October 14th, 2011

Friday Caption Contest (Survival Tips Edition)


200 Comments

  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “Got any Pointers chris?”

  2. 2
    boulay says:

    “so, you’re saying i can do some really stupid things with my ministry, behave outside of normal protocol, get involved in briefing and leaking and still hold on to my job, AND i can leave my wife for someone who likes dong it with people of the same sex?”

  3. 3
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “I bagsy top bunk in the cell!”

  4. 4
    Steve Miliband says:

    Lesby friends
    Homo you don’t

  5. 5
    Technomist says:

    So it was Werrity behind the wheel all along?

  6. 6
    Ed the fed says:

    “So you say wives are generally happy to take the blame for this kind of thing then, Chris?”

    “Oh yeah, the only reason mine’s being such a mardy cow is because I told her I’m shagging a lesbian.”

    “Ah……”

  7. 7
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “Whatever happens the BBC will still employ us”

  8. 8
    boulay says:

    fox preferred to spend time with cocks rather than chicks.

  9. 9
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “More chance of Billy Bowden winning Guidos caption contest than us resigning”

  10. 10
    Audemus Dicere says:

    Best caption so far!

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    How does Gab*y Be*tin fits into this? Fox has a network it even goes into PM’s office.

  12. 12
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “Sorry Liam, I may be a Lib Dem but i dont wan your Fox in my box”

  13. 13
    stanlycam says:

    I ran over a fox the other day , took days to die,better keep that mouth shut

  14. 14
    capt apollo says:

    lets employ the mandleson defence and we will be quids in!

  15. 15
  16. 16
    Ed P says:

    How about getting Werrity & my squeeze together? That’d keep the media happy working out who’s gay!

  17. 17

    A Rabbi a priest and Dave walk into a bar

  18. 18
    jockstrap says:

    no business like show business and no publicity like bad publicity, and the best pensions in the world yet to be collected lol

  19. 19
    Ha hah! says:

    Huhne to Fox

    “And I thought my Cabinet seat was the stickiest”

  20. 20
    nell says:

    “Perhaps we could sell our survival experience to gaddafi”

  21. 21
    Sir William Waad says:

    Liam just couldn’t bring himself to swallow.

  22. 22

    Stop me if you have heard this one before…

  23. 23
    bof says:

    Yes Liam, I am ashamed too. You are correct, as honorable men, we should both resign.

  24. 24
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Ps I really really really wanna win this week :-)

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    “I wasn’t behind the wheel”
    “I wasn’t behind the Werrity”

  26. 26
    Mahmood Veriz says:

    You’re not going to win with that entry or am I missing the joke – is it about a fox in the No10 garden?

  27. 27
    Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I am reely on a roll with wittiest conversations – shame their is not a first, second and thrid prizes becasue I could win them all

  28. 28
    Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    dont you guys know how to use twitter – almost nobody is following me yet

  29. 29
  30. 30

    Chris Huhne: “Has the cat got your tongue?”

    Liam Fox: “No. I’ve just had his cream.”

  31. 31
  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    try saying something funny for a change

  33. 33
    misterned says:

    “Look Chris, the labour government had bureaucracy loaded so heavy and tight that Werrity needed back-door access to officials and industry”.

    “Yes, but, that’s not all he needed back door access to was it Liam?”

  34. 34
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Billy many of us would rather follow Hitl`r to his eternal punishment

  35. 35
    Steve Miliband says:

    ”That went well”

  36. 36
    ;) says:

    What’s it like having a bi-sexual lover, Chris?

    …my lips are sealed.

  37. 37
    Tom says:

    Both: ‘You’re fucked!’

  38. 38
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “We make Labour look whiter than white”

  39. 39
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Fox: ha-ha, werrity won’t be dobbing me in.

  40. 40
    SonofBoudicca says:

    “Elementary my dear Dr Fox. I’m ahead on points; you’re behind on the w(v)erity.

  41. 41
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Huh’me Foxed.

  42. 42
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    .. so you make sure you can prove Adam was nearby so he can take the points why didn’t i think of that.

