December 20th, 2011

Poll: 96% Don’t Believe Morgan Told the Truth

A real time poll conducted for this website during Piers Morgan’s witness interview in front of Lord Justice Leveson  found 96% didn’t believe him, 3% did and 1% didn’t know. Piers squirmed and squirmed throughout. Crucially he refused to explain how he came to be listening to the voicemails of Paul McCartney to his wife, citing source protection. Guido suspects that if Heather Mills or Sir Paul wanted to, they could make life very difficult for Morgan. There is no public interest defence for hacking celebs.

He claimed that it was not unethical to listen to the tapes and insisted “I am not going to discuss where I heard it or who played it to me”, on the grounds that “I am not going to do anything that may identify the source.”

Morgan finished his evidence with the  “Je suis un rock star” claim that he was like a rock star having the worst songs picked from his back catalogue. Some front…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Piers body L:ang was awful, Guido.

    Ta for live chat

  2. 2
    paid for a crap job says:

    I watched from the McCartney bit. Seems to me that he sailed through teh session rather easily.

  3. 3
    Grassy Knolls says:

    You were so desperate to be first you hit Caps Lock, didn’t you?

  4. 4
    Cynic says:

    A lying little shit. Devious. Evasive. Incredulous.

    He was at his ‘best’ when trying to defend, justify or misrepresent the gloating entries in his book as he poured over the prurient stolen details of the lives of the ‘little people’ who could be destroyed at a stroke of his pen.

    I wonder how his US bosses will react to this stunningly bad performance – never mind the fact that he came out as a self obsessed arse

  5. 5

    “You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)”

  6. 6
    WVM says:

    Here you go Guido, free of charge.

  7. 7
    Albert Pierrepoint says:

    The only other thing missing from that link-up other than the truth, was a couple of guys in balaclavas holding swords standing behind the moon-faced lying cockmaster.
    Let me at ‘im…

  8. 8
  9. 9
    I Squiggle says:

    Having watched some of the proceedings this afternoon, with all the “I don’t believe so..”, Not as far as I was aware..”, ”I have no clear recollection of that, Sir.. ” etc. I have this nagging doubt: Did Heather Mills herself give/play the recording to Piers?

  10. 10
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    BBC very supportive of Morgan, there’s a shock, not!

  11. 11 says:

    Piers was on good form. Macca prob provided clip himself as he is not as nice as he would like us all to think he is.

  12. 12
    Use a Pun, Go to Gaol! says:

    People of Morgan’s ilk are called “congenital liars” because– ready?– it takes a lot of BALLS to lie like that!

    *pa DOOM poom!*

  13. 13
    nellnewman says:

    What a very labour brass neck piers has.

  14. 14
    Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Fuck sometimes when I reread my comments I realise what a huhne I really am. Sorry :(

  15. 15

    Moron could have been grilled harder by ” M’Learned Friends”. Especially when relating to the evidence of Stephen Knott. Moron stated that he couldn’t remember Knott bringing his story of how easy it was to hack voicemails in 1998. Denied all knowledge of it, or of bunging him £100. Later in his evidence he said while the Mirror didn’t publish the story, Knott took it to a local rag which printed it. So, if Moron couldn’t remember the story or the bung, how come he knew who finally printed it? This was a discrepancy the brief didn’t seem to notice.

    The bits of Moron’s evidence I did see him give showed he was very evasive, obtuse and dishonest ( “I am not aware” “I don’t recall” “I’ve no reason to believe”, etc. – all weasel words used by less than honest people who are reluctant to answer questions truthfully)

  16. 16
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:



  17. 17
    Labour=Looter's Friend says:

    What’s the difference between Piers Morgan and a spineless toad?

  18. 18
    Muuurty's Ghuuurst says:

    I find it scary that 4% remain fuckwits. Having said that, people kept voting for that prick Blair and his cronies. Not once, but three times.

    Some of these idiots are probably of the ilk ,’Oooh, Piers, I like ‘is shows’ and for them, that’s all that matters.

  19. 19
    Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    the toad

  20. 20
    Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Beware of fakes. I will tweet if necessary.

  21. 21
    In the Brown stuff says:

    Only 96%? I’ll have whatever the other 4% were smoking, please.

  22. 22
    graham smith says:

    graham smith says:
    December 20, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    piers morgan outshines again

    i could not help but note when mr morgan gave his evidence it was from a tidy set……his opposition looked rather seedy in a crowded mess of screens paperwork and bored women (about whom little is known)…….whilst mr morgan was sedately seated at a sensible desk surrounded only by two bottles of water which is an earth symbol and also a symbol of purity …..the ferritty movements of his accusers as he batted them out of the grounds made me think of franz kafka…..when the head inquisitor who although he did have a desk looked like a man who may have been the beneficiary of a good lunch or two intervened it was to threaten mr morgan with the appearance of a one legged alleged ex call girl to substantiate some innuendo or insignificant gossip only half remembered was savage enough but with dead sheep connotations……so its piers pudding hot soon to be followed by cold followed by old followed by a probable tv documentary about the whole levingdon enquiry or whatever his name was

  23. 23
    Anon says:

    Macca? Nice? I’ve always thought he was an over-rated cunt.

    Him + Lennon, sure. OK. But him alone? We get the fucking Frog Chorus.

    (And Lennon on his own was shite, too. “Imagine”? FFS. By anyone else, it would have been long forgotten.)

  24. 24
    annette curton says:

    Lethal force should definitely be sanctioned.

  25. 25
    A socialist says:

    Not really. We’re compulsive liars because we know sheeple will believe us.

    Anyway, they didn’t watch Morgan; they were glued to Jeremy Kyle or Xfacta repeats.

  26. 26
    Anonymous says:

    Comment 20 should be comment of the year

  27. 27
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    A bravura performance from a man whose parents didn’t take away his toys often enough. We knew he was lying, the enquiry room knew he was lying, even Lord Leveson knew he was lying, he knew he was lying and the silly little smirk on his face said.”you can’t touch me”. Hubris, little man, catches us all in the end.

