February 23rd, 2012

Police Sources: Joyce Victim Concussed, 8 Officers Witnessed Strangers’ Bar Staff Called for Interviews at 3pm

Strangers’ Bar staff have been called to Belgravia Police Station at 3pm to give further witness statements about the Eric Joyce brawl. Other MPs who witnessed the affair, as well as staffers and other drinkers will also be interviewed in the coming hours.

Guido understands that the really bad news for Eric Joyce is that as many as eight officers witnessed him breaking out of police custody to return to the fray. Police sources indicate that the main headbutting incident happened after the police had first intervened. All of the officers have given statements this morning. There is further bad news for Joyce in the fact that one of the victims, possibly Tory MP Stuart Andrew, was left concussed from the incident, meaning that the charge could be Actual Bodily Harm rather than assault. And that’s by-election territory…

UPDATE: ITV’s Alex Forrest says the Members are being interviewed in their Westminster offices.


  1. 1
    Sir Pimple Timpleton says:

    And it’s goodbye to him. Goodnight.

  2. 2
    MrAngry61 says:

    Yes, but the victors from any by-election are more likely to be th SNP than the Tories.

  3. 3
    Steve Clarke says:

    Are more likely whoever replaces him at Labour.

  4. 4
    The Doddering Old Fart says:

    Love it.

  5. 5
    Andrew says:

    Alas, yes, but the Whips cannot legislate for such crap-happenings as this!

    New Members making their maiden speeches generally say nice things about their predecessors – the last exception was, I think, Andrew Faulds about Peter Griffiths at Smethwick – which may present some tartan tosser with a challenge.

  6. 6
    shafts bunga says:

    Don’t really care the snp can have it and their new Scotland free from us evil English mind have no idea what 600 years old grudge they will bleat about when we are gone ???

  7. 7


    Out of control.








    Typical Labour MP, I would have said.

  8. 8
    Racked off says:

    well he’s screwed then, Labour about to lose a seat to the SNP.

    The guy must be fruitloop to do that so publically.

  9. 9
    Andrew says:

    Come to think of it what will Mr Huhne’s successor say?

  10. 10
    Ah! Monika says:

    All helps the stats.

  11. 11
    Andrew says:

    Never trust a corps-wallah!

  12. 12
    EdMiliband says:

    I have thown that I have complete authority within my Party.

  13. 13
    William Joyce says:

    Haw haw

  14. 14
    Fed Up Taxpayer says:

    This seems to be a good argument for the prices in the HoC bars to be higher, rather than lower, than the extortionate ones the rest of us have to pay. Parliament seems more and more to be a private club rather than a national legislature. Perhaps now the police will close it down!

  15. 15
    Popeye says:

    Excellent! 1 down only about 49 to go.

  16. 16
    Ho-hum says:

    Be lucky to get a ASBO.

  17. 17
    Popeye says:

    My point I believe?

  18. 18
    Lord Mandelbum of Fondleboys says:

    Better a Tartan Tosser than an English nancy boy such as yourself though! And I should know :-)

  19. 19
    Anonymous says:

    Idiot! get rid of him!!

  20. 20
    Knob Ed says:

    I’m just sitting here quietly waiting for bandwagons and then this happens.

  21. 21
    John says:

    Are there no Christians or Muslims amongst Guido readers? Have some compassion for a man whose life has just fallen apart.

  22. 22
    Ignorant Bigot Alert says:

    Education and basic English isn’t your strong point, is it?

  23. 23
    Token Scot says:

    by election by combat I say!

  24. 24
    RSM says:

    Correct, Sir!

  25. 25
    Token Scot says:

    corrupt trougher?

  26. 26
    grobdj says:

    Remember the law as it applies to politicians is not the law the ordinary man experiences.

    No doubt the Fees Office will still pay his expenses, plus compensation when he loses his seat

  27. 27
    Sir Keith Josephs Preserved Head says:

    Just to add to the charge sheet….is there also some law or another about this being a homophobic crime?

  28. 28
    the scrote says:

    What’s to be done about these binge drinking MP’s?

  29. 29
    The Paragnostic says:


    He’s a socialist and therefore unworthy of compassion.

  30. 30
    Bogeyman says:

    You forgot about the expenses. This Jock reels them in like a Japanese trawlerman

    Then again, I suppose he deserves them because Labour MPs do such good work for their country, and are more intelligent.

  31. 31
    Ho-hum says:

    Depends on what he said , if he said “you tory C-unt” then no, if he said “you fuckin gay c-unt ” then possibley.

  32. 32
    legal crook says:

    Scotman like’s a drink; surely not!

