January 28th, 2012

Not a Single Billion More

George Osborne gave a cast iron promise last October:

“Britain will not be putting money into the bailout fund either directly or through the IMF… the IMF exists to support countries, it does not exist to support currencies. The IMF contributing money to the eurozone bailout fund, no; Britain contributing money to the eurozone bailout fund, no. That is Britain’s clear position.”

Ed Balls and Tory backbenchers are at one on this, it is for Germany through the ECB to support the €uro. The American and Chinese Treasury ministers agree, it is not the purpose of the IMF to bailout an ill-conceived currency union. Don’t forget your promise George*…

*Guido hasn’t forgotten his IMF promise.


  1. 1
    Idea says:

    If GO does then i propose taxpayers occupy Parliament

  2. 2

    Money makes the World go round, the World go round, the World go round, Money makes the World go round, that clinking clanking sooooooooound, that makes the World go roooooooooound. Money, money money money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money…………………………………………..

  3. 3
    Tachybaptus says:

    A politician’s promise is a brief disturbance of the air, and nothing more.

  4. 4
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Yawns of the week.
    Laurie Penny
    Chuka Ummuna
    Ed Bandwagon Miliband

  5. 5
    Synic says:

    Don’t forget that 3 years in the Balls Premiership circa 2018 the UK will have to go cap in hand to the IMF again, after the stupid public has voted Liebour back in.

  6. 6

    I would rather they gave the money (that we haven’t got anyway) than have to watch Guido running around Smith Square in the altogether, (St Patrick’s Day or otherwise.)

  7. 7
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Please sir, don’t tell the British taxpayers how much has been wasted buying worthless bits of paper with the gold Gordon Brown sold at a pittance.

  8. 8
    Private Frazer says:

    Of course this squalid unrepresentative government will cave in to the IMF’s wishes.
    I hold out no hope of ever again having a government which puts the responsible people of this country first.
    Whichever way one looks we are doomed.

    Time to go on benefits and substantially increase my income!!! And I would not have to pay income tax/nic for it to be squandered on the feckless, the undeserving and anyone who wants to come here and live off my back!

  9. 9
    Up sh1t creek says:

    More quantitative easing to pay for the £17bn+ the Europeans are asking from British taxpayers, sorry, I meant give IMF, who will launder the money to give to the Europeans.

    But wait, wasn’t it George Osborne that said that quantitative easing is the last desperate act of a desperate government?

  10. 10
    Bloody Hell says:

  11. 11

    Actually, if the UK does end up giving more money to the IMF, we will eventually get some of it back, when Osbourne applies to the IMF to bail us out.

  12. 12

    David Cameron
    Prime Minister
    10 Downing Street
    London W1.


    I have the honour to refer to the very serious calls
    which have recently been made upon the currency Reserves
    in an attempt to stem the German invasion on the Continent.

    2, I hope and believe that that the Euro may yet be
    victorious in France and Belgium, but we have to face the
    possibility that it may be defeated.

    3. In this case I presume that there is no-one who will
    deny that England should carry on, even though the remainder of
    the Continent of Europe is dominated by the Germans.

    4. For this purpose it is necessary to retain some
    minimum financial strength in this country and I must request that
    the Monetary Policy Committee inform me what they consider this minimum
    strength to be, in order that I may make my dispositions

    5. Once a decision has been reached as to the limit on
    which the Bank of England and the Cabinet are prepared to stake the
    existence of the country, it should be made clear to the Europ/ean Leaders on the Continent that not a further pound from this nation will be sent across the Channel, no matter how desperate the situation may become.

    8. I must point out that within the last few years the
    equivalent of £20 billions have been sent to France, that the
    reserves remaining in this country are seriously
    depleted, and that the more pound sterling which is sent to France
    the higher will be the wastage and the more insistent the
    demands for mores.

    9. I must therefore request that as a matter of
    paramount urgency the Cabinet will consider and
    decide what level of gold is to be left to secure the
    finances of this country, and will assure me that not one
    more penny will be sent across the Channel however urgent
    and insistent the appeals for help may be.

    I have the honour to be,
    Your obedient Servant,
    William Quango MP

    Select Committee Officer Commanding-in-Chief,
    Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs

  13. 13

    … and air which is normally passed downwards, at that.

  14. 14
    Archer Karcher says:

    Ha, ha, ha, other than personalities, the difference between tha looting ZaNu cretins and the coalition of fabians is what? Be precise now.

  15. 15

    David Cameron
    Prime Minister
    10 Downing Street
    London W1.
    I have the honour to refer to the very serious calls
    which have recently been made upon the currency Reserves
    in an attempt to stem the German invasion on the Continent.
    2, I hope and believe that that the Euro may yet be
    victorious in France and Belgium, but we have to face the
    possibility that it may be defeated.
    3. In this case I presume that there is no-one who will
    deny that England should carry on, even though the remainder of
    the Continent of Europe is dominated by the Germans.
    4. For this purpose it is necessary to retain some
    minimum financial strength in this country and I must request that
    the Monetary Policy Committee inform me what they consider this minimum
    strength to be, in order that I may make my dispositions
    5. Once a decision has been reached as to the limit on
    which the Bank of England and the Cabinet are prepared to stake the
    existence of the country, it should be made clear to the Europ/ean Leaders on the Continent that not a further pound from this nation will be sent across the Channel, no matter how desperate the situation may become.
    8. I must point out that within the last few years the
    equivalent of £20 billion have been sent to France, that the
    reserves remaining in this country are seriously
    depleted, and that the more pound sterling which is sent to France
    the higher will be the wastage and the more insistent the
    demands for mores.
    9. I must therefore request that as a matter of
    paramount urgency the Cabinet will consider and
    decide what level of gold is to be left to secure the
    finances of this country, and will assure me that not one
    more penny will be sent across the Channel however urgent
    and insistent the appe/als for help may be.
    I have the honour to be,
    Your obedient Servant,
    William Quango MP
    Select Committee Officer Commanding-in-Chief,
    Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs

  16. 16
    Tessa Tickles says:

    “The Election Manifesto of the Conservative/Labour/LibDim (delete as appropriate) Party, 2015:

    Should we win the election, we will completely ignore you, other than when we’re taxing you to the absolute hilt. We intend to make ourselves very very rich at your expense. We know you hate us, well guess what? I bet you don’t hate us half as much as we hate you. You’re all peasants. Fuck you all.

    Signed, Dave/Ed/Nick (delete as appropriate).

  17. 17
    Archer Karcher says:

    DOH! the*

  18. 18
    Tessa Tickles says:

    “The Election Manifesto of the Conservative/Labour/LibDim (delete as appropriate) Party, 2015:

    Should we win the election, we will completely ignore you, other than when we’re taxing you to the absolute hilt. We intend to make ourselves very very rich at your expense. We know you hate us, well guess what? I bet you don’t hate us half as much as we hate you. You’re all p*ea*sants. Fuck you all.

    Signed, Dave/Ed/Nick (delete as appropriate).

  19. 19
    Expat Geordie says:

    Since we bailed out the paddies to the tune of £7bn it might have worked out cheaper to occupy them, and then turn the whole bloody country into a car park. (Especially since ther eare plenty of people there who could do the tarmacing for us – cash in hand, of course.)

  20. 20
    Expat Geordie says:

    With apologies and thanks to Sir Hugh Dowding, head of Fighter Command.

  21. 21
    Flabberjabber says:

    In other words, too many.

  22. 22
    Silent Bob paid no tax last year says:
  23. 23

    At last!

    A Bill of Rights.

  24. 24

    No need to get excited, its notas if its real money, George will just ask Mervyn to stoke up the printing presses again.

  25. 25
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Wishy-washy iDave will do whatever he’s told eventually. His “veto” at the summit a few weeks ago appears to be little more than a gesture.

    It is morally and economically defensible that Britain (not to mention other even poorer countries) puts up more money to defend more affluent countries such as Germany when they are not willing to do their utmost to help themselves and indeed are actively ravaging the economies of Eurozone periphery countries.

    Remarkably the political discourse (as opposed to economic analysis) appears to be whether Cameron and Osborne can structure this in a way to avoid a backbench revolt. Little or no consideration given to the morality, flying in the face of public opinion or, most importantly the economic stupidity of it all.

    Cameron largely lost me on his failure to address some of the stupidity enacted by the Labour Party but this is relatively small beer compared to this sort of nonsense. No chance of me voting for the Tories while he’s in charge if this goes through.

  26. 26
    HochFinanz says:

    Can anybody tell me why the other Eurozone countries are unable to borrow the money they want from the Greeks? Apparently they have a great source of finance where money grows on trees and they don’t have to pay it back.

  27. 27
    People Power says:

    Time for a British Spring. If the arabs can bring down their governments, why can’t we?

  28. 28
    Dave 'Cast Iron' Camera-man says:

    Actually I fart from both orifices of my alimentary canal dontchakno!

  29. 29
    lola says:

    If he does do a big non! Then Osborne might go down in history as ‘The man that broke the Euro’. He won’t like that. No post UK Government job on the EU gravy train for Georgie Porgie.

  30. 30
    B.Bob... says:

    Yes, send the buggers back :)

  31. 31
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    What a spineless pair of little oiks they are
    No Balls Cameron and Schoolboy Osborne
    Sarkozy Lap dogs the pair of them
    looks like Eu Clegg is now running this country !

  32. 32
    lola says:

    Quite brilliant.

  33. 33
    Mrs. Ball-Scooper ( triple flipper ) says:

    Next you’ll be telling everyone you’re in floods of tears when you watch Antiques Roadshow.

    Er, have we claimed the Telly Tax on expenses, Ed ?

  34. 34
    Liam Byrne says:

    There’s no money left.

  35. 35
    Fartacus says:

    Well here’s a first.

    I have just played – note perfect – the complete Trumpet Voluntary through the cheeks of my arse on the way to the toilet.

  36. 36
    Joss Taskin says:

    Why do we always bail out the damned Frenchies ?

  37. 37
    Chris Hoon says:


  38. 38
    Election 2012 says:

    I smell a snap election in the air. Dave u-turn, backbench revolt, leadership challenge, then: either we get a new leader or Dave calls vote of no confidence, loses and calls election. I know they passed a law for fixed term parliaments but they can always find a way round that.

  39. 39
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

    Where did you put all the euros you got when Ed and I sold the Gold ?

  40. 40
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Ooh! I know the answer to this one!!

    The difference between the ZaNu cretins and the coalition of fabians is, the ZaNu cretins have the anti-white ray-cyst Diane Fatbutt as a spokesman.

    I claim my £10!!

    (I used the term ‘spokesman’ because I knew it would annoy Fatbutt. Heh heh.)

  41. 41
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    We publish lists of the figures and we don’t discuss them here
    So if you can penetrate one of the most secure buildings in Britain , find the Members library have a root about for a couple of days and you might find out
    Democracy , freedom of information MY ARSE !

  42. 42
    Archer Karcher says:

    Whatever is wasted on it, the Euro is kaput anyway. All our money is paying for is time and in the end, both will run out.

  43. 43
    Reichsmarschall Merkel says:

    I have shouted at you enough? Come! We are all friends here. I am here to help? What can I get you? Any request at all…Mario?

    Mario Monti “Jawhol Mein Reichmarschall! Give me a carton of Sterling”

  44. 44
    Gordon McRuin says:

    Ah can do tha’ ‘oot ma own manbagpipes!

  45. 45

    Think so? I`m 38 and never paid a penny of tax in my life, and i aint a benefit scrounger, if that`s what you think. It`s all down to the knack, you know, some of us have, and the rest of you……

  46. 46
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Dave’s popularity soared when he used the veto, now he’s performed a predictable screeching U-turn and caved in like the spineless little grunt that he is, his popularity will wane, probably quite quickly.

    But a backbench revolt? Nah. Even when they’re staring defeat in the face on the eve of the next election, just as they were in 2010, the cowardly backbenchers won’t do anything.

    It won’t be the Conservative Party that sacks Dave, it will be the public.

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    It means that they’re more afraid of their political compatriots in Europe than they are of the British people. Time to put them straight I think.

  48. 48
    Budgie says:

    Yes, the differnce is easy to spot: the looting ZaNu cretins boast that they will destroy the UK, and succeed; whereas the Coalition of fabians say they won’t destroy the UK but do so anyway.

  49. 49
    Anonymous says:

    They just reprinted that from the last Labour government.

  50. 50
    Aunt Agatha says:

    Or even an English Spring

  51. 51
    man in a whitish van says:

    Do you like baked hedgehog BTW?

  52. 52
    Raving Loon says:

    We need to withdraw from the following:

    EU, IMF, WTO, BIS, World Bank, EU, Afghanistan, Iraq and the Middle East in general.

  53. 53
    Now that is a good idea says:

  54. 54
    The Doddering Old Fart says:

    Who has all this money that these countries seem to be borrowing? Where has it come from? Who created it and when? What currency do they borrow Euros in to turn them into Euros? What exchange rate applies and does it stay the same when it is repaid? Has God got it all in a big bag? Is it kept on the Moon?
    It’s all a load of creative bollocks. Creative Fraud. It’s a handful of families pissing you all around adding a few noughts here and there and hoping you never learn the truth.

  55. 55
    Moonbat says:

    You forgot the IPCC and Kyoto.

  56. 56
    Dave Hartnett says:


  57. 57
    Inciting a Riot says:

  58. 58
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Slow down Chris !
    We only want to see Valid Points !

  59. 59
    crazy economics says:

    bailed out the ‘paddies’ to make them more competitive than Northern Ireland, part of our own United Kingdom

  60. 60
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Oh, I misunderstood – I thought this was no more bail-outs for the bankers. We can’t have that, can we? Or they might go somewhere else to satisfy their overweening greed.

  61. 61
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    I usually wait till i’m seated , before my rendition of the 1812 overture complete with cannons

  62. 62
    Budgie says:

    So far the Coalition has voted to give £40 billion to the IMF, of which £30bn has been supplied. Cameron and Osborne have also given around £10bn in loans and guarantees to Eire. All to support the euro.

    Despite being nearly as financially crippled as Greece, and probably more so than Italy, we UK taxpayers are propping up the euro thanks to Cameron’s Coalition. Our families are being impoverished to do this. Says ex-public schoolboy Cameron “Ooohh, cane me Mrs Merkel, cane me.”

  63. 63
    Ranger Smith says:

    I bet these guys have a high-fibre diet :


  64. 64

    Yeah, plenty of tomato sauce.

  65. 65
    Budgie says:

    With that pair of comedians Balls and Cameron, we will end up going cap in hand to the EU pleading to join the euro.

  66. 66
    The Golem says:

    It’s quite possible Cleggie is already the Fourth Reich’s gauleiter in waiting. Regarding payments in to France’s Piggie Bank aka the IMF, George will know his duty. Sadly, he and his boss have made it clear they know who they are working for and it isn’t us.

  67. 67
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    What a bunch of pricks these government cretins are

  68. 68
    lola says:

    Dave Hartnett = c**t

  69. 69
    Field Marshal Von Merkel says:

    If we don’t save the Euro now we deserve to have our arses kicked in.

    If Georgie says no then the scene is of Merkel boarding a train back to Berlin saying to Sarkozy & Legarde “You have betrayed me”

  70. 70
    Boo Boo says:

    I think you meant to say a ‘high-fib diet’, Mr Ranger sir.

  71. 71
    Really is really good... says:

    Until we vacate the prestige of times gone.. rubbish such as permanent member of UN security council … international charity will continue.

  72. 72
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Ed Balls still talking about our (the taxpayers) money. Balls the ultimate political gobshite.

  73. 73
    Taxfodder says:

    This is Osbourne’s if not the Coalitions moment of truth, just like Huhne and Clegg, you can only bullshit your countrymen and women for so long.

    If Osbourne donates more than a penny piece to the IMF the coalition will be utterly finished.

  74. 74
    Anonymous says:

    Dave + George are both lying bastards

    EU Voting Song

    Jolly voting weather
    We are all europhiles
    We’re very clever
    And lie to you all the while
    You fell for our promise especially the CAST IRON trick
    We’re all from Eton, and you lot are all too thick.

    If you think I’ll claim back powers,
    You haven’t got a clue
    We’ll hand the UK to Merkle,
    There is nothing that you can do
    No referendums Changes through on the nod
    I am the PM and I’m a duplicitous sod

    As for immigration
    I know it gets on your tits
    I will flood the nation
    And pay their benefits
    I am from Eton; I am one of the ruling class
    If you don’t like it, you can just kiss my ****

    If I agreed the Treaty
    Things that it would amend
    Required referendums
    And that would be the end
    We’d be out of Europe and that’s what the public crave
    But I’m undemocratic, just call me dictator Dave

    Clegg is making noises
    Pretending he did not know
    If he really meant it
    Lib-Dems would pack up and go
    There all in it together, and David is now all smiles
    He has silenced the sceptics, with the aid of the Europhiles

    This has been a carve up
    Helped by Merkosy
    They need our money
    That is quite plane to see
    They played out the charade so it looks as if Dave’s alone
    But were still in the EU and we’ll pay for the Euro zone

    Jolly voting weather
    We are all Europhiles
    We’ve silenced the sceptics
    Look at their beaming smiles
    There’s no referendum, the sceptics are really thick.
    I am from Eton and those idiots missed the trick

  75. 75

    Cato, not all banks had to be bailed out and those in places like to U.S. that were bailed out with taxpayers’ money have paid back the money IN FULL WITH INTEREST. Only financial incompetents like Brown, Darling and Balls laid out public money to banks which had little hope of paying off their debt.

