October 18th, 2011

Shocker: Russian Spy Admits Affair With “Fondler” Hancock


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I hope she gets all the help that is needed.

  2. 2

    Brings a new definition to sleeping with the enemy.

  3. 3
    Mz D-Annn Abbbbotttt says:

    Jah bless da gyal dem.

    Holllllllllaaaaa! Making me way to da kitchen for sone JERK chicken!

    Ya raceists init man

  4. 4
  5. 5
    Mz D-Annn Abbbbotttt says:

    Is you on dis site 24/7? Tossa “@- I can neva get da first comment init.


  6. 6
    Mandybum says:

    The bastard must have something, don’t you think?

  7. 7
    A woman says:

    I feel queasy.

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    No, that’s his missus.

  9. 9
    Cunning Plan says:

    Did she know he was a lib dem? If so, when is she being detained under the Mental Health Act?

  10. 10
    Mz D-Annn Abbbbotttt says:

    Not dat one u batty boy init.

    Its da otha one, blonde INIT.

    U is well batty

  11. 11
    PK says:

    Hahahahaha !

    what a shock.. the hoon.

  12. 12
    confused says:

    She deserves a medal

  13. 13
    Katia Vuvuzela says:

    Comrade Mike had very tiny cockski. Dosvedanya!

  14. 14
    Mz D-Annn Abbbbotttt says:

    U iz well batty. Me send u to Jahmaykah, u wud enjoy it der cuz!

    It’s wEll buff booooyaka

  15. 15
    Tom Watson says:

    I’d sell this country’s secrets for a Big Mac and a handjob.

  16. 16
    Lord Lucan says:

    Ok, so young attractive alleged Russian Spy sleeping with dodgy Old MP who happens to be privy to a large amount of sensitive defence information…

    This man is either naive or a traitor. Either way he has no business representing constituents in Parliament.

    However forget Clegg doing anything about it. He is a weak as P*ss.

  17. 17
    David Laws Lib Dem fiddler says:

    It is really sad that Clegg has not delivered in cleaning up politics, moreover there is not a system in place to tackle inappropriate behaviour of Hancock.

    Meanwhile the corrupt MPs voted on their pension the other day. Bercow refuses to to reduce his pension of £40,000 per year despite what they all imposed on our pensions and because of the economic fck up we find ourselves in our general living standards will suffer- not for those who caused this mess. they still get RPI inflation linked pensions- I wonder why???? In contrast to Europe that they are so keen in promoting and stuffing down our throats, our pensions are absolute crap. When do we get equal parity with EU state pensions????

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Do we know whether she is a spy or not? At least we know he is not batting for the same side unlike many others.

    Its better to keep all MP under 24/7 CCTV as most are up to no good.

  19. 19
    Adam Werritty says:

    Anyone need me to attend a meeting with them?

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    Why did the security services failed when it came to Adam (Fox’s “friend”)?

  21. 21
    Mazeltov! says:

    1000 muzee terrorists for 1 is ra eli. If it means 1 is ra eli is worth a thousand arabs, I’m not gonna disagree.

  22. 22
    Inov The Red says:

    My little princesskova. With love from your Volga boatman.

  23. 23
    queasy says:

    No complaints so far.

  24. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Not just Clegg, Cameron as well.

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    Sack the traitorous beardy bastard now.

  26. 26
    Leroy says:

    Yo Dyanne. Where’s me treeD TV you promised me, gyal? You told me your bwoy waz gonna get me a Sonee treeD haychD TV and ting. Booka!

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Why didn’t they just contribute to Adam’s living expenses?

  28. 28
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    that is really going beyond the call off duty!

  29. 29
    Sungei Patani says:

    “When do we get equal parity with EU state pensions?”

    You can now – simply save enough and invest it wisely. Why must you rely on the state?

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    * OLD FINGER* Mysster Bond

  31. 31
    Mike Handycapcock says:

    Eurgh! Minging.

  32. 32
    Israeli Government Policy says:

    I do not personally regard the whole of the remaining cities of Germany Palestinians as worth the bones of one British Grenadier Israeli conscript

  33. 33
    Big Mac says:

    Leave me out of it.