  43. 43
    Mr Plum says:

    Fox – Some bum split on us

  44. 44
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “We could be the Bonnie and Clyde of politics”

  45. 45
    Anonymous says:

    Gabby Bertin is PM’s official spokeswoman. She has full access to PM’s office and very close to Fox and his “friend”. There could be more people in the ring at least 5 current MPs were involved in the doggy charity, some are senior ministers.

    Also Gabby Bertin was the one who set up Fox’s doggy charity.

  46. 46
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “I heard Fox Huhnting is now a Olympic sport”

  47. 47
    Well it's something says:

    Same here, who cares about hints to leave, they can’t touch us.

  48. 48
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Dunno if you noticed but this is the caption contest?

  49. 49
    Steve Miliband says:

    Apparently Letwin was not too keen on my Carbon tax. Know any Lobbyists?

  50. 50
    Well it's something says:

    Tick, tick, tick, two time bombs are better than one.

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    Its about Cameron’s official spokeswoman and the link with Fox.

  52. 52
    Steve Miliband says:

    ”There could be more people in the ring” Oh er missus

    ”at least 5 current MPs were involved in the doggy charity” – woof woof

  53. 53
    gildedtumbril says:

    I’m a bigger huhne than you.

  54. 54
    Well it's something says:

    One party, two party, three party four, guess you win, the public won’t.

  55. 55
    Stan Butler says:

    Fox; “Bugger me Chris, it looks like I’m for the high jump”!
    Huhne; “A freudian slip Liam, or a request”?

  56. 56
    Chris Huhne says:

    At least we are not as much in the shit as Handycock. The trial starts today of Katya, his Intern, he is shitting hinself about what is going to come out. Let’s just count our blessings eh Liam.

  57. 57

    “Let me give you a few points…”

  58. 58
    J. McCullough says:

    Well Liam how about if you say you were driving my car that night and I’ll say I was the one in your room the night of the robbery?

  59. 59
    Portaloo says:

    Fox: “How about you say I was shagging your wife and I’ll say Werrity was driving.”

  60. 60
    Well it's something says:

    which party are you with?, I wouldn’t have guessed I thought we were all the same.

  61. 61
    Luke G says:

    Chris: My Wife is my Defense, Liam. What’s yours?

    Liam: Um. Hmmm.

  62. 62
    Steve Miliband says:

    Why are you replying to your own, off topic, comments?

  63. 63
    nell says:

    http://news.sky.com/home/politics/article/16088982

    the UK Minister for Defence as an aside ” good job MI5/6 are such rubbish otherwise they’d know all about my movements, money supply and friends”

  64. 64
    adomac says:

    One bubble with both mouths speaking into it, saying “It’s a bum rap”.

  65. 65
    Well it's something says:

    Changes are few after the public votes, but the people are the same.

  66. 66
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “Does my ego look big in this?”

  67. 67
    Portaloo says:

    Huhne: “You appear to be finding that hard to swallow, Liam.”

  68. 68
    titfer says:

    druggy fuckhead

  69. 69
    Taxed to death says:

    Huhne : “I’ll be buggered if I am going to resign, over such a little lie”

    Fox :”I’ll lie and say that I have not been buggered”

  70. 70
    Anonymous says:

    It never worked for me.

  71. 71
    Well it's something says:

    Change of course we had change, it was our turn

  72. 72
    Nostradamus says:

    “Don’t worry Liam, I left my wife for a man and still kept my job….”

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    … “so, still think you’ve got a shot at the leadership?”

  74. 74
    speedy gonzales says:

    fast and furious

  75. 75
    Well it's something says:

    The spotlight turns on two of the finest British politician’s, my doctor says Iam not mad.

  76. 76
    Why does Billy bother says:

    read his crap comments above – the fact that he thinks that any of those comments might be witty is actually quite funny

  77. 77
    seedy gonzales says:

    bi bi

  78. 78
    Front bench cubicle club says:

    “Liam, it’s just the old Adam, I suppose.”

