December 21st, 2011

Coulson Hung Out to Dry

Andy Coulson has today lost his claim to get his legal fees paid by News International. As you contemplate tucking into your Christmas dinner and unwrapping the presents under the tree, reflect on the fragility of our lives. At the beginning of the year Andy Coulson was one of the most powerful men in the country, at the right-hand of the Prime Minister in Downing Street. Now he is a virtually unemployable pariah, abandoned by the Murdochs he long served and disowned by David Cameron whom he propelled into office. He is said to be selling his home and taking his children out of their private schools as he faces criminal charges which could lead to a lengthy imprisonment in the New Year.  Some will say he deserves everything he gets.

The greasy pole is a dangerous thing. Remember to be nice to people you meet on the way up…


  1. 1
    Plantagenet says:

    Remember to be nice to people you meet on the way up…

    Truer words never were spoken…


    • 14
      Anonymous says:

      Remember to be nice to people you meet on the way up…

      the rest of course, because you might meet them on the way down!

      very, very true


      • 29
        David Cameron - Heir to Churchill says:

        Andy, m’lad – I hope you’ve got some ‘dirt’ on a few senior players to use as leverage. Otherwise, as they say in the media world, ‘You’re F*cked Mate’…


        • 37
          Bring Back Emily Nomates says:

          When is that useless ‘tart’ Leveson going to drag the Grauniad in for a session?…


          • MrAngry61 says:

            The left wing press are outside the remit of his kangaroo court inquiry.


          • Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

            We gets any legal fees paid for by the union even though i donts pay the labour subsidy – the guy on the other security booth got hit by a truck and the union paid for his claim in the county court – it is the only benefit of the closed shop here


    • 16
      SpAd says:

      Catastrophic appointment by Cameron in the first place.

      Private Eye had Coulson’s number years before, none of what happened subsequently should have come as a surprise.


    • 21
      Goddess, Empress, Dictator Frau Merkel says:

      Agreed, however nothing is proven yet and I’m sure there is enough ammunition in his secret file to pay for the future? His Tom Watson secret file on underage friends should yield a vast sum. Now where are my Labour poodles and Cleggy hamster? I know they’re near because of all the crap and the smell.


    • 66

      What is it that he’s supposed to have done? In the flying dust and shrapnel of the collapsing Euro, I think we have all forgotten.

      If it was to publish stuff about “celebs” that they were cretinous enough to “tweet” or to “say” on their voicemails, then all I have to say is “if you don’t think you’d be able to stand the heat, then stay well out of the kitchen.”

      Why couldn’t the slebbuggers walk up to whoever it was they were communicating with, and just say it…? They can even afford the air fares, if one is in Mustique (wherever that is) and the other is in Bali (I think I know where that might be, sort of.) They’d have been immune to bugging and hacking then. Unless, of course, GCHQ had a local microphone.


      • 128
        My name is James. Who am I? says:

        Oh come now! Would you/they really waste ten grand on a first class airfare simply to tell a mate you/they had egg and chips for dinner?


  2. 2
    beware the silent man says:

    first! first! nothing else to say


  3. 3
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Ok, When will CNN act over Piers?

    If Coulson is guilty then so is Piers.

    and Guido, did you get a begging email of Alistar Campbell to day?


  4. 5
    A Vicar writes says:

    He deserves everything he gets.


    • 18
      Annonymous says:

      *stuffing anyone? … it Is the tight end you stuff isn’t it???


    • 101
      Weygand says:

      Why does he deserve to be destroyed?

      He didn’t invade a foreign country under false pretences or cosy up to Gaddafi or indulge the machinations of Campbell……..

      This is just an establishment witch hunt with all the usual hypocrisy that such entails.


  5. 6
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    I feel sorry for Mr Coulson – why are they picking certain people off? It’s obvious that most of Fleet Street were either at it, endorsed it or knew about it so why is this going on?


    • 25
      Angry of London says:

      Piers Morgan supports LABOUR. Any crime, hypocrisy etc. committed by a LABOUR supporter is completely OK as it is done for the ‘greater good’.

      Andy Coulson of course is an evil baby burning Tory and hence, for him, boiling an egg for breakfast is a crime punishable by excommunication.

      Amazing that this cr*p still continues with Brown, Blair and Campbell being far from power. Cameron must be either extremely devious or pretty weak.


