March 1st, 2012

Eric Joyce’s Secret Schoolgirl Lover

The Daily Record has an excellent scoop this morning alleging that the disgraced Labour MP Eric Joyce has been having an affair with a campaign staffer thirty-two years his junior. He met Meg Lauder when she was 17 and still at school, when she worked part time for him during the 2010 election. She’s said to be very smitten…

Scottish Labour leader Johann Lamont has signed Joyce’s political death warrant:

“This is a man who has abused his position of power and authority. I’m disgusted, regardless of any other issues. I think this makes Eric Joyce unfit to stand for the Labour Party.”

Both Labour and the SNP could do without a tight by-election right now, but it’s looking increasingly likely…


  1. 1
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Which is which in the pic? They get less fussy as they get older.

  2. 2
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Nice choice Joyce

  3. 3
    Chuckus Yamoney says:

    What is happening to the Labour Party

    We need serious opposition to the coalition

    Man Up Labour for Our sake and start serving the people you are elected to protect instead of yourselves.

  4. 4
    Terrible But True says:

    Hey, seems he’s only doing a Bill Clinton, who was only emulating JFK, so the BBC will be cool.

    And in the £4Bpa political PR scheme of things, that buys a lot of editorial by omission.

    So he, and Labour, should be juuuuust fine.

    Quick, wheel out Mehdi Hassan again on the Murdochs!!!

  5. 5
    Fay Mouse-Grouse says:

    But he said he loved me!

  6. 6
    Grammar School (Old) Boy says:

    Oh dear, oh deary me…

  7. 7
    Racked off says:

    bye bye. He’s toast and the girlie will drop him like a sack when he no longer has his status.

  8. 8
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Send me Meg’s phone number Eric if you get sent down. If not does she have any younger sisters?

  9. 9
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    In tabloid stories I always like to read through, to find out how much bollocks it all is, and what the sting of truth in the tail is. I can’t see one.

    However, it seems they’ve been tweeting at each other a lot. the dirty bastards.

    “Meg was also involved in a four-way chat on Twitter with Joyce and three other young women – about how good chips and salad cream tastes.”

    Makes you want to puke dunnit?

  10. 10

    Oh come on at least he’s one of the few that like women !
    and she just likes “Jock Cock”

  11. 11
    Steve Miliband says:

    Yeah. Disgusting. Vile.

    Mayo much better.

  12. 12
    House of Commons' Pub Landlord says:

    Hasn’t he banged enough people lateley?

  13. 13
    Andrew Efiong says:

    How humiliating!

  14. 14
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    And he asked her about her A-levels. OO-err. oh no. its highers probably.

    chips and salad cream makes it sound like he’s been spending far too long in islington and not enough time in Falkirk.

    Had he been eating chips with mayo that would suggest he’s been to Belgium and as such is a terrible europhillic drone.

    No. pure bollocks. twitter nonesense.

  15. 15
    Sick of the greed and lies(still) says:

    I don’t think you are allowed to say that now. Very un-PC, don’t you know?

  16. 16
    Bystander #4 says:

    How would she know????

  17. 17
    Ichabod says:

    He’s certainly besotted enough to start dying his hair . Midlife crisis ! Midlife crisis !

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:


    Ruining a fucking teenage kids life for a “scoop”

  19. 19
    Grommit says:

    I hope they’ve got more than is in the article. It doesn’t look like much to me.

  20. 20
    Princess Po-face Polytwaddle emoting down at people from her Ivory Tower, tear drops in her eyes says:

    I am always right!

    I am never wrong!

    This is SO romantic! ……… I’m a womin, – and I have a womin’s heart, …… a womin’s feelings . . . . a womin’s body that responds to strong masculine presence …… and I have a womin’s weakness . . .. and a womin’s softness . . . we Wimmin need the power and brawny arms of a REAL MAN to lift us off our dainty little feet and ………… transport us …… to realms that …… oh I can’t go on …… the cramps are starting ……. oh …….. OH! …… argh!! …

  21. 21
    maggie the dog says:

    I think its time to rebuild hadrian’s wall

  22. 22
    Simon says:

    Hi Guido

    It would be great if you were to cover the terrible abuse of Hollie Greig by the Scottish Establishment. This is one story just begging for someone like you to cover. Hollie Greig, a Down’s Syndrome sufferer was sexually abused by various people she was able to name, but those whose job it is to protect people like her are doing the exact opposite – hounding her and her mother. If you look at Hollie’s case you will see a pattern emerging, of which the case of Joyce will make more sense. Thanks

  23. 23
    maggie the dog says:

    Anonymous go play with some dolls

  24. 24
    Eric Joist says:

    She must have spiked my drink, the little hussy.

