October 19th, 2011

Spooks Say Hancock Blonde Was a Spook

“Officer ZZ” of MI5, named in court as “Louise”, told Katia Zatuliveter’s extradition tribunal that she believed the Russian Intelligence Services had instructed the young blonde to seduce the aged LibDem pervert Mike Hancock, as he was easily susceptible to the age old trick.

Here’s a fun Guido fact for you: Hancock gives every girl he sleeps with a House of Commons shop teddy bear and calls it Mike. Form an orderly queue ladies…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Why would a fit bird hang around and sleep with 9mindbleach) hancock?

  2. 2
    Popeye says:

    Oh goody goody!

  3. 3
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Apologies Guido

    But should this not have a “Totty Watch” tag?

    >Runs for cover…………….

  4. 4
    Ramrod says:

    He’s a disgrace and needs to be sacked immediately and stripped of his pension rights before being charged with high treason.

    But what of MI5, how come they didn’t spot this for so long?

  5. 5

    I imagine that his good looks, wit & charm are the big attractions… of course, by good looks, wit & charm, I mean salary & expenses, courtesy of the taxpayer.

  6. 6

    A bear for a bare all.
    Seems fair.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Katia Zatuliveter, 26, also had a string of affairs or ‘flirtations’ with other political figures including a Nato official and a Dutch diplomat.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2050528/Katia-Zatuliveter-Russian-spy-used-affair-Lib-Dem-MP-Mike-Hancock.html#ixzz1bEzyUl7y

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    Hope Russian didn’t send men after Fox and Adam!

  9. 9
    Calamity Clegg says:

    Let’s be serious !! How much do FibDems know really about anything ??

  10. 10
    katia later says:

    I do appreciate well preserved members in the H.o.C

  11. 11
    Here and Now says:

    Whatever Handycock’s faults he’s clearly got something that many co-conspirators are jealous of… can’t for the life of me work out what it is though.

  12. 12
    frog says:

    I find it hard to believe that any woman actually wants to get naked and hop into bed with Hancock?

  13. 13
    I'll have some of that..... says:

    We’d like to send Zatuliveter back to Russia – but we can’t, because – and I’m not making this up – she’s got a Teddy Bear…….

  14. 14
    George Osborne says:


  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    I am surprised she didn’t catch a Tory in her net as well!

  16. 16
    anon says:

    Has she broken them all off?

  17. 17
    Bill Ericky says:

    Access to cheap Teddy Bears?

  18. 18
    Mike Hunt says:

    He leaves a bear behind.

  19. 19
    Old Rob says:

    I hope they award her a medal. Lord knows she’s earned it!

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    So was he shagging the spook while he was mong fondling and upsetting teenagers?

  21. 21
    Nigel Mansell says:

    We’d like to send the albanian murderer back- but we can’t, because – and I’m not making this up – she’s got a teddy bear.

  22. 22
    tory boys never grow up says:

    If we are to deport people on the basis of Security Officer’s suspicions then I think we need to start to get worried about our legal processes.

    On a more serious level perhaps a few questions should be asked about the decision to deport Mikel and Nina Malyshev back to Uzbekistan where there is a good chance that they will be tortured if past form is anything to go by – see here for further details


    On the other hand the Govt. perhaps places higher value on maintaining good relations with President Karimov, despite his unfortunate habit of boiling his opponents.

  23. 23
    BillyBob... says:

    Chop off ‘is knob the knob…..

    Then lock the b*st’rd up for treason !!

  24. 24
    BillyBob... says:

    A bear faced liar perhaps?

  25. 25
    it's gordons fault says:

    maybe we should do a deal if Luguvoi does the polonium trick on made mike we can let him off

  26. 26
    BillyBob... says:

    All’s bear in love and war ?

  27. 27
    Mrs Brown's boys says:

    The dirty b@stard.

  28. 28
    BillyBob... says:

    One bearly noticed his treasonable behaviour….

  29. 29
    BillyBob... says:

    Send the buggers back !!

  30. 30
    Here and Now says:

    I think I’m going to try this teddy bear thing and see if it works… does it have to be HoC teddy bears though?

  31. 31
    friend of Izzy Fox says:

    Can’t figure why she didn’t approach me, in the closet.

  32. 32
  33. 33
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    They should have got themselves a cat.

  34. 34
    Paddington says:

    As long as the teddy is bear I think.

  35. 35
    Anonymous says:

    How did she miss our Boris? He is part of CORBRA.

  36. 36
    AC1 says:

    How much have you contributed towards the cost of them living in the U.K.?

    Asylum should be funded by charity ONLY, not enough money raised? Tough.

  37. 37
    Mornington Crescent says:

    And if we are not to deport people on the basis of a “former” (i.e. failed) Ambassador’s suspicions then I think we need to start to get fucking terrified about our legal processes.

  38. 38
    Him of Canerbury says:

    All together now, sing, ‘Jesu thy cross-eyed bear.’

  39. 39
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I wonder if they tried the same with Gordon????

  40. 40
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    I don’t think Handycock took much “seduction”, he tries to fuck anything with a pulse and the IQ of a lemon. I just hope poor Katia scrubs her minge out with carbolic. The things the poor girl has to do for Mother Russia.

  41. 41
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    There needs to be a full investigation of this nasty little man.

  42. 42
    bergen says:

    Perhaps they ensured that the old fool was given a load of cobblers masquerading as official papers that his gorgeous,pouting assistant could pass on to brother Ivan.Or perhaps not…

  43. 43
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    There are some things which even the FSB can’t get its people to do. Even they have limits.

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    cameron is toast now at the next election after the 3 line whip opposing the commons eu vote.

    make no mistake, he is a dead man walking trust me!

  45. 45
    Gary Glitter says:

    Hmm. An old man luring a young girl into bed with gifts of teddy bears.

    I taught Mike Hancock everything he knows (although i use sweets).

  46. 46
    Lolita says:

    I find him strangely attractive.

  47. 47
    AC1 says:

    >he’s clearly got something that many co-conspirators are jealous of

    Our money.

  48. 48
    Engineer says:

    Neo-Guido must be brassed off. Wore the mantle of Tory Bear for years, but instead of getting is leg over a sexy blonde, all he got was a job as Guido’s gofer.

    Can’t win ‘em all!

  49. 49
    Engineer says:

    It’s all the free alcohol. It’s a very effective preservative.

  50. 50
    mhayworth says:

    No wonder the Lib Dems love the human rights act. They use it to protect their own perverts.

  51. 51
    tory boys never grow up says:

    I suspect his information about what is going on in Uzbekistan is rather more accurate than yours – and it is certainly corroborated by what Amnesty International says abouit the state of human rights there. Of course you and others don’t really understand that we have long established obligations in respect of asylum seekers – not all of whom are economic migrants despite what you might think. Even the thickest of Tories usually understand that some asylum seekers are “genuine” rather than “bogus”.

  52. 52
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Neo seems like a nice chap, always polite :-)

  53. 53
    Engineer says:

    MI5 are a funny lot. They might have been stringing her along hoping to ‘turn’ her. Can’t imagine how allowing her to share Hancock’s bed would help that plan, though.

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Looks like only way to get a job is to find an MP who wants to fuck you.

  55. 55
    Sex Starved Spastic says:

    Mee too… strangely…. yummmmmm!

  56. 56
    I'm getting on with the job says:

    Waiter. There’s a beard in my soup

    That’ll be 5 shekels, sir. Oi vey!

  57. 57
    Sensible says:

    Personally, I have no problem with supporting refugees. My probem is with the gross failure of the government to send back all the ones who are not refugees and the ridiculous way the definition of a refugee has been expanded over the years to include all sorts of people who have nothing to really fear if they return home – other than having to live in some crappy country we are also spending ring-fenced tax money as foreign aid on ‘developing’.

  58. 58
    Appalled Constituent says:

    Handycock as victim of a honey trap? You have got to be joking. He has been on the pull ever since he was a lad – more so since entering public life. Not stopped even after all this hoo-ha – seen picking up a young girl student just before midnight from her flat in Southsea only days ago. His behaviour has been disgraceful for years and years. He has got away with it so far only because of very high level protection from his friends (Brothers?) in the Police, at the corrupt City Council and even within the Law – not to mention protection provided by the heavy gang of Portsmouth ‘businessmen’ and their henchmen.

  59. 59
    Counter Intelligence says:

    Aye, there’s nowt as queer as spooks

  60. 60
    HRH the Director General. says:

    We don’t do labels at the BBC and we don’t stigmatise. If I was to label the liberal democrats a party of sleazy, traitorous beardies, well that would be plain wrong. Of course, these rules don’t apply to Tories. I’m sure we all agree.

  61. 61
    The Paragnostic says:

    Simon Hughes and his amazing dancing bear?

  62. 62
    The Economy Stupid says:

    Gosh, do they still have ‘businessmen’ in Portsmouth? Last time I went through there the place looked like a ghost town.

  63. 63
    The Paragnostic says:

    May I invite you to visit KhatmanduAldershot?

    We’ve got Nepalese up to our ears here, and there is a severe housing shortage. No problem with looking after the Gurkhas, but surely they can’t all want to live here? GP practices are overstretched, most of the incomers seem to speak no English whatsoever – and at one local school, 75% of this years intake were Nepalese. It’ll all blow up sooner or later, and like the river Tiber… (cont p.94: Ed.)

  64. 64
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Now, no fighting ladies please, it could be the Dishonourable Teddy Bears Picnickers.

  65. 65
    The Lord Chief Justice says:

    You are quite right. We should not send them back.

    Hang them here and save the airfare.

  66. 66
    Jess The Dog says:

    Hancock’s nose has been up the Russian posterior for decades. He has been on the Defence Select Committee since 1999. He was on the Russia Committee before being kicked off for being too “pro-Moscow” over Putin and he has bizarre views on Armenia. It would be interesting to trawl through the written questions of *other* Defence Committee members, to compare them.

    I bet his researcher is the latest in a long line of “researchers”, and there is a well-trodden path between Hancock’s office and Kensington Palace Gardens.

  67. 67
    tory boys never grow up says:

    Looks like a bar room somewhere has lost its bigot. Please return ASAP.

  68. 68
    kleegish says:

    No– unfortunately this unsavoury bit of biz doesn’t involve male bare behinds. That was last week’s news.

  69. 69
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    Loan sharking, protection, fake ciggies, it’s all beezneez innit?

  70. 70
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    A funny bunch, the Lib Dems. At least no dog has had to die this time.

  71. 71
    not a machine says:

    I dont know if a HOC teddy is an inncoent gift , or a message that the libs are pro a cuddle at night , tinker tailor soldier teddy !

    Who was dr fox looking across the chamber at when he said personal motives

    re CAP I appreciate and support what our many small farms do , the milk business being the current long running challenge , which has sent many out of business .small farms are good keep local communities going and often run in ways which do a lot for wildlife . The way I see CAP now is that crops are increasingly being used for non food or feedstock purposes , this should work in pushing dairy/beef back onto hill farms where CAPs role is perhaps most obvious . Our agricultural production is essential , given the new roles for land use in agriculture , surely we should be at a stage where unproductive land is a thing of the past , indeed idle land is somthing one may not expect to see in the future , which perhaps suggests market suppliments rather than CAP payments is the way it will be heading . More sustainable methods of farming should have better eco fits .
    The idea of small farms doing more of the dairy products is a good example of how it could work better , indeed local creamerys and cheese makers , offers some good rural employment oppertunites , leaving big dairy farms to do bulk milk where the supply chain is more critical , the question how ever is how much encouragement and suport/stability the government can do to ensure markets make best use of the land in a supply sense ?? We have centurys of knowledge of land ustilisation , so it shouldnt be that difficult .
    Increasing food production I am pleased is now being viewed as having some antiinflationary necessity , the tension is perhaps in crops for energy and crops for animal feed (importing animal feed isnt necessarily anti inflationary) there is also the planning for timber , somthing that may have increased future use .
    I have always been opposed to developement on land that has an agricutural use because , you can always show it is feeding somthing else and having an ecnomic contribution, and I am acutley aware of the loss of pasture , that feeds non food/energy rural business .this type of land is exactly the type of land that the planning reforms could deem to be built upon , denying people of hobbies and related trades eg saddlers of business . It is my view that we should grow things , we already have some countires experienceing food losses and that precarious situation will continue as the global population passes 6bn and onto 7bn . We can now use food surplusess differently , but will it not be crime if countries that have realiable food growing climates , are unable to provide the food surplusses when food shortages in more climate unstable parts of the world happens ??? The planning bill makes no consideration of the impact of taking productive land out of the economy , and the land intended to build upon is useually that which can be mechanically farmed and not some wind swept hillside in the middle of nowwhere .
    It is not unreasonable to point out the loss of land for agricultural use is somthing of a one way ticket , as you cannot farm the marginal land to the same effect , it additionaly puts ecnomic pressure on SSIs and ancient woodland where the returns are low as they are special .

    In my view we should be looking at the urban enviroment to fit the population into , as you get the additinal energy utelisation improvements which have a knock on effect to making sustainable energy work . I am not against a village needing a few low cost semi detcahed housing for low income local workers , but using good argicultural land is a last resort esp if any goverment does want to keep a good hand in terms of food production and the obvious inflation problems when you have poor harvests .
    i maintain you can go to the bank for mortgage , but when you cannot go to one for the basic of food , unless that is the new wheeze that a mortagage is to be required for your food !

    One that got reported yesterday was £50mn was to be wiped off some NHS trusts debts for immigrants that used the NHS but could not/did not pay for the treatment they recieved .

  72. 72
    Belle N. Stilton says:

    Apparently some well-preserved Members have well-preserved members, if Han-crock did without Viagra what we’d all like to hope a man his age could be capable of doing, when called on to rise to the occasion.

  73. 73
    not a machine says:

    I was wondering too if he had understood , how it all now looks , Given his considerable political skills , he seemed to think what was being presented was a fluffly mitten ,rather than gauntlet . I mean how will not paying for the bailout now square , with not having of the option of leaving the EU to enjoy its owns frauds and errors .

  74. 74
    Anonymous says:

    Bear Arse seems appropriate

  75. 75
    Hootin' Tootin' Putin says:

    We aint got a medal high enough for the sacrifice Katia made for her country.

  76. 76
    Quisling bastards on the take says:

    Fat chance. It’ll be circle the f-ing wagons time again within our great ‘British’ establishment.

    The whole politcal class are a mill stone around our necks.

  77. 77
    Mick Hills says:

    How unfortunate, Ive just ordered three HOC teddy bears for Christmas presents now I find I have to deal with buying two new suits after my wife went on a slash and burn revenge binge. Hancock, you dirty old man, look what you have caused!

  78. 78
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    A shot of penicillin would be more useful.

  79. 79
    Wavy Davy - man of the people says:

    My focus groups tell me the ghastly oiks in the streets love the EU more with every passing day.

  80. 80
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    Dixon’s just phoned. Do you want this fucking computer back or what?

  81. 81
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    You seem mental. Can I give Mr Handycock your phone number? There’s a teddy bear in it for you.

  82. 82
    BillyBob... says:


    nice one !!

  83. 83
    not a machine says:

    You seem………….. to have no understanding agroecnomics ! theres a starving child in it for you

  84. 84
    BillyBob... says:

    I am heading to Thailand in a few weeks time……. a couple of teddy bears might be useful :)

  85. 85
    Demon says:

    So, not too dificult then…

  86. 86
    MI4 says:

    If only it was any MP but Hancock.

    Cor-blimey! A scandal with naughty sleaze! Oh, it’s Hancock. That explains everything…

    Takes the sting out of the story really.

  87. 87
    Blind Portsmouth Masonic Policeman says:

    They do have ‘businessmen’ in portsmouth but not ones you want to argue with, all cronies of hancock, and all big time drug dealers.

  88. 88
    Mr Zatulivetier, Katya's Dad says:

    If any films, videos, photographs of my daughter appear in public. I will find you and cut your balls off Hancock. In any case I am going to do it anyway, so keep watching your back.

  89. 89
    Anonymous says:

    I spy with my japs eye

  90. 90
    Sue Lander says:

    Infantilising young women with teddy bears. What about ankle socks? This old perv can only target young women because they are naive or vulnerable and he has experience in preying on their vulnerabilities. He is pathetic and should resign.

  91. 91
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    I will have you know that I have made very many young women very happy and I do not know of one who has not enjoyed receiving a teddy bear from me.

  92. 92
    Archbishop Of Canterbury says:

    A picture of a well worn Lecher, Pervert and pursuer of vulnerable young girls for sex. Lock up your daughters.


  93. 93
    Sly camp Fox says:


  94. 94
    Sly camp FARANG says:

    You can murder one for $2000 over there, just as you cum
    a service mainly aimed at the Jap market

  95. 95
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    Ah Britain – a home fit for mercenaries to live in.

  96. 96
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    Well give us a referendum then, Dave, and we’ll show you just how much we love the EU(SSR).

  97. 97
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    Talking of starving children, note the euphoria about a potential new vaccine against malaria which claims it can prevent 50% of the current death rate.

    So that’s 50% more starving children to survive in the very countries without the resources to feed them. Joined-up thinking ?

    Stop them breeding first, then cure the killer-diseases. Horse, cart……

  98. 98
    Katya says:

    I am ashamed of what I have done for Mother Russia, my patriotism has been tested beyond the call of duty. When I think of the masses of viagra he took, I am surprised he is still alive. Also the disgusting outfits he insisted I wear, together with the perverted things he made me do, makes me shudder with shame. I am amazed that he is now claiming that he was innocent in all these matters and did not give me any classified information. He was sexually compromised (much to his delight) many years ago in both Russia and Romania and did not need much persuasion to become an Agent, which he has been for many years. I am amazed that the British security Services have let him get away with it for so long.

  99. 99
    Katya's Dad says:

    And Handycock is going to get it.

  100. 100
    Grand Master, Grand Lodge, The Strand says:

    Mike Hancok is a patriot of the highest order. He has dedicated his life to public service and should be rewarded with a peerage. Boaz.

  101. 101
    MI5 says:

    Of course it should be us doing this, but we don’t want to upset Mr Hancock and his high ranking masonic friends.

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    She would have had to be a ladyboy to get a Tory

  103. 103
    filipinomonkey says:

    lie back and think of Russia…

  104. 104
    Parliamentary Standards Commissioner says:

    I doubt anyone will make an official complaint to me about Mr Hancock, unless it is Chris Huhne. It is clear he has misused taxpayer’s funds to esconce his Russian Mistress in a luxury flat in London, clearly a criminal offence. However should anyone complain to me about this, no doubt Mr Hancock will make a a similar complaint against them, and so it will go on, as they are all still at it. I would then find myself in a position where I might not be able to go to Wimbledon, Ascot, Henley etc. because of pressure of work In any case, I do not have the powers to investigate these misdemeanours. I am just used to deflect attention away from any criminal investigation by the police.

  105. 105
    Chris Huhne says:

    Parliamentary Standards Commissioner, I would like to make a formal complaint about Mike Hancock MP misusing taxpayer’s funds. Boaz

  106. 106
    Sylvio says:

    Good on you Mike. Remember, nothing over 16——————————–

    ——— make that 15

    one has to keep up standards.

