January 23rd, 2012

Totty Watch: Sexy (Home) Secretary


  1. 1
    aye says:

    would rather they just got on with thier jobs than whoring themselves to the media.

  2. 2
    Selohesra says:

    I would

  3. 3
    Mister Ed says:

    Bit of a moose?

  4. 4
    Dickie Keys says:

    I’d smash it

  5. 5
    jgm2 says:

    I didn’t recognise her without her spacesuit.

  6. 6
    Yuk says:

    Attention-seeking, that’s all.

  7. 7
    Postal Vote says:

    Don’t look under the hood or under the car, you might discover some rust!

  8. 8
    Bricktop says:

    NOT art pamphlet material.

  9. 9
    Well it's a thought says:

    Hang on ,while I replace my sick bag.

  10. 10
    Loungelizard says:

    I’d hoped to see the back of celeb politicos with the demise of Brown’s government, this sort of thing hardly brings gravitas to the offices of state. Still they both look a hell of a lot better than those miserable potato faced harpies from the left.

  11. 11
    Terrible But True says:


    Last time I was served slow-to-no ‘news’ media self-promotional delusion on this level was Jacquie Smith coyly pretending to be distracted by all the male attention to her decolletage.

    Didn’t end well for her, either.

    Trying to get peroxide-addled assistant managers, with sterns to rival HMS Rodney, in the local council officers to tear ‘emselves away from the mirror to to their sodding jobs is hard enough, so mutton dressed as heifers flouncing around at government level being indulged is not going to help on the role model front much.

    Or when it’s done by the women.

  12. 12
    Tuscan Tony says:

    Irregular verb:

    I am sick in my hand
    You are welcome to it
    Guido approves.

    As for Louise Mensch – if you came downstairs and found her on the hall carpet you’d slap your dog.

  13. 13
    Iprintmyown businesscards says:

    She should get her e mails out!

  14. 14
    A proper right winger! says:

    I feel mildly ashamed and disgusted with myself…. So would I.

  15. 15
    The Paragnostic says:

    Might be worth checking for collar and cuffs – a silver snatch is not to be sniffed at…

  16. 16
    Cheap electric cars for all says:

    Pray that you are correct because my fear was that she is setting herself up to be our new energy secretary

  17. 17
    Well it's a thought says:


  18. 18
    Lard Pressclot says:

    Has she got her skirt caught in her knickers ??

    See me in Admiralty House. IMMEDIATELY !

  19. 19
    Sir Keith Josephs Preserved Head says:

    Attractive is relative of course…
    put her in a line up where the other options are Diane and Harriet

  20. 20
    Richard Chimney says:

    The only crumb of comfort is that at least it’s got ( slightly ) more appeal than Jacqui ( FiveBellies ) Smith.

  21. 21
    Albert Hall says:

    Not sure what’s best in bed, Guido in his best suit or the HS with no clothes on.

  22. 22
    Gonk says:

    She’s beautifully groomed and if I were not married would ask her
    to the pictures.

  23. 23
    Tony Eden from Eton says:

    I feel sure the lady’s innate modesty will prevent her from revealing her e mails.

    However a simple Press Release confirming that Brodie Clark’s Employment Tribunal case has been struck out as showing no reasonable cause of action would be very nice.

  24. 24
    Sophie says:

    Utterly incompetent Theresa May:

    Immigration higher than under Labour.

    Resign woman.

    Vote UKIP

  25. 25
  26. 26
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    That’s a demotion, Why would she want that? The Minister of Huhnery is a LimpDick agreed post anyway.

  27. 27
    David Blunkett says:

    So would I.

  28. 28
    Don't think so says:

    I’ve met Mrs May and though I found her tremendously enjoyable to talk to and the sort of person I would cheerfully share a bottle of wine with, I don’t really associate her with the word “totty”.

    On the other hand I can’t help wondering if she’s had a full body wax…

  29. 29
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Now then! Mrs May is doing very well for a woman.

  30. 30
    Maple Leaf says:

    Im a Canadian, sometimes you cant be too choosey.

  31. 31
    Huge Grunt says:

    What a saucy minx.

  32. 32
    Jacqui Smith says:

    Aren’t I sexy?

  33. 33
    pissed off voter says:

    Totty? Amazing how language evolves.

  34. 34

    That`s one of Joan Rivers` old gags, if you saw Yoko Ono floating in your swimming pool you`d punish your dog.