  25. 25
    Well it's a thought says:

    I look at it this way at least it appears we have still have a few heterosexuals left in parliament at the moment, I wonder if that’s why he kicked off the other day, someone wound him up about his alleged “friendship”

  26. 26
    Anonymous says:

    Yeah have to agree to a certain extent – and proves Joyce is hetero – yawn.

  27. 27
    Dai says:

    Isn’t she a bit old for a labour politician

  28. 28
    Wallace says:

    Have some cheese and look again

  29. 29
    tobtaf says:

    Oh I agree, – and I’m SO sleepy – again – zzzzzzzzzzz – wake me when it’s over, – or the coffee arrives

  30. 30
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Perhaps Lamont should start digging a bit deeper.

    Eric Joyce might just be the tip of the iceberg.

  31. 31
    Rage Against the Political Elite. says:

    Why is it that Women Cant be trusted with their own emotions??
    Just a thought about the STATE having them in a category of Vunerable. Why did they ever get the VOTE?? If they dont know their own mind, or is that Why they got the VOTE because they dont? Just wonder there is something very smelly going on with Feminism, Racism, etc etc. Its on the Front page of the State Mag the SUN.

  32. 32
    Should have gone to spec savers says:

    She looks underage and she obviously blind. What a silly cow but no doubt she will lap up the attention. Joyce should be shot! She looks about twelve! Seriously!

  33. 33
    Gordon Brown says:

    If you’re one of us in NooLieBore, then of course it’s not your fault.

  34. 34
    Rage Against the Political Elite. says:

    Or is it the STATE organising itself to Police relationships and Protect the Vunerable Female who they have promoted to be a self reliant individual. Strange state of affairs, Oh and where bankrupt.

  35. 35
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I’m sure it isnt ruined.

    I tell you what – they’ve got no evidence at all. She should get a bloody good lawyer. in the current feeding frenzy she’d have them. Even if she has actually snogged him I’m sure she could do with a bit of Aitken’s sword. I didn’t mean that to sound a little “carry on” but what the hell eh.

  36. 36
    Where is my barbie doll? says:

    David Miliblind *swoon*. Is the tag -Looney Left.
    I think she could be the next Jimmy Crankie!
    Attention seeking little girl looking for a sugar daddy. Perhaps Handicapcock might be interested. ROFL!
    Joyce is finished.

  37. 37
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    She looks young and naive. Joyce should know better!

  38. 38
    Sir William Waad says:

    Don’t forget that her alternative to Eric Joyce was the young men of Falkirk.

  39. 39
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Time for a fact finding mission to Falkirk Mike. It just as corrupt as Russia, nearly as cold and the locals live on the same diet of turnips and strong liquor.

    Who knows – the local girls may even fancy dirty old men who look as if they have been sleeping rough for a month and subsiding on Special Brew.

  40. 40
    Mike Handicapcock says:

    Please Princess. Give me a chance. We can play on the swings together. I love u pwincess x

  41. 41
    misterned says:

    “Man Up Labour for Our sake and start serving the people you are elected to protect instead of yourselves.”

    They never did that during their 13 years of dreadful misrule, so why the hell would they start doing it now?

  42. 42
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I sometimes feel like an unloved 30’s semi in a mining area too after too much special brew.

  43. 43
    Mike Handicapcock says:

    @Simon. If true that is appalling!

  44. 44
    The airbrush of History says:

    “Just as corrupt as Russia, nearly as Cold”

    Judging by Joyces travelling expenses it would appear Falkirk is in Siberia.

  45. 45
    M says:

    Labours new work “experience” program

  46. 46

    Has she been “entered” in the book of “members” Interests ?

  47. 47
    Lord Brayhorn says:

    Mr Joyce. Invoking the traditional right of English lords to hunt Scottish wildlife without let or hindrance, I demand you hand this smoking young fillie over to my custody forthwith. I shall flush her out of the heather and finish her off with some new potatoes and a cheeky chateauneuf.

  48. 48
    Another geographical illiterate watch says:

    And hand most of Northumbria over to Scotland ?

  49. 49
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    I hope the press find that pregnant teacher that Joyce allegedly assaulted when he was 15. Get digging to see if it’s true and get an interview with her for the Sun on Sunday :-)

  50. 50
    Tory Dan says:

    Another proven case of leftie women either looking like dykes or utter mingers, another few years in the Scottish Labour Party and this young lady will be massive union battleaxe fighting for the benefits class rights of Special Brew.