  34. 34
    Moussa Koussa says:

    What a pile of apologist twaddle

    Enjoying the ride Guido

    Inflation, unemployment rising,
    Output and growth falling .
    Home and road fuel rocketing
    Insurance cost going stratospheric
    Strikes, Protests
    SpAds and Lobby fodder at the heart of Cockheads gov

    Cabinet of numpties

    Woeful Waris, Gimp Gove, Billy ( SAS ) Vague, Olly Letbin,
    Jolly Hockey Sticks Greening, Two Heads Willets, Loser Langsley, Fiddling Foxy
    Etc etc

    Keep up the bad work Guido. Your silly epetition , isn’t even top ten anymore
    Back to the drawing board.

  35. 35
    Derek Smalls says:

    On a practical note, guys: What’s wrong with being a teen-fondler?

  36. 36
    Aaron D Highside says:

    Sungei – Exactly! So simple, even Labour voters can understand it.

  37. 37
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Not read last weeks posts then?

    And todays.

  38. 38
    Archbishop of Canterbury says:

    I say, that’s a bit strong. I know who my parents were.

  39. 39

    I did, but all this quantitative easing is making a large hole in it.

  40. 40
    jgm2 says:

    Labour lost. Get over it.

  41. 41
    Engineer says:

    “Save enough and invest it wisely.”

    Have you tried that lately? Not easy, these days.

  42. 42
    Chris lowe's hamster. says:

    Its a sin.

  43. 43
    jgm2 says:

    Still not too late to buy gold, silver, single carat flawless diamonds. Easily transportable wealth preservers like that.

  44. 44
    Grauniad says:


  45. 45
    a few old men shuffling around the order-order office says:

    The problem, Derek, is that it’s not us doing the fondling. Call it jealousy, if you will.

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    More than 400 children have complained of physical abuse at Islamic schools in the UK, but only two people have been convicted, figures revealed today.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2050399/More-400-children-complain-abuse-Islamic-schools-UK–TWO-Muslim-teachers-madrassas-convicted.html#ixzz1b8Zkntgo

  47. 47
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Well you know what, there isn’t actually a EU state. So there isn’t a EU state pension.

    If you’re talking about the most generous pensions around the EU : They’re massively expensive, and their kids are really going to have to shell out a hell of a lot.

    And I shall step over the line: its worse than socialism. Its bizarre statism where current workers have to pay for current 100grand a year pensions.

  48. 48
    catholic balti dodger Mancunian says:

    he really is like one of those turds that wont flush innit
    he is also a registered sex offender
    teenage boys are his thing

  49. 49
    Phil. I. Stein says:

    With Nikita being a blokes name I was expecting Katja to be the same. Is hetero allowed in the H.o.C?

  50. 50
    Chris lowe's hamster. says:

    thats a sin too.

  51. 51
    Engineer says:

    Been on holiday, Moussa?

  52. 52
    Moussa Koussa says:


  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Katia asked have you seen Mike Hunt?

  54. 54
    CU Jimmy says:

    Have we missed the boat with copper?

  55. 55
    balti dodging catholic Mancunian says:

    ricin peea from mi6 innit sista

  56. 56
    Sir William Waad says:

    Gandhi did it. Even You-Know-Who (PBUH) did it.

  57. 57
    Engineer says:

    It can lead to significant personal mental anguish. Especially if her father catches up with you.

  58. 58
    Moussa Koussa says:

    Yes. Thanks.

    Moved form my 6 star Qatar Hotel, to the 7 Star one down the road…..ALL ON UK TAX PAYERS CASH….Thanks

  59. 59
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    I hate to agree with Moussa but Call me fucking useless Camermong is leading the Tories to a bigger defeat than John Major.

    UKIP will poll at least 10% at the next election. Tories will be lucky to poll 25%.

    Sad but true :-(

  60. 60
    balti dodging catholic Mancunian says:

    Volga little man

  61. 61
    Engineer says:

    So what are your lot going to do if they get in next time, Moussa? Rack up even more debt?

