The Rt. Hon. Sir Alan Haselhurst, who once claimed £12,000 on his expenses for the gardening costs of his Essex farmhouse, has excelled himself today. According to PA’s James Tapsfield, as Chairman of the Commons Admin Committee, Haselhurst has has recommended that every MP is “issued with an iPad style tablet device”. Apparently it will save on paper costs in the long run and it’s fine because they can be be bought in bulk.
Guido is sure the public will be very understanding…
Mum Talked Down Woolwich Terrorists | Telegraph
How the Tories Can Win in 2015 | Harry Phibbs
View From Lord Bell’s Summer Party | Speccie
What Dave, Ed and Nick Want You to Hear | James Kirkup
In Praise of Apple’s Tax Plan | Daniel Mitchell
Christine Blower Can’t Do Maths | Toby Young
Cameron is Having a Shocker | Iain Martin
UKIP Still Back Flat Tax | London Loves Business
Dave Will Probably Win in 2015 | Dan Hodges
EU’s Tax Harmonisation Agenda | Dan Hannan
Tories Have Always Sneered at Party Faithful | Simon Heffer
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Ai Weiwei in China fighting the taxman…
“Under totalitarian rule, no one is protected by law. We will all be the same helpless victims. When a country insists on its lies, it’s time for an artist to bring forth change.”
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Talk about taking the fucking piss!!!!
Absolutely. And similarly, anything to report on News International in the past week or so? As I’ve said before, I rely on Guido for my news.
http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=guardian&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CDMQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.guardian.co.uk%2F&ei=TAgwT_mRJ82S8gPY3MHUAQ&usg=AFQjCNGq5Qw2Qu7CCeTvJMgRgrbZurBDcA&cad=rja
Meanwhile, the leader of a Council not far from where I live has been charged with an alleged £45,000 benefit fraud. Obviously, it would be unwise for me to go into further details until the case is heard in court, but the councillor (Labour) is said to be “disappointed and annoyed”. I’ll bet he is.
The next hearing is due on the sixteenth of March. Will keep my eyes on the local media and report back here in due course…
Is it in the “beware of the leopard” section of AlJaBeebya.marx.com?
There will be no money saved in the “long run” because with this type of technology there is no “long run”. After a year or so there will be something even more advanced which will no doubt be recommended as a replacement and which will be provided to them at our expense.
http://pics.livejournal.com/allah_sulu/pic/0002f3h8/g13
Dear Government,
Under Labour,dodgy bastards like Fred Goodwin et al were knighted and awarded ridiculous financial sums.
Under the Coalition, people like Goodwin and Network Rail bosses are being stripped of their rewards.
Could you please seize the initiative and remind the electorate of these facts rather than allowing Labour to claim the unjustified credit.
Thanks very much.
They must all have claimed for a couple of laptops by now……. paid for by us of course…….
i-iCaptain
.
.
Is there such a thing as a jobspec for an MP. Does one exist?
What a load of bollocks!
Nonsense. I was one of the first MP’s to get an iPad on expenses, it cost you Mugs £539. I intended to use it to comment anonymously in the local press, to make favourable comments on stories I was having them plant in the paper. Unfortunately, as I am totally uneducated, I can neither spell nor put a grammatical sentence together, so I was immediately spotted by keen eyed readers who exposed me. The iPad therefore has been a bit of a waste of money. Ah well, I suppose I can give it to one of my girlfriends. Boaz.
I wonder if my local MP will give me the out of date computer he recently purchased on expenses
I could do with an iPad, King Louie, but I am not giving you nookie for it.
Wasn’t the git deputy spe*ker at one time?
Half of them won’t even know how to turn the bloody thing on.
They’ll have a little man (computer johnie) to do that,
or in the case of the socialshites, one of them pilgrims.