  51. 51
    Wilky says:

    Are you branching out from the Russians then…?

  52. 52
    UK's cabal of blackmailed fudgepackers says:

    Disgusting pervert! Whatever’s wrong with the firm buttocks of a nice young chap pressed around one’s cock? Country’s gone to hell since they let pussy-fuckers into parliament!

  53. 53
    tube_thumper says:

    where is there a girl in that picture?

  54. 54
    Billy Hague War Criminal says:

    got a number?

  55. 55
    No Joke says:

    But seriously -jokes aside. She is a silly little girl. Joyce will get his balls cut off. Wonder how Red ‘Ed will spin this?

  56. 56
    Appalled Constituent says:

    Handy – we all thought your youngest ‘assistant’ was just 14 at the time. Even the adventures with ‘Princess’ and with Katya are sufficient ‘abuse of power and authority’ to render you unfit for public office. Your turn to go next.

  57. 57
    tube_thumper says:

    haha yes dear lick up that salad cream that seems to have spilt itself on my tummy

  58. 58
    Alco pops says:

    Saw him in his speedos *swoon*

  59. 59
    sandy says:

    And I thought when he said he liked Top Totty he meant the beer.

  60. 60
    Milky Bar Kid says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha! Joyce will never be the come back kid.

  61. 61
    sandy says:

    Look caerphilly.

  62. 62
    maggie the dog says:

    He was just getting to know his constituant better

  63. 63
    jgm2 says:

    If she’s going to a private school in Fucking Scotland she might be doing ‘A’ levels. I think Kilgraston used to do ‘A’ levels and Dollar definitely did Physics ‘A’ level. I believe the good Edinburgh private schools all do ‘A’ Levels too.

    He might be doubly abusing his position. Shagging the barely legal and posh private school totty too.

  64. 64
    Bob Crow is a big fat baby says:

    i won’t dwive the twain unless you give me more pennies

  65. 65
    sandy says:

    On the pamphlet, she says: “I have a passion for learning for the sake of it and for my own future. I feel very strongly about the environment and the information society.

    “I’m pleased Eric takes the environment seriously and is deeply committed to making the UK a leading digital economy. He already has a strong record on these issues in Parliament and I’ll be pressing him to continue.”

    She adds: “The future’s green, information-rich, exciting and belongs to young people. I trust Eric and Labour to help us along the way.”

    Do you think someone was putting words in her mouth? Would there have been enough room?

  66. 66
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    I hope he disappears into the mire he created.

  67. 67
  68. 68
    jgm2 says:

    Perhaps he needed to know how the abolition of EMA was affecting his constituents. Did they ever get around to bribing kids to go to school in Fucking Scotland or is that a devolved issue?

  69. 69
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Its a fairly standard scottish comprensive isn’t it?

  70. 70
    Another victory for mob rule says:

    So now we are passing judgement on what two consenting people do? Both above the age on consent.

    > Head > desk

    Ps i find it unpleasent

  71. 71
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    Taxi for a Mr Joyce?

  72. 72
    jgm2 says:

    the future’s ….. exciting and belongs to young people.

    Typical socialists….

  73. 73
  74. 74
    Milky Bar Kid says:

    So do you think Joyce will resign or hang in there? :)

  75. 75
    m'Lord MandleScum of Affrontery and Boyz says:

    I always cmu from behind, – so I see no reason why he could not cmu back.

    I cmu back 3 times!

  76. 76
    Cradle Snatcher says:

    I reckon Joyce has been on radar for a while.

  77. 77
    jgm2 says:

    Didn’t read the article – just saying – ‘A’ Levels are offered in the private schools of Fucking Scotland.

  78. 78
    Another victory for mob rule says:

    so whats the difference between Joyce affair and former Italian pm Silvio?

  79. 79
    Simon says:

    Hi Mike

    I have written 3 blogs about this. This article has the links to the official campaigners

  80. 80
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    £200,000 a year expenses. What do you reckon?

  81. 81
    Bystander #4 says:

    “entered” – ????

  82. 82
    Simon says:

    I am really hoping someone like Guide will give this case more publicity.

  83. 83
    jgm2 says:

    I doubt it. He’s not committed any crime (apart from assaulting a few T*ry MPs). My understanding is that as long as he’s not jailed for more than a year then he can sit things out until 2015. I fully expect him to do just that and then take whatever ‘transitional payout’ he gets for being dumped by his constituency party and losing his seat in 2015.

