing a long time as a criminal in one of her majaesty’s prisons

  118. 118
    Vladimir Putin says:

    Thanks Handy. Have we provided you with enough girls?

  119. 119
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Get from HAIN to HOON in two moves.

  120. 120
    Chuckus Yamoney says:

    Peter Hain is a one the headline Labour Leadership alleged sociopaths which is a prime reason why the grass roots need to get rid of the stains of the previous government.

    Sociopaths are described as having no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. They can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. (see

    It is likely that Hain completely believes the lies he tells himself and probably no longer knows what the truth actually was.

  121. 121
    just saying says:

    But not as funny as his back-stabbing brothers new nose.

  122. 122
    emale says:

    I look forward to buying my copy next week from the local 99p Discount Book Store; you know the one, it’s between the charity shop and the Gentlemen’s lavatory.

  123. 123
    Orange Blagger says:

    I know nothin’ about any Putney job Mr. Regan, and that’s the truth.

  124. 124
    Baron Hogwash says:

    He doesn’t lie well – when I see him on tv (which is usually as long as it takes me to switch to another channel), its like some windup political clock, round and round and totally cuckoo

  125. 125
    A Putney Bank Robber says:

    Are you freaking mental?

    Post apartheid South Africa’s far too dangerous for us orange folk.

  126. 126
    dai says:

    I have met Hain and the first thing you notice that he is really odd looking, its like the wrong head has been put on a body really strange couldn’t help staring at him also dirty shoes,

  127. 127
    Georgia Gould says:

    Haven’t we all overlooked £100 000 some time or other? And besides he is a man and therefore cannot expect to multi-task like Harriet Harman can. Can you think of anyone else who can? Maria Eagles per exemple?

  128. 128
    Yet another shit stirring foreigner in power says:

    Shouldn’t he be living in the black majority rule paradises he helped create?

    I’m sure the locals would be as appreciative as Libyans for his help.

  129. 129
    Archie says:

    So why doesn’t he live there?

  130. 130
    Will says:

    He was about 13 at the time of that bombing.

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