December 5th, 2011

Guy Newsroom Cold Cure

We’re a bit under the weather in the Guy Newsroom, sniffling and headaches not caused by the usual reasons we have sniffling and headaches. So we have gone for the Jura whisky, honey, hot-water and Lemsip cure. Sort of like a medicinal whisky sour. It feels better already. Jura, send more medicine, please…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Glad you all feeling better :-)

  2. 2
    In other media news says:

    Don’t overdo the Lemsip, the Jura’s fine but Lemsip has paracetomol in it so be careful

  3. 3
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Lemsip is expensive paracetamol. Honey only good if you have a sore throat. The booze only good if you have the shivers, BUT is not recommended with medication (you either have booze or meds, not both).

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Shouldnt you have a “dont try this st home” etc on there somewhere? mixing booze and meds not normally advisied.

  5. 5
    Public Sector Parasite with enormous gold-plated pension says:

    Charge it to a Public Sector Expense Account, they’ve got all the money!

  6. 6
    Desperate Dan says:

    Sounds like Bird Flu to me. I hope you’ve written your Wills.

  7. 7
    Perse O'Nally says:

    You could always get Rich and Mark to do you a nice cartoon to make you feel better…

  8. 8
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    You’re missing the candle…..

    Light the candle.
    Start drinking the whisky.
    When you can see 3 candles, blow out the middle one.
    Go to sleep.
    You’ll be cured when you awake.

    Works every time.

  9. 9
    Anonymous says:

    Thats where the whiskey went

  10. 10

    Don’t you get Bird Flu in Russia from tapping the wrong sort of crumpet?

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    add fresh root ginger too

  12. 12
    Selling out the national interest(again) says:

    Prime Minister’s Spokesman tells Lobby that The Prime Minister does not view any changes are needed to be effected by UK to allow Eurozone Fiscal Union will require further powers to be transferred from UK and therefore such action will NOT trigger the Europe Act requiring a referendum to be put to the British People…..Bernard Jenkin on the Daily Politics tells “Brillo” that au contraire the fact the Fiscal Union will create a bloc of 17 that will always effectively out vote UK (and that the “Tobin Tax” is still very much on the agenda and which will be achieved by Qualified Majority Voting under directives that will circumvent Inter-Governmental Veto…my view not Jenkin) means that effectively the UK’s relationship with the EU will be significantly altered and therfore this WILL require a referendum which I personally tend to agree with whatever the spin coming out of Downing Street.

    We are already seeing those Europhiile Conservative MPs being wheeled oout by Downing Street to forecast Doomsday if we do not help Germany and if we should try to block this by holding a referendum and the old chestnut being rolled out is “This is NOT the time !”. It is the time and Cameron had better realise that this is not going to go away. If he wishes to split his party then he’s going the right way about it and also selling Britain down the river at the same time…

  13. 13
    gman says:

    Try paracetamol. It works.

  14. 14
    Steve Miliband says:

    Jura wasted in a toddy – better to use a blend

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    Paracetamol Kill loads each year O.d.s so WHY dont they sell *Paramet* instead there is an antidote for paramet , answer coz nobody knows to ask for it. (Fact)

  16. 16
    non believer says:

    A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the drive home eh?

  17. 17
    Father Jack says:

    Try Windowlene with a Toilet Duck chaser, works every time for me!

    A R S E!!

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:


  19. 19
    non believer says:

    A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the d.rive home eh?

  20. 20
    annette curton says:

    Probably got poor old Boxer boiled down for glue to pay for a crate, every-bodies at it now.

  21. 21

    I’m partial to a wee dram of the good old gold of Jura. Can I come and pay you boysh a visit and dhhrink your Jura and we cun reminish, remenish… I mean, reminensh, we cun relive old timesshhhh together?

  22. 22
    Disco Biscuit says:

    So that’s what happened to the caption competition prize!

  23. 23
    annette curton says:

    Who was it that said recently; why chain yourself to a corpse?.

  24. 24
    Jock Strapped says:

    Powdered paracetamol, lemon juice and honey – all greatly improve Jura whisky. Add a clove or two to be sure.

