January 11th, 2012

A Message For Gordon

Yesterday Guido brought you the news that Gordon Brown was up to his old trick of locking horns with newspapers editors. He’s had a mighty fall though as the most he can spin is his local rag these days. The original copy and a page scan of the article Brown had pulled from the Fife Courier website mysteriously appeared earlier. Given that the former Prime Mentalist is in Westminster tonight, Guido thought he should make sure it had the widest possible audience:

(Click to Enlarge)

That’s what you get for trying to repress a legitimate argument…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I think the longer he stays away, the better.

    Jonah curse on parliament?

    • 6
      English Gent (again) says:

      Why don’t I get a vote on whether Scotland should leave the Union. I am pretty sure that if all of England got a vote, then the wall would be put back up. If the vote goes the way I think it will, it could be followed by a short period of handover (that might take as long as the oil lasts) and then the Scots could adopt the Euro and all the other socialist policies that they seem to so desperately want.

      • 8
        smoggie says:

        Move to Scotland if it means that much to you.

        • 11
          English Gent says:

          Interesting point – why criteria define whether a person is Scottish enough to vote in the referendum. Given that the vote may take place in the winter, the usual sweaty back inspection may not be conclusive.

          • Lord Wayne of Trombone says:

            let them eat haggis

            can they take those moaning bastards, The Welsh, with them ?
            And Scousers?

            Best thing that ever happened to South East !
            Thanks to what-ever-your-name is fat c0nt going to die of heart disease SNP leader

          • Hang The Bastards says:


            Gordon Brown. – a bloody sucking sponging parasitic twat that once latches on to the Public Teat refuses to let go until it’s head bursts and it dies.

          • caption contest says:

            “Fuck you, I’m a millionaire”!!

          • Anti Capitalist empty tent says:

            Congratulations to Mossad for dispatching yet another Iranian nuclear warmonger to join the virgins in the mahomedan nether world. A strong blow for freedom.

          • Nemo says:

            If Scotland becomes independant why sent all those with Scottish surnames back to Scotland a bit like the partition of India, just asking, and if N Ireland joins Eire all folks with an Irish sounding name or claiming citizenship back to Eire and visa versa. I am just asking.

        • 20
          Grumpy Old Man says:

          My son was born in Dundee, but now lives in Australia. Is he and 1000′s of others in the Scottish Diaspora allowed a vote? What about the English who reside in Scotland. Do they get a vote? Is Corby to be declared part of Scotland for the vote? And why should the rest of Great Britain not get a vote over something which will affect their lives?

          • Grumpy Old Man says:

            You really haven’t got the hang of this multi-culti thing, have you?

          • Spartacus says:

            the only thing a scotchman wont do for his country is live there

          • Jardine Mafia Son says:

            II would qualify to play sport for Scotland on the basis of having a Scottish grandparent so will that nice Mr Salmond let me have vote in his referendum?

          • Anonymous says:

            Rest of the UK can GTF. I’m constantly whined at: why don’t the English get a vote, normally by the same chumps who bleat on about subsidies like they even know what they are talking about.

            If it makes no difference to you, why are you even bothered?

          • Anonymous says:

            Why don’t we get a referendum on whther or not we actually WANT the whining Scots a s a part of the UK. Oh, and can we hold it on 9/9/13 please (anniversary of Flodden)

            Thank you

      • 9
        RU a bit up your own arse? says:

        The Order-Order blog – the widest possible audience!

        • 14
          Tory Cat says:

          RU a bit of a c’unt?

          Wider than the Fife Courier………

          • The Reverend Brown, in the billiard balls with the boot says:

            The weight of comment seems to have diminished somewhat now that everyone and his wife is tweeting the fuck out of each other.

        • 30
          Archer Karcher says:

          Order-Order has a wider audience than CiF or the BBC where everything that is non PC or not ‘on message’ is censored, or comments are routinely turned off.

          • It's The Message, Not The Messenger says:

            Maybe, maybe not, but it’s a helluva lot more entertaining. You know every Labour MP has a staffer read Guido every morning just to find out what it is that people find funny about politics, right? They, being such a self-absorbed humourless lot themselves, can’t see how their statements fail to sway the masses, for all the brilliance shown. Of course, they realise that we who post on this blog are philistines and beyond redemption. Nonetheless, it gives at least one little flunky a guilty pleasure each morning to read our well-and-truly irreverent sacrilegious slaughterings of their sacred cows, and s/he knows s/he’s the one who can brief the MP on the rumblings offstage. (“if THAT made it into Guido, sir/ma’am, you know some Tory probably said something somewhere…”)

          • Nemo says:

            Sorry, I, have to disagree with you there, Guido has his motty Botty, office junior who employs to delete those posts that he thinks will not be on side, still It’s Guido’s blogg so he can do what he wants I suppose

        • 31
          Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

          its amazin that not everybodys knows how to tweet – it is easy to follow me @ontablets but most dont seem to knows how to sighn up

          • Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:


          • wtf says:

            Everybody knows that @ontablets is you – you have posted your own tweets, your nickname appears on the twitter account, and you suck up to the security boss at the depot in your description on your twitter account. Do you really expect us to believe that @ontablets is a fake?

