January 16th, 2012

Order of the OTT for Jackie Ashley

Guido is happy to welcome Jacking Ashley into the Don’t Unseat Ed Miliband Association, but he’s not sure she’s doing the cause any favours with this morning’s hysterical hyperbole. While discussing Ed’s critics she compares their behaviour to US Marines urinating on dead Afghans:

“It’s a game that the Westminster village has always enjoyed. Nick Clegg was last year’s victim, now it’s Ed’s turn. If enough pundits treat him as the US marines treated the Afghan dead, and if the public notices and reflects this contempt back through opinion polls, then somehow or other he might collapse.”

They even link back to the Guardian’s own coverage of the incident, just in case you missed this gloriously unsubtle point. Guido is still trying to work out whether the comparison with holding the Leader of the Opposition to account was done with a straight face. He has a feeling it was…


140 Comments

  1. 1
    Chutney says:

    why don’t we have a full on blog attack on Jackie A?

  2. 2
    Has anyone seen Mike Hunt? says:

    Wow!

    One has to consider how they come to these thoughts.

    How many times has a Guardian writter been awarded this prize? and do they make the case against making drugs legal?

  3. 3
    A Spitfire circling over Dover says:

    Why do all lefty women look like mongs?

    • 7
      (the very attractive) Tessa Tickles says:

      Because they are mongs.

      • 26
        Onlyinthedarkdear says:

        Looking at her, you’d have to think that his affair with Ed Moribund’s ex-bit-of-skirt was done with the intention of getting caught and that he had sought the super-injunction in the counter-intuitive expectation that this would increase the chances of exposure!

      • 35
        København says:

        Tessa! Your language is getting even worse.

        Let’s try and get it right. They are fucking, shitting, cυnting mongs.

    • 137
      Ani Diot says:

      Jo Brand, Polly Toynbee, Harriet Harman, Jacqui Smith. All coulf be supermodels not a mong among them!

  4. 4
    Quite a coincidence says:

    I ran the piece passed my husband, Andrew Marr
    He said it seemed a fair summary.

    So there!

  5. 5
    Tessa Tickles says:

    “Nick Clegg was last year’s victim, now it’s Ed’s turn.”

    Actually, I believe Ed was also last year’s victim.

    I bet he’s always been a victim. I bet he was frequently ‘bogwashed’ at school, and now he’s going to be metaphorically pissed-on in adulthood. What a loser.

    • 10

      The Cif readers are excel at over exaggeration.
      Ed Balls was accused of being in the pocket of the Tories at the weekend.

      Ed Balls? Are you sure all you lefties are alright in the head?

    • 94
      Maximus says:

      Also explains its social engineering, and when you consider young Milimong would have been instantly deprived of his pocket money, its abject incompetence in economic matters. Faced with organized business its knee-jerk reaction for 13 years was “Here, have all of my money. Now please go away and leave me alone booo hoooo”, followed by “Bu….bu….but it was a big boy that did it, then he ran away” as the public excuse – in a sense true, but completely inexcusable.

    • 98
      Jabba the Cat says:

      You omitted the drawing pins on his chair…

  6. 6
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Bring it on !

  7. 8
    Mr Blonde says:

    Piss on Miliband! Never thought about that.

    Good idea Jackie.

    • 12
      jgm2 says:

      He’ll have to be dead first to do a proper job. Then post it on Youtube.

      Far be it from me to suggest that if somebody machine-gunned the 400 Labour MPs that sat through the Labour Imbecility 1997 – 201 and then tossed their corpses in an open grave that I’d have any strong objections to members of the public urinating on them.

      They’d be getting off lightly as far as I’m concerned.

    • 13
      Mr Ed Tourettes says:

      I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire.

      • 34
        D Milibanana says:

        I would if I could piss petrol

      • 82
        jgm2 says:

        That’ll be those American’s excuse when they’re court-martialled.

        ‘They were still on fire. We were just dousing the flames.’

        • 124
          Mr. Putin's Stolen Cat says:

          “When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
          And the women come out to cut up what remains,
          Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
          An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.”
          (Kipling)
          … they’re still as vile.

      • 140
        I can't stop asking questions says:

        Is this the queue to piss on Milibean? Is there a selection of other money grabbing hypocritical “representatives” available to relieve my bladder on? How much are the tickets? Could this help to solve public sector debt?

