February 23rd, 2012

Eye-Witness Account : Eric Joyce Punch-Up

From a co-conspirator:

“I was in strangers bar last night and saw the fight first hand.

I don’t know who threw the first punch, or why it happened, but I first noticed something had happened when Conservative MP Alec Shelbrooke was trying to restrain Eric Joyce shouting “YOU DO NOT DO THAT TO AN MP IN THIS HOUSE!”. Others then tried to drag Eric away from everyone else.

Eric continued to struggle and broke away from those who were holding him back. A couple of people got punched, tables got knocked over, drinks spilt, and glasses broken. A Conservative female MP then put herself in between Eric and the people he was after shouting “PUNCH ME BEFORE YOU PUNCH MY STAFF!” Yet Eric continued to struggle.

A couple of people managed to hold him down on the ground until the police arrived, who cuffed him and took him away. The security informed us while they were taking statements and names that it took them so long to get there as they went to the Sports and Social bar first.”

Seems about right…


  1. 1
    Truth says:

    The left show that they are the real nasty party.


    • 3
      What's Left? says:

      Punch Drunk


      • 26

        No butts, it’s got to be butter.


        • 33
          Norfolk's Finest says:

          Obviously someone is trying to pick up Prescott’s mantle (another one who is alleged to have thrown punches in the Commons).

          Can’t wait for the Taiwanese computer animation of the incident.


          • Some Geezer wot's seen it on YouTube but can't be arsed to link it right now says:

            The Taiwanese have been known to fight within the Chamber of their Parliament– have you never seen any of those videos on the news? (They’ll usually show up on a slow news day when there’s not much else going on.) At least the UK MP’s have the “Common” decency to wait and have it out in the pub later.


        • 73
          Rage Against the Political Elite. says:

          Couldn’t knock the skin off a rice pudding. ha ha ha.
          The cut in expenses has got them all depressed and no doubt they will have picked up on the drink. ha ha ha.
          Once the Greek default becomes a British default then we will see a lot more of them getting pissed. Osboom Cut the TAXES and save the economy, Put them up as you have done and you will FU-K IT.


      • 88
        Alec shelbrooke says:

        Fools to the left of me strangers to the right here i am stuck in the middle with you

        How does ” strangers in the night ” go


    • 4
      Andrew says:

      I fear drink speaks all languages, those of the Left, the Right, and the Centre.

      Anything known about the Member who got butted?


    • 8
      Beavis & Butthead says:

      He certainly is Head Butt


    • 13
      Wild Oscar says:

      I wonder if he’ll try to claim more Air Miles in clink?


    • 39
      Security says:

      You mean the plod went for a drink at the sports and social bar first?

      I am rather puzzled that a building that is probably the most secure in the country does not have its own security staff. Ok this time it was just a mad jock taking it out on a Tory gayer but worse things could happen.


      • 118
        Cynical-old-bag says:

        It does have it’s own security staff.

        They’re called The Plod, and they can be seen patrolling around and about the building – when they’re not in the Sports and Social Bar, that is.


        • 143
          Keystone Cops says:

          They aren’t very good at their job though. They need to go on a plodding refresher course. Remember that plod who could not catch the pieman?


          • Maximus says:

            Maybe they have a tacit policy of not interfering while there is the remotest chance the troughers might eliminate each other.


      • 191
        The Ghost of NOTW says:

        Allo Allo

        What ave we here?

        Jock Strap butts Gay Man

        Sounds like a case for Inspector Hacker of the Yard


    • 47
      Selohesra says:

      EM – Joyce’s strike was wrong whilst negotiations were still going on – but the other chap had been acting in a reckless and provocative manner


      • 174
        Cynical-old-bag says:

        ……. but the other chap had been acting in a reckless and provocative manner…..

        So that’s grounds for Assault, is it?


    • 63
      anon says:

      Can someone with time on their hands do a breakdown of Mps/Lords/Councillors arrested/convicted/summonsed for any offences and particularly violence, by party and do a nice bar chart. I think it would prove that the caring sharing socialists are the Nasty Party. To take this even further, party supporters arrested and those in a political capacity who advocate killing/hanging/blinding their opposition. A great project for an intern/wonk/journalist!


