December 15th, 2011

Exclusive: Ed Miliband Sacks His PMQs Joke Writer

Ayesha Hazarika – a former stand-up comedienne – who previously crafted one-liners for PMQs has been sacked by Ed Miliband as his spokesperson. Labour sources say that the Political Adviser (PAd) wasn’t sacked over yesterday’s dismal performance in particular. The decision was made some weeks ago, in part because Ed Miliband felt she wasn’t performing well in the role of presenting him to the media and he was also increasingly uncomfortable over her close relationship with Tom Watson. Ayesha has been consoling Tom during his marriage break-up.

On hearing that her former SpAd was to be sacked by Ed Miliband, Harriet Harman offered Ayesha her old job back working for her. This didn’t go down well with Ed Miliband who took Ayesha’s re-appointment by his deputy-leader as something of an affront to his authority. Such is the weakness of his leadership that Harriet Harman ignored Ed’s protests.

UPDATE: Ed’s people now spinning Ayesha wasn’t sacked, she was “made redundant”, that must be because Ed Miliband doesn’t need a media spokesperson and Harriet needs another? Paul Waugh was told this morning that she left by “mutual consent”Hopefully they will get their line straight by lunchtime.


  1. 1
    Fraud says:

    never rains but it pours


    • 35
      Nemo says:

      Therefore, if you want to stay dry, you get under cover


      • 75
        Hang The Bastards says:

        Ton Watson marriage breakup – couldn’t happen to a nicer guy !

        I would like to see the divorce petition. It would read

        “he is a fat useless lying hypocritical loathsome smug wanker your honour”


        • 81
          K. Hardy says:

          It was a surprise to me the ugly fat fecker was married. Did the Party find someone to be sacrificed for the greater good?


          • Anonymous says:

            I thought he was just another gayer tbh, or does he swing both ways? Either way, this chick has got some serious fucking eyesight problems


        • 134
          Bulldog Drummond says:

          Twatson the most clinical forensic question asker to walk the planet in his own mind.


          • misterned says:

            Correct, just a bullying twat in everyone else’s.

            As for the update to the article: “Ed’s people now spinning Ayesha wasn’t sacked, she was “made redundant”, that must be because Ed Miliband doesn’t need a media spokesperson and Harriet needs another? ”

            Surely all we need do is wait and see if Ed appoints another media spokesperson to replace her. If he does, she can sue for wrongful dismissal. Also has she received a notice of redundancy or a notice of dismissal? or was she in a fixed term contract?


        • 173
          Mike Lewis says:

          Far too complimentary


        • 207
          cidermaker says:

          Flipping through the TV channels one evening in a vain attempt to find something watchable I had the misfortune to cross a channel on which the well known soap Eastenders was showing..
          On screen at that particular instant was a character named Derek.
          Bruddy L that Watson bloke gets around doesn’t he!!!!


    • 56
      Belly laugh says:

      Too crap to sack.


    • 132
      Bulldog Drummond says:

      Militwat could sack the whole labour front bench and it would not help him. Give it another few weeks and the penny will drop – perhaps the real issue is the one in front of the mirror and not the Daily Mirror!


    • 143
      Ed Miliband says:

      When I don’t sack somebody they stay not sacked, or possibly vice versa.



    • 179
      M says:

      Loyal Harriet Harman manoeuvring behind her leaders back , who’d a thought it !
      It’ll be the unions that take the decision to off load ed or not , remember he’s their man who’ll channel the countries finances into the unions bank accounts to pay them back for bankrolling the
      ” socialist workers union labour party ”
      ( give it it’s full title , why not )


  2. 2
    Gaylord says:

    What a sorry state Labour are in…


  3. 3
    robvsnature says:

    Oh dear Ed, nothing’s going right is it. Now you’ve pissed off the sisterhood too!

    What is Ed’s problem with women? Apart from the fact they have more balls than him, obviously.


  4. 4
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    Couldn’t get any worse than his dire performance yesterday could it?


  5. 5
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    It’s Christmas – can we lay off Ed for a day – I am beginning to feel sorry for him :-(


  6. 7
    Ungrateful and not quite dead says:

    Poor old Millbiean I’m sure there will be some EU sinecure awaiting him and he can join that other fuckwit Kinnock at the EU trough, but not before he’s lead the Labour Brigade into an electoral meltdown. He makes Dave look like Churchill he’s the single best asset the Tories have.


