Exclusive: Ed Miliband Sacks His PMQs Joke Writer
Ayesha Hazarika – a former stand-up comedienne – who previously crafted one-liners for PMQs has been sacked by Ed Miliband as his spokesperson. Labour sources say that the Political Adviser (PAd) wasn’t sacked over yesterday’s dismal performance in particular. The decision was made some weeks ago, in part because Ed Miliband felt she wasn’t performing well in the role of presenting him to the media and he was also increasingly uncomfortable over her close relationship with Tom Watson. Ayesha has been consoling Tom during his marriage break-up.
On hearing that her former SpAd was to be sacked by Ed Miliband, Harriet Harman offered Ayesha her old job back working for her. This didn’t go down well with Ed Miliband who took Ayesha’s re-appointment by his deputy-leader as something of an affront to his authority. Such is the weakness of his leadership that Harriet Harman ignored Ed’s protests.
UPDATE: Ed’s people now spinning Ayesha wasn’t sacked, she was “made redundant”, that must be because Ed Miliband doesn’t need a media spokesperson and Harriet needs another? Paul Waugh was told this morning that she left by “mutual consent”. Hopefully they will get their line straight by lunchtime.
never rains but it pours
Therefore, if you want to stay dry, you get under cover
Ton Watson marriage breakup – couldn’t happen to a nicer guy !
I would like to see the divorce petition. It would read
“he is a fat useless lying hypocritical loathsome smug wanker your honour”
It was a surprise to me the ugly fat fecker was married. Did the Party find someone to be sacrificed for the greater good?
I thought he was just another gayer tbh, or does he swing both ways? Either way, this chick has got some serious fucking eyesight problems
Twatson the most clinical forensic question asker to walk the planet in his own mind.
Correct, just a bullying twat in everyone else’s.
As for the update to the article: “Ed’s people now spinning Ayesha wasn’t sacked, she was “made redundant”, that must be because Ed Miliband doesn’t need a media spokesperson and Harriet needs another? ”
Surely all we need do is wait and see if Ed appoints another media spokesperson to replace her. If he does, she can sue for wrongful dismissal. Also has she received a notice of redundancy or a notice of dismissal? or was she in a fixed term contract?
Far too complimentary
Flipping through the TV channels one evening in a vain attempt to find something watchable I had the misfortune to cross a channel on which the well known soap Eastenders was showing..
On screen at that particular instant was a character named Derek.
Bruddy L that Watson bloke gets around doesn’t he!!!!
Too crap to sack.
Looking like she is on the Westminster Gravy Train….
Militwat could sack the whole labour front bench and it would not help him. Give it another few weeks and the penny will drop – perhaps the real issue is the one in front of the mirror and not the Daily Mirror!
When I don’t sack somebody they stay not sacked, or possibly vice versa.
Help?
Loyal Harriet Harman manoeuvring behind her leaders back , who’d a thought it !
It’ll be the unions that take the decision to off load ed or not , remember he’s their man who’ll channel the countries finances into the unions bank accounts to pay them back for bankrolling the
” socialist workers union labour party ”
( give it it’s full title , why not )
What a sorry state Labour are in…
Yes. It reminds me of how the Tories used to be.
Because once in the HoP they pee in the same bath sod the little people
+1
+1
“consoling Tom Watson”
She must be really desperate.
Stand-up comedienne? You mean she laughs when Twatto gets a stiffy?
It’s nervous laughter as she describes it to Tom once the rolls of flab are peeled out the way. He hasn’t seen it for years thanks to that gut.
I hear that the approved method is to roll the fat twat in flour and then concentrate on the damp bits
Let’s face it, the Labour Party are full of fucking clowns, Ed Miliband being clown shoes in chief.
There are few things in showbusiness less entertaining or amusing than left-wing female stand-up comics. No wonder Miliband’s ‘jokes’ are so rotten.
+1
How disgustingly true! That ugly,fat, repellent, unfunny, never off the bloody tv socialist douchebag jo brand is typical. Were I not a gentleman and a scholar I might say something ungallant about the alleged ‘comedian’.
They look well suited, both have heads that look like footballs.
