February 14th, 2012

Balls’ Midnight Encroachment On His Wife’s Briefs

The number of former and current Labour figures standing wasn’t the only reason Guido was a little surprised to receive a ranty email about Elected Police Commissioners from Ed Balls in the middle of the night. While the news was breaking that Moody’s would downgrade Britain if his Plan B was adopted, Ed decided to tread on his wife’s toes at 12:37am and send out polling data showing that Labour members don’t like the move. Curiouser and curiouser.

Yvette tried her hardest but failed, to halt Elected Police Commissioners as Shadow Home Secretary. Since they became a reality, the Party have been recruiting candidates:

“Ahead of the elections next November, Labour wants to hear from a diverse range of candidates, from all walks of life, who are interested in becoming a Police and Crime Commissioner in the area in which they live.”

Guido understands that Labour’s official position is to still oppose the Elected Commissioners, though they accept that there is nothing they can do until after the next election. The Shadow Home Secretary has been rather muted as a result, while a host of Party grandees line up to serve. Yet the Shadow Chancellor isn’t letting it go:

“You want money spent on front line policing to keep our communities safe, and at the very least to save money by holding elections alongside other elections. I completely agree. I’m writing to the Home Secretary Theresa May to ask her to listen to you and reconsider her plans. I’ll be back soon with an update.”

Guido signed up to this list to receive updates about the Ed Balls for Leader campaign, and he is now using that mailing list to stir things well beyond his brief. How odd…


93 Comments

  1. 1
    Ferrets says:

    Balls is on on the march. David back on semce, lasagne gate and this?

    Media grid must be fucked then.

    Like

    • 6
      You were banned for a reason says:

      Shut it, Bíllý, you tedious bore.

      Like

    • 16
      Tooth fairy says:

      What ever happened to that damage he got sued for?

      Like

    • 31
      Spot the Dog with Dirty Balls says:

      yop

      Like

    • 40
      Bobby Peel says:

      There hasa been a very good series on BBC radio 4. “What are the police for?”

      Well it turns out that they are a law unto themselves and have no bearing on Sir Robert Peel’s original intentions any more. They have moved outside political control and have basically set up the largest social worker organisation in the land and no one has been able to stop them. The government is right to bring in elected top bobbies as the police force has inviegeled itself into every part of society and has lost all idea of what its role is supposed to be. Instead of asking how they can do more with less money or even the same with less money, it is obvious that they should be doing less with less money and concentrating on their chief role of preventing crime.

      Like

      • 70
        CYNICAL OLD MAN says:

        If the candidates are going to be failed politicians or party political hacks then we may as well not bother. It will end up being another bunch of troughers interfering in the day to day running of the police.

        By the look of things, Labour are already recruiting their placemen/women. I see the recently retired Chief Constable of South Yorkshire Police, Med Hughes – another wishy-washy Common Purpose drone-, has thrown his hat into the ring, standing as the Labour Party candidate. Just shows how politicised policing has become in this country.

        Like

        • 75
          The Paragnostic says:

          That’s Labour’s problem with elected commissioners – the chances of getting their placemen in charge, to push the multi-culti, more laws, more interference in everyone’s lives agenda that Labour cherishes are pretty small – given the chance, most voters will plump for someone who wants to run a leaner and more efficient force that concentrates on stopping crime at source rather than a failed politician.

          The idea that the police could be depoliticised frightens Labour – they see their control of the forces via Common Purpose, ACPO and the Police Federation (not to mention the Black Police whatever) as vital to their goal of buggering up the country and turning us into Britistan as fast as possible.

          Like

          • Sir Robert Peel says:

            What the police need is a trained and introduced ‘officer class’ like the armed services. Until this happens we will have these uneducated, prone to corruption, mainly masonic policemen, rising to the top.

            Like

    • 50
      Balls says:

      I’ve always said ” Not far enough and too slow and i never mentioned plan B ; and as for hardworking families I’ve never met one “

      Like

    • 77
  2. 2
    Grimy Miner says:

    It’s a fair cop, Guv.

    Like

  3. 3
    Encroachment says:

    ‘Encroach’ is not a noun.

    Like

  4. 4
    Mike Litorus says:

    If I were the little ladyboy, I would be more concerned about Ed Balls encroaching *in* my briefs…

    Like

  5. 5
    Ed Miliband says:

    Don’t thay bad thingth about Mr Ballth! He ith my bothh. I do ath he tellth me to.

    Like

  6. 9
    Anonymous says:

    Odd Balled? hasn’t that something to do with freemasons?

    Like

  7. 10
    Ed Miliband says:

    I pwefer wisotto

    Like

  8. 11
    Wacko Browno says:

    You know I’m mad, I’m mad, shamon, you know I’m mad, I’m mad, you know it, you know I’m mad, I’m mad, you know it, you know, and the whole world has to answer right now just to tell you once again: Who’s mad?

    Sarah Macauley is not my lover, she’s just a beard who’s paid to say I am the one, but her kids are not my sons.

    Like

  9. 12
    No thanks says:

    Balls came on the Toady programme this morning. Luckily I was able to make a lightning lunge for the off-switch.

    Like

  10. 13
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’d like to wish you all a happy valentines day.

    Like

    • 17
      Well it's a thought says:

      Ah so that’s why I was getting all those anonymous cards, I thought I had a stalker after me.

      Like

  11. 18

    … while a host of Party grandees line up serve.

    I know I have been away but surely the English language can’t have changed that much. Is this the modern vernacular or some dubious patois?

    Like

  12. 19
    bluebottle says:

    Will you hit me over my head with your big truncheon when I am not looking please.

    Like

  13. 20
    Rh- says:

    Balls: Yvette, what do you want for valentines day?
    Yvette: a good shafting
    Balls: no problem (email sent)

    Like

  14. 22
    Anonymous says:

    The Labour Party are obviously worried that potential Police Commissioners may actually promise and go on to deliver what the people want, an actual Police Force and not an arm of the social services.

    Like

    • 28
      jgm2 says:

      Labour it was who politicesed the Met to the point where they could control at what time and place of their choosing News International got nabbed for phone hacking. And what searching questions would be asked of Tony Blair over ‘cash for honours’. It is only natural to Labour that what should be a non-political appointment of police commissioners is being hi-jacked to cause trouble in T*ry councils and turn a blind eye in Labour councils.

      Tell me that the other political parties are not going to stand by and watch Labour hijack all the police forces as well as the Met.

      Like

    • 35
      Steve Lloyd says:

      Not if they let buffons like fatty Prescott get appointed. Surely the people of Hull are not that! stupid

      Like

    • 60
      Gonk says:

      Quite right.

      Like

  15. 24
    Displaced Brummie. says:

    Let’s say you have twenty rats in a very dark sack and you throw into the sack one piece of meat for each rat, with its own name on its piece of meat.

    The problem is that rats can’t read, so each piece of meat looks like any other piece of meat to a rat. They are also greedy, so will try to take as much of the other rat’s meat as possible.

    The real fun starts when they commence to eat each other. “Rat Balls! Stop gnawing on Rat Cooper’s leg!” That type of thing…

    Like

  16. 30
    Raving Loon says:

    Ed Balls’ “brief” should be to stop being such a Huhne and be quiet.

    Like

  17. 33
    Gordon Brown says:

    I love to encroach on balls.

    Like

  18. 39
    Tony Bliar is really not a nice person says:

    O/T…..What I have never understood is that Balls and his ladyboy of a wife of his were nicknamed Mr and Mrs expenses long before all the MPs were caught out…..My question is why aren’t the pair of hypocritical lying C U N T S not in prison ?…………Silly question i know but hey ho……….

    Like

  19. 43
    smoggie says:

    No nookie tonight for the Shadow Home Secretary’s Shadow then.

    Like

  20. 45
    More Holidays? says:

    Like

  21. 46

    The problem for the two Eds is that there are a lot of unhappy Blairites out there.

    The fact that they are abandoning the leadership is good for party unity, but the downside is that there will be a lot of big names sniping at them from the outside.

    You can see why their Shadow Home Secretary does not like the idea.

    Like

  22. 51
    Fresh and Minty says:

    Step on his missus’ briefs?

    He’s gotta get them off first. No easy matter I would have thought.

    Like

  23. 58
    Nothing gets things whiter says:

    Why does he have that stupid look of satisfaction on his face? Gordo trying to pleasure him?

    Like

  24. 61
    Ed Balls says:

    Like

  25. 62
    Ed "Stand By Your Woman" Balls says:

    How’s about a nice ditty from the 60’s, everybody?

    “In my midnight confessions, when I’m tellin’ the world I love you/
    In my midnight confessions, when I’ve said all the things that I want to…”

    Like

  26. 66
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    I bet the Bean Faced Twat Limp Dick Toothpick is already signed up to get back to troughing some more public money !

    Like

  27. 67
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Oh ! and anybody encroaching on her briefs is liable to find they contain a cock

    Like

  28. 69
    Mike Rouse says:

    Principles 2 and/or 5 of the Data Protection Act may have been breached. http://www.ico.gov.uk/for_organisations/data_protection/the_guide/the_principles.aspx

    Like

  29. 86
    Steve Lloyd says:

    The police under New Labour.

    http://tinyurl.com/6pkgt4o

    Like

  30. 88
    Desperate Dan says:

    Ed is against elected Police Commissioners unless they are Labour members. Just like Rusbridger is against phone hacking unless its being done by Guardian hacks. And Harriet is against rich people unless they’re giving money to Labour.

    Like

  31. 91
    50 Calibre says:

    It’s all bollocks anyway…

    Like

  32. 92
    Ed Milliband is Jar Jar Binks of politicians in UK says:

    Jar Jar Binks was star wars phantom menace episode 1 character every time i hear New Labour politicians like ed balls ed milliband saying phrase “too far too fast” chances are eg the women in their lives would like them to go far and too fast in the bedroom! also a person said to me if you ever get your septic tank opened and man with tank and hosepipe to extract it out then when you smell the stench in the air think of all Labour politicians eg ed balls ed milliband harriet harman etc and the pig ignorant rich union chiefs and ask yourself “are you happy Labour are gone?” but expenses troughing is still continuing in 2012 etc it is year of the dragon not the year of the pig but 2013 is year of the snake 2014 is when politicians will be giving the people horseshit b4 elections in 2015

    Like

  33. 93
    Ed Balls Fitz Brown says:

    Can you please stop insulting me. Just because I like to spend (other peoples) money like a drunk sailor, and enjoy backroom ‘Et Tu, Brute’ shenanigans.

    There is a nice guy somewhere in here trying to get out you know!

    And its not Plan-B its Preparation-H for goodness sake

    Like


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