December 5th, 2011

Guy Newsroom Cold Cure

We’re a bit under the weather in the Guy Newsroom, sniffling and headaches not caused by the usual reasons we have sniffling and headaches. So we have gone for the Jura whisky, honey, hot-water and Lemsip cure. Sort of like a medicinal whisky sour. It feels better already. Jura, send more medicine, please…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Glad you all feeling better :-)

  2. 2
    In other media news says:

    Don’t overdo the Lemsip, the Jura’s fine but Lemsip has paracetomol in it so be careful

    • 34
      Glenmorangie is available at your local stockist says:

      Don’t tell me: Jura advertises on here?

    • 76
      SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

      No no really, overdose on that shit you shit !!!!!

      • 77
        SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

        So the REAL truth is out,prizes & inducements are a fucking SHAM !,
        i am now beginning to question the veracity of that which i had
        (more or less) taken as an honest & non-partisan blog.

  3. 3
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Lemsip is expensive paracetamol. Honey only good if you have a sore throat. The booze only good if you have the shivers, BUT is not recommended with medication (you either have booze or meds, not both).

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Shouldnt you have a “dont try this st home” etc on there somewhere? mixing booze and meds not normally advisied.

    • 15
      Anonymous says:

      Paracetamol Kill loads each year O.d.s so WHY dont they sell *Paramet* instead there is an antidote for paramet , answer coz nobody knows to ask for it. (Fact)

      • 31
        Anonymous says:

        omited (Accidental Ods) check it drug company making more money perhaps???

      • 42
        Henry Crun says:

        It’s not the paracetamol that kills, it’s the kidney failure.

        • 45
          jgm2 says:

          I thought it was the liver that failed.

          • Grumpy Old Man says:

            It is. And it is also an incredibly painful way to suicide. when Huhne’s driving charge comes through, someone leave 100 tablets and a bottle of Tesco’s whisky in his study.

          • Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

            Does the failed liver come with onions and bacon?

        • 78
          SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

          Lochnagar is by far a better tipple.
          Use this as your preferred exit (with said over the counter stuff).

        • 79
          SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

          Drinking a bottle that belongs to another ?
          GET LIVER CANCER !!

    • 72
      Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman says:

      Glad to oblige, Billy…

  5. 6
    Desperate Dan says:

    Sounds like Bird Flu to me. I hope you’ve written your Wills.

  6. 7
    Perse O'Nally says:

    You could always get Rich and Mark to do you a nice cartoon to make you feel better…

    • 80
      SHITTY GUIDO !!!!!!!!!! says:

      Yeah maybe a depiction of the (non) winner of
      the non-existent ‘flu remedy’ ?

  7. 8
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    You’re missing the candle…..

    Light the candle.
    Start drinking the whisky.
    When you can see 3 candles, blow out the middle one.
    Go to sleep.
    You’ll be cured when you awake.

    Works every time.

    • 50
      Fork Handles says:

      If you see four, blow them all out.

    • 63
      Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

      Go to bed with a hat and lots of decent whisky. Put the hat on the left hand bed post and start drinking. When you can see the hat on the right hand bed post you’re cured.

  8. 9
    Anonymous says:

    Thats where the whiskey went

    • 20
      annette curton says:

      Probably got poor old Boxer boiled down for glue to pay for a crate, every-bodies at it now.

  9. 11
    Anonymous says:

    add fresh root ginger too

  10. 12
    Selling out the national interest(again) says:

    Prime Minister’s Spokesman tells Lobby that The Prime Minister does not view any changes are needed to be effected by UK to allow Eurozone Fiscal Union will require further powers to be transferred from UK and therefore such action will NOT trigger the Europe Act requiring a referendum to be put to the British People…..Bernard Jenkin on the Daily Politics tells “Brillo” that au contraire the fact the Fiscal Union will create a bloc of 17 that will always effectively out vote UK (and that the “Tobin Tax” is still very much on the agenda and which will be achieved by Qualified Majority Voting under directives that will circumvent Inter-Governmental Veto…my view not Jenkin) means that effectively the UK’s relationship with the EU will be significantly altered and therfore this WILL require a referendum which I personally tend to agree with whatever the spin coming out of Downing Street.

    We are already seeing those Europhiile Conservative MPs being wheeled oout by Downing Street to forecast Doomsday if we do not help Germany and if we should try to block this by holding a referendum and the old chestnut being rolled out is “This is NOT the time !”. It is the time and Cameron had better realise that this is not going to go away. If he wishes to split his party then he’s going the right way about it and also selling Britain down the river at the same time…

  11. 14
    Steve Miliband says:

    Jura wasted in a toddy – better to use a blend

  12. 16
    non believer says:

    A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the drive home eh?

  13. 17
    Father Jack says:

    Try Windowlene with a Toilet Duck chaser, works every time for me!

    A R S E!!

  14. 19
    non believer says:

    A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the d.rive home eh?

  15. 21

    I’m partial to a wee dram of the good old gold of Jura. Can I come and pay you boysh a visit and dhhrink your Jura and we cun reminish, remenish… I mean, reminensh, we cun relive old timesshhhh together?

  16. 22
    Disco Biscuit says:

    So that’s what happened to the caption competition prize!

  17. 24
    Jock Strapped says:

    Powdered paracetamol, lemon juice and honey – all greatly improve Jura whisky. Add a clove or two to be sure.

  18. 30
    • 49
      Greychatter says:

      Thinking about Boris’s criticism of Jeremy Clark and his love of expensive motors!!

  19. 32
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Bottom right?

    Thats Neo-Guido, the brains and looks behind the outfit. ;-)

    • 39
      Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

      No! he is straight and like way to intenlligent for me.

  20. 35
    Penfold says:

    I recommend:-

    Pulmo Baillie.

    Great stuff.

    Just add alcohol of choice, warm,hot or cold water, lemon juice, cinnamon or any spice of choice and glugg.

    Excellent and a great restorative.

  21. 36
    " How much have you had tonight, sir?" says:

    Kinda gives you that warm-and-fuzzy feeling all over, doesn’t it?
    I’ve heard of rushing the Christmas season, but New Year’s Eve?

  22. 37

    U has male , darlin x .

    SC x .

  23. 40
    Gonk says:

    Tian Tian has escaped.

  24. 47
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    You’re mixing Jura with honey?

    A waste and a sacrilege….

    Use Bells or Teachers in a toddy

    • 54
      genghiz the kahn says:


      If one of my concubines was using Malt whisky, honey and lemon as a cold cure, she would become an ex-concubine as fast as the one who used Islay single malt in a fruit cake.

    • 57
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      Or better still, Rum.

      • 69
        Tachybaptus says:

        I wouldn’t waste good whisky in this mixture either. Use two soluble aspirin instead of Lemsip or paracetamol. Just as effective. Especially good before going to bed, as whisky and aspirin together are soporific.

  25. 56
    Captain Yellowbird says:

    We reckon they’re both asleep on the desks for the afternoon then?

  26. 58
    Colonel Blimp (retd.) says:

    No wonder they are obese – look at the plateful of cakes!

  27. 59
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    A Hungarian NHS doctor once told me that a good Cognac was the cure for a sore throat and heavy cough!

  28. 66
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    Get well soon Guido :-)

  29. 68
    Displaced Brummie says:

    Jura star for carrying on.

    Will that extra mention of Jura help?

  30. 71
    old grumpy says:

    I wouldn’t waste the good stuff on clod and flu. A pretty basic grain is sufficient,with the honey (2 tspns) and pure orange juice………. alcohol and painkillers can be dodgy…………. It doesn’t cure and will not kill……..but DAMN don’t you feel better after a glass or 12!

  31. 84
    Colonel Blimp (retd.) says:

    Rohypnol, more like!

  32. 85
    Anonymous says:

    if its Euro Flu, you bleed through every orifice..and then wish you were ,Dead

  33. 86
    Grumpyoldgit says:

    Drop the Lemsip as they taste disgusting and get some lemons and a packet of paracetamol. I’m not sure about the Whisky as I prefer rum, but the next time I have a cold I’m happy to experiment.

  34. 88
    EC1 PhD says:

    That’s my Jura, you’re drinking. Mezhdu pervoi i ftaroi promedjutek nie balshoy fat boy.

  35. 89
    Anonymous says:

    “And today children” the News will be talking about *Cancer* to stop you worrying your pretty little head about other issues.

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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