  25. 25
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    The last prize on offer was a bottle of Glennfditch (something like that) 3 caption contests ago.

    I think.

  26. 26
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    I always find a shag with a young girl does the trick. Boaz.

  27. 27
    NeverRed says:

    Avoid Brown at all costs.

  28. 28
    smoggie says:

    And jolly nice it was too :)

  29. 29
    Hee Hee Hee says:

    Find that a Lemsip/Night Nurse combo makes the girls more amicable.

  30. 30
  31. 31
    Anonymous says:

    omited (Accidental Ods) check it drug company making more money perhaps???

  32. 32
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Bottom right?

    Thats Neo-Guido, the brains and looks behind the outfit. ;-)

  33. 33
    Gutless Eurosceptic chickenshit says:

    Cameron has probably judged, rightly, that the likes of Jenkin, Cash, Carswell and Redwood, simply and to their utter shame do not have the stomach to do anything more than raise objections to this utter betrayal of the UK by the Conservative Party leadership.

  34. 34
    Glenmorangie is available at your local stockist says:

    Don’t tell me: Jura advertises on here?

  35. 35
    Penfold says:

    I recommend:-

    Pulmo Baillie.

    Great stuff.

    Just add alcohol of choice, warm,hot or cold water, lemon juice, cinnamon or any spice of choice and glugg.

    Excellent and a great restorative.

  36. 36
    " How much have you had tonight, sir?" says:

    Kinda gives you that warm-and-fuzzy feeling all over, doesn’t it?
    I’ve heard of rushing the Christmas season, but New Year’s Eve?

  37. 37

    U has male , darlin x .

    SC x .

  38. 38
    Polly's Villa in Tuscany says:

    You need to try the Drunken Hulk – Jura plus green cough syrup…

  39. 39
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    No! he is straight and like way to intenlligent for me.

  40. 40
    Gonk says:

    Tian Tian has escaped.

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    The Prime Minister’s Official Spokesman today said Mr Duncan Smiths’ interpretation of the law was incorrect.
    “That is not what is set out in the Act,” the spokesman said.
    “The Act talks about triggering a referendum if there is a transfer of power or competence to Brussels,” he added.

  42. 42
    Henry Crun says:

    It’s not the paracetamol that kills, it’s the kidney failure.

  43. 43
    jgm2 MD says:

    I think the active ingredient in Lemsip is paracetamol. As your doctor I advise you against mixing one known fucker-upper of the liver (paracetemol) with another (wh*is*key).

  44. 44
  45. 45
    jgm2 says:

    I thought it was the liver that failed.

  46. 46


    Didn’t see yous here , petal x .

    Pends wot u means by pullin , honey .

    By the times I woz 15 , I had nearly pulled it off .

    Anyways , I never seduced no one darlin x .

    They all seduced me .

    SC x .

  47. 47
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    You’re mixing Jura with honey?

    A waste and a sacrilege….

    Use Bells or Teachers in a toddy

  48. 48
  49. 49
    Greychatter says:

    Thinking about Boris’s criticism of Jeremy Clark and his love of expensive motors!!

  50. 50
    Fork Handles says:

    If you see four, blow them all out.

  51. 51
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Jura is a rather nice single malt WHISKY. the ones spelt with an, “e”. are inferior copies of the real thing.

  52. 52
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Nah. It’s Billy’s caption prize being put to a better use.

  53. 53
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    It is. And it is also an incredibly painful way to suicide. when Huhne’s driving charge comes through, someone leave 100 tablets and a bottle of Tesco’s whisky in his study.

  54. 54
    genghiz the kahn says:


    If one of my concubines was using Malt whisky, honey and lemon as a cold cure, she would become an ex-concubine as fast as the one who used Islay single malt in a fruit cake.

  55. 55
    annette curton says:

    Thanks for the ref/source.

  56. 56
    Captain Yellowbird says:

    We reckon they’re both asleep on the desks for the afternoon then?

  57. 57
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Or better still, Rum.

  58. 58
    Colonel Blimp (retd.) says:

    No wonder they are obese – look at the plateful of cakes!