          • lolz says:


          • Flid says:

            I’m following you and Holborn Viaduct, Billy. Life is short, though- do try to get some fresh air.

          • wtf says:

            Everybody knows that @ontablets is you – you have posted your own tweets, your nickname appears on the twitter account, and you cuddle up to the security boss at the depot (in your description on your twitter account). Do you really expect us to believe that @ontablets is a fake?

          • wtf says:

            but Billy you are “ontablets”

          • get real! says:

            Most don’t want to sign up.

          • Nemo says:

            wtf – What sort of tablets is Billy on then, I do hope they are of the pescription variety, not those naughty ones sold at warehouse parties or clubs

      • 24
        The Stilton Eater says:

        What is rather bizarre is that they’d dump Westminster… for Brussels.

        • 36
          Archer Karcher says:

          Indeed, that is most perverse. Perhaps they have an affinity towards “former” commies who infest the EU in huge numbers.

        • 49
          Bill d'Sarse says:

          Not bizzare at all really. The one note bagpipe and his merry gang are all about an independent Scotland. Once that is achieved, the are defunct. Hence he doesn’t actually want independence or a transfer of power to Brussels. He just wants to shout about i in order to maintain his hefty income and position of power.

          • What will emerge from the break up of the British state in 2014, are two seperate nations, Scotland and England, each headed towards their ultimate destinies. The Scots, warmly welcomed by their friends in the EU, will climb aboard the world stage, enjoying the respect and popularity that the break up will afford them. The English will go forward, friendless, isolated and surrounded by nations and peoples who absolutely hate their f*cking guts. Look forward my friends, and remember, it`s for auld lang syne……..

          • Grumpy Old Man says:

            So it’s back to situation normal then, 1588, 1804,1914, 1940. We’ve been there and done that.

          • jgm2 says:

            The Scots, warmly welcomed by their friends in the EU, will climb aboard the world stage, enjoying the respect and popularity that the break up will afford them.

            Aye. Just like the plucky Latvians and Estonians. Lauded the world over, enjoying respect and popularity wherever the name of Latvia or Estonia is heard.

            In your fucking dreams.

            And, since Scottish independence will be a giant ‘FUCK YOU’ to England you’ll not be surprised when all the deposits and business currently residing at HBOS and RBS gets moved to Barclays. And nobody buys your whisky brush cleaner. Or goes there on holiday.

            Come on. You really don’t think the regular voters of England are going to sit there and shrug their shoulders when they’re nearest neighbour tells them to ‘FUCK OFF’ and promptly gets into bed with Brussels do you?

            There will be a groundswell and an English public backlash that will wipe the smug smile of Salmond’s fat fizzog. Just you watch.

          • Cell time says:

            And ‘Yesterday’ are showing all the videos, on a loop.

          • Anglo-Scot says:

            Yes, its quite funny how the Scottish nationalsits seem to think that being rude to the English in the process of independence would have no ill effects on relations with what will be their biggest trading partner and the main route for most of their other exports (if you ignore the valuable shortbread biscuit sales at Glasgow airport).

          • jgm2 says:

            Scottish exports?


            Apart from whisky paint-brush cleaner and oil – which is finite – what are they going to export apart from al*co*ho*lics?

            And the more teary-eyed nationalists and pensioners who return to Fucking Scotland to avail themselves of free-this and free-that will only hasten the day when there’s free fuck-all.

            It’ll be Ireland 1996 – 2006 and UK 1997 – 2007 all over again. Soaring house pr*ic*es, massive consumer bubble, massive government recruitment drive followed by…. BUST.

            Still, looks like they’ll have to find out the hard way. It’ll be Darien III. We’ll be bailing them out again in 2025. Just like we had to bail out their banks in 2008.

          • jgm2 says:

            Scottish exports?


            Apart from whisky paint thinner and oil – which is finite – what are they going to export apart from al*co*ho*lics?

            And the more teary-eyed nationalists and pensioners who return to Fucking Scotland to avail themselves of free-this and free-that will only hasten the day when there’s free fuck-all.

            It’ll be Ir*el*and 1996 – 2006 and UK 1997 – 2007 all over again. Soaring house pr*ic*es, massive consumer bubble, massive government recruitment d*ri*ve followed by…. BUST.