  35. 35
    Perse O'Nally says:

    Yes, mine’s rather full too!

  36. 36

    You dont spell plagiarist like that.

  37. 37
    TheRealJoePublic says:

    Totty Watch??, more like mutton dressed as offal (or awful if you prefer).

  38. 38

    Your husband obviously does`nt think so.

  39. 39
  40. 40

    Indeed, when i was a slip of a lass, ” totty ” was an affectionate term for a small child, a toddler, now it has an overt sexual overtone….oh dear, i wish i had`nt written this now.

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    It’s those long dark winters in the boonies that does it every time!

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

    Has Arthur Scargill had a sex change?

  43. 43
    Dr Faustus says:

    This wasn’ t the face that launched a thousand ships,
    And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    Whatever happened to that ginger git?

  45. 45
    Grim R. says:

    She should have her norks at least partially displayed.

  46. 46
    Caroline the Flint says:

    Window Dressing

  47. 47
    Wayne Rooney says:

    Has she got an older sister?

  48. 48
    Something for the older gentlemen says:

    True…but I bet it it got ‘em a bit hot n’ bothered in the shires….there’s a lot to be said for a maturer lady !!!

  49. 49
    A. Lecher says:

    Com’on darling – gettemout!!

  50. 50
    A. Barber - your local source in time of need says:

    Would Sir like anything for the weak end?

  51. 51

    Well – better than Jacqui … what was her name, I so pleasantly forget … oh yes, Smith.

    I’ll leave you lot to fight this one out and keep my boat in dry dock for now.

  52. 52
    Sophie says:

    She is worse than Blunkett – & that is as crap as you can get for HS.

    Blue Labour out.

    Vote UKIP

  53. 53
    My Lord Prizclot, LieBore Illumination and gourmand says:

    You write what you want deary, – as long as we don’t lose sight of what I’m here for.

    Phwoooar! getaloadathat!

  54. 54
    Vercingetorix says:

    These pictures have put me off my breakfast

  55. 55
    J. Choo says:

    There are no leopardskin print shoes in evidence, so, my dear Watson, I deduce that this woman is an impostor.

  56. 56
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    But not when it’s the size and shape of a horse’s collar, as it is rumoured to be.

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    I think we know now.

  58. 58
    Anonymous says:

    After regime change she can be arrested, stripped, and chained in Trafalgar Square for public use. Until execution time.

  59. 59
    Holly says:

    She’s already revealed these babies, it’s just that she’s choosy about who she reveals what to.
    Now everyone’s jealous ‘cos they all want a peek.
    Especially Vaz…The old mucky pup.

  60. 60
    sockpuppet #4 says:


  61. 61
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Norman Smith, BBC twat, stop stirring it up about children becoming homeless, just because benefits is to be capped at £26,000 p.a. It’s all lefty bollocks.

  62. 62
    Onlyinthedarkdear says:

    Blimey, this post is like sex with a Chinese girl in a lift; fucking Wong on many levels.

  63. 63
    cheche says:

    Polly Twaddle on SKY thinks that living on £26.000 p.a. is “absolute destitution” I wish I had her money

  64. 64
    Sir Ian Paisley says:

    B-lair tax bill….
    The £12 million income, up 42% on the previous year, was filed by Windrush Ventures, one of Mr Blair’s many companies. However, almost £11 million of this income was written off as ‘administrative expenses’ and hence classed as tax allowable.

    £11 million written off as administrative expenses????????

  65. 65
    Eurgh! says:

    This is ironic right?

  66. 66
    Anonymous says:

    Grotty watch.

  67. 67
    Selohesra says:

    Homeless is being defined as children having to share bedroom rather than not actually having a home to live in. A rather misleading definition of homeless which the media seem uninterested in clarrifying

  68. 68
    genghiz the kahn says:

    The £26K is still above average earnings.

    Looks like Polly T is upset about families having CB cut if earnings are above £42K, out of touch, and away from reality.

  69. 69
    Future PM. says:

    You can put lipstick on a pig…

  70. 70
    Edinburh Shity says:


  71. 71
    resign you silly old tart says:

    What an appalling thing for the holder of one the great offices of State to do. It would perhaps be forgiveable if she could do her fucking job well, but as it is, the photographer was probably some undocumented immigrant recently arrived on the train from Lille.

