August 19th, 2011

Why The Cuts Are Needed


  1. 1
    Norris Stampton says:

    Why am I not surprised?

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Feb 1996

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    that’s a very poor tweet, Guido.

  4. 4
    The Hon. Amanda X-X MP (Lab, Doleton East & Tory-Gulag West) says:

    It’s a blog post.

  5. 5
    Jody Macintyre is a cunt says:

    Is there guidance on the guidance on guidance?

  6. 6
    Frankly, they're all thieving cunts. says:

    Chapter 1: Welcome to MP’s starting their terms
    Chapter 2: What exorbitant expenses you’re entitled to.
    Chapter 3: What exorbitant expenses you’re not entitled to.
    Chapter 4: What happens when you’re caught.
    Chapter 5: How to write a convincing apology.
    Chapter 6: See Chapter 1.

  7. 7
    The man with the keys to the cupboard says:

    What were the qualifications of the members of the inter-departmental working group which the job descriptons for the members of the selection panel for the committee which drafted the terms of reference for the Champion who tasked the advisory panel set up to monitor the performance of the team who scoped the parameters for the intial draft of this report before its circulation among all the stakeholders?

  8. 8
    The Official Secrets Act says:

    Who wants to know?

  9. 9
    The name's Ms Bercow and I take it up the arse says:

    But where is the Guidance on Guidance Guidance?

    Cabinet Office – Feb ’96…just who was in office then?

  10. 10
    Southern Softy says:

    This guidance is merely for guidance.
    If you require real guidance, you will be directed to
    “Guidance to the Guidance for the Guidance”.
    I hope that has made it clear.

  11. 11
    A bloke of a certain age says:

    I will respond to your query once I have taken some guidance on the matter.

  12. 12
    Baden Powell says:

    Nothing on scouting.

    Bl**dy feminsts

  13. 13
    Dr Patricia Proletariat-Endgame MBE (Oxford, SWP) says:

    I wrote that.

  14. 14
    Jim Hacker, Minister for Administrative Affairs says:

    I wondered where I’d left that

  15. 15
    Perry says:

    Cut them some slack, at least it’s an index to -useful- documents — or do they have one for -useless- documents as well?!

  16. 16
    transportinsider says:

    check the date. 1996. published under last con. govt.

  17. 17
    most post-war governments have just managed our decline, not accelerated it! says:

    Typical Socialist response to humor

  18. 18
    Jimmy says:

    A typically racy title from the administration that gave us the cones hotline.

  19. 19
    Voice of Reason says:

    Make sure you have enough money to pay mortgage, food, electric/heating etc, council tax, transport because October will bring in a new recession. Your house equity will fall, your wages will not be worth what they were a year ago and Osborne will be crying in his account sheets. You heard it here – mark my words – recession in October!

  20. 20
    Tachybaptus says:

    And yet cones existed (unlike, for example, weapons of mass destruction or the Big Society). And if every bit of legislation passed during the last fourteen years had been solely about the control of cones, the country would be in much better shape than it is.

  21. 21
    Chris Squire says:

    The document itself has disappeared.

  22. 22
    An insomniac civil servant says:

    A funny document title but not sure it is relevant to your argument. Whitehall is very slow to respond to change – no shit sherlock – but it a very different place today than it was 15 years ago. If you aren’t slightly embarrassed by what you were doing 15 years ago you haven’t grown up very much.That whole private sector good public sector bad attitude is part of the reason we are in such a mess – if we hadn’t been so in awe of the City we might not be so skint

  23. 23
    Boots McGonagle says:

    The three lines at the bottom have been photoshopped onto the pic.

  24. 24
    albacore says:

    What a hurtful suggestion.
    That responsibility falls within the aegis of the Comptroller of Knotted Handkerchiefs and Putting Larry The Cat Out At Night.

