Last year’s Christmas card caused much merriment and a minor media kerfuffle, this year we’re sending it out to subscribers to the Guidogram today. Make sure that you get emailed Guido’s weekly round up of the week next year. Thousands of Westminster insiders like Nick Robinson read it. Join him and become a subscriber to the Guidogram, free, to keep in the loop. It is going out shortly…
You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…
Is Interpol Helping the Villains? | Peter Oborne
Transcript of Terrorist’s Speech | Times
Dave Should Promote Sarah Wollaston to Inner Circle | Staggers
MPs Hate Chuka | Total Politics
This Was Out of Al-Qaeda’s Terror Manual | Con Coughlin
Mum Talked Down Woolwich Terrorists | Telegraph
How the Tories Can Win in 2015 | Harry Phibbs
View From Lord Bell’s Summer Party | Speccie
What Dave, Ed and Nick Want You to Hear | James Kirkup
In Praise of Apple’s Tax Plan | Daniel Mitchell
Christine Blower Can’t Do Maths | Toby Young
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Ai Weiwei in China fighting the taxman…
“Under totalitarian rule, no one is protected by law. We will all be the same helpless victims. When a country insists on its lies, it’s time for an artist to bring forth change.”
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Merry Christmas guys x
Yerst.
Arise, Sir Yerst!
Arise, Sir Yeast!
A colonic candida infection is not to be sniffed at.
Before or after squeeeeezin , x ??
Important to get that one right , hun .
Have a nice one
K xx .
Arise Sir Lepont d’Avignon.
http://www.businessweek.com/news/2011-12-23/u-k-services-fall-most-in-six-months-as-economic-recovery-ebbs.html
Happy Hanukkah!
Will no one think of the poor bankers at this special festive time, er, Hanukkah?
No, they have done enough in the last 15+ plus years, I could shed crocodile tears if that will do
Not forgetting Gals …Nell
Are you giving blow-jobs for Xmas, Ah! Monica?
Happy Christmas Ah Monika.
Merry Christmas to all, other then the politicians.
I think a few more exclusions are in order – the French, the Germans, the US, anyone involved in the rioting or plotting of t3rrorist acts, Manchesters City & Utd , Chelsea & Spurs, gingers, women who have turned me down over the years, the Welsh & Scots, tube strikers, pension parasites, pilgrims, befit scroungers, those ‘camping’ at St Pauls
Theres a few to start with – I may think of some more later
I think a few more exclusions are in order – the French, the Germans, the US, anyone involved in the rioting or plotting of t3rrorist acts, Manchesters City & Utd , Chelsea & Spurs, gingers, women who have turned me down over the years, the Welsh & Scots, tube strikers, pension parasites, pilgrims, befit scroungers, those ‘camping’ at St P4uls
Theres a few to start with – I may think of some more later
Permit me to add Argentina (and Brazil, Paraguay and Uruguay) as they seem to have rather short memories….
And of course the bankers!
and add Regulators.
Inquiry runners (whitewashers).
SPADs.
and anyone in the NHS.
You have forgotten the bankers enablers and funding bail outers, Labour.
Students studying media studies, geography or any of the other non-subjects
Er..Geography a non-subject? A bit more intellectual rigour than a degree in “golf course mamgement”
Ooops!!!!… should say “Management”
40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their vans and caravans.
St. Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. ‘I’ve got 40
travellers here. Can I let them in?’
God says ‘We are over quota on Pikeys. Go out to the Pearly Gates and tell
them to choose which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.’
Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again. ‘They’ve
gone’, he tells God.
‘What?’ says God, ‘All 40 of them?’
‘No, the Gates.’
WHat abour inglish pussies who sit all day on their fat arses and bleat about how hard they are done to on this blog. Bunch of wankers. Oh wait thats your little group.
If I haven’t already covered you in any of my exclusions (although I rather suspect I have) let me also include anyone who posted at 12.09
Arsehole see above under sweaty sock
1209 ers rule Ok and dont you forget it mate
Don’t forget the ginger women who have turned you down over the years.
Merry Christmas to all but make the most of it, you will be all under my control next Christmas!
‘Winterval’ please, you will upset the trendy, left-wing liberal PC creeps who want to abandon anything that smacks of tradition.
Abandoning traditions is, itself, a bit of a tradition with us.
Happy Zagmuk
As of next Christmas anyone using the terms ‘winterval’ or ‘holidays’ shall have a spell in the Tower – by order of Her Maj. And the archbish of canterbury shall be the first preferably housed in the dungeon near the river.
In a 3′ high subterranean cell that floods at high tide.
A peaceful and joyous Chrisrmas to all- even Jimmy
Seasons greetings to my many young Girlfriends and all the Hookers around the world, to all of whom I have pledged my undying love; I have sent you all a teddy bear for Christmas. God bless, and see you all soon. On a wider note, to give seasonal hope to all the useless and incompetent ones out there. I, with no education whatsoever, who cannot even spell, have spent all my working life, troughing and shagging at taxpayers expense, through politics, if I can do it, so can you. Merry Christmas and Boaz to all my Brothers out there, especially the Grand Master, whose valued protection I and many fellow perverts continue to enjoy. Merry Christmas to one and all.
I forgot to add:
Boaz.
Merry Christmas and Jahbulon to you Handy. You and Portsmouth City Council, Council Officers and fellow Councillors, and your Boys in Portsmouth are an inspiration to us all. Please pass my best wishes on to the Grand Master.
Handy, I have seen some of the footage of your Russian movies. Most impressive. We should get together and make a movie together, unless, of course, I am too old for you.
You are a bit to old Linda. Do you have a grand daughter?
Handy, are you going to start courses for uneducated, unemployed, no-hopers, like me; so that we can follow your example, and go troughing and shagging like you, at taxpayer’s expense?
Me too Handy. Can you put me forward for membership of the Brotherhood and the Libdems. I also am unemployed, uneducated and I am also a pervert, so should be an ideal candidate. You have given hope to all of us no hopers out here, you are our hero.
Can we have next year’s news now please?
Euro about to fail.
Ed Balls says Too Far Too Fast but I will be further and faster.
Ed Miliband will be unpopular.
Pound rises and then falls.
UK production falls and then rises.
Government looks to legalising prostitution and drugs as it is the only area experiencing growth.
USA extradites bankers from Britain.
Britain fails to extradite Piers Morgan from States.
Mercozy agree to disagree and then disagree over their agreement.
Greece gives up the Euro and adopts Green Shield Stamps as their currency since they are free.
Big market established in Green Shield Stamps.
Richard Tompkins comes back from the dead to run it.
S&P grant triple A to Green Shield Stamps.
Euro fails. Pound fails. Dollar fails. Yen fails.
All adopt Green Shield Stamps.
China’s Yuan stays relatively strong but adopts Green Shield Stamps anyway.
Central bank for Green Shield Stamps set up in Athens.
I do believe that shall happen
All other currencies will be nectar cards
Get into the attic, you might be sitting on a fortune
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/20/Green_Shield_stamp.jpg/220px-Green_Shield_stamp.jpg
Dont forget we have just given £10,000,000 to Brazil to protect their rain forest, even though some of that money was collected in tax from Falkland Islanders.
David Cameron & I thought it was the right thing to do.
Vote for EU. Vote for more immigration. Vote for a bigger state. Vote for higher taxes. Vote for giving money to our enemies.
Vote Conservative.
Jimmy: What’s it like in Peru in the winter?
Reggie: Brazil.
Jimmy. Really? It’s like Brazil?