    Perhaps some of our British based bankers should look across the pond and see what they did right in order to pay off their debts so quickly.

  76. 76
    Anonymous says:

    You Lying Bastards

    § My name is Kipper Cameron I’m an a***hole and a snob
    I promised referendums until I got my job
    Throughout the last election you believed my CAST IRON vow
    But I don’t give a toss for you, I’m the PM now
    I am all for the EU I think there really great
    And if they want your money I will hand it on a plate
    I will not fight their burocrats, or cut back immigration
    I will do my utmost to screw the British Nation
    So forget your Rule Britannia that was prosperous and free
    Forget when you could speak your mind I demand PC
    I know a million immigrants in Britain are employed
    Whilst all our youth are on the dole and I am overjoyed
    SO BOG OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  77. 77
    Tony Blair says:

    As I used to say about Gordon Brown, “The bastard is up to something.”

  78. 78
    David Camoron says:

    Ich bin ein Feigling und Verräter.

  79. 79
    Tony Blair says:

    Don’t look at me. I only took a few mil off the top.

  80. 80
    Archer Karcher says:

    Save the Euro? Are you deluded? Have you any idea what the numbers are? No I don’t think you have a clue. Hopefully you are a dustman, if you a politician, then we are truly le fcuked.

  81. 81
    Alan Postal says:

    Seven takeaway six . Two billion! Strewth that’s a lot of savings

  82. 82
    Archer Karcher says:


    That’s a certainty and Cameron is his right hand man. They will do as they are told.

  83. 83
    Dave €ameron says:

    Trust me with all your EUSSR money! Honest! Cast Iron!

  84. 84
    Connysewer of music says:

    Canons with Balls?

  85. 85
    Stavros says:

    We fuckin up the arsey are, innit me ole kebab chops. We bin throwin’ and stonin’ and makieen a real mess of the whole place. Like a greek wedding it is in our streets. Athens is a right shithole. I don” know if they had the riots there or not ..its just a shithole.

    Know what I fink..Give everyone back their 90% pensions at age 39. Ban all taxes. And let people work for jobs like sunbather, donkey pilot .. or betting shop checker.
    We was all much so ok then, innit? And youse lot in the norf of the europe can pay for it like-a-before!

    Bye matey peeps..

  86. 86
    Julie davies (con-teacher) says:

    I offer one of my salaries to help alleviate the situation.

  87. 87
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Hey stop nicking my Moniker !
    Back in my rugby days i was known as “A common Sewer of the real ale”
    Or a “Beer Slug” !
    Some things never leave you ! LoL

  88. 88
    Budgie says:

    Why worry – he will be wearing a Vendetta mask surely?

  89. 89
    I've got no time for teaching though Harringey employ me as one says:

    But the biggest has to be go-to-specsavers-Julie-Davies.

  90. 90
    Stavros says:

    Watch the clip Archer. It is all ok so explained alot in there, innit

  91. 91
    Sexy babe Julie D says:

    Sorry, I have appropriated it for the union.

  92. 92
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Balls’s face has puzzled me for a while but I finally figured it out this morning: don’t you think he looks like he’s been floating face-down in a quarry for a couple of days?

  93. 93
    J u l i e D a v i e s says:

    I’ve already withdrawn from taking lessons, but in no way have I withdrawn from withdrawing my pay.

  94. 94
    Archer Karcher says:

    You have to ask yourself who is the real inciters Farage or the German colonists?

  95. 95
    The Budget Commissar is coming says:

    Given the disappointing compliance so far, Greece has to accept shifting budgetary sovereignty to the European level for a certain period of time. A budget commissioner has to be appointed by the Eurogroup with the task of ensuring budgetary control. He/she must have the power

    a) to implement a centralized reporting and surveillance system covering all major blocks of expenditure in the Greek budget,

    b) to veto decisions not in line with the budgetary targets set by the Troika and

    c) will be tasked to ensure compliance with the above mentioned rule to prioritize debt service.

    (The ‘Troika’ ….IMF, EU and European Central Bank.)

  96. 96
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    It’s funny all this Hoo Har over Hester’s one Million pound bonus over the last week
    now just seems to have been a smoke screen to cover up Call me Spineless and Cowardly George’s Mega give away to the IMF

  97. 97
    The Budget Commissar is coming says:


    The Iranian Parliament will pass an emergency law tomorrow (Sunday) banning all exports of oil to the EU.

    All deliveries to Greece, Spain and Italy to be halted forthwith..others in three weeks.

    Greece, Spain and Italy.

    I wonder why?

  98. 98
    Just Curious says:

    Have you never bought anything?

  99. 99
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    If i were the Iranians i’d only accept gold (possibly swiss francs) in payment for oil exports.

  100. 100
    Gideon of Gumption says:

    IMF = International Money-tree Fund

  101. 101

    Maybe. But he has not told us whether he is going to do the run clockwise or anti-clockwise.

    We know he swings to the right but need that additional information for safety reasons…

  102. 102
    That's muHochFinanz says:

    I have. it is defintiely the German colonists.

  103. 103
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Surely you mean “Ich hatte gerade meinen Schwanz in Merkel “?

  104. 104
    George Soros says:

    You should do what most of us in the know have been doing for years. Keep your assets and income earning assets offshore, together with your properties. Run Limited Companies and Holding Companies on shore to minimise your tax liabilities, which should be nil or almost nil if you are smart enough. Anything left put into tax free wrappers such as SIPPs and the remainder, donate to charities. This will ensure that your money is not wasted by the incompetent troughers, who think they run our lives but are not smart enough to run a whelk stall. Not one penny of my money goes towards them and never will.

  105. 105
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Leave them much longer , and they will be paying us all in Plutonium

  106. 106
    Taxpayer says:

    Because they can’t pay their bills. Seems sensible to me. These Iranians aren’t as stupid as they look.

  107. 107
    Moscow Mike Handycock (sex Tourist on Taxpayer's money) says:

    Who would fund my extremely important trips to eastern Europe, if no money was coming in from taxpayer’s? I am doing very important work out there. Your philosophy is very selfish George. Do you think we can meet up sometime, I need some advice? Boaz.

  108. 108
    annette curton says:

    Gordon sold-off all our uranium bars.

  109. 109
    Nat Rothschild says:

    Why do you think the price of precious metals has been rising for years? The smart money is betting that incompetent politicians will inflate themselves out of their irresponsible debts by printing money,debasing the currency and making the people they are supposed to represent, poorer.

  110. 110
    Ah! Monika says:

    Just been out and about.

    Amazing how all the “Pound” shops have run out of till rolls and ” Don’t take plastic”

    After Rednapp, go for the thousands of these shops populating every High Street an precinct.

    Also told the “BEEG Issue ” to bugger of back home and beg there.

  111. 111
    Sorry Spike says:

    Spring is here,
    The FTSE’s riz
    I wonder how the Euro is?

  112. 112
    No Spare Change says:

    Do you speak Romanian?

  113. 113
    Oil for Gold says:

    That’s exactly what they are doing. India and China is paying them in Gold. They won’t accept Yankee Dollars.

  114. 114
    G Ooglefish says:

    ”Merkel hatte gerade ihren Schwanz in mir”, surely ?

  115. 115
    Olga Bonkalot says:

    A Taxpayer’s strike in the UK would be disastrous for our business out here in Russia, even if we just lost just your business only Handy. Please start a campaign to stop this from happening Handy, or the UK will be swamped with female economic migrants.

  116. 116
    annette curton says:

    Well I have noticed that all the items for sale in the pound shops are made of plastic, and how much longer before the countries entire stock of 9ct gold charms has been melted down for instant cash.

  117. 117

    Is it any coincidence that the British Aerosol Manufacturing Association, to the east of Smith Square is just down the road from the British Arsehole Manufacturing Association to the east of Parliament Square?

  118. 118
    The Iceage cometh says:

    It’s going to get cold. Very cold. Canada will not be able to produce wheat. The growing season will be reduced. Less heat means less evaporation means drought. Less rain means hydrolectric plants fail. Less food more drought means famine.

    Why? Because there are two solar cycles upon us that will mean less Sun.


  119. 119
    nellnewman says:

    ‘not a single billion more – bullyballs and tory backbenchers are at one over this….’

    Well!! I never thought there was a single thing over which I would agree with bullyballs.

    Whoever would have thought it!!!

  120. 120
    Jack says:


    Your silence about the multiple News Corp arrests and scandals is deafening

    And young James Murdock is now quitting the sinking ship


  121. 121
    Christine Lagarde in her nighty says:

    Because Greece is bust

    And Spain and Italy are rapidly going the same way

  122. 122
    Heinrich Himmler says:

    There will not be any trouble.