  62. 62
    Mikhal Hancockski says:

    Why is this sad bastard still in his job?

  63. 63
    Sir William Waad says:

    It can’t be less than one term, if you think about it.

  64. 64
    Engineer says:

    Very nice too. Hope you didn’t get sunburn. Shame it’s done nothing for your perceptiveness, but can’t have everything, I suppose.

    Looking forward to the Euro crisis?

  65. 65
    DUDLEY ZOO says:

    We are still cleaning up the huge stinking steaming festering scottish meat turd that Gordon Brown left in the heart of Westminster

  66. 66
    Ah! Monika says:

    Gives a new meaning to ” I spy, with my little eye “

  67. 67
    Parliamentary Standards Commissioner says:

    Before you ask me again. I have already told you that I don’t have the powers to investigate either the morals of Mr Handycock or whether or not he is a Russian Spy, and Mr Handycock well knows it; so please don’t report him to me again Mr Huhne, this is a matter for someone else to investigate not me. Boaz.

  68. 68
    BillyBob... says:

    Where are the umbrella sellars and Bulgarian Intelligence Services when you need them ?

    Time for a police investigation methinks :)

  69. 69
    biology pedant. says:

    ricin was a speciality of the Bulgarian secret services.

  70. 70
    Basilicata says:

    She would have millions for shagn Berlusconi. Or is Hancockski paying for it in Argos vouchers now? Urrrgh. How sad.

  71. 71
    BillyBob... says:

    oops, umbrella sellers ?

  72. 72
    Belle N. Stilton says:

    Said the President to the intern…

  73. 73
    cynic says:

    How much did he pay her?

  74. 74
    Here and Now says:

    There were 69 comments up – I had to add this one as seeing the number 69 displayed in that way made me think of Handycock muff diving…

    …now YOU need mind bleach.

  75. 75
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Vell zat ees veerrry Hinteresting wiz ze Meester Cockhandy or vas eet Randycock!!
    Put it in Mister Put in!!!

  76. 76
    HM The Queen's Corgi says:

    I pity her poor Mother now she will know that her daughter had a 4 year affair with the Pervert Handycock. This knowledge is enough to push her over the edge poor woman.

  77. 77
    Handycock Trougher, Pervert and Russian Spy says:

    I did.

  78. 78
    Handycock Trougher, Pervert and Russian Spy says:

    I am the victim here. They secretly started filming me in compromising sexual situations, years ago when I started visiting Romania, Russia, Ukraine and Moldova, paid for by the taxpayer. I was given two choices, exposure, or as much sex as I wanted in the future, so long as I took on one of their top Agents as my Intern. Well, what would you do in a catch 22 like that?

  79. 79
    Bristol Boy says:

    So now we know. Well played Katya. This time Mr.Handycock will be unable to claim ‘it was only a kiss and a cuddle’ – the formula which got him off last time.

  80. 80
    jgm2 says:

    Yeah. I bet the two Neds are just itching to get their hands on this economy and turn it around.

    Or b) Just continue doing the same wrong thing that they did for the prior 13 years.

    To be honest it really doesn’t matter who is in power now. The damage was irreparable as far back as 2005.

    It’s fucked. And nobody can fix it without seriously pi*s*s*ing off at least half the population. Something Brown clearly lacked the guts to do and Cameron clearly lacks the guts to do. So he’s just trying to keep the show on the road long enough to scrape over the election finish-line and leave some other fucker has to sort it out.

    So another wasted four years beckons to go with the three we’ve just had.

  81. 81
    jgm2 says:

    I think all church roofs have already been mined for copper and lead my pikey chum.

  82. 82
    Councillor Mike Hancock CBE MP says:

    How dare you impersonate me. I have given my life to political service, over 40 years. I was awarded the CBE for services to MENCAP, even though they sacked me. This honour and my membership of the Freemasons has been my protection for years, until this pernicious blog started exposing me and calling me a Trougher, Teen Fondler, Spy, Pervert and Sex Tourist on taxpayer’s money. Than goodness I have recently acquired a top of the range iPad on my expenses so that I can blog my defence and protect my reputation.