            Still, looks like they’ll have to find out the hard way. It’ll be Darien III. We’ll be bailing them out again in 2025. Just like we had to bail out their banks in 20

          • jgm2 says:

            ..in 2008.

        • 233
          Nemo says:

          Out of the frying pan into the fire?

      • 110
        Dennis Pennis says:

        The money this bag of pus has earned should be paid directly back to the taxman just as villain have their ill gotten gains seized-and lets face it, villains done come much bigger than this sour faced twat.

        • 247
          jrand says:

          +200 … and trust the piano wire brigade are hovering close as he finally deigns to warm that frozen bit of the backbench which he so very infrequently inhabits.

      • 179
        A Scot says:

        English Gent: excellent news so in a nutshell you are saying that not only are you backing independence but with the rebuilding of the wall you are gifting Northumbria to us. Thanks for that Nigel.

        • 212
          English Gent says:

          You can have everything north of the Watford Gap, and especially Liverpool and the North East,

          • Englishman at home says:

            Fuck off I`m north of the Watford Gap and there`s enough pissed up Jock smackheads in Blackpool as it is !!!!

    • 71
      Mr. Putin's Stolen Cat says:

      Did I hear on BBC R4 this morning McSnot may be summoned to support case AGAINST Scottish independence – or was I still asleep? If true, there goes the Union!

      • 84

        No you were`nt dreaming, it is true.

      • 125
        jgm2 says:

        The ‘Union’ is already over. The Scots were happy to vote Labour only so long as the party was dominated by Scots. Now that they have lisping Ned Miliband with his (to them) painfully English, effeminate voice, they’ll go even more introspective.

        Time to make plans and move on. Leave them to drink their oil and eat their scenery like the arabs.

        • 180
          There are more like me says:

          Im a Scot and I dont want “Independence” I want the UK to remain as it is, although I agree the west Lothian question should be addressed as it currently is unfair on England.
          I voted SNP to get rid of Labour but come this referendum I will be telling Alex “Mr Toad” Salmond to stick his “independence ” up his hole !

          • Derek Simpson's grace and favour mansion says:

            Thank you as an Englishman with Scots blood.

            The Union is a Good Thing.

            But Alex Salmond mousee is not.

            That said, I’d like to float wee Gordon Broon out into the Atlantic on a one way ticket, and Gorbals mick and the rest of the whinging socialists.

        • 183

          Hahaha!! Some of the people who comment on this blog are so f*cking gulliable, you deserve each other!! Cant you recognise a wind up? i`ve managed to get at least half a dozen of you going, and i`m no f*cking genius. HAHAHHA!!

    • 252
      Broadsword calling Danny boy says:

      Perhaps he should be found something else to do to keep him busy?

      How about heading the Yes campaign in the Scottish independance referendum. It would virtually guarantee a no vote.

      Alternatively, maybe he could lead the response to the PIP breast implement issue. Who better to deal with a load of useless tits than the biggest useless tit of them all!

  2. 2
    The Public says:

    Is there any way we can have a referendum on independece for Gordon Brown?

  3. 3
    say what you see says:

    What an utter fucking wanker he is. Fuck off already!

  4. 4
    aulde nick says:

    Perhaps he’ll be bearded on his way into Parliament?

  5. 5
    Terry McCann says:

    He doesn’t go round the world addressing bankers and economists, they only tell him that to string him along, he’s just been visiting a series of loony bins where he is viewed by experts as a prize specimen of total delusion.

  6. 7
    Ha ha ha bonk ( a man laughing his head off) says:

    Is he laughing at the description of himself as a ‘distinguished global leader’ as reported in the article? It’s there in Abbotspeak and white.

  7. 10
    Ha hah says:

    Every day he lives he is a humiliated by the knowledge of his failure and rejection but the loss of power is probably what hurts most.

    I am overjoyed.

    • 59
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      It’s impossible to think of Brown without calling Saruman to mind.

    • 92
      Hang The Bastards says:

      I hope he is abused by every member of the public that passes him by.

      “Your a useless Hunt”, is probably what he hears most days

  8. 12
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:
  9. 13
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:
  10. 16
    Billy Bowden in the greatest fluffer ever ! says:

    Do you lick me posting tweets here?

    • 38
      Mr. Brown (just passing through) says:

      Kiss kiss, Billy. LOVING them.


      GB, Prime Minister, UK, Earth, Scotchland.

      • 50
        Grumpy Old Man says:

        His Kingdom is not of this Earth.

        • 209
          jgm2 says:

          His ‘Kingdom’ is not even of this dimension.