That’s why I really want to kick them.
Is he doing something to pump up her face?
“She must be really desperate” – Or Blind, Or thick!!! Or more likely BOTH!!
Oh dear Ed, nothing’s going right is it. Now you’ve pissed off the sisterhood too!
What is Ed’s problem with women? Apart from the fact they have more balls than him, obviously.
Oh, I don’t know, someone fathered his kids didn’t they, I don’t think he would have married his wife if they weren’t his
Well we know it wasn’t his brother.
Or Gordoom (unless it was GB’s Turkey Baster?) !!
She was cuckold while Ed sat and watched
Couldn’t get any worse than his dire performance yesterday could it?
I thought from the clips replayed on the “Today” prog this morning he sounded to have performed quite strongly and to have the upper hand.
Am I wrong? LOL
Selective editing, what did you expect?
It’s Christmas – can we lay off Ed for a day – I am beginning to feel sorry for him
No
Yup Let’s have a “lay off Ed” day. How about April !st?
Go on stop messing about!
Being a Semite – he doesn’t do Christmas, so it’s still open season on the sad tosser!
No – never forget he was part of the Brown cabal and the economic incompetence, smearing and bullying that it entailed
Poor old Millbiean I’m sure there will be some EU sinecure awaiting him and he can join that other fuckwit Kinnock at the EU trough, but not before he’s lead the Labour Brigade into an electoral meltdown. He makes Dave look like Churchill he’s the single best asset the Tories have.
Second best asset, Ed Balls.
Chuka Umunna
Wee Dougie
Pass the sick bag or we will have table pizza everywhere – Chuka isn’t even British, is he? (Mind you, that hasn’t stopped MacShine or P. Hain)
The whole Labour front bench and as for that Eagle well word fail me.
Tom Watson.
Let him take up Baroness Ashtons position, the day after we leave the EU, so we are not paying for the dickhead.
Did anyone notice? That ashton creature was, among a huge wedge of uglies, the ugliest ugly at the celebration picture of the eu arseholes, was she not?
It was most pukeworthy in the extreme.I found myself resorting to medication to settle my stomach.
Was Ayesha in Brighton for the conference, then? Naughty Piggy!
Does consoling mean she fed him deep fried grapes?
Was Ayesha the motivation or the cause of Watson’s weight loss, I wonder?
Why has he been galloping
Labour-smug – that supercilious look.
Mind you, she has a bit of rump on her, to judge from the top. Something for you to get your hands on, perhaps?
I’m beginning to wish I’d never invented Ayesha, now. I only intended her to be a fictional character, She Who Must Be Obeyed.
I saw a car in Dunedin (NZ) last week with the number plate SWMBO.
Pity we can’t have humorous plates here. Any suggestions?
FU2 – a real one IIRC.
I never thought there were any FCK plates till one day, about 10 years ago, I saw a burgundy Peugeot with the plate FCK 69S. The car was brand new…Anyone seen similar?
Sure having a close relationship with Tom Watson is a sackable offence in itself? Why doesn’t she just write “I’m utterly insane” on her forehead?
Wasn’t Tom Watson an “actor” on that boring soap East enders” if he is the one he used to be very skinny.
No, but Tom Watson, MP, used to look like Peter Kay, the comedian, before he (Watson, that is) had something of a makeover.
Make over ? He changed his specks FFS
Used to look like Peter Kay, now rather alarmingly resembles Phill Jupitus.
Tom Watt was the serial loser in East Enders during Dirty Den’s reign. He subsequently became a football pundit of the people.
Tom Watson suffers from self loathing which is understandable – the mirror does not lie. He is foul in mouth and temprement and is also challenged in the lunch box department.
He deserves our sympathy especially at Yuletide.
Old Holborn was thinking of writing jokes yesterday and today this news meets us – I call this fate.
It’s all begining to look like the last days of Gordon Brown for Labour. One disaster after another. The leader not taking any blame. The front bench publicly sticking up for him, whilst undermining or ignoring him.
Great fun to watch, couldn’t happen to nicer people.
Ayesha has been consoling Tom during his marriage break-up.
Please guido, I’m having my breakfast!
