March 1st, 2012

Eric Joyce’s Secret Schoolgirl Lover

The Daily Record has an excellent scoop this morning alleging that the disgraced Labour MP Eric Joyce has been having an affair with a campaign staffer thirty-two years his junior. He met Meg Lauder when she was 17 and still at school, when she worked part time for him during the 2010 election. She’s said to be very smitten…

Scottish Labour leader Johann Lamont has signed Joyce’s political death warrant:

“This is a man who has abused his position of power and authority. I’m disgusted, regardless of any other issues. I think this makes Eric Joyce unfit to stand for the Labour Party.”

Both Labour and the SNP could do without a tight by-election right now, but it’s looking increasingly likely…


  1. 1
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Which is which in the pic? They get less fussy as they get older.


    • 3
      Chuckus Yamoney says:

      What is happening to the Labour Party

      We need serious opposition to the coalition

      Man Up Labour for Our sake and start serving the people you are elected to protect instead of yourselves.


      • 12
        House of Commons' Pub Landlord says:

        Hasn’t he banged enough people lateley?


        • 52
          UK's cabal of blackmailed fudgepackers says:

          Disgusting pervert! Whatever’s wrong with the firm buttocks of a nice young chap pressed around one’s cock? Country’s gone to hell since they let pussy-fuckers into parliament!


        • 180
          Polly's Villa in Tuscany says:

          At least he is banging a female. Quite a rarity in Westminster these days…


          • Tapestry says:

            Had it been a boy, they’d leave him alone.

            Anyway 17 is not an offence. Why the moral indignation?

            They’re human beings allowed to make decisions about their lives. The only disgusting thing here is the ogling from others, and people thinking they have any right to tell them what they are permitted to do.


        • 210
      • 31
        Rage Against the Political Elite. says:

        Why is it that Women Cant be trusted with their own emotions??
        Just a thought about the STATE having them in a category of Vunerable. Why did they ever get the VOTE?? If they dont know their own mind, or is that Why they got the VOTE because they dont? Just wonder there is something very smelly going on with Feminism, Racism, etc etc. Its on the Front page of the State Mag the SUN.


      • 41
        misterned says:

        “Man Up Labour for Our sake and start serving the people you are elected to protect instead of yourselves.”

        They never did that during their 13 years of dreadful misrule, so why the hell would they start doing it now?


        • 92
          Chuckus Yamoney says:

          Now would be a good time to start then

          Ramsay MacDonald would be appalled at what his party has become

          Campbell, Blair, Brown and Mandelson are effectively gone. The grass roots need to get rid of the disgraced self serving leeches from the last government like Miliband², CooperBalls, Hain, Harman, Flint, Jowell, Burnham, Byrne, Alexander and Khan before the party will be electable again.

          Labour needs to return to its roots with a primary task to define compassionate capitalism (without going all control freak, big government on us) as opposed to the avaricious corporate kleptocracy we have at present.

          As I said – Man Up Labour – and that means the part faithful


          • Sir Aston Martin says:

            Er, no. The old division between capital and labour has effectively disappe’ared. That means the Labour Party, and indeed the Conservative Party, are defunct.

            We need two new parties: a statist Left Party and a small-government Right Party. Vote for the former and you get high tax and spend. Vote for the latter and the economy takes off like a fucking rocket.


          • Chuckus Yamoney says:

            The trouble is that the end result from of both parties is the same small band of vested interests getting filthy rich at the expense of the electorate – which is why we need a moderated middle ground of compassionate capitalism – fuck knows how you make it happen though!


          • Alex Salmonella. says:

            Bring it on – we will sweep Labour away in Falkirk.


      • 168
        How to Win says:

        serious opposition? – espouse UKIP


      • 175
        Four-eyed English Genius says:

        If you want proper opposition, start voting UKIP!


    • 8
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      Send me Meg’s phone number Eric if you get sent down. If not does she have any younger sisters?


      • 39
        Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

        Time for a fact finding mission to Falkirk Mike. It just as corrupt as Russia, nearly as cold and the locals live on the same diet of turnips and strong liquor.

        Who knows – the local girls may even fancy dirty old men who look as if they have been sleeping rough for a month and subsiding on Special Brew.