  107. 107
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    I imagine most of them received a dose from you as well.

  108. 108
    not a machine says:

    I think the progressives will have to admit Malthus was right , but probebly not before they understand the catastrophe of there double think spin.

    I agree though so many of these troubled countries have governments that do not work in achieveing what you say .

  109. 109
    Great Old Chestnuts of the World #94 says:

    But what does he call the Teddy Bear?

  110. 110
    Fake Blood says:

    Not fit enough for Boris.

  111. 111
    Si says:

    Why has this sick pervert not been removed from the House ?

  112. 112
    Dr Whom says:

    B E E P !!! DALEK ALERT. Do not humour do not humour do not humour etc..

  113. 113
    Taxfodder says:

    You have that wrong Guido the Teddys are called “Bike” not Mike!

  114. 114
    jgm2 says:

    They would be wilfully feeding Hancock misinformation for him to pass on to his Russian girlfriend.

    Spying works both ways.

    Just like John Prescott could be used to feed the Chinese duff information in his capacity as ‘Professor of Climate Change’ or whatever money-laundering gig the Chinese have him employed under. I mean, come on, you don’t think Blair or the British Establishment would be stupid enough to let that thick c*unt anywhere near any sensitive information do you?

    Climate advisor? The man who, with a staff of 2,000 to massage his ego, decided to build 100,000 new homes in the Thames flood plain?


    Ah so, Meester Plesclott, we give you job, we give you money, now you play ball and you give us some inflorlmation…’

    Ahahahaha. Can you imagine? Hahahaha. Useless fucker couldn’t tell them anything worth a fiver.

    Chinese spooks looking at each other dumb-struck wondering how, the fuck, such a clueless, thick, know-nothing, talentless jackass could become deputy PM.

  115. 115
    Anonymous says:

    To what are you referring, sir?

  116. 116
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    I generally have two or three on the go at once and usually teenagers.

  117. 117
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Thanks, your Royal Highness. Jahbulon.

  118. 118
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    Sylvio, I’ve just had Ruby on the phone, apparently this month’s cheque is late. She’s still got the videos, so make sure you get it in the post asap, there’s a good fellow. Mike says hi, and is he still on to visit your villa the next time he’s in Italy?

  119. 119
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    You’d have thought they’d have learnt a bit of English in the Kate, even if it’s basic stuff like “shoot the ringleader” or “don’t photograph yourself cutting his ears off.”

  120. 120
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    An elderly gentleman with a white beard who gives girls teddy bears? It can only be Father Christmas (or Grandfather Snow as Katia would know him). Line up for your presents girls, and don’t forget the KY jelly now will you?

  121. 121
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    Handycock’s a square dealer.

  122. 122
    Anonymous says:

    they never claimed a penny

Seen Elsewhere

Milburn Health Consultancy Worth £2 Million | Scrapbook
Stuart Broad Right, Peston Broadly Wrong | Ryan Bourne
The 38 Seats in England Yet to Select a Tory Candidate | ConHome
Labour and Green Ecofascism | Matthew Walsh
Burnham Shows Why Labour Can’t Be Trusted | Speccie
Why Online Voting is a Crap Idea | Ballot Box
Time We Showed Super Rich Some Love | Alice Thomson
We Need True Popular Capitalism | Maurice Saatchi
Labour’s Winning Hand | Sebastian Shakespeare
We Defend Labour’s Record | John Hutton and Alan Milburn
100 Tories to Rebel on Plain Packs | Telegraph

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

“It would be a fatal mistake, in my view, for Labour to go into this election looking as though it is the party that would better resource the National Health Service but not necessarily put its foot to the floor when it comes to reforming. Look, reforms are not easy, but the Labour Party is not a conservative party. It should be about moving things forward not preserving them in aspic. You have got a pale imitation actually of the 1992 general election campaign, and maybe it will have the same outcome. I don’t know.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers