November 8th, 2011

A Comedy Treat

Guido has a bottle of the finest from the nice people at Glenfiddich to give to last week’s caption contest winner. Nothing really tickled him though, so instead the prize is going to the commenter “Selohesra” who has recently taken up limerick writing. Here’s a selection of some of the cleaner ones:

There once was an MP called Chuka
Whose left wing credentials weren’t Pukka
Privileged and greedy
With tax planning quite seedy
Lets hope he ends up in the gutter

There once was a PM called Thatcher
There are scarcely any could match her
Churchill was one
Before my days begun
So for me its the union dispatcher

A deputy PM called Nick
Came across as a little bit thick
As was plain to be seen
On the €uro he was keen
The tosser, the loser, the pr*ck

An ex PM from Kirkcaldy
Whose grip on reality was shoddy
Claimed his name was not Brown
That he lived in toytown
And henceforth had to be called Noddy

Well Guido laughed, so congratulations…


160 Comments

  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! (Episode six, the Umpire strikes back) also in Cunt3DHDTV says:

    Congratulations to winner.

    Tis always next time :-)

  2. 2
    Polly Twintub says:

    Rape! Rape! Anyone who doesn’t like me is a rapist!

  3. 3
    Ah! Monika says:

    Deserved

  4. 4
    Mossad agent pretending to have a spat with, er, Mossad says:

    Liar!

  5. 5
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    This made me titter:
    “A staff member reportedly explained that the headphones to go with the translation sets were not yet being handed out because this would have allowed journalists to listen in on the private conversation still going on. Half a dozen journalists immediately plugged in their own headphones and caught three minutes of the private exchange”

  6. 6
    Billy Bowden is the world's greatest umpire! says:

    Frankie sacked from X Factor because of alleged line problems.

    Doesn’t specify whether he is having trouble learning them or snorting them.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    That’s worth more than a bottle of Glenfiddich !!

    I think that deserves a bottle of Lagavulin, at the very least…

  8. 8
    Ah! Monika says:

    BREAKING NEWS!!

    To save the economy, on November 26, 2011, Cameron will announce that he is ordering the UK Borders Agency to start deporting old people (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and healthcare costs in the UK as a whole (including the Channel Isles & Isle of Man).

    Old people are easier to catch, and will not remember how to get back home!

  9. 9
    Rat's arse says:

    Never mind Billy – tomorrow is another day. :)
    Congrats to selohesra [arseh*les spelt backwards]. Well deserved.

  10. 10
    Teresa May-Doing G_d's Work says:

    You vile anti-semitic racist nazi cocksucker schmuck.

  11. 11
    School for scoundrels says:

    There was a PM name of Blair
    who made the world fraught and unfair
    while he twisted and connived
    hundreds of thousands just died
    and now he’s a multi fucking millionare.

  12. 12
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! (Episode six, the Umpire strikes back) also in Cunt3DHDTV says:

    Its only a bit of fun, tho i thought i had nailed as normal :-)

    Wonder what odds i am to win the capion contest? any know a bookie?

  13. 13
    Loungelizard says:

    Tight fisted blogger attempts to pass off wife’s urine sample as bottle of Glenfiddich as prize in caption contest.

  14. 14
    Number 10's cat says:

    If it’s Limericks he’s writing, wouldn’t a bottle of Jameson be more apposite.

  15. 15
    A bloke of a certain age says:

    There once was a blogger named Guido
    Who wouldnt allow the word p***o
    Though lizards were fine
    And Bilderberg crimes
    And jokes about Huhne and his speedo

  16. 16
    Retteb, si flahd noces eht tub, but the second half is better. says:

    In a backwards sort of way not bad…..

  17. 17
    Well Done, Captain Obvious says:

    Next you’ll tell us there is a real Billy Bowden and that he is a real umpire.