        • 42
          sockpuppet #4 says:

          I sometimes feel like an unloved 30’s semi in a mining area too after too much special brew.


        • 44
          The airbrush of History says:

          “Just as corrupt as Russia, nearly as Cold”

          Judging by Joyces travelling expenses it would appear Falkirk is in Siberia.


      • 51
        Wilky says:

        Are you branching out from the Russians then…?


      • 56
        Appalled Constituent says:

        Handy – we all thought your youngest ‘assistant’ was just 14 at the time. Even the adventures with ‘Princess’ and with Katya are sufficient ‘abuse of power and authority’ to render you unfit for public office. Your turn to go next.


      • 196
        Displaced Brummie says:

        She’s 19, Handycock, old man. She’s far too old for you.


    • 45
      M says:

      Labours new work “experience” program


    • 71
      Sir Barrington Minge says:

      Taxi for a Mr Joyce?


    • 123
      Ben says:

      Is that you, Harry?


    • 206
      Bloke says:

      Leave him alone – all he wanted was a bit of fresh totty for fucks sake.


    • 208
      Islay van Otherun says:

      Yes, but they get more fusty too, which is why Eric has always preferred a nice eighteen-year-old….. single malt, not blended, of course.


  2. 2
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Nice choice Joyce


    • 189
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      Eric, take my advice. Keep stum, go away on holiday for a couple of weeks to get out of the way, don’t talk to any media whatsoever. If you are a member of the Brotherhood, after you come back, the Grand Master will have friendly policemen arrest anyone who accuses you and will fix a friendly Masonic Judge to try the case. I had lunch with my Judge the week before my Trial. Whatever you do don’t resign because they can’t force you out, just be hard faced about it whatever the Press say. It will all work out in the end. Boaz.


      • 192
        Eric Joyce (Teen Fondler) says:

        Thanks Handy. I am not a member of the Brotherhood, can you fix it for me, surely I have now proved myself to be highly eligible for membership.


        • 199
          Grand Master, Grand Lodge, Queen Street says:

          I will consider your application favourably Eric once you have found three members to sponsor you. As you say you have proved yourself highly eligible for membership. Jahbulon.


          • Eric Joyce (Teen Fondler) says:

            Thank you Grand Master. I now have 3 sponsors, Handycock, Huhne and Hannington. Sign me up please. BoaZ, I hope that is correct.


  3. 4
    Terrible But True says:

    Hey, seems he’s only doing a Bill Clinton, who was only emulating JFK, so the BBC will be cool.

    And in the £4Bpa political PR scheme of things, that buys a lot of editorial by omission.

    So he, and Labour, should be juuuuust fine.

    Quick, wheel out Mehdi Hassan again on the Murdochs!!!


    • 102
      Gore Master says:

      JFK had the decency to get his skull blow in two in public for all our amusement though.


      • 172
        The Golem says:

        True, although I doubt the people who removed President Kennedy had any interest in his sexual appetite.


        • 186
          Peter Carter-Fuck says:

          J Edgar Hoover was disgusted by Kennedy’s sexual adventures. Then again, he liked to dress as a woman and get fucked by sailors, so his judgment is questionable in this regard.


  4. 5
    Fay Mouse-Grouse says:

    But he said he loved me!


  5. 6
    Grammar School (Old) Boy says:

    Oh dear, oh deary me…


  6. 7
    Racked off says:

    bye bye. He’s toast and the girlie will drop him like a sack when he no longer has his status.


  7. 9
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    In tabloid stories I always like to read through, to find out how much bollocks it all is, and what the sting of truth in the tail is. I can’t see one.

    However, it seems they’ve been tweeting at each other a lot. the dirty bastards.

    “Meg was also involved in a four-way chat on Twitter with Joyce and three other young women – about how good chips and salad cream tastes.”

    Makes you want to puke dunnit?


    • 11
      Steve Miliband says:

      Yeah. Disgusting. Vile.

      Mayo much better.


      • 14
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        And he asked her about her A-levels. OO-err. oh no. its highers probably.

        chips and salad cream makes it sound like he’s been spending far too long in islington and not enough time in Falkirk.

        Had he been eating chips with mayo that would suggest he’s been to Belgium and as such is a terrible europhillic drone.

        No. pure bollocks. twitter nonesense.