  123. 123
    PVL says:

    But if we don’t pay, David will be shunned at EU meetings and none of the other EU leaders will have dinner with him.

  124. 124
    nellnewman says:

    Actually what it seems the murdochs are doing is easing out of their UK ties and establishing themselves even more firmly in the usa and other more profitable parts of the world.

    Depending on which side your bread is buttered – if your twatson and labour you’ll think that’s a good thing – if your one of the hundreds who lost their jobs when murdoch pulled the plug on the uk you’ll feel hard done by by labour who claim to look after uk jobs but don’t.

  125. 125
    European Gravey says:

    They never shunned Tony Blair at meetings, and they always smiled at him and patted him on the back

  126. 126
    annette curton says:

    No they wont, they only like to dine out with nice people (mugs) that are prepared to pick up the tab.

  127. 127
    twats says:

    and what exactly are these ‘backbenchers’ going to do?
    fuck all squared, as usual

  128. 128
    Ah! Monika says:

    But Dave could go for A Take-Away!

  129. 129
    Milton Friedman says:

    It is an economic fact that the worst economies also engender the highest rates of prostitution. Hence the attraction of Russia, Ukraine and eastern european countries to those men looking for easy sex.

  130. 130
    The Public says:

    Truth? From the government?

    We’re doomed.

  131. 131
    Miliband Minimuth says:

    Don’t worry, there are thtill plenty of Marth barth north of the Forth.
    Thee, I know what’th really important.

  132. 132
    Just a thought says:

    Are two solar cycles better than one tandem solar cycle?

  133. 133
    Theory says:

    Sell drugs and live with his mum?

  134. 134
    Contains Nutters says:

    And there was me thinking that this Blog was about tittle tattle, rumours and gossip about Westminster’s mother of parliaments. Read the contents.

  135. 135
    The Looney Left says:

  136. 136
    nellnewman says:

    well Osborne has what’s known as ‘£10billion headroom’ that he can still give to the eu because mp’s voted for it (idiots!!) – but if he wants to give anymore he has to come back to the HoC and it’s unlikely they’ll vote for him to do that.

    At least let’s hope so.

  137. 137
    The home of the Original and Best Chicken Tikka Masala Pizza says:

    We only deliver is a 2 mile radius. No council blocks. Our drivers don’t carry change.

  138. 138
    annette curton says:

    I thought he had moved on from his Rubics cube to re-assembling Chocolate Oranges, policy at last!.

  139. 139
    annette curton says:

    Oh, Mr Woo, get the ukulele out?

  140. 140
    Taking the analogy one step further says:

    Stale air at that

  141. 141
    Gordon Brown says:


  142. 142
    Taking the analogy to far says:

    Air which is stale and rancid with the stench of decomposing corpses, who have lain entombed in a sealed sewer which has just been opened up after many centuries

  143. 143
    Ed Milibandwagon says:

    Please just call me Ed Milibandwagon

  144. 144
    Grim says:

    Farage is a one-trick Pony.

  145. 145
    The Selfish Left says:

    Since when did the right to protest give lefties the right to mess up other people’s lives jobs and money?

    You are a selfish, spoilt little Brat !

  146. 146
    Giles Clarke says:

    I`m sorry Guido Fawkes, but we are not asking for £17billion from the UK government.


    Giles Clarke

  147. 147
    Caliphates R us says:

    British spring ? I thought you would be against the Islamification of our country but if thats what you want you must be pleased with the progess so far.

  148. 148
    One trick ponies can be extemely useful says:

    If you had a serious heart condition that required immediate surgery otherwise you would die. Would you be that concerned that the skilled heart surgeon who is an expert in this field could not play the guitar ?

  149. 149
    Gordon Brown says:

    Not exactly I have cunningly kept back some uranium and hidden it on a beach in my constituency.

  150. 150
    Tachybaptus says:

    There is a church in the middle of Smith Square. It is said that if you go round a church widdershins you are abducted by the fairies. I have preferred never to put this to the test.

  151. 151
    Stifler says:

    Has anyone ever seen Alistair Darling and the actor who plays the dad in American Pie in the same room?

  152. 152
    Gordon Brown says:

    Why wasn’t I invited to Davros?

  153. 153
    Pietro de Manslime says:

    HAHAHA !!!1

  154. 154
    pool cleaner says:

    MANDELSLIME is a financial shape-shifter.

  155. 155
    Nick Clegg ( You ain`t seen me right) says:

  156. 156
    A Einstein says:

    The Human race is brief (nice).

  157. 157
    Tra Li says:

    Ho Hum: change the record somebody.

  158. 158
    Calamity Clegg says:

    What will Saint Vince say ?????????????

  159. 159
    Costcutter1 says:

    Greece will need an IMF loan after it has left the Euro to support the New Drachma, this would fit with George’s promise.

  160. 160
    Gordon Brown says:

    Aren’t cucumbers nice?

  161. 161
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Because they have enough kitchen staff to wash up.

  162. 162
    I don't need no doctor says:


  163. 163
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Labour say, we know we are liars but we are going to say it anyway.

  164. 164
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Yes and they have a higher IQ than you Gordon Gobshite.

  165. 165
    Petain says:

    Yeah, that`s what you told us.

  166. 166

    I have been inside St John’s and it is a fine example of English Baroque that was restored from bomb damage in WW2.

    Given that the sanction you specify has changed its meaning in modern parlance, I would also be chary of trying that.

    But then, using that slant, the first six words of my post would also condemn me…

  167. 167

    You forgot about us, Christine dear.

  168. 168
    Ah! Monika says:

    NB 2010

  169. 169
    K T Didd says:

    Are you Barry Humphries’ latest incarnation ?

  170. 170
    ST. VINCE says:

    Where’s my share?

  171. 171
    A Mayan says:

    haha!! What we tell you, ha? You no listen, no? Ah, but you listen now, si? You no make no plans for December 21st, si? You die!!

  172. 172
    Ed Curran says:

    That £7 billion is a one off loan whereas the £7 billion to British Northern Ireland is a yearly subvention.

  173. 173
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    A lot of small High-Street banks went to the wall in the US. Not sure if depositor’s funds were guaranteed by the US Gubmint though.

  174. 174
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    I haff a louduntboomertube!

  175. 175
    Jack says:


    Of course people loose their jobs when they work for a criminal organisation which gets caught

    And that criminal organisation should pay them for their loss if the Rule of Law applies

    If you believe in anything halfway decent, dear Nell, you should not be supporting that type of organisation which is as bad as Labour !

  176. 176
    LA Times Correspondent says:


    Citizen Kane Murdock produced New Labour as we now know…

  177. 177
    Jackie Chan says:

    No warmongering anti Iranian propoganda today Guido ?

    No instructions from Mossad ?!

  178. 178
    Mando Lynne says:

    Don’t forget voters, tomorrow’s Sunday, a day of religious significance.

    We can always ask the Bishops to take a collection!!!!!

  179. 179
    Expat Geordie says:

    This ALWAYS brings a lump to my throat. See the numbers at the end though and how even the Belgians supplied twice as many pilots as the French.

    Perhaps this film should be mandatory viewing for all politicians every Sunday until they finally get the bloody message.

  180. 180
    thick as thieves says:

    If I was a Portuguese, Spaniard or Italian right about now, I would be selling everything, I would be changing all the cash to another currency, sticking the money in suitcases and hiring a helicopter out of the country never to be seen again.

  181. 181

    Your adaptation more probably borrowed from Ogden Nash than Spike but no hard evidence. Burma Shave used it in their adverts in the 1930s. My father used to recite it when I was a child.

  182. 182
    The Doddering Old Fart says:

    1 Pound = 1 Euro
    1 Deutsche Mark = 1 Euro
    2 Pounds = 1 Deutsche Mark
    1 Deutsche Mark = 10 Euros
    1 Pound = 5 Euros
    2 Pounds = 1/2 Deutsche Mark
    1 Deutsche Mark = 150 Euros
    1 Pound = 100 Euros
    3 Pounds = 1 Deutsche Mark
    1 Deutsche Mark = Coming soon.

  183. 183
    MI6 officer says:

    They have to do dose the warmongering so that it is not too obvious

    But look at this


    Disaster for European economies even grater than the disaster caused by Bear Sterns, Lehman, Madot, Goldman Sachs and all the other put together

  184. 184
    MI6 officer says:

    You still refuse to accept proven facts

    Funny biased and incoherent blog this one !!

  185. 185

    Sehr Grosses LoudenBoomer und Alles Kaputt.

  186. 186
    AC1 says:

    Very few people actually pay tax. It’s mostly extorted.

  187. 187
    Sophie says:

    The pro EU at all costs Conservative Party will sell out the British taxpayer again & again to their brethren in the EU.

    Cameron out.