    And I fully expect the voters of Falkirk to elect another Labour MP in 2015. Stepford constituents.

  84. 84
    Bystander #4 says:

    Silvy is Iti

  85. 85
    Will anyone give me a job says:

    Steve Hilton give me a job please.

  86. 86
    Simon says:

    Hi No Joke,

    Given the terrible abuse suffered by Down’s Syndrome sufferer Hollie Grieg in Aberdeen, there is every suggestion that Joyce will get away with this.

    Have a look at this article

    What if your Down’s Syndrome daughter revealed that she had been sexually abused?

  87. 87
    Eric Joyce says:

    See you, Handicock, ah’m gonnae gie ye a doing fur looking at ma burd.

  88. 88
    Will anyone give me a job says:

    Billy B o w d e n give me a job please pal.

  89. 89
    Bystander #4 says:

    I suggest you go to ‘College’ or ‘Uni’ ‘n study GCSE ‘Social Studies’ or whatever crap it’s called.

    Your (necessarily obfuscated) answer may lie (?lay) there.

  90. 90
    Laugh? I nearly shat myself! says:

    I bet he stuck it up her shitter a few times.

  91. 91
    Cradle Snatcher says:

    Are you sure that’s not Joyce’s teenage son? B)

  92. 92
    Chuckus Yamoney says:

    Now would be a good time to start then

    Ramsay MacDonald would be appalled at what his party has become

    Campbell, Blair, Brown and Mandelson are effectively gone. The grass roots need to get rid of the disgraced self serving leeches from the last government like Miliband², CooperBalls, Hain, Harman, Flint, Jowell, Burnham, Byrne, Alexander and Khan before the party will be electable again.

    Labour needs to return to its roots with a primary task to define compassionate capitalism (without going all control freak, big government on us) as opposed to the avaricious corporate kleptocracy we have at present.

    As I said – Man Up Labour – and that means the part faithful

  93. 93
    jgm2 says:

    I reckon we’ll see 200,000 a year turn into 2,000,000 as he takes ‘revenge’ on the lot of us and ramps up his expenses. He’ll be flying Business class to Fucking Scotland via Acapulco every weekend ‘because the bigger seats allow him to do more work’. Or chartering a Lear jet. Because it’s more flexible and the queues are shorter and that’s important for a busy man such as himself.

    Just you watch.

  94. 94
    Baron Hogwash says:

    You could say he liked taking his intern…

  95. 95
    Boris says:

    That’s OK – we’re working on trains sans Drivers. Go figure.

  96. 96
    Bob Crow is a big fat baby says:

    there is no ned to poke fun at Ed Milliband as he is a traveling comedy circuit in his own right

  97. 97
    jgm2 says:


  98. 98
    Baron Hogwash says:

    I hope Ned will be calling for an end to the slave intern trade.

  99. 99
    Wink Wink Secret Handshake Grandmaster says:

    Not on my watch b.o.a.z.

  100. 100
    The newly tidied up Blog says:

    Just ‘Scotland’ if you please!

  101. 101
    A woman says:

    I find Joyce’s behaviour unpleasant and very creepy.
    He’s about 30 years older than her and supposedly in a position of trust.

  102. 102
    Gore Master says:

    JFK had the decency to get his skull blow in two in public for all our amusement though.

  103. 103
    Well it's a thought says:

    I loook at this way, don’t tell people to live one way while you live the best way, someone will always check.

  104. 104
    Give us a shag says:

    If it was Boris Johnson would you be saying the same thing?

    Thought not.

  105. 105
    A woman says:

    Berlusconi’s behaviour is also unpleasant and creepy.
    As is Handycock.

  106. 106
    jgm2 says:

    I lived there for six years. Fucking Scotland it is.

  107. 107
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    “Just Scotland” then. As opposed to scotland+any-parts-of-northumbria-they-fancy-while-they’re-at-it.

  108. 108
    jgm2 says:

    ‘Fucking Scotland’ if you please.

  109. 109
    Mad World says:

    @Simon. That is really sad.

  110. 110
    A woman says:

    I would-so there.

  111. 111
    jgm2 says:

    I thought Cromwell finally disabused the Scots of their traditional urge to invade England.

    They were never quite so cocky after Cromwell paid them a visit with extreme prejudice.

  112. 112
    only asking says:

    Was she paid?

