December 18th, 2011

Exclusive: New Miliband Speechwriter Deletes Critique

The Sunday papers are grim reading for Ed Miliband, with the Mail reporting the previously blogged criticisms of his newly hired speechwriter Asher Dresner. This morning  Dresner has quietly deleted the entries criticising Ed speeches from his blog to save his new boss embarrassment. As ever, in an effort to be helpful, Guido has restored and uploaded Dresner’s wisdom to the web here for all to read. The web is forever, not just for Christmas…

Dresner once wrote that

I really believe that the reason Blair was so successful was because he spoke to centrist majority….

Something that his new boss explicitly rejects, so Dresner will have to be clever in getting Blairisms into his speeches. Ed Miliband listens to left-wing wonks who think there is a “progressive majority”. Unfortunately the polls showing the Tories ahead suggest the reality is otherwise.

The Indy reports that Labour HQ is to be moved nearer to parliament, as if the 5 minute walk from Big Ben to Labour’s offices is part of the problem. The same article reports grassroots despair from former Ed supporters. The number of despairing former Ed supporters seems to be growing at an accelerating rate.

As Asher comes in and Ayesha goes out Guido has heard more about that much contested story from last week, sources say she fell out with Tom Baldwin repeatedly and that she is suspected of leaking Ed’s media grid as a departing shot. She has previous for negative briefing when she last worked for Harriet Harman,

This of course could be the product of an over-stimulated paranoid imagination. Baldwin himself is looking noticeably rough under the pressure of propping up Ed and getting cut through for his message. It can’t be easy to keep to a single line…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Ed is a wonderful Labour leader!!!!

  2. 2
    The Sheikh Of Arabeee says:

    Dresner should just fucking pack up now.

    You can’t polish a turd.

  3. 3
    Cast Iron Dave & His New Balls says:

    I couldn’t wish for a better one!

  4. 4
    Marie o'Nette says:

    Oh, I don’t know …..

  5. 5
    Apostrophies Are Important says:

    Guido has a part time job as a greengrocer!

  6. 6
    Marie o'Nette says:

    … where my target went !

  7. 7
    Cain Miliband says:

    I’m a thtrait thort of guy! Honetht!

  8. 8
    Mark Oaten says:

    But it’s fun to keep trying

  9. 9
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:


    I understand Andy Burnham Mp was doing the rounds on TV this morning, I dont suppose he was asked about his “Bungs” by the BBC or Sky?

  10. 10
    Goddess, Empress, Dictator Frau Merkel says:

    Don’t take any notice of this, it is my Press Office that instructs the Karachi Miliband poodle in what to say. Similarly the putrid Cleggy hamster is instructed. This is how the new European Empire works.

  11. 11

    ♫♪Things go better with Coke♫♪

  12. 12
    Gizza Government says:


  13. 13

    “Apostrophies”? Crappest pedant ever.

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    I’ve had a Czech up

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    the No more Mr NICE guy on y’er knee’s beech

  16. 16
    Fish says:

    Any critique of Ed’s wofeful week on the BBBC this morning?

    All I could here (from a domestic politics perspective was either the EU or Aiden Burley, Five Live helpfully comparing the history of dressing up as a Nazi (which Burley didn’t do) with that of Cameron and Osborne as Bullingdon Club members. The Beeb of course made the editorial decision to ignore Balls appearance in his SS uniform.

    People will begin to think there is bias at the Beeb!!!

  17. 17
    points mean prizes says:

    A t shirt is in the post mr pedant.

  18. 18
    Mike Oxonfire says:

    Unfortunately, you *can* roll one in glitter.

  19. 19
    good question says:

    Says the expert on bungs of the rubber kind.

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    my mistake it was a Pole’… Ow charlie That Hurt’s

  21. 21

    Dresner got bombed in that film the other night.

  22. 22
    Anus Homo says:

    I love that image of Baldwin, he looks like a bit of a depraved cu’nt

  23. 23
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    If you drink 10 pints of Guinness followed by 6 Big Macs they pop out polished to a high sheen!

  24. 24

    Having read the deleted comments via Scribd, his criticism seems pretty constructive.