  188. 188
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    would that be “Obama Beach ” you dopey one eyed twat ?

  189. 189
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Who in their tiny minds would want to be paid in feckin Euro’s ?

  190. 190
    AC1 says:

    and it might not be a problem if it’s solely used to rebuild reserves (which have to be kept at the BoE) and thus will not enter circulation…

    When they do however…


    i.e. it’s not the printing, it’ll be the lowering of reserves that will vaporise the currency.

  191. 191
    Tachybaptus says:

    The Telegraph seems to be having a series of pictures making Clegg look silly (well, sillier). This one was in today’s:


    I had to scan it from the paper because it doesn’t seem to be anywhere on the web.

  192. 192

    Richard Gadsden looks like a fat, useless git, doesn’t he?

    Penny Red is another useless, ugly heap of shite.

    Never mind. Comment is free in some places.

    *How much blood did that spill?*

  193. 193
    AC1 says:

    The BBC is ALL FOR the “arab spring”, or to put it another way, the Jihad against western real rights…

    Egypt has already had a failed bond sale, and tourism is FUBARed too.

  194. 194
    MI6 officer says:

    Very logical and good thinking Nigel

    So the Greeks can paddle their own canoe without us ?

    Let’s see howo they do when they go broke in M

  195. 195
    AC1 says:

    I can’t take that list seriously. You forgot the U.N.!

  196. 196
    Angela Merkel says:

    Very logical and good thinking Nigel

    So the Greeks can paddle their own canoe without us ?

    Let’s see how they do when they go broke in March then

    They would not even be able to pay for their food imports….

    (Which University did you go to ?!)

  197. 197
    Calamity Clegg says:

    I just pledged that we FibDems would abolish Tuition Fees and she tried to stab me in the eyes !

  198. 198
    AC1 says:

    Shhh, the money to pay the interest is real.
    Next you’ll be asking if Democracy isn’t setup just to provide a revenue the rent-seeking classes.

  199. 199
    Angela Merkel says:

    Farage is a poney without a trick

  200. 200
  201. 201
    AC1 says:

    Well If he is it’d the biggest and best trick in the world….

    Perhaps you mean the rest of the political classes are all tricksters?

  202. 202
    AC1 says:

    No there’s the FDIC, that’s funded through a levy on other banks (and is ultimately “guaranteed” by the Federal government, however they could just print as a banking collpase would be massively deflationary).

  203. 203
    AC1 says:

    the E.U.S.S.R politburo? with their tiny minds.

  204. 204
    AC1 says:

    British Association of Plastic Surgeons…

    BAPS lol.

  205. 205
    Really is really good... says:

    They are all waste of space.

  206. 206
    Really is really good... says:

    We need to do our own thing. Collectivism has failed.

  207. 207
    Nothing New says:

    5 Arrested for paying cops.

    Can’t remember a time when cops refused the odd bob or three

  208. 208
    Ah! Monika says:

    Why not. you’ve more dough than the other ECB. And no Balls.

  209. 209
    Ah! Monika says:


    Why do losers always ” Crash out ” of tennis tournaments

    ANSWER:- Lazy and unimaginative journalism.

  210. 210
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    The kid almost got it right, she just needs to turn her fingers around :-)

  211. 211
    not a machine says:

    It is not our debt , it was not run up by our parliament , it is entirely the fault of the EU and the ECB for lending so much in the first place , tell me why we should have to have additional poverty for some elses national mismanagement .
    If we lend any thing its on asset ownership , the IMF has no idea if this will work or not … can any lib dem or lab tell me what happens if this doesnt work ??? right then dont take the piss or the shirt of the backs of those countries doing to hard work to get economy to work , EU has all but lost its major ecnomic arguments this week , to be honest they owe us an appology and compensation for foisting such a wonk ecnomic system upon us all in the first place , you know when does someone finall spit it out that , bigger pan national indebted socialism is as much as waste of time as little national socialism …………..

    perhaps we should ask Vinney to do a re shoot of BHF ad eh ed , “youve got to push the soviet really hard !” :)

  212. 212
  213. 213
    Sir Keith Josephs Preserved Head says:

    If the want £500bn I would say yes…


    1) the US and China stump up…

    2) Germany gives in and pays up to let the ECB issue eurozone bonds ie they pay for the rest of them…

    3) ALL plans for the FTT etc etc etc are dumped….. for ever

    It would humiliate Merkel and be worth it

    Incidentally this bloke Francois Holland who might replace Sarkozy…
    If we think petit Nico is bad… “Zhee reeche zsay shall pay”

  214. 214
    The rich immersive tennis experience says:

    There’s a lot of it about.

  215. 215
  216. 216
    Tessa Tickles says:

    The only trouble is, you lend them £500billion and three months’ later, when they’ve burned through it, they’ll want another £500billion. Even if they’re taking the additional cash off the Germans, it’s not doing anyone any good.

    It’s like lending money to a heavily-indebted alcoholic who immediately takes all the cash to the nearest off-license.

  217. 217
    AC1 says:

    + 30 million….

  218. 218
    AC1 says:

    Stupid idea to abolish tuition fees. Students should pay for their courses, AND parents should pay for their children’s education when their children are < 16.

  219. 219
    AC1 says:

    Straighten your tin foil hat!

  220. 220
    AC1 says:

    I think not.

    Germany’s “Wealth” is being owed by bankrupt countries which they export goods to in return for said IOUs.

  221. 221
    Crippling debts says:

    If they can come a long way to protest in central London, they can get out of the house and work for their benefits.

  222. 222
    Jethro says:

    32… Perhaps because, after an initial, decisive win – not actually by them, but on their behalf – by William The Bastard, they’ve lost against us… Agincourt, Crecy, Poitiers, Waterloo (another ‘not by them, but on their behalf’ – the little man was a Corsican), to say nothing of sundry battles in WWI & WWII: the English win against them, the Germans (almost x2), we rescue them (x2) – what more natural than that they should 1) hate, loathe, and despise us, and 2) expect us to come running to save them?
    Imagined conversation on the blower between The Quai d’Orsay and HM’s Treasury:
    ‘Sorry, old bean, can you say that again: it was a bit too… slurred for my Stenographers. Good lunch, was it?’
    Sorry, old chap, but all our translators are busy, off-sick, or on strike: do you want to write it down and send it, and we';; get it translated in the course of due?’
    ‘***%%%xxx~~^ ^…***’
    ‘I see; ‘NO SPEAKEE DE INGLIS’ eh? Right-ho! I’ll hang up…’
    ‘Uwait un moment…’
    ‘Ah, good, you’ve got an interpreter in… So what is it that you and your Government is begging?’
    ‘***XXX^^^ ^!’
    ‘NONG CONGPRENDAYS, old fruit. I’ll hang up. Sorry, what was that about a Jew-bastard? Good grief, are you still after poor old Dreyfus?’
    ‘ * %% ^…’
    ‘Non, non! No mention was eveur made to un batarde; Bataille, perhops: – our two nathions have fought so uften, shouldeur-to-shouldeur, backside-to-backside, viz you Eenglish so brilliantinely suppourting our great tacticians and strategists… It is obvious that, for enabling you to shine for so many years, we, the French, are due (We do not beg: we do not even ask!) several milliards…’
    ‘Desperately sorry, old chap: line not at all good. I’ll see what we can do about ‘un bateau’, some Brilliantine, and some Supporters: we might also be able to come up with a few tons of tacks, and a modest few Billiard-tables, balls, cues – we might even let you have some French Chalk! As to Monet: no can do, I’m afraid. Aren’t they all in the Louvre anyway, or else in some American place? So nice talking to you, old fellow. Pip pip.

  223. 223
    Jerome "Curly" Howard says:

    The kid’s been watching too many of our old pictures; here, I’m about to give the old eye-poke to my brother Moe, for a change:

  224. 224
  225. 225
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Socialist Student’s Motto: “Work is for the little people”.

  226. 226
    81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

    I luv this site

  227. 227
    The Reaper says:

    Only problem is Sir Joseph, that we are even more indebted than the rest of ‘em.

    So when the masters of the universe have finally worked this out, and the shit hits the fan, we’ll need all the help we can get, from anyone including these other basket cases.

  228. 228
    The Reaper says:

    You probably mean >16

  229. 229
    Ah! Monika says:

    Both Edinburgh Zoo pandas out of public view due to colic.

    Looks like we will soon have the same number of pandas as Tory MPs in Scotchland.

  230. 230
    Left wheel chair says:

    Crippling debts have you any idea what it costs to hire a wheelchair for a day?
    Thought not.

  231. 231
    Fuck Dave, Fuck George. It is time for the Tories to run the Tory Party. says:

    Osborne’s place at the top table is now unaffordable.

    Vote the twat down and make him cook his own meals.

    Dave and George are now possessed by power and are no longer making rational and national benefit decisions.

