#AskEdM III – Conference Special

It seems our Ed is a glutton for punishment. He’s doing yet another Ask Ed event at 5.30 on Twitter. As ever Guido is making it easy for you to take part, all you have to do is click the box above and you are away. After his conference speech crashed and burned, the rumour doing the rounds is that he wrote it himself – hence why it was so terrible.

Click and ask him to explain…

Two Cokeheads

In the wake of Smeargate Gordon Brown said that there was “no place in politics” for the likes of Damian McBride and Derek Draper. They were rightly cast out of the fold. However as Guido has been reporting, Dolly’s slow political rehabilitation has begun. He was strutting round conference, head held high, pouring the champagne and pressing the flesh as if he hadn’t triggered one of the darkest moments in the Labour Party’s history. It wasn’t just activists and lefty bloggers willing to turn a blind eye, and in some cases greet him with open arms, look who was he was spotted hobnobbing with:

Yes that’s right, Miliband’s most senior adviser Tom Baldwin was happily chatting away with Dolly. The above picture was grabbed during Ed Miliband’s speech. We all know what happened last time Dolly got chatting with a Labour spindoctor…

Guido was greatly amused to be semi-threatened by a tanked up James Macintyre in the conference bar. Apparently Make-it-up-Macintyre was “surprised in the current climate” that we would be regurgitating those emails between him and Draper. What’s he going to do, get us sacked?

Reshuffle Rumours, Runners and Riders
McKechin, Hillier and Flint in Trouble

The one good thing Ed has got out of this conference is an end to the Shadow Cabinet elections. He can now clear out the rot and he has more than his fair share of underwhelming baggage. Hilary Benn, Meg Hillier, the Eagles, Caroline Flint, Ann McKechin and Ivan Lewis are all names being bandied around for the chop…

On Monday’s Newsnight Prezza accused many of the Shadow Cabinet of not pulling their weight in the planning row, explicitly suggesting that a reshuffle is required after it was left to the National Trust and charities to fight the government. This could only be a direct attack on the shadow local government minister Caroline Flint. During the riots she was nowhere to be seen and the Tories smell blood here. The problem for Ed is the majority of the under-performers around him are wimmin and yet the Shadow Cabinet must be at least 31% female. This could save Flint, but is also good news for those ladies looking to work their way up the ladder – Rachel Reeves (Oxon. PPE) is tipped for promotion, though she better keep quiet about her years in the banking sector. Labour insiders are also tipping Emma Reynolds (Oxon, PPE) and honorary sister Chuka… 

Rory Unreal: Ironic Tweet of the Day

Except his own private and grammar school one presumably… 

Palestinians Said to Want Blair Sacked from the Quartet

Intriguingly the Palestinian newspaper Al-Quds is running this:

“Diplomatic sources revealed today that the Quartet Committee intends to appoint a new peace envoy in the Middle East after receiving a Palestinian request to change the current envoy Tony Blair; the Palestinian request threatened that the Palestinian side will not accept any sponsorship by the Quartet Committee in the negotiations with Israel in case Blair remains in his position because of his ‘clear bias towards the Israeli side at the expense of the Palestinians’…”

Anyone seen Gordon recently? 

Rory Unreal: School Chums Slam Labour Lad’s Fakery

Sixteen-year-old conference darling Rory Weal had barely sat down before Guido’s inbox started to fill up. His schoolmates were particularly unimpressed with their rebranded chum:

“I attend Rory’s school and know full well that he does not speak in the way he did… the dropped letters all added to his persona..”

There was also some surprise from his classmates that while tear jerking in his speech that since the withdrawal of EMA-dole for students he can’t afford pencils for school, it seems he can in fact afford a £499 iPad to tweet his tales of poverty from:

Did he buy that with his EMA?

The Mail have details of the privately educated Rory’s privileged upbringing. When his property developer father’s firm went bust he had estates worth £2.25million and Rory experienced some social mobility, moving from his private school to a grammar school. Did nobody at Labour HQ take a moment to do a background check, or were they too busy tweaking the speech they wrote for him?

Whilst Rory has been compared to Tory Boy Hague, Guido thinks young Rory is more of a Blair in the making. Remember Tony’s mockney Estuary English. As with Rory the preferred narrative of that public school boy who went on to be PM was a bit more proletarian than the reality. As Rory’s grandma says, like Blair, “he’s a brilliant actor”…

Overnight News

In these austere times we can always rely on Derek Draper to show solidarity with the workers:

His close friend Gloria was showing a bit of leg:

Love is in the air according to a co-conspirator propping up the conference bar in the Jury’s Inn Hotel.