        • 57
          tube_thumper says:

          haha yes dear lick up that salad cream that seems to have spilt itself on my tummy


        • 63
          jgm2 says:

          If she’s going to a private school in Fucking Scotland she might be doing ‘A’ levels. I think Kilgraston used to do ‘A’ levels and Dollar definitely did Physics ‘A’ level. I believe the good Edinburgh private schools all do ‘A’ Levels too.

          He might be doubly abusing his position. Shagging the barely legal and posh private school totty too.


    • 197
      Displaced Brummie says:

      That’s a very European thing, isn’t it? Salad cream or mayo with chips.


  8. 10

    Oh come on at least he’s one of the few that like women !
    and she just likes “Jock Cock”


  9. 13
    Andrew Efiong says:

    How humiliating!


  10. 17
    Ichabod says:

    He’s certainly besotted enough to start dying his hair . Midlife crisis ! Midlife crisis !


  11. 18
    Anonymous says:


    Ruining a fucking teenage kids life for a “scoop”


    • 26
      Anonymous says:

      Yeah have to agree to a certain extent – and proves Joyce is hetero – yawn.


      • 29
        tobtaf says:

        Oh I agree, – and I’m SO sleepy – again – zzzzzzzzzzz – wake me when it’s over, – or the coffee arrives


    • 35
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      I’m sure it isnt ruined.

      I tell you what – they’ve got no evidence at all. She should get a bloody good lawyer. in the current feeding frenzy she’d have them. Even if she has actually snogged him I’m sure she could do with a bit of Aitken’s sword. I didn’t mean that to sound a little “carry on” but what the hell eh.


  12. 19
    Grommit says:

    I hope they’ve got more than is in the article. It doesn’t look like much to me.


  13. 20
    Princess Po-face Polytwaddle emoting down at people from her Ivory Tower, tear drops in her eyes says:

    I am always right!

    I am never wrong!

    This is SO romantic! ……… I’m a womin, – and I have a womin’s heart, …… a womin’s feelings . . . . a womin’s body that responds to strong masculine presence …… and I have a womin’s weakness . . .. and a womin’s softness . . . we Wimmin need the power and brawny arms of a REAL MAN to lift us off our dainty little feet and ………… transport us …… to realms that …… oh I can’t go on …… the cramps are starting ……. oh …….. OH! …… argh!! …


  14. 21
    maggie the dog says:

    I think its time to rebuild hadrian’s wall


    • 48
      Another geographical illiterate watch says:

      And hand most of Northumbria over to Scotland ?


      • 108
        jgm2 says:

        ‘Fucking Scotland’ if you please.


      • 202
        Expat Geordie says:

        Rebuild it but move it south a bit. Along the River Tees will do. Then the Jocks can have the north east with all their workshy communists and Labour MP’s (is that a tautology?) as well. It’s obvious that anyne from there with half a brain cell or an ability to work moved south years ago. And it should give the rest of us a permanent Conservative majority so that we can actually get on with our lives without intererence.


        • 205
          Terrytory says:

          can we have an opt out for Hexham?


          • Expat Geordie says:

            We could set up an air and ground corridor, just like we did with West Berlin in the good old days. And just like West Berlin you’d be surrounded by workshy communists.

            I can’t see Cameron doing a “Ich bin ein Hexhamer!” speech though.


  15. 22
    Simon says:

    Hi Guido

    It would be great if you were to cover the terrible abuse of Hollie Greig by the Scottish Establishment. This is one story just begging for someone like you to cover. Hollie Greig, a Down’s Syndrome sufferer was sexually abused by various people she was able to name, but those whose job it is to protect people like her are doing the exact opposite – hounding her and her mother. If you look at Hollie’s case you will see a pattern emerging, of which the case of Joyce will make more sense. Thanks


    • 187
      Peter Carter-Fuck says:

      How do you think the Dunblane massacre happened? Scotland is one of the most corrupt countries on the planet. It’s like Sicily, only without the weather.


  16. 23
    maggie the dog says:

    Anonymous go play with some dolls


  17. 24
    Eric Joist says:

    She must have spiked my drink, the little hussy.