  33. 33
    Plantagenet says:

    will say that this guy’s in a bad place, obviously.

    but compassion is short for politicians in general, let alone when they begin to drink and headbutt on Wednesday nights

  34. 34
    JH says:

    Come on, he can’t possibly carry on after this even if the sentence is less than 12 months. The guy is unhinged.

    Christ, imagine if it was an evil Tory that had done this. The Guardian and BBC would have to temporarily reassign their get-Murdoch stormtroopers to be able to wind themselves up to the appropriate level of faux-outrage and sustain it 24-7.

    “Surely this incident means that the NHS reforms will have to be scrapped” etc etc etc

  35. 35
    Loungelizard says:

    I think Miliband should make a televised apology to the Nation for allowing a Labour member of the House bring British politics into disrepute.

  36. 36
    a Scottish person says:

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Who called in the police?

    I seem to remember some Tories were a bit upset last time the police were invited into the house to investigate.

  38. 38
    Doctor Mick says:

    It didn’t “just fall apart” .. as if he had no control over it. The thug deserves everything that’s coming to him.

  39. 39
    Perse O'Nally says:

    By my reckoning, he’s got three assault charges (including a probable ABH), Criminal Damage to tables, chairs, glasses and a window.
    Resisting arrest and might even be Assault on Police…plus drunk and disorderly.


  40. 40
    Gonk says:

    Now let’s see. He swung his six stone head and bashed someone so hard
    in the kisser they apparently suffered concussion. Then damaged property
    and continued struggling with police for sometime…… No

  41. 41
    Loungelizard says:

    OK this time they were dealing with scum.

  42. 42
    Bogeyman says:

    From the Grauniad…

    An MP since 2000 who was formerly in the army education corps, Joyce tweeted just three days ago: “OK, who’s the hardest boxing correspondent in the country? There’s only one way to find out …”

    In 2010 he resigned as shadow Northern Ireland minister after pleading guilty to failing to provide a breath test.

  43. 43
    Ho-hum says:

    bit different. In this case a assult was in progress, before the police were sent in to investigate a mp doing his job.

  44. 44
    a non says:

    Compassion where compassion is due. This is very little difference here between this and a drunken football hooligan confronting a rival, road rage assault or violent picketting attacks targeting the police.
    You cannot give licence for this behaviour to any and all individuals who may be suffering marital problems.

  45. 45
    Jess The Dog says:

    This is what happened:

    And Eric has strong views on the stereotype image of the drunken Scot.


    “A lot of media outlets have this week covered a story that adult Scots drink an average of nearly one bottle of Vodka, or nearly three bottles of wine, per week each. That’s apparently a lot more than in England, so everyone there is having a giant laugh about alchie Scots today….Some politicians, and many amongst the Scottish middle class establishment, seem determined to present Scotland as full of drunks. They say ‘we’ but usually mean ‘them’: the less well-off. So, everyone else in the UK and quite a few people around the world, if you look at the links, are laughing at the Scots.”

  46. 46
    Shirley you should know better says:


  47. 47
    Doctor Mick says:

    I think they were there to do a little more than “investigate” as you so quaintly put it. Tasers, cattle prods and leather muzzles were required last night and he still managed to fight off eight of them. Friggin nutter.

  48. 48
    MrAngry61 says:

    Truely educational…

  49. 49
    Ha hah says:

    If he was ‘in custody’ then it would be GBH, I made a citizens arrest on some slags and when they assaulted me it meant they were done for GBH.

  50. 50
    the scrote says:

    Lounge Bar for the Tories, Public Bar for Labour & a Snug for the LibDems with a No Smoking Terrace for the Health Lobby.

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    All jocks have small dicks, hence the need to prove themselves all the time, sad bastards.

  52. 52
    Sir Keith Josephs Preserved Head says:

    Yes he was an officer in Education Corps but started in the Army as a private soldier in the Black Watch.

    You can take the man out of the jock infantry…. But

  53. 53
    The Doddering Old Fart says:

    Love it, just love it.
    Mind you it’s a pity the Abbott didn’t get caught in between.
    A good headbutting would do that thing a cartload of good.

  54. 54
    Bogeyman says:

    Oh yes, it would have been Bullingdons this, Bullingdon that…

    At least the Bullingdons did not go around smashing windows in historic buildings. They had standards, you know.

  55. 55
    Tony Bliar that straight kinda guy says:

    How appropriate, the radio is playing Elton John Saturday night alright for fighting…

  56. 56
    Ha hah says:

    Especially the ‘back stabbers’.

  57. 57
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    The fight(back) starts in Scotland. LOL

  58. 58
    Kenny Blattered says:

    They should shake hands.

  59. 59
    jacky Treehorn says:

    Bitch slapped! Sucker.