“Luciana and Chuka arrived hand in hand at the bar at Jury’s very late last night and were all over each other. It maybe back on.”

The beautiful people back together, Guido loves a happy ending…

“Something for Something” or Something

In an attempt to mop up the mess that yesterday’s speech has made, Red Ed took to the airwaves this morning and received a savaging on the Today program. His “not anti-business, but anti-business as usual” soundbite is neat, but the rest of the performance was pretty dire. When told focus groups find him weird the Son of Brown took his political father’s stance of pretending not to care and claiming that:

“It is absolutely about substance. I’ve got an old-fashioned view: substance wins out”

Which is weird giving the most insight and policy depth that we got from his speech was the revelatory “something for something”. Possibly the worst line going, after a “new bargain for Britain” of course…



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Out of the bubble prole Andy Burnham tells Mumsnet

“I’m afraid I’m going to depress you all by saying that I don’t have a sweet tooth and don’t eat biscuits… Give me a beer and chips and gravy any day.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

ENERGY MINISTER TOTTY WATCH: LAS VEGAS EDITION ENERGY MINISTER TOTTY WATCH: LAS VEGAS EDITION
DIANE ABBOTT FORGETS SHE DIDN’T THINK CORBYN COULD WIN DIANE ABBOTT FORGETS SHE DIDN’T THINK CORBYN COULD WIN
NATWEST’S ONLINE BANKING CRASHES ON PAYDAY NATWEST’S ONLINE BANKING CRASHES ON PAYDAY
OWEN JONES: LIE-RA OWEN JONES: LIE-RA
GMB UNION SUE UBER GMB UNION SUE UBER
Who Will Be UKIP’s Mayoral Candidate? Who Will Be UKIP’s Mayoral Candidate?

Meanwhile, in Venezuela… Meanwhile, in Venezuela…
TWITTER EMPLOYEES JUMP FROM SINKING SHIP TWITTER EMPLOYEES JUMP FROM SINKING SHIP
Times Trolls Burnham Times Trolls Burnham
CHAMPAGNE SOCIALISTS BACK CORBYN CHAMPAGNE SOCIALISTS BACK CORBYN
SINN FEIN SHOULD “TAKE INSPIRATION” FROM ARMED UPRISING SINN FEIN SHOULD “TAKE INSPIRATION” FROM ARMED UPRISING
ALL CHANGE AT GREEN PARTY HQ ALL CHANGE AT GREEN PARTY HQ
I Can’t Believe He’s Not Tory! I Can’t Believe He’s Not Tory!
UBER DESTROYING RACIST TAXI INDUSTRY UBER DESTROYING RACIST TAXI INDUSTRY
Could Labour Fall Apart Under Corbyn? Could Labour Fall Apart Under Corbyn?
Hilarious Prankster Hilarious Prankster
GREENPEACE LIVID GREENPEACE LIVID
Did Labour Leadership Candidates Smoke Dope? Did Labour Leadership Candidates Smoke Dope?
Another Andy Flip Flop Another Andy Flip Flop
Clegg Whores Himself Out Clegg Whores Himself Out
RETURN OF THE FRACKERS, CUADRILLA TO APPEAL RETURN OF THE FRACKERS, CUADRILLA TO APPEAL
FLASHBACK: TORY WHIP ON SCANDAL INVOLVING “SMALL BOYS” FLASHBACK: TORY WHIP ON SCANDAL INVOLVING “SMALL BOYS”
“Owen Jones is the 1%” “Owen Jones is the 1%”
Jedward Told to “F**k Off” By Indy Staff Jedward Told to “F**k Off” By Indy Staff
CLIMATE LOBBY DRAFT ARNIE CLIMATE LOBBY DRAFT ARNIE
MOD FORCED TO FIGHT RUSSIAN AGGRESSION… WITH TWEETDECK MOD FORCED TO FIGHT RUSSIAN AGGRESSION… WITH TWEETDECK
Mental Marxists: Tories Will Gas the Poor Mental Marxists: Tories Will Gas the Poor
MONEYBAGS BURNHAM TRAILS DESPITE SIX FIGURE FUNDING BONANZA MONEYBAGS BURNHAM TRAILS DESPITE SIX FIGURE FUNDING BONANZA
ROLL CALL OF LABOUR ‘MORONS’ ROLL CALL OF LABOUR ‘MORONS’