November 1st, 2011

+ + + GDP: 0.5 + + +


122 Comments

  1. 1
    Op Timmy Mist says:

    Better than nothing.

  2. 2
    Tuscan Tony says:

    0.5 what – pints?

  3. 3
    dads for two aircraft carriers says:

    Better than expected but most of that will be QE, no?

  4. 4
    Chuka says:

    Mine’s 12″, as Luciana will confirm.

  5. 5
    6EQUJ5 says:

    @ Nell. Απάντησα με ένα σχόλιό σας για το νήμα χθες το βράδυ, αλλά ήταν modded.

    Πρόκειται για μια υπέρτατη πράξη της δημοκρατίας και του πατριωτισμού για τους ανθρώπους να κάνουν τη δική τους απόφαση …. Έχουμε καθήκον να προωθήσει το ρόλο και την ευθύνη του πολίτη. ”

    Αυτό είναι ένα «αρχηγοί κερδίζω, Γράμματα χάνεις» δήλωση του κ. Παπανδρέου. Αν ο λαός ψηφίζει για να απορρίψει το ευρώ πακέτο που αμέσως σε πτώχευση, μάλλον θα πρέπει να εγκαταλείψουν το ευρώ και να πάει πίσω σε μια υποτίμηση σχεδόν άνευ αξίας Δρχ.

    Εάν δέχονται το ευρώ πακέτο θα υποστούν σοβαρή λιτότητας μέχρι το 2020 ότι θα δούμε τους Έλληνες στην ίδια θέση που ήταν το 2010.

    Παπανδρέου είναι το πλύσιμο μόνο τα χέρια του από αυτό το καταστροφικό πρόβλημα και εξακολουθούν να παραμένουν στην εξουσία.

    Ψήφισα κατά του δημοψηφίσματος το 1975 και θα κάνει το ίδιο και πάλι εάν τους δινόταν η ευκαιρία να ψηφίσουν για να αφήσει την Ευρωπαϊκή Ένωση.
    Η ψηφοφορία για ένταξη στην ΕΕ ήταν ένα ηχηρό 2 – 1 για ακόμη μετά από 36 χρόνια δεν έχω γνωρίσει κανέναν που ψήφισαν για αυτό.

    Η καταστροφή του ευρώ και της ΕΕ θα είναι μια καταστροφή σε παγκόσμιο επίπεδο, αλλά πολύ χειρότερα για 500 εκατομμύρια ανθρώπους στην Ευρώπη.

  6. 6
    6EQUJ5 says:

    This is for nell, put it into google translate. It continues to be modded.

  7. 7
    Sophie says:

    If only we had some Conservatives in the Coalition Government.

  8. 8
    Antipo-dean says:

    I knew things were bad, but GDP of 50p?

  9. 9
    Billy Bowden is the world's greatest umpire! says:

    Sack the conservative led coalition,this is a disgrace.

    Give Ed Miliband and Ed Balls a chance

  10. 10
    Double Diamond says:

    Only southern poofters drink half pints.

  11. 11
    Desperate Dan says:

    Better than expected by the BBC doomsayers.

  12. 12
    Albert Hall says:

    What about northern tosspots?

  13. 13
    Sophie says:

    Whilst Ed Balls remains on the front bench Labour has no economic credibility what so ever.

  14. 14
    Blaster Bates says:

    Construction down by 0.6%.

    Does that mean Demolition has gone up by 0.6%?

  15. 15
    Well it's a thought says:

    The only chance I would give those two, is to go down the dole office and try and get a real job.

  16. 16
    Steve Miliband says:

    Not deep enough, not fast enough

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    Is GDP adjusted for inflation? Only real number is people on dole, rest are not worth the paper its written on.

  18. 18
    genghiz the kahn says:

    George Osborne will be looking for the Shower of Shit over Cheshire.

  19. 19
    Tom Baldwin's Liebour Ajax supplier says:

    Balls and Millimong, the Guardian and BBBC……

    Not Happy…how could this truth come out and be better than expected…we wanted to talk down the economy all day…..now we will have to talk about prezza’s credit card bill instead!