Reggie: No, no – I was in Brazil, not Peru.
Jimmy: Sorry, memory like a sieve, could’ve sworn Tom said Peru.
Reggie: No, Tom said ‘the Argentine’, but it was Brazil.
Jimmy: Oh – so what’s it like in Brazil in the winter?
Reggie: Chile.
The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin
Speaking of Green Shield stamps, I was disappointed to receive my annual Co-op divvy in the post this morning.
It’s going to cost loads to send him back to Labour Party HQ…
Recycling is not an option, I suppose?
Only for old threads.
Oh yeah? There are only 979 of them…
Certainly Bill here is next years News
Cuts, cuts, cuts, murdoch, cuts, murdoch, murdoch, cuts, tory cuts, murdoch, To far to fast, cuts , cuts, Murdoch. And now the weathet.
This is your weathet calling.
Happy Christmas everyone.
Don’t forget..
“Gerbil Wroming double plus proved right says dice roller”.
Abandon all hope of liberty and prosperity, all who enter here.
Everton to get relegated and David Moyes to receive an honorary knighthood for services to putting people to sleep
Yes indeed Merry Christmas everyone.
And to you and all
I see the Mail has caught the BBC red handed once again.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2077796/BBC-wrongly-predicted-BAD-figures-UK-economy.html
I so detest the BBC
Don’t worry, spastics, under Dave’s cabal of sodomites you only have to wait 24 hrs for economic recession:
http://www.businessweek.com/news/2011-12-23/u-k-services-fall-most-in-six-months-as-economic-recovery-ebbs.html
Happy Hannukah!
Thank yahweh the spastics didn’t spot that merv’s little helpers at the ONS only frigged the 0.6% Q3 GDP figure by finally revising the Q2 figure down from 0.1% to 0% (having been at 0.2% on first estimation). The spastics really are think as shit, lucky for us.
Tatifilarious! They let you out for Christmas then?
Probably staff cuts let him escape his secure “accommodation”…
I quite like them. It saves me reading the Guardian.
Their EU coverage is brilliant – no wonder we give £50 million a day to that superb organisation.
Its the right thing to do.
Indeed, I will not he*ar a bad word said about the wonderful institution and actual unelected government of the UK.
I can’t see how people can argue that a 10th of one percent is relevant. For a start, how is this measured and how accurate is it when dealing with such small numbers?
Because it’s rounded, we’re potentially talking about a hundredth of a percent making the difference – given their history inaccuracy, I reckon that’s pushing credibility a tad too far.
Talking about the DM I see this morning that they are running the Liebour PFI hospitals maintenance scandal of overcharging.
Andy Pandy Burnbum tries to justify it with his usual waffle,maybe he should stick to his easy subject of 11 men kicking a ball of wind about.
Government need to get to grips with these spivs and fast.
Far be it from me to defend Liebour or the ‘spivs’, but the actual blame lies with the utter incompetents in the various Departments who signed those contracts. It’s not their money, they won’t get fired, so why drive a hard bargain ?
They’re an open cheque for the suppliers to milk the contract for years, but you can’t blame the suppliers for that – they were probably astonished how easy it was to get it through. But maybe the passage was ‘eased’ with a little ‘lubrication’ – dinners, Winbledon tickets, etc.
Hartnett at HMRC isn’t the only one with an appetite for close relations with devious corporates – it operates at every level of public bodies, where the negotiating staff have no idea how to get a good deal. Been there, seen it, it stinks.
PFI is a fucking con. Indeed, most government contracts are. Any small businessman can tell you that there is no way they can get a look in for these government and local government contracts even though they can undercut these corrupt monopolists by 50%, because the mongs who draw up the specs are all in on the carve up and need to be fed.
I have instructed the Karachi Miliband and Balls poodles that when they regain power all NHS contracts are awarded to my companies. I will be the first Euro trillionaire.
My first New Year wish (of many) – that the prats of ministers and officials who signed off each of these patently outrageous schemes should be charged with Malfeasance in Public Office – and at the same time a thorough check of their finances should be undertaken.
Maggue tentativly start PFIs, Johny Major-Ball increased it, and then came Gordoon of MacDoom thought it was a good wheeze, off the books, out of sight, know what I mean, he PFI’d all over the place so that no one seems to know exactly how much it is costing (only that it is costing a lot more than it should have cost)
Get rid of the NHS…
Get some real competition going in provision of healthcare instead of the current treatment rationing and see health in this country improve.
The trouble is as Guido has said so many times, those in glass houses should not throw stones, it has been pointed out a few times the Mail is not without its faults, blagging tapping etc
I would not want to be the recipient of a card that Toenails might receive.
I don’t read it anyway. I only read the comedy scripts which
Little and LargeMilibandwagon and Ballsup tell me to read.Mr Nobinson is known as Phil Silvers in our household, but not nearly so funny.
I’d like to Feel 30 pieces of Silver.
Happy Christmas all co-conspirators-much done-lots still to do
2011 was hardly a vintage year for the loony left (riots,its the cuts crime its the cutsrecession its the cuts)
2011 was also the year Britain finally realised why the Liberals have spent generations in the political wilderness-they are the Labour party without the pretension of being working class,just silly twats-I imagine Iraq will be staging the olympics next time they are elected
Happy Cristmas to you and yours as well
And to you Wills do not get too rat over Christmas
Last years Jake and Elwood card very impressive.
Libertarian brothers in arms indeed, with shades of blue when required. Looking forward to this years offering.
A very Merry Christmas to all .
can a Boxing Day turd be classified as leftovers?
Well done Jabba, couldn’t have said it better myself, and I’m a Christian! Happy Christmas to you Sir, you’re very welcome indeed to take pleasure from our Christian traditions.
Ditto, TRT, and a splendid clip. However, the never-ending queue of those just waiting to be offended will not wish to listen to this, never mind heed its message.
I do agree, but am a tad concerned for your blood pressure, me old fruit. I think you should have a few days rest, pour yourself a sweet sherry, put on some slippers and watch a few repeats on the telly.
Awesome clip (as ever)!
Couldn’t agree more.
I was raised a Roman Catholic but by the time I reached 12 I had concluded that the whole Christianity business was risable nonsense and that has been my position ever since.
However, I value the part Christainity has played in our culture and tradition.
I love Christmas, singing carols, the whole silly thing. I love churches and their history.
I don’t like the Archbishop of Canterbury sticking his beardy phizog into matters secular and political. I don’t like the Pope holding millions in thrawl to his supposed infalibility.
An excellent rant Sir, and I’m sure your cardiovascular system is able to withstand a few more like that one.
Merry Christmas!
Will I have to appear before the Leveson Inquiry if I accepted a card ? – and does that mean that I would have to know who I am ?
Guido – everyone. Time to look back on a splendid years’s work. Congratulations to one and all.
A very Happy Christmas
I would like to join Alan Hansen in wishing all our coloured friends a very Happy Christmas.
I’m traumatised !
I genuinely tought that was the PC terminology – I’m sure it used to be. So when Terry called that chap a b**** c*** the first part was perfectly inorder and how he would want to be addressed and it was just the female genetaliabit that caused the uproar
C**t is a reasonable description of most professional footballers these days
You forgot..’underbrained and overpaid’.
i know of no black person who ever appreciated being called ‘coloured’
‘coloured’ the way the english do things – sneeringly arrogant and oppressive
keeps everybody in their place
Both chips on line and operational then. Jock.
You have to hand it to the jockacommies, chips on both shoulders and an inferiority complex deeper than the Atlantic. Utter wankers.