    What I do not understand is why Dave has decided to move from hero to zero.

    Time for the Tory Back benchers to make their mark.

  232. 232
    jgm2 says:

    She is funny though isn’t she?

    She’s like the main character in ‘Nighty Night’ who, when told her husband has got cancer, gives it ‘Why me?’

    It’s all about Laurie, baby.

  233. 233
    Why do Labour and Dave hate their country? says:

    I do not agree much with that Salmond bloke but at least he loves his country and puts His Counry first.

    I had thought Dave had at last done the same when he told Europe to fuck off. So did most of the country and his ratings soared but now he is TOTALLY backing down. May his Premiership end this year. The TWAT IS A TRAITOR.

  234. 234
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m not turning my computer on tomorrow. There’s a glitch in the works that will cause all the computers, video recorders and drinking fountains in the world to go wrong when we reach January 1st 2000.

  235. 235
    What the BBC cunts won't remind you about Hester's bonus says:

    but if you work at the Guardian it’s OK to get information by giving plods blow jobs.

  236. 236
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Is that before the Luftwaffe straffe the refugees as they flee Athens?

  237. 237
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    Question is, does nick clogslegs favour europ?

    I have a hunch he does.

  238. 238
    Gordon Brown says:

    I wonder if their nappies would fit me ?

  239. 239
    jgm2 says:

    Folk think I’m joking when I tell them how depressing Fucking Scotland is. ‘No!’, they say, ‘STOP!!’, you’re just over-doing it for comedy effect.

    Do you think the Pandas are over-doing it for comedy effect? I don’t know if it’s the shite weather or all the Radon leaking out of the rocks or the corrosive effect of 5 million dour fuckers who would clearly prefer to be dead than alive but it’s just an endlessly depressing place to live.

    You know how the English are famed world-wide for their under-stated nature? Their head is on fire and they give it ‘Oh, mustn’t grumble old chap….’

    Well Scotland is the exact opposite. The fuckers whine from morning to night about the most trivial things. They find fault in everything. They’re not happy unless their eyes are popping out of their skull with indignation.

    Look at the beetroot-faced Salmond. He’s not a one-off. He’s a fucking national blue-print. If a crimson-faced, heart-attack-in-waiting could be said to be ‘blue’.

  240. 240
    The Clegg Flaw says:

    Clegg does favour Europe. He sees himself as a good European first and a Britain fourth. He has no loyalty to Britain whch is quite understandable as his family are not British and he was educated over the seas in Europe.

    He has no notion that we are an Island nation that trades with the world and no just to Little Europe.

    Quite simply it never even occurs to Clegg that the British do not consider themselves European.

  241. 241
    Laurie Penny-farting says:

    I could easily captain the England cricket team in my spare time at running the Royal Bank of Scotland. Just pay me in fags and cigars.

  242. 242
    Euro Clegg says:

    Clegg does favour Europe. He sees himself as a good European first and a Britain fourth. He has no loyalty to Britain whch is quite understandable as his family are not British and he was educated over the seas in Europe.

    He has no notion that we are an Island nation that trades with the world and not just to Little Europe first.

    Quite simply it never even occurs to Clegg that the British people do not consider themselves as Europen.

  243. 243
    jgm2 says:

    I do not agree much with that Salmond bloke but at least he loves his country and puts His Counry first.

    Salmond is not motivated by love of his country. He is motivated solely by hatred of the English. Maybe he was on a school trip to London as a kid and somebody took the p155 out of his accent. Perhaps he was poisoned, as so many of his compatriots are, on their father’s knee. Maybe he thought ‘Braveheart’ was a documentary. We’ll never know.

    But his big political plan is to achieve independence from the hated English. And then promptly sign up to being ruled by the Europ*eans.

    Independence I could ‘get’. But this is just a big ‘FUCK YOU’ to England. It’s not love. It’s hate.

  244. 244
    Krap tonight says:

    That beach in Kirkcaldy will be a goldmine.

    I see that the EU Trojan horse delivered to Athens last year is about to dump on the Greek population, big time.

  245. 245
    Dave is no friend of mine says:

    Then why should Dave love or trust the Germans? FFS they have been nothing but trouble for donkey’s years. At least Salmond wants to protect his national idendity.

    A few weeks ago things were suddenly and surprisingly looking up when Dave stood up for Britain against the franco german attack and now he has fully capitulated. It makes one sick.

  246. 246
    davros at the proms says:

  247. 247
    Tessa Tickles says:

    “Maybe he was on a school trip .. Perhaps he was poisoned .. Maybe he thought ‘Braveheart’ ..”

    More likely, it’s because he’s just an archetypal thick Scottish cunt.

  248. 248
    Tessa Tickles says:

    This is because Dave is also a thick Scottish cunt.

    There’s a pattern forming here, isn’t there?

  249. 249
    Tessa Tickles says:

    If you’re that disabled, you get a wheelchair for free.

    Social services will deliver it to your door.

    “No they don’t Tessa, how can you say that??”

    Next door neighbour. Became disabled, got free wheelchair.

  250. 250
    Frau Merkel says:

    Then Mr Thief you must be thick. My colonies have adopted my currency and to sell it would be sheer folly, indeed it will not be long when to do so will be illegal.

    The only obstacle to our Grand plan is the Atlantic Island of Britain but we are gradually dividing them in order to conquer.

  251. 251
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Cam & Obo will squander more of our money thank McMental every did.

    These too are on another planet if they think I am going to work my arse of in order to give some feckless k unt abroad our hard earned cash.

  252. 252
    AC1 says:

    looks like a p43d0

  253. 253
    AC1 says:

    Any films that aren’t totally shit?

  254. 254
    AC1 says:


    People over 16 pay for their own education.
    People under 16 get their parents to pay.

  255. 255
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Someone needs to tell the sweaty’s that Panda’s don’t live on Irn Bru and deep fried Mars bars.

  256. 256
    jgm2 says:

    Or Buckfast.

  257. 257
    Observer says:

    A Conservative Prime Minister should not throw taxpayer funds into supporting this nonsense euro project, even when it is rebadged as IMF.

  258. 258
    jgm2 says:

    Salmond is anything but stupid. And, while I may characterise Gordon Brown as ‘The Maximum Imbecile’, both of them possess a certain low cunning that enables/has enabled them to insert themselves at the point of most potential damage.

    And, like the Maximum Imbecile, I fully expect Salmond to do the maximum possible damage. He is motivated by some vicarious national hatred of Edward I and so, to ‘punish’ the English, he plans to fuck off with all ‘our’ oil. But just as Salmond has outmanoeuvred Labour’s plans for a thousand year Reich in Fucking Scotland then he will find that his plans for a prosperous independence financed by oil will be hi-jacked by either a show of hands in Brussels;

    ‘Zis parliament believes zat ze natural resources of all ze Community waters be shared equally by all ze countries and apportioned according to zeir populations…’

    Or he’ll find the S&P slung out as Labour promises to squander all the oil wealth on free stuff. Right now. ‘Why can’t we use this oil money to give everybody free Ferraris. The S&P is wasting this money – we should all have free Ferraris..’ In fact – squandering the oil money right now will be presented as a poverty of ambition. What Labour will do is calculate the total likely future revenues over (say) 20 years and then squander all that money. Right now. Just as they did over the last 13 years in the wider UK.

    Scotland is fucked. Finished. The only hand-brake on total lunacy is about to be removed. The occasional, sobering influence of a national T*ry government.

    Glad I got out before the big flashing neon sign on the wall got switched on.

  259. 259
    'Gypsy' Dave Cooper says:

    Why is anyone surprised?

    Politicians are liars.

    Cast iron promises mean jack as we all know full well, same shite just different colours. God knows we need some serious change in this country but where it might come from is any bodies guess.

    And no, UKIP are not the bloody answer.

  260. 260

    Even by your standards, jgm2, that post was brilliant.

    Have a good evening. :-)

  261. 261
    Well it's a thought says:

    Conservative Prime Minister?, surely your taking the piss, this lot are specialists in lieing, taxing, expenses and powerpoint.

  262. 262

    There is certainly a sort of person who seems dissatisfied with their appеarance/lack of charm/lack of wits and who then attempt to compensate for it (in a way which makes it even worse) through their politics.

    He is one such IMO.

  263. 263
    It's tough being a champagne socialist says:

  264. 264

    Mostly completely different on the islands and most places in the Highlands and Ayrshire, in my experience where I have often found friendly and even helpful folk.

    The lowlife all congregate in the Glasgow-Edinburgh conurbation with its ghastly satellites like Motherwell, Hamilton, Falkirk/Grangemouth and East Kilbride.

    In fact, there are more or these shitholes than there are gents’ toilets in Hampden Park.

  265. 265
    Mungo Dungo Bungo says:

    Correct but the country has not had a Conservative Prime Minister since Mrs Thatcher stood down.

  266. 266
    'Gypsy' Dave Cooper says:

    Just fuck off. Nobody cares.

    Awful woman.

  267. 267
    The home of the Original and Best Chicken Tikka Masala Pizza says:

    Clegg is a Dutchman

  268. 268
    Cell time says:

    The Perfect Trick at the pefect time is pri(eless, only want that one trick!

  269. 269
    Ordinary Joe says:

    Fitting in a bit of a break in between jobs is not much fun.

  270. 270
    False Beard says:

    I think she is even worse than the Blair man. At least the Cherie did not pretend to be other than who she was and by all accounts she is a good lawyer.

  271. 271
    Another Engineer says:

    Absolutely. Its the bit between the Highland Boundary Fault and the Southern Upland Fault that is the problem.

    I must say though, that if I lived in Motherwell, Hamilton, Cumbernauld, Falkirk or Kirkaldy, I’d be moaning endlessly too.

  272. 272
    I could weep says:

    Nice one Dave. Charge a single person the same council tax as a family of six living next door.

    That is really progressive and fair. NOT

  273. 273

    Yes. But why do the bastards continue to moan even when they get out.

    It is all down to conditioning and all the English have done is throw more and more money at them so they smoke and drink more so they die 10 years earlier than the UK average.

    Good playing last night BTW! I thought Le Comte would walk it. I am sure that Paragnostic was exaggerating when he said you keep a Mechanical Turk in your slide-rule case…

  274. 274
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    Fecking marvellous! Nail, meet head!

    *stands up and applauds*

  275. 275
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    10 arbitrary points for the name alone!

  276. 276
    Jerome "Curly" Howard says:

    CERTAINLY! Our short comedy “Men In Black,” not to be confused with the Will Smith-Tommy Lee Jones effort, was nominated for an Academy Award in 1934, I shit you not. As for most of the others, we just pretty much recycled the same jokes over and over again because our studio didn’t want our pictures good, they wanted them next week. We was victims of circumstance! WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO…

  277. 277
    Ed and circuses says:

    It’s called politics folks. Nothing has changed since vote buying in Rome.

  278. 278
    Auntie says:

    Pay our license fee even if you don’t like our shit, or we’ll lock you up.

  279. 279
    Anonymous says:

    Er, stabbed in the back you mean.

  280. 280
    Waitress in a pretty apron says:

    Or bamboo flavoured scotch eggs.

  281. 281
    Waitress in a pretty apron says:

    jgm = jolly good, mate?
    or: Jimmy goes mad?

  282. 282
    Waitress in a pretty apron says:

    Pick oop thy moosket Jack??

  283. 283
    Waitress in a pretty apron says:

    The door is over there >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  284. 284
    Really? says:

    Woke up to news Cameron is to allow the EZ to use the institutions of the EU for their business, rather than having to set up parallel ones of their own. Was expecting to hear about the armload of concessions which he had won on our behalf in exchange for this act of generosity.

    Still waiting…

  285. 285
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    Collectivism / socialism always fails and always ends with poverty and misery.

  286. 286
    Divide and Rule says:

    Who’d have thought Procul Harum would be causing so much strife in Nigeria? The title Whiter Shade of Pale clearly didn’t go down too well with the locals.

  287. 287
    MB. says:

    The Olympic police state has started

    Furious fans have perfume and make-up confiscated at Hampden

    Laura Black, 26, from Kilmarnock said: “Security took a bottle of perfume from me. It was Chanel Coco Mademoiselle and cost nearly £100.

    “Nobody notified us beforehand. There was no warning and nothing on our tickets. This isn’t an airport and we’re not criminals. I always carry perfume in my bag.”

    Nicola Lindsey, 26, also of Kilmarnock, said: “A woman behind me asked if she could pick up her perfume after the match but they said no. She was so upset.”


  288. 288
  289. 289
    Raving Loon says:

    sorry, the UN as well.

  290. 290
    Son of Paleface says:

    There’s really no Hope for them. I’m outta here.

  291. 291
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    And if you go there and tell one of them dreadful orange men what you fuckin think of them they arrest you as well.

    The country has gone to the fucking dogs I tell you.

    Give them Scottish fellers in skirts their independence I say.

  292. 292
    Gordon Brown says:

    Grapes make me angry.

  293. 293
    Moley. says:

    This criticism of the EU, (and all “Socialist Democracies”) was written before the EU existed.

    It should be a warning to all Cameronians and Obamanites.


  294. 294
    Ah! Monika says:

    Labour Lasagne-eater to Balls Minor:
    ‘Well done. You’d make a great leader of the Labour Party’
    Balls Minor:
    ‘No, my mummy is going to get that job

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2093281/Ed-Yvette-cook-lasagne-gate-dinner-party-plot-unseat-Ed-Miliband-Labour-leadership.html#ixzz1kq9Vk3zi

  295. 295
    Sir Walter Scott says:

    The increasing habit for Scottish bullies to steal is an unpleasant one which seems to have been learned from the likes of Blair and Brown. The only thing for it is to avoid the place until the madness passes. It will probably take a couple of generations to re-civilise the place.

  296. 296

    Yeah, thanks. You could have warned us that the page contains a particularly horrific photo of Ed Milipede’s face.

    I’m also concerned about references to Balls’s “children”. I knew he had one child, but two or more sounds like the start of an infestation. I hope Hackney’s branch of Rentokill get round there and gas them before it gets out of hand.

  297. 297
    Durr says:

    Why is that prick Manglebum in Davos?

  298. 298
    Unaligned voter says:

    I’l just call you dickhead like I always do, thanks.

  299. 299
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    LOL !

  300. 300
    Quantrill says:

    Tax Credits: A device invented by our politicians to enable employers to pay wages so low that people cannot live on them, they, the employers not employees, are then subsidised by Tax Credits.

    Housing Benefit: A device created by our politicians to allow the grubby rent seeking classes to charge astronomic rents so high that many working people cannot afford them. They, the landlords, are then subsidised by the payment of Housing Benefit.

    Think about it. Who is fooling who.

  301. 301

    Ich habe immer kieselrauputz die schussel nach einem zwielichigen curry

  302. 302
    Mrs Higginsbottom says:

    If you’d done your job properly instead of f**king off to South America, then there wouldn’t be.

  303. 303
    Ah! Monika says:

    All Mad Mili has to do is sack Balls and his ratings would shoot past Cameron’s.

    And to keep ahead, chose another victim every 6 months. He wouldn’t miss any of them.

  304. 304
    Quantrill says:

    Ich hatte ein Kamerad

  305. 305
    Ah! Monika says:

    Or to be more colloquial
    Ich habe immer kiesel rauputz die schüssel nach einem zwielichtigen curry

  306. 306
    Ah! Monika says:

    How about branding them ” Wets” ; that works.

  307. 307
    Quantrill says:

    Global warming then??

  308. 308
    The Paragnostic says:

    I remember it from Jimmy “Schnozz” Durante, but that’s nearly as long ago as Spike.

  309. 309
    albacore says:

    Sod the smellies.
    Fragrant Fawkes don’t even let you comment on the freedom of gesture, right here, right now.
    No need to get in a paddy, just ‘cos you’re going to have to cha-cha around Smith Square sans even daffodils, ducky.

  310. 310
    Fred Swarfega says:

    After 35 years of graft building roads and town centres with posh pads for the idle rich, I am now disabled. If you want what I’ve got Tessa you can have it for free you snurdy cow. You really have no idea do you.

  311. 311
    John Devine says:

    Heaven hath no fury like a nation robbed by evil bastards like you.

  312. 312

    Bend over Nicolas , it’s time for your medicine !

  313. 313
    Another Engineer says:

    True, maybe they do.

    I think its a bit of a myth that the English don’t moan, though. Isn’t this site just one big moan fest? With a large chunk of anger thrown in. It is just we moan about different things.

    As for the Turk. – what a fantastic piece of engineering that was, player under the table or no. I guess the modern equivalent would be running Fritz in a windows VM…not that I would stoop that low.

  314. 314

    Progress may have been all right once, but it went on too long.

  315. 315
    The Paragnostic says:

    Finding a fucking Shire Horse in Switzerland must have been a bit of a bastard too. Or did Cyclops pack the rocking horse?

  316. 316
    mr floppy watch says:

    morning mr floppy

  317. 317
    The Paragnostic says:

    Eee, lad – I remember when change were change, and things could only get better.

    When t’ workhouse turfed you out hours before t’pub opened, and tha had to beg for t’dole and a warm lass for t’ keep tha flies off!

    Buggers now – don’t know they’re born, and most of em don’t know their fathers!

  318. 318
    plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. says:

    Don’t worry Paragnostic, it won’t be long before you’ll be found wandering the streets with your trousers and incontinence nappies around your ankles shouting inanities at the locals. Oops, sorry, you do that now don’t you?