    “He’s not that old.”

  79. 79
    simon r says:

    well that is the winner – no point me trying to better it.

  80. 80
    Tinker Tailor Soldier Spoof says:

    Chris says to Liam “don’t worry about the smoking gun I asked Oliver (Letbin) to dispose of the evidence on Monday….” Liam replies, “that’s funny I asked him to dispose of your evidence on Tuesday…but we should both be safe…He said it would as simple as a walk in the park..”

  81. 81
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Guido should have got himself an each way bet!

  82. 82
    Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    as a responsible security operative, i am reguliry checked for drugs and i have never failed a test – time for a full refund for you my freind

  83. 83
    seedy gonzales says:

    Chris I am right behind my intern and back him to the hilt

  84. 84
    Widescreen2010 says:

    ‘I’ve got 50 Quid on you going first.’
    ‘So have I.’

  85. 85
    Mr Plum says:

    Chris – I’ve never been in a deeper hole than this.
    Liam – Have you not met Werritty, he’s pulled me out of a few tight spots in the past.

  86. 86
    Well it's something says:

    Well you can tell the public anything and the class structure still protects us.

  87. 87
    NeilMc says:

    “Not to worry Liam, I’m sure Vicky will be happy to take the rap for you”

  88. 88
    Well it's something says:

    The boys at play ,while the public queue for the latest piece of bling.

  89. 89
    John says:

    Now we’re both on Fox news

  90. 90
    filipinomonkey says:

    The two finalists of the X cabinet minister go head to head…

  91. 91
    Billy Bowden in the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    New thread guys – you either in front of Billy or your behind him

  92. 92
    Well it's something says:

    So are we getting good odds, good the cabinet say we are ok the christmas party is still on.

  93. 93
    Minced Pie says:

    The Hunhe to Discreted Fox:-

    ‘I’ll say Werritty was driving my car.’

    ‘I shag lessas and you bat for the other side, so lets form a political party and call it the Liberal party!’

  94. 94

    Fox: “So its agreed. We need a sacrificial diversion.”
    Huhne: “I’ll Twitter the Mirror about Letwin.”

  95. 95
    Minced Pie says:

    You can run that on my trundle strip.

  96. 96

    So I said to the Judge, don’t you know who I am?

  97. 97
    Brian says:

    After You!
    No – After you!
    No – After you!
    No, I insist, After you!
    No, No – After you!
    etc.
    etc…

  98. 98
    Grumpy Old Git says:

    “Did you think that it’s time to talk to Laws to see how he passes the time now?”

    “He might be one of your chums but I’m not taking anny advice from hime”

    Take your pick who says what!

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    Coming Soon: Enigminster … The continuing journey of 2 [ministerial] code breakers and how they got away with it using secret methods found at St James’s Park (in the bin)

  100. 100

    The fix is in, did you get your money down on Letwin?

  101. 101
    Stinkfinger says:

    Huhne: Thanks for taking the heat off me for a while Liam
    Fox: My pleasure old chap,now if Oliver plays his part we should both be in the clear.Hope it is something good.

  102. 102
    Ha hah! says:

    Too Far and Too Fast on the finish line.

  103. 103
    Wear the Fox hat says:

    Fox: “So let’s get this straight. Your advice is always give it to the wife?”

  104. 104

    Huhne: I’m so pleased you’ve come out Liam. I thought I was the only gay in cabinet.
    Fox: I didn’t say I was gay. I said I was bent.

  105. 105
    Odeston says:

    ” Catch me if you can ! “

  106. 106
    Clagnets says:

    “You’ll never last mate. You’ve been shagging a man, the prime minister hates you, half of Westminster has 50 quid on you going next at ladbrokes, you’re a threat to national security, you look like a pig, you have the moral stature of Fred West, and your leadership ambitions are in tatters.”

    “Oh Liam, I know.”

  107. 107
    moldvarpa says:

    He couldn’t have infected both of us, could he?

  108. 108
    vladikavkaz says:

    Huhne: I’d watch where you’re going, you’re about to step in some poo.
    Fox: Do you want a business card?

  109. 109
    I'll have some of that..... says:

    Dave’s too weak to sack us…..

    …..or back us….!

    See you in Dubai

    Drive safely…….

  110. 110

    Well, whatever happens, we’ll both be better remembered than Chris Mullin.

  111. 111

    Fox: So, you’ll take Adam as your unpaid special adviser?

    Huhne: Sure, when can he start?

    Fox: Just as soon as the incorporation papers for the “HippyGreen-windfarm-solaris energy company” are signed.

  112. 112
    John Wilkes says:

    At lease we haven’t been caught being ridden by a small man overusing the whip – then we really would lose public sympathy

  113. 113
    vladikavkaz says:

    Huhne: so what do me, you and Ed Balls have in common?
    Fox: We’re all failed leadership contenders that have done something in the past that we all regret?
    Huhne: No we’re all c*nts.

  114. 114

    Well I never! Both of us got our wives from the same mail order catalogue that Gordon Brown used.

  115. 115
    Dalai Llama Ding Dong says:

    MajorDomoHuhne ” Ever see “Strangers On A Train” wee man?”
    WeeHune ” Aye alright I did big yin.”
    MajorDomoHuhne ” Sooo …you do Vicky…”
    WeeHune ” Aaaand … you do Adam…”
    MajorDomoHuhne ” And I’ll be in Scotland afor ye!”
    WeeHunhe ” I’ll take the low road, But me and my true love,Will never meet again,On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.”
    MajorDomoHuhne ” Nor the bonnie, bonnie banks of Dubai, Sri Lanka, Florida, Singapore, Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi…”
    MajorDomoHuhne ” Barman, trebles all round!!!”
    WeeHuhne ” Nay chance, I’ll have a Pina Colada Hamish, the usual Pink Ubrella!”

  116. 116
    Fenbeagle says:

    Huhne….’Still……..It could be worse.’

  117. 117

    Huhne : I must say Milband’s been very quiet about all of this.

    Fox: He’s exceeded his weekly Broadband-wagon width.

  118. 118

    Coming up next on Embarrassing Buddies ….

  119. 119
    Two Eds are worse than one says:

    Huhne “I’ll race you to the departures lounge”
    Fox “I would prefer that we went together”

  120. 120
    I Squiggle says:

    You and me both, Liam, you and me both..

  121. 121
    tory boys never grow up says:

    Do you need a chauffer Chris? I know just the man.

  122. 122
    vladikavkaz says:

    Huhne: So Adam tells me that you’ve got a fantastic pylon. You should enter it into the competition I’m judging.
    Fox: Er…

  123. 123
    YorkshireLad says:

    Huhne “Take a tip from me Liam, blame everyone else”

  124. 124
    tory boys never grow up says:

    How long do you have to hang on to get the pension?

  125. 125
    Jeffrey Bernard says:

    Psycopath: “If only my wife had kept her lips as tightly sealed as yours”

  126. 126
    Anonymous says:

    winner

  127. 127
    Anonymous says:

    “Fuck it, I thought you said Letwin was a safe pair of hands in the disposal business..”

  128. 128
    Keith Chegwin says:

    is that a caption?

  129. 129
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Did you say that Werrity has a driving licence?

  130. 130
    David Parker says:

    After you, Liam,
    No, after You Chris.

  131. 131
    Toryboy says:

    If you admit to borrowing my car, I’ll let Werritty stay at mine for a bit.

  132. 132
    Anonymous says:

    Ok Liam, if you’re sure its not your phone, you must have some else set to vibrate.

  133. 133
    Toryboy says:

    If you get Werritty to admit driving my motor, I’ll let you and him borrow the spare room when your wife is in town.

  134. 134
    graham smith says:

    publishers advances on memoirs are not what they used to be

  135. 135
    Toryboy says:

    That is very funny.

  136. 136
    Andrew says:

    “So, Chris, Adam’s run off with Carina. Guess this leaves us… how about a bit of ‘carpooling’?”