I’m dreaming of a black Christmas!
+1
Guido and fellow readers.
Have a merry chrictmas and happy new year to all
so many highlights to choose from.
also big thanks to the Hard woking team in the Guy News room
Love you all x
And to you too, Billy!
Baaaaaaaaah, humbug and season’s greetings to all. Have a good one !!
How did u knows it wos me , darlin x ??
E x .
Seasons greetings to all, and a big thank you to Guido for the by far the best politocal blog on the web.
http://ak.imgag.com/imgag/product/preview/flash/bws8Shell_fps24.swf?ihost=http://ak.imgag.com/imgag&brandldrPath=/product/full/el/&cardNum=/product/full/ap/3166187/graphic1
Have a good one.
and you.
Bah humbug.
+1
!Ay caram-bah humbug!
I can warn you now the jobless figures will explode after Christmas.
So many people up and down the country living on three days a week temp jobs after being signed up to parasitic agencies.
It’s hearbreaking to see people with Maths and English degrees lumped in with useless chavs sat rotting in a soul destroying environment of factory work.
The sad reality is alot of them are poorer now than before being on the dole.
This country as a whole deck of cards is going to collapse pretty damn soon in the next few years.
Before anyone accuses me of being a Labour voter, I don’t vote or support any party, I am just calling it as I see it.
“It’s hearbreaking to see people with Maths and English degrees lumped in with useless chavs”
Maths and English degrees = SHITE
I hope you’re not suggesting that educational standards were deliberately dumbed down so that we could attain Tony B£iar’s target of sending 50% of school-leavers to University ???
And so that teachers and others could rake in their performance increases for record numbers of exam passes? Perish the thought.
Ah I see that you went to the Dubyah School of Advanced Education
It doesn’t matter about the degrees, hordes of people are being classed as ‘ fully employed’ on the official statistics after signing up to these agencies and in reality only working two or three days a week and starving for the other two while expected to make the rent and pay the bills at the end of the month.
The whole agencies thing is a scam.
Mark my words, nearly another million will be on the dole next year once they get fed up of it.
Fed up WITH it, please. (Another victim of those inflated exam grades I suppose.)
@ Duty Pedant. Well done!
How about “fed up,” full stop?
+1
Just as bad as “bored of”.
You twat, factory work is where the money is made
English degree? what fucking use is that?
Working full time in Mcdonalds pays more than doing X amount of days factory work for an agency that supposedly has employed you full time as well but treats you like a part time worker so they can dodge taxes and sign more dole scroungers off the books and collect the finders fee.
Fact.
Agencies in the UK are manipulating the jobless and market.
You are classed as fully employed when signed up to them and yet work part time hours how does that work out? You don’t work a full week because someone else is in the same boat is doing the days you are off and vice versa because they are taking hordes after hordes onto their books and rinsing the money off the government and also dodging tax.
This country is fucked. The truth will get out next year once the seasonal jobs and people wise up to these agency fuckwits and their scams.
Don’t forget the vast amount of young people inc Graduates doing unpaid voluntary work(to enhance CV ????) some actually like my son work a 35 hour week as a volunteer whilst applying for 100′s of jobs since graduating. We should also not forget unpaid internships in all sectors or where Graduates actually pay for the privilege of sorting paper-clips,collecting the bosses dry-cleaning and making the tea(all things they could have done at 16 without the need for 3 years at uni and vast student debts)It’s a total scam .The only people seemingly being employed are immigrant workers from eastern europe .Our young people are the very people whom will be payiing the taxes in future to support the state and paying the pensions of the present public sector workers;taking out mortgages(LOL) etc but not on their present employment or non-employment they ain’t.The UK is truly fucked for a generation let alone the next decade.It’d be the same whichever party was in power…Tory or Labour so all politicians are to blame for the situation although SOME present and previous have a greater share of the blame…
lots working unpaid for politicians in their constituency offices (or garages)
Simple solutions to unemployment.
Stop mass uncontrolled immigration, stop punishing employers who hire people via job taxes, scrap the minimum wage and lower operating costs for companies by cutting all energy prices.
Agreed. Where are all these evil factories provding work for the unemployed anyway?
In the minds of Ministers and politicians…the private sector is physically unable to generate sufficient jobs in the next decade and that’s further exacerbated by the number of immigrant workers they prefer to employ over indigenous workers citing poor educational qualifications and attitude for UK applicants. What ? They’re effectively saying that ALL 2.5 million presently unemployed UK workers are poorly educated and don’t want to work ? Total bollocks from both employers AND politicians..it’s about bloody cheap labour more like !!
Send these 1 million NEET’s over to The Falklands for garrison duty.
Under EU law, it is perfectly permissable to hire someone in their country of origin, sign them up to long term contracts at the local minimum wage and then ship them anywhere in the EU, to work for far less than locals would cost.
Thank God for the minimum wage (compulsory unemployment) that prevents low productivity people getting any kind of job at all.
I have sent a non denominational sympathy card to the brave socialist peoples of North Korea & wish them all the best in their coming fight with the tyranny of freedom to their south. Obama signed the card too. And Nick Clegg.
Jimmy “WPE” Carter.
However there is no doubt of the highlight of the year (well ok is 2)
1: dave telling the EU , no.
2: and of course, after 3 years of trying, Billy Bowden finnaly winning caption contest
It was a late April Fool’s
Kindly return shirt, soonest.
And very trying it was for the rest of us Billy.
Did Billy win the contest? – why did nobody tell me?
http://order-order.com/2011/12/09/friday-caption-contest-talk-to-the-hand-edition/
Looks like Billy bagged the pity prize.
F’ucks sake have you been here THREE years???????
Guido where are you, silly question this time of year I know! Well done for all the marvellous work you and your team have done for us, the vast silent majority, this past year. Happy Christmas Guido to you and your family.
Definitely +1 – and may you remain a really painful thorn in the flesh of the establishment and all its hangers-on.
+1 Really. Yes really.
Aaaaargh.
Tits oot for the lads !!
Get fucked
Steady on there……
And a merry Xmas to you too.
Sex should be enjoyed throughout the year, not just at xmas.
Happy Christmas, Happy Hanukkah …all bases covered. Do I look pretty? Don’t forget to buy my book xx
You forgot Kwanzaa. Yes, I don’t know any black people who celebrate it either, but I do want to plant the flag for diversity and multi-culturalism, even in this season of P**ce and Good Will.
Ooh how fun, a new flag to burn
As a nominal Christian in a nominally-Christian nation, I wish my good friends and allies in Britain a nominal amount of Christmas cheer.
You went to a black supremacist church and your terrorist “dad”* hated the British.
*Not on the Birth certificate.
here
don’t forget us
Here we come a-wassailing
Among the leaves so green,
Here we come a-wassailing,
So fair to be seen:
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too,
And God bless you and send you,
A happy New Year,
And God send you,
A happy new year.
I’ll drink to that.
Happy Christmas people. Thanks for making me giggle outrageously for most of the year.
Been a real pleasure meeting you all
No problem, just enjoy it while you can as we will shortly be made illegal after le*eson
“Here comes Fatty with his sack of shit…”
(I rather like that song, truth be told!)
Anyway, Merry Turkey and a Happy Pudding.
As its Christmas how about all the lady contributors here posting a picture of the baps to give us a bit of festive cheer
(.)(.)
*Not my moobs BTW*
And heres a little something for Billy (_._)
Naughty!