  28. 28
    Popeye says:

    I’ve never liked the man, arrogant and full of his self.
    I still wonder about the insider trading slant.

  29. 29
    The Chuckup Umunna School of Tax Avoidance says:

    A spineless toad doesn’t use a ‘production company’ tax-avoidance vehicle?

  30. 30
    lafcadio says:

    Piers Morgan’s lifestyle of leisure,
    Is subject to heightening pressure,
    For his sake let’s hope,
    He holds onto the soap,
    When he serves at Her Majesty’s pleasure..

  31. 31
    seenitallbefore says:

    Amount added to the sum of human knowledge? Zero, we already knew he was a piece of worthless rubbish.

  32. 32
    a non says:

    Being both sage and onion at this time of the year is fashionable.

  33. 33
    Margaret "conveniently loopy" Moran says:

    He can always claim he’s gone mad.

    Wibble. Any prosecution against me infringes my human right to good health. Meow.

  34. 34
    Milligan from beyond the grave. says:

    A craftsman at work

  35. 35
    Dog Breath says:

    Jog on

    Why ask Piers anything when you know the answer

  36. 36
    Joe Bloggs says:

    A poll conducted by myself this afternoon revealed that 99% had never even heard of this website (let alone the poll) and 1% didn’t know if he had or not (“is that an auctioneer’s site?”)

  37. 37
    pissed off voter says:

    Wasn’t aware of the poll but I’m definitely with the 96%. Classic example of ‘when the lips move’. Wonder if it will get any air time in USA. How CNN react will say much about that network.

  38. 38
    Fish says:

    Quite startling how his memory seemed to fail him at key phases during his appearance, but at other times things were chrystal clear.

    No memory of Knott or his story…but he remembers him being bonkers and the story being picked up by the locals.

  39. 39
    I fucked Sally Bercow in the ass. Hard. says:

    I also got the impression he was trying to

    a) lead us to believe the one-legged whore was feeding him


    b) leave the identity vague enough to muddy the waters.

    I hope they invite said whore to testify. Except that she would be an unreliable witness anyhow.

  40. 40
    annette curton says:

    “catches us all in the end”, the trouble is that these people never get caught in the end, or even the beginning of the end, never mind any time soon.

  41. 41
    codswallop says:

    with effortless ease

  42. 42
    ++ BREAKING WIND++ says:

    Moody’s warns that UK could face a downgrade as “formidable and rising challenges” such as the deficit increase since 2008 have eroded ability to absorb further fiscal shocks.

  43. 43
    retardEd Milimong's Parasite Party says:

    Uhm. Bit of a problem, there. We fucked-up the extradition treaty to the U.S.

    Well, we didn’t ‘fuck it up’, we just didn’t write it up very well, because we don’t give a rat’s arse about the British people.

    You want people in Britain sent to America? No problem. Off they go, in shackles.

    Sending people the other way? No way.

  44. 44
    Watt Pole says:

    What poll ?

  45. 45
    Col Nut says:

    Well said but unfortunately in America as well as England having a regular television slot is dependent on audience ratings and many like to watch a worthless lying shit preening himself and delivering drivel on the box.

  46. 46
    graham smith says:

    the whole problem with braying for blood is that if it doesnt arrive pdq then you are just braying….if however the blood makes an appearance you can be seen as bloodthirsty

  47. 47
    Milligan from beyond the grave. says:

    Lennon-McCartney was just a monika from quite early on – very little actually written together – listen and anybody can tell the difference. I do, however, tend to agree with your analysis of Macca – but lay off Lennon.

  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    If I were IC CNN Morgan would be toasted immediately.

  49. 49
    Anon says:

    Yes. And in other breaking news, William Shakespeare has died.

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    You can’t see through me luv.

  51. 51
    Anonymous Misogynist says:

    ”Je suis un rock star.” Some front..

    Morgan is a foot in front..! Please pardon my French..

  52. 52
    I cant remember yoohoo says:

    That would make a great Xmas card Guido.

  53. 53
    HenryV says:

    What a smug twat!!!!!!!

    It is about time we started sending some of these arse ‘oles to the Tower.

    No wonder he didn’t come to the UK to give evidence.

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    comment 17

  55. 55
    Anonymous says:

    By the look on your face, Billy must be following up behind.

  56. 56
    Robb N. Steele, QC says:


    My client, whom I shall not name owing to his sensitive position in Parliament, has instructed me to firmly but politely insist that you cease-and-desist allowing any posts to show up on your blog with the word “[b]alls,” in the same sentence as [Piers] “Morgan” and “lie.” While it is true that in no wise was my client being referred to, he should nonetheless like it made clear that whatever else he is, he is not a liar on the scale of Piers Morgan, and any mention in future of lies and balls and Morgan together shall necessitate that legal action be taken.

    Yours, etc.

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    I’m also with the 96%, but what drugs are the other 4% on? And he’s a Woolwich A*****l fan, which gives me another reason to hate him, as if I needed one.

  58. 58
    I cant remember yoohoo says:

    If that was a criminal trial, Morgan would have been nailed to the wall for his weasle words and evasive non answers. Chavs try that nonsense everyday in our courts up and done the country and regularly get crucified for it. However his reputation for what it was worth is in tatters.

  59. 59
    fuck em says:

    Thanks France. Time for some payback

  60. 60
    Fictitious characters dreamt up by the press to take the blame for their deeds says:

    Will leveson now call Benji the Binman to the inquiry as he seems to be getting the blame for everything

  61. 61
    bye bye majority says:

    96% of guidos sheeple think morgan was lying…

  62. 62
    ++ BREAKING WIND++ says:

    Sorry Billy, do you need a hug?

  63. 63
    Man with a hammer, nails and some wood says:

    “Chavs try that nonsense everyday in our courts .. and regularly get crucified for it.”

    If only that were true.

  64. 64
    Queen Anne says:

    And at last report, I’m still dead, as is Kim Jung-il.

  65. 65
    Well it's a thought says:

    He can have as many symbols and bottles of water as he wants, but if he was brought before a court of law with 12 ordinary people, you know the ones he and his Liebour friends helped to dumb down, would people even be bothered or arsed what the symbols mean, the thing would be did he pass the honesty test in telling the truth under oath, yes or no, personally I don’t like him but hey ho who cares.

  66. 66
    Sheep 57 says:

    But his lips were moving!

  67. 67
    CNN says:

    We’re CNN. We don’t give a shit. Coming up: another repeat of the repeat you’ve just been watching. But first, shut up and watch 10 minutes of adverts.

  68. 68
    Mike Lewis says:

    Stop being so complimentary:I have nothing but contempt for this piece of S..t

  69. 69
    Fred Bloggs says:

    See here, none of that Occupy 1% and 99% on this Blogg!

  70. 70
    Snooki says:

    “Situation.” Jersey Shore. Nuff said.

  71. 71
    Brown Shìt St@ìn says:

    The other 4% are in a mental institution? What a nasty lying piece of shìt Morgan is.

  72. 72
    thank you god says:


  73. 73
    BBC News says:

    Piers Morgan in front of Lord Justice Leveson completely exonerated himself of any wrong doing regarding the phone hacking scandal today.

    Now the weather with Laura Tobin.

  74. 74
    WVM says:

    Oh NO why did you post that sexy French girl video again?
    Back in 10 minutes.

  75. 75
    Jimmy says:

    “A real time poll conducted for this website during Piers Morgan’s witness interview in front of Lord Justice Leveson found 96% didn’t believe him, 3% did and 1% didn’t know.”

    Other findings from the poll of guidophiles include that the earth is flat, blacks should all go home, and rich’n’mark cartoons are funny.

  76. 76
    Derron Brown says:

    Thank goodness Piers is a liar. I would be locked up by now.

  77. 77
    Radical Islam says:

    OK – We Give Up!!

    You win – you can all start printing sacrilegious cartoons

    But PLEASE stop printing this!!!

  78. 78
    Mark Oaten says:

    I suspect it would have a boiled cabbage aroma to it.

  79. 79
    AC1 says:

    Don’t worry, France will be getting a double downgrade.

  80. 80
    jimmy watch says:

    Jimmy, you can’t be that much of a regular, a poll on here of Rich and Mark’s cartoons would find them funny only insofar as they’re utter crap. Try again you silly arse.

  81. 81
    WVM says:

    Two out of three ain’t bad.

  82. 82
    AC1 says:

    did you also work on the “moon landings”?

  83. 83
    the official caption winning billy bowden says:

    I won’t be satisfied until I see Guido’s cock.

  84. 84
  85. 85
    Jack Irvine says:

    Fair’s fair. Piers handled himself rather well. He was more together than the lawyers.

  86. 86


    Please try harder in 2012. That was dire.

    Happy Christmas


  87. 87

    If you can’t remember it, you weren’t there.

  88. 88
    Jimmy says:

    I can only play what’s in front of me.

    Fraternal regards for the winter solstice to you and yours


  89. 89
    Anonymous says:

    I hope that he had a fire extinguisher with him n his little broom cupboard room in the US. I’d also recommend that he doesn’t return to the UK for fear of arrest on charges of perjury.

  90. 90
    jimmy watch says:

    That’s better. Thanks

  91. 91
    Tom Watson says:

    Piers told the truth.

  92. 92
    Piers Moron says:

    Best viewing figures I’ve had all year, thanks guys.

  93. 93
    SaltPetre says:

    Billy IS Guido’s Cock!

  94. 94
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    >BBC very supportive of Morgan

    They’re a regular surgical truss.

    Google “TV Licensing” for handy hints on saving yourself £145.50 p.a.

  95. 95
    Sue, Grabbit and Runne says:

    I reckon she’s miming. Disgraceful!

  96. 96
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    I was there but can’t remember a fucking thing — I blame the drugs.

  97. 97
    Apathy Rising says:

    Does the glowing light above his head mean he is under the control of aliens ?

    Howard Stern ate him alive.

  98. 98
    Anonymous says:

    Those lawyers couldn’t interrogate a twat faced, lying shit bag FFS.

  99. 99
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Appian Way >>>>>

  100. 100
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    >What’s the difference between Piers Morgan and a spineless toad?

    One is a slimy amphibian that fucks goldfish and the other is … er … I give up.

  101. 101
    Steve Silman says:

    I’m much bigger than you.

  102. 102
    Sue, Grabbit and Runne says:

    I understand that reputable journalists are prepared to go to jail in order to protect a source. Let us hope Piers upholds this fine tradition.

    It would make an interesting test of the UK-US extradition treaty. I can just see the slimy fuck going all the way to the supreme court (in the US), and then hanging on by his fingernails at the door of the jumbo as two large officers of the law escort him home. All on prime time TV. Its the gift that keeps on giving.

  103. 103
    Billy multi jizzed says:

    There was a livechat for the entire duration of Moron’s questioning? Gosh, Billy Blowjob must have multiple orgasmed. His entire life revolves around this site.

  104. 104
    Jacob Bronowski says:

    You spent too much time in Thailand, you old poof!

  105. 105
    Well it's a thought says:

    We were thinking of trying Liebours version of postal voting instead of the way we vote now,, electronically and anonymous but people decided it would take the post too long to pick the envelopes that had a voting slip in and change them to suit the voting pattern.

  106. 106

    But hardly in the vanguard.

  107. 107
  108. 108

    Via Appia Antica.

    Would have fucked your suspension.

  109. 109
    Tron says:

    Live and Let Die.

    That was pretty good.

  110. 110
    Enoch Pole says:

    *Goes and prepares rivers of semen speech*

  111. 111
    M says:

    More importantly who’s the other 2% who think he’s telling the truth there’s your story

  112. 112
    nellnewman says:

    I hear gordonbrown, piers best pal, phoned him this morning to wish him good luck before his appe@rance at the leveson inquiry.

  113. 113
    East India Company wallah says:

    Anyone know if she can sing?

  114. 114
    JH says:

    There’s a scene in Casino where Joe Pesci enters the kitchen of a woman who looks a lot like Moran. He grabs her by the head and shoots her twice through it. He then gently lays her head back down on the table.

    I’m not saying anyone should watch it for a bit of wish fulfilment. Not at all. No. That would be wrong.

    It’s not like we paid for her f*cking kitchen, or anything.

  115. 115
    nellnewman says:

    Sue Grabbit-Runne sounds like an HOL labour appointed baroness on the take doesn’t she?

  116. 116
    JH says:

    I keep saying it – those mudflaps will be drooping by the time she is in her late 20’s. I’ve seen it happen. Up close.

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    Who cares?

  118. 118
    the bleedin obvious says:

    No, he’s one of them.

  119. 119
    JH says:

    Jimmy – next time you a grasping for ways to look clever, remember that R&M’s cartoons are met with universal derision on here. It’s part of the culture of the blog, you see.

    You’re carrying the torch of The UK’s only Leftie with a detectable sense of humour – don’t blow it man!

  120. 120
    Tron says:

    Yeah, Paul McCartney only wrote and sang many of the most popular, most recorded, biggest selling, songs in the world. Highly rated by talented musicians all over the world.

    In any other country they are proud of world class talent and success.

    But not in this miserable island.

  121. 121

    I’ve got a ticket for you.

    Northwick Park GUM HA1 3UJ
    Wednesday 1pm to 4pm

  122. 122
    nellnewman says:

    So if piers is found to have lied under oath will leveson be issuing an extradition notice to get him back from the States?

    Will CNN be using their lawyers to keep him safe from British justice or will they see this as a chance to get shut of him before his viewing figures fall any further?

  123. 123
    Evil Landlord says:

    Is that his slimmer twin brother ?

  124. 124
    nellnewman says:

    Come on be fair. Those lawyers are under instruction from leveson not to find anything incriminating against anyone they interview/interrogate.

  125. 125
    David Mcdonald-Tennant says:

    Morgan finished his evidence with the ”Je suis un rock star” claim that he was like a rock star having the worst songs picked from his back catalogue.

    Everything I’ve ever done
    Everything I ever do
    Every place I’ve ever been
    …. . …

  126. 126

    Love the season of goodwill.

  127. 127
  128. 128
    Really? says:


  129. 129
    nellnewman says:

    piers thinks he’s a rock star?! Oh My Word! he’s more delusional than twatson who thinks he’s casanova!

  130. 130
    Pаul says:

    I have posted my 4,327th comment today after 5 years here.

    None of them has ever been published. Why?

  131. 131
    I have a very long one says:


  132. 132
    Vogon poetry too good for the Maggot Moran says:

    Maggot Moran,
    Claimed all she can,
    That’s my 80 grand.
    Gone mental , man
    Prison escape plan…..

  133. 133
    Stаіпеѕ says:


  134. 134
    The Paragnostic says:

    “What do you call a dog with wings?”

    That was pretty good too.

  135. 135
    Alyingstare Campbell says:

    Piss Organ gave a great performance today: I was proud of him.

  136. 136
    The Paragnostic says:

    I thought the whole idea was that it was the act of suspension that fucked you?

  137. 137
    rolls eyes heavenward says:

    Upside down in a skip with it’s knickers round it’s ankles like last year.

  138. 138
    If you cant do the time, don't do the crime. says:

    So the court is being held hostage by the defendant (MP no more, though untrustworthy always): Call me to account for my fraudulent use of taxpayers funds for personal advantage and I will harm myself due to my sudden “psychiatric” problem.

    Any objections to calling her fecking bluff?

    Me either.

    Win-win situation really, either she goes down for the crime and self harms, or she goes down for the crime and is proved to be twice-over the fraud by faking a genuine illness. Either way justice would be served.

  139. 139
    Postman Pat (with a funny hat, dark glasses and a beard) says:

    I know – wondered how long that would take. Almost an hour.

    Problem is that people don’t read carefully enough nowadays.

  140. 140
    The Paragnostic says:

    A small clerihew to mark the momentous perjury of the insider dealing phone hacking Piers Ploughman (real name O’Meara):

    Piers Stephan Pughe-Morgan
    Pseudonymous Ed. of a red-top organ
    Dissembled without shame
    Under an assumed name.

  141. 141

    Bushmills never killed anyone I know.

    (And the classic Tachybaptus’ reply)

  142. 142
    Anonymous Misogynist says:

    Or a cultural trend….

  143. 143
    nellnewman says:

    Just in case anyone is struggling for that last Xmas Prezzie here’s a few book suggestions that can be found on Amazon :

    Gordon Brown – After the Crash
    Piers Morgan – Adventures of a Bigmouth
    Alastair Campbell – All in the Mind
    Tom Watson – Garbage! Monster! Burp!

    Happy Xmas shopping folks!!

  144. 144
    nellnewman says:

    You too sweetie. But I don’t think politics is boring . It’s inhabited by too many self serving people prepared to sell their souls or their mother’s for power, influence and money. Great people watching!!

  145. 145
    Anonymous Misogynist says:

    Nice one Ewa…!

    Feliz Navidad y Feliz Año Nuevo de España..

  146. 146
    Lou Scannon says:

    I thought a Learjet was the transport of choice.

  147. 147
    nellnewman says:

    ‘Scuse me – that was not me you rude person. Post under your own moniker! I have never used that swear word in my life and neither should you!!

  148. 148
  149. 149
    nellnewman says:

    Most fakes on here are called damian, twatson or piers. Most people recognise them for what they are.

  150. 150
    Ali Shaquays says:

    … to take a hike.

  151. 151
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Scurrilous calumny from a failed “celebrity”. All I can say to you, me old fruit, is:


  152. 152
    nellnewman says:


    Much like alicampbell told the truth to hutton and bliar told the truth to chilcot hmm?!!

    Thing is you can fool some of the people some of the time……………………….

  153. 153
    passing wino says:

    Good luck for 2012/13


  154. 154
    The Paragnostic says:


    Whatever did happen to Tapestry? His shameless plugging of his paranoid blog was quite entertaining on occasion ;-)

  155. 155
    nellnewman says:

    You’re welcome. Your viewing figures graph is still going down. Where will it be at the end of 2012?

  156. 156
  157. 157
    Jacob Bronowski says:

    Well you should be able to save costs together by sharing catamites, I suppose.



  158. 158
    Sir Paul says:

    I think he would have said that if it were the case. After all, Lady Maccabeth’s credit rating wrt the truth is a little lower than Piers Moron’s.

  159. 159
    Anonymous Misogynist says:

    Yeah, an hour behind your neck of the woods…

  160. 160
    passing wino says:

    Wotever. *BURRRRP*

  161. 161
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    Bitter, bitter, bitter!

    Let’s not continue this feud — would you like to audition for a partette? We’ve got the rights to the screenplay from a novelisation of Pugwash, a computer game based on the reworked classic … do you fancy bulking up a bit over Xmas and applying some Kiwi to the fizzog, then trying for Black Jake? There could be a cartoon spinoff, also a breakfast cereal, and you’d get 1.25 points.

    Don’t turn it down out of hand. Think about it overnight and give us a bell.

  162. 162

    As I said they all disappеar – like pеas on a plate ;-).

    I’m sparing Jimmy.

    For now…

  163. 163
    London tram woman says:

    oi, Guido. Don’t want no more farkin’ Poles comin’ over ‘ere and farkin’ up my shitty country!
    That’s my job…Poles Out!

  164. 164
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    .Laughing at LFC , all those times you called for death of Lady Thatcher eh.

    your player said naughty word, tis socialisim, that what you voted for.

  165. 165
    nellnewman says:

    OK folks not being a troughing mp or grasping member of the HoL I have to do my own housework. No servants or expenses paid for by taxpayers.

    So busy tomorrow spring cleaning the house before guests arrive for Xmas.

    So Goodnight. God Bless.

  166. 166
    Jacob Bronowski says:

    So sorry darling.

    But you did start it.

    I will always be myself, its what I do. So I will pass that one by.

    But I do know a felid who wants a small part in anything he can…

  167. 167
    Dave Hedgehog says:

    No apostrophe in ‘its’

  168. 168
    Steve S*lm*n says:

    Ignore him.

    Unlike that earlier comment now deleted I do like your blog.

    My *real mum* says I should not say Xmas – it should be Christmas. So I was brung up nice.

    Whatever a happy one to you too.

  169. 169
  170. 170
    Lord Trombone says:


    can happen to the best of us
    leave it out

  171. 171
    Louise Mensch. says:

    Well the toughest probing I have seen in a long time, and perhaps the most telling question from the whole Leveson inquiry…”Would you like one lump or two Piers dear”?

  172. 172
    oh Yoko says:

    Yep and he wrote what was essentially a song for his children and the arseholes treat it as if Revolver Never happened, nor pepper nor Hey Jude, and have you ever actually heard Double Fantady FFS !

  173. 173
    Anon says:

    “piers thinks he’s a rock star?!”

    Such a shame Piers didn’t drown in a pool of his own vomit at the age of 27.

  174. 174
    Phone hack or Fairy Story ? says:

    There is of course another explanation for the infamous Macca phone message, one which doesnt involve phone Hacking, that is that Morgan just made it up, it never happened. Had my suspicions about the story particularly when he alleged MCCartney sang “We can work it out” yeah that sounds like a made up tale.

  175. 175
    The Paragnostic says:

    Elbowing someone in the face during a game = 3 match ban.
    Calling someone names = 8 match ban.

    Whatever happened to “sticks and stones”?

    Fucking multi-culti bollocks. Besides, Evra’s French so deserves to be insulted.

  176. 176
    A Doctor Writes says:

    I am led to believe that Ms Moran has being diagnosed as suffering from dry rot. Very sad.

  177. 177
    Jimmeh! Jimmegh! says:

    Labour manifesto commitments are always met.


  178. 178
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Nah, its worth it, they live in a world of socialisim, so they can deal with it :_)


    1: we have whingers scousers :-)

    2:The Scousers would complain if JT (Chelsea cap) was found not guilty.

  179. 179
    LibLabCon = scum says:

    An Indian wrote a letter to the Telegraph about 5 years ago, saying “racial discrimination” used to be – in the 1970s – getting punched in the back of the head by a policeman. For no reason. In the street.

    Getting called a name, in his view, was just laughable.

    It’s like me calling you “fatso” or “ginger-nut” or “speccy four-eyes”.

    When’s will the LibLabCon filth ditch the newspeak laws? When will it be legal to speak our minds again?

  180. 180
    The whole of the Labour Party -me says:

    Nothing nasty should be said about Piers. He is a Brown arselicker. The Mirror supports The Labour Party.

  181. 181
    The Paragnostic says:

    Nah. Just because they are Labour sheep doesn’t make the thoughtcrime attitude OK.

    If Evra’s not man enough to stand up to name calling, send the fucker back to France and have done with it.

  182. 182
    The Pundit Two says:

    The BBCy are treading a very line as they know he is lying and they have been instructed by Gruniard and Labour to keep the Mirror out of the phone hacking scandal and concentrate on Murdoch.
    Ethical? He has no ethics so no problem there. He is lying through his teeth and his pleading of the Mirror’s version of the fifth ammendment will come totally unstuck.
    Considering his antics and performance on CNN is less than that of a true professional I am sure CNN are looking for alternative presenters and legal loopholes like him not having any ethical standards.

  183. 183
    The Paragnostic says:

    “Manifesto pledges are not subject to legitimate expectation”

    Salvador Mundi, Feb 8 2008

  184. 184
    Equality and Human Rights Commission says:

    See you in court!

  185. 185
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I agree, but football is a socialist sport, let them eat cake :-)

  186. 186
    chaste hearts must never hear about what chaste hearts can never do without says:

    Hello nell, you may not use the ‘f’ word, but I’m willing to bet you’ve done plenty of it. nudge nudge.

  187. 187
    The Best of Simon Cowell's Looney Tunes says:

    Rock star? The delusional moron is a crappy left wing journalist who sucked on Cowell’s tiny cock for a living. Cock Star!

  188. 188
    Anonymous says:

    The Beatles were just the rehearsal band for Wings. Ahaa!

  189. 189
    The Pundit Two says:

    She is a Francoise Hardy clone but without the style, songs or voice.

  190. 190
    *Muffled voice from The Booth* says:


  191. 191
    The Paragnostic says:

    Brioche, in Evra’s case, surely?

  192. 192
    CNN says:

    We are so proud of the sub standard, delusional, lying, smug, left wing, smearing, tedious, up his own arse, cock sucking Moron.

  193. 193
    Anonymous says:

    Or, preferably, somebody else’s.

  194. 194
    Peers Moron : The Very Best Of Golden Showers. Music that takes the pìss says:

    The Moron would not know the truth even if it dressed up in a combat uniform and pìssed all over him.

  195. 195
    The Paragnostic says:

    No. Two late.

  196. 196
    The Best of Simon Cowell's Looney Tunes says:

    In at number 1, Don’t pìss on my parade by the golden showers. Now for a number two Brown Boy in the ring by Arse licking Moron.

  197. 197
    Ah! Monika says:

    “Fortnum and Mason faces celebrity battle over its sale of ‘cruel’ foie gras
    Roger Moore is among stars joining the calls to bar the delicacy from luxury store’s shelves”

    What about the 20% of parents force feeding their sprogs??

  198. 198
    annette curton says:

    And I put it to you M’lud that this was the perfectly innocent reason my client was caught In Flagrante Delicto with the Turkey.

  199. 199
    Use a Pun, Go to Gaol! says:

    With that well-known firm Dewey, Cheatham & Howe running not far behind.

    *pa DOOM poom!*

  200. 200
    The Paragnostic says:

    “Cruel” foie gras indeed. Have you ever seen a fucking goose let loose on a pile of corn? They stuff themselves stupid – no need to force feed them. Most foie gras is produced without force feeding – and it’s delicious fried in butter on some warm toast.

  201. 201
    smoggie says:

    Emaciated wee chap. The Atkins Diet is a dangerous thing.

  202. 202
    smoggie says:

    Aye, he’d run out of sage and onion.

  203. 203
    anonymous says:

    morgan – truth – oxymoron

    Morgan, an arrogant shithouse bastard

  204. 204
    Professor Sir Robert Winstons says:

    Fucking dirty little cu’nt

  205. 205
    anonymous says:

    nah, he couldn’t stomach that!

  206. 206
    The Paragnostic says:

    I thought he was on the Pickles diet?

    Pickles, pies, porter ale, popery….

  207. 207
    BBC Detector Van Man says:

    you’re nicked

  208. 208
    The Paragnostic says:

    Just read in the Telegraph that Merkel is now on holiday for two weeks – nobody knows where. No hope of a let up in the Euro crisis, then.

    Rosa Klebb being sent back to Moscow Centre for reprogramming, perhaps?

  209. 209
    Fake Billy © says:

    Actually my real name is Darren

  210. 210
    A.J.P. Taylor says:

    Establishment draws in recruits from outside as soon as they are ready to conform to its standards and become respectable. There is nothing more agreeable in life than to make peace with the Establishment—and nothing more corrupting

  211. 211
    Fake Ewa says:

    I’m Bob©. How do you do?

  212. 212
    Fake Billy © says:

    We knew that much. Tell us something new.

  213. 213

    Those arsehole lawyers couldn’t get a cough from a bronchitic with tuberculosis.

  214. 214
    Fake Ewa says:

    I type with my toes coz I’m ‘armless.

  215. 215
    Doctor Mick says:

    At least you’re an ‘armless ©unt, Bob©

  216. 216
    Use a Pun, Go to Gaol! says:

    Told to me, by a friend of the Hebrew religious observance:

    As the tin of pate de foie gras said when the shopper passed it by, “So what am I, chopped liver?”

    *pa DOOM poom!*

  217. 217
    Some Geezer wot has been said to have "posed as an Onanite" says:

    It was told to me when I was but a mere strip of a lad that 96% of all men admit they engage in a certain solitary pleasure, and the other 4% are liars. One wonders what Samuel Clemens would have made of these lies, damned lies, and statistics.

  218. 218
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Fuck sometimes when I reread my comments I realise what a huhne I really am. Sorry :(

    Not sure why comments were moderated to bottom of page

  219. 219
    Stick Insect says:

    Did you ever hear his ‘Liverpool Oratorio’ ? Fuck me. It was agonising rubbish. Total crap and impossible to listen to. It should have spelled his death as a composer.
    Macca is clear proof that cannabis fucks your brain.

  220. 220
    Evie Lennon says:

    My cousin John was not shite anon!

  221. 221
    Evie Lennon says:

    Thanks Milligan!

  222. 222
    The Poet Laureate Writes says:

    Subject: On Piers Moron Getting Away With It

    A liar by anyone’s name
    In love with himself and his fame
    The lawyers have failed
    To have this huhne nailed
    Oleaginous prick won the game

  223. 223
    Marmite says:

    Where’s Schrodinger’s cat? Probably too busy polishing his ego.

    ** Merry Christmas to all, with the emphasis on ‘merry’.

    I shall be working over the festive season!

  224. 224
    albacore says:

    “If we were Palestine, the European Union would be up in arms,”
    Ah, THAT’S why Dave prudently scrapped our last aircraft carrier and flogged all the Harriers to the septics to cannibalise for spare parts; and why he gets a touch of the vapours every time somebody whispers “Referendum”.
    He’s knows he can always rely on the EU Seventh Cavalry in our hour of need.

  225. 225
  226. 226
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    You’re easily fooled, I own a major bridge in central London, care to buy it from me?

  227. 227
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    CNN don’t have any standards, Al Sharpton is a presenter on their network FFS. Moron’s arse is safe, as he bats for the lefty side and that is far more important to CNN than any ethics.

  228. 228
    Sir Aston Martin says:

    I hope the hydrocyanic is still in its flask. Be a shame to bow to the mongs.

  229. 229
    The UK is becoming East Germany circa 1976 says:

    Quite right, the awful woman should be sent to prison and her children removed by the state, for daring to have politically incorrect attitude.

  230. 230
    Salvador Daily says:

    I am not strange, I am just not normal.

  231. 231
    Gordon F Brown says:

    He lies like stinking fish. I should know. I did enough of it…

  232. 232
    Ed Blinkybollox says:

    So CNN employs somebody who doesn’t understand truthfulness.

    So what? I don’t either…

  233. 233
    Special Ed says:

    I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was really particularly effective. Oh… and er… interesting rhythmic devices too, which seemed to counterpoint the…er…er…the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the er…humanity of the…Vogonity…

  234. 234
    scary world says:

    Who are the 4%?

  235. 235
    headmistress says:

    Graham, the word is ‘baying’. It’s donkeys that ‘bray’. But as it is the lefty frogs making the noise, maybe you actually do have the right verb.

  236. 236
    !st year French lesson says:

    When you use that construction, the ‘un’ is superfluous and should be removed.

  237. 237
    !st year French lesson says:

    Oui, vous avez raison, bien sur.

  238. 238
    The Paragnostic says:

    A fine, upstanding Scotsman:

    The 11 o-clock service for Buckfast Central via Oblivion has just left platform 1!

  239. 239
    The Paragnostic says:


  240. 240
    Margaret "conveniently loopy" Moran says:

    I’m one of the 4%!

    I told you I was mad. But I’ll get better when the prosecution’s dropped.

  241. 241
    A simple fix says:

    If a graph is shown descending from left to right, simply revolve it anti-clockwise through 90 degrees – et voila, all is well again. Simple really and all the chavs fall for it quite regularly; just ask Broonbootsy.

  242. 242
    Anon says:

    That was a rather expensive tipple.

  243. 243
    nuclear glow says:

    As far as I can tell, the re-vote of New Labour was as much a surprise to them as it was to anyone with a brain. It proved that nuking educational standards and sucking up to newspapers to distort reality was working better than expected – nobody noticed how they were bleeding the coffers dry in the style learned in the US when Blair met Bush (that’s why they NEEDED a war – nothing else gives so much freedom from normal scrutiny).

    However, the Blair group were smart enough to realize that the game would eventually be up, that’s why they handed it to Gordon. It also freed Blair to make sure he stuck away the money properly, it doesn’t surprise me he eventually had to create his own private bank..

  244. 244
    Virgin on the ridiculous says:

    So, does virgin olive oil really come from an olive’s first squeeze?

    PS: Anyone know what an extra virgin is? No, don’t bother to reply to that!!

  245. 245
    Nemo says:

    Morgan, he is just an old pirate

  246. 246
    Virgin on the ridiculous says:

    Wonder what currency her travellers’ cheques are in?

  247. 247
    Other news from Scotland says:

    How about this:

    “We hope it will help cheer people up in a time of gloom.”

    Yep. There’s nothing like a massive myocardial infarction to cheer you up.

  248. 248
    The Judean Peoples Front says:

    What have the Welsh ever done for us ?

  249. 249
    Nemo says:

    A nice rum though! ;-))

  250. 250
  251. 251

    Pro-rata that means Gordon should be fined £3tn for his negligent management of the consolidated line which, by fortunate coincidence, happens to equate to … (etc.)

  252. 252
    Virgin on the ridiculous says:

    Blimey! If I got fined a grand every time I missed my train I’d be utterly skint!

  253. 253
    Parochialist says:

    I often feel that people from Rutland get a rather easy ride

  254. 254
    Virgin on the ridiculous says:

    That is no way to talk about a previous prime minister.

  255. 255
  256. 256
    Taxfodder says:

    Good on yer Piers…

    Tell them like it is, a load of jumped up tax funded fuckwits blundering around looking for scapegoats, when they should be looking for a proper job of work earning tax pounds instead of sucking on the public teat.

    If you put yer goods on offer (so called celebs and has beens) then don’t be surprised if you attract attention good, or bad…

    He is laughing all the way to the bank that’s what pisses a lot of people off most….love it!

  257. 257
    The fine upstanding Tony Blair (born in Edinburg) says:

    What about me? How many trillions for taking us into an illegal war and killing 100,000 men, women and children?

    Meh. I can probably afford it.

  258. 258
    MB. says:

    He seemed to give a Carte Blanche for anyone to hack his phone because he claimed it was justified when the celebrity benefited from the fame then described how he himself benefited from being a megastar (even if only in his own mind). So I presume that “public interest” could be to justify hacking him.

    He must have had some very expensive lawyers coaching him but it just resulted him coming over as trying to be too clever in his avoidance of answering questions.

    The amount of squirming about in his seat seemed to increase during the questioning suggesting he was not as confident as he tried to appear.

  259. 259
    Anonymous says:

    The song is a goodun, just needs to be sung in a bleaker way with a better vid.

  260. 260
    Nurse Annie Roland says:

    Season’s greetings following a gibe at a convalescent and lovesick cat appеar rather hollow.

  261. 261
    The Eggman says:

    What, have you not heard “Double Fantasy” ?

  262. 262
    Rick the Roman says:

    CNN are very left wing by American standards – have a reputation over there like the BBC – run their own agenda, tell lies by omission, and interrupt every Republican they interview. Piers is a perfect fit.

  263. 263
    Maybe she'll throw some water over the lady on the left says:

    Lets be honest things are getting very desperate if your pining your hopes on Heather Mills !

  264. 264

    I know.

    The problem is, everyone and his wife and his dog is a bleedin sock-puppet nowadays. :-P

  265. 265
    Rick the Roman says:

    Nice little mountain top place in Bavaria?

  266. 266
    Catherine Zeta Cake says:

    Something else to thank the Scots for

  267. 267
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Sky news ! Ed Ball has called on senior Lib DemsTo Ditch their Tory Coalition partners and team up with Labour !
    Er yes Ed , So you want them to give up power , something they have only had once before in history 100 years ago
    Force an election where they will be put into political oblivion and possibly hand power to you , Where you would then totally ignore them !
    Or they can stay with a party they can do business with ?
    Hard choice that ed , i mean you have soooo much to offer them don’t you and with you being a backstabbing twat with selective memory loss , they don’t really have a lot to fear do they ?

  268. 268
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Breaking news !
    Women who have had breast implants made by a French company , have been told to have them replaced because they burst
    I wonder if the Froggy bastards are going to pay the cost of the replacements !
    Thought not !

  269. 269
    Qui Bono says:

    4% approval is about his US TV rating isn’t it?

  270. 270
    Taxfodder says:

    Good observation, there is nothing that pisses the meeja off more than one of their own seedy number making a few bob more than themselves and, center stage.


  271. 271

    Ah! But what about the men that have had the implants, Frankie!

    This equality thing runs rather thin nowadays.

  272. 272
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    These silicone tits do nothing for me mate !

    I think I’ll have them removed ! LoL

  273. 273
    a non says:

    Undoubtedly enjoying his paws.

  274. 274
    a non says:

    Otto Titzling must be turning in his grave.
    Those expecting the laws of physics can be exceeded in their desire to sport and support a 48FF are asking for problems.

  275. 275
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Even more scary when you have a couple of diseased, flea infested, stray dogs snapping at your tackle!

  276. 276
    old grumpy says:

    I don’t think Guido needs to push too hard for Piers’ come-uppance. It looks like his “evidence” has already been shown to be tainted with the whiff of perjury and criminal conspiracy……….. viz. today’s evidence.

    ……….when thieves fall out………….

  277. 277
    Anonymous says:

    Guido’s own position on the extent to which people with power have a right to personal privacy seems particularly relevant here. There are few people as powerful as newspaper proprietors, their editors, public pontificators and those who, in their various ways, manipulate and control what the public see, read and hear. At the same time, they are the very ones who assume they have the right to poke and pry into other people’s privacy.

    Shouldn’t they, then, except that exactly the same investigation into their own — and their family’s personal affairs is equally legitimate? And shouldn’t they accept that the same levels of deviousness and duplicity would be equally justified? And wouldn’t there be a public interest in those matters, since they are not only powerful but totally unaccountable to the public?

  278. 278
    Tim Williamson says:

    Piers Morgan cheerfully talks about a ‘public interest’ as a justification for the sordid activities that he defends. His dubious and self-serving definition of “celebrity” notwithstanding, in common with others of his moral persuasion, those activities are justified on the grounds that those who are powerful and affect our lives deserve to be investigated so that we know what sort of people they are.

    Well them, what’s sauce for the goose etc etc. There are a few, if any, individuals with quite so much power as newspaper proprietors, public pontificators and television producers. They seek to affect public opinion, political opinions, even — famously — affect the election results. Presumably, they would fully endorse the use of those same methods and tactics if — & when, hopefully, they are employed in painstaking investigations into their own — and their family’s background and activities?

  279. 279
    Really? says:

    Tediously, it’s about the acidity content of the oil. The more you b@gger about with the olives, the more acid is expressed from the pit in the middle.

    Calling the result of a first, cold pressing ‘virgin’ is an analogy that gets rather lost in translation into English, where a directly descriptive term would be the usual preference (think of supermarket premium ranges and the words used to describe them: nobody, not even Fortnums, calls them ‘virgin’).

  280. 280
    Voice of Reason says:

    4% believe the twat Morgan is telling is telling the truth. Fucking hell!!!!!!!!

  281. 281
    Annonymous says:

    Ahhhhh* FIRST *drank all my christmas drink’s hic

  282. 282
    MB. says:

    BBC Breaking News
    Heather Mills “categorically states” she “never ever” played her voicemail to ex-Mirror editor @PiersMorgan #Leveson

  283. 283
    Mark Wouters says:

    The daily Mirror and sun newspaper and MI5 has consistantly been harassing Members of the Public who are deemed to be a threat ie Leftwingers ,The claims that the mirror newspaper and MI5 and the sun has been phone hacking are TRUE ask John Keith Roome

  284. 284
    hirondelle61 says:

    I have yet to see a reference ro rhe most telling part of his evidence (sic), which related to his holding of shares that arose out of the Tipster case. He narrowly avoided being charged, because he minimised the extent of his purchase as being £2,000 worth. In evidence it emerged that the total was in fact £6,700. Some difference. To add insult to injury, when the name of James Hipwell was mentioned, Morgan snapped “He’s a convicted criminal.” Yes Piers, and there but for the grace of God….

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