February 25th, 2012

Saturday Seven Up

Last week some 109,242 visitors made 297,009  visits to view 458,736 pages. The top stories in order of popularity were:

You’re either in front of Guido, or you’re behind…


  1. 1
    Keith says:

    Great week.

    When Guidogram going out Guido?

  2. 2
  3. 3

    We’re holding it back for some late-breaking surprise news.

  4. 4
    Keith says:


    Ok thankyou Sir :) enjoy your weekend :)

  5. 5
    The Paragnostic says:

    You’re not going to scoop the Sunday Sun’s Watson story, are you?

  6. 6
    Sky's Peter Poofter says:

    Is it about a gayer?

  7. 7
    Just wondering says:

    Are you on tablets?

  8. 8
    Eric says:

    I just saw red when that Tory poofter called me Joyce.

  9. 9
    Anonymous says:

    What a prat Polly Toynbee is on her high horse again.

  10. 10
    Polly Twaddle says:

  11. 11
    Tachybaptus says:

    They’re growing synthetic readers in bottles to boost their tiny circulation.

  12. 12
    Eric headed to prison says:

    Rejoyce! Rejoyce! Rejoyce!

  13. 13
    It's actually quite disgusting the way she flaunts her charity work every day says:

  14. 14
    Pretty Pretty Polly says:

    And I’m not being overly sanctimonious, I’m just being sufficiently sanctimonious.

  15. 15
    Polly says:

    It’s nice and warm here in Tuscany.

  16. 16
    The Paragnostic says:

    I’m wondering how the poor bloody horse felt.

  17. 17
    Pollymaths says:

    So how is a fall of readership by 4% between July and December growth Polly? As ever you are full of shite.


  18. 18

    Glas men should not throw stones?

  19. 19

    That reminds me. Uriah Heep are touring Europe this spring. ;-)

  20. 20

    Is it possiblе that Kеith could bе thе Grеatеst Umpirе еvеr?

  21. 21

    It will take 10 million years to get to the plankton stage.

  22. 22
    Eric Joyce says:

    The next round’s on me.

  23. 23
    The Bibles view on people who flaunt their charity work says:

    Neither let your right hand know what your left hand is doing

  24. 24
    Split personality says:

    Naw its just Guido.

  25. 25
    Is Eric any relation of Yootha Joyce? says:

    She was also alcoholic.


  26. 26
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    Very ‘umble, sir begging your pardon. Tugs forlock and backs out of room.

  27. 27
    Princess Po-face Polytwaddle, handwringing bleedinheart, whining down at people from her High Horse says:

    I am always right!

    I am never wrong!

    As you see, on this blissfully warm day, I have taken the opportunity to mount my High Horse, and go for a trot through the locale (pardon my French, – but I am a person of breeding and edyerkayshun – like wot Tony said). It suits me to sit up here, for, I can look down on the little people, – you for instance, – and they can look up to me, – which is only right and proper and showing me due respect.

    But I digress. My main point this morning, is, as always, how right I really am, and how people hang on my words.

    Gordo, for instance, took every opportunity to look at my fine crop. He never ceased being inspired by my mass of closely interwoven detail. He loved to untangle my knots whenever he found one, – those little accidents of tautology wot fine writers like me do from to time.

    But mentioning Gordo brings me . . . brings me . . . . brings . . . . me . . to the . . point . . . oh! . . I can’t go on . . I must get off at once . . leave me . . just take the horse . . . no! don’t help me! . . I am going into status polytwadlicus . . . let me enjoy the sweet agony . . . the blissful release . . . the afterglow! Oh! . . . oh! . . . .

  28. 28
    Sarah Twat the Twitty Tweeter says:

    Gordo in a foul mood this morning.

    What can I do to sweeten him? – was so looking 4wrd 2 2nite!

  29. 29
    nellnewman says:

    Well thanks to ericjoyce for an amusing week. I confess I had not expected labour in opposition to be as entertaining as they were in government.

  30. 30
    please call security says:

    In other words it’s Βillу. I wonder if Keith is his real name. Lot’s of benders are named Keith I’m sure.

  31. 31
    the ghost 'arry says:

    Hello, I’ve just dropped in to see the next big fight.

  32. 32
    never mind the quality says:

    Sadly, Polly never had the chance to learn that size really does matter, the pug ugly hag.

  33. 33
    Bazza Keefer says:

    Naw, I was a pop singer in the 1960’s:

  34. 34
    Andrew Stuart says:

    I’ll have a punch.

  35. 35
    Judge Mills Lane is the greatest boxing referee ever ! says:

    Twelve rounds in the ring = good;
    Twelve rounds in Strangers = not so good.

  36. 36
    R.U. Shaw says:

    ‘Quality’ ???

  37. 37

    Would Polly look good naked on a horse?

    See here:


  38. 38
    annette curton says:

    It is a tale
    told by idiots, full of sound and fury,
    Signifying nothing.

  39. 39

    If Labour in government was a show, I should like to have had the opportunity not to have bought a ticket (so many times over too.)

  40. 40

    Zero percent was growth, according to our beloved erstwhile prime minister, so a fall of 4% must be even better by that yardstick.

  41. 41

    What could we club together over in order to present Ed Balls with a token of our appreciation for his birthday?

  42. 42
    annette curton says:

    It would be fair to say that they died on stage, Granny award?.

  43. 43
    Barbera Cartland says:

    Are Jon Sopel & Emily Maitliss having an affair?

  44. 44
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    About time parliament got its own house in order – before discussing the issue of raising the price of alcohol for the little people.