      • 50
        BillyBob... says:

        A of L you are right…… and so many Labour stooges are sitting in positions of power within the EU, legal institutions, BBC and so on….always these reds under the beds.:)


      • 54
        Gonk says:

        Makes you wonder where the real arbiter of power resides in UK.
        You cross that unseen line and you get it, right between the eyes.
        It’s a combination of sudden weakness, vulnerability and circumstance.
        Chris Jefferies, Andy Coulson, Scots”big man” on train, Emma Shouty girl
        on tram. All sorts end up attacked and potentially ruined.


        • 130
          My name is James. Who am I? says:

          The Tunisians, the Egyptians, the Yemenis, the Libyans, have found, and now the Syrians are finding, the answer to your problem.

          I bet none of them reads the Guarniad


  6. 7
    chinky bear keeper says:

    he should plead diminished responsibility and tell the court that legal proceedings were a “threat to his life, not just to his liberty” … looks like that will work for thief Margaret Moran


  7. 8
    Some Geezer wot knows wot "Et tu, Brute?" means says:

    “As usual, Mr. Phelps, should you or any member of your team be captured or killed, the Secretary disavows all knowledge of your activities. Good luck, Jim! This tape will self-destruct…”


  8. 9

    Pity it wasn’t that fecking Hunt Blair sliding down the greasy pole.
    Santa obviously never got my list!


  9. 10
    Sophie says:

    With friends like Cameron…….

    No doubt Mr Coulson has a file or two squirreled away.

    And if he doesn’t then the Murdochs certainly do.

    Payback for the leftist hypocrits will be a bitch after Leveson.


    • 12
      Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

      You forgot “Vote UKIP” at the end dear.


      • 19
        Sophie says:

        Judging from the dwindling membership at the Conservative club I visited in the East Midlands last night it is a given that many Conservatives have seen through Dave & will indeed be voting UKIP.

        Hardly needs stating every time now – established premise & fact Billy.

        Now do run along.


        • 22
          Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

          So UKIP has taken over the Lib Dems then?


          • Sophie says:

            I am busy Billy, go & play on CIF.


          • Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

            Hit a nerve?

            Clean bowled.


          • Ballymoney Boy says:

            UKIP has probably overtaken the Lib Dems (not taken over), and the Conservatives’ proposed planning changes and their general weakness over the EU are the reason that Tory voters are making the switch.


          • Really? says:

            Level-pegging at the Heston and Feltham by-election; but for a hundred or so twits who thought that voting for the Bus Pass Elvis Party was ‘a bit of a laugh’, UKIP would have been ahead of the Liberal Democrats. Within the margin of error, some would say.


  10. 11
    Sandra says:

    If Cameron can sh_t on his mates so easily then he will have no problems selling out the UK to the EUSSR and the Falklands to the Argentinians.

    Today South America declared war on Britain – where is William Hague? Why no repsonse at all from the FO or Downing Street?

    The Party that loses the Falklands will never be forgiven.


    • 115
      The Golem says:

      The shameful thing to my mind is that we don’t now have any modern heavy-weight hardware to send to the South Atlantic to defend the Falklands these days.


      • 131
        Queen Victoria's legacy says:

        Evacuate the 2000 residents and resettle them in the northern Hebrides, so they’ll feel right at home, then the Argies can have these desolate rocks. The days of empire are over and what’s left is costing us a fortune in maintenance costs. Get rid of the lot of them. Similar for Gibraltar where the language, food and culture of the natives is 90% Spanish anyway.


        • 135
          Anonymous says:

          Don’t mention the oil.


        • 145
          Sue, Grabbit and Runne says:

          Or the 10 generations buried there, that will be bulldozed for a refinery when the Argies move in.


        • 155
          Anonymous says:

          No doubt a tad of hispanic family ancestry preciptiated the above comment. F’off, Falkland Islanders are true Brit and deserve to remain with us for as long as they truly desire.


      • 137
        Jay says:

        Paras going to Falklands at end of Jan


  11. 15
    Col Nut says:

    Suggested Tony and Cherie could be members of the Mile High Club but unfortunately he wasn’t ultimately of sufficient status in the Old Boys Club. Annoyed powerful Establishment figures and expendable as a scapegoat for whom few would have sympathy.


  12. 20
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    in another world John Terry can be sent before a court for a few misplaced words – or so we are told – but the Minister for ripping us off with green propaganda can’t for his misplaced wife.


  13. 24
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    Heather Mills has just issued a statement re Piers according to News 24.


    • 82
      Carefully chosen words says:

      She claims not to have “played” any tape to journalists. Not quite the same as ensuring it ends up in the hands of the media though.