    • 15
      Lickity-Split says:

      Not even if he was on fire, which coincidently like all lefties, is how he will spend the rest of eternity.

      God hates socialists! He told me.

  8. 9
    Ed Tourette says:

    Mirror photos of British troops pissing on Arabs OK in Labour’s eyes.

    US Marines pissing on Talibunnies not OK for Labour!

    Anyone see Labour’s hypocrisy here?

  9. 11
    john in cheshire says:

    Jack Ashley’s daughter. She ought to be ashamed of herself; I wonder if Mr Ashley is proud of her?

  10. 14
    Costa Capitain says:
  11. 16
    nellnewman says:

    omg! wife of bugalugs marr, friend of pollytwaddle, daddy labour lord and she’s a member of the labour unintelligentsia.

    When are they going to realise it’s not just pitiful ed that will stop them getting elected.

    It’s their spectacularly dire record in government that is going down in the history books as the worst ever and which will keep them out of power for the forseeable future.

  12. 17
    Don Quikon says:

    A urine-soaked Afghan corpse is probably more electable than Ed Miliband.

  13. 18
    Andrew Marr says:

    For God’s sake Jackie, it was your obsession with golden shower that made me shag elsewhere – well, that and your face looking like a bulldog’s scrotum. I don’t like being pissed on so just forget it.

  14. 20
    Jumbo Trotter says:

    What’s she complaining about I wouldn’t piss on Ed if he was on fire?
    The good news is Ed will only be dumped after the worst Labour electoral defeat since 83 so you can pretty much count them out for the next 15 years I reckon just look at the subs line up if he goes it’s even worse!

  15. 22
    G Brown - lover of prudence says:

    I sold gold @ less than $300 an ounce and bought euros. Wasn’t I a clever boy?

    Ed was one of my advisers! Is it any wonder that Ashley wants to pish on him.

  16. 24
    LAST QUANGO IN POWYS says:

    jackie ashley married to andrew marr
    anji hunter married to adam boulton
    fiona millar married to alistair cambell
    baroness ashton married to peter kellner
    cherie booth married to tony blair
    evette cooper married to ed balls
    steph flanders dated ed balls and ed milliband

    Fucking good job we are a meritocracy!

    • 40
    • 41
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      John Prescott and Michael Martin trying to shoehorn their kids into their parliamentary seats.

      Peter Mandelson grandson of Herbert Morrison

      Tamsin Dunwoody put up as candidate to succeed her mother.

      Hilary Benn fast tracked into Commons

      Harriet Harman married to Jack Dromedary

      Baroness Jay daughter of Jim Callaghan

      No nepotism or privilege in the Labour Party. No sirree.

    • 47
      Hilary Benn says:

      Do not despair. There is still room at the top for the right peoples’ children

    • 120
      Bogeyman says:

      What about the Kinnocks?

  17. 25
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Ashley was one of the most shameless cheerleaders and apologists for Gordon Brown and his gang of liars, smearers and bullies.

    So stupid she makes Polly Toynbee seem like Stephen Hawking.

  18. 27
    Realistic says:

    I’m half-way through Mandelsson’s ‘The Third Man’.

    Seems an alright kind of bloke to me.

  19. 29
    annette curton says:

    I’m genuinely puzzled by the thrust of her muse, why would the people of this country vote for a dead Afghani soaked in urine as their next PM?.

  20. 31
    Miss UK says:

    My god the Google Earth image of her and Marr in bed must look like an overhead view of Dresden in 1945

    • 66
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      Wrong! the RAF chipped in with a couple of 1000 – bomber raids. My Father flew in one. The Blitz was a campfire compared to Dresden.

    • 69
      jgm2 says:

      I thought Dresden was one of the RAF’s efforts.

      From the great man himself, Arthur Harris,

      ‘I do not personally regard the whole of the remaining cities of Germany as worth the bones of one British Grenadier. The feeling, such as there is, over Dresden, could be easily explained by any psychiatrist. It is connected with German bands and Dresden shepherdesses. Actually Dresden was a mass of munitions works, an intact government centre, and a key transportation point to the East. It is now none of these things’

      • 91
        Grumpy Old Man says:

        The Yanks flew daylight missions over Dresden. From memory, the obliteration of Dresden took 5 days and nights. If they’d have waited a couple of months, one bomb would have been sufficient.