°U°
Hi girls!
|
°°
Ѿ
∩
Dear Guido,
We would just like to thank you for not drawing attention to Eric Pickles’ and the Police’s failure to get to grips with the extent of corruption and criminality at Waltham Forest Council and others like it in the last year. We, our friends and protectors in the Labour, Liberal Democrat and Conservative Parties thank you very much indeed. Here’s to a very Merry Christmas and even more sculduggery at the expense of the taxpayers in 2012.
The same goes for Portsmouth City Council. Looks like they have got a Lodge in Waltham Forest as well. Boaz to you all, keep troughing.
Slowly, slowly losing it…..
school run on the 23rd December? – must be a special school with padded classrooms for ex Superheroes.
Amazing I didn’t know you could tweet on a handbag!!
A euphemism no doubt, Beard Code?
There is a fab Twitter trend of people tweeting pics of things in their handbag….
So – what’s in your handbag right now?
Tidy and organised or a chaos of mess?
What does your handbag and its contents say about you?
Just peeked and mine has:
Four sets of keys, lipstick, a badge saying ‘Knickers’, chewing gum, purse, phone, a small plastic rabbit……..???????????????
Is she saying Bercooooooowwwww or big cock?
And what’s with that Olde English character at the beginning? It was obsolete when I was around, why waste your limited Tweet space?
No need to shout ffs.
None of that shilly-shally, tell us what you REALLY think!
∀ (Reader ∈ ℜ) : ∃ (Xmas ∈ ℵ)
2Ʊ2
Is it 42?
How very Formal is your logic.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Z_notation
My interest is in LaTeX.
Best wishes to everyone for a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Thought all you football fans might like to get in the mood for all the Boxing Day matches:
Although it doesn’t look much like boxing to me…
*pa DOOM poom!*
Merry Christmas and a prosperous and healthy Happy New Year.
dat’s kickin’ dat video, dat is!!
If the Jock police saw that then they’d charge the goalkeeper with assault.
Sad news that the Jockanese have seen fit to charge the “Big Man” with assault for turfing out an obnoxious, fare dodging student from a stationary train.
Any defence fund?
Any fund to charge the obnoxious, fare dodging, DRUNK AND DISORDERLY student
Individual action against parasites is frowned upon by the jockacommies. Parasitic arseholes must have their ‘human rights’ protected at all times.
New Year wishes, anyone?
please
Have been working with former PM Gordon Brown on a special Christmas pudding topping. Its amazing! Its both viscous and runny and has a very sticky constituency.
It has an odour a bit like 70 week old Camembert that really brings out the nutty flavour.
It looks just like a yellowish brown chocolate sauce.
Not only that its highly flammable.
I don’t know how he does it. Its a total winner.
I wonder if can improve on my ‘old traditional cloudy lemonade’?
Merry Christmas to all* and thanks Guido and Neo for the excellent site, keeps me informed on UK political matters, far, far more than the telly ever did.
All the best for the new year and I hope you mannage to keep on resisting the pressure (which must be great by now) to join the club.
This does not apply to staff at the Bbbc, richard corbett or those in the list @41 above.
WE keep you informed prole, you just need to stop watching that nasty Sky News and stop reading the Daily Mail
WE THE BBC ARE THE TRUTH
A bloke walks into a chemist “i’d like to buy some condoms please”, the attractive blonde behind the counter asked “what size would you like?” “size?” He asked in surprise “i didn’t know they came in sizes, I don’t know what size I am”. She leaned into him and whispered “behind the chemist is a fence with three holes, one small, one medium, one large. Go and see which one you fit best”.
So he wonders out the front door, down a side alley to the back where sure enough he see’s three holes, he flaps his dong out and puts it in the smallest hole. Little does he know that on the other side of the fence the blonde is waiting, as his member pokes through she starts wanking him off, he can’t believe what’s going on, but doesn’t complain. After a minute or two he puts it in the slightly bigger hole, to where her mouth is wide and waiting, and she sucks him like there’s no tomorrow. He fookin loves it. Wondering what’s in store in the next hole he inserts his cock, to where she has bent over to backup onto it, and for the next few minutes she fucked the shit out of him.
After he shot his load he walked back around to the shop, dazed and confused as to what had just happened. He walked in and the blonde was back behind the counter, lookin like she had just had a sesh on the Nintendo wii. She smiled at him and asked “so, what size condom would you like?” “fuck the condoms!” He said “…how much for the fence?”
“How was your time in Africa?”
“I enjoyed it actually, but there WAS this one instance…”
“Do tell…”
“I was feeling somewhat randy, having not engaged in the pleasures of venery for quite awhile. Being well aware of the HIV-AIDS problem in Africa, I decided to purchase some condoms before engaging the services of a ‘professional,’ as it were. I went to the local chemist’s and asked if he carried them. The chap spoke no English, I’m afraid, and as I didn’t sp**k the local language we were at something of an impasse. There was no one around to translate; I tried French, no joy. Finally I hit upon what I thought was the perfect solution…”
“This is getting interesting–then what?”
“After placing my money on the counter, I exposed my member and mimed the donning of a condom; then it happened…”
“No suspense– tell me!”
“He unzipped and whipped out this giant black mamba, smiled ear to ear, and pocketed the cash!”
No bloody party again!!!! FFS
OK Folks so has everyone finished work and sitting in the pub now? If not why not?
Anyway hope you all have a Great Christmas . Just getting carrots and sherry ready for the reindeer tomorrow and starting to thaw the turkey for Xmas Day.
Happy Christmas everybody.
Happy christmas nell
Happy Christmas Bill!
Happy crapmass Billy and nell.
Someone been on the sanatogen tonic wine ?
Well it isn’t me – horrid stuff brings me out in a rash.
Happy Christmas to all the regulars and irregulars. And Happy Hanukkah if that’s your thing, and Happy Birthday to Emperor Akihito.
Not meaning to talk out of school, Nell, but I have read your blog about your mother. Mine passed away in 2010. Mums are so precious, in the GOOD sense of that word, and when they are gone, their absence is keenly felt at this time of year. You are fortunate to still have yours for however long the Good Lord shall allow, and may she bring you nothing but joy till it be her time.
Happy Christmas to you and all of yours.
Thankyou and I hope you have may happy memories of Christmas’s past to remember your Mum by. Have a lovely Christmas.
I am not sending any Christmas cards this year because…
Oh dear! I’d better call Ed and ask him why. He might know.
Perhaps it’s because I don’t know anybody.
What does the ‘F’ stand for?
Or shouldn’t we ask?
In this festive season, maybe it’s worth taking a moment to remember someone important from Lapland:
White Death: the Sniper Who Killed 700 Soviets in 100 Days
http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/featured/white-death-simo-hayh/20951
Wishing you all a White Christmas
The same, luv.
Anyone looking for a late Christmas present, can I interest you in a novelty t shirt? Very rare.
You too sweetheart and a 1930′s depression for 2012!
I was talking about this shite 40 years ago, but NO-O-O-O-O, you wouldn’t listen…
I had you beat by 30-some years, Johnny-Come-Lately.
Fark off you ain’t even British like wot I is. I even rang the council to say the phone weren’t even workin’. They says its because they’re workin’ on the telegraph poles.
Farkin’ Poles..Fark orf back to Poleland. British benefits for genuine British muvvers!
If I may ask,
Why did you phone the council and not the phone provider to report a phone fault?
How did you phone the council without a phone?
Mobile?
This little lady gets me up in the morning!
Harriett ?
She’s a cheeky little thing her, mesmerising!
seems like a nice girl….
Hoon-ga Hoon-ga Hoon-ga Chuka.
God jul och ett gott nytt ar!
