October 18th, 2011

Radiation Spreading Across Jonah’s Constituency
Yet Brown is Silent About it in Parliament

Radioactive material has been detected in Dalgety Bay, Fife. The Scotsman reports:

“The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency (Sepa) found 17 radioactive particles on Friday, 33 on Saturday and a further 31 on Sunday. Contamination in the area is believed to originate from radioactive aeroplane dials, burned and buried in reclaimed land.”

Locals are up in arms and demanding that something be done, but their local MP is strangely silent. Instead of raising this urgent matter in Parliament, or getting relevant bodies around a table, Gordon Brown is nowhere to be seen. His dwindling loyalists often argue that the reason it’s fine for Brown to stay in Parliament, despite not turning up or voting, is that he is a good local MP. Well that is that myth busted…

UPDATE: For those wondering where Gordon is instead of representing his constituents – he’s sucking up to hedgies and investment bankers at the UNEP Finance Initiative 2011 Global Roundtable in the Meridian C Room of the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, D.C. No risk of radiation poisoning there…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    but wouldnt he just make it worse if he was to get invovled?


    • 4
      Gordon says:

      I’m just the man for the jobbie


    • 28
      Sain Gordon of Brown Stuff says:

      Once I leave the Constituency and take up my proper role in the Second Coming of Jesus H Brown Esq, the radiation levels will fall.


    • 49
      BillyBob... says:

      “Doomed, we’re all doomed Cap’t Mannering”


    • 76
      Jethro Q Walrus-Titty says:

      Gordon is only interested in Gordon first, then making money second.
      The former politics lecturer of Glasgow Tech, Dr Brown only ever was a closet Marxist, some said, like a few of his fellow lecturers.
      Even then he was largely perceived as a clown.


      • 119
        AC1 says:

        As if being a real Marxist was a good idea….


      • 142
        What a plonker. says:

        Gordon Brown is a useless waste of space and always has been . He and the
        two Eds are directly responsible for the mess that the economy is in right now .
        So who gives a toss about contaminated land in his constituency .


    • 93
      Anonymous says:

      I thought he may have been busy with his voluntary work which, pre election, he said he would devote himself to if he lost the election?


    • 125

      He is involved. He IS the radiation. Washington will be next to discover radio active material now he’s there!

      Note to CIA who will read this because of the words radiation and Washington – your fault, you should never have allowed Gordon Brown into your country.


    • 165
      Exit for a Superhero says:

      Gordon. You’re doomed ….it’s kryptonite.


    • 177
      robbie says:

      yes-that bawheid’s far more toxic than a few radium coated dials.


  2. 2
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ll be fine in this tin foil hat.


  3. 3
    The voice of reason. says:

    Without wishing to be an apologist for Brown Pants, I am not sure being a good constituentcy MP hinges on raising something in Parliament.


    • 7
      Taxpayer says:

      how about being in parliament?

      or helping constituents?

      or even seeing consituents?

      Just what exactly does he do for all the money we are forced to give him?


    • 15
      genghiz the kahn says:

      Has spoken in 2 debates in the last year — well below average amongst MPs.

      Has received answers to 9 written questions in the last year — below average amongst MPs.

      Replied within 2 or 3 weeks to a medium number of messages sent via WriteToThem.com during 2008, according to constituents.

      Has voted in 15.85% of votes in this Parliament with this affiliation — well below average amongst MPs. (From Public Whip).


      Aye the scunner is really, working hard at Westminister.


      • 54
        jgm2 says:

        Don’t encourage the worthless shitbag. Look what he did when he was working all the hours God sent – Tirelessly fucking the economy.

        Nope. The safest thing Brown can do is sit in his big house in Inverkeithing and sulk and keep well away from any decisions great or small.


      • 166
        It's no feckin' Jock says:

        He has taken a full salary plus expenses.


    • 56
      Handycock says:

      I’m always raising something in Parliament, aren’t I princess ?


    • 173
      CYNICAL OLD MAN says:

      Voice of Treason, how long would you last in your job if you never turned up to your workplace or were never at your desk, all the while getting very well paid?

      Put it another way, how long would you last as a travelling salesman if you never visited your sales areas because you spent all your time looking for another job or moonlighting to enhance your well paid salary?

      Chuffinell, you can’t even pretend he’s a good constituency M.P.- he’s NEVER THERE – it seems he spends more time on international jaunts.


      • 181
        Handycock, No1 Trougher in Parliament says:

        How dare you. I often represent my constituents in Russia, Ukraine, Romania and Moldova. it was I that set the liaison relationships up with these countries so it must be good for my constituents.


  4. 5
    Ozzy says:

    Has he lost his mind?
    Can he see or is he blind?


    • 12
      Axe The Telly Tax says:

      Yes. Call Me Fucking Uesless Camermong is steering the Tory Titanic straight for the iceberg at full speed.

      Toodle pip what what!


      • 42
        pundit says:

        And we don’t have any lifeboats after Labour chopped them up for fuel.


      • 129
        Archer Karcher says:

        In case you hadn’t noticed we hit the iceberg in 2008, when Captain Brown and Helmsman Balls were in charge of the ship and we have been slowly sinking ever since.
        The ‘good’ news is, new skipper Captain Cameron and his Helmsman Osborne, have located an even bigger ship in the area, the S.S. EU and are busily lashing us to her, so we don’t go under.

        What could possibly go wrong?


    • 37
      kleegish says:

      Yellow card; the only reason you don’t get a red is that you bring up the very real possibility that he has lost his mind.


      • 149
        What a plonker. says:

        Brown is a raving lunatic ,so what the hell is he doing swanning round the world ?
        He should be incarcerated in a secure place for his own good.
        The idiot really thought that he had a chance to be the boss of the I.M.F.


        • 157
          Fish says:

          …so what the hell is he doing swanning round the world ?…

          Ssssh! He still thinks he’s the PM


        • 186
          Socialism is a mental illness says:

          What gets me is the judgement, or rather, lack of it, of these institutions that invite the moron to speak? Flabbergasted, and worried.


    • 52
      BillyBob... says:

      He took ‘is eye off the ball a long time ago !


    • 62
      I was a tad paranoid until i realised that everyone does actually hate me says:

      Sabbath live in 1970:


  5. 6
    Particular Scientist says:

    81 particles? Hardly Cherknobal Fallout, is it?


    • 10
      My knob'll fall out? says:

      There’s more radioactivity in that huge granite thingy they built Edinburgh on.


    • 21
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      It can be pretty bad if its from a nuclear reactor. Beaches round dounray have this: if one particle sticks to you it’ll give a small area of your body a very intense dose of radiation. A rather different effect from finer dust.

      But they’re probably the equivalent of what you’d get on an old watch.


      • 27
        balti dodging catholic Mancunian says:

        That old chap is a good way to kill a person
        Buy an old watch or clock with luminescent hans/numerals
        scrape off the glowy bits and serve with a nice cup of tea
        dead within 12 months


        • 47
          Nurse Botha says:

          I always rely on this site for practical hints and tips. Many thanks for that one.

          Time for your afternoon enema Mr. Brown, dear.


  6. 8
    Ah! Monika says:

    Let’s see if he reacts.


  7. 11
    Debbie Harry says:

    Gordon, fade away and radiate.


  8. 14
    Teri says:

    I’d say the reason they are happy for Broon to remain in parliament is that they dont want a by election in Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath as it could easily go to the SNP


  9. 16
    bergen says:

    Well they voted for him. Democracy is the right of the people to be represented by a moron of their own choice.


    • 138
      Och the noo says:

      Kirkaldy people are clearly brain dead, continuing to elect a Brown turd to represent them.

      I doubt that they could even read this with understanding, inbreds.


  10. 17
    I hate Blue Labour says:

    Getting on with the job, tory cuts, end to boom and bust, blah, blah, blaaazzzzzzzz….

    And this, remember, is a man Cameron couldn’t even win outright against. Maybe the electorate aren’t as stupid as they appear.


  11. 20

    Ok here is the serious answer
    I live and work in Dalgety Bay and never voted for the twat I hasten to add, however on Sunday I took the dogs to a place called Carlingnose Point. Its the beech by twat faces hoooose. Yep 4 fully armed range rovers/X5 with Fifes finest sat inside and a helicopter overhead. Yes the arse was at home


  12. 22
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Brown should look for a new job as a helicopter ejection seat tester.


  13. 24
    Engineer says:

    So, when these ‘radioactive’ aircraft dials were in aircraft, it was OK for the crew to sit two feet from them, but now their remains are found in landfill, it’s lethal?

    Another fuss about nothing very much.


    • 43
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      Radium. alpha particles.


    • 46
      Anonymous says:

      Remember alarm clocks with luminous dials. I suppose they are leathal as well.


      • 58
        Engineer says:

        Same luminescent material, so similar degree of danger. Namely, not much.

        Provided you don’t eat it, you’ll be fine.


        • 104
          meme says:

          its interesting to note that

          if you swallow

          2 radioactive particles or 2 mini-magnets from kids toys

          risk of death in one is 1 in million, in other 1 in 2… will let you work out which is which as very interesting in terms or risk factors….

          life huh!


  14. 25
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I heard he is trying to convene a meeting of the G20 to discuss this global matter that started in America and that the Tories have done nothing about it!


  15. 29
    Press Office @ The Highlands Secure Unit Facility says:

    We regret to advise the member for Kirkcaldy is unable to meet any residents from the constituency for the foreseeable future due the very strong medication being administered. This is containing the acute paranoia delusions & subduing the very intense anger but does result in a demonic glow to the face.

    Further updates will be issued as & when required.

    Please Note We will only respond to questions from Guardian,Independent, Daily Mirror & BBC no one else.


  16. 30
    Steve Miliband says:

    So we now know what ex ‘worst ever’ PM gets up to at Tax payer expense – walks his dog on a beach


  17. 38
    Josiah Bartlett says:

    At least Blair had the decency to resign his seat immediately before he set out to “save the world”.


  18. 39
    nell says:

    It’s quite wrong thast the rules allow an MP to become elected and then to virtually never attend parliament. The rules should make a mimum requirement of so many days attendance at westminster per month and if an mp fails this then they are out and there is a by-election.

    It’s not right that gordon can keep on like this, using his mp’s salary plus expenses to keep funding his trips abroad (he was paid handsomely to be in abu dhabi last week telling some idiots who’d paid a fortune to listen to him what a brilliant economist he was) where he makes even more money .

    He should be made to step down so that his constituents can have a proper fully functioning, full-time mp.


  19. 45
  20. 50
    Steve P says:

    The level of radioactivity involved would not kill a gnat.


    • 110
      Another Engineer says:

      Don’t forget, gnats will rule the earth after the nuclear holocaust…

      Radium isn’t very good if it gets into the food chain, as it can bioaccumulate as a substitute for Calcium.

      Otherwise, alpha particles are stopped by paper or a few cm of air.


      • 158
        oddly helpful says:

        There was an ugly cluster of deaths from mouth cancer amongst the women responsible for painting the radium dots onto watches; it was common practice for them to lick the brushes which they were using to apply the paint.

        Actually wearing the watches provided a lesser risk from radiation than living somewhere like Cornwall, where the granite emits a low level of radiation (which the World Nuclear Association estimates is equivalent to that coming off a kilogram of coffee!


  21. 53
    Brown's Pyjamagate says:

    I only turn up to Parliament and debates if it is about me and the terrible way the pyjama press treat my wife and myself. The pain of kissing Murdoch’s arse when I was in power was too much to bear. Mrs Murdoch and her chums forcing my wife wear pyjamas is unforgivable.


  22. 55
    Marmite says:

    The backw*rd feckers who voted for McDoom deserve all they get. They could have ousted him at the last election, but sat on their porridgy ars*s.
    He obviously has no concern for his constituents, but he should be forced to work for his ill-gotten gains.
    I wish I had a job where I could earn his salary, plus expenses, and not turn up to my job. Bloody bone idle scotch b@stard!


  23. 57
    Wreckless_Eric says:

    I wondered where the Rain Man had hidden all those smashed Nokias.


  24. 60
    Steve Miliband says:

    So what does he do exactly? Fuck all in Kirkcaldy, fuck all in London. So what the fuck does the idle fucker do all day?


  25. 61
    jgm2 says:

    Dalgety Bay, along with Lochgelly and some other shithole in Fife used to enjoy (about five years ago) the accolade of being the three cheapest places in the entire UK to buy property.

    Being exposed as a nuclear dump wont affect that one little bit.

    For all the gazillions that Labour and the SNP have pissed around Fucking Scotland it is astonishing that so much of the fucking awful place retains that authentic pallor of 1920’s depression and squalor.


  26. 65
    It'll keep 'em warm this coming winter says:



  27. 66
    I'm getting on with the job says:

    Waiter. There’s a beard in my soup.

    Well, you married her, sir.


  28. 67
    Brown is not an MP for the whole of Fife. says:

    The people of Kirkcaldy and the daft part of Fife thought they were voting in a PM not a MP. That’s why the silly fools voted for him. Kirkcaldy and surrounding areas benefitted from him being a PM but gain nothing from him being a MP.


  29. 69
    Margaret Thatcher says:

    I have always believed in our evolving parliamentary democracy, but not any more – Brown, Blair, Smith, Hancock, Huhne and the rest of the crooked self serving Shits. We need complete political change in this country, our current political model is well beyond its sell by date. Out on the streets, revolution required to get rid of these troughing crooks.


  30. 71
    Dr Liam Fox says:

    Adam Werritty, my gay friend and I were having a conversation, when I wrongly interpreted something he’d said just a second before.

    “No, you’ve got things arse backwards,” he said.

    So I pulled my arse off his cock and turned to face him instead.


  31. 72
    Olly says:

    Jonah Brown is in Madrid “saving the world”



  32. 77
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m horny! horny horny horny….


  33. 79
    Lets savour it one last time says:


  34. 84
    Ah! Monika says:

    How many prisoners would be exchanged for Gordon?


    • 172

      Hamas aren’t completely stupid, they’ll never go for that. But it’s worth a try. Get Werrity to give them a call and tell them we’ll throw in a slightly-used Blair and his wife, along with the ex-PM Brown and all the camels from the London Zoo.


  35. 94
    Libertarian Fifer. says:

    There is clearly a conflict of interests taking place. Brown is putting his own economic interests before the needs of the constituents. Brown should resign and give someone who cares about the constituents an opportunity to represent them.


  36. 96
    EdButLookBalls says:

    He’s prioritising his time in averting nuclear disasters, Gordoom’s out in the Pennsylvania Area saving the Sylvanian Families from the Three Mile island Disaster !


  37. 99
    Double entendre intentionnel says:



  38. 103
    Sir William Waad says:

    Levels of the subatomic particle known as the strange moron have peaked at 0.2 milibands.


  39. 107
    Ramrod says:

    He doesn’t care about Kirkaldy, he’s too busy cosying up to hedge fund traders.


  40. 111
    The Watson Watcher. says:

    Never mind the Angus Hoon, what is Tom Watson up to???????


    • 115
      Rat's arse says:

      Exactly Watson Watcher! I want that fat sw.ne bought to book. He truly is a nasty, offensive, t.sser.
      Come on Guido, work your magic and let’s get this two-faced b.astard once and for alll.


  41. 114
    Jimmy says:

    You may have missed this story amongst all the gay sex and stationary scandals but Scotland has its own government now.


  42. 116
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    What goes thud… thud… thud…?

    Me walking around with my wank sock on


    • 137
      Nurse Botha says:

      Yes, dear. I’ve noticed that when Mr. Brown is walking around *pleasuring* his tiny weener, he tends to bump into things.


  43. 117

    Clearly the man is is completely dysfunctional at every level of human existence.

    Yet he became prime minister. Says a lot about our political system…


  44. 127
    Incoming says:


  45. 128
    Ah! Monika says:

    Can someone in the Beeb spill the beans on why Huhne didn’t turn up for Newsnight last night.


  46. 131
    Olly says:

    He truly must have super-human qualities if he is present on two continents at the same time!



  47. 132
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    i am a bum sniffer


  48. 143
    Gordon Brown says:

    I do not concern myself with unimportant constituency business. I am too busy saving the world.


  49. 145
    Sexual Assaults Alert says:

    O/T Guido, Benjamin Boateng who escaped from South Africa after being accused of rape – his Daddy is the former Labour Chief Secretary to the Treasury and was Ambassador to South Africa at the time – is back in court in the UK accused of another sexual assault.

    Read all about it


    • 155
      Airey Belvoir says:

      And Boateng’s (black) wife was in trouble in South Africa for bullying and abusing her (black) servants while living high on the hog there on the British taxpayer. What a charming family.


      • 180
        Anon says:

        In one of Argos shops in Edgware Road 1995 in came Paul Boateng who did’nt have a f*cking clue how to fill out the simple order form with the catalogue numbers, he did’nt politely ask for help, he just arrogantly demanded to be shown I quietly said F*ck Off & walked out. His attitude then was a bloody rude ignorant PIG & nothing has changed since then, except the size of his head plus his delusions of grandeur;Yet another ZanuLieLabor sh*t who should have been sectioned under the Mental Health Act, just like Jonah now has, years ago.


    • 170
      Handycock Trougher, Pervert and Russian Spy says:

      Sounds like a man after my own heart.


  50. 151

    David could do something about this, and Boost the the Scottish Tory party in the same breath, go up there and have a look and sort it out for himself. Have him announce that he is going to be MP for the day for that location because they don’t seem to have one.

    Even better, why not pass a “People’s Bill” stating that All MPs promise to have at least 1 Surgery a month? If they don’t then they loose a months Pay.

    What MP could object to that, after all they are voted in for and by those locals so they should want to meet them.

    Never happen, another one of those, this would work, but they will never do it ideas.


  51. 161
    Gordon Brown, monger of the county says:

    Gi’s a job, I could do that hedgey business


  52. 162
    Alistair Darling says:

    Gordon Brown

    Oxygen thief !!

    nuff said


  53. 164
    YorkshireLad says:

    It would be right to say the Jonah has lost touch with reality though I doubt he’s ever been in touch with it.


  54. 171
    larry the cat says:

    Gordons gone nuclear again then….temper temper!


  55. 175
    The Truth says:

    How do you embed youtube videos?


  56. 182
    Kitchener of Khartoum says:

    It looks as if he’s determined to be New Labour’s answer to Ted Heath i.e. a brooding, malign yet completely useless presence, who has succeeded in convincing himself that he is a titanic, clever and important politician who has been the instrument of great change.

    That last is definitely true. Heath hung us out to dry with his “Common Market” whilst this chump has bankrupted us.

    It’s a wonder his gormless electorate don’t chuck him out, but I suppose it’s always possible they don’t even know he’s their “honorary MP”.


  57. 184
    Cream Puff says:

    The story is actually more serious, if thats possible, which the Scotsman has reported.
    The MOD, who are responsible for dumping the Radiated waste in Dalgety Bay, are refusing to clean it up and are refusing to let any of its scientists go near the place for, and I quote ‘the danger of contracting Cancer’
    The MOD have maintained that the waste is made up of old world war 2 aircraft dials that had Radium pigmented on to them to enable pilots to see them in the dark.
    Lately SEPA report that the Radion levels are much higher than they should be
    The locals are indeed up in arms about this, but its not something that just happened, the radioactive particles have been appearing on a regular basis for at least the last 10 years, but has recently got worse. Yet Brown is now where to be seen


  58. 185
    Cream Puff says:

    Correction to wheres Gordon – he is apparently SPAIN
    spouting his guff



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