  18. 18
    Drew Pecock says:

    At the G20 cutting a dash
    Cameron tried to look flash
    Merckle and Sarcosy
    Think the c**nts dozy
    To give away taxpayers cash

    The public are down in their knees
    But Cameron has Brussels to please
    He sucks up to them
    Though he‘s Britain’s PM
    Why do we elect arseholes like these

  19. 19
    A bloke of a certain age says:

    He got his marching dust errr I mean orders

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    you are just not funny

  21. 21
    American Pie says:

    Please, stop it.

  22. 22
    American Pie says:

    “Reports are coming in regarding student demonstrations in London tomorrow, Wednesday 9 November. Most parts of central London will be affected.”

    ??

  23. 23
    American Pie says:

    Be fair, he had a good stab last week.

  24. 24
  25. 25
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    There is a lot of moderating going on today

  26. 26
    AC1 says:

    Crumbs, it’s like they really wanted that to happen…

  27. 27
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! (Episode six, the Umpire strikes back) also in Cunt3DHDTV says:

    I thought this was the best.

    http://order-order.com/2011/11/04/friday-caption-contest-digital-engagement-edition/#comment-1124967

  28. 28
    Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

    Thank you for the clarification, dear. In my advanced state of dementia, I had selohesra down as the Greek God of Wind.

  29. 29
    I don't get it says:

    But, p***o isn’t spelt p e a…?

  30. 30
    Rat's arse says:

    Neither are you anonymong.

  31. 31
    Nikos Sarkybarsty says:

    “I zinc zat ze rosbeefs will give us ze euros we asked. I ‘ope zat zis will be enough to bail out ze French and German banks. Zen we can allow ze Greeks to fold. Ze IMF will be owed ze money, not our banks..
    I was a bit worried about Dave..but he’s onside now..I told ‘im zat if he doesn’t pay up..no more money for high speed rail..Hahaha..ze fool doesn’t seem to realise zat its his own money…ze money he gives to us, with ze little haircut, given back to ‘im..
    How you say Merkel..he is a Dumpfkopf!?

    ” I call him UPS. You know you can count on him to deliver..”

    “Hello..iz zat ze someone listening in…?”

  32. 32
    Selohesra says:

    The dirty unwashed at St Paul’s
    Kept up their lunatic calls
    Higher taxes for City workers
    To fund benefits for shirkers
    They use the same script as Ed Balls

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    Blimey, one that scans properly (although ‘although’ would be better than ‘though.’) Most of the attempts here are shite in that regard – so are the ones that got the prize. Try Robert Conquest if you want to see how it’s done:

    There was an old Marxist called Lenin,
    Who did one or two million men in.
    That’s a lot to have done in,
    But where he did one in,
    That old Marxist Stalin did ten in.

  34. 34
    Jimmy says:

    Rich’n’Mark meet McGonagall.

  35. 35
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Hear, hear. A worthy winner.

  36. 36
    hi queue says:

    Tough luck Billy

    Old malt, young boys
    roasted nuts
    Caught in the slips

  37. 37
  38. 38

    Passport please?

    I showed it to the trolley guy … at the airport in Lagos..I think he was called Shemang or Shegun or something? He had ear defenders on and everything.

    Very good sir..welcome to Britain.

  39. 39
    Filthy Lucre says:

    I think anonymong & last try are a real pair if sicko/saddos. They probably live on their own, eat a boil in the bag for one and wAnk over a picture of Diana. More to be pitied than scolded me thinks. Poor sods.

  40. 40
    An ex-British PM who asks to remain anonymous says:

    You’d never catch me out….like that,….eh Sue ??

  41. 41
    A Labour-educated Student says:

    I fink Ill like smaSh up a wor memoriul of sumfing.

  42. 42

    ‘Where he did”ONLY” one in’ makes it a 7/7 scan.

  43. 43
    Loungelizard says:

    Harsh.

  44. 44
    Filthy Lucre says:

    I dont know why not AC1. Mo’hamed was exactly that.

  45. 45
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    More to do with it rhyming with guido I’d have thought.

    A meme/adhd blurt of “spedo shorts”

  46. 46

    A windowlicker oddly called Selohesra
    Created limericks that no one could besta
    Not being a nebbish
    He won the Glenfiddich
    But previous winners got rather lessa.