Tosser !
But what is Labours answer Chuka?
Moronic socialist twat !
Has he ever had a real job in his life?
yes he has! he gained valuable experience as an envelope licker emm can’t remember whose envelopes he licked .
Thanks to printing 10% of GDP to get 3% “growth”…
Zimbabweconomics.
Oh give it up Chuckie it’s Christmas!
Go away and enjoy the next few days and then come back with your delusional ‘belief’ that labour understand the economy in 2012.
Just ‘go away’ will do nicely – and while you are at it take your massive ego and the self-deluding crap with you.
Anyone got any good jokes? I can solve a Rubik cube in 11 hours. Beat that!
You waiting for the glue to dry?
Is this what were going to have all day, pish artists wishing everbody Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year, ah bugger it, Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year to all on G’s, apart from the mod.
George Michael to make statement to the press soon.
Wham! to reform?
I was once told the most useless things in the world were:- A Mans Tits, the Popes Bollocks and, a Hearty Vote of Thanks to the Staff. I now think we can add:- The BBC News at Ten. The British Parliament and Gordon Browns good eye.
Merry Chrismas to all our readers and May the Birds Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose.
And a happy winter festival to you too.
Happy wintertide, festival, dibdobs and knobs……. always keen to keep the Flippy Floppies happy
And seasonal felicitations to you, too, dear. May the Bluebird of Happiness insert itself where the sun rarely shines.
” It is going out shortly…”
could we have a definition of “Shortly” plz?
Has anyone got Richard Dawkins contact details as Id like to invite him to our carol service ?
Why don’t you ask God to relay the invitation to him?
Which one’s the bigger atheist?
F*cking sick of blue coated UNICEF beggars on the High Street today, 10 of the sh*ts along 200 yards…… “F*CK OFF”
They’re everywhere, aren’t they? Not just UNICEF, it’s every scrounging organisation clogging-up the pavements, jingling their buckets of change, pathetically. I don’t remember it being as bad as this before.
Bastards.
They are a problem, are they not, dear? I just pretend I’m visually-challenged and then ram them with my trolley.
“Chuggers” are for life not just for Xmas
Have a Happy Christmas and rest assured that your prosperity for the New Year is in the hands of the EC.
Don’t dwell on it too much.
Wonder if there is anything that David Cameron can do about Britains EU membership.
http://synonblog.dailymail.co.uk/2009/11/cameron-ignorant-or-slippery-i-ask-the-professor.html
A merry farkin’ fary, old farkin Christmas to all you British people.
All you overs can fark right off out of it.
Merry Xmas and Happy New Year
“Thousands of Westminster insiders like Nick Robinson read it.”
He probably needs to check whether you’re passing him off as your source again.
Still nasty even for the start of a CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY, you need to get over it, your lieing bastards lost on 6th May last year and hopefully they will never get back in, which if Scotland goes it’s own way, will come true, your lot 13 years of “helping the people” will take the people at least 100 years just to get back to 1997 levels.
More of a Jilted John than a Jimmy.
Jimmy is a no hoper, still clinging to 19th century solutions to 21st century problems……..socialism.
anyone who looks at scotlandshires nu fresh labour party front bench (a greater shower of out of touch, robotic , no talent nonentities you will be hard pressed to trip over)spiv salmond will savage every one of them
Is it Groundhog day?
The guidogram was delayed and didnt go out yesterday.
I wuv U Billy, you’re so anal.
Some silly so and so on Sky just said that they(whoever they are?)expect Phil should be home at Sandringham in time to go to Church on Xmas Day Morning….er silly (expletive deleted)the chap is 90 and has just had a heart attack and an aoperation to clear artery for goodness sake !!!..what bloody planet is she on ??? Anyhow best wishes sir for speedy recovery
Buck House has said he, ‘Had a good night’
Now when I was a young lad that meant loads of ale and getting inside a wench’s knickers.
How times have changes, or have they?
… and when did you stop cross-dressing?
Damn, it’s Christmas again. I’ld better fetch some mead for my peasants.
Where I live you have to score points before they’ll even let you in the door of the hospital for heart related illness.
Now I see the drawback of not ever having a store card.
Still, maybe if you come in by helicopter perhaps they’ll convert your air miles for you.
It’s Chris Huhne time
There’s a need to be afraid
At Chris Huhne time
We let in cellmates
And banish ministerial aides
And in our world of recession
We can spread a smile of joy
Put your hands around his throat
At Chris Huhne time
Everywhere I turn I’m bombarded with adverts and posters for The Iron Lady. Maybe the film will have the strange effect of making a whole new generation Thatcherites. Will there be a biopic of Gordon Brown? Who’d play him and what would it be called? The Gurning Mong?
A biopic of McMong ? It’d have to be known as ‘The Scottish Play II’.
Just think 2 countries in the democratic republic of the EU had enforced regime change this year.
You couldn’t make it up!
The Guidogram is either in front of you, or he is behind…
Or both, simultaneously it seems.
Nobody got Silent Bob’s Judge Dread joke on the Huhne thread, then?
Didn’t see that! Nice one. (The threads have become a bit mixed up with the resurrection of this one though.)
It deserved a response along the lines of I’m Dreaming of a White Space Christmas.
However, I am sure that you will be the first to appreciate that there is a fundamental difference between a void created by censorship and one intentionally crafted (and measurable in megaparsecs.)
I’d have thought an obscurantist such as yourself would have spotted “Big 7″ there
I hope I never stand accused of sesquipedalianism.
The undoubted masterpieces of Judge Dread are slightly too recherché for my times. At that stage, I was preoccupied with my financial career and having to get Up With The Cock and trying (and succeeding) to get to the Big Ten…
Are you going to give yourself to Jesus this year CRMM?
No. But if you hum it, I will pick it up as you go along.
Go on, I dare ya! Give yourself to Jesus.
Madam.
I will not provide a present of myself to a chimera. That is my last word on the matter. There is nothing you can say to persuade me otherwise.
Oh well, your loss. Just thought you might try something irrational for a change, just in the interest of scientific inquiry you understand. After all, unless something has been empirically tested, it can’t be dismissed, right? Just ask Jesus to enter your heart, or something like that using your own words; but the exhortation must be sincere.
Now! That is naughty as you have misrepresented me.
My approach has turned from passionate skepticism to idealism as I realised the shortcomings that logical empiricism entailed despite it delivering more than anything that had gone before.
The metaphysical has to be studied to understand ourselves better. Indeed, there may not be anything more for philosophy to do than that. It does not mean one has to turn Pastafarian.
One more thing. My position does admit of doubt. If you believe in Jesus, you are not allowed that quarter.
Whatever, I respect your views and wish you a truly happy Christmas.
Agree with you about the limits of logical empiricism, it’s just produced more stuff basically, interesting stuff, but just stuff. BTW, I wasn’t advocating Pastafarianism, just suggesting an experiment the outcome of which you wouldn’t know until you tried.
Not quite so. I was brought up as a Christian and even went to a church school.
My remark about Pastafarianism was made tongue-in-cheek, as it so cleverly emulates what Christianity claims. So if one believes in the Christian God, then why not Pastafarianism? Even though it is obviously set up as a deliberate nonsense-on-stilts parody.
No. Faith is entirely that. Belief without reason. All the proofs of God’s existence fail to recognise that simple necessity. Faith can come from indoctrination or revelation but, to adhere to a faith without good cause, or as an insurance policy (e.g. Pascal’s Wager), is cynical in the extreme IMHO.