  113. 113
    David Rathband RIP says:

  114. 114
    Well it's a thought says:


  115. 115
    jgm2 says:

    Indeedy. Bob Crow and his hostage-takers are going to get such a fucking rude awakening one morning.

    A P45 in the post. Couldn’t happen to a more deserving bunch.

  116. 116

    Ha ha ha ha!

    Schrödinger’s cat is number 11 on Peer Index – beating all three of them.

    Problem is that it is an impostor. :-(

  117. 117
    Mike Hancock says:

    17? Far too old.

  118. 118
    The Fat C*nt Roller says:

    Feck off, Crow.

  119. 119
    jgm2 says:

    I never understand this bizarre notion that police killers are somehow ‘worse’ than killers of postmen or binmen or doctors or nurses or anybody else.

  120. 120
  121. 121
    Eric Joyce says:

    I told her to fuck me or I’d punch her.

  122. 122
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    Depending upon how the law defines a ‘position of trust’, shagging a 17-year old could technically be illegal.

    Just saying.

  123. 123
    Ben says:

    Is that you, Harry?

  124. 124
    Sandy Jamieson says:

    Maggie Lauder (Traditional)

    Wha wadna be in love
    Wi’ bonnie Maggie Lauder?
    A piper met her guan to Fife,
    And pier’d what was’t they ca’d her;
    Right scornfully she answer’d him,
    Began you hall shaker,
    Jog on your gate,
    ye bladderscate,
    My name is Maggie Lauder.

    Maggie, quo he, and by my bags
    I’m fidgin’ fain to see the;
    Sit down by me, my bonnie bird,
    In troth I winna steer thee:
    My name is Rob the Ranter;
    The lasses loup as they were daft,
    When I blaw up my chanter.

    Piper, quo Meg, hae ye your bags,
    Or is your drone in order?
    If ye be Rob, I’ve heard of you,
    Live ye upon the border?
    The lasses a’, baith far and near
    Hae hear o’ Rob the Ranter;
    I’ll shake my foot wi’ right goo-will,
    Fig ye’ll blaw up your chanter.

    Then to his bags he flew wi’ speed,
    About the drone he twisted;
    Meg up and walloped o’er the gree,
    For brawly could she frisk it.
    Weel done, quo’ he: play up, quo’ she:
    Weel bobb’d, quo Rob the Ranter;
    It’s worth my while to play, indeed,
    When I hae sic a dancer.

    Weel hae you play’d your part, quo’ Meg,
    Your cheeks are like the crimson;
    There’s nane in Scotland plays sae weel,
    Sin’ we lost Habby Simson.
    I’ve live’d in Fife, baith maid and wife,
    These ten years and a quarter;
    Gin ye should come to Anster fair,
    Spier ye for Maggie Lauder.

  125. 125
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    I think he will hang on, by the skin of his teeth if he has to, for as long as he can.

    And when he’s not shre*dding, he’ll be working out his expenses.

  126. 126
    Historian says:

    Very interesting

    The real quote is different from the smear used by Guido and Ed Milliband

    Try not to smear with partial quotes Guido

    You are becoming like McBride !

  127. 127
    jgm2 says:

    That explains her face.

  128. 128
    Well it's a thought says:

    We can call him what we want, but he’s still an untouchable unless he goes to clink for a while, but as an untouchable we know he will only get a slapped wrist whatever the big boys and girls say, so apart from commenting to say how awful ,we can do bog all, big shame really just for using his temper tantrums he should be made to sit on the naughty chair.

  129. 129
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:


  130. 130
    Mike Hancock says:

    I would.

  131. 131
    Jack says:

    the Baroness said :

    “Israel is not going to be there forever in its present form”

    That is inded what all the peace engotiations are about…land for peace etc

    So she said what numerous respected Israelis say FFS

    And Guiido smears her with the cheapest misquote, out of context

    And is proud of it…!

  132. 132
    No Joke says:

    @ Simon. Now Guido is working for the Star they might be interested in this story. I really hope Hollie gets Justice. It is quite sickening that this type of appalling behaviour towards the vulnerable goes unchallenged!

  133. 133
    Jack says:

    The lady said

    “Israel is not going to be there forever in its present form”

    What is wrong with that ? Why the hysteria ?

  134. 134
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Er, no. The old division between capital and labour has effectively disappe’ared. That means the Labour Party, and indeed the Conservative Party, are defunct.

    We need two new parties: a statist Left Party and a small-government Right Party. Vote for the former and you get high tax and spend. Vote for the latter and the economy takes off like a fucking rocket.