  7. 8
    The Paragnostic says:

    Was Ayesha in Brighton for the conference, then? Naughty Piggy!


  8. 14
    Anon says:

    Sure having a close relationship with Tom Watson is a sackable offence in itself? Why doesn’t she just write “I’m utterly insane” on her forehead?


    • 49
      Nemo says:

      Wasn’t Tom Watson an “actor” on that boring soap East enders” if he is the one he used to be very skinny.


      • 64
        Ballymoney Boy says:

        No, but Tom Watson, MP, used to look like Peter Kay, the comedian, before he (Watson, that is) had something of a makeover.


        • 80
          Hang The Bastards says:

          Make over ? He changed his specks FFS


        • 153
          SpAd says:

          Used to look like Peter Kay, now rather alarmingly resembles Phill Jupitus.


          • Dr Fuckwit says:

            Tom Watt was the serial loser in East Enders during Dirty Den’s reign. He subsequently became a football pundit of the people.

            Tom Watson suffers from self loathing which is understandable – the mirror does not lie. He is foul in mouth and temprement and is also challenged in the lunch box department.

            He deserves our sympathy especially at Yuletide.


  9. 16
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    Old Holborn was thinking of writing jokes yesterday and today this news meets us – I call this fate.


  10. 18
    Barnehurst Bob says:

    It’s all begining to look like the last days of Gordon Brown for Labour. One disaster after another. The leader not taking any blame. The front bench publicly sticking up for him, whilst undermining or ignoring him.

    Great fun to watch, couldn’t happen to nicer people.

    Ayesha has been consoling Tom during his marriage break-up.

    Please guido, I’m having my breakfast!


  11. 20
    Nemo says:

    Ed, Ayesha appears in Rider Haggard and lived 100’s of years you have stepped outside her protective circle, you will just wither away, she is the SHE


  12. 21
    Charles Atlas says:

    All that turd-polishing gives a girl massive biceps.


  13. 23
    Kronos says:

    he had joke writer? … ?! Next you’ll be telling us he got an Otolaryngology on stand by…


    • 145
      Bulldog Drummond says:

      I do not know what is worse the fact he had a joke writer in the first place or his judgement in the one he chooses. Either way he comes out of this looking like the plonker he is.


  14. 25
    albacore says:

    Well, blow me down, ain’t that just a caution
    No wonder Parliament’s an abortion
    We’d already sussed they’re fiddlers and swines
    The jokers don’t even write their own lines


  15. 27
    Kronos says:

    he had a joke writer?… ??! next you’ll be telling us he’s got a Otolaryngologists on standby…


  16. 31
    Nemo says:

    Ay op, where’s young Willy, out celebrating again or on afters


  17. 34
    jgm2 says:

    What a caring, compassionate employer. Firing somebody in the week before Christmas.

    More could be made of this by the T*ry press.


  18. 36
    pissed off voter says:

    That’s crazy. she’s done a great job. Ed is sure to be voted joke of the year.


  19. 37
    MrAngry61 says:

    Why would Harman need a joke writer? Surely her best gags are unintentional?


  20. 45
    An Impartial Observer says:

    “Ayesha has been consoling Tom during his marriage break-up…….”

    Now there’s a woman who must be into some serious kink. Well worth keeping an eye on…..


  21. 46
    Marquis de Sade. says:

    Her best gag would be a rubber ball held in place by leather straps.
    Now, where’s the whip?


  22. 51
    Gonk says:

    There’s no such thing as a Socialist comedian although I think
    Ed Balls is hilarious.


  23. 55
    nellnewman says:

    ‘consoling twatson’?

    Bet she struggles to get him away from those xbox games he’s addicted to.


  24. 59
    Joker says:

    God! No one in the Labour Party has a sense of humour, they actually have to hire someone to make themselves sound funny. That is pathetic.
    I bet Ed will be reading the Friday caption contest and nicking the material as it cost nothing. Billy will have to put a copyright warning next to his extremely funny and witty one liners.


  25. 60
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    as normal, the left creating unemployment.

    will they ever learn?


  26. 62
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    first of all I read about Tom Watson being ‘consoled’ by someone who wrote the jokes for Ed (which means Watson probably wrote them) and then go to the Dentist and open ‘Hello’ magazine to see Lord and Lady Prescott showing us around their mansion – you couldn’t make it up! HOw do you afford a house like that on their salary? Seriously, if Labour MP’s / Peers can afford to live in such luxury on their salaries (impossible job) how come the Country’s finances are in such a state?

    Lady P is upset there are no pictures of Lord Two Jags dotted about with the PM’s – I suggest a fitting tribute to him would be a life size statue outside McDonald’s with ‘never eat more than you can carry’ inscribed in Latin.


  27. 65

    She looks a bit overfed – on Labour.


  28. 69
    Sooty says:

    I think Ed should just get himself a hand puppet which whispers the answers into his ear. He can’t have Sooty cos he is an anti-euro tory at the moment.


  29. 70
    Billy Blofeld says:

    Excellent bit of investigative journalism that…………. ;-)


  30. 71
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “Ed Miliband felt she wasn’t performing well in the role of presenting him to the media and he was also increasingly uncomfortable over her close relationship with Tom Watson. Ayesha has been consoling Tom during his marriage break-up.”

    A bad mechanic always blames his tools, face it Ed your shit!


  31. 74
    Helen Keller's Dating Agency says:

    Is Ayesha blind as well as unfunny? Does she have a fantasy of being crushed to death?


  32. 78
    Funniest thing I've heard him say says:


  33. 85
    Raving Loon says:

    I always laugh at Ed Miliband, I don’t know why he needs a joke writer.


  34. 86
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Make over ? He changed his specks FFS.


  35. 89
  36. 93

    I could have told him, women arn’t funny.


  37. 99
    I don't need no doctor says:

    You can have the best jokes in the world, but if you can’t deliver them where does that leave you?
    Now Peter Hain and Hilary Benn they can tell a good joke!


  38. 100
    MandyPickleSniffer says:

    I think Dave should call for a snap General Election.
    The LibDems will be absolutely annihilated for their failures in AV, in Europe, University fees etc, not to mention the fact that they had a brutally miserable result in the last election anyway. Cleggmania has completely withered away as he’s shown himself to be weak, depressed, pouting, etc. All his efforts to present a united front & to show that the coalition can indeed work have merely made him look like a traitor to his LibDem supporters. Labour have not shown themselves in any way at all to be better than they were under Brown, in fact they’ve moved further to the Left and can easily be seen as being in the pocket of the unions…well…they aways were. Much as I can’t stand Ed Balls, I see him as a stronger & tougher opponent that Miliband….so DC would do better against a Miliband/Harman led Labour than some other matchup like Ed & his scary wife, Yvette. Do it now! He would totally crush & humiliate Miliband and that man-hating witch Harman. Get a good solid 7 years of pure Tory rule locked in, without having to constantly appease the ridiculous LibDems like that fuckwit Huhne, slimy barstewart Simon Hughes, and the constantly miserable Vince Cable (what the heck does he even do anyway?)
    January Election!


    • 167
      Anonymous says:

      Why do you think Clegg wanted 5 year Parliaments ?


    • 180
      misterned says:

      He can’t. It would be illegal, unless he can persuade all the tories and all the labour party to support it. I cannot see the labour party wanting an immediate election now.

      Do you think Ed Miliband wants to take part in a series of TV debates? Nick Clegg will not be able to swing voters away from the tories with the power of his personality and nice sounding ‘never to be tested in reality’ answers. As we know, they were tested in reality and found wanting!

      We all know Cameron can slaughter Miliband in a debate. I think he takes it easy on Miliband most of the time, because he realises that Ed Miliband is his greatest electoral asset at the moment, (in lieu of any real conservative policies).

      As for Clegg triggering one? Forget it. He already told his MPs and Lords that an election now would completely and comprehensively destroy the Liberal Democrats.

      So there is no chance of another election.

      Since the law to fax parliaments to 5 year terms came in, the only person in this land who can legally end Parliament and trigger a general election is Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories, Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.

      Although it would trigger a constitutional crisis if she did.


    • 205
      gildedtumbril says:

      Truly, the Augean Stables need a clean out. I recommend conflagration. It is thorough and more or less guarantees no residual germs.


  39. 101
    I don't need no doctor says:

    What’s the big deal with Tom and Aeysha, it’s not as if they are brothers or anything.


  40. 103
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    “I thee thith as an afwunt to my awfority” !
    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
    Feckin hell Ed did you write that one yourself ?
    You should be on the stage , there,s one leaving in five minutes


  41. 104
    Deep Fried Salad says:

    I hope she gets paid extra for consoling the Fatmong!