I would rather play a reverse-Pascal. That is: if God is an all-seeing, all-forgiving God, he will understand why I should choose not to believe when there is no basis for my doing so. If there is no God, no problem. If there is one and he is not all-forgiving, then he is truly a monster and the teachings of the Christian church are false. So we are all damned anyway.
I only asked you to do a simple thing and you give me a complicated reason why you won’t? Oh well.
But why do you try to save me and not the much more deserving folk around here.
Do you really enjoy a challenge?
I am arguably the easiest person you will ever find to listen.
I am also the hardest you will ever find to convince.
You post here under another moniker, don’t you?
You might have convinced yourself if you had done what I asked, but now we’ll never know. My name is legion, btw.
Haha, couldn’t resist my last remark. It’s only true in the moniker sense. Wouldn’t want you to think I was old nick. As if.
Alright! I am converted!!!
Praise be the Lord!!!
Glory Hallelujah!!!
(Just joking…)
It’s no use, I can tell you’re faking it.
That is sooooo un-Christian!
But please don’t go out and hang yourself over it.
You can be saved.
Well, I don’t know that this was all about being saved, more like an experiment. If you choose not to partake, then so be it.
Do you like Chris De Burgh?
The offer’s still open, when you’re ready. A very straight forward little experiment, but somehow beyond your grasp it seems.
Why do you ignore my question?
Part A
Conversation starts: 14:07
Conversation ends: 21:10
I didn’t answer your question because because I don’t really know the fella. Still waiting btw, are you gonna carry out our little experiment or not?
Thought not.
In what sense of our is this our little experiment? What is your input (apart fom suggesting it.)
If I suggested that we both jumped off Beachy Head and you go first, would you simply jump? Because I would not follow. But, of course, I don’t have such faith.
I’ll take that as a no then.
For someone who can talk sensibly about logical empiricism, you seem to be a remarkably slow learner.
Your proselytisation skills might improve if you attempted to answer questions.
*Thinks – Pattern – Revelation*
You are not Tony Blair, are you?
I’m neither a Christian nor a proselytiser, I’ve merely posited a thought experiment if you like. I’ll repeat it if it has proved too difficult for you to understand and prosecute.
“Oh well, your loss. Just thought you might try something irrational for a change, just in the interest of scientific inquiry you understand. After all, unless something has been empirically tested, it can’t be dismissed, right? Just ask Jesus to enter your heart, or something like that using your own words; but the exhortation must be sincere.”
I just suggested something in the nature of a thought experiment if you like. I’ll repeat it if it has proved too difficult for you to understand.
“Just thought you might try something irrational for a change, just in the interest of scientific inquiry you understand. After all, unless something has been empirically tested, it can’t be dismissed, right? Just ask Jesus to enter your heart, or something like that using your own words; but the exhortation must be sincere.”
OK, I’ll take that as a no too.
… and I’ll take that as a yes!
You may!
I’ll take it as a no as well.
You can lead a horse to water…..etc
U R a cυnt @rkypoos.
But I always knew that…
xxxx
why do we all have ‘to do christmas’? can’t get away from it
I’m bored already – want to go and do other things but the whole bloody country is closing down for a week.
it’s fucking madness
postman’s just been with a selection of holiday cottage magazines for next year FFS
I hope they are not the wrong type of cottages…
You mean one with Billy in it?
I bet you would.
here lads give the rest of us a chance
Our postman has just delivered a bunch of cheques from late payers. Funny how sending people a Christmas card works better than screaming down the phone.
I’d like to wish you all a merry ramadan and a happy new eid. Death to everything.
Inshallah….
I think the Greek elections were the highlight of the year.
I quite enjoyed Van Rumpy’s speeches during the hustings. It was surprising how politely they were recieved – very few hecklers.
Bets on which is issued first.
Guidogram or Huhne’s summons
At this rate , i reckon Hunt to get served first
Ace !
SSQUKKWEEEEETTCHHH!!! DOYOURBIRD! (flap) (crest) OOZEACHEEKYHUHNEZEN!! (cuttle)
While everyone else will be relaxing and having fun tomorrow, Billy will be posting on this site all day as usual.
crackers!
WACIST!
I phoned for a job in a shop and the interviewer asked me to describe myself. ”well” i began im black…..”hold on sir” said the interviewer ”ill ask about your criminal record later!”
See you in court.
Where’s the guidogram? I’m a subscriber and I’m still waiting.
Its delayed, coming later today
Hopefully….
“coming later today”
FFS Billy, what the fuck is wrong with you?
you should get it soon.
“you should get it soon.”
Oh FFS!
In honour of those of us who have had our nuts cracked by Ed M. this year, a little sweet revenge (Ed M. second left):
Hot tip, most blokes would be happy with a beer and something naked for Xmas.
1. blowjob
2. beer
Who says Christmas has to be expensive?
Don’t take much to make us happy, so how many of us will actually get that this year?
All of us, if our women know what’s good for them.
I’d just like to take the opportunity to say Merry Christmas to all the regulars here and to raise a glass to Guido and the team.
Bottoms up Billy
And to you WVM , Have a merry Christmas and happy new year
And a merry prickmass and happy new queer to you Billy.
Happy new quеег to you Billy!
You make an impressive pair with your Fox and friend pose.
Glad to see Neo Guido hasn’t gone for trying to establish a parting in his hair and remains his normal suave, debonair self.
Thanks for your greetings.
When was the happy event? You look like a happy couple after the civil marriage, pity the bride hadn’t shaved.
A prosperous New Year to you.
Bob
it’s good to see the royal family dominating the news agenda.
my, what would we do without the world’s biggest benefit cheats hey?
no doubt the nation will be reassured by the queens speech tomorow
the queen talking down to her peasants in what can only be described as a BBC re-enactment of the dark ages
pretty true to life given the state of the bloody country
what a crime
If Santa comes tomorrow,
I’m not cleaning it up.
Christmas comes but once a year, other than that he’s a very nice boy.
FIRST!
Lay off the white lighting Billy you are having illucinations.
Shhhhh! That’s everyone’s Christmas present, for tomorrow.
I confess. I’m a total tosspot.
I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Very Merry Generic End-of-Year Felicitation, in keeping with Labour’s message of all-inclusiveness, which I am in charge of and will enforce. I am monitoring the broadcast outlets intently to see that my fellow Labour Party MPs adhere to the policy.
And I still don’t like Swiftcover, the dirty rotten bastards.
If you could have one thing for christmas, what would it be?
To multiply my experience and knowledge by a million times.
But, as Socrates might have said, if that were to happen, I would still know nothing.
Shame Socrates died so young, one of the grates.
Yes. He appеared to have fired Jesus up a bit.
Truly? Mrs P back in the land of the living.
But I suppose I shall have to make do with a fine meal of duck confit with madeira sauce again.
Billy!!!!!
You have had two answers to that.
What is yours?
@CRMM
the end of the EU and a return natonail sovernty
Bet you wish you hadn’t asked now CRMM.
Bullseye.
Wasn’t it David Blunkett who relaxed the teaching of correct spelling in secondary schools, instead going for a type of phonetics whereby as long as a word sounded as it should the correct spelling was irrelevant?
He could not see why it was a problem.
Swore blind it would be OK.
But was he or was he not a man with vision?
Apart from the fact that he tripped over his dog every five minutes, I would not know.
What was her name BTW?
Thought you knew.
He did get injured by a charging cow, I bet he didn’t see that one comeing.
comeing??
You normally spell better than that…
There are some jokes I will not do. The foregoing are examples.
*(No Rimshot)*
All a matter of taste, really.