  20. 20
    Outdoor Sanitation says:

    I’ts Pisspots Albert. But there aren’t so many around these days now that the northerners have copied the southerners and shit and piss inside the house instead of outside.

  21. 21
    Gordon Brown says:

    Is that better than 0%? I’m fucking clueless at economics me.

  22. 22
    Steve Miliband says:

    Well at least it’ll stop Balls doing that ridiculous ‘flat lining’ imitation at PMQ’s like a demented umpire (billy)

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    QE will take time, so its not QE. As thing are 0.5% is good but too good to believe.

  24. 24
    Everyone back on the bus says:

    Sky news very disappointed at better than expected figures. Newsreader gave the game away in pursuit of a story when she said that the figures will be regraded downwards in the coming days.

  25. 25
    Henry Crun says:

    Balls was wanking himself into a frenzy over the weekend in the hope that the GDP announcement would be in negative figures.

    Once again he shows himself to be the student of the financial mastermind that is Gordon Brown.

  26. 26
    Blaster Bates says:

    Too late, I did the latrine job last Wednesday

  27. 27
  28. 28
    Helen Boaden, BBC Senior Comrade says:

    Sh1t! … growth! We’ll have to re-edit all the tory-bashing tripe we were going to serve up to the proles tonight… oh well, we can wheel out the usual useful idiots like Will Hutton to say that growth is nasty and we should borrow more to pay back all the debt. That should do the job.

  29. 29
    Nick & The LibDemBellends says:

    We need to go deeper and faster into the EU, it’s a must for no brainers like us.

  30. 30
    Ed Balls, Shallow Chancer says:

    Oh no it won’t !!!!

  31. 31
    Head of ONS (partial to caring for young boys) says:

    Nominal output up 0.5%, inflation 5-10%, real output up -4.5 – -9.5%. Bugger!

    Nominal output up 0.5%, inflation decelarator 0%, real output up 0.5%! Happy Days!

    That alright, Dave?

  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    The bank came under fire from leading analysts as it included a £559m gain from “hedging activities” in its financial results that meant the bank’s profits for the three months to the end of September came in ahead of City forecasts at £1.3bn.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/banksandfinance/8861038/Barclays-profits-blasted-as-tricks-by-City-analysts.html

  33. 33
    Ed white stick Balls says:

    Okay okay. Ivé gone blind

  34. 34
    John Prescott says:

    I’ve only had seventy six fried breakfasts this morning.

  35. 35
    Ed Balls says:

    We’ll ask Postie

  36. 36
    Joss Taskin says:

    Put it on the Taxpayers’ credit card again ???

  37. 37
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Pretty much as expected – what was interesting (as per Jeremy Warner’s article in the Telegraph this mornning) was that there was some re-balancing away from domestic consumption to results of net trade. This is to be expected with a depreciating currency but had not been observed up until now.

    Any minor pieces of good news are likely to be swamped however by the crisis engulfing the Eurozone (and it is in things like net trade figures that the economic fortunes in Europe are really important as opposed to membership of the Euro). I would expect a further slow down in Q4 as domestic consumption has stalled.

  38. 38
    Another Engineer says:

    Thus spreading contaminated aerosols throughout the house.

    En suite is a terrible idea.

  39. 39
    BBC Auditor says:

    We were told it would be 0.2% and so told the Toady Programme and the NEW extended World at One radio programmes amongst others.
    We need to seriously look at the quality of our paid informers in Westminster.

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    Who are we borrowing from? Bank of England own 25% of government debt, with £75bn QE it will be around 30%. Its not borrowing its printing money.

  41. 41
    M says:

    Give Prezza another credit card , that’ll boost government spending in the economy and no need for any more QE

  42. 42
    Boris B says:

    This is all lies as he was only my Political Godfather and now I owe him nothing.