          In the land of the insane the one-eyed man is still King.

          It’s fucking hilarious on some levels. Blair is still glad-handing the Elk Club of Fairbanks for 100K a pop and the Maximum Imbecile is giving … …. errr…economic advice to the Nigerians and the Indians for 30K a pop.

          It’s funny how the money laundering Gods choose to dish out the rewards cash isn’t it.

          Brown making (apparently) a million quid a year for his fake charity [Directors James Gordon Brown and Sarah Brown] – profit after, deductions for travel, maintenance of essential house charitable premises, directors salaries and directors pension contributions = fuck-all and still can’t let go of the 65K a year he gets for not showing up to work.

          If only he’d been so prudent with the nation’s economy.

  11. 18
    Elgin's lost his Marbles says:

    Serves the scum who voted him in right. They foisted this creature on the nation by voting him in, they knew what they were doing. Anyone who voted for him should be surcharged for the increase in the National Debt.

    Right of recall, anyone?

    • 68
      Southern Softy says:

      On the other hand, it rather goes to show that a great many people
      can get by very well without being represented by an MP.
      Just how long will it take to redraw the boundaries?

      • 248
        Elgin's lost his Marbles says:

        Indeed, good point. 99% of the population would probably never even notice if their MP vanished.

        Cameroon’s plan to ungerrymander the boundaries might just make it in time for 2015. I suspect that there will be a U-turn.

  12. 22

    Given that the former Prime Mentalist is in Westminster tonight..

    I demand photographic proof.
    Gordy visits parliament less often than Halley’s comet.
    Even Blair is more likely to turn up than Brown. And the only reason Blair would be in parliament is for a people’s trial following a revolution.

    • 37
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      Not at all. Blair would be back in the HoC because someone had paid him to be there.

      • 47
        Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

        One does wonder whether there is anything, anything at all that Blair wouldn’t do for money.

      • 238
        Nemo says:

        B’Liar is probably waiting for Liebore to plead with him to lead them again and another chance to make even more money, or until his ennoblement

  13. 23
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    When has not being informed enough dissuaded ANYONE from commenting on this blog? You give it your best, Darlin’

    Luv. GOM xx

    • 28
      Billy Bowden in the greatest fluffer ever ! says:

      its amazin what you cans learn on this blog

    • 29
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      P.S. Go to comment 13 and see what I mean.


      • 107
        Jaded says:

        Should I carry on? I only came on the internet to sort my fantasy football team out. 4 years is a long time to be spouting bollocks.

      • 118
        Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

        Jaded can do whatever he likes cant he Guido? If you fed up with internet blogging follow me on Twitter jaded he may learn something, mightn’t he Neo? Billy is a one off and hasn’t ever borrowed nothing from Ewa nobody and I thank her for giving me life a Chrissy prezzy dont i guido? We all borrows in this crazy world and I going to spread my love all over it……

      • 202
  14. 26
    Pedobear says:

    Not his fault really…. all scots are fuckwits

  15. 27
    Apathy Rising says:

    Ed and Dianne live in a muddle – though not in the same one – which is presumably why they have to keep correcting each other.

  16. 32
    Ghost of Colin Crompton says:

    Just back from his successful tour of North Korean and Moscow Conservative Clubs, and his first time at the Wheeltappers, a big hand,thankyou, for our Gordon the man who makes things disappear….

  17. 34
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Seeing a photo of him again jut reminds me what a spacker he is.

    It would be too funny if he was de-selected or, even better, voted out by hi constituents. A fitting conclusion to his disastrous tenure as Chancellor and PM

  18. 42
    Pentangelis says:

    Re-heating old news.
    This article has been on the Scottish Express website since day before yesterday.

  19. 43
    It's behind you! Your career that is. says:

    Is Brown aware that his antics mean he’s now generally regarded as a pantomime dame?

  20. 58
    Engineer says:

    Broon’s in Westminster? He’s just trying to escape from his radioactive beach.

    He hasn’t had much luck with beaches, has he? Remember Obama Beach?

    • 64
      Flid says:

      ..and that bigoted beach woman, Mrs. Wozzername.

      • 225
        Special Ed says:

        Mrs Duffy?
        Who probably helped bury the labour party for a generation.
        With friends like that…

    • 66
      casual observer says:

      It’s a shame he didn’t step on a WW2 mine when he was sucking Obama’s cock.

    • 101
      gripper stebson says:

      brown in westminster? Who let the TWAT out who? who? Who let the TWAT out..

    • 111
      jgm2 says:

      Connecting flight to a sp*eaking engagement in some third world shithole that wants to adopt his policies of printing your way to eternal wealth.

  21. 63
    a message for Gordon says:

    Fuck off you c’unt.