Anybody else think he might be friends with an iPad supplier or am I just being cynical
He probably be in line for a nice big bung if it happens or am I just being cynical
being a politician he has probably “negotiated” a deal whereby someone supplies 650 iPads and he gets one free. Probably thinks he’s a great negotiator as well , t*ss*rs the lot of ‘em
I’m able to sell him several of mine that I’ve claimed on expenses.
Can you seriously imagine Denis Skinner using one? What a fucking waste of my money…(and yours)
Helen Mirren !
What’s the betting the procurement department wil pay uo to £3000 per tablet, just as they did for school,computers?
Sounds like they should have invested in potties instead of computers, though I s’pose even they require a certain amount of ability.
And crApple kit too for numpties with more money* than sense.
*In this case, other peoples.
Note the word “style” means “not a(n)”
He’s done nowt since the Last Of The Summer Wine theme tune.
Wrong Hazelhurst, Ronnie died two years ago.
Is Reggie still alive?
Only in Babs Windsor’s imagination…or is she dead too?
Sure. But just make sure it comes with software that stops them playing games, surfing sports websites and all the other non-work use, like many employers do.
Or ensure a log of every application and website visited is kept and published in the name of transparency.
My visits to Russian teen escort sites are essential for my research. They must not be blocked.
Having worked in the public sector I can confirm that these online restrictions are common for most employees, ergo whats good for the goose.
I note that you say “most” they do not consider themselves among the “most”
It’s against their ‘uman rights, you cann’t do that, that is only for the little people, they are MPs they are the creme de la creme.
Ca veut dire la crime de la crime, non?
Ou, peutetre, la creme de la petite crime?
Oh, to live in a world where paper can also be bought in bulk.
Paperless society? No way. You cannot wipe your arse with an iPad.
Unless there’s a crapp for that.
What should we do with the blackberry’s and i-phones we all purchased on expenses last time?
Ebay?
Great place for sticking a couple of industrial shredders and some laptops and plasmas just before the new expenses financial year.
tut tut
£400 for an ipad 2
5 Reams of A4 Bright White Paper. (2500 sheets)
2500 sheets of A5 is £25
400 / 25 = 16
16 * 2500 = 40,000 sheets of plain white A4 per ipad bought.
Massive savings in printed paper, obviously………..
There are no discounts for ipad2. Might get 10% for 600+. No more than that.
Just fly to the US and buy them on a dollars for pounds basis.
Still fucking useless though – particularly i-Pads. If computers saved paper then there wouldn’t be a sheet of paper needed in the country. As it is the jgm2 household uses ten times as much paper as we did before the invention of the computer.
Plus, the very last thing MPs will want is an electronic trail of their correspondence. I don’t know what the fuss is though – presumably if they want an i-Pad then they simply expense an i-Pad. Or, in the case of McShane, one a week for the next two years. Why do they have to formally buy 600 of the fucking things and hand ‘em out? This MP isn’t in some way connected with APPLE is he?
Hasnt McShane got a garage full of them ?
I think he must have constructed his garage entirely from i-Pads and then plastered over them. It’s the only way to explain the cost.
Whether or not he is connected with Apple he still gives me the pip!
Gaming the system is a core competency.
Much easier to carry though than 40,000 x A4 sheets, and it could be used to stand on, to assist in looking down on the little peeps.
their hand in your wallet. must be like christmas day everyday.
Ok … you all can have ipads.
But a monitor is put in to keep track of what you are doing with the device. fF you abuse it in any way you lose it.
The hardware is locked down so only authorised software can be loaded and its an instant no appeal sacking offence if you view porn or load games. If you lose it or have it stolen through stupidity, you replace it yourself and if you lose it more than once you dont get to have another.
You will be named and shamed publically if you get caught pulling anything smart.
Thats the policy my private sector employer runs … you can work the same way.
Nothing new! There were several councils that were thinking of spending quite a large sum on iPads for their councillors. Oh, and for the binmen, too. So they can record which household does and which one doesn’t recycle.
So a pencil and paper wouldn’t allow such stasi-like record-keeping?