  60. 60
    Loungelizard says:

    Just think…he might have kilt somebody.

  61. 61
    Henry Ford says:

    Possible BBC headline:
    Tory MP facebutts Labour MP’S forehead.

  62. 62
    SGC 873 says:

    In fairness not a true “corps-wallah” – The Royal Army Education Corps probably wouldn’t have been his first choice but he was restricted due to his age; by the time he got to Sandhurst he’d already done 10 years as a Jock in the Black Watch and was too old to go back to the infantry as an officer.

  63. 63
    Fog says:

    Subsidised mayhem.

  64. 64
    Sandalista says:

    If Joyce had headbutted Abbott’s face (or any other part of her body) he would have had a case of whiplash as he bounced back off all that lard.

  65. 65
    Loungelizard says:

    Maybe he was looking for a sporran partner…arrrrrrhahahaaaaaaaa

  66. 66
    Anon Observer says:

    Wonder if Call Me Dave is taking a very active interest if this brawl as we the Tax Payers are subsidising our MP’s(aka Parasites & Pimps) Booze & Food, while the great unwashed are lectured about binge drinking & large price increases to control us.

    If only our so called Elected Representatives led by example rather than the attitude of Don’t do as we do, Do as we say. Needless to say Berkow the jumped up Dictator will do sweet fanny adams about this serious incident, but the Public at Large will see it very differently.

    Wonder if Call Me Dave will come out with strong words to condem this brawl & needless to say Milliepeed The Minor has not doubt, gone to ground somewhere out of sight as the useless plonker he is along with the rest of ZanuLieLabor.

    How lucky we are to have such a rabble leading our once great country……………..

  67. 67
    Bet says:

    If all the bar staff are down the cop shop, who’s going to pour the hot Totty?

  68. 68
    jgm2 says:

    No. The victor will be whoever is next on Labour’s list in Falkirk.

    They really are that fucking stupid.

  69. 69
    legless says:

    Of all the “ists” that could be added to the charge it’s the totally p-“issed’ situation that takes the biscuit.

  70. 70
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    New footage just in of Eric Joyce :-)

  71. 71
    Retired Major says:

    From “frontline” to REMF. The BW have higher standards for their officers whether Direct Entry or from the Ranks.

  72. 72
    jgm2 says:

    Stop anthropomorphising the Labour MPs.

  73. 73
    MrAngry61 says:

    The Labourgraph‘s latest update says that Joyce attacked Andrew twice, in front of a delegation from the Canadian Parliament, including their Speaker.

    He also allegedly punched 3 Labour MPs, which may be why he’s been suspended.

    And the female Tory MP was Jackie Doyle-Price.


  74. 74

    So, according to The Sentencing Council (update 6):
    These are specified offences for the purposes of section 224 of the
    Criminal Justice Act 2003: Triable either way
    Section 47: Maximum when tried summarily: Level 5 fine and/or 26 weeks’ custody, Maximum when tried on indictment: 5 years’ custody.

    Looks like a Category 1 to me. Factors indicating greater harm: Sustained or repeated attach. Factors indicating higher culpability include Use of weapon or weapon equivalent (headbutting) & Offence motivated by, or demonstrating, hostility on the victim’s age, sex, gender identity. < it may have been a homophobic attack.

    Correct Guido – Crown Court 18 months+ = New Seat for the SNP.

  75. 75
    jgm2 says:

    Plus a shit-load of witnesses too.


    Anybody got an address we can send a ‘Fuck You, You C*unt’ card to?

  76. 76
    Some Geezer wot realises that coppers sometimes risk their lives breaking up barroom brawls says:

    Assaults on police officers usually end up like this:

    Though sadly, not always.

  77. 77
    East India Company wallah says:

    that was a paddy-wagon

  78. 78
    John says:

    I don’t disagree with you. But those hurling abuse in this blog are experiencing the same kind of rage that causes a man to go berserk. They are dealing with it more responsibly than he did, obviously — and I hope none of us ever snaps under the pressure, as he did. His life is over; go ahead and dance on his grave if it makes you feel better, mates, but it does bring you down to his level.

  79. 79
    Well it's a thought says:

    So are they going to close all the Palace of Westminster bars or are they going to put the price of booze up, I mean if those slobs can’t handle their booze, how do they expect us trash to, close down the boozing in the Palace of Westminster now.

  80. 80
    jgm2 says:

    The sad thing is that you’re absolutely correct. The Grauniad doesn’t matter since so few people read it and they’re already so brain-dead that no amount of rational discourse can cure them. But the BBC would have this as the main news for at least 50% of the broadcast if it were a T*ry MP who’d been disgracing himself thus.