  22. 70
    john Walsh says:

    although compared to “Britain’s Laziest MP” Brown ain’t doin’ too bad
    watch the film that exposed Sir Stuart Bell MP now on iTunes:

    • 96
      Geordie Dave says:

      Stalwart Bell-End is the biggest lazy lying bastard MP in the Hoc FACT!

      The poor people of Middlesbrough are too fucking stupid to realise that he does fuckall for them. they think he pays their benefits.

      his wife is a dumbo. Ring their constituency office and if the lazy cow bothers to answer you will realise how much of a half wit she is.

      She is deluded as fuck. She doesn’t know he has a place in France.

  23. 74
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Anthony Worrall Thompson was arrested again earlier today in his local Tesco after being caught shoplifting milk, yeast, flour and eggs.

    I think he’s ran out of dough.

  24. 79
    The Paragnostic says:

    Apologies to Lennon:

    Dear Prudence, won’t you come back to vote?
    Dear Prudence, you’re a useless old scrote.
    The game is up, the government’s blue,
    The money’s gone and so have you –
    Dear Prudence, won’t you come back to vote?

    Dear Prudence, open up your eye
    Dear Prudence, tell us one more lie
    The boom and bust has ended now
    And England is the Scot’s cash cow
    Dear Prudence, open up your eye…

  25. 82
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Is Tom Watson carrying Bown’s bags while in westminster?

  26. 91
    Jimmy says:

    This is a real scoop! Tory councillor in Fife calls for Brown to quit! This is staggering news.

    The tories have a councillor in Fife?

    • 97
      Hang The Bastards says:

      Fuck you Jimmy !!!!!

      Your just a jock Labour social media BOT aren’t you.

      No fucker in his right mind would even try to defend the asshole Brown, except some misguided prick like yourself.

    • 103
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      There is some corner of a foreign field that is forever England.

      • 189
        The inglsh army had just won the War says:

        I could have swore Scots fought and died side by side with the inglish in the great war,but apparently it was only ingland. Oh well you learn something everyday from the masterminds who post on here.

    • 113
      jgm2 says:

      I see it as proof that not all Scots are fuckwits.

    • 135
      nellnewman says:

      What are you saying jimmy sweetie?.

      That you support mp’s who choose to draw their taxpayer funded generous salary and benefits with no intention of doing a stroke of work for it?

      Or are you saying that you only support LABOUR mp’s who choose to draw their taxpayer funded generous salary and benefits with no intention of doing a stroke of work for it?

      Which ??!

      • 199
        Jimmy says:

        It’s an odd complaint. I would have thought even the most blinkered and partisan tory would have to concede no member of the house has probably done more work than he has. Still, far be it from me to interrupt your dead horse flogging.

        • 204
          jgm2 says:

          Are you suggesting the Maximum Imbecile is dead?

          Don’t get my hopes up.

        • 217
          JH says:

          Oh, Jimmy. What a shame.

          It used to ‘work’ when you tried – and occasionally succeeded – to be funny.

          But now you’re just trolling, and don’t even sound like you enjoy it any more.

          Good luck.

  27. 94
    Fabians are Evil says:

    I have it on the greatest authority that Gordon Brown has actually been asked (told) by the Labour party exec to stay well away from parliament.

    The reasons for this will be obvious.

    • 99
      Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

      I told him :)

      • 126
        Fabians are Evil says:

        Actually it was the Queen herself – she just cannot forgive him for inflicting more damage upon the British people than Hit ler’s bombers.

        She regards the creature as a WMD for never in the history of her people has so much economic, social, and financial damage been done by such a nasty group of Marxist scum.

    • 137
      nellnewman says:

      I’m sure it’s true.

      They’re trying to bury gordy in a deep dark hole and they’re trying to keep militwit concealed from the media in a cupboard.

      And has anyone heard anything from kinnochio lately? Nope. They’re trying to hide him too!! (Mind if he was anything to do with me I’d be trying to hide him as well!)

      You’d think it would tell them something about their flawed leadership election process wouldn’t you?!

  28. 100
    Rinka Scott says:

    Brown is finished and should stand aside now or at the next election. He has no role to play in the well being of the country.

    Blair went in the middle of a Parliament but others tend to hang around.

    Heath turned hanging around into a near art form.

    Looking at our Mps as a whole we do seem to have a lot who would not be missed at all.

    • 123
      nellnewman says:

      What you say about Heath is true. Longest political sulk in history. But he did it in style sitting on the front bench almost next to Mrs T at every chance. And nobody could accuse him of not being in parliament full time to represent his constituents.

