September 28th, 2011

Reshuffle Rumours, Runners and Riders
McKechin, Hillier and Flint in Trouble

The one good thing Ed has got out of this conference is an end to the Shadow Cabinet elections. He can now clear out the rot and he has more than his fair share of underwhelming baggage. Hilary Benn, Meg Hillier, the Eagles, Caroline Flint, Ann McKechin and Ivan Lewis are all names being bandied around for the chop…

On Monday’s Newsnight Prezza accused many of the Shadow Cabinet of not pulling their weight in the planning row, explicitly suggesting that a reshuffle is required after it was left to the National Trust and charities to fight the government. This could only be a direct attack on the shadow local government minister Caroline Flint. During the riots she was nowhere to be seen and the Tories smell blood here. The problem for Ed is the majority of the under-performers around him are wimmin and yet the Shadow Cabinet must be at least 31% female. This could save Flint, but is also good news for those ladies looking to work their way up the ladder – Rachel Reeves (Oxon. PPE) is tipped for promotion, though she better keep quiet about her years in the banking sector. Labour insiders are also tipping Emma Reynolds (Oxon, PPE) and honorary sister Chuka… 


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    So he has had enough of “winow dressing” then?

    • 8
      Alan Partridge says:

      Sub-human scum

    • 10
      Confused of North Queensferry says:

      Why does it have to be 31% female?

      There are 27 people in the shadow cabinet so 31% would equal 8.37 wimmin. I take it Mrs Balls is the one who is 0.37 woman and 0.63 other.

      • 38
        Anonymous says:

        What about the man who think he is a bad dogs or the same one who wants to have women on women sex? Forgotten he is in another party.

      • 40
        • 122
          David Laws Lib Dem fiddler says:

          I’m glad two of the candidates are Oxbridge PPE graduates the two of them plus Balls equals five!! Innumerate fck wits the lot of them. I can only assume that espionage is rife at Oxbridge to undermine the Uk through the British establishment knowing all parties select PPE graduates who later become chancellor or shadow chancellor. Which ever country is sponsoring this has done a first class job in fcking up our economy.

          • David Laws Lib Dem fiddler says:

            Guido, you forgot to say the quota does not apply to MPs employing their spouse or family member. After all they are employed to bolster the salary of the MP, a bit like the second home is to bolster their pension.

            Time for cut backs in MPs staffing, pay, pension and expenses. I’ll ask Ed as he is on line and he wants to correct the social failings of Britain, we might as well start with this lot of corrupt fckers!!

      • 55
        Bill d'Sarse says:

        You are forgetting, Harriet the Harpie deemed Ed an honorary woman.

    • 12
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      Very good. 999 to go.

    • 23
      Jethro Q Walrus-Titty says:

      Rarely has such in your face loser such as “Vicks Inhaler” come to the fore.Luckily the same forces that brought him to his lofty but limited ascendancy will be the same reasons for his ultimate and absolutely inevitable failure.

      Rejoice and long may he may continue.

    • 42
      The Grim Reaper says:


      @RoryJamesWealRory Weal
      @lukejcr saw your email address on the list of people in the Newsnight audience, should be good!
      23 Sep via web


      BBC Insider Trading.

      Looks like another BBC-National Socialist Workers Party set up.

    • 58
      AC1 says:

      Here’s a hint to all parties…

      IF a candidate’s got a PPE reject them.

      • 65
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        I shall go with the marxist paradigm:

        Reject any candidate who aspires to be in the cabinet.

      • 69
        M'learned Friend's Friend says:

        I was about to suggest that even a pig could get in if it had done PPE at Oxon but that could be very insulting to those already there.

      • 94
        Another Engineer says:

        The problem isn’t the degree, it is the people that aspire to do it.

        • 96
          AC1 says:

          But it’s still a good test of whom not the give the job to.

          • Another Engineer says:

            Agree, but they are merely a subset of “people who aspire to be politicians”. Those who think themselves capable of determining how other people should live before they’ve even lived themselves.

            Whatever happened to public service after achieving something in your first career?

        • 103
          sockpuppet #4 says:

          The degree or the job?

    • 115
      It doesn't add up... says:

      Aren’t they all a bunch of old women anyway?

    • 118
      Harriet Harman QC says:

      Jack Dromey would fulfull the requirement to be a woman

  2. 2
    Red Ed says:

    “You know, I’m not Tony Blair. I’m not Gordon Brown either.”

  3. 3
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    After his performance in relation to planning you’d think Prescott would have the self-awareness not to raise his head above the parapet.

    Mind you he’s always been pretty thick.

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I bet he wishes he could give Balls the chop.

  5. 5
    Luciana Berger says:

    Pick me Ed. I’m fed up with Chuka’s greasy pole.

  6. 6

    the Shadow Cabinet must be at least 31% female.

    Things looking up for Jack Dromey.

  7. 13
    Hillarious Benn says:

    Please may I get down from the table.

    I’ve finished whatever it was I was supposed to be doing here.