  43. 43
    Ah! Monika says:

    Notice there is no Greek word for modded

  44. 44
    Gonk says:

    He’s written a book you know. How the hell he
    found the time while occupied with mismanaging
    the Work foundation is a mystery.

  45. 45
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

  46. 46
    Gordon Brown says:

    I would have created 10 billions of percentage growth in Public Sectorism

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    If you believe the UK is growing you will believe any thing. Osborne’s plan could have worked if the rest of the world is growing but its not.

  48. 48
    Steve Miliband says:

    Seem to remember 2008/2009 was -7.4% when we had that minor financial blip. Who was in Govt again?

  49. 49
    Can see services growing. says:

    Lawyers defending the Dale Farm gypsies have been handed £6million of taxpayers’ money in just five years, it emerged today.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2055983/Dale-Farm-lawyers-scoop-MASSIVE-6m-taxpayers-money-fund-gypsies-legal-battle.html#ixzz1cRkky7ay

  50. 50
    Ed Miliband says:

    There must be something fundamentally wrong, when the ex postie I hired knew far more about real world economics than the ex economist who now works for me.

  51. 51
    Sir Barringtoin Minge says:

    That should keep Balls quiet for a bit longer

  52. 52
    Gordon Brown says:

    I eat crayons.

  53. 53
    Selohesra says:

    Double Diamond was horrid, fizzy, tasteless keg rubbish – even half a pint would be too much

  54. 54
    Samuel Langhorne Clemens says:

    There are lies, there are damned lies, and then there are statistics…

  55. 55
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Oulton Park construction.

  56. 56
    its only money says:

    Sure, throw another billion away to appease the Lib Dems….

  57. 57
    Union man says:

    Pies are all right but it’s the tax payer that feeds me.

  58. 58
    The BBC Bias Unit, headcount 14,253 and rising says:

    “Growth has stalled to 0.5% – much lower than the, er, higher figure that we of course were predicting earlier, whatever it was. However, if you subtract the figure 1, say, from this, this leaves the figure at -0.5% and thus the British economy in a RECESSION – YES, EVERYBODY, RECESSION, YIPPEE.

    For an official Government statement, we now go over to Future Prime Minister Ed Milliband. Mister Milliband, good morning.

    Oy, vey.

    First of all, congratulations on being elected Prime Minister…”

  59. 59
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Ah. That takes you back – Double Diamond.

    And to think we used to drink that horse’s piss and enjoy it. Even nostalgia can’t make it seem good!

  60. 60
    AC1 says:

    That was the last time the ONS was allowed to tell the truth.

    Nearly all the growth is a debt-mirage.

  61. 61
    Ed Balls says:

    Yep, firemen, nurses, dustmen the police and an army of government pen pushers……the true wealth creators of this country!

  62. 62
    Helen Boaden, BBC Senior Comrade says:

    We borrow it from the Magic Money Tree and invest it in the sustainable economy – you know, wind farms, solar panel manufacturers, electric car dealerships, carbon capture & storage etc.

    We have to rebalance the economy away from 11% financial services/50% state spending towards more err.. state spending, else there’ll have to be job cuts to essential services …mumble.. sustainable.. blather… fair, progressive… dribble sputter.

  63. 63
    Watney's Red Barrel says:

    What’s the pointof going abroad if you’re just another tourist carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Coventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, complaining about the tea – “Oh they don’t make it properly here, do they, not like at home” – and stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney’s Red Barrel and calamares and two veg and sitting in their cotton frocks squirting Timothy White’s suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh ‘cos they “overdid it on the first day.”

  64. 64
    Billy Bowden is the world's greatest umpire! says:

    David Cameron is simply a lying bastard time the media reflected it…he has nothing to offer!

  65. 65
    Historical fact says:

    In my day a pisspot was called a gazunda (the bed)

  66. 66
    Eee Uuu, the last evil empire says:

    Not much but enough to pay for a few more spongers.

  67. 67
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    What does litlle millibonce know about grown-ups stuff, Shouldn’t he be on Alan Sugar’s junior apprentice?

  68. 68
    Helen Boaden, BBC Senior Comrade says:

    No problem – I’m on it… Tonight’s analysis package:

    1. Tell’em what Blinky just said
    2. Get Will Hutton on to tell’em what Blinky just said
    3. Re-run the “bosses award themselves 49% pay hike” line
    4. 15.8 second rebuttal from the most useless, incoherent tory we can find to misquote.
    5. Cut to St Paul’s to hear the vopice of the people.

    Job’s a good’un!

  69. 69
    Hugh Janus says:

    And here’s proof (as if any were needed) that QE is merely printing money:

  70. 70

    Don’t take the piss out of Double Diamond. It needed all the flavour it could get.

  71. 71

    Dr Richard Chartres appears to be yet another overfed, Grauniad reading, BBC loving, sky fairy worshiping man in a purple frock.

  72. 72
    Historical fact says:

    They have been talking down economies all over the place all day by continually highlighting all those little red arrows. The bird presenting it (Sally is here now with..etc) must have wet underwear by now as she’s been on for the past few hours..

  73. 73

    Dr Richard Chartres appеars to be yet another overfed, Grauniad reading, BBC loving, sky fairy worshiping man in a purple frock.

  74. 74
    Someone with twitter please twat him says:

    johnprescott John Prescott
    I’ve been asked to stand-in for Paul Routledge’s Mirror column this week. Lots to write about but what would you like me to raise?

  75. 75
    Errors and corrections says:

    Should read

    ‘We need to seriously look at the equality of our paid informers in Westminster.’

  76. 76
    Anonymous says:

    wind farms, solar panel manufacturers, electric car dealerships, carbon capture & storage etc; worse is all manufactured outside UK.

  77. 77

    Μην φανταστείτε ότι οι λίρες θα ξεφύγει πρόβλημα. Έχουμε δανειστεί πάρα πολύ.

  78. 78
    Gerry says:

    No real growth then. Flatline in the country time to turn off the life saving machinery in the Tory party. No growth for almost 2 year. If Osbornes medicine was working we would have a growth on a par with germany or France, not Greece.

    Time to resign George,

  79. 79
    Helen Boaden, BBC Senior Comrade says:

    So, so negative. If you want to destroy the wealth of the bourgeoisie and really allow the workers to liberate us all, then printing money is absolutely the best way. It worked for Lenin didn’t it?

  80. 80
    BBC News says:

    Sorry but we’re waiting for a story about Lord Ashcroft.

  81. 81
    Vince Cable's rucksack says:

    Vince ‘has nothing to say’ today. Quote.

  82. 82
    Sir William Waad says:

    These figures are very small, subject to error and only measure proxies rather than actual economic activity. They are not much use.

  83. 83

    … and some considerable way further down the line was the former Chancellor of the Exchequer even more formerly known as Prudence.

  84. 84
    Sir William Waad says:

    Senior clergy are always a bit embarrassing. Give me a parish priest any day.

  85. 85
    jabbathecat says:

    Wasn’t DD mangled to death by Watneys?

  86. 86
    Ed 'Bully-Boy' Bollox says:

    Bugger.

  87. 87
    Ed Miliband says:

    Does anyone want to know what I think? Please? Will somebody play with me please?

  88. 88
    6EQUJ5 says:

    You are so right cat, wait for protectionism to kick in too, the septics have have already started.

  89. 89
    Vince Cable's rucksack says:

    Tories not been in Govt for two years! Labour has much to answer for ….

  90. 90

    He had only got to page 3 of his book when he unfortunately fell into the water.

  91. 91
    Polly Seewonk says:

    Sorry to hear that but on the bright side, providing she doesn’t talk, you’ll be able to imagine your wife is:
    a – some sexy tart
    b – enjoying it.

    Will we be hearing the pitter-patter of little Balls?