  18. 25
    Well it's a thought says:

    I look at it this way at least it appears we have still have a few heterosexuals left in parliament at the moment, I wonder if that’s why he kicked off the other day, someone wound him up about his alleged “friendship”


  19. 27
    Dai says:

    Isn’t she a bit old for a labour politician


  20. 30
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Perhaps Lamont should start digging a bit deeper.

    Eric Joyce might just be the tip of the iceberg.


  21. 32
    Should have gone to spec savers says:

    She looks underage and she obviously blind. What a silly cow but no doubt she will lap up the attention. Joyce should be shot! She looks about twelve! Seriously!


  22. 36
    Where is my barbie doll? says:

    David Miliblind *swoon*. Is the tag -Looney Left.
    I think she could be the next Jimmy Crankie!
    Attention seeking little girl looking for a sugar daddy. Perhaps Handicapcock might be interested. ROFL!
    Joyce is finished.


    • 83
      jgm2 says:

      I doubt it. He’s not committed any crime (apart from assaulting a few T*ry MPs). My understanding is that as long as he’s not jailed for more than a year then he can sit things out until 2015. I fully expect him to do just that and then take whatever ‘transitional payout’ he gets for being dumped by his constituency party and losing his seat in 2015.

      And I fully expect the voters of Falkirk to elect another Labour MP in 2015. Stepford constituents.


      • 135
        Axe The Telly Tax says:

        Unless they vote for independence in October 2014 :-)


        • 143
          jgm2 says:

          We can but hope. I wonder how ex- MP’s pensions would be dealt with. Would Fucking Scotland have to pick up the bill for their ex-MPs? Fucking delicious – the thought of Fucking Scotland having to pay the Maximum Imbecile’s pension. MMmmm.

          Come on Salmond. Almost there.


          • Peter Carter-Fuck says:

            Given that two thirds of Scotland’s GDP comes from British government spending, an “independent” Scotland would last about as long as the Darien expedition.


      • 203
        Expat Geordie says:

        Are you sure that he’s not committing a crime? The age of consent is normally 16, but Joyce was a major in the Army Education Corps (one “battle” honour – British General Election 1945) so that technically makes him a teacher. As she was still at school at the time doesn’t that make it a criminal offence under one of the thousands of laws that Labour passed under their 13 years of mis-rule?


  23. 40
    Mike Handicapcock says:

    Please Princess. Give me a chance. We can play on the swings together. I love u pwincess x


  24. 43
    Mike Handicapcock says:

    @Simon. If true that is appalling!


  25. 46

    Has she been “entered” in the book of “members” Interests ?


  26. 47
    Lord Brayhorn says:

    Mr Joyce. Invoking the traditional right of English lords to hunt Scottish wildlife without let or hindrance, I demand you hand this smoking young fillie over to my custody forthwith. I shall flush her out of the heather and finish her off with some new potatoes and a cheeky chateauneuf.


  27. 49
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    I hope the press find that pregnant teacher that Joyce allegedly assaulted when he was 15. Get digging to see if it’s true and get an interview with her for the Sun on Sunday :-)


  28. 50
    Tory Dan says:

    Another proven case of leftie women either looking like dykes or utter mingers, another few years in the Scottish Labour Party and this young lady will be massive union battleaxe fighting for the benefits class rights of Special Brew.


  29. 53
    tube_thumper says:

    where is there a girl in that picture?


  30. 55
    No Joke says:

    But seriously -jokes aside. She is a silly little girl. Joyce will get his balls cut off. Wonder how Red ‘Ed will spin this?


    • 62
      maggie the dog says:

      He was just getting to know his constituant better


      • 68
        jgm2 says:

        Perhaps he needed to know how the abolition of EMA was affecting his constituents. Did they ever get around to bribing kids to go to school in Fucking Scotland or is that a devolved issue?


        • 89
          Bystander #4 says:

          I suggest you go to ‘College’ or ‘Uni’ ‘n study GCSE ‘Social Studies’ or whatever crap it’s called.

          Your (necessarily obfuscated) answer may lie (?lay) there.


          • jgm2 says:



          • Bystander #4 says:

            “Did they ever get around to bribing kids to go to school in Fucking Scotland or is that a devolved issue?”