    • 145
      Airey Belvoir says:

      I bet the old bruiser is quaking in his boots at the prospect of a ticking off from his Party Leader; “Now look here Ewic, thith ith abtholutely unaccthepatbl” – THUMP!


    • 149
      AC1 says:

      Were there any Tory Cuts (and Bruises)?


  2. 2
    smoggie says:

    Jail bait?


  3. 5
    Black Cab says:

    ID of brave Tory woman MP awaited by all journos everywhere. And me.


  4. 6
    punchy says:

    Paul Waugh seemed to point to Jackie-Doyle Price being the female MP or have you not named her deliberately?


  5. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Stitch up


  6. 9
    tottenham chutzpah says:

    So Dave was right – severe measures (doubles perhaps?) need to be taken to deal with alcohol-related crime.

    And these things begin at home!

    As for binge-politicking….. well….


    • 45
      last orders please says:

      The minimum of price of alcohol certainly needs to be raised in that bar…


      • 195
        Lord Stansted says:

        Indeed. And these bastard politicians have the nerve to accuse the lower order of drinking too much. The Education Corps can’t hold their drink.


      • 197
        Lady Di O'Hacknee says:

        We’ll just chuck it on our essential expenses.


      • 212
        Rottweiler Ron says:

        Call Me Dave is going to make the alcohol weaker – they’ll just have to drink more to get pissed. No fun having a punch-up if you’re stone cold sober.


  7. 10
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Chuka Umunna…. no comment.


  8. 11
    JH says:

    The seething venom of the left bubbles through again.

    They are so correct, they should be allowed to do anything to get their way.


    • 29
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      Connect this with Gleikgate. In both cases, criminal behaviour is justified because the targets are evil and the Leftie cause is pure. Hypocritical losers, it’s all that the Left know.


  9. 12
    Anonymous says:

    What a bunch of yobs, sounds like the sort of Friday night antics they all look down their noses at when it happens in other places.


  10. 14
    Show Biz for ugly people says:

    Thanks for that Guido

    This is of course absolutely the first place I’d visit to get an impartial view on what happened lat night.


    • 44
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      If you are concerned about impartiality, attend the Magistrates Court for the arraignment. Alternatively, you could go to any Lefty blog. I’m sure they will all be covering the story in their usual disinterested and non-judgemental fashion.


      • 133
        JH says:


        This blog is a fuck sight more impartial than the lines-to-take dissemination engines that pass as Labour’s ‘online presence’.

        When a Tory fucks up, the first/best place to hear about it is often right here. You would never get the equivalent from the other gang, whatever the pitiful little troll wannabe above spunks onto their keyboard.


    • 147
      The General Public says:

      It’s a blog, dickhead. Go and tick boxes somewhere else.


      • 160
        Show Biz for ugly people says:

        It was a joke FFS, of course I don’t come here for impartiality or for anything approaching the ‘truth’

        It is a laugh watching you lot wank on about the evil of the left whilst the ‘right’ are fucking us all over and continuing on NuLab’s work.

        They’re all wankers, but for some reason some (not all) of the commenters here are partisan pricks on here who imagine otherwise. If it was a Tory who’d done this there’d be hundreds of posts bleating on about how the Labour MP deserved it etc etc.


  11. 15
    T Durden says:

    The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club.


  12. 17
    4 Fists Good, 2 Fists Bad says:

    ……… loving that lesson in equality delivered by the female MP. Good work.

    She should be named and praised……….


    • 141
      token scot on the site says:

      with the attitude she showed there, had he touched her … she would probably have ripped his scrotum off and worn it as a hat!


  13. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Ah! We are all in it together with our ‘staff’ enjoying the subsidised drinks in the Strangers bar……

    Would be good to hear from Eric why he thought it appropriate to settle a dispute by slugging it out – unimpressive (albeit without Eric’s side of the story)


  14. 20
    smoggie says:

    In most jobs if you raise a fist it means INSTANT DISMISSAL.