      Whatever else he was he was a committed parliamentarian to the end.

      old gordy is nothing but a raggedy coward using the mp’s salary for his own purpose without doing the job and either running away abroad to make money or cravenly hiding in his kirkcaldy study.

      • 128
        jgm2 says:

        old gordy is nothing but a raggedy coward using the mp’s salary for his own purpose without doing the job and either running away abroad to make money or cravenly hiding in his kirkcaldy study.

        So – no change from when he was chancellor or PM then.

    • 176
      Cell time says:

      Or, or,FFS OR. What is wrong, with you man? Or? FMS.

    • 201
      Me & Me. says:

      Why don’t we outsource our M.P’s. They can be based in remote India and telework.

  29. 102
    Gordon Brown says:

    i was a Spitfire pilot in the war

  30. 117
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Brown should get back to his real job. He had a go at politics and it didn’t work. Get back on the road Brown:

    • 171
      nellnewman says:

      Well they did say that gordy got up and pranced about last week or so at someone’s wedding to Abba’s Dancing Queen.

      I guess that spectacle would be about equal to that excuse for music above.

      • 190
        The history of Popular Music says:

        Your right Nell, who the fuck is James Brown anyway ?
        Can you recommend any East Angular sea shanties or Turnip Picking ditties ?

  31. 119
    Gordon Brown says:

    Where’s my fucking Nokia? I need to bully someone! Neeeuwaaugh! I’m still prime minister. Plop.

    • 130
      Nurse Botha says:

      Your Nokia, dear? Mrs. Flangeworthy apologises for getting it wet but the prawn vindaloo releases the most retentive of us eventually, dear. I could kill a vindaloo right now.

  32. 122
    Nurse Botha says:

    Your Nokia, dear? Mrs. Flangeworthy apologises for getting it wet but the prawn vindaloo releases the most retentive of us eventually, dear.

    • 127
      Nurse Botha says:

      Nobody reads this shit. Fucking annoyed with myself. Gonna repost under @ 8:43 for the continuity thingy. Ignore this total balls up and bend over, dear.

  33. 124
    Shoot 'em up action says:

    If you’re bored and want a good laugh this evening, watch On Deadly Ground on ITV4 at 10. It’s a Steven Seagal film from before he piled on the weight. Michael Caine is a hilariously self-aware villain, it’s got good action and even a hilarious 5 minute monologue by Seagal about the dangers of AGW.

    • 134
      200 Monikers says:

      “If you’re bored ………..”


      Yes. Might challenge my computer to a game of Monopoly.

    • 138
      leather coat brigade says:

      Seagal is a nancy boy.

    • 144
      Tachybaptus says:

      God help us, this film was directed by Steven Seagal. According to IMDb, the 5 minute monologue was cut down from its original 30 minutes by Warner Bros, in a rare display of good taste. IMDb gives the film 3.9, which sounds generous.

      Think I’ll give it a miss and watch my prized DVD of The Singing Forest, a gay Nazi reincarnation porn flick with camera work that makes many scenes indecipherable. The IMDb gives it 1.5, a total much inflated by some ironical iron who gave it top marks.

      • 147
        The Paragnostic says:

        It’s quite good fun, actually – the scene where he gets totally wasted in a Native American tent and some old crone metamorphoses into a nubile young squaw is particularly funny.

        Seagal’s so self-parodic he could teach Red Ed a thing or two…

        • 161
          Tachybaptus says:

          Connoisseurs of bad films might like to know that Ed Wood’s immortal Plan 9 from Outer Space is available in fair quality streaming video or for download from the splendid Internet Archive, free of course:

          One to watch with friends. Alone, it might be a bit of a grind.

        • 163
          Anonymous says:

          At least it gets an airing. Think of all the crap, subsidised British films that nobody watches, but somehow mysteriously get shit loads of awards from the fellow lefty luvvies of those who made them.

  34. 132
    nellnewman says:

    I think I’m right in saying that under the Local Government Act councillors who fail to attend a given number of meetings of their council each year are or can be removed from office automatically.

    It should be the same for mp’s. There should be a minimum annual attendance requirement in the HoC. If it’s not met a by-election is triggered.

    This is the 2nd time in as many years that this problem of a troughing mp drawing salary and doing no work has occurred , both labour. The first of course was margaretmoran.

    • 140
      Joss Askin says:

      Do you really think they give a shit what you think?

    • 146
      Ed Milibund says:


      Gordon is a blot on our record.

      • 150
        The Paragnostic says:

        Blott? Maybe we could turn him loose on HS2…

        If Brown’s Blott, then Jack Dromey’s Wilt, and Ed Balls must be…

        Konstable Els!

        • 155
          jgm2 says:

          HS2. The Millenium dome, the Super-carrier contract, the NHS computer contract, the national ID card, PFI and the Olympics (pending) debacle combined into one record-busting waste of money.