  81. 81
    JH says:

    Awesome comment on LabourLost:

    There’s a wider issue here? the whole nation is at boiling point due to this tory led governments actions, violent crime is on the rise, we’ve had the London riots, people are losing their homes and jobs, families are struggling to have a daily meal and keep their homes warm. Greece, Libya, Egypt are all suffering form austerity and their societies have exploded. Politics isn’t helping to resolve the problems as MP’s are faced with a barrage of daily sos calls.I call on the parliament to have an emergency debate on this issue and the wider growing anger that is awaiting to overspill into every corner of our society.

    Ahhh, yes ‘derek’ – Joyce’s drunken rampage was all down to Tory cuts. Demonstrations and riots are not all all due to the petulant rage of legions of spoilt, infantilised gobshites who think that creating a public fracas will keep their supply of free sweeties uninterrupted.

  82. 82
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    OK, I’ll bring my MP3 player.

  83. 83
    Arthur Montford says:

    Are you some sort of perv who frequents gents urinals looking at the genitalia of Scotsmen?

  84. 84
    interpreter says:

    As intelligeble as his colleagues spe-aking at PMQs.
    Pri-celess humour

  85. 85
    Perse O'Nally says:

    Thinking about it (and I often do) you could almost call that an affray. That’d bring the pains on.

  86. 86
    Ichabod says:

    I see Dave boy is emoting about Somalia , now promising an extra £33 million to the dump, apparently that makes £200 million of our money over the next three years. Cameron this is madness, and you are in a state of permanent adolescence.

  87. 87
    JH says:

    Er, is that not Guido behind the counter, about 40’000 pints ago?

  88. 88
    jgm2 says:

    To me it sounds like it was Labour throwing their weight around again and subverting the democratic process. Just like last time.

    The only difference is that this time the c*unt who was trying to dictate who could and couldn’t say what they liked in the HoP got called out on it. Jacqui Smith should likewise have been the one spending the night in the cells. The wicked and malicious c*unt.

  89. 89
    Loungelizard says:

    Seen Elsewhere…He Just Flipped….are they talking about his house?

  90. 90
    Palf says:

    He’s not Muslim, he’s white.

  91. 91
    Only in the Graun says:

    Lady Macheal White now has a piece on CiF.


    No condemnation of the thug Joyce above or below the line, natch.

    One caring and intelligent lefty commentator suggests a ‘to do list’ for Joyce so he can ‘banjo’ more Tories and Lib Dems.

  92. 92
    Only in the Graun says:

    That should of course be Dame Michael White.

  93. 93
    God's Holy Trousers says:

    The man is a low class barbarian. Turning the other cheek doesn’t work with savages like that. I wouldn’t dance on his grave, but I would gladly take a piss on it. The prick took us for £200k in expenses. Fuck him and the first class carriage he rode in on.

  94. 94
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Yep. We are now.

  95. 95
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Send it care of Millie, I’m sure he will be happy to pass it on.

  96. 96
    jgm2 says:

    It’s hardly surprising if there are riots when even before the election Labour were promising that any ‘cuts’ would be met with riots is it? Some might say they’d rather been given the green light to riot by Labour.

    I would tend to agree.

    Labour are guilty of the same crime as that bloke with his ‘Who will rid me of this turbulent priest…’

  97. 97
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    Ah, right, so this MP was struggling to have a daily meal? How many houses does he have to keep warm? Has he lost his home? Has he lost his job (oh…wait, ignore that last question).

    Perhaps he was angry because violent crime is on the rise?

  98. 98
    Anonymous says:

    It’s the way I head butt ‘em

  99. 99
    we scots are big dicks says:

    I object to that comment.

  100. 100
    Palf says:

    Eric Joyce MP,
    Palace of Westminster,
    London SW1A 1AA

    That’ll get to him.

  101. 101
    Coiled Spring says:

    Two London businessmen were sitting down for a break in their
    soon-to-be new store.

    As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said
    to the other, “I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk
    by, put his face to the window and ask what we’re selling.”

    No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious
    Yorkshireman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Yorkshire
    accent asked “What’s tha sellin’ ere?”

    One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling arse-holes.”

    Without skipping a beat, the Yorkshireman said, “Tha’s doing well …
    Only two left!”

    The moral for Southerners – Don’t mess with Yorkshiremen!!!

  102. 102
    Sres says:

    What cuts?

  103. 103
    annette curton says:

    You never know what might send some people off.

  104. 104
    Only in the Graun says:

    and ‘points’ plural, obviously.

  105. 105
    Only in the Graun says:

    not to mention ‘are they?’.

  106. 106
    jgm2 says:

    Sadly his life is far from over.

    The nasty c*unt.