  47. 47
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    More like it rhymes with guido.

    A meme/ADHD blurt from someone who’s very name sends posts to the bin.

  48. 48
    UK Border Force says:

    We can always tell the “Brits” in the Q by their tattoos and piercings and the way they hold the can of lager whilst trying not to spill it down the front of the footie shirt they’re wearing……

  49. 49
    Rick Limerfuck says:

    The golden rule for this purest form of poetry is:
    First line – 9 syllables
    Second – 9 ”
    Third – 5/6 ”
    Forth – 5/6 ”
    Fifth – 9 ”

    Example:

    There woz a right blogger named Guido
    Whose posts he enticed us to read . Oh !
    His plan come unstuck
    When the people sez , fuck !
    How much of this crap does we need-o ??

    With apologies to Euripedes.

  50. 50
    Poet Laureate says:

    Pukka doesn’t rhyme with gutter. End of.

  51. 51
    Selohesra says:

    A Tory called Jonathan Djangoly
    Had balls remarkably dangly
    Instead of talc he used glitter
    To pamper his shitter
    Now his pubes are all festive and spangly

  52. 52
    Chavwatch UK says:

    XXXXXL footie shirt. None of the fuckers could run 100 yards without collapsing.

  53. 53

    They are just the same at home except they are normally perched or slumped in their vinyl sofas, into which they fart incessantly.

  54. 54
    carry on up william hague says:

    There once was a tosser called billy
    who at this time of year felt his booth to be chilly
    he tried an extra sweater
    sadly this didnt make better
    So he passed the day fapping away with his willy

  55. 55
    Rat's arse says:

    Sorry for being patronising Elsie – didn’t mean to be – honest! To my eternal shame, I only noticed that it was ars*hole spelt backwards today! I’ll be kind to myself, and put it down to lack of sleep.

  56. 56
    Tessa Tickles says:

    I thought his plan was to cut-off all assistance to the elderly, so they die-off this winter.

    “I’d like to maintain care for the elderly,” said Dave, “but we have no money, even for people who paid tax all their lives. I am sorry they will have to die,” he protested, as he committed his government to spending £34billion on the HS2 rail link that no one wants, £13.3billion on EU membership and £11billion on foreign aid to countries with nuclear arsenals and space-programmes. And another £40billion to the IMF, to bail out the euro.

    “It’s not my fault we have to make these austerity cuts,” Dave added.

  57. 57
    The Young Bloke From Nantucket says:

    There’s too many posters named Billy
    And some are exceedingly silly
    Guido said,”Yes, I know;
    So I must proceed slow,
    I don’t give out the booze willy-nilly”

  58. 58
    American Pie says:

    When are you going to apologise to the rest of us?

  59. 59

    Good thinking, Guido, let’s have more of these…

  60. 60
    Tom Badwind says:

    Can I help ?

  61. 61
    American Pie says:

    No – never, ever encourage limericks.

  62. 62
    American Pie says:

    crap

  63. 63
    carry on up william hague says:

    up bournville avenue

  64. 64
    Ezra £ says:

    Your name is Esras’ tar backwards and I claim my $5 and a place in the loony bin.

  65. 65
    Homer says:

    There was a kind curate of Kew
    Who kept a large cat in a pew.
    He taught it each week
    A new letter of Greek;
    But it never got further than mu.

  66. 66
    Rat's arse says:

    Is it? Well I’ll go to the foot of our stairs! :)

  67. 67
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Selohesra is really Pam Ayres. I claim the bottle of Glenfiddich.

  68. 68
    AC1 says:

    Haha! Global Warming to the rescue!!

    What do you mean there’s been none for a decade, this is a computer modelled fact, it cant be wrong?!?

  69. 69
    Airey Belvoir says:

    The embattled Home Sec, Mrs May
    Is rapidly going (more) grey
    As some twats on our Borders
    Have embellished her orders
    And invited the whole world to stay.

  70. 70
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Maybe not then,
    congratulations: you’ve been binned AC1

  71. 71
    Limp Dumbs says:

    There once was an MP called Oaten
    Among Lib Dems his name is verboten
    All politicians I admit
    Are full of shit
    But for Mark a truer word has never been spoken

  72. 72
    Issy Troughing MP says:

    Well done, selohesra. You do realise that the prize is a picture of a bottle of Scotch. Guido doesn’t give these things away lightly.

  73. 73
    Rat's arse says:

    Like it!

  74. 74
    Idle says:

    Not one of them scans correctly. I can do better. Set a proper limerick compo and judge it strictly on rhyme, metre and wit.
    Yr old mate idle

  75. 75
    Ewanme says:

    Intrigued by Schrödinger’s pseudonym ,
    Plugged in the compooter an Googled ‘im .
    The whole Quantum Theory
    I finds rather dreary
    Soo , went to some site an then bashed my quim .

    E x .

  76. 76
    nell says:

    I think what you mean is that it’s a ” uea computer manipulated ‘fact’.”

  77. 77
    Cassius says:

    A overpaid Lefty called Polly
    Clung on to her Tuscan folly
    Despite all the facts
    She begged for more tax
    Until Papa blew up all her lolly

  78. 78
    Engineer says:

    Jimmy the internet troll
    Thought himself quite highly droll.
    But he made no-one smile
    With his dripping bile.
    They just wished he’d crawl down a hole.

  79. 79
    Limp Dumbs says:

    There once was a woman called Macauley
    Who took part in a fake love story
    Her hubby’s called Brown
    His face is a frown
    And he likes all the guys in Kirkcaldy

  80. 80
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! (Episode six, the Umpire strikes back) also in Cunt3DHDTV says:

  81. 81
    Engineer says:

    A jug-eared journo called Marr
    Thought his mistress was better by far.
    But it turned out the sprog
    Was a third party job;
    Seems she’d done more Miles than a car.

  82. 82
    What it should say says:

    Sports Minister Hugh Robertson writes to FIFA and says the squad will wear their poppies with pride and, if you don’t like it, stick it where the sun don’t shine.

  83. 83
    A Rapper says:

    Your wrong about “although” scanning better than “though”. To fit in “although “you have introduce a syncopated rhythm dropping a half beat on the second line which although entirely possible , differs from the original and natural cadance of the limerick.

  84. 84
    annomymous says:

    I was this } { close to winning, ( any one got a propofol opener Pes’h )

  85. 85
    A Rapper says:

    Should have read introducing a half beat to the start of the third line

  86. 86
    Anonymous says:

    There was an old slag called Ewanme
    Who was incredibly tedious

  87. 87
    Audemus Dicere says:

    So, by Rick’s calculation this (oft quoted by my late father) should be perfect, although probably not allowed in these multiculti days…

    There was a young man from Darjeeling (9)
    Who got onto a ‘bus at Ealing (9)
    The sign on the door said (6)
    “Don’t spit on the floor”, so (6)
    He stood up and spat on the ceiling. (9)

  88. 88
    Scanner to The Queen says:

    You are quite correct Bill, the “in” at the end of lines 3 &4 should not be there and the limerick should read

    There was an old Marxist called Lenin,
    Who did one or two million men in.
    That’s a lot to have done
    But where he did one
    That old Marxist Stalin did ten in.

  89. 89
    Fiscal Gerrymandering says:

    Guido – unilaterally changing the rules after closing the round JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T LIKE THE ANSWER.

    You are either a pro-Euro politician or Simon Cowell

    Neither is good

  90. 90
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    +1

  91. 91

    Delightful.

    It becomes so much more interesting when you can travel in more than one dimension of time. My belief is that one of these actually goes backwards to what we experience. What would you not give in order to go back and do something really nice that you have done again. Or perhaps, go back and reverse something you did that did not work out so well.

    One very important warning though:
    Don’t go back in time and kill your grandfather!

  92. 92
    Rick Limerfuck says:

    American Pie left a posting.
    He speaks on behalf of those hosting
    This wonderful blog
    That sees through the fog
    Of those c unts we are hating the mosting.