Porridge, anyone?
Lemon curd anyone?
Prunes
Ed, Ayesha appears in Rider Haggard and lived 100′s of years you have stepped outside her protective circle, you will just wither away, she is the SHE
Sorry should have been” Rider Haggard’s SHE”
Who Must Be Obeyed.
Ay, “SHE who must be obeyed”
Wasn’t Ayesha the six year old “special friend” of Ol’ Mo .
All that turd-polishing gives a girl massive biceps.
They must be coprolites you cannot get a good polish on a damp surface
he had joke writer? … ?! Next you’ll be telling us he got an Otolaryngology on stand by…
I do not know what is worse the fact he had a joke writer in the first place or his judgement in the one he chooses. Either way he comes out of this looking like the plonker he is.
Well, blow me down, ain’t that just a caution
No wonder Parliament’s an abortion
We’d already sussed they’re fiddlers and swines
The jokers don’t even write their own lines
he had a joke writer?… ??! next you’ll be telling us he’s got a Otolaryngologists on standby…
oh… there’s an echo
There’s been an echo.
Ay op, where’s young Willy, out celebrating again or on afters
What a caring, compassionate employer. Firing somebody in the week before Christmas.
More could be made of this by the T*ry press.
Totally agree, rather than a night of the long knives, it’s going to be 12 months of little pricks!
Applause
That’s crazy. she’s done a great job. Ed is sure to be voted joke of the year.
Why would Harman need a joke writer? Surely her best gags are unintentional?
You would gag if you had to throat Watson
Deeply?
Harman has got only one good gag but she doesn’t wear it often enough.
Harperson wouldn’t know a joke if it jumped up and bit her. Life for wimmin is FAR too serious to joke about with all the dreadful discrimination.
Leave my wife alone, you beasts! (God, my life is complicated…)
Putting her husband in an all-wimmin shortlist either demonstrates a total absence of irony or a very pawky sense of humour indeed.Sadly I suspect the former.
“Ayesha has been consoling Tom during his marriage break-up…….”
Now there’s a woman who must be into some serious kink. Well worth keeping an eye on…..
Thing some people will do for THEIR country.
Hardly their country. Their party and their bank balance…
Her best gag would be a rubber ball held in place by leather straps.
Now, where’s the whip?
There’s no such thing as a Socialist comedian although I think
Ed Balls is hilarious.
See 57
Ay-Thang-Yew
‘consoling twatson’?
Bet she struggles to get him away from those xbox games he’s addicted to.
God! No one in the Labour Party has a sense of humour, they actually have to hire someone to make themselves sound funny. That is pathetic.
I bet Ed will be reading the Friday caption contest and nicking the material as it cost nothing. Billy will have to put a copyright warning next to his extremely funny and witty one liners.
Methinks Ed should stay clear of the one liners and try the bin-liners (over his head!!)!
as normal, the left creating unemployment.
will they ever learn?
Creating unemployment from non-jobs is a good thing!
first of all I read about Tom Watson being ‘consoled’ by someone who wrote the jokes for Ed (which means Watson probably wrote them) and then go to the Dentist and open ‘Hello’ magazine to see Lord and Lady Prescott showing us around their mansion – you couldn’t make it up! HOw do you afford a house like that on their salary? Seriously, if Labour MP’s / Peers can afford to live in such luxury on their salaries (impossible job) how come the Country’s finances are in such a state?
Lady P is upset there are no pictures of Lord Two Jags dotted about with the PM’s – I suggest a fitting tribute to him would be a life size statue outside McDonald’s with ‘never eat more than you can carry’ inscribed in Latin.
What Lady Prescott’s got a big Mansion , all that for little Semi
She looks a bit overfed – on Labour.
I think Ed should just get himself a hand puppet which whispers the answers into his ear. He can’t have Sooty cos he is an anti-euro tory at the moment.
Excellent bit of investigative journalism that………….
You could not make it up.
“Ed Miliband felt she wasn’t performing well in the role of presenting him to the media and he was also increasingly uncomfortable over her close relationship with Tom Watson. Ayesha has been consoling Tom during his marriage break-up.”