            The answer will be buried in impenetrable bullshit and PC edubabble, but to save you t & t, Yes, bribery is the standard socialist way to learnin, innit, – as in

            “I’ll gi’ ye £5 tae let ma’ lern ye ter do this Jummy”


    • 86
      Simon says:

      Hi No Joke,

      Given the terrible abuse suffered by Down’s Syndrome sufferer Hollie Grieg in Aberdeen, there is every suggestion that Joyce will get away with this.

      Have a look at this article

      What if your Down’s Syndrome daughter revealed that she had been sexually abused?


    • 200
      🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸.... says:

      does he talk bull. red😄bull.


  31. 58
    Alco pops says:

    Saw him in his speedos *swoon*


  32. 59
    sandy says:

    And I thought when he said he liked Top Totty he meant the beer.


  33. 60
    Milky Bar Kid says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha! Joyce will never be the come back kid.


    • 75
      m'Lord MandleScum of Affrontery and Boyz says:

      I always cmu from behind, – so I see no reason why he could not cmu back.

      I cmu back 3 times!


  34. 64
    Bob Crow is a big fat baby says:

    i won’t dwive the twain unless you give me more pennies


  35. 65
    sandy says:

    On the pamphlet, she says: “I have a passion for learning for the sake of it and for my own future. I feel very strongly about the environment and the information society.

    “I’m pleased Eric takes the environment seriously and is deeply committed to making the UK a leading digital economy. He already has a strong record on these issues in Parliament and I’ll be pressing him to continue.”

    She adds: “The future’s green, information-rich, exciting and belongs to young people. I trust Eric and Labour to help us along the way.”

    Do you think someone was putting words in her mouth? Would there have been enough room?


  36. 66
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    I hope he disappears into the mire he created.


  37. 67
  38. 70
    Another victory for mob rule says:

    So now we are passing judgement on what two consenting people do? Both above the age on consent.

    > Head > desk

    Ps i find it unpleasent


  39. 74
    Milky Bar Kid says:

    So do you think Joyce will resign or hang in there? :)


    • 80
      Pawn Sandwich says:

      £200,000 a year expenses. What do you reckon?


      • 92
        jgm2 says:

        I reckon we’ll see 200,000 a year turn into 2,000,000 as he takes ‘revenge’ on the lot of us and ramps up his expenses. He’ll be flying Business class to Fucking Scotland via Acapulco every weekend ‘because the bigger seats allow him to do more work’. Or chartering a Lear jet. Because it’s more flexible and the queues are shorter and that’s important for a busy man such as himself.

        Just you watch.


    • 125
      Cynical-old-bag says:

      I think he will hang on, by the skin of his teeth if he has to, for as long as he can.

      And when he’s not shre*dding, he’ll be working out his expenses.


  40. 76
    Cradle Snatcher says:

    I reckon Joyce has been on radar for a while.


  41. 78
    Another victory for mob rule says:

    so whats the difference between Joyce affair and former Italian pm Silvio?


  42. 85
    Will anyone give me a job says:

    Steve Hilton give me a job please.


  43. 87
    Eric Joyce says:

    See you, Handicock, ah’m gonnae gie ye a doing fur looking at ma burd.


  44. 88
    Will anyone give me a job says:

    Billy B o w d e n give me a job please pal.


  45. 90
    Laugh? I nearly shat myself! says:

    I bet he stuck it up her shitter a few times.


  46. 91
    Cradle Snatcher says:

    Are you sure that’s not Joyce’s teenage son? B)


  47. 94
    Baron Hogwash says:

    You could say he liked taking his intern…


  48. 96
    Bob Crow is a big fat baby says:

    there is no ned to poke fun at Ed Milliband as he is a traveling comedy circuit in his own right


  49. 98
    Baron Hogwash says:

    I hope Ned will be calling for an end to the slave intern trade.


  50. 109
    Mad World says:

    @Simon. That is really sad.


  51. 113
    David Rathband RIP says:


  52. 116

    Ha ha ha ha!

    Schrödinger’s cat is number 11 on Peer Index – beating all three of them.

    Problem is that it is an impostor. :-(


  53. 117
    Mike Hancock says:

    17? Far too old.


  54. 121
    Eric Joyce says:

    I told her to fuck me or I’d punch her.