        • 93
          jgm2 says:

          I thought it was effectively all over in a single raid – huge firestorm or something – killed as many as Hiroshima.

          Something about sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind.

      • 112
        Cressida's Dick says:

        MRAF Arthur Harris. Where aare blokes like this when we need them?.

    • 86
      Ed Balls MP says:

      It was the RAF, I should know I was in the SS at the time!

    • 96
      Don't Send The Yanks To Coventry Just Yet says:

      It has been speculated that Dresden was Winston Churchill’s penance for having allowed Coventry to be bombed as it was.
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coventry_Blitz

  21. 32
    Raving Loon says:

    Although it’s an exceedingly good idea, I’m not aware that anyone has actually urinated on Ed Milliband, whilst he is deceased or otherwise.

  22. 33
    NUMBER 32 says:

    Where have I gone??

  23. 38
    Terrible But True says:

    At a time like this one needs to turn to the world’s most trusted news media organisation for balance.

    Can’t wait until her hubby’s specially-selected Sunday morning sofa guests set us straight on what the country is really thinking.

    • 75
      jgm2 says:

      It is odd. Even after Labour are out of power the Andrew Marr show seems to be nothing more than a weekly parade of unchallenged Labour talking heads.

      ‘So, Mr Balls/Mr Miliband/A.N.Other shadow cabinet member – tell us in your own words why Labour are so great and how the T*ries are fucking the economy..’

      Out-takes from which are then reported as ‘news’ for the rest of the day by the BBC.

  24. 43
    The General Public says:

    I’m pretty sure it was written with a straight face. I mean, do the authors of Guardian opinion pieces have any other kind?

  25. 45
    albacore says:

    She’s teasing us, the tantalising witch
    Imagine our MPs piled in a ditch
    After swinging on gibbets in the sun
    Till they all stopped twitching, every one
    Now, that’s what I’d call a real rendition
    And the one true aim for micturition

  26. 46
    CT says:

    She’s almost as witless as Tuscan Toynbee.

    Beyond parody.

  27. 52
    jgm2 says:

    OT

    Looks like Ghaddafi’s boys knew what they were doing sponsoring the LSE…

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-16576048

  28. 55
    Loungelizard says:

    I remember seeing an article that suggested that looks were an important factor in your career success. Ashley and Marr, even their mothers couldn’t…well can anybody explain…I know we shouldn’t generalize but look at the Labour party, they’ve all got such punchable faces.

    • 63
      jgm2 says:

      Most of them look pre-punched to be honest.

      Perhaps it’s natural ugliness or ugliness acquired from the the beatings they got at school from kids fed up of the same irritating, hectoring attitude so many of the wicked and malicious fuckers carry into adult-hood.

  29. 56
  30. 64
    US Military Spokesperson says:

    We would like to apologize to the British Army, especially those members of the 4th battalion The Rifles who were accidentally pissed on while our troops were meant to be aiming at the Taliban!

  31. 65
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Tom Watson gets fired and the BBC are all over it…well OK not.

    • 68
      Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

      Tom Harris that should be Tom Watson is wishful thinking.

    • 104
      Natural Mistake, Don't Sweat It says:

      Think Tom Watson had NOTHING to do with it, even inspirationally? Any man who spouts “Mafia boss” isn’t far removed from spouting “Nazi.” (And Tommy Boy is in charge of development of new campaign strategies and spokespersons, after all.)
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law

  32. 70
    Nina says:

    Yet another Westminster Bubble dweller who patronisingly assumes that Joe Public gets his ideas from the press. Watch Ed in full flow and it is blindingly obvious that he couldn’t steer a supermarket trolley let alone lead the country and the current economic troubles. Grow up AT and recognise that we do have functioning brains.

  33. 71
    Rawhide says:

    I nominate Bill Quango for comment of the day/week/month for his genius rhyme about phone hacking in the previous thread to the tune of Rawhide.

  34. 73
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    I love the way the Guardian mongs are all up in arms over Gove’s idea of a yacht for queenie.

    Funny the same lefty mongs never said a word when Gordon Mcshirlifter decided to spend 10 billion of English taxes on two Scottish aircraft carriers.