A bad mechanic always blames his tools, face it Ed your shit!
You’re too possessive Billy, it’s You’re!
Is Ayesha blind as well as unfunny? Does she have a fantasy of being crushed to death?
Like ‘I am the Walrus’ !!
I am the Watson! Kookookachoo!
I always laugh at Ed Miliband, I don’t know why he needs a joke writer.
Make over ? He changed his specks FFS.
That what you call spin
Greed percolates into all sections of society, not just the “bankers”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2074032/50-000-year-Tube-drivers-Boxing-Day-strike-demands-triple-pay-turned-down.html
I could have told him, women arn’t funny.
You can have the best jokes in the world, but if you can’t deliver them where does that leave you?
Now Peter Hain and Hilary Benn they can tell a good joke!
Shouldn’t that be they are jokes!.
Good point.
I think Dave should call for a snap General Election.
The LibDems will be absolutely annihilated for their failures in AV, in Europe, University fees etc, not to mention the fact that they had a brutally miserable result in the last election anyway. Cleggmania has completely withered away as he’s shown himself to be weak, depressed, pouting, etc. All his efforts to present a united front & to show that the coalition can indeed work have merely made him look like a traitor to his LibDem supporters. Labour have not shown themselves in any way at all to be better than they were under Brown, in fact they’ve moved further to the Left and can easily be seen as being in the pocket of the unions…well…they aways were. Much as I can’t stand Ed Balls, I see him as a stronger & tougher opponent that Miliband….so DC would do better against a Miliband/Harman led Labour than some other matchup like Ed & his scary wife, Yvette. Do it now! He would totally crush & humiliate Miliband and that man-hating witch Harman. Get a good solid 7 years of pure Tory rule locked in, without having to constantly appease the ridiculous LibDems like that fuckwit Huhne, slimy barstewart Simon Hughes, and the constantly miserable Vince Cable (what the heck does he even do anyway?)
January Election!
Why do you think Clegg wanted 5 year Parliaments ?
He can’t. It would be illegal, unless he can persuade all the tories and all the labour party to support it. I cannot see the labour party wanting an immediate election now.
Do you think Ed Miliband wants to take part in a series of TV debates? Nick Clegg will not be able to swing voters away from the tories with the power of his personality and nice sounding ‘never to be tested in reality’ answers. As we know, they were tested in reality and found wanting!
We all know Cameron can slaughter Miliband in a debate. I think he takes it easy on Miliband most of the time, because he realises that Ed Miliband is his greatest electoral asset at the moment, (in lieu of any real conservative policies).
As for Clegg triggering one? Forget it. He already told his MPs and Lords that an election now would completely and comprehensively destroy the Liberal Democrats.
So there is no chance of another election.
Since the law to fax parliaments to 5 year terms came in, the only person in this land who can legally end Parliament and trigger a general election is Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories, Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.
Although it would trigger a constitutional crisis if she did.
The words “two birds with one stone” come to mind
Truly, the Augean Stables need a clean out. I recommend conflagration. It is thorough and more or less guarantees no residual germs.
What’s the big deal with Tom and Aeysha, it’s not as if they are brothers or anything.
“I thee thith as an afwunt to my awfority” !
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Feckin hell Ed did you write that one yourself ?
You should be on the stage , there,s one leaving in five minutes
I hope she gets paid extra for consoling the Fatmong!
Dateline January 1, 2012
Ed Miliband – a former stand-up comedienne – who previously delivered one-liners for PMQs has been sacked by Unison …
She’ll be writing jokes for Bob Crowe next
No mate She formally delivered one liners
Ed formally delivered pizza’s
formerly. Tsk!
pizzas. Tsk! Tsk!
A pizza’s what?
I should have said comedian. Doh!
Rakia..
Ayesha Hazarika, A fine old english name
Now working for the arsehole of the universe Harridan Harman
She better be carefull or Miss Hazarika might end up “helping” Jack Dromey Get over his marriage break up !
Please god.
And precisely how does this unfunny cu’nt console the fat, ugly fucker Watson?