  137. 137
    Rat's arse says:

    You just might win with that caption Billy. Nice one mate! :)

  138. 138
    simple soul says:

    Both: Gizza job, go on, gizza job.

  139. 139
    Trinny says:

    It’s OK I disposed of the evidence in a bin in the park…..

  140. 140
    Bigal says:

    Thank you, thank you Liam please keep this going for another couple of weeks.

  141. 141
    pundit says:

    At least the voters have forgotten Britain doesn’t have a credible defence either.

  142. 142

    Mine goes Brazilian…what about yours?

  143. 143
    Voice of Reason says:

    The partnership of Tories and Lib Dems – don’t you just love them.

  144. 144
    Anonymous says:

    Huhne: I’d offer to get Carina to say that she spent the night with the two of you, but , well, you know the problem with that …

    Fox: Kind offer Chris but we need something at least vaguely believable …

  145. 145
    Anonymous says:

    Ok, I was driving the car and you were in Sri Lanka

  146. 146
    albacore says:

    “I am the monarch of the sea,
    The ruler of the Queen’s Navee,
    Whose praise Great Britain loudly chants.”

    “Now, now, lad. Keep it in your pants.”

  147. 147
    Anonymous says:

    I’m not sure what to suggest Liam, I don’t suppose he has a dog does he? Shooting the dog sometimes works for our party!

  148. 148
    LabourNutter says:

    “Try blaming the Missus…”

  149. 149
    Icarus says:

    Do you think you can sell Sri Lanka a secondhand wind farm?

  150. 150
    PSMProductions says:

    Fox: I have never been so shafted in all my life!

    Huhne: Really? Thats not what Adam told me……………

  151. 151
    Peter says:

    I think I’m f*cked !!

    Me Too !!

    Fancy a shag ??

  152. 152
    Ed says:

    “I’ve got 30 minutes to kill the tory”

  153. 153
    Westminster Badfellas says:

    Liam smirks as Chris explains he’s just heard what the phrase arse bandit means.

    Oh how they laughed, knowing that all of Westminster are bandits of one kind or another.

  154. 154
    Matt says:

    “I don’t understand, Liam, why did you allow a cad like Werritty to penetrate your intimate circle?”

  155. 155
    The Society of Westmister Pocket Liners says:

    Liam about to choke as Chris protests his innocence.

  156. 156
    Lord Vader of Rannoch says:

    “One thing I do know Liam: I’d rather be screwed by Natalie Imbruglia than by the CPS.”

  157. 157
    TatSyrup says:

    Tatifilarious!

  158. 158
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    I‘m a porky pieer myself. But I do like to hear a professional at it so carry on Chrissie ol’ luv!

  159. 159

    “There’s no shame in it Liam. You gave it a good go. But you’re just not ready to take me on.”

    “You’re right Chris. I was stupid to even attempt the ‘world hanging on on to your job by you fingertips endurance record.’I’ll quit soon.”

  160. 160
    Sneaky Pete says:

    “What’s that your humming?”
    “Baby you can drive my car and maybe I’ll love you, do do do do dododo ”
    “I love the Beatles.” “Here I stand, head in hand, turn my face to the wall….”

  161. 161
    The Society of Westminster Pocket Liners says:

    Liam, have you ever though of trying Morocco, apparently very popular with Mandleson, quite a discreet venue, thought of trying it myself, no speed limits you know!

  162. 162
    froggy says:

    Huhne says :”well the one thing we have in common Foxy old chap is weve both been caught out driving it home”.

  163. 163
    Not The Only Gay In Westminster Village says:

    Liam bights his tongue as he hears the news that Matthew Paris has outed Chris.

  164. 164
    Not The Only Gay In Westminster Village says:

    bites, even.

  165. 165
    Anonymous says:

    ” I’m Looking for a Driver …. But so’s the Police !

  166. 166
    cmack3000 says:

    Huhne – “well i reckon one of us will be getting a good shafting before the days over”

    Fox – “What exactly are you trying to say Chris?”

