October 19th, 2011

Spooks Say Hancock Blonde Was a Spook

“Officer ZZ” of MI5, named in court as “Louise”, told Katia Zatuliveter’s extradition tribunal that she believed the Russian Intelligence Services had instructed the young blonde to seduce the aged LibDem pervert Mike Hancock, as he was easily susceptible to the age old trick.

Here’s a fun Guido fact for you: Hancock gives every girl he sleeps with a House of Commons shop teddy bear and calls it Mike. Form an orderly queue ladies…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Why would a fit bird hang around and sleep with 9mindbleach) hancock?


  2. 2
    Popeye says:

    Oh goody goody!


  3. 3
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Apologies Guido

    But should this not have a “Totty Watch” tag?

    >Runs for cover…………….


  4. 6

    A bear for a bare all.
    Seems fair.


  5. 9
    Calamity Clegg says:

    Let’s be serious !! How much do FibDems know really about anything ??


  6. 10
    katia later says:

    I do appreciate well preserved members in the H.o.C


    • 49
      Engineer says:

      It’s all the free alcohol. It’s a very effective preservative.


    • 72
      Belle N. Stilton says:

      Apparently some well-preserved Members have well-preserved members, if Han-crock did without Viagra what we’d all like to hope a man his age could be capable of doing, when called on to rise to the occasion.


      • 92
        Archbishop Of Canterbury says:

        A picture of a well worn Lecher, Pervert and pursuer of vulnerable young girls for sex. Lock up your daughters.



        • 98
          Katya says:

          I am ashamed of what I have done for Mother Russia, my patriotism has been tested beyond the call of duty. When I think of the masses of viagra he took, I am surprised he is still alive. Also the disgusting outfits he insisted I wear, together with the perverted things he made me do, makes me shudder with shame. I am amazed that he is now claiming that he was innocent in all these matters and did not give me any classified information. He was sexually compromised (much to his delight) many years ago in both Russia and Romania and did not need much persuasion to become an Agent, which he has been for many years. I am amazed that the British security Services have let him get away with it for so long.


          • Sylvio says:

            Good on you Mike. Remember, nothing over 16——————————–

            ——— make that 15

            one has to keep up standards.


          • Peter Carter-Fuck says:

            Sylvio, I’ve just had Ruby on the phone, apparently this month’s cheque is late. She’s still got the videos, so make sure you get it in the post asap, there’s a good fellow. Mike says hi, and is he still on to visit your villa the next time he’s in Italy?


  7. 12
    frog says:

    I find it hard to believe that any woman actually wants to get naked and hop into bed with Hancock?


  8. 13
    I'll have some of that..... says:

    We’d like to send Zatuliveter back to Russia – but we can’t, because – and I’m not making this up – she’s got a Teddy Bear…….


    • 21
      Nigel Mansell says:

      We’d like to send the albanian murderer back- but we can’t, because – and I’m not making this up – she’s got a teddy bear.


  9. 14
    George Osborne says:



  10. 18
    Mike Hunt says:

    He leaves a bear behind.


    • 68
      kleegish says:

      No– unfortunately this unsavoury bit of biz doesn’t involve male bare behinds. That was last week’s news.


  11. 19
    Old Rob says:

    I hope they award her a medal. Lord knows she’s earned it!


  12. 22
    tory boys never grow up says:

    If we are to deport people on the basis of Security Officer’s suspicions then I think we need to start to get worried about our legal processes.

    On a more serious level perhaps a few questions should be asked about the decision to deport Mikel and Nina Malyshev back to Uzbekistan where there is a good chance that they will be tortured if past form is anything to go by – see here for further details


    On the other hand the Govt. perhaps places higher value on maintaining good relations with President Karimov, despite his unfortunate habit of boiling his opponents.


    • 29
      BillyBob... says:

      Send the buggers back !!


    • 33
      Peter Carter-Fuck says:

      They should have got themselves a cat.


    • 36
      AC1 says:

      How much have you contributed towards the cost of them living in the U.K.?

      Asylum should be funded by charity ONLY, not enough money raised? Tough.


      • 57
        Sensible says:

        Personally, I have no problem with supporting refugees. My probem is with the gross failure of the government to send back all the ones who are not refugees and the ridiculous way the definition of a refugee has been expanded over the years to include all sorts of people who have nothing to really fear if they return home – other than having to live in some crappy country we are also spending ring-fenced tax money as foreign aid on ‘developing’.


        • 63
          The Paragnostic says:

          May I invite you to visit KhatmanduAldershot?

          We’ve got Nepalese up to our ears here, and there is a severe housing shortage. No problem with looking after the Gurkhas, but surely they can’t all want to live here? GP practices are overstretched, most of the incomers seem to speak no English whatsoever – and at one local school, 75% of this years intake were Nepalese. It’ll all blow up sooner or later, and like the river Tiber… (cont p.94: Ed.)


          • Must get a pseudonym one day says:

            Ah Britain – a home fit for mercenaries to live in.


          • Peter Carter-Fuck says:

            You’d have thought they’d have learnt a bit of English in the Kate, even if it’s basic stuff like “shoot the ringleader” or “don’t photograph yourself cutting his ears off.”


      • 122
        Anonymous says:

        they never claimed a penny


    • 37
      Mornington Crescent says:

      And if we are not to deport people on the basis of a “former” (i.e. failed) Ambassador’s suspicions then I think we need to start to get fucking terrified about our legal processes.


      • 51
        tory boys never grow up says:

        I suspect his information about what is going on in Uzbekistan is rather more accurate than yours – and it is certainly corroborated by what Amnesty International says abouit the state of human rights there. Of course you and others don’t really understand that we have long established obligations in respect of asylum seekers – not all of whom are economic migrants despite what you might think. Even the thickest of Tories usually understand that some asylum seekers are “genuine” rather than “bogus”.


  13. 39
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I wonder if they tried the same with Gordon????


    • 43
      Peter Carter-Fuck says:

      There are some things which even the FSB can’t get its people to do. Even they have limits.


  14. 40
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    I don’t think Handycock took much “seduction”, he tries to fuck anything with a pulse and the IQ of a lemon. I just hope poor Katia scrubs her minge out with carbolic. The things the poor girl has to do for Mother Russia.


  15. 41
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    There needs to be a full investigation of this nasty little man.


    • 76
      Quisling bastards on the take says:

      Fat chance. It’ll be circle the f-ing wagons time again within our great ‘British’ establishment.

      The whole politcal class are a mill stone around our necks.


      • 100
        Grand Master, Grand Lodge, The Strand says:

        Mike Hancok is a patriot of the highest order. He has dedicated his life to public service and should be rewarded with a peerage. Boaz.


  16. 44
    Anonymous says:

    cameron is toast now at the next election after the 3 line whip opposing the commons eu vote.

    make no mistake, he is a dead man walking trust me!


    • 73
      not a machine says:

      I was wondering too if he had understood , how it all now looks , Given his considerable political skills , he seemed to think what was being presented was a fluffly mitten ,rather than gauntlet . I mean how will not paying for the bailout now square , with not having of the option of leaving the EU to enjoy its owns frauds and errors .


    • 79
      Wavy Davy - man of the people says:

      My focus groups tell me the ghastly oiks in the streets love the EU more with every passing day.


      • 96
        Must get a pseudonym one day says:

        Well give us a referendum then, Dave, and we’ll show you just how much we love the EU(SSR).


  17. 45
    Gary Glitter says:

    Hmm. An old man luring a young girl into bed with gifts of teddy bears.

    I taught Mike Hancock everything he knows (although i use sweets).


  18. 46
    Lolita says:

    I find him strangely attractive.


    • 55
      Sex Starved Spastic says:

      Mee too… strangely…. yummmmmm!


      • 120
        Peter Carter-Fuck says:

        An elderly gentleman with a white beard who gives girls teddy bears? It can only be Father Christmas (or Grandfather Snow as Katia would know him). Line up for your presents girls, and don’t forget the KY jelly now will you?


  19. 48
    Engineer says:

    Neo-Guido must be brassed off. Wore the mantle of Tory Bear for years, but instead of getting is leg over a sexy blonde, all he got was a job as Guido’s gofer.

    Can’t win ‘em all!


  20. 50
    mhayworth says:

    No wonder the Lib Dems love the human rights act. They use it to protect their own perverts.


  21. 56
    I'm getting on with the job says:

    Waiter. There’s a beard in my soup

    That’ll be 5 shekels, sir. Oi vey!


  22. 58
    Appalled Constituent says:

    Handycock as victim of a honey trap? You have got to be joking. He has been on the pull ever since he was a lad – more so since entering public life. Not stopped even after all this hoo-ha – seen picking up a young girl student just before midnight from her flat in Southsea only days ago. His behaviour has been disgraceful for years and years. He has got away with it so far only because of very high level protection from his friends (Brothers?) in the Police, at the corrupt City Council and even within the Law – not to mention protection provided by the heavy gang of Portsmouth ‘businessmen’ and their henchmen.


    • 62
      The Economy Stupid says:

      Gosh, do they still have ‘businessmen’ in Portsmouth? Last time I went through there the place looked like a ghost town.


  23. 60
    HRH the Director General. says:

    We don’t do labels at the BBC and we don’t stigmatise. If I was to label the liberal democrats a party of sleazy, traitorous beardies, well that would be plain wrong. Of course, these rules don’t apply to Tories. I’m sure we all agree.


  24. 64
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Now, no fighting ladies please, it could be the Dishonourable Teddy Bears Picnickers.


  25. 66
    Jess The Dog says:

    Hancock’s nose has been up the Russian posterior for decades. He has been on the Defence Select Committee since 1999. He was on the Russia Committee before being kicked off for being too “pro-Moscow” over Putin and he has bizarre views on Armenia. It would be interesting to trawl through the written questions of *other* Defence Committee members, to compare them.

    I bet his researcher is the latest in a long line of “researchers”, and there is a well-trodden path between Hancock’s office and Kensington Palace Gardens.


    • 101
      MI5 says:

      Of course it should be us doing this, but we don’t want to upset Mr Hancock and his high ranking masonic friends.


      • 104
        Parliamentary Standards Commissioner says:

        I doubt anyone will make an official complaint to me about Mr Hancock, unless it is Chris Huhne. It is clear he has misused taxpayer’s funds to esconce his Russian Mistress in a luxury flat in London, clearly a criminal offence. However should anyone complain to me about this, no doubt Mr Hancock will make a a similar complaint against them, and so it will go on, as they are all still at it. I would then find myself in a position where I might not be able to go to Wimbledon, Ascot, Henley etc. because of pressure of work In any case, I do not have the powers to investigate these misdemeanours. I am just used to deflect attention away from any criminal investigation by the police.


        • 105
          Chris Huhne says:

          Parliamentary Standards Commissioner, I would like to make a formal complaint about Mike Hancock MP misusing taxpayer’s funds. Boaz


  26. 70
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    A funny bunch, the Lib Dems. At least no dog has had to die this time.


  27. 71
    not a machine says:

    I dont know if a HOC teddy is an inncoent gift , or a message that the libs are pro a cuddle at night , tinker tailor soldier teddy !

    Who was dr fox looking across the chamber at when he said personal motives

    re CAP I appreciate and support what our many small farms do , the milk business being the current long running challenge , which has sent many out of business .small farms are good keep local communities going and often run in ways which do a lot for wildlife . The way I see CAP now is that crops are increasingly being used for non food or feedstock purposes , this should work in pushing dairy/beef back onto hill farms where CAPs role is perhaps most obvious . Our agricultural production is essential , given the new roles for land use in agriculture , surely we should be at a stage where unproductive land is a thing of the past , indeed idle land is somthing one may not expect to see in the future , which perhaps suggests market suppliments rather than CAP payments is the way it will be heading . More sustainable methods of farming should have better eco fits .
    The idea of small farms doing more of the dairy products is a good example of how it could work better , indeed local creamerys and cheese makers , offers some good rural employment oppertunites , leaving big dairy farms to do bulk milk where the supply chain is more critical , the question how ever is how much encouragement and suport/stability the government can do to ensure markets make best use of the land in a supply sense ?? We have centurys of knowledge of land ustilisation , so it shouldnt be that difficult .
    Increasing food production I am pleased is now being viewed as having some antiinflationary necessity , the tension is perhaps in crops for energy and crops for animal feed (importing animal feed isnt necessarily anti inflationary) there is also the planning for timber , somthing that may have increased future use .
    I have always been opposed to developement on land that has an agricutural use because , you can always show it is feeding somthing else and having an ecnomic contribution, and I am acutley aware of the loss of pasture , that feeds non food/energy rural business .this type of land is exactly the type of land that the planning reforms could deem to be built upon , denying people of hobbies and related trades eg saddlers of business . It is my view that we should grow things , we already have some countires experienceing food losses and that precarious situation will continue as the global population passes 6bn and onto 7bn . We can now use food surplusess differently , but will it not be crime if countries that have realiable food growing climates , are unable to provide the food surplusses when food shortages in more climate unstable parts of the world happens ??? The planning bill makes no consideration of the impact of taking productive land out of the economy , and the land intended to build upon is useually that which can be mechanically farmed and not some wind swept hillside in the middle of nowwhere .
    It is not unreasonable to point out the loss of land for agricultural use is somthing of a one way ticket , as you cannot farm the marginal land to the same effect , it additionaly puts ecnomic pressure on SSIs and ancient woodland where the returns are low as they are special .

