We’re a bit under the weather in the Guy Newsroom, sniffling and headaches not caused by the usual reasons we have sniffling and headaches. So we have gone for the Jura whisky, honey, hot-water and Lemsip cure. Sort of like a medicinal whisky sour. It feels better already. Jura, send more medicine, please…
What Dave, Ed and Nick Want You to Hear | James Kirkup
In Praise of Apple’s Tax Plan | Daniel Mitchell
Christine Blower Can’t Do Maths | Toby Young
Cameron is Having a Shocker | Iain Martin
UKIP Still Back Flat Tax | London Loves Business
Dave Will Probably Win in 2015 | Dan Hodges
EU’s Tax Harmonisation Agenda | Dan Hannan
Tories Have Always Sneered at Party Faithful | Simon Heffer
French Youth Fleeing Socialism | Reason
Councils Should Not Blow Cash Subsidising Arts | Harry Phibbs
Old Holborn on Twitter Exile | Backbencher
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Ai Weiwei in China fighting the taxman…
“Under totalitarian rule, no one is protected by law. We will all be the same helpless victims. When a country insists on its lies, it’s time for an artist to bring forth change.”
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Glad you all feeling better
Charge it to a Public Sector Expense Account, they’ve got all the money!
The Prime Minister’s Official Spokesman today said Mr Duncan Smiths’ interpretation of the law was incorrect.
“That is not what is set out in the Act,” the spokesman said.
“The Act talks about triggering a referendum if there is a transfer of power or competence to Brussels,” he added.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/conservative/8935685/Downing-St-insists-there-will-be-no-EU-referendum-despite-Iain-Duncan-Smiths-demands.html
Try paracetamol. It works.
I always find a shag with a young girl does the trick. Boaz.
Find that a Lemsip/Night Nurse combo makes the girls more amicable.
Avoid Brown at all costs.
I think the active ingredient in Lemsip is paracetamol. As your doctor I advise you against mixing one known fucker-upper of the liver (paracetemol) with another (wh*is*key).
Jura is a rather nice single malt WHISKY. the ones spelt with an, “e”. are inferior copies of the real thing.
You are right about the mis-spelling. Whisk(e)y was invented by the Ir*i*sh how the original can be called a copy is a mystery to me.
Mind you Fucking Scotland is named after the conquering Irish ‘Scoti’ tribe so it’s entirely in keeping that the Scots would claim they’d invented the dr*i*nk. Even though they didn’t.
Scotland is perfect so it invented by Steve Jobs
Is that the caption contest bottle of Jura !
While claiming it to be medicinal, neo Guido gleefully swigged the contents of a prizewinners bottle. His full bodied hair-cut betrayed further the notion of poor health.
HUHNE (could have said raving fag !)
Try giving the prize offered in a previous ‘best of’ !!!!!!.
& yes i would recommend 5x packs of 16 Anadin taken together with
the bottle you kept from the deserving recipient !!,
(bit shitty Guido !).
You need to try the Drunken Hulk – Jura plus green cough syrup…
Drinking it with the prize winner ??
Don’t overdo the Lemsip, the Jura’s fine but Lemsip has paracetomol in it so be careful
Don’t tell me: Jura advertises on here?
Nah. It’s Billy’s caption prize being put to a better use.
Bhunahabhain is also available.
No no really, overdose on that shit you shit !!!!!
So the REAL truth is out,prizes & inducements are a fucking SHAM !,
i am now beginning to question the veracity of that which i had
(more or less) taken as an honest & non-partisan blog.
Lemsip is expensive paracetamol. Honey only good if you have a sore throat. The booze only good if you have the shivers, BUT is not recommended with medication (you either have booze or meds, not both).
Shouldnt you have a “dont try this st home” etc on there somewhere? mixing booze and meds not normally advisied.
Paracetamol Kill loads each year O.d.s so WHY dont they sell *Paramet* instead there is an antidote for paramet , answer coz nobody knows to ask for it. (Fact)
omited (Accidental Ods) check it drug company making more money perhaps???
It’s not the paracetamol that kills, it’s the kidney failure.
I thought it was the liver that failed.
It is. And it is also an incredibly painful way to suicide. when Huhne’s driving charge comes through, someone leave 100 tablets and a bottle of Tesco’s whisky in his study.
Does the failed liver come with onions and bacon?
Lochnagar is by far a better tipple.
Use this as your preferred exit (with said over the counter stuff).
Drinking a bottle that belongs to another ?
GET LIVER CANCER !!
Glad to oblige, Billy…
Sounds like Bird Flu to me. I hope you’ve written your Wills.
Don’t you get Bird Flu in Russia from tapping the wrong sort of crumpet?
Oooooooh!
Didn’t see yous here , petal x .
Pends wot u means by pullin , honey .
By the times I woz 15 , I had nearly pulled it off .
Anyways , I never seduced no one darlin x .
They all seduced me .
SC x .
This thing between you two would be better played out in private(s)
You could always get Rich and Mark to do you a nice cartoon to make you feel better…
Yeah maybe a depiction of the (non) winner of
the non-existent ‘flu remedy’ ?
You’re missing the candle…..
Light the candle.
Start drinking the whisky.
When you can see 3 candles, blow out the middle one.
Go to sleep.