As you realise, totalitarianism is much easier in a world of digital data. It’s much harder to collate data from multiple users when you’re dealing with scrawls on crumpled bits of paper.
Good. The harder we make it for the fuckers the longer we have free from their malign influence.
I think you’d be perfect for this role.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tactful_Saboteur
Also, iPad users don’t need to be able to write. They just have to open the window and lick the right icon.
Do we really need all those MPs now that the EU makes all of our laws?
Westminster is a superfluous layer of extravagant waste – why not have direct rule from Brussels?
We could turn the HoP into a quaint democracy theme park attraction.
The answer is of course no. This is the reason that the bizarre decisions which are pushed by all the major parties (HS2, windmills etc) have to be given completely shite reasons for going ahead.
Can you imagine an MP admitting “we don’t have a choice, Brussels has demanded it”? Promptly inviting the question “what the fuck are you for then”?
Funny I thought it was, with all those animal noises
Someone should offer an award for the first MP to leave their iPad on the train or in a taxi, or at least the first to admit they forgot it rather than claim it was stolen.
And a sweepstake on how long before it happens?
Too late!
MPs – repeat after me …
I trough
You trough
We trough
They trough
I troughed
You troughed
We troughed
They troughed
Very good, – now go and do it
I have a feeling that you mean ‘conjugate’.
Ipads for MPS?
Oh good.
Then they can watch live footage of Abu Qatada being released.
Not a damn thing any MP can do about it – the ECHR Over Lords have spoken.
Islamofascists must be kept on British soil, fed, housed & given the means to ferment the wests destruction.
646 utter Hunts.
Ipads for MPs.
Seems like a good swap.
I fucking hate iPads
Well don’t do it then.
oops. somehow I read that and the 2nd and 3rd word order was the other way round.
Q: How do you know when someone has got an iPad?
A: They tell you.
It’s a bold signal that there’s a credit bubble.
A pointless expensive shiny-but low-spec functionless object is the media’s “next big thing”…
Indeed. While there is still an I-Crap product sold anywhere in the world or a Starbucks coffee sold anywhere on the planet then we have still, as a nation/society/species, lost sight of the value of money.
Six hundred quid for a computer that has got about a tenth of the memory of a laptop costing one third the pr*ice? Three quid for a fucking coffee? Does it come with a blow-job this coffee?
So what does it mean when Apple has the biggest market capitalisation of *any company in the world* , as it did last week?
Bigger than Exxon, or Walmart, or General Motors.
It means the world has gone mad.
It’s a bold neon flashing sign that there’s a credit bubble.
I’ve got an Ipad-Too!
Could i Pads replace PIPs ?
Come along, come along!
How many of those things will get, erm, mislaid, Lord knows where. Just think, no more hacking needed.
There’ll be even more of whatever the current version of the “D” Notice is flying around than there are now.
Assuming that’s possible.
Any suggestions for a password?
8 character password? Snow White and the seven dwarfs.
Four wise men, and another 4 in the back of the van.
dickhead, miliband
How about “trougher” ?
Dennis Skinner says is an ipad something I wear over my eye?
No. It’s something with ‘wings’ that your wife wraps around her gusset.
Denny Laine?
Most don’t even turn up for work. Just give them all ther P45s.
I see that the Kirkcaldy effect is in full swing – a baby was born of the steps of the local hospital as nobody would answer the doorbell. Quality non-delivery from the NHS. Could just be a Pilgrim MP doing nothing, as usual. Where is he now?
Notice the quality of the spinning and blame shifting at work.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-16906485
Something you’ll never EVER see in an MSM Narrative report.
“Questions have again been asked about the ability of the state to deliver healthcare”.
Gordon Brown is the kindest, most thoughtful MP anyone could have!
We all love him, and think he’s cuddley.
And we feel sorry for him.
Was that Sir Stuart Doorbell?
This is a bullshit story designed to satisfy the tiny minds of those who think the country should be run by either toffs who can afford to work for nothing or weak as piss £35k a year middle managers.