    Will be interested to see how this one is dealt with because I am fairly certain that this type of behaviour is not “within the rules”. Not even the rules of the Marquess of Queensbury.


  15. 21

    Hang him and display his corpse on Westminster Bridge pour encourager les autres.


  16. 22
    Potty Pain says:

    So again Ed Miliband is betrayed by a traitor, after his knock out win at Pmqs (4th week in a row) some tory plant takes the news away from Camerons weakness and puts it on a little fistecuffs


    • 42
      Black Cab says:



    • 78
      I don't need no doctor says:

      You only see what you want to see.


      • 130
        BobbyVajazzler says:

        I see… So a tory plant held onto Joyce’s arm and drove it into people, and pushed the back of his head while he loudly protested, and jammed it into someone else’s face. That sounds very likely. I suppose they also forced him to drink the alcohol he’d had earlier in the evening, hmmm?


  17. 23
  18. 24
    Do As I Do says:

    Perhaps its time for the MPs to lead by example and shut this subsidised drinking den down. After all, they keep telling us how binge drinking (on cheap booze) is the root of all evil in our society. Who wouldn’t prefer their elected members spending the evening sober and doing worthy activities instead of boozing and brawling at our expense?


  19. 25
    Ha Ha says:


  20. 27
    Retired Major says:

    He may have been an officer but he is no gentleman.


    • 53
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      He was in the Army Education Corps. That counts as a trade, I think.


      • 167
        jacky Treehorn says:

        Now it makes sense,I could never work that one out.How could an ex Soldier be a Labour MP? I believe the Military to be an honourable institution and could never work out how that tw@ could have been a member of said. Those that can, do those that can’t,teach. It was the same when I read that Billy Bragg had been in the Army,in the Army for six weeks until he bought himself out that is. k.


  21. 28
    Josiah Bartlett says:


    Er, surely you don’t punch anyone, anywhere?


  22. 30
    Hercule Poirot says:


    You really need me to investigate this heinous un English crime…

    And ytou know that the English noddies will always go to the wrong bar, hoping that the mess will be all over before they arrive…

    A ta santé….


  23. 34
    Florence Nightingale says:

    Who was the Female Conservative MP ?

    She deserves the Victorious Cross in the face of the onslaught of the heathen Scotch…

    Or at least a mention in despatches (Totty Watch)



  24. 36
    Draw! says:


  25. 43
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Why bother with debates?

    They could just go to Strangers Bar and fight each other to the death.

    Now there’s a thought……


  26. 46
    A feminist says:

    Who was the female Conservative MP please ?

    Shurely she desherves a mention in despatches (Totty Watch)


  27. 51
    Jim'll Fix It! says:

    Punch, kick, every trip (to the bar).


  28. 54
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Is Chuka Ummuna to replace Ed Miliband, or has he already done so. Ummuna seems to be wheeled out in front of the media more than Miliband. Is it because Miliband comes over as such a gorm, and Ummuna is the more acceptable face of labour. Ummuna as the £1,500 suit spokesman stands for what labour as become.


    • 89
      low resolution fox says:

      Worryingly he is probably their only electable media face. Not a big fan but I could see the media/obama/suave image he has is the closest they’ve had since Blair to a rightful heir, Dave Miliband could do it in certain circumstances (‘saving’ the party at the last minute) but has probably already been tarnished as a loser


    • 199
      Lady Di O'Hacknee says:

      In those extremely expensive hand made togs, surely he is their bespoke(s) man?


  29. 55
    Loungelizard says:

    Sports and Socialist Bar first.? I see PratNav was fully operational on the night in question.


  30. 56
    Dixon of Dock Green says:

    Can you put his indentification number under his mugshot please Guido

    Just for me records


  31. 57
    A Guardianista says:


  32. 62
    Gordon Brown says:

    Hold me back


  33. 66
    Scotch Labour Chieftain says:

    I dont’ know why you get so worked up about this

    We choose our candidates according to their capacity to head butt…


  34. 71
    Sophie says:

    An extra £51 million pounds borrowed from the Chinese to give away to Somalia announced today.