          • jgm2 says:

            33bn quid? They could build steam trains and power them by burning tenners cheaper than building this fucking railway line.

          • "Doctor" Richard Beeching says:

            Build it. I’ll axe it, 455 DM later. Do you still play your games with the Deutsche Mark?
            I am not known for these postings but I may have had an secret affair with the William Joistings.
            Haw-haw, as you say.

  35. 141
    Anonymous says:


  36. 145
    Gordon Brown says:

    i can feed the whole of Scotland with one of my large turds

  37. 151
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m a pelican.

    • 160
      nellnewman says:

      pffftt! Don’t think so!!

      The pelican is the medieval symbol of self sacrifice. The Bird that is so loyal to its own family that it would give up its own life for its young.

      What self sacrificing or loyal about gordy?

    • 172
      Nurse Botha says:

      No, dear. We have just conducted a secret poll and the ladies voted, overwhelmingly, that you are a pelicant. Please scoop that dollop up, Mr.Brown.

      • 175
        Gordon Brown says:

        Please spank my buttockal area, nurse. I want to share the pain of the English tax payer.

        • 178
          Nurse Botha says:

          *Whispers* Shusshh, sir. Tuck your p e a n u t s away and do NOT let on to the ladies, else they all make demands on me.
          Mmmm. Do you know how good it feels to be caning the imaginary Prime Minister, sir? *Thhwwack*
          Did I catch your tenticles, dear? Oh, I’m so clumsy.

  38. 153
    nellnewman says:

    Why do people like gordy stand for election as mp when they have no interest in doing the job?

    Oh wait a minute it wasn’t the job of mp he was after, he had to get that in order to the pm’s job . And when he’d made a hash of that and was kicked out of office he was was stuck with the mp’s job that he didn’t want but the mp’s salary, expenses and benefits that he didn’t want to let go.

    How self serving can he get??!

    • 165
      I hate Blue Labour says:

      An absolute;y detestable scumbag.

      He deserves the worst life can bring.

      Also, why does anyone put up with his bullying now? He has no power at all and he’s surely taken less seriously than he’s ever been.

      • 169
        jgm2 says:

        I have to admit I’m torn. There is one part of me that wants to see Brown eviscerated on live TV and dipped in salt. Then there is the other, more evil part of me that wants him to return to sanity and realise the awful, utter fucking shambles he made of the UK economy.

        For him to cry himself to fitful sleep every single night of what remains of his pathetic, miserable, worthless life, wracked with guilt knowing that he, personally, fucked up the lives and aspirations of tens of millions of people for a generation.

        The Field Marshall Haig de nos jours.

        That’s what I really want.

        But I’ll settle for Pay-Per-View evisceration.

    • 198
      labourunionsbbc we are one says:

      This is also true of mandelslime, he knew he would never be PM, none the less it wasn’t being an ordinary MP he was interested in but had to beone to let him into the inner circle of power.

  39. 157
    If there was an award for most provocative title says:

    When will this be available on DVD?

  40. 174
    Justice says:

    Did I just see Fat Abbott on RT News saying that the London police are still institutionally racist?

    Thats all whites, London Cabbies and now the police…….who is left for this race hustler?

    Time she was brought to book for her continual agitation on the race issue.

  41. 177
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

  42. 181

    History will judge Brooon as the worst PM in 100 years; a crazed mentalist. The idea of that tw*t saying he’d abolished boom and bust. It would be funny if it wasn’t so tragic. Even worse than that maniac warmongering loony Blair.

  43. 186
    The Doddering Old Fart says:

    Two Arseholes in this. The power broker himself and the the pathetic idiot that did his bidding. If this is the free press now, what was it when he was in Downing Street. The man is a total Shithouse.

  44. 188
    Anonymous says:

    What I don’t like is that papers can pull and change stuff and not give a history of the changes – even the BBC does it.

    1984 just a few years late.

  45. 194
    the beast of the embassy club says:

    His position is on all fours in a public lavatory

    McMental is a toilet trader

    • 206
      jgm2 says:

      His position is on the floor of a stainless steel slaughterhouse with his blood being power-washed into the drains after a bolt through the side of his bovine skull.

      Or, far crueller, as I’ve already suggested, somebody to cure the mad fucker of his insanity so that the clouds of delusion part and he sees with blinding clarity the utter clusterfuck he, personally, made of 60,000,000 people’s future. And then dies from lack of sleep or cancer of the conscience.