  42. 105

    Dateline January 1, 2012

    Ed Miliband – a former stand-up comedienne – who previously delivered one-liners for PMQs has been sacked by Unison …


  43. 106
    Jasmin Alibi Cunt says:

    Ayesha Hazarika, A fine old english name


  44. 107
    Steph Flanderers, drippin' in Ed's spunk says:

    And precisely how does this unfunny cu’nt console the fat, ugly fucker Watson?


  45. 108
    MB. says:

    The Sun is still going after the Guardian over their false accusations of the News of the World deleting Milly Dowler’s EMails:

    “THE BBC last night allowed The Guardian to duck a TV showdown with The Sun over phone hacking.
    The Beeb said Guardian reporter Nick Davies had refused to appear on Newsnight alongside Sun managing editor Richard Caseby. “


  46. 109
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    Whereas The PM’s jokes write themselves:

    It’s not like we’re brothers or anything
    It’s not like we said we saved the world or anything
    It’s not like we’re married or anything
    It’s not like we put men on the all women shortlists or anything
    It’s not like we’re in the Union pockets or anything
    It’s not like we said there were WMD’s or anything
    It’s not like we propped up GB or anything



  47. 112
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Helping him get over his marriage break up !
    She wants to be careful , some people (like little ED )Might start to think she is the reason for his marriage break up and put 2+2 together and make 5

    He must be some stud
    There again the lazy fat fucker can’t even be bothered to walk to work !


  48. 116
    Anonymous says:

    ***inbox ED**…Ayersha.*What’s green and white & take 3hrs to Drink? ..your P45


  49. 117
    Anonymous Misogynist says:

    Will Harriet be organising another house party in Suffolk this New Year..??

    Ed needs to be careful..


    • 135
      EdButLookBalls says:

      Swinging, I hope the marxist harridan pulls Twatson’s keys out of the fruit-bowl and passes him over to Jacqui Dromey!!! FFS!

      Karaoke will be the Unrighteous Milibandwagon Brothers doing a rendition of ‘You’ve lost that loving feeling’ or blacked-up as the O-Jays’ performing ‘Back Stabbers’!!!


  50. 118
    Puppets R Us says:

    Well I never, she writes the words he shoves out of his gob, don’t really care which politician of which side if we have to pay to listen to words from their gobs from others then we should be voting in the ones who are really pulling the strings,


  51. 123
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Is there such a thing as a “Politicians Moll” ?


  52. 124
    Ah! Monika says:


    I think you might have used this photo instead.

    Why can’t you post still photos on here?


  53. 127
    Spank Sinatra says:

    I see little likelihood at present of any challenge to DeadEd. Their party remains utterly divided and would only set off internecine warfare on an unprecedented scale and threats from the unions as regards funding both at local and national levels. Ed will be there for the duration. Rejoice I say!


  54. 128
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    She could go and work for Lembit opik as his talking shoe
    Im sure he would like to shove his hand up her clacker !


  55. 129
    The Daily Tubloids. says:

    Definitely true. We hacked into errr. A friend of the ugly fat Hunt at the slimmers club confirmed that Watson is seeing an extremely unfunny, sight impaired, left wing looney.


  56. 130
    Josiah Bartlett says:

    No Totty Watch tag? Harsh. And if she’s ‘consoling’ Tom Watson then we’re all in with a shout.


  57. 136
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    She’s not bad !
    Apart from the fact She’s a Fucking Jock !

    Make your own mind up here she is !


  58. 137
    Daves expanding gonads says:

    Good lad


    • 154
      Well it's a thought says:

      He’s not giving the 30billionEuro but 10billion, naughty lad give them nothing we can’t afford it we don’t have any money we have to lend even that.


  59. 140
    Sir William Waad says:

    It must be difficult to write jokes for a person who is a joke. Ed Miliband is a richly comic charcter, straight out of Dickens, even down to the funny name and the equally odd brother.


    • 152
      Minekiller says:

      It’s the Bambi eyed ‘ shoot me now’ look that Cameron obviously can’t resist. Ed stands up (breaks cover) and Cameron simply takes aim and shoots. At that range and with a target with eyes that wide, he just can’t miss.


    • 158
      Gonk says:

      More Uncle Pumblechook than Bentley Drummle.


    • 199
      Ben Hur, the Noble Semite. says:

      The nose – the nose. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


  60. 141
    Loungelizard says:

    Bit of an outsider I’ll grant you but Labour’s secret weapon is Jack Dromey. He’s witty, debonaire, has a razor sharp mind and is adored for his hilarious one liners. Dresses like a man, talks like a woman Jack has Transgender appeal, more than a match for Cameron.