    That Cameron is as bad as Brown for frittering away British taxpayers money on vanity projects.

    Cameron out, Blue Labour out.

    Vote UKIP.


  35. 74
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    Should be some more fun and games when the boundary changes come in. Liebore MPs will be punching each other, over the dwindling number of safe Liebore seats.

    Possible 2 by-elections to come as well. Eastleigh a Conservative gain, Falkirk an SNP gain.

    What larks.

    Get the popcorn in :-)


  36. 75
    HM Queen, waving serenely from one of her palaces as the country is radically transformed says:

    Munter alert!! – http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Society/Pix/pictures/2009/3/31/1238509773633/Cynthia-Bower-chief-execu-002.jpg


  37. 83
    Anonymous says:

    Is it too late to get thuggery included as an Olympic sport? It looks like we have the chance of gold, silver and bronze here


  38. 84
    Tony Blair says:

    I wonder if he refused to give a breath test this time


  39. 86
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Who am I?
    I wear £1,500 suits.
    I talk absolute bollocks.
    I’m black.
    I have a big chip on my shoulder.
    I lie easily.
    Any guesses?


  40. 87
    Eric says:


  41. 94
    simon says:

    we will see if bercow bans this shit from parliament for a considerable time


  42. 96
    How the BBC reports it says:

    An MP did a naughty thing last night.

    But anyway back to those nasty Tories and their cuts, cuts cuts.

    Gordon Brown, bring back Gordon Brown.

    Ed Balls, we love


  43. 97
    annette curton says:

    Off at a slight tangent but the ‘security’ in the HOC seems akin to a Dads Army, if I was an MP I would have serious concerns, but be that on themselves, next time it could be someone sneaking in with an accelerant (nasty bomb).


  44. 98
  45. 99
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    The sad outcome of all this is that his majority in his Falkirk constituency will likely rise considerably.


  46. 106
    The Paragnostic says:

    Any truth in the rumour that Derek Chisora is looking for a safe Labour seat in Liverpool?


  47. 107
    Andrew Lansley says:

    I would like to thank Eric Joyce for diverting press attention away from me.


  48. 111
    DCI Prescott says:

    At least he was wearing a jacket during the fracas


    • 142
      annette curton says:

      Shut yer mouth slag! and get me another whole roasted ox, the word on the street is some thing’s going down in Cleethorpes tonight, get the siren and the blue flashing light going, where too boss?…Mr Woos.


  49. 112
    Anon E Mouse says:

    Interesting comment “YOU DO NOT DO THAT TO AN MP IN THIS HOUSE”. Does that mean that they can punch someone that isn’t an MP ?


  50. 115
    Chris1966 says:

    I blame the availabilityof cheap alcohol, if prices were higher this sort of thing wouldn’t happen


  51. 116
    Dave the Rave has lost the plot says:

    I have lost my grip


  52. 124
    nellnewman says:

    Am I right in thinking that if he gets convicted of assault and given a prison sentence he will have to resign his seat?


  53. 125
    Sophie says:

    Immigration at a record high.

    Seems like it was not only Labour that want to ethnically cleanes the British from their own land.

    Theresa May – just how incompetent are you? Or is this mass immigration actual secret policy?

    Blue Labour out.


    • 150
      Con / Dem / Lab - we are one says:


      Utter wankers – this is deliberate policy from Dave.


    • 196
      The Golem says:

      +1 Unrestricted immigration ensures a socialist “paradise” not only past and present, but also in the future. Dave and his team are not working for us.


    • 204
      On immigration, Billy Bragg and the CBI both sing from the same song sheet. says:

      But the right also want to flood Britain with endless immigration. If employers could get their way, they’d happily turn the whole country into one great big migrant worker’s camp, just so long as it supplied them with cheap/free labour – consequences for the rest of the country be damned.

      Left and right ideologues are both at war with European indigenous peoples
      not wanting to be ethnically replaced.