  135. 135
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    Unless they vote for independence in October 2014 :-)

  136. 136
    Loungelizard says:

    This young gel hasn’t got a twin sister who’s a kick boxer and leads the Conservatives north of the border has she? All look the same to me!

  137. 137
  138. 138
    nellnewman says:

    And there I was thinking he was married. Oh I forgot labour doesn’t believe in marriage.

  139. 139
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    After that much special brew I doubt you could even manage a semi.

  140. 140
    Have you got enough room in your back yard? says:

    Well where are they going to go?

  141. 141
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Happy birthday Justin Bieber.

  142. 142
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Oops, thought I was tweeting.

  143. 143
    jgm2 says:

    We can but hope. I wonder how ex- MP’s pensions would be dealt with. Would Fucking Scotland have to pick up the bill for their ex-MPs? Fucking delicious – the thought of Fucking Scotland having to pay the Maximum Imbecile’s pension. MMmmm.

    Come on Salmond. Almost there.

  144. 144
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    ** Sprays Polly with CO2 from a handy fire extinguisher **

  145. 145
    jgm2 says:

    Not my fucking problem.

  146. 146
    Chuckus Yamoney says:

    The trouble is that the end result from of both parties is the same small band of vested interests getting filthy rich at the expense of the electorate – which is why we need a moderated middle ground of compassionate capitalism – fuck knows how you make it happen though!

  147. 147
    Stander By says:

    Oh? – I thought he just cut their balls off.

  148. 148
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    It doesnt really deserve hysteria.

    However, she nearly got chucked out for other things, including an obsession with Isrealis stealing dead peoples organs.

  149. 149
    Mad Hat says:

    I knew it!

    We’ll have to get them seen to. Call the Vet.

  150. 150
    jgm2 says:

    She should have been chucked out for seeking to make a criminal out of every fucker who wired his own plug.

  151. 151
    Alex Salmonella. says:

    Bring it on – we will sweep Labour away in Falkirk.

  152. 152
    Reuters correspondent says:

    They can go back to the 1967 frontiers as President Omaba has said :

  153. 153
    genghiz the kahn says:

    How many other SLAB MPs are involved with researchers, think tankettes, special advisers on carnal matters? If the lass is over 16, and willing, Joyce hasn’t broken the law, but it might fracture his marriage.

    Is old slab face Lamont looking for an excuse to push the guy out, but would Labour really want a By Election.

  154. 154
    Dai says:

    Fuck off raghead

  155. 155
    Bystander #4 says:

    “Did they ever get around to bribing kids to go to school in Fucking Scotland or is that a devolved issue?”

    The answer will be buried in impenetrable bullshit and PC edubabble, but to save you t & t, Yes, bribery is the standard socialist way to learnin, innit, – as in

    “I’ll gi’ ye £5 tae let ma’ lern ye ter do this Jummy”

  156. 156
    Anonymous says:

    The Joyce of sex.

  157. 157
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Joyce’s marriage is already fractured. I think they have already split.

  158. 158
    Bystander #4 says:

    Position of Trust? – don’t think I know it, – what number is that position in the good booky (wooky)?

  159. 159
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    But of course, its not as if there has been a centuries old tradition of jwish people being accused of incorrect electrical wiring.

  160. 160
    Reuters correspondent says:

    Guido is a false libertarian who is quietly going bonkers

    First misquotiung and smearing Tonge now going hysterical about a perfectly legal arrangement

    The age of consent in the UK is 16

  161. 161
    Kevin T says:

    Wow, a thug, a trougher AND a cradle robbing adulterer. Impressive even by MP standards. If there was honesty in politics he would be a shoo-in for parliamentarian of the year.

  162. 162
    Z fronts says:

    Why did New Labour lower the age for homosexual consent to 16 in 2000 ?

    So that their shirtlifters could get a nice fresh young ones…legally….

  163. 163
    Kevin T says:

    Oh well that’s all right then. I’ll get down my local secondary school and try my luck with the fucking GCSE class.

  164. 164
    Kevin T says:

    Indeed. Teachers have gone inside for it.

  165. 165
    jgm2 says:

    They have been messing with the wiring on the Iranian’s centrifuges though. The cheeky buggers.

  166. 166
    Gordon Brown, MP says:

    M-Mr Speaker, could I assure the House that Mr Joyce has my unwavering support and unconditional backing. I stand behind him.

    Eric Joyce, MP: Now I’m fucked.