  55. 124
    Sandy Jamieson says:

    Maggie Lauder (Traditional)

    Wha wadna be in love
    Wi’ bonnie Maggie Lauder?
    A piper met her guan to Fife,
    And pier’d what was’t they ca’d her;
    Right scornfully she answer’d him,
    Began you hall shaker,
    Jog on your gate,
    ye bladderscate,
    My name is Maggie Lauder.

    Maggie, quo he, and by my bags
    I’m fidgin’ fain to see the;
    Sit down by me, my bonnie bird,
    In troth I winna steer thee:
    My name is Rob the Ranter;
    The lasses loup as they were daft,
    When I blaw up my chanter.

    Piper, quo Meg, hae ye your bags,
    Or is your drone in order?
    If ye be Rob, I’ve heard of you,
    Live ye upon the border?
    The lasses a’, baith far and near
    Hae hear o’ Rob the Ranter;
    I’ll shake my foot wi’ right goo-will,
    Fig ye’ll blaw up your chanter.

    Then to his bags he flew wi’ speed,
    About the drone he twisted;
    Meg up and walloped o’er the gree,
    For brawly could she frisk it.
    Weel done, quo’ he: play up, quo’ she:
    Weel bobb’d, quo Rob the Ranter;
    It’s worth my while to play, indeed,
    When I hae sic a dancer.

    Weel hae you play’d your part, quo’ Meg,
    Your cheeks are like the crimson;
    There’s nane in Scotland plays sae weel,
    Sin’ we lost Habby Simson.
    I’ve live’d in Fife, baith maid and wife,
    These ten years and a quarter;
    Gin ye should come to Anster fair,
    Spier ye for Maggie Lauder.


  56. 126
    Historian says:

    Very interesting

    The real quote is different from the smear used by Guido and Ed Milliband

    Try not to smear with partial quotes Guido

    You are becoming like McBride !


  57. 128
    Well it's a thought says:

    We can call him what we want, but he’s still an untouchable unless he goes to clink for a while, but as an untouchable we know he will only get a slapped wrist whatever the big boys and girls say, so apart from commenting to say how awful ,we can do bog all, big shame really just for using his temper tantrums he should be made to sit on the naughty chair.


  58. 130
    Mike Hancock says:

    I would.


  59. 132
    No Joke says:

    @ Simon. Now Guido is working for the Star they might be interested in this story. I really hope Hollie gets Justice. It is quite sickening that this type of appalling behaviour towards the vulnerable goes unchallenged!


  60. 136
    Loungelizard says:

    This young gel hasn’t got a twin sister who’s a kick boxer and leads the Conservatives north of the border has she? All look the same to me!


  61. 138
    nellnewman says:

    And there I was thinking he was married. Oh I forgot labour doesn’t believe in marriage.


  62. 141
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Happy birthday Justin Bieber.


  63. 153
    genghiz the kahn says:

    How many other SLAB MPs are involved with researchers, think tankettes, special advisers on carnal matters? If the lass is over 16, and willing, Joyce hasn’t broken the law, but it might fracture his marriage.

    Is old slab face Lamont looking for an excuse to push the guy out, but would Labour really want a By Election.


  64. 156
    Anonymous says:

    The Joyce of sex.


  65. 157
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Joyce’s marriage is already fractured. I think they have already split.


  66. 160
    Reuters correspondent says:

    Guido is a false libertarian who is quietly going bonkers

    First misquotiung and smearing Tonge now going hysterical about a perfectly legal arrangement

    The age of consent in the UK is 16


    • 162
      Z fronts says:

      Why did New Labour lower the age for homosexual consent to 16 in 2000 ?

      So that their shirtlifters could get a nice fresh young ones…legally….


    • 163
      Kevin T says:

      Oh well that’s all right then. I’ll get down my local secondary school and try my luck with the fucking GCSE class.


  67. 161
    Kevin T says:

    Wow, a thug, a trougher AND a cradle robbing adulterer. Impressive even by MP standards. If there was honesty in politics he would be a shoo-in for parliamentarian of the year.


  68. 166
    Gordon Brown, MP says:

    M-Mr Speaker, could I assure the House that Mr Joyce has my unwavering support and unconditional backing. I stand behind him.

    Eric Joyce, MP: Now I’m fucked.