  54. 132
    God says:

    I despair of those elected to “rule” when they start fighting in a bar! I understand that the bar is subsidised by the hard-pressed taxpayer – why? Why also is there a bar in the “workplace” of MPs? Lowlife scum like Joyce obviously cannot handle the subsidised booze!


  55. 140
    tube_thumper says:

    What were david haye and derek chisora doing the the strangers bar anyway


  56. 144
    Drop a Daisy cutter on Cameron says:

    To criticise No10’s staff & processes is to criticise the architect and leader of them – Mr Cameron.

    The evidence is that he is all about presentation, not substance and that he fails to make strategic decisiions and simply waits until events force him down a particular path.

    Look @ the Andy Coulson affair – plenty of warnings, plenty of evidence of what Coulson was and the risk Cameron took in appointing him. Indeed the security vettings normally required for this post were set aside by rewriting the job description precisely because the judgement was Coulson would fail the vetting.

    Look @ the Liam Fox affair – Fox’s links in the USA, Sri Lanka etc were all well known – his connections to the Israelis too – yet Cameron apppointed him and carried on backing him until the train hit the buffers. Fox ran a parallel foreign policy and managed the MoD to ensure it dovetailed with his NeoCon friends’ plans in the US – Cameron did nothing to rein him in until the scandal got so loud Fox had to go.

    Take the University fees debacle. Willis devised the most ludicrous, Byzantine system of university finance which is bound to cause not only complete alientation of the student & parent vote, but is also likely to lead to the collapse of entire universities. This timebomb is ticking and Cameron is doing nothing to stop it going off either later this year, or the next.

    Caroline Spellman is another loose cannon – woodland privatisation went down in the shires like a lead balloon forcing an embarrassing climbdown at the last minute – planning deregulation looks to be going the same way.

    What about the crank politics behind “free schools”? Diverting massive amountd of funding away from the mainstream school system to fund nutters motivated by religious bigotry, new age mumbojumbo or reactionary public school mentalities? Another libertarian delusion which can only result in those seeing their hard pressed local schools robbed of resources taking a very dim view of it all.

    Then there’s the egotisical Theresa May – claiming to give orders to the police which she did not have the power to do anyway, who also claims the failures of the border agency in controlling entry to the UK was entirely down to its managers, when she knew it was literally impossible to provide 24/7 coverage because they did not have the resources to do this.

    Now consider Lansley – a doctrinaire libertarian who has plotted to marketise the NHS for a decade, despite the personal promise of Cameron not a engage in yet another top-down reorganisation of the NHS. Cameron has simply been asleep on this for months, leaving him to propose what was in effect the first step in the privatisation of the NHS – turning GPs into proxy health consumers buying healthcare in an open market on behalf of their patients. Politically sensitive issues flowing from this – e.g. a wave of NHS hospital closures which would follow, were completely ignored. THe row has resulted in amendment after amendment and a dog’s dinner of a new system which is neither one thing or the other.

    The role Osborne plays in propping Cameron up reveals just how weak he is – his personal attacks on Miliband @ PMQs are getting ever more shrill and come over as bullying, not political debate. gone is the claim to want PMQs to be of value to the public – yaboo name calling is his only strategy now. Osborne is teetering on the brink of causing a double dip recession in the UK, ignoring all received wisdom about taking massive amounts of aggregate demand out of the economy in its weakened state against the backdrop of the EZ crisis.

    What of Cameron’s own performance over the EZ? A pointless veto to keep the Tory Party together, followed by a complete climbdown which hegated the veto completely. “Chamberlain also placated rightwing politics in the 1930s waving his pointless piece of paper claiming “Peace in Our Time” – Cameron’s similarly pointless veto was to deliver “Peace in Our Party.”

    The picture is now clear – a doctrinaire leader whose mishmash of libertarin, neocassical economics straight out of Hayek’s 19th C diatribes against the wickedness of the state are irrelevant and unworkable in the 21st century. A man who lacks judgement, who is too weak in the face of failure to intervene, who hides behind a stream of vitriol to provide cover for his government’s failing policies.