    Late night rowdiness in some of the HoC bars has been ongoing.

  45. 45
    annette curton says:

    Just a large club.

  46. 46
  47. 47
  48. 48
    Lord Lucan says:

    Hadn’t heard that one, but Charlie Stayt and Susanna Reid are supposed to be shagging like minx.

  49. 49
    annette curton says:

    who is minx?.

  50. 50
    Taff Jones says:

  51. 51
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    last sentence should read.

    Late night rowdiness in some of the HoC bars has been going on for some time.

  52. 52
    Chris Bryant says:

    Indeed, sometimes when you go into the Strangers Bar you feel as though you are in Rupert Street. It is virtually a gay bar now, and my husband sometimes worries about whether I should be allowed in there any more.

  53. 53
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ve sold one of my jobbies on ebay for £2.90.

  54. 54
    Lou Scannon says:

    A copy of Economics for Dummies.

  55. 55
    annette curton says:

    Can’t you post something in English, can’t understand what he’s rambling on about.

  56. 56
    Crapita, extortionists to the elite says:

    No chance !

  57. 57
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    How about a P45?

  58. 58
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    That’s OK. I’m sure the local council will pay for a translator.

  59. 59
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Self serving double standards fat useless bastard WATSON will get his just rewards on Sunday.

  60. 60
    Cameron is a Cunt says:

    i seee ellie harrison has resigned then. she takes home £8.6 million but leaves the guys on the dole with £67.50 – capitalism donch just luv it!!

  61. 61
    Ed Balls says:

    So what!

  62. 62
    Cameron is a Cunt says:

    grayling’s still a c’unt

  63. 63
    Only in the Graun says:

    Ha ha! Spot on that.

  64. 64
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Qaulity, shurely

  65. 65
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    I see Box Nation are offering a David Hay V Eric Joyce match for £9.99

  66. 66
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    A suitable length of rope (and his own choice of lamp post).

  67. 67
    Mandelson, Prescott, Scargill the Kinnocks & Blairs says:

    We love it

  68. 68
    What An Imaginative Moniker says:

    BBC salaries and golden goodbyes are getting well out of hand if a Countryfile presenter can walk away with that kind of money.

  69. 69
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    There there diddums. Just stick your underpants on your head and no one will recognise you :-)

  70. 70
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    A nazi uniform?

  71. 71

    Falkirk Labour Party have just amended its motto to the following:

    “Fighting for a better fucking future for all in Falkirk except for fucking Tories who need their faces flattened”

  72. 72
  73. 73
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    Give her one for me, Charlie.

  74. 74
    Bystander #4 says:

    Spit roast?

  75. 75
    annette curton says:

    Its the right thing to do, hard working families will give them a broken nose.

  76. 76
    Bystander #4 says:

    Given the average IQ and speiling ability of NooLieBore apparatchiks, could simply be “Fighting Fuckin Falkirk Tories” (in any order)

  77. 77
    Windy 'Dave', a miller with no tune or place on Chigley says:

    Life goes by when you’re a driver of a train

    Wind-Mills by the track as we go and come again!

    (Will his WindMills power the HS2?)

  78. 78
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Peter Mandleson says twelve rounds in the ring will do me.

  79. 79
    A Farmer says:

    I’ve got a box of rubber castration rings – you’re welcome to choose a selection.

  80. 80
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Oh Sarah yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

  81. 81
    Anonymous says:

    Was it polished?.

  82. 82
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Toynbee as obviously attended the Mark Serwotka school of maths.

  83. 83
    Judy says:

    So what’s the prodnoseis for Labour in Falkirk ?

  84. 84
    Arthur Haynes (Comedian) says:

    That’s not a readership increase. They just use more of it for toilet paper in the NHS now to keep costs down. Dermott says the leader column is good for constipation.

    AH (C)

  85. 85
    Sir William Waad says:

    I pity the stable lad or lass who has to clean the tack afterwards.

  86. 86
    annette curton says:

    Still on life support.

  87. 87
    Sir William Waad says:

    Nice-looking doctors they have at the Harley Medical Group, I must say. Bostin’!

  88. 88
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    “Along with Andrew Moray, Wallace defeated an English army at the Battle of Stirling Bridge in 1297, and was Guardian of Scotland, serving until his defeat at the Battle of Falkirk. In 1305, Wallace was captured in Robroyston near Glasgow and handed over to King Edward I of England, who had him hanged, drawn, and quartered for high treason and crimes against English civilians.”

    Courtesy of Wikipedia :-)

  89. 89

    Next he’ll be asking if he can press Guido’s naz1 un1f0rm

  90. 90
    🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸.... says:

    at a time when money is cheap… what has more substance?

  91. 91
    Eric Joyce says:

    I’ve got the eye of the tiger.

  92. 92
    Tachybaptus says:

    But the clamp used by the devotees of Cybele did the job quicker:

  93. 93

    Yes, Hercules had a rather easy task by comparsion.

  94. 94

    I hear that Margaret Beckett went into politics when they did not accept her.

  95. 95

    I’ll have two from the top row and three from the bottom, please Carol.

  96. 96
    Bent Socialist watch says:

    I see Mr David Mills Jowell has got off Scott free then. I fully expect the Jowells to make a ful marital recovery in light of this.

  97. 97
    Don Corleone says:

    Cheek !

  98. 98
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Can I have a crack?

  99. 99
    Archie says:

    Keith? He looks more like Bill!

  100. 100
    Archie says:

    Daughter of Fanny Hillman?

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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