  93. 93
    carry on up william hague says:

    They should also be armed with sten guns and webley revolvers

  94. 94
    Or this ... says:

    There was a young lady from Ealing
    Who had a peculiar feeling
    She lay on her back
    And opened her crack
    Then piddled all over the ceiling

  95. 95

    Why don’t you get yourself a nice pseu-sod-onym? You might become much better tempered then. Live longer and enjoy life more.

  96. 96
    Verdict on Conrad Murray says:

    He’s bad and dangerous.

  97. 97
    Quantum Poetry corner says:

    The mussings of Einstein and Bhor
    Inspired Erwin Schrodinger more
    To place in a box
    A cat not a fox
    Both dead and alive on the floor

  98. 98
    carry on up william hague says:

    You arrogant banker!
    Here is a challenge incorporate the word “facile”

  99. 99
    Audemus Dicere says:

    The Member for Pompey named Hancock
    Was known to give young girls a bad shock
    When heard to say, “Princess,”
    Why don’t you just undress,
    And join my friends in Vladivostok?”

  100. 100
    Or this ... says:

    + 1000 Seconded

  101. 101
    Tachybaptus says:

    It isn’t just about counting syllables, it’s about counting stresses. You can add one or two unstressed syllables to the end of any line, and one unstressed syllable at the beginning. As an example of the first, the fine limerick that someone put up a few days ago:

    There once was a Bishop of Birmingham
    Who buggered young boys when confirming ‘em.
    To roars of applause
    He tore down their drawers
    And pumped the episcopal sperm in ‘em.

    As an example of the second, a home-made one:

    On a warm sandy beach in Belize
    Lord Prescott was taking his ease,
    With a trayful of pies
    And a bucket of fries,
    And his belly hung down to his knees.

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    There once was a fat tramp called Draper
    who was full of nothing but vapour
    He thought he was resilient
    Absolutely totally brilliant
    Though that’s not what we read in the paper

  103. 103
    Tachybaptus says:

    Oi! 5, 7, 5.

  104. 104
    There once was a girl from nantucket says:

    Dont think so Miss Ayres signature was to construct her verses so you thought the last line would end with the word “fuck”, but of course it never did.

  105. 105
    Tachybaptus says:

    Sorry, meant to be a reply to hi queue, at present 37.

  106. 106
    Moussa Koussa says:

    Oh Dear

    7 Down Stuff Guido would rather ignore

    1. May
    2. Damien “The Mole” Green gone into hiding
    3. Hacking…it’s getting closer to No 10…ohhh yes it is !!!
    4. Private Spies… Often wondered where you get your so called scoops from Guido

    5. Gidders in Tax spat
    6. Has Nick Boles emigrated, he was like cow s*hit in a field a few weeks ago
    7. Where’s Waris…The hunt continues

  107. 107
  108. 108
    Hee hee says:

    There once was a doctor called Murray
    Who wanted to make a buck in a hurry
    He’s a slimy shit
    Medically unfit
    So I’ve hired him to look after Jack Dromey

  109. 109
    Loungelizard says:

    Just to go back to the Draper post. ‘Sit in on Labour economic policy meetings’ How that work? Bit of a non starter, what economic policies

  110. 110
    nell says:

    poor old London – tented encampments in parliament square and in front of the cathedral and now another student rabble rally with the police threatening this time to use rubber bullets if it gets out of hand. Though why they can’t use water cannon instead, especially on a nice cold day like tomorrow is supposed to be, I don’t know.

    It might once have been a top tourist destination – not for much longer!

  111. 111
    Ooops...can't wait for the BBC to go into rant mode says:

    Classic line from Cameron before Liason Commitee a few minutes ago when asked by Sir Alan Beith if the St Paul’s Protesters were part of his,Cameron’s,Big Society..

    “Look I’ve always believed in people’s right to peaceful protest but I rather think it should be done on two legs and not in a tent usually in a comatose position….”