She tell me jokes………
Maybe she inflates him when he’s feeling down, there
The Sun is still going after the Guardian over their false accusations of the News of the World deleting Milly Dowler’s EMails:
“THE BBC last night allowed The Guardian to duck a TV showdown with The Sun over phone hacking.
The Beeb said Guardian reporter Nick Davies had refused to appear on Newsnight alongside Sun managing editor Richard Caseby. “
With a name like that, he’s sure to be a co-conspirator of Guido’s.
Whereas The PM’s jokes write themselves:
It’s not like we’re brothers or anything
It’s not like we said we saved the world or anything
It’s not like we’re married or anything
It’s not like we put men on the all women shortlists or anything
It’s not like we’re in the Union pockets or anything
It’s not like we said there were WMD’s or anything
It’s not like we propped up GB or anything
…………………..
Helping him get over his marriage break up !
She wants to be careful , some people (like little ED )Might start to think she is the reason for his marriage break up and put 2+2 together and make 5
He must be some stud
There again the lazy fat fucker can’t even be bothered to walk to work !
http://2me2you.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/q-photo-tom-watson-mp-on-segway.jpg
He certainly is a fine figure of a man.
Once you’ve tried brown, you always go down
***inbox ED**…Ayersha.*What’s green and white & take 3hrs to Drink? ..your P45
*Sorry should read Giro*…My Tongue had dried stuck to the window over night….
Just as well you clarified because I read that as “your pee 45″.
Will Harriet be organising another house party in Suffolk this New Year..??
Ed needs to be careful..
Swinging, I hope the marxist harridan pulls Twatson’s keys out of the fruit-bowl and passes him over to Jacqui Dromey!!! FFS!
Karaoke will be the Unrighteous Milibandwagon Brothers doing a rendition of ‘You’ve lost that loving feeling’ or blacked-up as the O-Jays’ performing ‘Back Stabbers’!!!
Well I never, she writes the words he shoves out of his gob, don’t really care which politician of which side if we have to pay to listen to words from their gobs from others then we should be voting in the ones who are really pulling the strings,
Is there such a thing as a “Politicians Moll” ?
DUUHHH…
Guido.
I think you might have used this photo instead.
http://womad.org/artists/ayesha-hazarika/
Why can’t you post still photos on here?
‘Regularly appears on…BBC Radio 5 Live’
Well I never!
I see little likelihood at present of any challenge to DeadEd. Their party remains utterly divided and would only set off internecine warfare on an unprecedented scale and threats from the unions as regards funding both at local and national levels. Ed will be there for the duration. Rejoice I say!
She could go and work for Lembit opik as his talking shoe
Im sure he would like to shove his hand up her clacker !
Definitely true. We hacked into errr. A friend of the ugly fat Hunt at the slimmers club confirmed that Watson is seeing an extremely unfunny, sight impaired, left wing looney.
No Totty Watch tag? Harsh. And if she’s ‘consoling’ Tom Watson then we’re all in with a shout.
She’s not bad !
Apart from the fact She’s a Fucking Jock !
Make your own mind up here she is !
Tried Frankie but she is boring, no wonder she decided to put words in other people mouths, even Gervais is funnier than her and he’s no comedian.
I don’t find jocks all that funny tbh.
I think Billy Connolly at his best was the best comedian I have ever seen. I very nearly broke my ribs laughing at him.
Although he has lost some of the magic he had a few years ago.
Och Aye.
The noo!
She ticks all the boxes for the multi-culti, feminist, any-religion-but-Christianity-worshipping BBC doesn’t she? Only trouble is, she isn’t funny. A Director-General in the making, no doubt.
Her ‘joke’ about the Glasgow airport bombers stunk. You could say her whole set bombed.
Good lad
He’s not giving the 30billionEuro but 10billion, naughty lad give them nothing we can’t afford it we don’t have any money we have to lend even that.
It must be difficult to write jokes for a person who is a joke. Ed Miliband is a richly comic charcter, straight out of Dickens, even down to the funny name and the equally odd brother.
It’s the Bambi eyed ‘ shoot me now’ look that Cameron obviously can’t resist. Ed stands up (breaks cover) and Cameron simply takes aim and shoots. At that range and with a target with eyes that wide, he just can’t miss.