  14. 26
    Sandra says:

    When can we expect a robust response from Hague to the declaration of hostilities against the United Kingdon today from a cabal of South American countries?

    The least we should do is reciprocate & ban all vessels flying their flags from our ports & waters.

    And of course as Lord West has rightly demanded – send a nuclear sub immediately.


    • 34
      Sophie says:


      Ominous silence from Hague.


      • 38
        Union Flag over Port Stanley says:

        Apart from a few palid weak kneed whispers from Foreign Office mandarins there has been no comment from the British Government. This will embolden Kirschner – Hague had better strat taking her very seriously – not to do so will cause bloodshed. A show of strength is needed – and of course to ban Argentine, Brazilian and Uruguay flag carrying vessels from our ports and waters.


      • 51
        God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen and Lady says:

        Mrs T said to the Leader of the Opposition in 1982…”the Rt Hon Gentleman/Lady would not expect me to indicate the precise whereabouts of Royal Naval vessels ………..”


    • 41
      Anonymous says:



    • 81
      Ballymoney Boy says:

      It is particularly sad that Brazil is joining in this mean act against the Falkland Islanders. Brazil is one of the BRIC nations and is well thought of in Britain. It has fallen into bad company with Argentina, Paraguay and Uruguay.


    • 83
      Fair Trade says:

      We should stop importing their cocaine immediately. I will run this idea by our friends at The BBC


    • 133
      Barnum and Bailey says:

      Hiya Sandy, luv. I didn’t realise you were a secret warmonger. When is your lad joining up?


    • 140
      Admiral Leach says:

      Hague needs to make a firm diplomatic response to this we’ve seen what happens when South Americans read the situation wrong due to a lack of forcefulness. The fleet is in a dire condition possibly the worst since King James I let it rot in port.

      The only real thing in our favour from the military point of view is that the Argentine forces are in a worst state than ours so we would be able to deploy a small force that would reinforce any diplomatic action. The key thing is that we’ve let Argentines build this alliance against us through a combination of tactless commercial activity and lack of focus.

      By all means start exploring for oil and exploit the fishing resources but do it so that it builds regional alliances that isolate the Argentines as intransigent letting other South American nations benefit from the development.


    • 141
      Mrs Margaret Thatcher says:

      Dear Argentinians,

      are you enjoying your freedom and democracy? Do your wives and daughters appreciate not being kidnapped, raped, tortured and “disappeared”?

      Are you glad the Junta which heaped those miseries upon you, is gone?

      We did that for you.


      • 142
        Admiral Leach says:

        Quite right to remind them of the awful nature of their previous rulers, we should be as accommodating as possible on sharing the economic benefits of the waters around the Falklands with the Argentines, but the issue of sovereignty cannot be part of this.

        We seek peaceful prosperity for the Falklands and its neighbours, but attempting to ‘blockade’ the island is not conducive to this aim and our government should be making the strongest diplomatic efforts to ensure that is understood.


    • 146
      Sue, Grabbit and Runne says:

      And what should the orders be to said nuclear sub? “For fucks sake don’t sink anything, because if it kicks off all we have to send down there is the IOW ferry and an aircraft carrier with no aircraft.”


      • 156
        Anonymous says:

        Our current Government has dismantled the Royal Navy, sold off the Harrier sqns, scrapped the Nimrod. No wonder the argies think that they are on a roll concerning the Falklands.


  15. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Maybe he could join up with Tom Watson, turn state’s witness and get James to do bird instead.


  16. 28
    BBC Ticker says:

    ** Breaking ** “Heather Mills denies playing voicemail to Morgan”. ** Breaking **


  17. 30
    Smig says:

    Tough. Karma is a bitch ain’t it?

    I’m sure he’ll get a nice room in the classiest building in Islington; HMP Pentonville.


  18. 31
    Ah! Monika says:

    Another Reason as to why you do what you do….Only you on the pole


  19. 35
    Anonymous says:

    A nice boy like Andy will get plenty of greasy pole in prison. He will come up and down the greast pole for many years ahead.


  20. 36
    BBC Ticker says:

    “Heather Mills ‘categorically states’ she ‘never ever’ played her voicemail to ex-Mirror editor Piers Morgan”


  21. 40
    ReddyEddy says:

    So how does it feel, to be on your own, to be without a home, like a complete unknown, just like a rolling stone…..