      • 216
        the beast of the embassy club says:

        Too merciful
        Broken on a wheel
        Lightly seared with a blow torch then flayed
        Dipped in battery acid then gently ground down to the bone with an angle grinder then buried alive in a pit full of excrement with an ipod glued to his head that has the complete works of coldplay in a continuous loop

        • 250
          aleksandr says:


          you forgot being subjected to a stream of thermite.

        • 253
          simon r says:

          Lowered feet first into an industrial shreddder up to his ankles, pulled out and whipped across the back with a rope studded with razor blades, rolled in salt, metal hook put through his tongue – pulled on until it splits in bloody globlets, staplegun his tiny cock to a block of wood, block of wood covered in meths and set alight, hot nails hammered into his good eye, shards of sharp glass rammed down his throat with a toilet brush, strapped to a chair and fed nutrients by pipe to keep him barely alive in a room kept freezing cold and made to listen to Blair’s first victory speech on a loop, told everyday that Obama will visit him tomorrow – which never happens.

          Ahhh – now that feels better !

      • 235
        nellnewman says:

        the problem with the last scenario jgm is that neither gordy nor the rest of the labour crew have a conscience.

  46. 205
    Sarah Canterbury says:

    Godon, my hero, no, my superhero. He spends all his time saving the world (and its banks) in his superhero persona, in which he looks like a supersexy Heathcliff. His power of superprudence abolished boom and bust and his abilty to turn worthless gold into valuable Euros enriched the country beyond imagination.
    Obviously as a superhero he has an alter ego as a mild mannered MP for some obsure and fiction place in Scotchland but he can hardly spend too much time doing that when evil Mr Smooth has destroyed prosperity by reintoducing Tory boom and bust and poor and vulnerable people must be saved by adding fairness, equality, diversity and vibracy to their communities.

    • 207
      Polly (from Tuscany - this Italian 'downgrade' won't affect the value of my property will it?) says:

      Quite so Sarah.

  47. 211
    Trigger says:

    How does ‘Order Order’ avoid the curse?

  48. 214
    Golden Showers says:

    • 228
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of says:

      The yanks must be one of the thickest races on the planet
      time and time again they shoot these videos and every time they post them on youtube and end up court martialed and in prison

      or is this away of getting the fuck out of there ?

  49. 215
    TheRealJoePublic says:

    Press update from Proctology Dept. Ninewells Hospital, Dundee:-

    Courier editor and Nokia phone are both in stable condition after successful removalrectomy. Indeed, phone was still working during surgery and calls were heard going to voice-mail, numerous text messages were also observed from someone with the moniker ‘Happy Ending Hattie’. Theatre staff also had a good chuckle in post-op listening to the voice-mail messages, as the pincode had not been changed from defailt.

  50. 219
    Guy Martin to win TT2012 says:

    I can’t believe that no-one’s posted this for our repeated enjoyment yet

  51. 220
    Spartacus says:

    brown smiling? must be a photoshop job

  52. 221
    Cincinattus Redux ?? says:

    But….how can he answer the call of his party to take over from Miliband if he’s no longer a MP ?

  53. 224
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I went to see my doctor today, because I’ve been suffering from bad chest pains.

    The doctor asked me, “Do you smoke sir?”

    “I do” I said, “do you think that’s the cause of the problem?”

    “No” he replied, “It’s just I’m selling 200 Regal for £30 if you’re interested.”

  54. 226
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of says:

    “A message to Gordon”
    Eat shit and die you cyclopic jock mong !

    Thank you !

  55. 230
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of says:

    Can Call me Dave not prosecute Alex Salmond for Racism ?
    It is so obvious he hates the English and is promoting a Jockarian race modeled on himself to populate the shithole north of the wall !

  56. 240
    Bob Diamond Geezer says:

    So much Gordon hatred on here – yes he did screw up the pensions, sell all the gold, push PFI which are costing us a bomb and stupidly believe that socialism could be achieved by letting the City have its way and then use the tax raised to somehow bridge the widening gap between the haves and the rest of us. BUT the present shower are doing no better. The squeezed middle (i.e most of us – the majority) need to realise that none of the major parties are prepared to do much for us apart from tax us into the ground and make sure we work our whole bloody lives to do little more than own a a semi.

    • 244
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      Unfortunately, Gordon is the reason we are taxed into the ground etc, etc. That’s why he is despised by all right-thinking people, including those lefties who aren’t suffering from being hard of thinking.

    • 251
      aleksandr says:

      244. own a semi so they can steal it off us in our old age when we need care

  57. 242
    MajorFrustration says:

    “Distinguished global leader in residence” dont puff the man any more. Hes an abject failure in all things – make him president of Scotland

  58. 243
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    Brown to doctor: Doctor, every time I look in the mirror, I get aroused

    Doctor to Brown: That’s because you are a c unt

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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