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    B@ldwin was done enough C*ke to kill a small horse and is still at it…

  26. 26
  27. 27
    BillyBob... says:

    Give him time, he is showing all the signs of potential greatness…….. hehehehehe

  28. 28
    BillyBob... says:

    Andy Burpham is another great leader in waiting :)

  29. 29

    I was a bit rude about this Asia bint. I now see that she does have a couple of good points:

  30. 30
    Some Geezer wot has heard too many politicians "baffle'm with BS" says:

    There’s a great story in Barbara W. Tuchman’s The Proud Tower about the great American orator and perennial Presidential candidate William Jennings Bryan, to the effect that when he accepted his party’s nomination for the Presidential candidacy in 1896, he proceeded to tell the crowd that the US would pull out of the recession it was in after the Panic of ’93 only if the banks would lend farmers and industry more money, i.e. stimulus, but that the bankers wouldn’t do so because of gold-standard reserves requirements. After laying it out, Bryan screams “You shall not crucify mankind upon the cross of gold!”, and the crowd goes wild; a Democratic Party boss turns to another and asks, “WTF did he just say?” and the other boss says, “I dunno, but it sure sounded good!”

    Unfortunately, this is how politics is done and ’twas ever thus: Just make sure it sounds good, whether it means anything or not. This is the poisoned chalice for Asher Dresner: Make Ed Miliband at least SOUND good.

  31. 31
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Not at all a Bliar fan, you could understand his speaking….even when what came out was bullshit. But am I right in assuming that this Mister Ed has some form of speech impediment. Left-wing bullshit with bad delivery is a disaster. Will this man ever be PM????

  32. 32
    Tom Bastard says:

    Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow….

  33. 33
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    No, No,No Guido!

    you have all this wrong, Ed along with Occupy LSX have said they represent the 99%, there is no way Ed would be low in the polls right?

    Must be a rouge poll!

  34. 34
    Anonymous says:

    I wouldn’t touch it after Fatsons had a go.

  35. 35
    DIY says:

    This is the sort of tip I come here for. Well done.

  36. 36
    Is still at it.... says:

    It’s illegal, innit.

  37. 37
    Fony Blair says:

    You can’t polish a turd.

    Gordon Brown
    Neil Kinnock
    Michael Foot

    and now, Edward Samuel Miliband

  38. 38
    poisson rouge says:

    Clever Billy, a pun based on your dyslexia. A t shirt is in the post.

  39. 39
    Tom Baldwin says:

    I don’t do cocaine. I am cocaine.

  40. 40
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    …as if the 5 minute walk is part of the problem. It is if Ed can’t remember what his handlers told him to say after the walk

  41. 41
    So Are Hyphens says:

    part-time, Shirley?

  42. 42

    Agree. But I wasn’t suggesting anyone go that far.

    Look at Dolly’s bint…

  43. 43
    P.J. O'Rourke says:

    No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society.

    If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

  44. 44
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    The finest CD in the world will sound awful if played through a crap delivery system. In this case there is a malfunctioning decoder, the tweeter is shit and there’s a lot of wobble in the bottom.

  45. 45

    FFS! It took 350 comments on the last thread to put that one to bed (in a manner of sp**king). Don’t set it off again.

  46. 46
  47. 47
    Jerry Lewis says:

    Cue Ed’s version of ‘Whole lotta shakin goin on’ …..

  48. 48
    C Barnard says:

    A man after my own heart.

  49. 49
    C. Hitchens says:

    Over my dead body!

  50. 50
    Gordon Brown says:

    Today i will be a garden shed.

  51. 51
    A vaguely practicing Christian says:

    Add To that list Labours new “leader” in Scotland the personality free Johann Lamont. They really are the gift that keeps on giving.

  52. 52
    red mullet says:

    You’re not telling me that Billy didn’t intend the pun are you? I’m gutted.

  53. 53
    A vaguely practicing Christian says:

    SC you really have to drag yourself away from here, the dishes are piling up in the sink and your litter tray needs cleaning.

  54. 54
    A greengrocer says:

    Shouldn’t that be “apostrophe’s are important”?

    (Sorry, that should have have been “shouldnt'”, shouldnt’ it?)

  55. 55

    So why delete them?

  56. 56
    A vaguely practicing Christian says:

    Im sure you have made a valid point but could you please post using sentences that make sense so I can be sure. Thank you.