  83. 83
    Chris Huhne says:

    I wish to report Mike Hancock MP to You Parliamentary Standards Commissioner for being a Russian Spy and Pervert.

  84. 84

    “The bastard must have something, don’t you think?”

    Secrets to trade?

  85. 85
    Hello hello from the CPS says:

    Time now, methinks, to look at all the other sexual molesting charges he has got away with: Teenager, Mong, Romanian Orphans, Ukranian Stenographers etc etc.

  86. 86
    Handycock Trougher, Pervert and Russian Spy says:

    My poor dear Katya, she is being put under enormous strain by all this.


  87. 87
    HM The Queen says:

    Poor woman.

  88. 88
    Liam Fox says:

    I would ask for my adviser’s expenses to be paid for as well. You were a bit slow there Handy.

  89. 89
    jacqui Hancock says:

    Just wait till you get home.

  90. 90
    Registrar Sexual Offender's List says:

    Why is this perverted MP not on the Sexual offenders List?

  91. 91
    Nu Attack Dog says:

    How the f*ck is this guy still an MP?

  92. 92
    Steve P says:

    It is not in the least perverted for a 61 year old to want to have sex with a 21 year old.

    But it is very STUPID for a 60 year old MP to think a 21 year old RUSSIAN has a simple lust foir his body.

  93. 93
    Steve P says:

    MPs CANNOT be sacked.

    Indeed they can’t even resign.

  94. 94
    The bribed and the blackmailed says:

    Just how many more of our shitty political class have been filmed in compromising positions by foreign powers or business interests?

    How many have had their bent financial dealings or pervert life styles used against them? How many are on the pay role of vested interests, both foreign and domestic?

    You can now start to see why the political class acts the way it does.
    Corrupt to the very core, the lot of the fuckers.

  95. 95
    Katya's sick Mum, and Dad says:

    You will be under enormous strain when we get hold of you Handycock.

  96. 96
    jacqui Hancock says:

    Me too.

  97. 97
    Unbiased Observer says:

    All of them.

  98. 98
    Vladimir Putin says:

    We are looking for a replacement for Handycock. We can provide a male Intern if required. Interested?

  99. 99
  100. 100
    Katya tweeting from Court says:

    Why do you think he has such a long beard?

  101. 101
    Sod the Liblabcon says:

    Cos they are all bent and will look after one of their own when the chips are down.

    Only the dumb party tribalists way down the food chain actually believe all the party ideology mumbo jumbo.

    At the level of Parliament, Tory, Labour and LibDem have infinitely more in common with each other than they do with ordinary indigenous Britons.

  102. 102
    Handycock Trougher, Pervert and Russian Spy says:

    I am not 61. I am 65 years old. Please get your facts right. I was also Chair of the All Parliamentary Russian Committee and a Member of the Parliamentary Defence Committee. Boaz.

  103. 103
    HM The Queen says:

    No but they can, and have been, executed for treason.

  104. 104
    HM Duke of Edinburgh says:

    Well said old girl, I have been on to this Pervert and Russian Spy for some time but no one listened to me. Now, perhaps, something will be done about him. I, personally, would string him up by the balls and hang him from the yardarm of HMS Victory in Portsmouth.

  105. 105
    Dr. Foxy Woxy says:

    I’m free!

  106. 106
    bang goes the weasel says:

    But I do believe they can be assassinated.

  107. 107
    Portsmouth South Constituents says:

    …and all of us too. How dare you expect to carry on representing us in Parliament?.

  108. 108
    Telegraph Tribunal Report says:

    Katya told the Tribunal that the married 65 year old MP tried to seduce her the first time they met, and later gave her a job in his parliamentary office where she had access to sensitive defence documents through his positiion on the defence select committee. ‘He asked me back to his hotel room but I didn’t go. He tried to kiss me on the lips in the lounge of the hotel. He said he wanted to sleep with me.’


  109. 109
    Mr. Potato Head says:

    Come on Putin. Show us the pictures. We need cheering up over here in the UK and this would give us some fun.

  110. 110
    Former Hancock Aide says:

    Actually, he has never really represented his constituents. He has used his position for years to exploit his position as a politician, to fulfill his perverted sexual gratifications, and he has done it with our, taxpayer’s money. The man is a disgrace, but he is so hard faced, no matter what happens to him, he won’t resign. If the Liberal Democrat Party don’t throw him out of the Party, after all this. They themselves are guilty by association.

  111. 111
    Former Hancock Aide says:

    Hancock has not just been in the pay of Russia. No doubt he was paid with sexual favours by Taiwan.


  112. 112
    Lord Mayor, Portsmouth says:

    A great article by the Telegraph which gives the full facts of what is really happening at the tribunal. Not like the article in the Portsmouth News (which has been in Hancock’s pocket for years) which tells only part of the story. Well done Daily Telegraph.


  113. 113
    Portsmouth South Constituent says:

    … and by the way, Lord Mayor, the Portsmouth News has not yet come clean either about your own indiscretions concerning the supply of Consultancy services to the Council wiythout declaring an interest – let alone the scandal of sale of Council properties to elected members and staff.

  114. 114
    Vladimir Putin says:

    We have collected so many reels of film, over the years, of Handycock having sex, that it would be logistically impossible to ship them over. We are, however, at this very moment in time, digitising the films. Once this huge task is finished, we intend to sell them to the highest bidder, from the porn channels (and believe me there is some brilliant stuff on them), as Handycock is no longer of any use to us.

  115. 115
    Lord Mayor of Portsmouth says:

    I am innocent, it is all Hancock’s fault and yes he has shagged me too.

  116. 116
    Liberal Democrat Party says:

    Mike Hancock MP. Who’s that?

  117. 117
    Katya's sick Mum, and Dad says:

    I hope our daughter is not on those films. Handycock is a dead man.

  118. 118
    Princess says:

    I asked that of the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner, but he said he did not have the powers to investigate it. Hancock tried to force himself sexually on me, on a number of occasions, but of course he got away with it again.

  119. 119
    MI5 says:

    He was paying for a posh flat and her living expenses, that is why she came to the notice of us in MI5, she was living far beyond her means.


  120. 120
    Pissed off Taxpayer says:

    And we mug taxpayer’s were paying for it all. Isn’t abuse and misuse of taxpayer’s money a criminal offence? That is why all these bastard crooked MP’s have been jailed. Surely Hancock should be jailed for the same offence, or will his membership of the Freemasons and CBE get him off again?

  121. 121
    Handycock Trougher, Pervert and Russian Spy says:


  122. 122
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    “Well that’s a turn up for the book” – More like a turn off for the spook.

  123. 123
    True Finn says:

    We have nice answer to Russia spy we catch in Finland. We tie their balls to sauna wood and steam them alive. They not bother us much.

  124. 124
    Jacqui Hancock says:

    None of these allegations are true those making them ‘are all nutters.’ Mike is a devoted, faithful husband, he has told me so.

  125. 125
    masonic hall says:

    Mike hancock is a sexual pervert and should be sacked for all the constituents he has tried to abuse the women who has worked for him how much more evidence do the police and parliament want.

    He is like teflon nothing sticks as he is a freemason just check his ring out on his little finger.
    Whenever he’s on tv he rubs his nose to let you know hes thinking of all the women hes abusing……..



  126. 126
    bleedin obvious says:

    dumb arse people in pompey voted for him. He’s not atypical as a lib dumb either – they seem to be a troop of catemites, hypocrites and liars.

  127. 127
    Jacqui Hancock says:

    All these allegations about Mike being a sexual predator are completely untrue. I should not really tell you this, but Mike has been impotent for years. He has been so worried about it, and the effect it has had on me, his wife, that he has spent most of the money he receives as an MP and a Councillor, on receiving treatment for his ailment. It has cost an awful lot of money as he has had to travel long distances for this treatment; to Moscow, St Petersburgh, Kiev, Bucharest and Odessa, where apparently the best treatment and specialists for treatment are available. Unfortunately, to date, the treatment has not been successful, but we both live in hope.