    Right now he’ll be getting lawyered up. Pressure will be being put on the Labour witnesses to have amnesia or an Arsene Wenger moment. Then Labour will try and present this as a partisan attack on an honest consituency MP. Then they’ll be unnattributed allegations that something rude was said about Scots or the disabled or tourettes or something else that caused this normally mild-mannered, hardworking constituency MP to challenge the sp*eaker so robustly.

    This is Labour you’re dealing with. worse than that – Scottish Labour. they’re fucking gangsters which is why Scotland is so fucked up. Look at the cocaine-snorting, fuck-up, Leader-of-the-council-in-waiting they managed to cover up in Glasgow.

    This is just the tip of the fucking iceberg with these c*unts.

  107. 107
    What a gay day. says:

    Is head butting a Tory gayer a parliamentary privilege?

  108. 108
    The Dirty Rat says:

    The cu*t may not be able to handle his booze but he sure is clever at handling our money.
    In 2009, it emerged he was Britain’s most expensive member of Parliament after claiming £187,334 in expenses in 2007/08.

    Last year, he became the first MP to claim more than £200,000 in expenses in one year.

  109. 109
    Hang The Bastards says:

    He was just doing his job, representing his constituents…….. by getting pissed, acting irrational and attacking innocent bystanders.

    Exactly what you would expect from someone representing Glasgow scum.

  110. 110
    jgm2 says:

    Another one for you..


    Former Labour MSP Mike Watson has been sentenced to 16 months in prison for starting a fire which endangered lives at an Edinburgh hotel last November.

    I’ve seen the CCTV footage. The c*unt set fire to the curtains. It wasn’t a dr*unken accident.

  111. 111
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    He’d have to get past her ego first.

  112. 112
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Really? Would you shake hands with someone who had deliberately rendered you unconscious??

    I bloody wouldn’t.

  113. 113
    jgm2 says:


  114. 114
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Typical shite article from White. Cant bring himself to voice disgust at the nasty leftie bastard

  115. 115
    jgm2 says:

    I wholly endorse this comment.

  116. 116
    JH says:

    Ah yes, a sustained and vicious drunken assault on semi-random individuals in front of Police officers is all part of the hail-fellow-well-met drink-spiced mellow atmosphere of Westminster bars according to Sir White. I wonder what his line had been if the attacker happened to have been a Tory? Too easy.

    Only other allusion to what occured is a tiny link below saying ‘MP Eric Joyce reportedly arrested on suspicion of assault’. No, he HAS been arrested, at the very least for ABH.

    Oily fuckers.

  117. 117
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Time to call Rent-a-Crowd.

    Always good for a headline.

  118. 118
    HM The Queen says:

    Must be a right Chav with a name like Eric.

  119. 119
    RED LABOUR says:






  120. 120
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    …and the irony is, that he could, and we could do nothing about it.

  121. 121
    jgm2 says:

    Pity they weren’t so coy about arresting a T*ry MP on trumped up charges on the say-so of Jacqui Smith.

  122. 122
    Hang The Bastards says:

    They will need to teach this in schools after the jocks go their separate ways

  123. 123
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Well – you just keep on venting your anger like Mr Joyce, and pretty soon you’ll all be up before the beak!

    Happy Days.

  124. 124
    Rh- says:

    no wonder the scots hate the english if they spend all their time hanging around gentlemen’s toilets with a tape measure … or are you george michael incocknito ?

  125. 125
    Handycock No1 Trougher in Parliament says:

    Eric is an amateur. Expenses are not the only way to make money when you are an MP. Why do you think I am Head of planning in Portsmouth as well?


  126. 126
    Anonymous says:

    Have you ever tried he#dbutting a Bouncy Castle? Complete waste of time

  127. 127
    Anonymous says:

    I take it the twat is still banged up then?

  128. 128
    Uncle Monty says:

    Does having an imaginary friend mean that you also have to have misplaced compassion?

  129. 129
    Thick inglish bigoted knuckledragger watch says:

    Except he doesnt represent Glasgow you idiotic twat .

  130. 130
    Falp says:

    Seeing as it is perfectly legal to hang them by the neck until dead, I don’t think a little light headbutting should give cause for concern.

  131. 131
    jgm2 says:

    At present this story is Number 5 on the BBC UK page, Number 2 on their Politics page and about number 10 on the Grauniad website.

    No big deal at all then.

    We’re obviously making a mountain out of a molehill.

  132. 132
    MrAngry61 says:

    Joyce paying a friend out of office supplies budget

  133. 133
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    Keep your hair on sunshine, all i asked for was a bacon butty :-)

  134. 134
    Thick inglish bigoted knuckledragger watch says:

    Likewise what will the bigots on here talk about. Probably turn on each other such is their self loathing.

