December 5th, 2011

Guy Newsroom Cold Cure

We’re a bit under the weather in the Guy Newsroom, sniffling and headaches not caused by the usual reasons we have sniffling and headaches. So we have gone for the Jura whisky, honey, hot-water and Lemsip cure. Sort of like a medicinal whisky sour. It feels better already. Jura, send more medicine, please…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Glad you all feeling better :-)


  2. 2
    In other media news says:

    Don’t overdo the Lemsip, the Jura’s fine but Lemsip has paracetomol in it so be careful


  3. 3
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Lemsip is expensive paracetamol. Honey only good if you have a sore throat. The booze only good if you have the shivers, BUT is not recommended with medication (you either have booze or meds, not both).


  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Shouldnt you have a “dont try this st home” etc on there somewhere? mixing booze and meds not normally advisied.


  5. 6
    Desperate Dan says:

    Sounds like Bird Flu to me. I hope you’ve written your Wills.


  6. 7
    Perse O'Nally says:

    You could always get Rich and Mark to do you a nice cartoon to make you feel better…


  7. 8
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    You’re missing the candle…..

    Light the candle.
    Start drinking the whisky.
    When you can see 3 candles, blow out the middle one.
    Go to sleep.
    You’ll be cured when you awake.

    Works every time.


    • 50
      Fork Handles says:

      If you see four, blow them all out.


    • 63
      Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

      Go to bed with a hat and lots of decent whisky. Put the hat on the left hand bed post and start drinking. When you can see the hat on the right hand bed post you’re cured.


  8. 9
    Anonymous says:

    Thats where the whiskey went


  9. 11
    Anonymous says:

    add fresh root ginger too


  10. 12
    Selling out the national interest(again) says:

    Prime Minister’s Spokesman tells Lobby that The Prime Minister does not view any changes are needed to be effected by UK to allow Eurozone Fiscal Union will require further powers to be transferred from UK and therefore such action will NOT trigger the Europe Act requiring a referendum to be put to the British People…..Bernard Jenkin on the Daily Politics tells “Brillo” that au contraire the fact the Fiscal Union will create a bloc of 17 that will always effectively out vote UK (and that the “Tobin Tax” is still very much on the agenda and which will be achieved by Qualified Majority Voting under directives that will circumvent Inter-Governmental Veto…my view not Jenkin) means that effectively the UK’s relationship with the EU will be significantly altered and therfore this WILL require a referendum which I personally tend to agree with whatever the spin coming out of Downing Street.

    We are already seeing those Europhiile Conservative MPs being wheeled oout by Downing Street to forecast Doomsday if we do not help Germany and if we should try to block this by holding a referendum and the old chestnut being rolled out is “This is NOT the time !”. It is the time and Cameron had better realise that this is not going to go away. If he wishes to split his party then he’s going the right way about it and also selling Britain down the river at the same time…


  11. 14
    Steve Miliband says:

    Jura wasted in a toddy – better to use a blend


  12. 16
    non believer says:

    A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the drive home eh?


  13. 17
    Father Jack says:

    Try Windowlene with a Toilet Duck chaser, works every time for me!

    A R S E!!


  14. 19
    non believer says:

    A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the d.rive home eh?


  15. 21

    I’m partial to a wee dram of the good old gold of Jura. Can I come and pay you boysh a visit and dhhrink your Jura and we cun reminish, remenish… I mean, reminensh, we cun relive old timesshhhh together?


  16. 22
    Disco Biscuit says:

    So that’s what happened to the caption competition prize!


  17. 24
    Jock Strapped says:

    Powdered paracetamol, lemon juice and honey – all greatly improve Jura whisky. Add a clove or two to be sure.


  18. 30
  19. 32
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Bottom right?

    Thats Neo-Guido, the brains and looks behind the outfit. ;-)


  20. 35
    Penfold says:

    I recommend:-

    Pulmo Baillie.

    Great stuff.

    Just add alcohol of choice, warm,hot or cold water, lemon juice, cinnamon or any spice of choice and glugg.

    Excellent and a great restorative.


  21. 36
    " How much have you had tonight, sir?" says:

    Kinda gives you that warm-and-fuzzy feeling all over, doesn’t it?
    I’ve heard of rushing the Christmas season, but New Year’s Eve?


  22. 37

    U has male , darlin x .

    SC x .


  23. 40
    Gonk says:

    Tian Tian has escaped.


  24. 47
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    You’re mixing Jura with honey?

    A waste and a sacrilege….

    Use Bells or Teachers in a toddy


    • 54
      genghiz the kahn says:


      If one of my concubines was using Malt whisky, honey and lemon as a cold cure, she would become an ex-concubine as fast as the one who used Islay single malt in a fruit cake.


    • 57
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      Or better still, Rum.


      • 69
        Tachybaptus says:

        I wouldn’t waste good whisky in this mixture either. Use two soluble aspirin instead of Lemsip or paracetamol. Just as effective. Especially good before going to bed, as whisky and aspirin together are soporific.


  25. 56
    Captain Yellowbird says:

    We reckon they’re both asleep on the desks for the afternoon then?


  26. 58
    Colonel Blimp (retd.) says:

    No wonder they are obese – look at the plateful of cakes!


  27. 59
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    A Hungarian NHS doctor once told me that a good Cognac was the cure for a sore throat and heavy cough!


  28. 66
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    Get well soon Guido :-)


  29. 68
    Displaced Brummie says:

    Jura star for carrying on.

    Will that extra mention of Jura help?


  30. 71
    old grumpy says:

    I wouldn’t waste the good stuff on clod and flu. A pretty basic grain is sufficient,with the honey (2 tspns) and pure orange juice………. alcohol and painkillers can be dodgy…………. It doesn’t cure and will not kill……..but DAMN don’t you feel better after a glass or 12!


  31. 84
    Colonel Blimp (retd.) says:

    Rohypnol, more like!


  32. 85
    Anonymous says:

    if its Euro Flu, you bleed through every orifice..and then wish you were ,Dead


  33. 86
    Grumpyoldgit says:

    Drop the Lemsip as they taste disgusting and get some lemons and a packet of paracetamol. I’m not sure about the Whisky as I prefer rum, but the next time I have a cold I’m happy to experiment.


  34. 88
    EC1 PhD says:

    That’s my Jura, you’re drinking. Mezhdu pervoi i ftaroi promedjutek nie balshoy fat boy.


  35. 89
    Anonymous says:

    “And today children” the News will be talking about *Cancer* to stop you worrying your pretty little head about other issues.


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Gyles Brandreth writes in his memoirs:

“Sunday, May 10, 1998

Early start: appearing on Breakfast With Frost, to be broadcast from 11 Downing Street. The Chancellor [Gordon Brown] is grouchily amiable, but so earnest — and still biting his fingernails to the quick.

After the show, he took us upstairs to his flat. He lives above No 10, while Blair and family are in the No 11 duplex, which is bigger and more like a proper house.

I was intrigued that, when he took us into his bedroom, the Chancellor rather ostentatiously opened the built-in wardrobes, as if he wanted us to see the women’s frocks that were hanging in there.

They looked quite large, but I don’t think they belong to Gordon. I assume they belong to his girlfriend [Sarah Macaulay, who he later married].

I presume he was keen for us to know that he has one — and that she’s not a ‘beard’. I don’t think he does anything without calculation.”

The British media are Hunts says:

Now the SNP know how UKIP voters feel all the time.

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