January 23rd, 2012

Totty Watch: Sexy (Home) Secretary


  1. 1
    aye says:

    would rather they just got on with thier jobs than whoring themselves to the media.


  2. 2
    Selohesra says:

    I would


  3. 3
    Mister Ed says:

    Bit of a moose?


  4. 4
    Dickie Keys says:

    I’d smash it


  5. 5
    jgm2 says:

    I didn’t recognise her without her spacesuit.


  6. 6
    Yuk says:

    Attention-seeking, that’s all.


    • 16
      Cheap electric cars for all says:

      Pray that you are correct because my fear was that she is setting herself up to be our new energy secretary


      • 26
        Grumpy Old Man says:

        That’s a demotion, Why would she want that? The Minister of Huhnery is a LimpDick agreed post anyway.


  7. 7
    Postal Vote says:

    Don’t look under the hood or under the car, you might discover some rust!


  8. 8
    Bricktop says:

    NOT art pamphlet material.


  9. 9
    Well it's a thought says:

    Hang on ,while I replace my sick bag.


  10. 10
    Loungelizard says:

    I’d hoped to see the back of celeb politicos with the demise of Brown’s government, this sort of thing hardly brings gravitas to the offices of state. Still they both look a hell of a lot better than those miserable potato faced harpies from the left.


  11. 11
    Terrible But True says:


    Last time I was served slow-to-no ‘news’ media self-promotional delusion on this level was Jacquie Smith coyly pretending to be distracted by all the male attention to her decolletage.

    Didn’t end well for her, either.

    Trying to get peroxide-addled assistant managers, with sterns to rival HMS Rodney, in the local council officers to tear ‘emselves away from the mirror to to their sodding jobs is hard enough, so mutton dressed as heifers flouncing around at government level being indulged is not going to help on the role model front much.

    Or when it’s done by the women.


  12. 12
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Irregular verb:

    I am sick in my hand
    You are welcome to it
    Guido approves.

    As for Louise Mensch – if you came downstairs and found her on the hall carpet you’d slap your dog.


  13. 13
    Iprintmyown businesscards says:

    She should get her e mails out!


    • 23
      Tony Eden from Eton says:

      I feel sure the lady’s innate modesty will prevent her from revealing her e mails.

      However a simple Press Release confirming that Brodie Clark’s Employment Tribunal case has been struck out as showing no reasonable cause of action would be very nice.


      • 59
        Holly says:

        She’s already revealed these babies, it’s just that she’s choosy about who she reveals what to.
        Now everyone’s jealous ‘cos they all want a peek.
        Especially Vaz…The old mucky pup.


  14. 15
    The Paragnostic says:

    Might be worth checking for collar and cuffs – a silver snatch is not to be sniffed at…


    • 56
      Must get a pseudonym one day says:

      But not when it’s the size and shape of a horse’s collar, as it is rumoured to be.


  15. 18
    Lard Pressclot says:

    Has she got her skirt caught in her knickers ??

    See me in Admiralty House. IMMEDIATELY !


  16. 19
    Sir Keith Josephs Preserved Head says:

    Attractive is relative of course…
    put her in a line up where the other options are Diane and Harriet


  17. 20
    Richard Chimney says:

    The only crumb of comfort is that at least it’s got ( slightly ) more appeal than Jacqui ( FiveBellies ) Smith.


  18. 21
    Albert Hall says:

    Not sure what’s best in bed, Guido in his best suit or the HS with no clothes on.


  19. 22
    Gonk says:

    She’s beautifully groomed and if I were not married would ask her
    to the pictures.


  20. 24
    Sophie says:

    Utterly incompetent Theresa May:

    Immigration higher than under Labour.

    Resign woman.

    Vote UKIP


  21. 28
    Don't think so says:

    I’ve met Mrs May and though I found her tremendously enjoyable to talk to and the sort of person I would cheerfully share a bottle of wine with, I don’t really associate her with the word “totty”.

    On the other hand I can’t help wondering if she’s had a full body wax…


  22. 32
    Jacqui Smith says:

    Aren’t I sexy?


  23. 33
    pissed off voter says:

    Totty? Amazing how language evolves.


    • 40

      Indeed, when i was a slip of a lass, ” totty ” was an affectionate term for a small child, a toddler, now it has an overt sexual overtone….oh dear, i wish i had`nt written this now.


      • 53
        My Lord Prizclot, LieBore Illumination and gourmand says:

        You write what you want deary, – as long as we don’t lose sight of what I’m here for.

        Phwoooar! getaloadathat!


  24. 37
    TheRealJoePublic says:

    Totty Watch??, more like mutton dressed as offal (or awful if you prefer).