    In my view we should be looking at the urban enviroment to fit the population into , as you get the additinal energy utelisation improvements which have a knock on effect to making sustainable energy work . I am not against a village needing a few low cost semi detcahed housing for low income local workers , but using good argicultural land is a last resort esp if any goverment does want to keep a good hand in terms of food production and the obvious inflation problems when you have poor harvests .
    i maintain you can go to the bank for mortgage , but when you cannot go to one for the basic of food , unless that is the new wheeze that a mortagage is to be required for your food !

    One that got reported yesterday was £50mn was to be wiped off some NHS trusts debts for immigrants that used the NHS but could not/did not pay for the treatment they recieved .


    • 81
      Peter Carter-Fuck says:

      You seem mental. Can I give Mr Handycock your phone number? There’s a teddy bear in it for you.


      • 83
        not a machine says:

        You seem………….. to have no understanding agroecnomics ! theres a starving child in it for you


        • 97
          Must get a pseudonym one day says:

          Talking of starving children, note the euphoria about a potential new vaccine against malaria which claims it can prevent 50% of the current death rate.

          So that’s 50% more starving children to survive in the very countries without the resources to feed them. Joined-up thinking ?

          Stop them breeding first, then cure the killer-diseases. Horse, cart……


          • not a machine says:

            I think the progressives will have to admit Malthus was right , but probebly not before they understand the catastrophe of there double think spin.

            I agree though so many of these troubled countries have governments that do not work in achieveing what you say .


      • 112
        Dr Whom says:

        B E E P !!! DALEK ALERT. Do not humour do not humour do not humour etc..


  28. 77
    Mick Hills says:

    How unfortunate, Ive just ordered three HOC teddy bears for Christmas presents now I find I have to deal with buying two new suits after my wife went on a slash and burn revenge binge. Hancock, you dirty old man, look what you have caused!


    • 84
      BillyBob... says:

      I am heading to Thailand in a few weeks time……. a couple of teddy bears might be useful :)


      • 94
        Sly camp FARANG says:

        You can murder one for $2000 over there, just as you cum
        a service mainly aimed at the Jap market


  29. 86
    MI4 says:

    If only it was any MP but Hancock.

    Cor-blimey! A scandal with naughty sleaze! Oh, it’s Hancock. That explains everything…

    Takes the sting out of the story really.


  30. 88
    Mr Zatulivetier, Katya's Dad says:

    If any films, videos, photographs of my daughter appear in public. I will find you and cut your balls off Hancock. In any case I am going to do it anyway, so keep watching your back.


  31. 89
    Anonymous says:

    I spy with my japs eye


  32. 90
    Sue Lander says:

    Infantilising young women with teddy bears. What about ankle socks? This old perv can only target young women because they are naive or vulnerable and he has experience in preying on their vulnerabilities. He is pathetic and should resign.


    • 91
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      I will have you know that I have made very many young women very happy and I do not know of one who has not enjoyed receiving a teddy bear from me.


    • 93
      Sly camp Fox says:



  33. 103
    filipinomonkey says:

    lie back and think of Russia…


  34. 109
    Great Old Chestnuts of the World #94 says:

    But what does he call the Teddy Bear?


  35. 111
    Si says:

    Why has this sick pervert not been removed from the House ?


  36. 113
    Taxfodder says:

    You have that wrong Guido the Teddys are called “Bike” not Mike!


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