More Uncle Pumblechook than Bentley Drummle.
The nose – the nose. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Bit of an outsider I’ll grant you but Labour’s secret weapon is Jack Dromey. He’s witty, debonaire, has a razor sharp mind and is adored for his hilarious one liners. Dresses like a man, talks like a woman Jack has Transgender appeal, more than a match for Cameron.
But who would vote for a cuckold lefty, twat like him when we all know his wife will be setting policy?
but ED the Lieb’or party Joke is never as funny the second time around
Left wing comedienne….an oxymoron if ever there was one. Aside from shouting ‘Thatcher’ or ‘Bush’ in an ‘edgy’ accented way and then lapping up the right on groupie laughter, they’ve got nothing. Lefties don’t do humour.
I have a One-Liner for Ed;
‘I am a useless twat’ ha ha ha ha ha ha
Talking of Jokes reminds me of French diplomacy.
French Finance Minister says UK should be downgraded, not France, and Sarkozy calls Cameron an obstinate kid.
The French are panic stricken and hitting out at everyone, but the true nature of the relationship between Sarkozy and Merkel is revealed by Archbishop Cranmer.
http://archbishop-cranmer.blogspot.com/2011/12/sarkozy-cameron-is-obstinate-kid.html
I am a fat twat and I am unfunny.
I agree with James !
Us talentless cuпts should stick together.
Poor little Ed tries to get his message across !
It’s the way he tells ‘em
Maybe Ayesha is an evil genius and she deliberately set out to make Ed sound like a twat. Though it doesn’t take much to make Ed look like a twat. Infact he is a 101% twat.
It’s a shame Bernard Manning is no longer around
he could have given little Ed some real one liners !
The fact that Milliweed used a stand up comic (not rushing to see her set given the quality of the stuff that has been used at PMQs) really just tells you all you need to know about this sorry load of shits. Labour living in a fantasy PC world that is coming to an end. Dave should really think about an election next year and bury them for good and get rid of that bunch of wet farts the LibDems
She ticked all the PC boxes, little wonder she was fucking useless.
he changed the law to prevent an election. Now we are legally obligated to fixed terms.
Redundancies in the Miliband team! Does the mean Ed now supports the cuts?
An insignificant leader called Ed
Who’s jokes were unfunny t’was said
So he sacked his script writer
for someone who’s whiter
and she’s now with Harman instead
one liner’ Whats the difference between Tom and a bucket of sh*t…(the bucket silly)
A good joke is all about timing.
He could have Woody Allen and Groucho Marx writing for him but his lines would come out wooden because he’s such a plonker.
He needs to acquire a bit more working class backbone to respond adequately to the toff Cameron and also to keep in check the harridans such as Harperson in his own Party. Chubby Brown might be able to toughen him up.
Did he have one?
Ed Miliband fires ethnic female joke writer for not being funny enough.
He truly is the gift that keeps on giving.
please tell me we are not paying for someone to write jokes for the limp man. this is ridiculous – its PMQ’s – he is the leader of the opposition, that doesn’t mean that he has to oppose everything but it does mean that he should have a couple of policy ideas, just in case a passing idiot wishes to vote labour. If he things that the HofC is the comedy club i think i am beginning to understand why he has such a problem.
Who writes Ed Milliband’s “I am bound to ask, what has gone wrong?”?
He seems very fond of that line.
High time Angela Eagle sacked hers. Dreadful and far too long performance at Business Questions today.
Deadwood Moribund plays his part in tackling youth unemployment but sacking a staffer – epic fail.
And yet Rich’n'Mark are still here.
I have been The last Quango in Powys for years. and whould like to know who is this” Last quango in Paris”. Surely Johan Hari’s not back already?
i’ve never been so offended.
Mike (Dave) and Bernie (Ed) Winters were never funny. Schnorbitz the dog got a bigger laugh just by lifting its leg for a dump. A good judge.
Does she not have Union representation?
Labour seem very keen to be able to sack people when it suits them.
Why not the same for Business?
If this was a caption contest :-
“I lost my job because I couldn’t write a better joke than the one that gets up at the despatch box ! “