There are some I don’t do either.
Part B
Conversation starts: 19:06
Conversation ends: 20:56
Ooops it’s the kings oak fortified wine (formally English sherry) and mince pies, another excuse is reading too much Billy.
Cure for Tourettes found: Shares in Order-Order plummet!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2077988/Woman-left-virtual-recluse-Tourettes-syndrome-cured-electrodes-implanted-brain.html
Merry fucking Xmas.
Tourettes today – Eurosceptics tomorrow.
Tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic …
Why don’t you get a toc from this one?
Money’s scarce,
Times is hard.
Here’s your fuckin’
Christmas card.
╔══════╗
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║░░7░░░║
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“Once upon a time there was a wicked leader. He ruled over the land with a mix of terror and arrogance. All his subjects were afraid of him.
The ruler ordered all his people to gather for a census in the town of their birth.
Public transport, that had been world class in 2010, had completely broken down by 2011 and so a poor, single, mother to be, was forced to travel by donkey.
When she arrived in Bethnel Greenham she found all the hospitals were closed down by order of the wicked government and his evil cabinet cabal. So too was the sure start centre that had been the only thing keeping the economy going since 2009.
She asked at a hostel but the manager was so uneducated having not gone to university because of tuition fees that he directed her to a shed out the back instead of a room.
Being poor, and uneducated as she had not even stayed on at college because the uncaring government had scrapped the EMA that tens of millions of children depended on, she accepted this shed. It was full of animals as inflation had made food unaffordable for ordinary hardworkingfamilies.
As she lay in the pain of childbirth, unable to afford even the most basic of prescription medications, she saw through a hole in the roof a very bright star directly overhead.
“Lo, a wonder that I can see such a star. It must be because the council have shut all the street lights off as an austerity measure.”
And in that lowly stable a beautiful baby boy was born on a bed of straw surrounded by livestock.
And all because of the Tories. See what that awful David Cameron has reduced the country too! Its a disgrace. It really is.”
The Nativity.
As read by Ed Miliband to the mini-Milibands.
Claps claps Claps
ENCORE ENCORE !!!!!
.stands and Claps more!!!!
Brilliant Bill , Brilliant
Ring 999, Billy’s having a vinegar stroke.
Billy’s got the clap.
Oh and Merry christmas Bill and happy new year
And it came to pass that the birth of the child was brought to the attention of the Bethnal Greenham council-lors, who had been spared the massacre of the indolent by means of postal-votes, of which there were myriad in those days.
And the council-lors did decree that the child be taken to the house of Shoesmith, for to be cared for in true Socialist fashion, which is to say, not at all.
And after much wailing and gnashing of teeth the child was taken into care by the social services, for they had a budget to justify and little to show for their efforts that year…
Just came across this elsewhere !
What sort of sick fucker would fancy that ?
Jesus H Christ !
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2011/12/11/shannon-matthews-kidnap-mum-set-for-early-release-115875-23626707/
Not sure what is more of a concern, The mother being relised or the fact you read the Mirror
Merry christmas and happy new year
Now, now, Frankie – what have you been told about reading comics before teatime?
It only upsets you…
The pages of my readers wives was stuck together, innit?
Christmas on your own again this year TaT ?
GOOD !
No Guys really you’ve got me all wrong
i was on a mining website where there was a link to a story about a cave
(Which is actually a mine) They can’t even get that right !
Anyway that was a story next to it ! Honest !
Please don’t tell anybody that the Labour hating MFHsoC has looked at the Mirror
OMG ! This is worse than getting caught jacking off by your mum !
I never look in the Mirror as I cannot bear what I might see….
Especially the one on the bedroom ceiling ! lol
Even more when the fucking thing falls on you just when you have got to the short strokes. They are not light…
I’m bored
this state imposed religious shut down of the country is boring
the tension is palpableas people prepare to visit people tey hate all in the name of goodwill toward men
it’s bollocks
Bah Humbug etc etc !!!!
Think yourself lucky it’s only one day….tomorrow..Christmas Day…when I was a kid the bloody country shut down from Christmas Eve until 28th December…. and longer if the holiday was over a weekend(and the pubs closed until Boxing Day an’ all)like this Christmas and there was no on-line retailers or internet , X-Box,PS3 game stations either just a box of nuts a couple of crackers and an orange plus interminable repeats of “It’s a Wonderful Life ” and “White Christmas” (oops no sorry they still show those even after 50 years we still get the same Xmas Film repeats on the BBC ) or Leslie Crowther at Gt Ormonde Street Hospital on Christmas Morning …all in grainy black and white on a 11 inch telly if you were lucky or it was Cliff Michelmore and Jean Metcalfe in Christmas Two-Way Forces Family Favourites from Aden or Akritiri….on the Light Programme
Merry Xmas!
No shit, Sherlock!
A very happy Christmas to everyone, and as prosperous a New Year as can be managed in the circumstances.
From your humble and obedient servant
Tachybaptus ruficollis
Happy Christmas to both the left and right sides of the caudate nucleus, putamen, substantia nigra, globus pallidus and the subthalamic nucleus.
May you be motivated into the New Year and many beyond.
Hey ! less of the Nigra Word
It could get you an 8 week ban !
I am using the word professionally.
Like, “How much for saxophone, love?”, heard recently in Manchester.
She’s got that one wrong….should be an oboe.
Only for the less well endowed
I’ve got a jumbo oboe, I don’t know about you.
It’s not the size of the oboe.
It’s the way its blown!!!!
I’ll go with any instrument that requires the most tongue action.
Does that get:
*rimshot*
??
I think you’ve lost the thread mate.
Come on.
Flute comes on here for the first time and talks about oboe…
That displays a mastery of the single entendre.
Part C
Conversation starts: 19:24
Conversation ends: 21:14
Eh?
The wedding guest here beat his breast,
For he heard the loud BASSOON.
(Coleridge)
Good heavens, modded for quoting The Ancient Mariner? I only wrote:
Τhе wеddіng guеst hеrе bеаt hіs brеаst,
Fоr hе hеаrd thе lоud BАSSООΝ.
++++++++++Breaking News++++++++++
+++++Labour Party Christmas sale+++++++++++++
for sale: Gordon Brown
Cost: 1 trillion pound
surely……. Cost us the taxpayers, 1 trillion Pounds.
We already have had the ‘buy-one-get-one-free’ deal. His name is Cameron.
A little dissapointed , I mean I really would not ask for 15 min if I didnt think it wasnt importatnt , talk about missed oppertunity to get ye some bounty , I dont know why you have got this one a little confused . It certainly isnt my hubris on this one .
The Hollies and the Ivy League
Well
They were both well known
And now there is none
Bring back the Andy Stewart White Heather Club – they’ve brought back just about everything else …..
I prefer the White Feather Club myself.
cant wait for the lesbian xmas card 2012
Thespians all of ‘em !!
Gotta admit Neo-guido looks good in Christmas card
Zip it you horny little bitch.
It would be really nice this Christmas
To see Balls hung on a tree !
How impressed I was with Rich & Marks efforts in creating Guido and Neo’s Christmas card.
@SkyNewsBreak tweeted: Russian radio station: Right wing political blogger,Guido Fawkes calls on Prime Minister Vladimir Putin to resign
Good idea Guido. Why didn’t I think of that?
Obama still owes us big time for his racist bullshit during the gulf oil spill.
It is about time we ‘negotiated’ the Americans out of Diego Garcia, Fairford, Menwith Hill, Lakeheath, Mildenhall, Alconabury etc. The CIA can also be invited to remove their 4000 operatives from London while they are about it, if handing British Citizens over to the Argentines is such a priority for them.