  8. 14
    The Penny Drops says:

    “Labour insiders are also tipping honorary sister Chuka.”

    So that’s why Luciana was back on Chuka’s greasy pole last night.

  9. 15
    The Bruvvers says:

    Oi Miliband – let us see that list and change it or we’ll give you another Chinese burn.

  10. 16
    dogsled says:

    Del Piero, Berger and Chuka will be preparing their acceptance statements now. Mark my words.

  11. 18
    simon r says:

    Not the lovely Ann McKechin – as Ozzy once said of Gary Moore ‘… has a face like a welder’s bench’

  12. 24
    Tony Bliar is a complete cunt says:

    What a motley f u c kin crew…..

  13. 25
    What a plonker. says:

    It does not matter how you re arrange the deck chairs ,they are all a bunch of losers that will go down with the good ship Socialist Labour at next
    general election led by Miliprat and Bollox.

  14. 26
    Mascarpone, I scream says:

    This “Oxon, PPE” thing is beyond coincidence.

  15. 27
    Gordon says:

    I will be returning to the cabinet later today as Prime Minister and Financial Saviour of the Known World.

    After I’ve done a poo in my sock.

  16. 29
    Anonymous says:

    I’d put balls on the chopping board

  17. 30
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Rory from Maidstone in with a chance…? Shadow Educayshun brief?

  18. 31
    Bogeyman says:

    What about Balls?

    I don’t wish to be rude but I have seen more beauty in the pus seeping from the suppurating boils of a mange-ridden dog.

    Raw sewage has more fragrance. Sludge oozing from the haemorrhoidal anus of a meths-addicted, piss-soaked, Whiskas-eating tramp is sweeter by far than the stench of this organism known as Balls.

    Like the slime-coated turd that he is, he should have been flushed down the toilet and converted to biomass years ago. (I avoid the term fertilizer in case it ends up on my roses, thereby poisoning them.)

  19. 36
    Brillo Fabricant says:

    Rachel Reeves should just keep quiet – she sounds like Janet Screetch-Portargh when she opens it, more a sarf lundun then a Leeds accent.

    Liz Kendall’s one to watch (History, Queens’ College, Cambridge) and so to is Dr Stella Creasy (Magdalene College, Cambridge, LSE).

    Benn is safe he’s one of the few performers as Shadow LoftH)

    Add Winterton, Byrne and Woodward to the endangered list.

  20. 39
    Rory says:

    As a member of the downtrodden masses under the thumb of these wicked Tory boo boys I am ready to serve and bring you the benefit of my long experience struggling against the odds.

    I’ll get Daddy to drop me off in his Merc when we get back from the Apple store.

  21. 41
    simon r says:

    Look at the picture above – oh to be that cameraman and have a hammer in my back pocket…

    • 59
      Madman says:

      Think bigger….much bigger…something to eradicate these useless Liebore chimps slowly, painfully and forever. It’s the least we can do.

  22. 43
    yeah, right.. says:

    That Shadow Cabinet in full.

    Mrs Bob Crow
    Ms Len McCluskey
    Miss Dave Prentice
    Mr Harriet Harman
    Miss Mark Serowotka….

    … nauseum

  23. 44
    Champagne socialism says:
  24. 45
    Keep It Simple, (very simple) says:

    What about that cuпt Shah, or has he got to stay to make up the figures for dodgy asian crooks?

  25. 46
    Chuky says:
  26. 47
    Mad Jock McMad says:

    Which big hitter is he going to make Shadow Scottish Secretary?

    MacKehin has been a total loss – SLAB vote share in Scotland the lowest for 70 years – worse when you take away the Libdems who voted Labour in Scotland.

    Hammered in May 2011 by the SNP, MacKehin’s number two Elmer Fudd left hiding in Subway from an irate Granny, their new saviour of Glasgow – Frank MacAveety – having his collar felt by the polis and dropped like a stone, Elmer has resigned but no one wants the job of Labour’s Scottish region puppet, yes I can just see all those Labour apparatchiks wanting Anne’s job ………

    In the meantime Labour’s big idea to stop the SNP – The Calman Commission – is having a new arsehole ripped as Cameron tries to force Jonah Brown and Wendy Alexander’s big hairy caterpillar of a Scotland Act Amendment Bill on a hostile Scotland…. …. Independent Scotland and bankrupt Westminster here we come …

  27. 48
  28. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Sad Cab Shuffle?

  29. 51
    Gonk says:

    I think they’re all valuable assets to the Shadow cabinet
    and should stay.

  30. 52
    Steve Miliband says:

    It’s really unfair to pick on a young and inexperienced politician after he spoke at conference. He may look a bit odd and speak weirdly but it is going too far to give him stick because of his privileged background. Leave Ed alone.

  31. 57
    Billy Bender says:

    Just thought I’d let you know who I would appoint into my kitchen closet, starting with the Eagle brothers! :)

  32. 72
    AnotherAnon. says:

    Spending our carbon credits like there’s tomorrow.