  69. 167
    Johann Lamont says:

    A cheese grater to the cΘck n balls. Then add vinegar.


  70. 171
    Some Geezer wot knows there's no accounting for taste says:

    And maybe someday Ms Lauder can be a comedy writer for Ed Miliband, Harriet Harman and Tom Watson a la Ayesha Hazarika (as per her Myspace page, reported in the last paragraph bar one). She’s already been associated with a joke of an MP, it seems.


  71. 173
    gildedtumbril says:

    Wow! Another handycock? The Augean Stables of Westminster need complete fumigation. It is the right thing to do, and soon,
    Personally I believe that Pugin’s Palace of perverts, pedophiles, pederasts and other assorted deviants including malfeasance jockeys in abundance needs demolition.


  72. 177

    The Scottish Labour leader is called Jonah Lamont? How confusing.

    I bet he gets confused with two ex-chancellors.


  73. 179
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    What is the penalty for disgusting moral behaviour whilst being in public office?

    That poor poor girl needs protection.

    She aint going to get it from Cameroon and the Conservatives.

    And the ugly drunken Hunt has not had the guts to resign.


  74. 181
    Josiah Bartlett says:

    He’s seperated from his wife. Assuming no laws have been broken, can’t he shag whoever he likes?


  75. 182
    Meat Spin made me dizzy says:

    The big difference is that a TTory MP having sex usually does it alone with a length of electrical flex, a Tesco bag and a satsuma. Oh well I suppose at least they are recycling the bags.


  76. 184
    pond lifeTaxpayer feeding this mans jet setting lifestyle says:

    This vile man beggars belief. Apparently assaulted 2 teachers when he was at school, one of them was pregnant. He has been forced to resign from 3 jobs that I am aware of. Most costly MP in the country with his two offices and £200K expenses bill. Last year he was prosecuted for drink driving and had the breathtaking arrogance and gall to refuse the brethalyser. Goes Bella berserk in The Strangers bar assaulting all who got in his drunken way. Now it transpires that he was only a few months short of being a Pedophile ??!!
    Law maker indeed !!!!!!!!!
    Now we have “like minded” in the same “boys club” MP`s coming out of the woodwork feeling sorry for him because he has “recently split up from his wife” I think if you actually look at the facts he has been estranged from his wife for a more than 2 years ??!! Hence the reason he sited his estranged wife as the reason for “flipping” his house. This man will brass it out till the end, you mark my words.


  77. 185
    Jailbait Jilly says:

    When you’ve finished with her darling ………


  78. 190
    dr. sipp says:

    do you think he will propose marriage tonight to save his job?


  79. 195
    Sandy Jamieson says:

    What is the Scottish Legal equiviant on this and does it apply to unpaid interns?

    “The abuse of a position of trust is a criminal offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003. The act says that a person over the age of 18 who is in a position of trust over a person under the age of 18 commits a criminal offence if they involve the younger person in sexual activity”


    • 198
      Peter Carter-Fuck says:

      Luckily for Joyce, no-one trusts a politician. This is literally his get out of jail free card. Still, one hopes he’ll do time for twatting the Tory MP, then he’ll find out what his fellow cons think of nonces.


      • 204
        Expat Geordie says:

        Yes but being in the Army Education Corps makes him a teacher and she was still at school, hence he was in a position of trust. Had she been 17 and not being a schoolgirl he would have been in the clear.


  80. 201
    Teri says:

    Good grief, Johann Lamont has actually broken cover and spoken on Joyce. Since the alleged bust up in Strangers bar, she has been strangely silent as has been the case with her when allegations were made of bullying and threatening within Glasgow City Council Labour group. She seems to have adopted Gordon Brown’s tactic of keeping the head down, saying nothing and hoping it will go away. It didnt work for Jonah and it wont work for her as Scottish Labour leader either.


  81. 214
    Backstabber says:

    Things were much simpler in the old days when scandals were demarcated Money – Labour,
    Sex – Tories,
    Same Sex Sex – Libs.

    Having trouble following all this nowadays.


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Find out more about PLMR

Austrian Chancellor Werner Faymann on Cameron’s refusal to pay the £1.7 billion EU bill by December 1st:

“Well, then he’s gonna pay on December 2nd”

Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!

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