  57. 57
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    dont see why Ed Balls gets so much stick dressing as a Nazi, Ed was only dressing as a fellow socialist!

  58. 58
    jgm2 says:

    Mandelson Sort Lobbying Contract from Mubarak

    Mandelson Sought Lobbying Contract from Mubarak

  59. 59
    Simon "Barnum" Cowell says:

    As I have proved time and time again , get the image right and the public will buy into any old shit.

  60. 60
    ffs! says:

    It’s funnier to leave the sad fuck to post shite 24/7.

  61. 61
    twat watch says:


  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    errm when the Gov’s finished shafting me…..will you pull me Pant’s up..Ta!

  63. 63
    Ed "4 x 2" Miliband says:

    I am thlightly contherned about my colleague’th attitude towardth Jewth.

  64. 64
    A Vaguely Practising Christian says:

    No but drugs prevelant at the time are good representations of what kind of society we live in. Cocaine for example is a fine representation of the vaccous, shallow fuckwitted Society of the moment.

  65. 65
    chase me says:

    You’re a leg-end Billy. A t shirt is in the post.

  66. 66
    BillyBob... says:

    ‘Tis the taking part that counts……. if it all goes tits up then rewrite history :)

  67. 67
    Anonymous says:


  68. 68
    Instant arsehole: just add alcohol says:

    Yes, but I think a couple of the traits you list tend to get exacerbated by alcohol.

  69. 69
    Cuddle Cat says:


  70. 70
    Mad Hattie Harman's curiously cavernous front bottom says:

    “if it all goes tits up then rewrite history”

    I am not aware of any British female politician, past or present, by the name of Margaret Thatcher.

  71. 71
    Who? says:

  72. 72
    L Austin London says:

    Not to mention him not being able to remember the way.

  73. 73
    Margaret Moran says:

    When have the British public ever elected anybody who looked and sounded like a mong?

  74. 74
    JS Bach says:

    Why has this woman got a boy’s name?

  75. 75
    The contributing artist says:

    I do requests. If you want a hitler ‘tache on any image of Ed Balls, I’m your man.

  76. 76
    Percy Throwup says:

    ….. full of manure.

  77. 77

    Exhausted! Just got back from shopping in Milano.

    I’ve got your Christmas present:

    Give me your address and I will post it to you.

  78. 78
    Lard Presclott says:

    ‘ey up ya beggar, that sounds like my kind of diet lad

  79. 79

    A walk in the woods might take longer …

  80. 80
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

  81. 81
    not a machine says:

    We still dont know if Ed would have signed the treaty or not do we ? Nor it seems do we know if Nick and Vince would have ? whilst a good thrashing of the conservative lead gets an airing .
    Nick thinks marriage is a private matter , but has no reason to explain if its private matter with a positive effect on peoples lives , that governements should uphold and support .
    prof Dawkins thinks biblical morality has not been a foundation and that if we followed it , we would be stoniing people seemingly missing out the whole of new testament “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” Noting he has declined a debate with top USA appologist and too many other offered champions , that he sees as beneath him , or just maybe frit .
    3mn UK jobs are at risk if the euro fails and then tags its eurosceptics , completely missing, if it is failing eursozone members by its inherent inflexibility , debts and corruptions. seems to miss out 5mn unemployed that grew under pro EU blair , still lets not let a little amnesia and distortion of truth get in the way of a bit of lib dem kinda of day .

    Just concerns me what passes for answers these days in the game of “step in my turd”,

  82. 82

    Which one got the job? The one that could spell?

    No. The one with the biggest tits.

  83. 83
    joescotus says:

    anas sarwar ….. comes from a lovely family, go on google them

  84. 84
  85. 85
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Shame you left your collection of tools in westminster….

  86. 86
    Labour Ingsoc Unit says:

    “He who controls the present, controls the past. He who controls the past, controls the future.”

  87. 87
    Wiv luv from Brickston says:

    Includin’ all de spades , man.

  88. 88
    What a plonker. says:

    Johann Lamont looks like Angela Merkel on a bad hair day.

  89. 89
    What a plonker. says:

    Yes ,he can be held up as the biggest failure as a prime minister
    for the last 100 years.