  135. 135
    annette curton says:

    Met got short memories now?, Damien Green.

  136. 136
    Falkirk voters says:

    If he’s the Labour candidate we’ll elect him again.

  137. 137
    huwwuh says:

    The British Boxing Board of Control consider head butting as a breach of boxing rules. Exception may be given when an MP is on the receiving end.

  138. 138
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    HMP Wormwood Scrubs
    P.O. Box 757
    Du Cane Road
    W12 OAE

  139. 139
    Only in the Graun says:

    Typical Guardian modus operandi this.

    Attempt to defuse a damaging story by putting it in some kind of light-hearted, comic opera setting and pretend it’s all just a bit of old fun.

    Joyce is plainly a thug (like so many in Scottish Labour) but they just can’t bring themselves to face up to the fact.

    Who’s the ‘nasty party’ again.

  140. 140
    Lonely Planet update for Eric Joyce says:

    HMP BARLINNIE Prison Regime Info

    81 Lee Avenue Riddrie Glasgow G33 2QX

    Phone No.
    0141 770 2000

    Governor / Director
    Derek McGill



    Operational Capacity

    Cell Occupancy

    Listener Scheme

    First Night Centre

    Male local, short-term prison.

    On the outskirts of Glasgow, HMP Barlinnie is in an excellent location for a prison being near to the busiest Courts in Scotland and close to the population centre and public transport routes so that visits are readily achieved. The establishment receives prisoners from the courts in the West of Scotland. It retains male remand prisoners and prisoners serving less than 4 year sentences. It allocates suitable prisoners from its convicted population to lower security prisons and manages prisoners serving more than four years or more in the initial phase of their sentence until places become available for them in the long term prisoner system.


    Television (50p per week)

  141. 141
    LibLabCon enemies of the English says:

    All bars in the Westminster Palace of Shit should be closed down.

    Let our glorious leaders lead from the front in their jihad against alcohol.

  142. 142
    Anonymous says:

    Straight to the strangers Barlinnie for him

    Wearing a tartan skirt sans undies will make McHeedbutt very popular

  143. 143
    JH says:

    If you are going to take the taxpayer for £200 grand a year, at least spend a fraction of it on a tie and some disposable razors.

    What shambolic, self-loathing, insidious bastard. He would have gone far in Labour.

  144. 144
    M says:

    Sounds more like Britain under 13 years of a labour government

  145. 145
    Jack says:

    This gump took a swing at a Labour Whip as well

    That sounds like an excellent idea

    No discrimination with him – just knowk all the bastards down…

    Long Live the House of Head Butters and Butt Fuckers

    You are doing us proud

  146. 146
    Only in the Graun says:

    Ah. Frustration and impotence. A heady mixture indeed.

  147. 147
    Armchair twat watch says:

    Black Watch were the first of the allies to cross the Rhein in WW 2 , your not fit to eat their shit you pathetic little twat

  148. 148
    magicdin says:

    Just a storm in a pint glass
    What annoyed Eric was that it was Stewart’s turn to get the drinks in
    What he actually shouted was “Not enough fucking Tories AT the bar”

  149. 149
    Jack says:


    The first man to charge £1 million in Parliamentary expenses

    Trougher in Chief

    And he continues…

  150. 150
    Labour Whip says:

    You have to be a head butter or a butt fucker to get adopted as a Labour candidate nowadays…

  151. 151
    MP Scum says:

    The old bill should have tazered the cnut – then clubbed him senseless.

  152. 152
    the beast of the trossachs says:

    straight to the strangers barlinnie for him

    His victim ould take out an injuncction to keep him away from his place of work

  153. 153
    Maggie Thatcher says:

    Rejoyce at the news.

  154. 154
    Hang The Bastards says:

    So its Falkirk, same shithole within a stonesthrow of Glasgow. Who gives a toss !

    However in the interest of correctness I withdraw the last sentance of my original post and instead will replace it by:

    “Exactly what you would expect from someone representing Falkirk scum”

    Thats Better !

  155. 155
    M says:

    Has anyone done the Harry Hill gag
    Fight fight fight fight , yet

  156. 156
    jgm2 says:

    I think that as a Labour MP it’s fair to assume that he’s pre-senseless.

  157. 157
    jgm2 says:

    Another one with a Mel Gibson video.

  158. 158
    Only in the Graun says:

    Honestly. Anyone would think Scottish Labour is full of criminal mental cases.

    Say it aint so.