  112. 112
    hi queue says:

    I was under the impression that Billy appreciated bending the rules

  113. 113
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! (Episode six, the Umpire strikes back) also in Cunt3DHDTV says:

    Hugh Rob on sSN, quite impressive.

  114. 114

    Of the Copenhagen interpretation, perhaps,
    The many-worlds view can collapse.
    A superposition wangle
    Could then unentangle
    And wind up in objective collapse.

  115. 115
    Leroy says:

    Yo blud. Da stoodant protezt be tomorrow, yer get me? I is taking orderz now, bruv. Tell me what u want and me and me crew will get dem for u. We can only gets a limited numba of treeD plazma TVs, yer get me? First com first served, blud. And me not want any complaintz if me get u an LG TV. You get what I gives you. No garantee me can get u a Sonee or a Panafonikz TV. Brrrrrap!

  116. 116
    Ewanme says:

    Cheers , guys xx .

    Jus come back from The T e l e g r a p h .

    There ain’t nothin happenin there neither .

    E x .

  117. 117
    A bloke of a certain age says:

    I once read a twitter from Sarah
    Who thought such a tactic would pay her
    To name drop and boast
    Her husbands now toast
    Her twatting is now so much rarer

  118. 118
    Selohesra says:

    The challenge to incorporate facile
    Made me stop & think for a while
    My mind went quite blank
    So I stopped for a wank
    And produced this in Limerick style

  119. 119
    Leroy says:

    Yo blud. Da stoodant protezt be tomorrow, yer get me? I is taking orderz now, bruv. Tell me what u want and me and me crew will get dem for u. We can only gets a limited numba of treeD plazma TVs, yer get me? First com first served, blud. And me not want any complaintz if me get u an LG TV. You get what I gives you. No garantee me can get u a Sonee or a Panafonikz. Brrrrrap!

  120. 120
    Rick Limerfuck says:

    You’re just being silly now.

  121. 121
    nell says:

    Congrats by the way to selohesra – absolutely no good at limericks.

    Couldn’t we have something with a bit more class like a Haiku which traditionally has 3 syllable lines of 5 7 5 or 5 7 6
    eg
    The Euro is crashing
    Berlusconni is going
    Watch Cameron decline.

  122. 122

    OK, that decoherence one was from the dead cat, this is the other Verschränkung interpretation:

    Of the Copenhagen interpretation, perhaps,
    The many-worlds view can prolapse.
    A superposition wangle
    Could then unentangle
    And wind up in objective collapse.

  123. 123
    nell says:

    Hmm sorry not quite right – first line needs to read

    Euro is crashing

  124. 124

    You probably have not thoroughly examined all the available dimensions.

    SC x

  125. 125
    Heretic says:

    ‘just roll over that plain four’
    i will aim for the wet spot !

  126. 126
    Seb coe's a cunt says:

    Absolutely no idea what that is.

  127. 127
    The Young Bloke From Nantucket says:

    At PMQ Dave takes a hammerin’
    Which flusters our old Mr. Cameron
    In response to some calls
    Shadow Chancellor Balls
    Said, I think I can help with his stammerin’

  128. 128
    WORLD AT WAR ! says:

    Lochnagar ?

  129. 129

    The whole is not more than the sum of its parts in the Nash Equilibrium.

  130. 130
    Jimmy says:

    Ok, so he’s not the worst.

  131. 131
    Adlof Hilter says:

    JESUS H CHRIST why didn’t i think of that !! ich bin eine arsche !

  132. 132
    Turnip watch says:

    Nell that was pish, absolutely nothing rhymes or scans, abysmal effort, jeez

  133. 133
    A Einstein says:

    This Nigerian ‘security’ guard is really getting off on his
    own brand of ME !!!!

  134. 134
    A Einstein says:

    MEMEMEME !!!!!!!!