  90. 90
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

  91. 91
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    well he was good for the stats here :-)

  92. 92
    council tax doesn't have to be taxing says:

    This looks like fun, courtesy of OH.

  93. 93
    council tax doesn't have to be taxing says:

    Fucking mod. Type, http://www.callmeacuп into your browser,(do not cut and paste this!)

  94. 94
    council tax doesn't have to be taxing says:

    Or click on link1

  95. 95
    Anonymous says:

    Seen on a lakeside sign near Sc’s house.


  96. 96
    Billy Bigtits says:

    Where do I sign?

  97. 97
    F5 all over again says:

    Don’t be so modest Billy, you’re still No.1, and No.2’s on a bad day.

  98. 98
    postscript says:

    BTW, a t shirt is in the post.

  99. 99
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Ed Miliband will be the greatest Primeminister ever !

  100. 100
  101. 101
    Tom Badwind says:


  102. 102
  103. 103
    retardEd Miliband says:

    It’s pronounthed “Prime Minithter”. And yeth, I will be the greatetht.

    Even now, I can picture my adoring public waving their handth and cheering me ath I enter Downing Thtreet. And when I am in there, I thall thay to the union bo’theth, “would you like thugar in your tea, my mathterth?”

    It’th tho exthiting! I am tho much looking forward to thith.

  104. 104
    Ed Miliband's Parasite Party says:

    We wish to point out that – as the Dear Leader Himself has said – the Party headed by Dear Leader Miliband is an entirely New Generation.

    Any similarity amongst all the Shadow Cabinet to the shower of shit we had from 1997-2010 is a figment of your imagination.

    Furthermore, none of the Dear Leader’s team ever worked in Brown’s cabinet. The names and faces are the same, but this just an amazing co-incidence.

    Thank you.

  105. 105
    Juthtine says:

    Wake up, Ed. Time to wash the car.

  106. 106

    Ta! Mr/Mrs/Miss front bottom!

    Must be one of those few good stories that Pierce did not steal off Guido. Harman’s omission spеaks more loudly of her own utter wretchedness and weakness than any 21-gun salute could.

    *What an amazing moniker, I have long been thinking. Don’t know whether to be revulsed or inquisitive*

  107. 107

    He who holds the balls, controls the game?

  108. 108
    The Rt Hon Baron Kinnockio of Bedwetting says:

    We’re on a roll..we’ve got our party back….I remember those glory years of 1983 to 1992…

  109. 109
    A very bad sign says:

    Strategic mandeson publicly supports Team Mubbarak….and 10 days later the regime collapses.

  110. 110
    The Rt Hon Baron Kinnochio of WorldCorp/EUSSR says:

    Are you with meeeee? We’re alrighttt! We’re alrighttt! We’re alrighttt!

  111. 111
    More money than sense says:

    It is the beginning of the end of money making team Blair. But then mystic tone has a new role up his sleeve.

  112. 112
    Schrőminger's snatch, the new Billy Bowden says:

    Hi Billy, this is the view from my bog in the Sodomites. Weep you little bastard.

  113. 113

    That’s the one! But you only photographed the lodge.

  114. 114
    Vince Cable's rucksack says:

    Vince says to tell you he doesn’t have an opinion on this issue. (But I know he’s after Nick’s job).

  115. 115
    Colonel Blimp says:

    He who holds the balls is Mandleson.
    (Often, according to his catamite!)

  116. 116
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    SO Dave has bowed to Labour pressure and sacked the Aid who went to a party where someone just happened to be wearing a Nazi uniform Lets hope Ed Balls or any other Labour wanker does not try to make political capitol out of this .
    Including the slapper who posed with the statue of Hitler !

  117. 117
    Pompey says:

    Hi Christian, it’s been a long time

  118. 118

    Balls and pyramids then…

  119. 119
    well chuffed says:

    in reply to joescotus’ point … WTF is it with socialists that they hate royalty and inherited wealth (except their own) and then go and create a dynasty , not just in a party but in a particular seat. Just like that weirdo lot in North Korea.