  72. 72
    M says:

    What next the Tory calendar girls !

  73. 73
    Fred the Shred says:

    I’d lend her one.

  74. 74
    Geronimo says:

    Guido I think you should have gone to Specsavers!

  75. 75
    Merely for research says:

    The one without the h is a lot better

  76. 76
    Cecil Parkinson says:

    Rather lovely pictures of the next Tory Prime Minister. She gets my vote every time.

  77. 77
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Blair doesn’t care. Anyone that lied over Iraq where thousands of lives have been lost will not bother about tax fiddling.

  78. 78
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Adopt one of the families affected Polly. Put your generosity with tax payers money where your mouth is.

  79. 79
    Blind old git says:

    Yes you can, but it does not improve the look of the pig.

  80. 80
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    GOM: that’s a naughty comment, but I like it.

  81. 81
    Prof.Brian's Cock says:

    I wonder if she takes it up the dark side

  82. 82
    Lady Linesman says:

    That was offside

  83. 83
    Mike with the Handy Cock says:

    Has she got a younger sister?

  84. 84
    dickiebo says:

    Guido approves…
    Awww c’mon now! Until now I have respected your judgement, but……………

  85. 85
    Spot the Dog says:


  86. 86
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Daily Politics. Why are labour guests always allowed to spout on longer than cons or libs. And why does Jo Coburn never interrupt a labour guest?

  87. 87
    Sick from stoke says:

    You don’t look at the hearth when poking the fire.

  88. 88
    Sick from stoke says:

    Girls with fat necks always swallow.

  89. 89
    Firestarter says:

    Homeless is my speciality.

  90. 90
    Jack Domehead says:

    I fucked a pig.

  91. 91
    Old Heathers says:

    Being a retired butler of the old school, I do not always find it easy to understand the modern world. Whilst, during my time in service, I had the honour to serve in a number of illustrious Homes, I do not remember a single Home that required the services of a Secretary. Still, I do not question that ‘Home Secretary’ is indeed this person’s station in life. I furthermore deduce that the colloquial term for a holder of such a post is ‘Totty’.
    How strange it all seems, but I venture to suggest that it is no stranger than the fact that the present Conservative prime minister is apparently the daughter of a provincial grocer.

  92. 92
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    And who did she get to do the photo shoot? Cosmopolitan? She’s been airbrushed to within an inch of her life.

  93. 93
    Handycock (Sexual Tourist on Taxpayer's Money) says:

    Has she got any grand daughters?

  94. 94
    Ms Wanda Legover says:

    Do you think they could do the same with Polly Twaddle, only dont stop at the last inch?

  95. 95
    Ms Wanda Legover says:

    Should`nt you keep your attentions on Mish Moneypenny?

  96. 96
    Ms Wanda Legover says:


  97. 97
    TGF UKIP says:

    Perhaps it should Gigolo Fawkes and if you are going to ply the cruise trade, Guido, would advise you to steer well clear of Italian vessels.

  98. 98
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    You still do, you still do.

  99. 99
    Jess The Dog says:

    Why can’t they get on with the bloody day job and stop looking like posturing idiots.

    There’s a downturn on, don’t you know?
    Cut for Victory!
    Mothers – send them out of London!
    Save kitchen subsidies for the pigs!

  100. 100
    Mike Lewis says:

    More like Mutton dressed as Mutton

  101. 101

    My new comedy novel about the PM replacing the Royals through a TV talent show has a Home Secretary called ‘Homey’, but he doesn’t look like this. Thankfully. http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Royal-Factor-ebook/dp/B006KX73CE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327333128&sr=8-1

  102. 102
    Tommy Sheridan says:

    You English are clearly obsessed with sex.

    The sooner the Scots are given their independence the better.

  103. 103
    Heidi Alexander says:

    I agree. Sob, sniff

  104. 104
    Heidi Alexander says:

    Not me

  105. 105
    John Bercowitz says:

    You must be bent. Or a millitwat–sorry, tautology.

  106. 106
    John Bercowitz says:

    For Polly you need diffent software–Gobshop.

  107. 107
    Billy Bellend says:

    A woman with a big arse shouldn’t wear a short dress.

Seen Elsewhere

UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath
Boris: Jihadis are W*nkers | Sun
Ed Miliband: International Sex Symbol | Telegraph

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers