March 2nd, 2012

Top Tory Totty Jumps Into Bed With Farage
Swann Migrates

Guido’s favourite Young Conservative has defected to UKIP. Top Tory totty Alexandra Swann was the Deputy Chairman of Conservative Future and a Tory researcher, but will be taking to the stage tomorrow at their spring conference in the charming seaside resort of Skegness. This is the latest humiliation for the Heath-ite chairman of the Tory’s youth movement, Ben Howlett, who recently infuriated the party by siding with the Germans over Commonwealth countries at an international right wing conference.

That safe seat he boasts about in bars late at night is looking highly dubious…


  1. 1
    Oh says:

    And UKIP will rule the world ………….. never.


    • 39
      Sophie says:

      Another hand wringing Heathite clone.

      If the mass depression amongst Conservative grass roots is an indicator of the demise of the Conservative Party, it is also a measure of the growing success of UKIP.

      We are the Conservative Party in exile – & we look forward to denying Cameron a majority in 2015 – if he lasts that long.


      • 49
        Joss Sayin says:



      • 68
        Not convinced says:

        Laughable that people think UKIP are the answer.

        ALL olitical parties are the same – same dogs, different collars.


        • 79
          Sophie says:

          Laughable that people think that the status quo is the answer.

          All political parties are the same – same dogs, different collars.

          The UKIP collar is Britain out of the EU. We need nothing more as a people than that.


          • Not convinced says:

            Nothing more than that?!

            The EU is a product of so-called ‘representative’ democracy.


          • sockpuppet #4 says:

            I’ll have to admit that I prefer the cure to the status quo.


          • SO… assuming that, theoretically we could unpick the stitching (up?) on our membership, and lets ignore the huge f*cking backlash from our disgruntled ex-partners on our balance of payments (note to self…ask Huhne about THIS can of worms) – you will have achieved your one and only aim. So will UKIP disband and f*ck off then, leaving us all in peace?


        • 100
          Anonymous says:

          Laughable that 30% of the moronic population think Miliband is the answer.


      • 127
        Gileyboy says:

        Cupid stunt! UKIP are the reason Balls kept his seat. UKIP are a complete waste of time – hot air. Are UKIP ever going to achieve something? A majority? Even one seat in Westminster? No. A complete waste of time by small minded petty little Englanders.


        • 128
          Not Ruled By Berlin (yet) says:

          balls – all the opposition needed to do was to say they had had enough of the common market, and then UKIP would have left them be.

          remember it is UKIP that have brought us to a coalition government. if cameron had said he would espose many of UKIP’s ideas, instead of wanting to lick merchels backside, he would probably have another 20 or more seats.


        • 139
          Rottweiler Ron says:

          A week in politics is a long time – Harold Wilson.


      • 132
        Archie says:

        Down with the Shameronians! Long live UKIP!


    • 51
      Lol says:


    • 138
      Rottweiler Ron says:

      NEVER? Surely that can’t be right. Not soon, perhaps, but never?

      UKIP must be better than the 3 failed old parties with their dead-head leaders.


  2. 2
    1ain Dale's Dildo says:

    I’d honk her. Miaow!


  3. 3
    maggie the dog says:

    Get down boy


  4. 4
    Paul says:

    “That safe seat he boasts about in bars late at night is looking highly dubious…”

    Hardly, this isn’t news and certainly can’t be linked to any asperations he may or may not have to be a PPC/MP


  5. 5
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Heath-ite politically, personally or both?


  6. 6
    Marmite says:

    Dopey Sophie will be pleased!


    • 41
      Sophie says:

      Indeed I am & we in UKIP are.

      Delighted that such a prestigious young talent has joined our swelling ranks.

      Charmless Heathite Howlett will get his safe seat – but his road to it will be littered with more defections from around his Conservative Party to UKIP.



      • 48
        AC1 says:

        Hopefully won’t be THAT safe that UKIP can’t help evict the heathites.


      • 57
        Anonymous says:

        Can I join your swelling rank, slurp, slurp?


      • 59
        NeverRed says:

        A lot of swelling in the ranks now.


      • 64
        Anonymous says:

        I wouldn’t cheers quite yet. She’s another useless PPE flunkey (albeit Exeter)with an MA in Human Rights Law from Birkbeck College. She sounds a typical Nu Labour progressive. Expect her to try and dilute the best parts of UKIP in line with an entryist agenda.


  7. 7
    PM de France says:

    What happens at the Elysee stays at the Elysee


  8. 8
    Ah! Monika says:

    Is that a bollard?


  9. 10
    Jimmy says:



  10. 11
    Another Engineer says:

    In other news, after signing the budget enforcing fiscal discipline, Spain announces it is going to miss the target it has just signed up to.

    You couldn’t make it up.


    • 13
      Another Engineer says:

      That should have said treaty, but anyway…


      • 17
        A bodger says:

        Oh happy day! – and grease is going to pay up on time and in good heart too! – you can bet your life on it!


        • 110
          Cynical-old-bag says:

          If you only knew what the Gr**ks have had to do to get this money together. Many people are literally starving on the streets of Ath*ns. 20% of young people are unemplo*ed and the number is rising daily.

          Just how much more austerity (and humiliation) can this country take?


          • Expat Geordie says:

            I believe that Oxfam, or as it was originally called The Oxford Foundation for Famine Relief, was set up in 1942 or 1944 to help feed starving Greeks. However Churchill stopped them from doing so on the rather sensible grounds that as Greece was under German occupation there was no way on earth that we were going to support our enemies whilst there was a war on.

            Perhaps now that the war is over Oxfam should do what it was originally set up to do and feed some starving Greeks. Won’t happen though as they are more concerned with talking crap about “climate change” and trying to cosy up with our enemies.


          • Marion the cat says:

            An awful lot if the Germans have anything to do with it, after all it preserves the skewed Euro exchange rate that helps them sell Mercedes, BMWs, Audis abroad ……..


  11. 12
    Raving Loon says:

    UKIP are the UK’s real conservative party, the Tories are all tree hugging liberals now (with the possible exception of Hannan).


    • 25
      Ol' Blue Eyes says:


      How anyone can call themselves a Tory and support Dave’s shower I have no. Perhaps if you’re some sort of pathetic John Prescott-type “keep the other side out no matter how low your own side sinks” tribalist.


    • 90
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      At least Nigel Farage has the balls to tell the other EU representatives what a lot of us are already thinking.

      There might be some mileage in this yet.


  12. 14
    Jonny says:

    Who gives a shit about the Tory youth wing?


  13. 16
    Oh says:

    Want to know why media having a wank over horsegate?

    Read that link.


    • 37
      Elliot Ness says:

      Ian Blair , Tony Blar , Peter Clarke Ken Clarke — is this a “Family” thing ?? —

      if so this would explain the Omerta ‘..


  14. 21
    The Tosser pretending to be PM says:

    Oh I think that’s really unkind!

    I’m sure many people have good reason to doubt my position.


  15. 22
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    And best of all, she’s always been a she.


  16. 23
    Marine Le Pen says:

    Another scoop for my political soul mate Nigel ( Beats nearly killing yourself by having your buddy pilot crash his own plane with you on it)


    • 31
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      Mrs. LePen wants to print loads of francs, and do her best to discourage international trade. And hand out money to mothers to make them stay at home. Absolute oposite of nigel in economic terms.

      Amusingly she wants the school leaving age reduced to 14.
      Perhaps she likes to think about real men working hard.


    • 32
      Ol' Blue Eyes says:

      Better Marine than Herman.


  17. 24
    Steve Miliband says:

    Yes, but can she ride a fucking horse?


  18. 26
    The Boys from County Hell says:

    Dis this little filly ever commune with Shergar ??

    No wonder they never even found his remains . She probably blew him ……. out in bubbles.


  19. 27
    Ol' Blue Eyes says:

    At least they can look at themselves in the mirror.


  20. 30
    Jenny Tonge has left the Illiberal Undemocratics. Read all about it in this week's Watered Down Opinion says:

    The more Ukippers the better. Is it ok to say that? I will go now.


  21. 33
    • 34
      Ah! Monika says:

      Probably will get conjugal rights while serving 18 months


    • 38
      ...and the politically correct police show how it's done says:


      • 88
        Cynical-old-bag says:

        Tough! If they don’t like our Union Jack, they are perfectly able to get up and leave!


        • 119
          now you know... says:

          Drumcree with Muslims….


        • 120
          Expat Geordie says:

          If I buy a teddy bear for £10, call it Mohammed and sell it for £20, have I made a Prophet?


          • historian says:

            A teacher in one of the Muzzielands a year or two ago did just that – bought a bear and named it Mohd. The local populace got the teensiest bit upset and after a bit of a hoohaa she was deported. Luckily she was not stoned.


  22. 35
    johnc says:

    and local trade union leader karl stone has also defected in Wakefield. Go UKIP


  23. 40
    Robert Catesby says:

    I would actually damage her.


  24. 42
    for the birds says:

    Hot chick Swann ducks responsibilities. Time to grouse.


  25. 46
    a non says:

    Another cock and pull story.
    Quick wiki search reveals this young lady [or someone of a similar name] seems to enjoy hopping from one situation to another.
    Pretty girl. Can understand why Guido is smitten.


  26. 52
    Lord Mandelson says:

    I see Ben Howlett’s namesake is a hunky Aussie Rules player….. off to get some tissues….


  27. 53
    Pedalpoweredwheelchair says:

    Trust me, the only thing “going down” in relation to Farrage is the light aircraft he occasionally clambers into.

    The truth is that aside from crashing planes, Farrage’s lot just aren’t resppnsible enough a party to be taken seriously by the electorate outside the EU elections we put on as a sideshow; their people are constantly making dicks of themselves in public and they behave like amateurs in debates. These people literally make Boris look sensible. Don’t get me wrong, I like old BoJo, but he’ll never be PM for precisely the same reason that UKIP will never go anywhere serious: Brits will elect a Mr Blobby character for a while but they won’t elect him forever.

    If UKIP got their act together they’d look like a serious party, but as they stand…well, frankly knob heads like Ben Howlett would be better representatives for them than the current bunch of Chiltern Hundreds no-hopers UKIP have lined up for the next general election.


    • 58
      Sophie says:

      Keep voting for the same Con / Lab / Lib disease then.

      A growing number of us will vote for the cure – UKIP.

      You may go.


      • 92
        Pedalpoweredwheelchair says:

        I’m going nowhere. This is a fantastic country and it’s a pity you can’t enjoy a thriving political landscape without telling people to leave.


    • 61
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      I wouldn’t write them off just yet.


      • 74
        sandy says:

        Yes its true. UKIP need more people representing them like Cameron, Osborne, Ed Ballsup, Ed Minibandwagon, Lansley, Boris, Cleggy, Huhne and Prescott. Where did they go wrong?


      • 91
        Fish says:

        Write them off? Oh, I would. The UKIP’ers round here are all at least 70 and are all miserable sods. I could swear that some have already had their post-mortems by the look of it.

        If Swannee wants some UKIP action she’d better carry some little blue pills round in her handbag, either that or some lollypop stick she can use as splints.


    • 67
      jgm2 says:

      Farrage’s lot just aren’t resppnsible enough a party to be taken seriously by the electorate

      That’s what they used to say about the S&P.

      Sooner or later either the T*ries will adopt UKIP policies or UKIP will do to the T*ries what the S&P did to Labour.


      • 73
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        Its a real issue for them. They need better people who aren’t inexperienced, eccentric, wierd, or all three.

        And nigel and his “wet dishcloth” stuff isn’t particularly helpful to raise the level of political debate.


        • 82
          Sophie says:

          So, the most dynamic speaker in English politics right now, apart from Dan Han, is undeniably Farage.

          And you refer to him as a dish cloth?

          Desperate stuff Socky. No, I will call it as it is – you are an utter wanker.


        • 83
          Cynical-old-bag says:

          I saw him give a speech on U*Tube about the Gre*k Cris*s to representatives from other EU states. He didn’t resemble a “wet dishcloth at all.” I thought he was very good actually.


          • Pedalpoweredwheelchair says:

            UKIP are still way out on the further edges of British right-wing politics. While that’s fine for EU speeches that cost us £120k per annum, it achieves virtually nothing given the size of the socialist-left in the EU.

            It’s a total and utter waste of money for UKIP to be in Europe. If they had a bone of decency among them they’d hand their pay packs back to the treasury in defiance of the EU.

            It was great to see Farrage lay into EU bureaucrats but not for that kind of money.

            It’s all balls.


          • sockpuppet #4 says:

            Dear me Mrs. Bag, you don’t know what I’m on about, do you?
            The speech where he said Belgium wasn’t a real country.

            Silly debSoc games, that detract from any real messages he might try to make.


          • Cynical-old-bag says:

            But don’t you think that the UK needs an EU representative who can be as outspoken and objective as he is?

            If we only have “Yes” men in Europe, nothing will ever change.


        • 85
          Pedalpoweredwheelchair says:

          Precisely my point, Mr Sock.

          Aside from all the kids on here throwing puerile rants at each other, adults in this game recognise that “We hate Europe” isn’t enough to get a parliamentary seat in a nation with as solid a two party system as the UK has.