  128. 128
    Paul Flynn MP says:

    As I have said many times before and in my blog. These allegations about Mike Hancock being a Russian spy are ridiculous. I also have pointed out that we MP’s are susceptible to predatory females having very strong crushes on us and this, no doubt is where these false rumours about Mike’s sex life come from. In any case his wife says above, that he is impotent and has been for many years.

  129. 129
    Mystick1 says:

    Par for the course for an MP. With few exceptions they are all f*cking crooks, cheats, liars and perverts. Time for civil war.

  130. 130
    Anonymous says:

    I think Hancock is the one who should be investigated for being a Russian agent, the totty was probably just his handler. That’s how it used to work during the Cold War

  131. 131
    Portsmouth City Council Whisleblower says:

    Hancock is a special case. As well as his activities as an MP he has also been a Councillor in Portsmouth for over 40 years, where he runs everything through his masonic cronies who include senior council officers, local businessmen, some of whom are big time drug dealers and the police. He is the Head of planning, and the drug dealers launder their money through property development which he facilitates. It has got so bad that recently a listed buiding was torched because it would have reduced their profits in a major development that Harry Rednapp is a fellow partner in. At the same time the Council ruled that these developers did not have to provide the 28 social housing units that they were required to do by law. Instead they were allowed to pay £600k as an offset for a liability of between £3m and £4m. This is how the money is made, the difference being kickbacks for the Facilitator and his council cronies. There is no point complaining to the police as they, at the top level, are in it, evidenced by their currently dragging their feet over a formal complaint about the Lord Mayor sitting on a Committee that awarded her own Company a £100k contract, without her declaring an interest. Also they have been selling council properties to council members and officers, when there is supposed to be a dire shortage of social housing. All in all, total corruption between the public sector (Portsmouth City Council and Hancock) and his drug dealing, property development buddies, who seem to be invulnerable to prosecution, and have been for a long time.

  132. 132
    Katya says:

    He was paying for it with taxpayer’s money, that’s how MI5 got on to me; I was living beyond my means all thanks to Mike’s pay and expenses and kickbacks in Porstmouth. He only started purchasing a flat in London when he started his affair with me.

  133. 133
  134. 134
  135. 135
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    He’s a rum un Guido

  136. 136
    Meanwhile, over at Vauxhall Cross says:

    We been running Cockinhand for yonks. Honey-trap old as the hills, pump the Ivans full of disinformation, they probably don’t believe it either. Keeps us all in a job.
    Peace Studies, my arse.

  137. 137
    The Piss Soaked Tramp Formally Known As TAT! says:

    I told you a year ago on this blog the Russian FSB have videos of Hancock but no one believed me.

  138. 138
    Russian FSB says:

    Videos? We have blockbuster, multi episode full length films, as do the Romanians, Ukranians, Moldovans and no doubt many other countries that he has visited such as Taiwan, and more recently Bahrain. This man is a global legend and has been selling his country’s secrets for sex for years.

  139. 139
    Parliamentary Standards Commissioner says:

    I do not have the powers to investigate whether Mr Handycock has misused taxpayer’s money on his Russian girlfriend. Jahbulon.

  140. 140
    DPP says:

    Will someone please make a formal complaint about these matters to my office?

  141. 141
  142. 142
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Here is my CV. After all the revelations on this blog, I have to make a few amendments:

    1. Education – None, no formal qualifications.
    2. Did not work previously as an Engineer (this implies qualifications, I have none), delete Engineer substitute Toolmaker.


  143. 143
    Handycock, Trougher, Pervert and Russian Spy says:

    Here is my statement about the current trial, as you can see I am completetly innocent of anything to do with it, otherwise the Security Services would have interviewed me.


  144. 144
    Robert Mugabe says:

    Even I am amazed and gobsmacked Handy. I am proud of you. I am looking for someone to replace me in Zimbabwe, in the near future. You are more than suitable and qualified, how about it?

  145. 145

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