    • 169
      punch a poof says:

      but at least he’s a gentleman – takes his weight on his elbows, big fan of gay marriage.

      that sort of thing


    • 173
      The Paragnostic says:

      What a lot of words!

      Some of them were spelt correctly, too.

      What you fail to realise is that whether it is the 19th century or the 21st, the state is a necessary evil and Hayek’s economics are still more valid than Keynsian ponzi schemes.

      Still, maybe one day you will grow up and see socialism for the evil that it is.


    • 177
      Golly says:

      Yes Mr Cameron, you can stay in the room with the rest of us as long as you keep your gob shut.

      If you talk polite bollocks to the Press afterwards we will say nice things to the Press about you


    • 180
      Black Cab says:

      Sorry – didn’t quite catch that.


    • 193
      the defenestrator says:

      Too long, didn’t read but I guess you have yet to be introduced to internet porn


    • 206
      Old Blue Eyes says:

      Would you like to tell me what the hell all this has got to do with some headbanger Scottish MP getting arrested for drunken loutish behaviour?


  57. 152
    Little John says:

    “Members will be aware of reports of a serious incident in the House last night. I have been informed by the Serjeant at Arms that the honourable member for Falkirk has been detained in police custody.

    “The matter is being investigated. I take this matter very seriously, as do the House authorities.”



  58. 154
    Nelson's Eye says:

    ” Government considers banning the sales of cheap drink to reduce alcohol fuelled violence and diseases”

    Except of course subsidised drink in the bars of the Houses of Parliment!

    Where to start that’s the problem ?


  59. 155

    China. Just about the only place in the world where you can find capitalism flourishing under its communist rulers.

    Peterborough. Where you can find communism flourishing under its Conservative council.

    No wonder the world is fucked.


  60. 156
    Labour Spin Dept says:

    Er, line to take on this… cannot be condoned of course but intolerable provocation from Tories in bar….sincerely regrets… will attend anger management course…incident stemmed from his passionate views on damage Tories are doing to his constituents…cares deeply….cuts….zzzzzzzzzzzz


  61. 161
    Jack says:



    “Some politicians, and many amongst the Scottish middle class establishment, seem determined to present Scotland as full of drunks. They say ‘we’ but usually mean ‘them’: the less well-off. So, everyone else in the UK and quite a few people around the world, if you look at the links, are laughing at the Scots.

    It’s hard to swallow.”

    Oh yes we are laughing at your pure stupidity and unworthness to be an MP


  62. 170
    fred block says:

    diane flabbott should have stood between them. Hadrian wall has nothing on her…she’s going to do a british version of big mamma,its going to be called king mamma MP…


  63. 175
    diane abbott says:

    White trash!


  64. 178
    Screwed taxpayer. says:

    Why are there any bars at all in the H of P ? How are MP’s and Lords allowed to legislate when they are pissed. It is disgraceful. Clean the place up Dave — if you’ve got the bxllux —- ban drink on site — like the factories in which a few remaining serfs still labor away to pay for these bxstxrds.


  65. 183
    Jonny S says:

    S t e r o i d s seem to be everywhere these days.


  66. 189
    Rab C Nesbitt and Kenny Dalglish says:

    Yae bunch o’ softie Southerners dinnae ken whit yer talkin aboot. That was just a playful melee.

    Come up to the ‘Pool on derby match day for a real Fistful of Fives or to Sauchiehall St on a Saturday night for an original Glasgow Kiss ( Liquidators permitting ).


  67. 190
    Rab C Nesbitt and Kenny Dalglish says:

    Whit are yaes doin’ moderatin oor comment Guido — d’ya nae ken Gallic ??


  68. 192
    Alex says:

    Headbuttee is “openly gay” (whatever that means). Do we have a hate crime, double time etc?


  69. 207
    Jog On Labour Dogshite says:

    What pathetic retard!


  70. 208
    Winny in a wheelchair says:

    Sports and Social Bar?


  71. 209
    robbie says:

    A very expensive MP to run even when sober. Consistently the most expensive Scottish MP even though he’s based in the part of Scotland with the best access to transportation.

    Falkirk deserves better representation in London than this.


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