  33. 78
    Sir Robert Winstons says:

    Meg Hillier really has the most huge swollen tits, they are quite remarkable in fact

    I have oft pondered the merits and of course potential de-merits in asking if I can spunk my load between them.

  34. 79
    The Eagles says:

    Welcome to the Hotel Shadow Cabinetta
    We can check out any time we like

  35. 87
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    What was it that Fat Prezza said about good schools?

    Old quote about good ones.

  36. 89
    Red on Red says:

    The popularity table is as follows:

    1: Cooper
    2: Balls
    3: Burnham
    4: Alexander
    5: Harman
    6:= Denham
    6:= Murphy
    8: Benn
    9: Hain
    10: Khan
    11: Jowell
    12: Healey
    13: Eagle (Angela)
    14: Flint
    15: Byrne
    16: Lewis
    17: Eagle (Maria)
    18: Creagh
    19: Winterton
    20: Hillier
    21: Woodward
    22: McKechin

    • 90
      yeah, right.. says:

      Popular with whom?

    • 92
      yeah, right.. says:

      Numbers 10 – 22 will be reaching for the revolvers tonight. Imagine being less popular than Peter Hain.

    • 95
      Ability means nothing to Ed says:

      Typical Labour. They think popularity is the main reason to be a cabinet member and not ability. I see Shaun Woodward is just about bottom but it is generally accepted that he was a very good Northern Ireland Minister. Yet Yvette Balls is at the top and she was totally out of her depth introducing HIPS as the Housing minister.

      • 110

        Ahh yes.. That famous commons moment.

        Hansard – Cooper-Balls {minister communities and housing} “I remind the rt hon gen’lman that I do know what I’m doin’ and this legislation will ensure that people will want to take advantage of paying £400 for a piece of paper that no one really needs or reads.”

        Quango – William MP {Surreysex} – “I see no rushing crowds. I see no queues to hand over cash…in fact, seeing as the training courses cannot be completed before the legislation … I see no HIPS”


        • 124
          Fish says:

          Cooper-Balls {minister communities and housing} “I remind the rt hon gen’lman that I do know what I’m doin’…………..But for the life of me I can’t remember what house I declared as my main residence for Capital Gains Tax Purposes!

          Despite being almost invisible since the election her relationship with tesicles will ensure that she is not reshuffled out.

    • 102
      I don't need no doctor says:

      Does Harman not qualify for the list?

    • 104
      Bogeyman says:

      Fascinating. That is a near total reversal of the order any sane person would give.

      • 116
        Old Tory Bigot says:

        Precisely BM.

        This must be a new usage of the word ‘popularity’ that we were previously unacquainted with.

        It’s more like a list of who the public would like to stab.

    • 121
      Mad Jock McMad says:

      Shows what Labour supporters think of the Shadow Scottish Secretary or is that Scotland as a whole?

      In the meantime a ‘source’ in Labour’s Scottish region sock puppet control has basically said that two out of the three current applicants for Elmer Fudd’s job as chief sock puppet, Stairheid Rammy Lamont and ‘Who are you?’ MacKenzie are rubbish.

      Even for a Scot I’m finding it hard just keep up with who in Labour’s Scottish sock puppet control has whose knife (and in some cases knives) in their back.

  37. 100
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Labour the party built on sand.
    Someone should tell Ed the one about moving the deckchairs around on a sinking ship.

  38. 105
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Kevin_Maguire BREAKING NEWS: tom_watson back at the bar. And I don’t mean training to be a barrister. Though MPs say that would be less of a shock 7 minutes ago · reply · retweet · favorite

  39. 106
    The Sleeper says:

    Whatever happened to that silly cow who Labour stuck out in front of the cameras last year (?)….and who then got herself crucified by the media?

    Can’t remember her name…and, frankly, can’t be bothered to Google her.

    Where is she this year?

  40. 108
    Mickey Smithson says:

    I find It quite amusing that I’m so lazy, that I don’t even get up to go to the toilet.

    I usually just piss myself laughing.

  41. 109
    Engineer says:

    If Millipede wanted to inject some credibility into his front bench, he’d have to lose the economic architects of the last period of government – Balls, Cooper and Byrne in particular. Somehow, the possibility of their being handed economic responsibility again after the total disaster of their last attempt makes the Labour party look very unelectable. However, since they’re at the top of the popularity table (as selected by fellow MPs), his hands are tied. He is indeed between a rock and a hard place.

    Oh dear. How sad. Never mind…

  42. 113
    Anonymous says:

    FFS, Presclott telling others they aren’t pulling their weight.

    The fat twat doesn’t do irony, obviously.

  43. 126
    For what it's worth says:

    Interesting body language. Literally only one in the photo not showing hands above table is Ed Balls. Not mirroring your leader then Ed? Something to hide??

  44. 127
    gildedtumbril says:

    Shadows? More like shite. A sad bunch of no-hopers, and sadly, a reflection of those demented or deluded enough to vote for them.

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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