  167. 167
    Johann Lamont says:

    A cheese grater to the cΘck n balls. Then add vinegar.

  168. 168
    How to Win says:

    serious opposition? – espouse UKIP

  169. 169
    Nanny Knows Best says:

    agreed – grammar schools have been abolished

  170. 170
    Wendy Deng says:

    I rove my Lupert.

  171. 171
    Some Geezer wot knows there's no accounting for taste says:

    And maybe someday Ms Lauder can be a comedy writer for Ed Miliband, Harriet Harman and Tom Watson a la Ayesha Hazarika (as per her Myspace page, reported in the last paragraph bar one). She’s already been associated with a joke of an MP, it seems.

  172. 172
    The Golem says:

    True, although I doubt the people who removed President Kennedy had any interest in his sexual appetite.

  173. 173
    gildedtumbril says:

    Wow! Another handycock? The Augean Stables of Westminster need complete fumigation. It is the right thing to do, and soon,
    Personally I believe that Pugin’s Palace of perverts, pedophiles, pederasts and other assorted deviants including malfeasance jockeys in abundance needs demolition.

  174. 174
    The Golem says:


  175. 175
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    If you want proper opposition, start voting UKIP!

  176. 176
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    Great minds think alike!

  177. 177

    The Scottish Labour leader is called Jonah Lamont? How confusing.

    I bet he gets confused with two ex-chancellors.

  178. 178
    So . . . says:

    what IS this POSITION of Trust ?- don’t think I know it

  179. 179
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    What is the penalty for disgusting moral behaviour whilst being in public office?

    That poor poor girl needs protection.

    She aint going to get it from Cameroon and the Conservatives.

    And the ugly drunken Hunt has not had the guts to resign.

  180. 180
    Polly's Villa in Tuscany says:

    At least he is banging a female. Quite a rarity in Westminster these days…

  181. 181
    Josiah Bartlett says:

    He’s seperated from his wife. Assuming no laws have been broken, can’t he shag whoever he likes?

  182. 182
    Meat Spin made me dizzy says:

    The big difference is that a TTory MP having sex usually does it alone with a length of electrical flex, a Tesco bag and a satsuma. Oh well I suppose at least they are recycling the bags.

  183. 183
    Meat Spin made me dizzy says:

    Barely legal? That would be legal then?

  184. 184
    pond lifeTaxpayer feeding this mans jet setting lifestyle says:

    This vile man beggars belief. Apparently assaulted 2 teachers when he was at school, one of them was pregnant. He has been forced to resign from 3 jobs that I am aware of. Most costly MP in the country with his two offices and £200K expenses bill. Last year he was prosecuted for drink driving and had the breathtaking arrogance and gall to refuse the brethalyser. Goes Bella berserk in The Strangers bar assaulting all who got in his drunken way. Now it transpires that he was only a few months short of being a Pedophile ??!!
    Law maker indeed !!!!!!!!!
    Now we have “like minded” in the same “boys club” MP`s coming out of the woodwork feeling sorry for him because he has “recently split up from his wife” I think if you actually look at the facts he has been estranged from his wife for a more than 2 years ??!! Hence the reason he sited his estranged wife as the reason for “flipping” his house. This man will brass it out till the end, you mark my words.

  185. 185
    Jailbait Jilly says:

    When you’ve finished with her darling ………

  186. 186
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    J Edgar Hoover was disgusted by Kennedy’s sexual adventures. Then again, he liked to dress as a woman and get fucked by sailors, so his judgment is questionable in this regard.

  187. 187
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    How do you think the Dunblane massacre happened? Scotland is one of the most corrupt countries on the planet. It’s like Sicily, only without the weather.

  188. 188
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    Given that two thirds of Scotland’s GDP comes from British government spending, an “independent” Scotland would last about as long as the Darien expedition.

  189. 189
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Eric, take my advice. Keep stum, go away on holiday for a couple of weeks to get out of the way, don’t talk to any media whatsoever. If you are a member of the Brotherhood, after you come back, the Grand Master will have friendly policemen arrest anyone who accuses you and will fix a friendly Masonic Judge to try the case. I had lunch with my Judge the week before my Trial. Whatever you do don’t resign because they can’t force you out, just be hard faced about it whatever the Press say. It will all work out in the end. Boaz.

  190. 190
    dr. sipp says:

    do you think he will propose marriage tonight to save his job?

  191. 191
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    I think someone was putting his cock into her mouth.