Change the fucking the record.
should be run by either toffs who can afford to work for nothing or weak as piss £35k a year middle managers.
The trouble is, that under the Imbecility, all we did was take ‘weak as piss £35k a year middle managers’, give ‘em 65K a year plus expenses and hope that it would make them cleverer. It didn’t.
Do you reckon that if an association of village idiots were to replace our revered, illustrious and omniscient elected representatives they could do a worse job?
The idiots would probably do a better job and cost less.
The problem is that we keep voting the twats into power.
They will keep ordering more every time the battery runs down.
They should do, it’s duh-zind with the battery welded in.
To keep the user welded out…
It is a metaphor for the entire product.
They told me that paper was the medium of the future. They were wrong then.
What’s wrong with slate. At least there’s no record.
And there’s no record of a slate being hacked OR bugged
There is if you take a copy!
It buggers the copier.
And what have you got there Percy?
Green my Lord!
That Da*ti*ng for parents babe is worth joining up for. Her ex must have bagged himself a real honey to give her a P45.
He knows where to stick his recommendation. Up his scrounging arse!
We are already taking bookings for displays, fetes, home entertainment, Hen Nights, Pubs, and Street Parties.
Avoid disappointment – Book Now!!!!
Inspired by the Olumpics …. Now available to YOU!!
Hatty’s Hairy Hod Humping Great Heavyweight Harlots
They epitomise all that’s best in British Wimminhood and the benefits of Wimminisation!
Steady now, Sir Al, you don’t want to be accused of aiding and abetting slavery by patronising Apple, do you? Just wouldn’t do to have a gentleman of your stature and importance seeming to condone mistreatment of workers, now would it? Better find another supplier, if this is a rhetorical suggestion and not one, perish the thought, based on personal interest!
http://order-order.com/2012/02/05/78570/
I was acquainted with Alan Hazlehurst when I was a young chap – he was a twat then and a twat now.
Just sat in with Billy Hague and the Syrian ambassador.
Very, very tough response to the behaviour of the Syrian regime from the Foreign office.
“if you don’t stop killing your citizens we will reduce the amount of foreign aid we give you! By a not inconsiderable amount.”
I am shitting myself
Can somebody tell me what an iPad is?
It is what I am rioting to you on.
Yes, your wife wears one on a monthly basis.
Nothing too big mind! Petite will do fine.
when I carried out my own investigations into MP’s expenses I was amazed just how much was being claimed for toner cartridges and mobile phones.
William Hague was a class act here but there were a good few others involved.
I think a case could be made for them to all have iPads as a cost cutting measure.
other options might be to give them all an iPod or possibly an iPhone or even give them all a one off annual expense allowance.
the people who might have the most to lose could well be Royal Mail.
the future is definitely paperless.
An early prediction of the paperless office was made in a 1975 Business Week article.
Yeah, – used to hear the same bullshit then, – ‘The Paperless Office’ – ‘The Office of the 80s will be paperless’
LO very L!!!
For our rulers,the concept may be irresistible.
How many do you reckon ever surmounted the challenge of toilet-training?
I have an IPad stuck up my arse now thanks to you.
To be honest, it’s quite a good idea. There’s been plenty of research that shows an appropriate IT infrastructure can replace paper and be more efficient and/or save money.
I understand there’s a a chance that some MPs might procrastinate on things like tablets, but Gordon Brown has proved you don’t have to have a tablet device to not focus on your job.
If this idea gets any traction, I hope they put some serious thought into security measures as there’s plenty of confidential material used by MPs.
Good idea? So you approve of slavery then?
Was that written by a human? No, I thought not.
Yes, much of it found in waste bins nearby to parliament.
Nothing to do with me Gov .
“appropriate IT infrastructure”
i.e. not crApple hype-pads.
iPads come with an instant tracking device which could be of some interest.
Couldn’t agree more. I kept all my essential data on 5″ floppy discs. But now I’m buggered if I can find a compter anywhere to run them on. Good job my secretary made paper copies – just in case….