America is finished anyway, especially if the Socialist gets re-elected.
Its not a question of whether they asre ‘fiished’ or not – I personally hope they are not. Its a question they have to ask themselves: whose side are they on?
Its not a question of them being finished or not. I personally don’t think they are, merely diminishing, as all powers are want to do from time to time. The key question is whose side are they on?
We’re on whatever side hates you Limey Brit Eurotrash bastard Brit bastard Limeys.
By the way, we wanna extradite another thousand of ya. To torture. We’ll send ya the names.
Well we want the Confederate States to be negotiated over.
Your call, Barak.
Come mid November next year Obama’s out, he’s a one hit wonder that many American’s have come to loath. Here’s the next US President, well one of them anyway.
http://www.gallup.com/poll/election.aspx
If I were a republican registered voter I’d vote Ron Paul. I believe he’s what America needs whether they like it or not and many of them know it too. As when the focus moves away from the EU it will move on to the US and it’s immense indebtedness and bloated military.
Pot kettle.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/40/Non-Native-American-Nations-Territorial-Claims-over-NAFTA-countries-1750-2008.gif
I’ve been having this recurring nightmare all week
I find that the singing bloke in the GoCompare ads is the real Santa …. AGGGHHHHHH
Have another White Diamond and see if he will turn into an opera singer. If he does, I reckon you’d better seek treatment
Happy Christmas Guido, Neo and all the regulars.
Fuck off.
And you Eng
Merry Christmas and happy new year
I love stuffing balls when covered in Campbell’s meatball gravy
That’s another well known manufacturer screwed then.
Why are Ant & Dec on the telly? Is someone trying to punish us?
Looks like Dolly’s got a pair of puppies for Xmas!!
The one on her right seems to have been sprayed already.
My Native Indian name is Rocking Horse
Native American.
His Native Indian name is Sanjay Rocking Horse
Sanjay Rocking Horse Patel.
His French Native Indian name is Rocking Horse Pate’.
*pa DOOM poom!*
Then add shit onto the end of it and that is a perfect example of you.
You really should look up economic lunacy and you will find you are bedfellows of the same ilk.
Thanks for nothing Gordoom and a happy Christmas NOT.
The BBC have just wished me a Merry Winterval and said they hope I’m soon back in charge!
So take that!
http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/19286
Merry Christmas Guido, – and thanks for providing a life-line of sanity in this G*d-forsaken world.
Buy him a photo of you Sally so that he can throw darts at it.
Sally is one of those perverts that likes to be hated.
@Doc
Merry Christmas and Happy new year
And to you Billy.
So we all know what John is getting for Christmas this year.
Long Johns
*pa DOOM poom!*
I think just Johns will suffice due to his stature.
I’ve been at the Taxpayer-funded Sherry again…..
i’ve heard reports bercow’s fanny is bigger than a bill posters bucket
The programmes on BBC are absolute shit. How does Mark Thompson and the rest of his overpaid cronies justify their jobs.
It’s either repeats or shit useless films.
I pay my license fee in the expectation of being able to watch decent tv.
Thompson et al are just taking the piss.
Time for one of those petitions to parliament!
Comment at 10:14 moderated.
May Max Mosely shove a dildo up Guido’s arse.
any P-e-a in comment or R-i-c-e ?
Well I can now wish you all a Happy Christmas as we are one hour ahead of GMT here.
To Guido, Neo, Friends, Foes, Trolls, Those who are not sure, all your families and those that are close to you, have a great time.
Froliche Weinachten / Joyeux Noel / whatever the Adriatic slang is to you and yours, CRMM.
Don’t forget to put the cat out.
Sretan Božić vama Paragnostic! [Sretan Bodge-Itch]
… to you and yours.
But tomorrow we will drive to Frohe Weihnachten euch Paragnostic!
The cat has an electronic catflap so can be both in and out in splendid superpositional state.
*BTW did you see that someone tried to convert me to the ways of Jesus above. More chance of poking hot butter up a porcupine’s ares with a knitting needle. Very strange lot we get in here*
(This message has been certified pеa free)
Srеtаn Bоžіć vаmа Pаrаgnоstіc! [Srеtаn Bоdgе-Itch]
… tо yоυ аnd yоυrs.
Bυt tоmоrrоw wе wіll drіvе tо Frоhе Wеіhnаchtеn еυch Pаrаgnоstіc!
Thе cаt hаs аn еlеctrоnіc cаtflаp sо cаn bе bоth іn аnd оυt іn splеndіd sυpеrpоsіtіоnаl stаtе.
*BTW dіd yоυ sее thаt sоmеоnе trіеd tо cоnvеrt mе tо thе wаys оf Jеsυs аbоvе. Mоrе chаncе оf pоkіng hоt bυttеr υp а pоrcυpіnе’s аrеs wіth а knіttіng nееdlе. Vеry strаngе lоt wе gеt іn hеrе*
(Thіs mеssаgе hаs bееn cеrtіfіеd pеа frее)
Saw that – was tempted to join in but you seemed to be having too much fun.
I am always amazed when people who otherwise seem mostly lucid insist on shackling their minds to what is, when all is said and done, merely a successful cult with all the hierarchy and forced obedience that the word implies. What’s wrong with trying to puzzle life’s little foibles out for onesself? My current bugbear is the existence of left-handed chirality in all biological molecules that exhibit the phenomenon – is there a good reason for it, or is it the result of a 3.5 billion year old flip of the coin? Not sure I’ll ever satisfy myself as to the answer, but I’m damn sure it’s not written in the Bible, Qran or Bhagavad Gita.
Haha, so fucking quaint that you think I’m a Christian, and so typical of your intellectual arrogance CRMM. Tut tut, jumping to conclusions just won’t do you know.
BTW, you still couldn’t carry out a simple instruction could you? And contrary to what Paragnostic says, your prevarications were pathetic.
intellectual arrogance
What a complement for a numpty like me.
And in despair I bowed my head;
“There is no P**ce on Earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong, and mocks the song
Of ‘P**ce on Earth, Good Will to Men’.”
Then p**led the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor does He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With p**ce on Earth, good will to men!”
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the blog
Billy the umpire worked like a dog.
His stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hope Neo Guido soon would them wear.
The windowlickers spasmed and jerked in their beds,
While visions of Miliband invaded their heads
A Huhne with his windmills, Hancock with mong
A dystopian tableau of things all gone wrong,
When out on the street there arose such a shriek
As a crazed, mad Merkozy tormented a Greek.
Away to the Leveson show trial we spun
With several poor limericks and the odd awful pun
The moon on the rump of the sweet Elizee
Reflected on readers fap-fapping away
When what, to our wondering eyes should appear
But a miniature Jura, all sparkling and clear
With a portly Mick driver, so bursting with veins
That we all knew at once – it must be P** S******!
Merry Xmas to all you mad buggers and to Nell and little Nell (excepted from the ‘mad bugger’ definition by my upbringing).
LOL, nice, Merry Xmas to you P, G’s mad buggers go from strength to strength.
Merry Christmas everyone from a “uber commentor” and i am sure all readers.
I hope you all (even lefties) have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year.
Billy, you’re about as useful as a chocolate dildo. Goodnight!
And a spazzy New Year to you, TaT.
Can’t be the real tat, he usually says mental cripples.
Are you the real Anonymous though?
No, I’m Spartacus actually.
New thread
How do we know you are the real Anonymous?