  59. 59
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    A Hungarian NHS doctor once told me that a good Cognac was the cure for a sore throat and heavy cough!

  60. 60
    jgm2 says:

    You are right about the mis-spelling. Whisk(e)y was invented by the Ir*i*sh how the original can be called a copy is a mystery to me.

    Mind you Fucking Scotland is named after the conquering Irish ‘Scoti’ tribe so it’s entirely in keeping that the Scots would claim they’d invented the dr*i*nk. Even though they didn’t.

  61. 61
    Bruichladdich says:

    Bhunahabhain is also available.

  62. 62
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Does the failed liver come with onions and bacon?

  63. 63
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Go to bed with a hat and lots of decent whisky. Put the hat on the left hand bed post and start drinking. When you can see the hat on the right hand bed post you’re cured.

  64. 64
    M says:

    Is that the caption contest bottle of Jura !

  65. 65
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Has Handycock tried it? Jahbulon.

  66. 66
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    Get well soon Guido :-)

  67. 67
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Glenfiddich – means Valley of the Deer.

  68. 68
    Displaced Brummie says:

    Jura star for carrying on.

    Will that extra mention of Jura help?

  69. 69
    Tachybaptus says:

    I wouldn’t waste good whisky in this mixture either. Use two soluble aspirin instead of Lemsip or paracetamol. Just as effective. Especially good before going to bed, as whisky and aspirin together are soporific.

  70. 70
    David Rose says:

    While claiming it to be medicinal, neo Guido gleefully swigged the contents of a prizewinners bottle. His full bodied hair-cut betrayed further the notion of poor health.

  71. 71
    old grumpy says:

    I wouldn’t waste the good stuff on clod and flu. A pretty basic grain is sufficient,with the honey (2 tspns) and pure orange juice………. alcohol and painkillers can be dodgy…………. It doesn’t cure and will not kill……..but DAMN don’t you feel better after a glass or 12!

  72. 72
    Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman says:

    Glad to oblige, Billy…

  73. 73
    SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

    Try giving the prize offered in a previous ‘best of’ !!!!!!.
    & yes i would recommend 5x packs of 16 Anadin taken together with
    the bottle you kept from the deserving recipient !!,
    (bit shitty Guido !).

  74. 74
    SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

    HUHNE (could have said raving fag !)

  75. 75
    SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

    Drinking it with the prize winner ??

  76. 76
    SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

    No no really, overdose on that shit you shit !!!!!

  77. 77
    SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

    So the REAL truth is out,prizes & inducements are a fucking SHAM !,
    i am now beginning to question the veracity of that which i had
    (more or less) taken as an honest & non-partisan blog.

  78. 78
    SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

    Lochnagar is by far a better tipple.
    Use this as your preferred exit (with said over the counter stuff).

  79. 79
    SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

    Drinking a bottle that belongs to another ?

  80. 80
    SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

    Yeah maybe a depiction of the (non) winner of
    the non-existent ‘flu remedy’ ?

  81. 81
    Anonymous says:

    and a good splash of Propophol, sleep for day’s

  82. 82
    Heretic says:

    Thank you for shining a little light onto the issue of the fact that
    the Euro is a (YES) dead duck.

  83. 83
    Johnanthan Ive, CBE says:

    Scotland is perfect so it invented by Steve Jobs

  84. 84
    Colonel Blimp (retd.) says:

    Rohypnol, more like!

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    if its Euro Flu, you bleed through every orifice..and then wish you were ,Dead

  86. 86
    Grumpyoldgit says:

    Drop the Lemsip as they taste disgusting and get some lemons and a packet of paracetamol. I’m not sure about the Whisky as I prefer rum, but the next time I have a cold I’m happy to experiment.

  87. 87
    EC1 PhD says:

    This thing between you two would be better played out in private(s)

  88. 88
    EC1 PhD says:

    That’s my Jura, you’re drinking. Mezhdu pervoi i ftaroi promedjutek nie balshoy fat boy.

  89. 89
    Anonymous says:

    “And today children” the News will be talking about *Cancer* to stop you worrying your pretty little head about other issues.

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