  22. 43
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    Prepare to be re-summonsed Piers :-)

    HMP Hilton Wandsworth awaits you :-(


  23. 46
    Lowell George says:

    The same people you misuse on your way up
    You might meet up
    On your way down


    • 71
      Jabba the Cat says:


      • 72
        Jabba the Cat says:

        On Your Way Down
        — Alan Toussaint

        Since the beginning it hasn’t changed yet
        People fly high begin to lose sight
        You can’t see very clearly when you’re in flight

        It’s high time that you found
        The same people you misuse on your way up
        You might meet up
        On your way down

        Vintage wines from the year ’62
        It’s your thing, it’s your thing
        It pleases you
        You got to frown when you cross town
        You think it’s an honor just to have you around

        It’s high time that you found
        The same dudes you misuse on your way up
        You might meet up
        On your way down

        You think the sun rises and sets for you
        But the same sun rises, sets and shines
        On the poor folks too
        I don’t mind you turning round
        I myself would even like a little higher ground

        It’s high time that you found
        The same people you walk on on your way up
        You might meet up
        On your way down
        On your way down


    • 139
      Charlie George says:

      On me ‘ead son


  24. 47
    Gordon Brown says:

    i have never done anything wrong


  25. 48
    jgm2 says:

    No wonder Morgan preferred to give his ‘evidence’ by video-phone. He wouldn’t want to be in the UK’s jurisdiction when this kind of thing is happening.


  26. 56
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    Sky now reporting Heather Mills ‘Categorically state’ she never played any of her Voicemails to Piers Morgan


  27. 58
    Laura Nora says:

    I am sure he can be pursuaded to retun to the UK where the rusty shields and swords etc etc


  28. 61
    Billy should be killed for his own good says:

    So many crooks.


  29. 62
    Jesus H. Christ, Almighty says:

    Matt 26:34 “Before the cock crows, thrice will you have denied Me.”

    Even your best mates can leave you in the lurch. I know.


  30. 63
    The cunt of Monte Cristo says:

    And yet those vermin who hacked phones at the Mirror get away with it
    Leveson is Lord Hutton V2.0


  31. 67
    Emma West says:

    I’d leave off talking about greasy Poles– you seen where it got me!


  32. 68
    annette curton says:

    Circular firing squad again, let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone.


  33. 69
    madasafish says:

    Coulson lied about phone hacking on oath..
    And he expects my sympathy?


  34. 70
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Coulson no more got Cameron into Downing Street than Campbell got Blair in. A monkey on a tick would have won in 1997; and Cameron is only there because Clegg lets him.


  35. 74

    “whom he propelled into office”

    Everyone’s a fucking comedian.


  36. 77
    whatsy says:

    “Remember to be nice to people you meet on the way up…”

    Remember to obey the law, surely?


    • 84
      Hugh Janus says:

      And to tell the truth to Parliament? It’s an old-fashioned concept, I know, but it’s time we insisted upon it.


  37. 79

    У вас есть водка
    Когда партия?


  38. 80
    Billy should be killed for his own good says:

    You should only comment if you have the IQ to do so.


  39. 85
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    After being charged with racism today, John Terry thanked the judge and vowed to clear his name.

    Adding, “I bet it makes a nice change to see a white person in here for once your honour?”


  40. 87
    Oscar Wilde, "Posing as a Somdomite[!]" says:

    Be nice to those you meet on your way up. They will screw you LESS hard on your way down, if you’re lucky!

    (By the way, prison wasn’t SO bad, I met some nice young chaps…You will too, Andy.)


  41. 88
    I do not want to share a fart wind with the scrounging, pathetic, time wasting, Edinburgh dogshite says:

    It is difficult to feel sorry for the arsewipe and that ginger mong.


  42. 90
    dr. sipp says:

    well his friends arent in high places anymore

    having to sell home–pull kids out of private education sounds desperate.

    he denied hacking to protect those at top


    can see him singing like a canary in court


    • 151
      Sue, Grabbit and Runne says:

      Why are so many of these hacking reporters saying “senior editors” knew all about it. Name some names you fucking chickenshit cowards.
      Its not libel if you say it under oath, and if its true they’re hardly going to sue you and have details come out in court, are they.


  43. 96
    Politicians are CUNTS says:

    I’m very much aware of my own fragility.

    It doesn’t stop me wanting to kick the fucking politicians lights out though!

    C’unts alll of them


  44. 100
    HenryV says:

    Is he and his family on the streets? No.

    Is their house cold? No.

    Will there be hot turkey dinner and presents this Sunday? Yes.