  159. 159
    Labour Whip says:

    He should hire Max Clifford

    He will create a superb second career for him

    He might even Cum Dansing

    After all the awful Cole woman made a splash lamping a barmaid before she became a “celebrity”

  160. 160
    This is what corruption looks like says:

    Cronyism its in their Genes, they cant help themselves. Best bit about this video is the look of disbelief on Joyces face when the Beeboid goes off message and gives him a good going over. Remember this is the Labour infested BBC Scotland and such events are a rarity I can tell you.

  161. 161
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    But could eight police officers be viewed as reliable witnesses?

  162. 162
    Anonymous says:

    Probably pis**d more likely.Would love to know what the 8 coppers put in their statements;probably something like “my attention was directed elsewhere at the time & I did not witness any of the incident”.

  163. 163
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    The Scots will always give us sufficient to chew on, avoiding the need for internal strife, or indeed, self loathing.

  164. 164
    Spartacus says:

    that is clearly an affray. in the normal way the filth will go for affray. since the blair reign of terror, it is now up to you to prov your innocence. it is a big bust and they want to keep their bloated officer numbers up.

    can you imagine such a thing in a hospital – affray.

    btw the sentence for affray for the general public is 2 to 5 yrs.

    and yes i have first hand knowledge of affray – much less violent than what this sounds like, as a witness.

  165. 165
    annette curton says:

    It does beg the question as to why the people of this country are supposed to continue subsidising a drunken thug to the tune of £65,000 a year plus an additional £200,000 in expenses, there are plenty of people around where I live that will happily kick your door down for nothing.

  166. 166
    The ghost of Frank Carson says:

    There was a scotsman up on a charge of having sex with a cat.

    But he was acquitted, as the judge had never heard of a scotsman putting anything in a kitty.

  167. 167
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    This is getting better and better…..:0)))

  168. 168
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Getting pished and beating up Tories will make him a folk-hero in Falkirk. It’s what every self-respecting Jock dreams about.

  169. 169
    jgm2 says:

    Not compared to the word of an honourable MP I wouldn’t have thought.

    I’ll be amazed if he doesn’t emerge from this smelling of roses. He’ll allege that it was all the Tories fault for taking the p155 out of his accent or something and so he was goaded into retaliation. All the Labour witnesses will have been ‘unsighted’, ‘in the toilet’, ‘looking the other way’, ‘heard nothing’. The b*r staff will be threatened with a P45 if they say anything and the police will be left with half a dozen T*ry witnesses.

    Labour will then claim it’s all a partisan put-up job.

    Just you watch.

  170. 170
    Thick inglish knuckledragger watch says:

    Theres no need to explain yourself an idiot is not responsible for the shit that comes out of their mouths. Please seek help.

  171. 171
    jgm2 says:

    Indeed. If Labour doesn’t put him on their ticket and Joyce stands as an independent then, with a CV like that, he’ll split the vote and the S&P will walk it.

  172. 172
    Necronomicon says:

    Fat Abbott is a Hackney MP so she probably rolls in gangs. Before you know it there’d be subsidised shankings, honour killings and turf wars inside the Commons.

  173. 173
    Falkirk Scum says:

    Bit of a generalisation there I would say. Some of us have a bath before we we go for our nightly punch up.

  174. 174
    the good ones always get repeated says:

    There was a scotsman up on a charge of having sex with a cat.

    But he was acquitted, as the judge had never heard of a scotsman putting anything in a kitty.

  175. 175
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Yeah. Good planning, that. The peacetime job of a Basket-weaver is not too arduous, so he could top -up his education at Army expense then create a scene and bugger off. He’s Labour material alright. The cry, “There’s too many xxxx round here” as the commencement of inter-unit rivalry has been heard in NAAFI’s the world over. Sounds like Private Joyce surfaced for a moment there and didn’t know where he was.

  176. 176
    Do to them what they do to us says:

    Obviously Alcohol is at the root of this anti social behaviour. Can I suggest a minimum pricing for Alcohol which is served in parliamentary bars.
    Perhaps something around £10 a pint which is not tax deductable and which cannot be subsidised out if the public purse would do for starters.

  177. 177
    Knob Jockey says:

    Let’s have some more celebrity head butting

    Like this

    All Joyce needs is a good publicist and he will make a fortune

  178. 178
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    …and the other 200-odd of them.

  179. 179
    Falkirk Bairn says:

    we dont leave them standing up here, he’s a wimp, he should a given him the falkirk wheel rather than the glasgow kiss.

  180. 180
    Hannibal from Carthage says:

    So that is Joyce ,Dromey J , Dromey H , Abbott, Balls E and Balls Y Burnell A who have all done things in this Parliament for which they should have resigned

    Also the following would have resigned if they were honourable

    Reckless M, Osborne G , Fox, May Laws Cable Kennedy and Huhn.