You’ll be cured when you awake.
Works every time.
If you see four, blow them all out.
Go to bed with a hat and lots of decent whisky. Put the hat on the left hand bed post and start drinking. When you can see the hat on the right hand bed post you’re cured.
Thats where the whiskey went
Probably got poor old Boxer boiled down for glue to pay for a crate, every-bodies at it now.
add fresh root ginger too
O/T
Prime Minister’s Spokesman tells Lobby that The Prime Minister does not view any changes are needed to be effected by UK to allow Eurozone Fiscal Union will require further powers to be transferred from UK and therefore such action will NOT trigger the Europe Act requiring a referendum to be put to the British People…..Bernard Jenkin on the Daily Politics tells “Brillo” that au contraire the fact the Fiscal Union will create a bloc of 17 that will always effectively out vote UK (and that the “Tobin Tax” is still very much on the agenda and which will be achieved by Qualified Majority Voting under directives that will circumvent Inter-Governmental Veto…my view not Jenkin) means that effectively the UK’s relationship with the EU will be significantly altered and therfore this WILL require a referendum which I personally tend to agree with whatever the spin coming out of Downing Street.
We are already seeing those Europhiile Conservative MPs being wheeled oout by Downing Street to forecast Doomsday if we do not help Germany and if we should try to block this by holding a referendum and the old chestnut being rolled out is “This is NOT the time !”. It is the time and Cameron had better realise that this is not going to go away. If he wishes to split his party then he’s going the right way about it and also selling Britain down the river at the same time…
Who was it that said recently; why chain yourself to a corpse?.
Comment 415:
http://order-order.com/2011/12/04/poll-bounce-reflects-lucky-hat-trick-for-dave/#comments
Thanks for the ref/source.
Has Handycock tried it? Jahbulon.
Cameron has probably judged, rightly, that the likes of Jenkin, Cash, Carswell and Redwood, simply and to their utter shame do not have the stomach to do anything more than raise objections to this utter betrayal of the UK by the Conservative Party leadership.
Thank you for shining a little light onto the issue of the fact that
the Euro is a (YES) dead duck.
Jura wasted in a toddy – better to use a blend
+1
A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the drive home eh?
Try Windowlene with a Toilet Duck chaser, works every time for me!
A R S E!!
A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the d.rive home eh?
I’m partial to a wee dram of the good old gold of Jura. Can I come and pay you boysh a visit and dhhrink your Jura and we cun reminish, remenish… I mean, reminensh, we cun relive old timesshhhh together?
So that’s what happened to the caption competition prize!
The last prize on offer was a bottle of Glennfditch (something like that) 3 caption contests ago.
I think.
And jolly nice it was too
Glenfiddich – means Valley of the Deer.
Powdered paracetamol, lemon juice and honey – all greatly improve Jura whisky. Add a clove or two to be sure.
Guido: Would a hot toddy cure this headache?
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2011/12/05/the-most-expensive-car-crash-ever-eight-ferraris-in-supercar-pile-up-115875-23610157/
Thinking about Boris’s criticism of Jeremy Clark and his love of expensive motors!!
Bottom right?
Thats Neo-Guido, the brains and looks behind the outfit.
No! he is straight and like way to intenlligent for me.
I recommend:-
Pulmo Baillie.
Great stuff.
Just add alcohol of choice, warm,hot or cold water, lemon juice, cinnamon or any spice of choice and glugg.
Excellent and a great restorative.
Kinda gives you that warm-and-fuzzy feeling all over, doesn’t it?
I’ve heard of rushing the Christmas season, but New Year’s Eve?
U has male , darlin x .
SC x .
Well, hello !!!!!!!
Tian Tian has escaped.
You’re mixing Jura with honey?
A waste and a sacrilege….
Use Bells or Teachers in a toddy
+1.
If one of my concubines was using Malt whisky, honey and lemon as a cold cure, she would become an ex-concubine as fast as the one who used Islay single malt in a fruit cake.
Or better still, Rum.
I wouldn’t waste good whisky in this mixture either. Use two soluble aspirin instead of Lemsip or paracetamol. Just as effective. Especially good before going to bed, as whisky and aspirin together are soporific.
We reckon they’re both asleep on the desks for the afternoon then?
No wonder they are obese – look at the plateful of cakes!
A Hungarian NHS doctor once told me that a good Cognac was the cure for a sore throat and heavy cough!
Get well soon Guido
Jura star for carrying on.
Will that extra mention of Jura help?
I wouldn’t waste the good stuff on clod and flu. A pretty basic grain is sufficient,with the honey (2 tspns) and pure orange juice………. alcohol and painkillers can be dodgy…………. It doesn’t cure and will not kill……..but DAMN don’t you feel better after a glass or 12!
and a good splash of Propophol, sleep for day’s
Rohypnol, more like!
if its Euro Flu, you bleed through every orifice..and then wish you were ,Dead
Drop the Lemsip as they taste disgusting and get some lemons and a packet of paracetamol. I’m not sure about the Whisky as I prefer rum, but the next time I have a cold I’m happy to experiment.
That’s my Jura, you’re drinking. Mezhdu pervoi i ftaroi promedjutek nie balshoy fat boy.
“And today children” the News will be talking about *Cancer* to stop you worrying your pretty little head about other issues.