December 5th, 2011

Guy Newsroom Cold Cure

We’re a bit under the weather in the Guy Newsroom, sniffling and headaches not caused by the usual reasons we have sniffling and headaches. So we have gone for the Jura whisky, honey, hot-water and Lemsip cure. Sort of like a medicinal whisky sour. It feels better already. Jura, send more medicine, please…


89 Comments

  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Glad you all feeling better :-)

    Like

  2. 2
    In other media news says:

    Don’t overdo the Lemsip, the Jura’s fine but Lemsip has paracetomol in it so be careful

    Like

  3. 3
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Lemsip is expensive paracetamol. Honey only good if you have a sore throat. The booze only good if you have the shivers, BUT is not recommended with medication (you either have booze or meds, not both).

    Like

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Shouldnt you have a “dont try this st home” etc on there somewhere? mixing booze and meds not normally advisied.

    Like

  5. 6
    Desperate Dan says:

    Sounds like Bird Flu to me. I hope you’ve written your Wills.

    Like

  6. 7
    Perse O'Nally says:

    You could always get Rich and Mark to do you a nice cartoon to make you feel better…

    Like

  7. 8
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    You’re missing the candle…..

    Light the candle.
    Start drinking the whisky.
    When you can see 3 candles, blow out the middle one.
    Go to sleep.
    You’ll be cured when you awake.

    Works every time.

    Like

    • 50
      Fork Handles says:

      If you see four, blow them all out.

      Like

    • 63
      Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

      Go to bed with a hat and lots of decent whisky. Put the hat on the left hand bed post and start drinking. When you can see the hat on the right hand bed post you’re cured.

      Like

  8. 9
    Anonymous says:

    Thats where the whiskey went

    Like

  9. 11
    Anonymous says:

    add fresh root ginger too

    Like

  10. 12
    Selling out the national interest(again) says:

    O/T
    Prime Minister’s Spokesman tells Lobby that The Prime Minister does not view any changes are needed to be effected by UK to allow Eurozone Fiscal Union will require further powers to be transferred from UK and therefore such action will NOT trigger the Europe Act requiring a referendum to be put to the British People…..Bernard Jenkin on the Daily Politics tells “Brillo” that au contraire the fact the Fiscal Union will create a bloc of 17 that will always effectively out vote UK (and that the “Tobin Tax” is still very much on the agenda and which will be achieved by Qualified Majority Voting under directives that will circumvent Inter-Governmental Veto…my view not Jenkin) means that effectively the UK’s relationship with the EU will be significantly altered and therfore this WILL require a referendum which I personally tend to agree with whatever the spin coming out of Downing Street.

    We are already seeing those Europhiile Conservative MPs being wheeled oout by Downing Street to forecast Doomsday if we do not help Germany and if we should try to block this by holding a referendum and the old chestnut being rolled out is “This is NOT the time !”. It is the time and Cameron had better realise that this is not going to go away. If he wishes to split his party then he’s going the right way about it and also selling Britain down the river at the same time…

    Like

  11. 14
    Steve Miliband says:

    Jura wasted in a toddy – better to use a blend

    Like

  12. 16
    non believer says:

    A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the drive home eh?

    Like

  13. 17
    Father Jack says:

    Try Windowlene with a Toilet Duck chaser, works every time for me!

    A R S E!!

    Like

  14. 19
    non believer says:

    A good 20 of those and you’ll be ready for the d.rive home eh?

    Like

  15. 21

    I’m partial to a wee dram of the good old gold of Jura. Can I come and pay you boysh a visit and dhhrink your Jura and we cun reminish, remenish… I mean, reminensh, we cun relive old timesshhhh together?

    Like

  16. 22
    Disco Biscuit says:

    So that’s what happened to the caption competition prize!

    Like

  17. 24
    Jock Strapped says:

    Powdered paracetamol, lemon juice and honey – all greatly improve Jura whisky. Add a clove or two to be sure.

    Like

  18. 30
  19. 32
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Bottom right?

    Thats Neo-Guido, the brains and looks behind the outfit. ;-)

    Like

  20. 35
    Penfold says:

    I recommend:-

    Pulmo Baillie.

    Great stuff.

    Just add alcohol of choice, warm,hot or cold water, lemon juice, cinnamon or any spice of choice and glugg.

    Excellent and a great restorative.

    Like

  21. 36
    " How much have you had tonight, sir?" says:

    Kinda gives you that warm-and-fuzzy feeling all over, doesn’t it?
    I’ve heard of rushing the Christmas season, but New Year’s Eve?

    Like

  22. 37

    U has male , darlin x .

    SC x .

    Like

  23. 40
    Gonk says:

    Tian Tian has escaped.

    Like

  24. 47
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    You’re mixing Jura with honey?

    A waste and a sacrilege….

    Use Bells or Teachers in a toddy

    Like

    • 54
      genghiz the kahn says:

      +1.

      If one of my concubines was using Malt whisky, honey and lemon as a cold cure, she would become an ex-concubine as fast as the one who used Islay single malt in a fruit cake.

      Like

    • 57
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      Or better still, Rum.

      Like

      • 69
        Tachybaptus says:

        I wouldn’t waste good whisky in this mixture either. Use two soluble aspirin instead of Lemsip or paracetamol. Just as effective. Especially good before going to bed, as whisky and aspirin together are soporific.

        Like

  25. 56
    Captain Yellowbird says:

    We reckon they’re both asleep on the desks for the afternoon then?

    Like

  26. 58
    Colonel Blimp (retd.) says:

    No wonder they are obese – look at the plateful of cakes!

    Like

  27. 59
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    A Hungarian NHS doctor once told me that a good Cognac was the cure for a sore throat and heavy cough!

    Like

  28. 66
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    Get well soon Guido :-)

    Like

  29. 68
    Displaced Brummie says:

    Jura star for carrying on.

    Will that extra mention of Jura help?

    Like

  30. 71
    old grumpy says:

    I wouldn’t waste the good stuff on clod and flu. A pretty basic grain is sufficient,with the honey (2 tspns) and pure orange juice………. alcohol and painkillers can be dodgy…………. It doesn’t cure and will not kill……..but DAMN don’t you feel better after a glass or 12!

    Like

  31. 84
    Colonel Blimp (retd.) says:

    Rohypnol, more like!

    Like

  32. 85
    Anonymous says:

    if its Euro Flu, you bleed through every orifice..and then wish you were ,Dead

    Like

  33. 86
    Grumpyoldgit says:

    Drop the Lemsip as they taste disgusting and get some lemons and a packet of paracetamol. I’m not sure about the Whisky as I prefer rum, but the next time I have a cold I’m happy to experiment.

    Like

  34. 88
    EC1 PhD says:

    That’s my Jura, you’re drinking. Mezhdu pervoi i ftaroi promedjutek nie balshoy fat boy.

    Like

  35. 89
    Anonymous says:

    “And today children” the News will be talking about *Cancer* to stop you worrying your pretty little head about other issues.

    Like


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VOTER-RECALL
Find out more about PLMR


Austrian Chancellor Werner Faymann on Cameron’s refusal to pay the £1.7 billion EU bill by December 1st:

“Well, then he’s gonna pay on December 2nd”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


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