  135. 135
    carry on up william hague says:

    ehehehhe
    enjoy getting pissed

  136. 136
    Audemus Dicere says:

    Albert says, “God, He does not play dice”
    “With the Universe. That wouldn’t be nice.”
    “You would have to reject,”
    “Laws of cause and effect.”
    “Erwin’s cat should just stick to his mice”

  137. 137
    Quantum Poetry Corner says:

    Though Einstein was not so impressed
    T’was Aspect who put to the test
    Those photons in pairs
    Entangled affairs
    And Bells inequality rests

  138. 138
    A Bloke of a Certain Age says:

    Theresa Dismay more like !

  139. 139
    Engineer says:

    I know I’m not.

  140. 140
    A Bloke of a Certain Age says:

    There once was an umpire called Billy
    Whos spelling was often quite silly
    He spent all his day
    Just posting away
    And playing around with his willy

  141. 141
    Editors choice says:

    No no no it would read far better thus

    There once was a Bishop from Brum’
    Who buggered young boys up the bum
    To roars of applause
    He tore down their drawers
    And pumped the episcopal cum

  142. 142
    Audemus Dicere says:

    Darn! QPS got in first with his reference to Aspect. Here’s another:

    A young Frenchman called Alain Aspect
    Sought to prove ‘spooky’ cause and effect
    An experiment he made
    With entanglement he played
    And classical physics he wrecked.

  143. 143
    Audemus Dicere says:

    QPS? I meant QPC of course!

  144. 144
    Jimmy says:

    Of course you may be right but what a depressing thought.

  145. 145
    Tachybaptus says:

    Do you think it’s one of those self-abbreviating limericks like

    There was a young curate of Salisbury
    Whose conduct was quite halisbury-scalisbury.
    He ran about Hampshire
    Without any pampshire
    Till his bishop compelled him to walisbury.

    (For the unenlightened, the abbreviations are Sarum and Hants.)

  146. 146
    Engineer says:

    Not to me.

    However, if you’re depressed by it, I’ll chalk it up as a result.

  147. 147
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Well I never, that’s disgusting. What would Jesus do?

  148. 148
    Anonymous says:

    A youn lady from the Azores
    Had a minge that was covered in sores
    The dogs in the street
    Snapped at the green meat
    That hung in festoons from her draws

  149. 149
    Anonymous says:

    There once was an old man from Kent
    Whos todger was whithered and bent
    To save time and trouble
    He put it in double
    But instead of cumming he went

  150. 150
    Anonymous says:

    There was a young girl from Greens Norton
    Who had one long tit and one short un
    But to make up for that
    She had a huge twat
    And could fart like a 500 Norton

  151. 151
    kleegish says:

    Imagine he may have wondered if you would go for the American pronunciation “fass-le” and take the easy way out.

  152. 152
    Anonymous says:

    Dave don’t you hear what were saying
    Here’s the cause of these immigrants staying
    They think “Dont be a burke
    Why the fuck should we work
    When the benefit system keeps paying

  153. 153
    Just finishing this fag says:

    lol @ 7.19

  154. 154
    Spartacus says:

    And you claim your five pounds ?

  155. 155
    Last try says:

    My little ditty was deleted 3 times – not sure why it is not permissible to mock Billy on this site unless Billy is in fact an employee of the site.

  156. 156
    4th time lucky says:

    There once was a pe do called Billy
    Whose comments were always very silly
    He claimed he was bent
    In fact he really meant
    he played in a booth with his willy

  157. 157
    graham smith says:

    these are mere limerickial failures
    which would turn a real limericker sick

    and to see them so heartily hailed as
    needs to be remedied quick

    their adjective incompetence
    their dyfunctional nonsense

    makes the judge a glenfiddich soaked prick

  158. 158
    Todd Wells says:

    A shifty politician called Balls
    Considered the electorate a bunch of fools
    He advocated massive debt
    So Gordon’s spending could be met
    Resulting in his Governments fall

  159. 159
    annomymous says:

    At your disposal, hollow point ammunition, now Legal

  160. 160
    Chuka Umunna says:

    “People compare me to Barack Obama, but I’m not Barack Obama” – Chuka Umunna in a Channel 4 showcase of Labour PPCs, just before I vomited all over my television.


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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