  92. 92
    jabbathecat says:

    Όλα αυτά είναι απλώς βάσεις για το στρατιωτικό πραξικόπημα που πρόκειται να ακολουθήσει, όπως δεν υπήρξε σφαγή των Ελλήνων κομμουνιστών για πάρα πολύ καιρό.

  93. 93

    Dr Richard Chartres should be relegated to canon.

    And then fired.

  94. 94
    Jackass Straw says:

    Maths never was my strong point.

  95. 95
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    You were lucky. We didn’t have a pot to piss in.

  96. 96
    Psychiatrist says:

    Is that before or after pushing them up your rectum?

  97. 97
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Double Diamond didn’t need help – it was piss poor to start with.

  98. 98

    Πού είναι το νέο Λασκαρίνα Μπουμπουλίνα;

  99. 99
    Duty Pedant says:

    Gosh Billy, your spelling has improved enormously in the past few minutes, although the punctuation is still poor…..

  100. 100
    D Milimong says:

    CBeebies nearer the mark.

  101. 101
    jabbathecat says:

    Bit a toty for ya lads…

  102. 102
    They're all the same says:

    Economics is easy really. Produce,sell, buy, invest; Produce,sell, buy, invest.
    Take out one item then your stuffed

  103. 103
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Αυτό είναι ακριβώς μια συνωμοσία για να μας στερήσει ιδρυτές της δημοκρατίας από τα θεμελιώδη δικαιώματα μας για να περάσετε όσο μας αρέσει στην πιστωτική κάρτα τους Γερμανούς »και να αποσυρθούν εγκαίρως για να έχουν μια μακρά, αλλά και άξιζε τη συνταξιοδότηση.

  104. 104

    Watneys? Don’t start me. It’s what I used to drink when I was at school in Ealing. You did not get drunk, just flatulent. No wonder I attained nothing educationally.

  105. 105
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    لماذا هناك الكثير من التمييز ضد أتباع الإسلام. ويجري استثنينا عمدا من المفاوضات حول مستقبل اليورو.

  106. 106
  107. 107
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Are the green ones still the best?

  108. 108
  109. 109
    Babewatch UK says:

    Bit overdressed, isn’t she?

  110. 110
    Babewatch UK says:

    ho ho

  111. 111
    Handycock no1 Trougher in Parliament says:

    I would like one too. It would also be good for international relations as I would be spending a lot of the money in Eastern Europe.

  112. 112
    Milton Freidman says:

    While anyone from the Labour Party sits on their front bench, they have no economic credibility whatsoever.

  113. 113
    Titford Hat says:

    Μαλάκας!

  114. 114
    Gordon Brown says:

    They would have if I came back to sit on the front bench. I saved the world, you know, from economic devatstation.

  115. 115
    Titford Hat says:

    Harsh but fair.

  116. 116
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    Translation:

    The Euro is toast.

  117. 117
    Helen Boaden, BBC Senior Comrade says:

    Bugger! Sky just asked Blinky which way the Greeks should vote!!!!

    He can hardly recommend 10 years of austerity for them and demand plan B from the Tories… I mean, that would be just absurd, right?

    How the hell am I supposed to spin this rubbish?

  118. 118
    Fish says:

    Seriously close to zero Labour’s Newsnight reported last night, with more bad news on the way. Krusty Wark seemed to have a real spring in her step.

    Those CEBR figures, though, that they used to show that Osborne might not erradicate the deficit in two years (forgetting to mention that he always said that that target neeeded to be flexible) didn’t plot what the decifit reduction timeline would be under Balls-up’s Plan B.

  119. 119
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    this is not good news for the bBC at least

  120. 120
    He's Spartacus says:

    GDP figures are government perpetrated fraud.

    100% of government spending goes to the bottom line. Prudence used this to disastrous effect.

    http://reason.com/archives/2011/05/10/ugly-modeling

  121. 121
    Wanna bet? says:

    Fuckers been all over Beeb radio today

  122. 122
    Oliver Reed says:

    Who remembers Titbread Wankard?


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