    He will have a better Christmas and 2012 than many in the UK.

    Fuck him.


  45. 102

    It seems to me that, given the positions that this man has held, he ought to have stashed away enough lolly to at least fund a minimum rate of existence that would ensure payment of school fees and normal household expenses for a considerable time.

    If that is the case and he has spent as he has earned, then he is the problem.


  46. 103
    The Penguin says:

    That’s Rebekah and James screwed then, he won’t go down on his ownsome, and he knows where all the bodies are buried for sure. What on earth were the idiots at NGN thinking of?


  47. 104
    I do not want to share a fart in the wind with the scrounging, pathetic, time wasting, Edinburgh dogshite says:

    He aint as evil as that lying Morgan. He is the king of the turds.


  48. 105
    Andy Coulson's monkey says:

    Andy C is now going through his files on Gideon, Davey, Govey and the Murdochs. They will serve him well.


  49. 106
    What a shower says:

    I am sure Tommy Sheridan is laughing while scoffing his porridge.


  50. 108
    Hell is other people. says:

    You fly with crawes ye get shot with crawes.
    Leveson enquiry is a panto. Morgan is lying. I half expect a boo from the audience as the evil villain slips the net AGAIN. Justice. Do not make me laugh. This is hypocrisy coming from all directions. Looks like Coulson is the scapegoat. As long as one of the hoons is banged up then we can pretend justice has been done. What about all those years when Labour were complicit and going along with the media games in the hope of keeping Murdoch sweet. It is the hypocrisy that drips from Labour’s mouth that really annoys me. I hope the public are wise and see through this nonsense.


  51. 109
    Steve P says:

    “The greasy pole is a dangerous thing. Remember to be nice to people you meet on the way up…”

    Hello Guido. Nice to see you today.


  52. 127
    Les Abbey says:

    Remember to be nice to people you meet on the way up…

    Not much chance for you then Guido.


  53. 136
    Rev. Adam Smallbone says:

    The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
    Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

    What profit hath a man of all his labor which he taketh under the sun?
    One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever.

    The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.

    The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits.

    All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full: unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again.

    All things are full of labor; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.

    The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.

    Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us.

    There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after.


  54. 138
    Llord Lleveitout says:

    Stop this. You are all under arrest.


  55. 143
    Penfold says:

    Ahhh, the smell of burnt flesh, sauteed in morality and served with a double helping of hypocrisy.

    There, but for the grace of incompetence, goes one person, of many, that society would like to eviscerate, pour encourager les autres.

    One has a touch of sympathy for the lad, after the performance of Piers Morgan, he was only doing what was an industry standard.


  56. 144
    Sue, Grabbit and Runne says:

    “Sewing, Mr Coulson?”
    “No, reaping”


  57. 154
    Iprintmyown businesscards says:

    I thought Coulson was Cameron’s friend.

    At least that is what Cameron used to say when giving Press interviews.

    I never liked Cameron and now people can see why.

    I never liked Coulson but am beginning to feel sorry for the guy.


  58. 157
    Merkozy says:

    “Once upon a time there was a wicked leader. He ruled over the land with a mix of terror and arrogance. All his subjects were afraid of him.
    The ruler ordered all his people to gather for a census in the town of their birth.
    Public transport, that had been world class in 2010, had completely broken down by 2011 and so a poor, single, mother to be, was forced to travel by donkey.

    When she arrived in Bethnel Greenham she found all the hospitals were closed down by order of the wicked government and his evil cabinet cabal. So too was the sure start centre that had been the only thing keeping the economy going since 2009.
    She asked at a hostel but the manager was so uneducated having not gone to university because of tuition fees that he directed her to a shed out the back instead of a room.

    Being poor, and uneducated as she had not even stayed on at college because the uncaring government had scrapped the EMA that tens of millions of children depended on, she accepted this shed. It was full of animals as inflation had made food unaffordable for ordinary hardworkingfamilies.

    As she lay in the pain of childbirth, unable to afford even the most basic of prescription medications, she saw through a hole in the roof a very bright star directly overhead.

    “Lo, a wonder that I can see such a star. It must be because the council have shut all the street lights off as an austerity measure.”

    And in that lowly stable a beautiful baby boy was born on a bed of straw surrounded by livestock.

    And all because of the Tories. See what that awful David Cameron has reduced the country too! Its a disgrace. It really is.”

    The Nativity.
    As read by Ed Miliband to the mini-Milibands.


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