          This notion that Brits will suddenly abandon generations of political clannishness to abide by a party of oddballs who boast about large Brussels lunches is foolishness and they know it. The best these guys can achieve is handing constituencies over to Labour by pissing about with a Tory split vote.

          And what a fine contribution to the Right that would be…again.


          • jgm2 says:

            adults in this game recognise that “We hate Europe”

            ‘We hate England’ has been enough for the S&P to throw Labour out in Fucking Scotland. Maybe Nigel Farage should get Mel Gibson to make some film about the French and Germans and what awful behaviour they got up to several hundred years ago.

            It will be instructive to see if the T*ries try the same tactics with UKIP as Labour did with the B&P when the B&P were taking all their votes. Tie up Farage with some ‘hate speech’ accusation or other closer to the election.


        • 101
          Cynical-old-bag says:

          Dear Mr Sockpuppet,

          Having been a Conservative voter all my life, I am becoming increasingly disillusioned with the vast difference between the Conservative Manifesto’s, and what they actually have done since getting to No.10 (with the exception of Mrs T).

          They could have done so much more, but instead, chose the softly softly approach to just about everything. One of the primary reasons Mr Bag and I left the UK, was that we were fed up to the back teeth with putting our hands in our pockets to pay for all and sundry.

          The country needs someone to stand up for it’s people, and the Con/Lib shower we have at the moment have proved that they cannot/will not do that.

          I think Nigel Farage may have what it takes to be the next PM. I will wait and see.


          • Serious Advise says:

            FFS JGM2 lighten up. Nobody is interested in your warped, biased views of God’s Country. Try taking an extra dose of your pills and seek more professional help.


          • jgm2 says:

            Time for your daily Mel Gibson video Little Scotlander.

            ‘God’s Country’? Your God must really hate you.


        • 115
          Anonymous says:

          Inexperienced? Tee hee. You mean like those experienced Tories – :

          The PM – PR no mark for a failed TV company (another PPE wanker off the Oxford production line who dropped the economics part after first year)
          The Chancellor – towel folder in a high street shop (History grad)
          THe DPM – Some nomark job in the EU raping the British taxpayer (Archaeology and Anthropology, Cambridge)

          Unfortunately it doesn’t end there, but I think you get the picture. We are ruled by a cabal of tossers who have never run anything outside a think tank or a political party or the public sector intheir lives. Never had to meet a payroll, make a sale, raise funds, manage staff etc etc.

          If your best criticism of UKIP is they lack experience then you need to go back to CCHQ and get a new set of marching orders.


        • 137
          Backstabber says:

          “They need better people who aren’t inexperienced, eccentric, wierd, or all three.”

          People like that don’t join a Political Party.

          ANY Political Party.


      • 76
        sandy says:

        And the SNP.


    • 131
      Marion the cat says:

      Britain (or even England) desperately nrrds a UKIP party but unfortunately it isn’t Dave’s lot or indeed the one trick pony UKIP.
      Still Looking !


  28. 66
    Al Jolson says:


  29. 70
    Shergar says:

    l’d gallop in off the long run and stuff my hard going right through that. Woof!


  30. 80

    This young is terribly upset by Guido’s post.

    Her swift reaction is surely welcomed by all in the political world.

    No patronising bullshit, straight from the shoulder.

    Up north it is grim as Glasgow City Council War hots up.

    America is supplying arms to all sides, big missile takes out Govan Police Station after some halfwit points it in wrong direction and pushes button


  31. 86
    Breaking news says:

    Hilton to leave downing street.


  32. 94
    Son of Glyndŵr says:

    Rambling incoherent nonsense. George I really did expect so much better from you.


  33. 107

    You can have my vote , If UKIP with me ! LoL


  34. 116
    Mandelson, Brown and Bryant says:

    Yuk girls give us a nice smelly man bum.


  35. 117
  36. 121
    Anonymous says:

    UKIP need to capture Sun Readers how about a bevvy of beauteous UKIP supporters as a UKIP Calender.


  37. 122
    Hugh Mann says:

    UKIP will be up the Swanee in no time


  38. 123
    Georgia Gould says:

    If she were an ugly munter she could be in Labour!


  39. 126
    sandy says:

    Another UKIP convert. This time a Tory MEP.


  40. 140
    nick says:

    UkIP tell it like it is. Farage is very good and sticks to what he says.TRhe coalition has proved one thing though- Lib dems should never be allowed nesr government-they really are a waste of space.Roll on Dan Hannan


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