We’re all in it together, aren’t we?…
After I’ve finished it’ll be in the same 500 yard square
meanwhile, back at the ranch, hague gears up for yet another war
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/hague-pressured-over-syria-policy-003959728.html
it’s what so called british, yet undeniably nazi governments do
If MPs want i-Pads then they should visit this site and click on the ‘You’ve won an i-Pad’ icon. They seem to be giving the fucking things away. It seems that every time I log on I’ve won another fucking iPad.
Trouble with these ipads is no adobe flash player.
When you log onto ‘MY MILF’ no images.
If they spend all their time wanking off to porn, will we have a better life than their current onanistic practices?
If so there may be a case for swallowing our principles (but only those) here.
“Apparently it will save on paper costs in the long run and it’s fine because they can be be bought in bulk.
Guido is sure the public will be very understanding…”
I would be, on one condition. If they wish to conduct parliamentary work via ipads or similar then they can do so from home over the internet. Video conference the debates, let the poison dwarf have a big touchscreen to select people to speak, etc. A distributed parliament is a much harder target for terrorists. Sell off the palace for re-development.
Ed Balls is currently in complete denial on BBC Parliament. How can anyone listen to this arsewipe?
Is he in denial about anything in particular? Or just generally repainting history to make his part in it look less like the omnishambles-clustercockfest that it was.
Come on, shit-for-brains ! They all know there was no money left when we got booted out.
Liam Byrne needs a good kicking.
Off topic, but how’s Tony B£iar getting on as Middle East P3ac3 envoy ??
The r3ligion of p3ac3 seems to be doing their supporters proud again.
Whilst the religion of pe*ace confines itself to inter-denominational ‘pe*acefulness’ I personally couldn’t give a shit. It’s when they seek to expand their definition of pe*ace to the rest of us that I get p155ed off.
While we are on the subject of laptops and technostuff, where is the free laptop and free broadband access that Gordon Brown promised me a couple of years ago? I voted for him as well.
There’ll be a Range Rover Vogue parked on the dr*i*ve of some massive country pile bought from the profits of the contract to spec the contract to deliver all these non-existent computers to Labour supporters.
“We are all in this together”,Haselhurst can’t spend our money quick enough.Former Dept Speaker he is on a good screw,let him pay for his own iPad.
It sounds a bit like his grand daughter has asked for one for her birthday.
There are some “iPad like” tablets around. Some only cost £80. These probably have just the right amount of functionality that MPs will use considering most of them haven’t got a fucking clue about how technology works.
im sure have seen her on that ‘mature’ dating site you keep advertising
Most MPs pick up copies of order papers when they first come in, then lose them and send their PA for another set. Then they lose those and pick up another set on the way to the chamber.
Mostly, they use these 30-50 page booklets as notepads for meetings, writing a few scribbled notes in the corner of the 100gsm buff papers (not cheap that stuff), before tearing the relevant sheets off and asking their PAs to get yet another copy for them to take in to the chamber.
Those they “lose” end up in heaps in their offices then usually get thrown in the ordinary waste baskets – not in recycling.
iPads automatically loaded with the order papers every day and updated as new papers are issued will save a huge amount on printing. Though MPs will need more note pads, they can at least be cheap.
It may actually be a good idea., if I was that bothered I would buy one myself for evaluation and speak from the strength of experience rather than theory.
But then again if you are looking for proactive concepts MP’s ain’t exactly cutting edge…
We need a People’s Panel to do the job the Daily Telegraph did in 2009.
Go through every available datasource to build a profile of every MP in terms of their income (salary and other incomes), expenses and allowances claims, voting record, constituency profile, notoriety, arrogance, sleaze and anything else that crops up.
Name and shame them so their constituents can march them up to Madame Guillotine on election day.
hello,
the Tories are Nothing But “FROCK WEARING FASCISTST”
Sorry FASCISTS