    • 102
      Voice of Reason says:

      Well I’m not a left-wing mong. Indeed yesterday I posted that Gove was the best Education Minister we’ve had for a long time. However, in suggesting that taxpayers pay for a yacht for one of the richest women in the land I think he is an utter twat. Let the fucking millionaire Cabinet pay for it if they want but don’t include me in this nonsense.

      • 114
        Captain Skettino says:

        I’m free

      • 123
        The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

        Hang on VoR, if it was built in a UK yard there are lots of welders, electricians, shipwrights etc. who would love to do the work. When the old Britannia went to San Francisco the septics would skin their granny for an invitation to cocktails. The Royal Yacht sold more British goods than the trade minister.

        Britannia was long in the tooth and overdue for replacement but a new version would be a floating advert for the UK’s shipbuilding and other skills.

        The £60million on a yacht could be kept in the UK whereas the £33 billion on the HS2 could go to a Euro company who might just source all the materials and workers from the other side of the channel.

        Overcome your prejudice and look upon it as a massive opportunity to promote UK plc.

  35. 74
    bergen says:

    Ashley’s about face on Labour’s acceptance of cuts is straight out of Animal Farm.

    From “Four legs good,two legs bad” to “Four legs good,two legs better” without the slightest hint of embarassment is an achievement even for her relentless cheerleading.

    • 78
      jgm2 says:

      Ahh, but you see Labour will have no choice but to accept these ‘cuts’ because, after 18 months in power, the coalition has destroyed the Maximum Imbecile’s ‘golden legacy’.

      • 95
        Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

        That appears to be the lie that the two Eds are trying to peddle.

  36. 77
    Gordon Brown says:

    I wish Jackie Ashley well.

  37. 80
    bird with small brain says:

    O/T Who is Luke Crosier (sic?) and what has he done?

  38. 92
    Gordon Brown says:

    I am He-Man.

  39. 97
    Gordon Brown says:

    I would like to congratulate Francesco Skettino on becoming the captain of the Costa Concordia.

    • 134
      Er um says:

      Gordon said “Move to the left”., He did – and hit the rocks. Labour Party politics to a T.

  40. 101
    Chutney says:

    Jackie looks like she uses rose scented talcum powder

  41. 103
    Jackie Ashley says:

    What I should have said is that Ed’s critics want a final solution for him.

  42. 105
    SKY SPORTS EXCLUSIVE says:

    New directive announced for referees; anyone seen passing to Andy Carroll will now be booked for “time wasting”…..

  43. 109
    Professor Henry Brubaker, Institute for Studies says:

    I would have no problems with US marines pissing on the still warm corpse of Ed Milltwat. They could even print pictures of it in the Mirror AFAIAC

    They can shit all over Chris Huhne if they like as well, before they kill him even.

  44. 113
    Plantagenet says:

    Funny how in the Guardian anti-Americanism pops up more often than punctuation.

  45. 115
    Fuck Off Pasta Eaters says:

    Italians lol

    As soon as their is a bit of trouble like say crashing your own fucking ship they are one of the first ones to run away to safety.

    Cowardly fuckers, can’t believe he legged it and left the thousands of passengers to potentially die.

  46. 117
    Pentangelis says:

    By reporting what these cretins say, we not only give them a voice, but we also give them credibilty.
    Why not simply ignore their stupidity?
    I am certainly no supporter of Milibland, but not even his half-baked wittering deserves such comparison.
    One thing I do wonder from my high pastures in Shropshire, is how do such people ever obtain the ‘public ear’ in the first place?
    It makes me wonder if I should come down from the mountain and start preaching – I can certainly do no worse.
    How about it? Pentangelis The Redeemer!

  47. 118
    bogwitch says:

    elizabeth warren “the coming collapse of the middle class” catch up stooges!

  48. 122
    Anonymous says:

    Um, I pretty sure she compared Ed to a dead body. Her only concern appears to be whether the chattering classes choose to piss on it or not.

    Either way, Ed’s dead.

  49. 125
    Freedom to Choose says:

    I have no respect for Guardian mongers. :)

  50. 126
    FSL says:

    Now this is a video worth watching. Good job by an 18 year old kid from Northern Ireland

  51. 139
    ReefKnot says:

    Its a comforting thought that had the Taliban been on fire, the Marines would never have pissed on them.


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