  319. 319
    Anonymous says:

    Trouble is, the little fucker enjoys it so much.

  320. 320
    John Devine says:

    Surely you would want a canton horse ….. although transport from Texas might be expensive : http://cantonhorsesale.com/

  321. 321

    Several other people have said Jimmy Durante to me in the last 24 hours.

    However Ogden Nash, like Winston Churchill and Oscar Wilde, is one of those convenient repositories for quotations that no one can really attribute satisfactorily.

  322. 322
    MB. says:

    Which is better for the Conservatives Ed Milliband or Ed Balls as Labour leader?

    In the Mail ….

    £21K-a-day David Miliband exploits tax loophole that his Government pledged to close


  323. 323

    I feel sorry for the fathers actually. All those millions of sperm to choose from and they had to get cυnts like these…

  324. 324
    David laws Lib Dem fiddler says:

    I hope the Tory rebels force a party leadership election to focus Cameron’s mind. He is starting to think he is invincible and can do what he likes irrespective of his party or the the people of this nation. We want to remain a sovereign nation state not part of a Clegg Pan European State.

    Too much taxpayers’ money is wasted on the EU instead of the UK. The single currency is a disaster and should not be propped up any further. If the Germans and French want it they pay for it.

    Parliament should decide our laws and regulation for the way the people of this country is governed not unelected, unaccountable secret figures in Europe. MPs need to stand up and do what they are paid for. Not rubber stamp EU laws.

  325. 325
    cuпt junior says:


  326. 326
    Nelson's Eye says:

    “These little PIIGS went to Merkel”

  327. 327
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    Ed has had a lot of very bad luck since becoming leader.

    remember Balls is his second choice shadow chancellor following that unfortunate incident involving that policeman and Johnson’s wife.

    Just why Ed has to lose out beats me and is one of the reasons I never use the phrase ‘civil servant’. nothing very fucking civil about that fucking pension proofed public servant.

    I bet he said he was only obeying orders. I bet he fucking was. who was pulling his plonker I would like to know.

    AS for little miss goody holier than though Cooper she actually believes she saved the Banking industry by banning short selling. what a silly bitch she really is.

    She can’t even skin that tarty Saint Teresa May not even if you gave her a fucking tin opener.

    Ed should get his hands out of his trousers sack Balls Cooper Dromey ( m&f) and defrock Goodwin and Speaker fuckin Martin.

    At the next PMT’s he should really punch Cameron in the nose by spitting at him and asking for details as to who was pulling that policeman’s string.

    I bet the fat Hunt will start blaming Gordon Brown!

    Thank Christ for the good old Treaty of Rome as I don’t have to live in fucking England.

  328. 328
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps says:

    Europe needs to make a choice. It can only afford to pay one of the Greek bailout or the expenses bills of UKIP MEPs.

  329. 329
    Tits Down says:

    Scottish lingerie tycoon Michelle Mone threatens to move to England if Scotland votes for independence, but First Minister Alex Salmond says business tax would be lowered.

  330. 330
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps says:

    Thought there was a smell around. It’s Fondling Farrago and Dick Sniffin.

  331. 331
    Privatising the profits, socialising the costs says:

    Employers and property parasites. Two vested interests keeping the borders wide open, and fuck the consequences for the rest of the country.

    They must have their profits even if it means balkanisation, ethnic replacement and eventual civil war for Britain.

  332. 332
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps says:

    There is an easy way to fund further bailouts. Confiscate all Goldman Sachs assets in Europe for conspiring with the Greek government to hide the true debt position (through off balance sheet tricks) at the time of the Greek budget problems in 2001. Why are Europe not doing this. It was conspiracy to mislead the purchasers of Greek government bonds. Side benefit; you would have to get rid of Draghi as chief of the ECB since he was Goldman Sachs VP running the unit responsible for the Greek deal. You could also get rid of the new Greek PM as he was the then Greek minister who stitched the deal together with Goldman Sachs. My estimate is that such an action would raise £30-50 billion.

  333. 333
    The Paragnostic says:

    “wandering the streets …” etc.

    I wasn’t aware of my plans to retire to Glasgow, but now that you point out my future, I shall move there forthwith so as not to stand out.

  334. 334
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps says:

    Who is Davos?

  335. 335
    81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

    It is good to have real mates

  336. 336
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps says:

    I will not hear a word against Violet Elizabeth Miliband. We need such entertainment. The latest minutes of the Shadow Cabinet have just been released (with apologies to LOB).

    Miliband; If you don’t all behave I’ll Thcweam and I’ll thcweam. Now… to our pwans. We need a pwan to wuin Camewon.

    Bollox; Ow about changing leader.

    Miliband; Take ith name Hawman. (thcweam). I hath a cunning pwan. What fwightens the pwebs? Cwime!! We need a tough cwime swategy. We can wuin Camewon by bwinging back the wope and the wack.

    Shadow Cabinet chorus; thcweam! thcweam!

  337. 337
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    lol – modbot will never get you now 81IIy.

  338. 338
    Anonymous says:

    WTF are you on Paragnostic? This is an everyday occurrence in today’s Britain, you really should get out more ffs. It’s no use hiding in your ivory tower away from your subjects mate.

  339. 339
    hair bare says:

    I love the smell of Βillу’s shitty cock in the morning.

  340. 340
    Anonymous says:

    I really don’t know if it’s best to have Cameroon in charge in this current crisis with his sub David Brent management bollocks, or a true radical and visionary. It’s a close call.

  341. 341
    Well you said it! says:

    Hahahahahaha… It looks like it may just come true Guido.

    Very scary indeed.

  342. 342
    Ozzy says:

    + 50 billion

  343. 343
    No more Barry'O'Bummer! says:

  344. 344
    Gazpacho says:

    Your kind DISGUSTS me. Whoever serves it warm?

  345. 345
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Yawn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

  346. 346
    Larry the Cat says:

    Guido lives !

  347. 347
    The last Conservative PM resigned in 1990 says:

    “A Conservative Prime Minister”……. ??? Have we got one then ?? Who is it ??

  348. 348
    Reichskanzler Merkel to announce newGreek Gauleiter tomorrow says:

    The Eurozone Summit should be a laugh tomorrow as Greeks tell Germans to fuck off

  349. 349
    Small man watch says:

    Paragnostic if your vile Bigoted comments were directed at blacks then you would be considered a racist, but as they are directed at scots then legally you aren’t. Legal nicities aside, Youre still the same odious cesspit of a human being as a racist though as you think in exactly the same way. What a horrible individual you are.

  350. 350
    A Brian Surgeon says: says:

    Ein Kugel kam geflogen

  351. 351
    The Paragnostic says:

    Oh, dear – have I upset you with my bigotry, Small Man Watch?

    I really must stop being nasty to Jocks, lest I offend your sort. I must also stop being nasty about Israelis and Muslims, just in case your Kike or Mad Mullah personas take offence.

    Tell you what – why not just grow a pair and tell us of the great achievements of Scotland the nation, and make yourself feel a little less chippy.

  352. 352
    The Paragnostic says:

    Anyone hear the latest “charity” appeal on R4?

    The one where some well-funded “peacemaker” group in Africa saves a village by buying off the rebels with some medicine and food?

    Is this some new definition of charity, post Blair? Fund a fundie, sponsor a state thug, Adopt A Warlord?

    I thought that was what the foreign aid budget was for, ffs.

  353. 353
  354. 354
    8 Ace: £1.49 says:

    If so, why did he take no notice when the Dutch voted down the Lisbon Treaty?

  355. 355
    Spartacus says:

    opinions differ

  356. 356
    Cynfeeaarr says:

    Please spare us any further of your doggerel!

  357. 357
    The Doddering Old Fart says:

    In that case:- 1 Deutsche Mark 300 Euros

  358. 358
    Cynfeeaarr says:

    And yet more doggerel.

  359. 359
    Cynfeeaarr says:

    Oh what a wag!

  360. 360
    daveyone1 says:

    Yes my follower will vouch for this too!

  361. 361
  362. 362
    daveyone1 says:

    That should read followers LOL !!

  363. 363
    Linda says:

    hi, Ryan Blackburn here, owner of tapepd self serve beer bar in yorkshire, just wondering who is kit galer?please e-mail ryan@tapepdbars.co.uk or look on our website tapepdbars.co.uk for any information you might needcheers

  364. 364

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Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

“It would be a fatal mistake, in my view, for Labour to go into this election looking as though it is the party that would better resource the National Health Service but not necessarily put its foot to the floor when it comes to reforming. Look, reforms are not easy, but the Labour Party is not a conservative party. It should be about moving things forward not preserving them in aspic. You have got a pale imitation actually of the 1992 general election campaign, and maybe it will have the same outcome. I don’t know.”

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