    Plus do not forget Woolas.

    I have probably missed a few others but to have 15 out of 650 publicly discredited in under 2 years with no election seemingly in sight until 2015 is a little worrying and perhaps a good reason for any remaining law abiding taxpayer to skip the country quickly.

  181. 181
    Harry hill says:

    Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight

  182. 182
    The Ghost of Benny Hill says:

    What was his name? Claud Balls?

  183. 183
    jgm2 says:

    It’s certainly grounds for paying as little tax as possible.

    Why would you put your money in the hands of such a bunch of thugs, delinquents, incompetents and fraudsters I don’t know.

  184. 184
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    There is nothing to fucking rejoice about you silly cow.

    CICB claim forms are now being filled in all over Westminster.

    As well as bringing the country into international disrepute it is going to cost us a bleedin fortune.

    Oh and how many police officers does it take these days to change a lightbulb?


  185. 185
    Coiled Spring says:

    It looks like SNP are going to gain again once this alleged thug is sacked.

  186. 186
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Yes, but the modern BW are about 30% polynesian islanders to make up the numbers – the Highland Regt. or is it still a Brigade? has a good rugby team though.

  187. 187
    Only in the Graun says:

    The BBC/Gruaniad line: –

    It is precisely because of the cuts and NHS reforms that poor Mr Joyce became so angy. His frustration is completely understandable. Although his actions were somewhat regrettable, he has in some small way struck a blow against the Troy-led coalition for all of the 99%.

    Hasn’t Ed Milliband already said as much?

  188. 188
    stun says:

    * Humming Moonpig dot com *

  189. 189
    Only in the Graun says:

    Although the dead-tree edition is on its knees, the Graun website is apparently the fifth most read English-language news site in the world. Go figure!

  190. 190
    ..Silicon Implant!! says:

    To be fair, it does look rather like they shoved his head through a window… err… like he fell over and hit his head… or something…

  191. 191
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    I know it takes a lot of police officers to restrain a fighting-drunk Scotsman. And what’s with this ,”us”‘ bit? I thought you’d gone native in the EUSSR, home of 400,000,000 disenfranchised slaves.

  192. 192
    Anonymous says:

    nae chance jimmy, labour heid the bae gets intae Tory eejit – miraculous poll recovery in Scotland for Millibrand

  193. 193

    I would spеak up in defence of Henry II, one of our finest kings. The disagreement with Beckett started off when the latter refused to allow one of his clerics, who had been found guilty of rape and murder, from being punished in the lay court. Just imagine the fuss it would create if the Druid tried the same trick.

    The king paid public penance for his loose words. Labour’s words are premeditated.

  194. 194
    joescotus says:

    any cctv footage or did it get wiped

  195. 195
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    It will be interesting to see if they report it on the 6 O’clock or 10 O’clock News. Don’t hold your breath though.

  196. 196
    Lindashoequeen says:

    And these people run our country. God help us.

  197. 197
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    Quite. Is he deliberately trying to look like a tramp or is he just too bone idle to maintain his appearance?

  198. 198
    ron Vibentrop says:

    Out of control.








    Sounds just like Gordon Brown.

  199. 199
    the beast of the trossachs says:

    you can add criminal damage as he also smashed a window

  200. 200
    Joe the Plumber says:

    As the Strange people’s bar has been described as “London’s best Gay Bar”, is it possible that this was a dispute over the education of a young gentleman?

  201. 201
    the beast of the trossachs says:


    looking good
    FOR US!

  202. 202
    Frank Carson says:

    It’s the way he fells ‘em

  203. 203
    Sir Barnabas Scudamore says:

    You beat me too it…..and this guy was a Major ?hmmmmmm has anyone ever actually checked his background…..

    Labour must NEVER be allowed to form Her Majesty’s Government again….NEVER.

  204. 204
    Adam from Antrim says:

    Apart from those errors, it was an excellent sentence.

  205. 205
    Nick says:

    Fix the potholes in my (British) road first.

  206. 206
    Nick says:

    Labour will blame Thatcher.

  207. 207
    An alcoholic says:

    I don’t go around punching people I don’t like.

    Yours, hoping to pop off this mortal coil soon.

  208. 208
    Bobs crow says:

    Its Fatcher

  209. 209
    pigs in space says:

    £200k a year in expenses, and he’s been an MP for 10 years

  210. 210
    GlobalGaz says:

    Multiple charges SHOULD BE brought upon him….an embarrassment to The UK, HRH and the people he supposedly represents.

    And all of this in front of representatives of the Canadian parliament!?

    And to boot, he is the biggest claimant of ‘expenses’.

    What a prize tool. Perfect Poster Boy for Labour and all it stands for.

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