  120. 120
    Anna says:

    Gotta laugh about all this. Ed Miliband is the Unions’ placeman, and what is he doing? Virtually guaranteeing that Labour won’t get elected any time soon. If I see that as a hilarious come-uppance for the Unions, I will happily admit I’m biased! David Miliband, meanwhile, has rather grown since his ousting. Sounds positively human these days, even likeable (which is not to say I would vote for him, just recognising realities). Governed by the Unions, Labour missed a trick there. As a famous woman allegedly once said, “It’s a funny old world…”

  121. 121

    The unions are mostly run by Bolsheviks. They have not even got to Stalin yet, let alone perestroika and glasnost.

  122. 122
  123. 123
    C Barnard says:

    And there I was thinking you’d forgotten me.
    How’s my star Louis doing these days ? – a little red dwarf but a big-hearted fellow. (Truth be known, he’s a bit dim.)

  124. 124
    A Fine Pair Of Lungs says:

    Who are all the jumped up idiots? Asher this, Ayeshat this and Arsewipe that?
    Guido it Bliarism not Blairism.

  125. 125
    genghiz the kahn says:

    A shit in a silk stocking.

  126. 126
    The Church of Dave. says:

    Ed’s speech at the last Labour Conference was dismal. Say what you like about Labour, they usually deliver a bloody good speech even if it is full of lies or undeliverable promises. What happened?

  127. 127
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    Don’t forget that Ed Balls dressed up as Santa Klaus Barbie recently.

  128. 128
    The Church Of Dave says:

    I have built my shrine for Brave Dave. He will lead us out of the Land of slavery, he will free his people from the misery of second class citizenship. Brave Dave our true leader will lead us out of the darkness that is Europe and into the light of democracy. He has given us sign. He has shown us his Veto. All praise to Brave Dave. Hallelujah.

  129. 129

    Cameron finds sacking members of his own party who’ve only embarrassed themselves very easy, doesn’t he? Pity he never feels the same way about the likes of Chris Huhne who’s not just an embarrassing backstabbing bastard, he’s also subject of a police investigation suspected of committing a criminal offence. My question to Wavey Davey is WHY haven’t you sacked Huhne yet?

  130. 130
    Rt Hon Jim "Hacker" says:

    We’ve just uncovered new footage of the Miliband of Brothers after the election of Ed– warning, this video may be offensive, not to any normal person, but to the Brothers themselves:

    This footage, however, may land us a super-injunction so enjoy it whilst you still can, before it’s taken down and we are hauled in front of the Leveson Inquiry to find out how we obtained it.

  131. 131
    Politicians are CUNTS says:

    rather than just disappearing into the shadows for a while before attaining public prominence at a later day, usually by standing as an MP, why can’t these people just be shot – no matter what party they adhere to????

  132. 132
    Sungei Patani says:

    Impossible, cocaine makes some people very happy.

  133. 133
    Sungei Patani says:

    In Luton in 1997, 2001, 2005.

  134. 134
    Pepsi is the real thing says:

  135. 135
    Really? says:

    Impossible, it makes people spout bullshit confidently.

  136. 136
    Really? says:

    No, you useless and deluded ginger tit.

  137. 137
    Really? says:

    Broken link. What did I miss?

  138. 138
    Cynic says:

    Poor Baldwin. From your photo it looks like Milliband makes him go out in the snow to work in this terrible cold weather. Cant some of his Union friends speak up on his behalf.

  139. 139
    RunningDog says:

    Pseudo-new labour’s ruling dinosaurs navel-gaze as they dream of old, discredited socialism-forms. They imagine the witless milliband.ed as archetypal exploitable proletariat and appoint him to give virtual reality to their outmoded dream/nightmare; their involuntary suspension of disbelief entails wilful ignorance of empirical poll-reality.

Seen Elsewhere

UKIP on 23% With Survation | Mirror
UKIP Could Deal With Dave | Douglas Carswell
Tories Would Lower Benefit Cap | Telegraph
Bashir Twitter Meltdown | Mirror
Bashir is a Wrong’un | Norman Tebbit
Natalie Bennett Says it Should Not be a Crime to Belong to ISIS | Indy
LibDems Fifth in London | Standard
45 Mirror Group Stories Linked to Phone-Hacking | Press Gazette
Dave’s Diet | Speccie
Pink’O’Flynn | HuffPo
Trojan Horse Destroying British Values | Nick Wood

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“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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