    Huhne – “Just that one of us will be getting shown the back door”

  167. 167
    Anonymous says:

    In Hindsight.. Yerrr’s Eye’s in your arse

  168. 168
    Anonymous says:

    Huhne: At least you’ve kept your dignity!
    Fox: At least I’ve kept my airmiles!

  169. 169
    spongsdad says:

    Fox: “Should I go first Chris?”
    Huhne: “Thanks Liam. That’s just the ticket”

  170. 170
    Anonymous says:

    what’s with the white font ????

  171. 171
    unablogger says:

    Just act cool Liam, just act cool

  172. 172
    Philip McArthur says:

    ” Well Liam, you are very welcome to borrow my dyke if it helps.”

  173. 173
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Fox Off Hunt.

  174. 174
    Cunning Plan says:

    Time to enjoy some male company I think

  175. 175
    Jackjackster says:

    If you take the points I’ll also give you a reach around

  176. 176
    Anonymous says:

    “Why make do with the lezza’s strap on when i can sort you the real thing?”

  177. 177
    Anonymous says:

    Liam, I wouldn’t worry if I were you Guidofawkes said that you are safe. Meanwhile I am apparently out in a matter of days

  178. 178
    Robert says:

    Have any hot tips to place a bet on at the book markers?

  179. 179
    Benjamin_The_Donkey says:

    A photo of the Fox with the Hen – Priceless!

    Fox “You have to watch your back in this game……”

    Huhne “Don’t worry I’m right behind you!”

  180. 180
    Mike Manning says:

    Huhne: Anything to worry about?
    Fox: No, it’s all sorted. Letwin has disposed of the evidence and we’ll both be in the clear. What could possibly go wrong?

  181. 181
    Seb coe's a cunt says:

    Iv’e got a DWI & you’ve got a mouthful of spunk !!

  182. 182
    Seb coe's a cunt says:

    regurgitate, regurgitate. (5 a day ?)

  183. 183
    Seb coe's a cunt says:

    Stop

  184. 184
    robbie says:

    with my record I’ll never get on Top Gear

    with my record I’ll never get on Top Gun

  185. 185
    Anonymous says:

    errrm…… is it fucked up & two smoking barrels ?

  186. 186
    danger mouse says:

    Of course, if he was your wife…

  187. 187
    jm says:

    You’ll have to spit it out eventually, Liam, just be careful where you do it.

  188. 188
    Anonymous says:

    Map of Britain) John O’Scoats to Bell End (the Low road

  189. 189
    Gene Hunt says:

    Huhne: “In order to maintain the reputations of Members of Parliament I really think that you ought to go Liam.”

  190. 190

    CH: You’ve never had it so good.

    LF: I’ve never had it so often.

  191. 191
    LabourNutter says:

    LF: I just can’t for the life of me figure out how those bastards in the press found out about Adam.
    CH: I know, I know – it’s like whoever leaked it left no fingerprints…

  192. 192
    Bottoms Up says:

    LF. “I think it’s my turn to be on top tonight.”
    H “It Is, I’m still a bit sore from last night.”

  193. 193
    Anonymous says:

    Personally, I always felt it was much better to blame the missus, rather than the bit on the side!!

  194. 194
    opinicus says:

    The winner

  195. 195
    Hengis says:

    oaf1: Fancy coming back to my place?
    oaf2: Ok, but you do the driving.

  196. 196
    Taxed to death says:

    “Once I have been sacked I hope to become as rich as Mandleson”

    “Yes so do I”

  197. 197
    Geordieboy says:

    You quit the booze Liam and I will quit lying

  198. 198
    Beardfromcentralcasting says:

    Not a very pretty lesbian at that

  199. 199
    Beardfromcentralcasting says:

    yep – wins

  200. 200
    OldWiddersGusset says:

    The thing is I sent Dave this letter explaining it all, but I gave it to Oliver to post!

    or

    F) Look can I be frank with you?

    H) No you were frank last night.


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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