  25. 42
    Anonymous says:

    Has Arthur Scargill had a sex change?


  26. 43
    Dr Faustus says:

    This wasn’ t the face that launched a thousand ships,
    And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?


    • 48
      Something for the older gentlemen says:

      True…but I bet it it got ‘em a bit hot n’ bothered in the shires….there’s a lot to be said for a maturer lady !!!


  27. 51

    Well – better than Jacqui … what was her name, I so pleasantly forget … oh yes, Smith.

    I’ll leave you lot to fight this one out and keep my boat in dry dock for now.


  28. 54
    Vercingetorix says:

    These pictures have put me off my breakfast


  29. 55
    J. Choo says:

    There are no leopardskin print shoes in evidence, so, my dear Watson, I deduce that this woman is an impostor.


  30. 58
    Anonymous says:

    After regime change she can be arrested, stripped, and chained in Trafalgar Square for public use. Until execution time.


  31. 60
    sockpuppet #4 says:



  32. 61
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Norman Smith, BBC twat, stop stirring it up about children becoming homeless, just because benefits is to be capped at £26,000 p.a. It’s all lefty bollocks.


    • 67
      Selohesra says:

      Homeless is being defined as children having to share bedroom rather than not actually having a home to live in. A rather misleading definition of homeless which the media seem uninterested in clarrifying


    • 89
      Firestarter says:

      Homeless is my speciality.


  33. 62
    Onlyinthedarkdear says:

    Blimey, this post is like sex with a Chinese girl in a lift; fucking Wong on many levels.


  34. 63
    cheche says:

    Polly Twaddle on SKY thinks that living on £26.000 p.a. is “absolute destitution” I wish I had her money


    • 68
      genghiz the kahn says:

      The £26K is still above average earnings.

      Looks like Polly T is upset about families having CB cut if earnings are above £42K, out of touch, and away from reality.


      • 78
        I don't need no doctor says:

        Adopt one of the families affected Polly. Put your generosity with tax payers money where your mouth is.


  35. 64
    Sir Ian Paisley says:

    B-lair tax bill….
    The £12 million income, up 42% on the previous year, was filed by Windrush Ventures, one of Mr Blair’s many companies. However, almost £11 million of this income was written off as ‘administrative expenses’ and hence classed as tax allowable.

    £11 million written off as administrative expenses????????


    • 77
      I don't need no doctor says:

      Blair doesn’t care. Anyone that lied over Iraq where thousands of lives have been lost will not bother about tax fiddling.


  36. 65
    Eurgh! says:

    This is ironic right?


  37. 69
    Future PM. says:

    You can put lipstick on a pig…


  38. 70
    Edinburh Shity says:



  39. 71
    resign you silly old tart says:

    What an appalling thing for the holder of one the great offices of State to do. It would perhaps be forgiveable if she could do her fucking job well, but as it is, the photographer was probably some undocumented immigrant recently arrived on the train from Lille.


  40. 73
    Fred the Shred says:

    I’d lend her one.


  41. 74
    Geronimo says:

    Guido I think you should have gone to Specsavers!


  42. 76
    Cecil Parkinson says:

    Rather lovely pictures of the next Tory Prime Minister. She gets my vote every time.


  43. 84
    dickiebo says:

    Guido approves…
    Awww c’mon now! Until now I have respected your judgement, but……………


  44. 86
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Daily Politics. Why are labour guests always allowed to spout on longer than cons or libs. And why does Jo Coburn never interrupt a labour guest?


  45. 91
    Old Heathers says:

    Being a retired butler of the old school, I do not always find it easy to understand the modern world. Whilst, during my time in service, I had the honour to serve in a number of illustrious Homes, I do not remember a single Home that required the services of a Secretary. Still, I do not question that ‘Home Secretary’ is indeed this person’s station in life. I furthermore deduce that the colloquial term for a holder of such a post is ‘Totty’.
    How strange it all seems, but I venture to suggest that it is no stranger than the fact that the present Conservative prime minister is apparently the daughter of a provincial grocer.


  46. 92
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    And who did she get to do the photo shoot? Cosmopolitan? She’s been airbrushed to within an inch of her life.


  47. 97
    TGF UKIP says:

    Perhaps it should Gigolo Fawkes and if you are going to ply the cruise trade, Guido, would advise you to steer well clear of Italian vessels.


  48. 99
    Jess The Dog says:

    Why can’t they get on with the bloody day job and stop looking like posturing idiots.

    There’s a downturn on, don’t you know?
    Cut for Victory!
    Mothers – send them out of London!
    Save kitchen subsidies for the pigs!


  49. 102
    Tommy Sheridan says:

    You English are clearly obsessed with sex.

    The sooner the Scots are given their independence the better.


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