  192. 192
    Eric Joyce (Teen Fondler) says:

    Thanks Handy. I am not a member of the Brotherhood, can you fix it for me, surely I have now proved myself to be highly eligible for membership.

  193. 193
    billy the sodomite says:

    join the queue

  194. 194
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    And a happy Saint David’s Day to you.

  195. 195
    Sandy Jamieson says:

    What is the Scottish Legal equiviant on this and does it apply to unpaid interns?

    “The abuse of a position of trust is a criminal offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003. The act says that a person over the age of 18 who is in a position of trust over a person under the age of 18 commits a criminal offence if they involve the younger person in sexual activity”

  196. 196
    Displaced Brummie says:

    She’s 19, Handycock, old man. She’s far too old for you.

  197. 197
    Displaced Brummie says:

    That’s a very European thing, isn’t it? Salad cream or mayo with chips.

  198. 198
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    Luckily for Joyce, no-one trusts a politician. This is literally his get out of jail free card. Still, one hopes he’ll do time for twatting the Tory MP, then he’ll find out what his fellow cons think of nonces.

  199. 199
    Grand Master, Grand Lodge, Queen Street says:

    I will consider your application favourably Eric once you have found three members to sponsor you. As you say you have proved yourself highly eligible for membership. Jahbulon.

  200. 200
    🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸.... says:

    does he talk bull. red😄bull.

  201. 201
    Teri says:

    Good grief, Johann Lamont has actually broken cover and spoken on Joyce. Since the alleged bust up in Strangers bar, she has been strangely silent as has been the case with her when allegations were made of bullying and threatening within Glasgow City Council Labour group. She seems to have adopted Gordon Brown’s tactic of keeping the head down, saying nothing and hoping it will go away. It didnt work for Jonah and it wont work for her as Scottish Labour leader either.

  202. 202
    Expat Geordie says:

    Rebuild it but move it south a bit. Along the River Tees will do. Then the Jocks can have the north east with all their workshy communists and Labour MP’s (is that a tautology?) as well. It’s obvious that anyne from there with half a brain cell or an ability to work moved south years ago. And it should give the rest of us a permanent Conservative majority so that we can actually get on with our lives without intererence.

  203. 203
    Expat Geordie says:

    Are you sure that he’s not committing a crime? The age of consent is normally 16, but Joyce was a major in the Army Education Corps (one “battle” honour – British General Election 1945) so that technically makes him a teacher. As she was still at school at the time doesn’t that make it a criminal offence under one of the thousands of laws that Labour passed under their 13 years of mis-rule?

  204. 204
    Expat Geordie says:

    Yes but being in the Army Education Corps makes him a teacher and she was still at school, hence he was in a position of trust. Had she been 17 and not being a schoolgirl he would have been in the clear.

  205. 205
    Terrytory says:

    can we have an opt out for Hexham?

  206. 206
    Bloke says:

    Leave him alone – all he wanted was a bit of fresh totty for fucks sake.

  207. 207
    Eric Joyce (Teen Fondler) says:

    Thank you Grand Master. I now have 3 sponsors, Handycock, Huhne and Hannington. Sign me up please. BoaZ, I hope that is correct.

  208. 208
    Islay van Otherun says:

    Yes, but they get more fusty too, which is why Eric has always preferred a nice eighteen-year-old….. single malt, not blended, of course.

  209. 209
    Anonymous says:

    Eric Joyce has been embarrassing Falkirk and Labour for 12 years.

  210. 210
  211. 211
    Expat Geordie says:

    We could set up an air and ground corridor, just like we did with West Berlin in the good old days. And just like West Berlin you’d be surrounded by workshy communists.

    I can’t see Cameron doing a “Ich bin ein Hexhamer!” speech though.

  212. 212

    I’m fucking livid about this.

    He got this pretty filly into his constituency office and failed to violate her?

    Labour are wooftahs.

    Yours sincerely,

    Mike Handycock.

  213. 213
    Georgia Gould says:

    Posh private school totty? Does she want an internship with the guardian?

  214. 214
    Backstabber says:

    Things were much simpler in the old days when scandals were demarcated Money – Labour,
    Sex – Tories,
    Same Sex Sex – Libs.

    Having trouble following all this nowadays.

  215. 215
    Tapestry says:

    Had it been a boy, they’d leave him alone.

    Anyway 17 is not an offence. Why the moral indignation?

    They’re human beings allowed to make decisions about their lives. The only disgusting thing here is the ogling from others, and people thinking they have any right to tell them what they are permitted to do.

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