  61. 144
    Anonymous says:

    but ED the Lieb’or party Joke is never as funny the second time around


  62. 148
    Minekiller says:

    Left wing comedienne….an oxymoron if ever there was one. Aside from shouting ‘Thatcher’ or ‘Bush’ in an ‘edgy’ accented way and then lapping up the right on groupie laughter, they’ve got nothing. Lefties don’t do humour.

    I have a One-Liner for Ed;

    ‘I am a useless twat’ ha ha ha ha ha ha


  63. 151
    Moley. says:

    Talking of Jokes reminds me of French diplomacy.

    French Finance Minister says UK should be downgraded, not France, and Sarkozy calls Cameron an obstinate kid.

    The French are panic stricken and hitting out at everyone, but the true nature of the relationship between Sarkozy and Merkel is revealed by Archbishop Cranmer.


  64. 155
    James Corden. says:

    I am a fat twat and I am unfunny.


  65. 156
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Poor little Ed tries to get his message across !


  66. 160
    Ken Dodd's Tickling Stick says:

    It’s the way he tells ‘em


  67. 161
    The Daily Tubloids. says:

    Maybe Ayesha is an evil genius and she deliberately set out to make Ed sound like a twat. Though it doesn’t take much to make Ed look like a twat. Infact he is a 101% twat.


  68. 162
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    It’s a shame Bernard Manning is no longer around
    he could have given little Ed some real one liners !


  69. 169
    Ungrateful and not quite dead says:

    The fact that Milliweed used a stand up comic (not rushing to see her set given the quality of the stuff that has been used at PMQs) really just tells you all you need to know about this sorry load of shits. Labour living in a fantasy PC world that is coming to an end. Dave should really think about an election next year and bury them for good and get rid of that bunch of wet farts the LibDems


  70. 171
    Ghosts of England says:

    Redundancies in the Miliband team! Does the mean Ed now supports the cuts?


  71. 172
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    An insignificant leader called Ed
    Who’s jokes were unfunny t’was said
    So he sacked his script writer
    for someone who’s whiter
    and she’s now with Harman instead


  72. 178
    Anonymous says:

    one liner’ Whats the difference between Tom and a bucket of sh*t…(the bucket silly)


  73. 182
    Andrew Efiong says:

    A good joke is all about timing.

    He could have Woody Allen and Groucho Marx writing for him but his lines would come out wooden because he’s such a plonker.


    • 200
      Col Nut says:

      He needs to acquire a bit more working class backbone to respond adequately to the toff Cameron and also to keep in check the harridans such as Harperson in his own Party. Chubby Brown might be able to toughen him up.


  74. 187 says:

    Did he have one?


  75. 195
    1001 Kirkcaldian Nights says:

    Ed Miliband fires ethnic female joke writer for not being funny enough.

    He truly is the gift that keeps on giving.


  76. 196
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    please tell me we are not paying for someone to write jokes for the limp man. this is ridiculous – its PMQ’s – he is the leader of the opposition, that doesn’t mean that he has to oppose everything but it does mean that he should have a couple of policy ideas, just in case a passing idiot wishes to vote labour. If he things that the HofC is the comedy club i think i am beginning to understand why he has such a problem.


  77. 203
    MB. says:

    Who writes Ed Milliband’s “I am bound to ask, what has gone wrong?”?

    He seems very fond of that line.


  78. 206

    High time Angela Eagle sacked hers. Dreadful and far too long performance at Business Questions today.


  79. 209
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Deadwood Moribund plays his part in tackling youth unemployment but sacking a staffer – epic fail.


  80. 210
    Jimmy says:

    And yet Rich’n’Mark are still here.


  81. 211

    I have been The last Quango in Powys for years. and whould like to know who is this” Last quango in Paris”. Surely Johan Hari’s not back already?


  82. 216
    Ed Case says:

    Mike (Dave) and Bernie (Ed) Winters were never funny. Schnorbitz the dog got a bigger laugh just by lifting its leg for a dump. A good judge.


  83. 218
    thatth widuculouth says:

    Does she not have Union representation?

    Labour seem very keen to be able to sack people when it suits them.

    Why not the same for Business?


  84. 219
    M says:

    If this was a caption contest :-
    “I lost my job because I couldn’t write a better joke than the one that gets up at the despatch box ! “


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