  25. 25
    Ron The Manager says:

    Small boys – jumpers for goalposts. mmmmmmm

  26. 26
    Florence Tyler says:

    My goodness-no wonder social workers are so stressed out with this level of paperwork and bureaucracy and back covering being inherent in many parts of the system.I passionately support the public sector but people like social workers are stopped from doing their jobs properly by excessive guidance and form filling.Its become a bigger time consumer in their job than actual protection of the vuvernable.Madness.

  27. 27
    Lord Michael Caine says:

    You could not make this stuff up if it was in ‘Yes Minister’ we could have a laugh but this is the real world and its not laughing matter.
    Proves again its easy to waste other people’s money.

  28. 28
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    im a happy camper

  29. 29
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    dont licke these middel of the night posts

  30. 30
    Jimmy says:

    To be fair, they may have been bastards but the Tory party was run by grown ups back then.

  31. 31
    Lord Prezza of Lardarse says:

    I need all the guidance I can get. If left to my own devices, I simply run off at my fat mouth without taking any breaths. Not many people can do that.

    You should have seen me on Newsnight. I kept interrupting too. What a star I am…

  32. 32
    Tachybaptus says:

    Passionately opposed as I am to everything you stand for, I have to agree. There is a film (Terry Gilliam’s Time Bandits? I dunno) where the hero blunders into the home of the gods, and finds that they are all little children squabbling and kicking each other and bursting into tears. That’s the feeling I get now, in all the parties.

  33. 33
    Onehunedreadand85notout says:

    Agree with the Photo-shopped comment.. You do yourself little favour, showing such ‘modified’ crap! Sticking to factual information is all that’s required.

  34. 34

    Classics on Twitter (cont.)

    Anselm – Proslogion 1078 (Presented out of sequence by prompting from Sir William Waad)

    God’s rational necessity (the ontological argument). Because you can imagine none greater, She must exist etc.. It’s like Guido’s death pen. Not everyone likes it – not even God. Anselm’s dilecto dilectori sound decidedly iffy too.

    [Note: Abelard was born during Alselm’s time. He was a lot more fun – at first.]

  35. 35
    Ilove Tony Discipline says:

    Anything thats overprescriptive hinders the creative dynamic process.Some health and safety, back up plans are essential but overkill is counterproductive.Simplify simplify simplify!

  36. 36
    Your line manager says:

    As a civil servant you should know that the correct English is ‘different from’ and not ‘different than’ which is (of course) American. Your ignorance will be reflected in your next appraisal.

  37. 37
    smoggie says:

    And secondly, you must be a pirate for the pirate’s code to apply and you’re not
    . And thirdly, the code is more what you’d call “guidelines” than actual rules.

  38. 38
    Twat says:

    Then take your refund and fuck off Billy

  39. 39
    Sir John Major says:

    Back to basics lol

  40. 40
    Lord Micklewhite says:

    Yes but – in 1996 the civil service propagated information via handouts – lots of them Today there’s the internet/office automation.

    Think of the booklet as a pre HTML site-map.

  41. 41
    Popeye says:

    It figures, bureaucrats are a total waste of space and money.
    That’s my guidance on the future.

  42. 42
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    So the west pours in a shed load of money into banana stand land, buy up all their, err crops, and what thanks do they get, the rag merchants blow up them up and attack their embassy.

    Anyone would think that they want to run their own country themselves; haven’t they heard how we do things in the great EU.

  43. 43
    MrAngry61 says:

    OT (or behind the curve)

    Guido publicised Red Ken comparing Boris to Hitler yesterday, but why not the quote below?

    ‘Those who don’t vote for me will be weighed in the balance come Judgment Day. The Archangel Gabriel will say, “You didn’t vote for Ken Livingstone in 2012. Oh dear, burn for ever. Your skin flayed for all eternity”.’

  44. 44
    Boris Haircut says:

    Presumably nobody here ever uses a library catalogue.

  45. 45
    Ed Milimong says:

    Cut the cuts !

  46. 46
    Red Ken ( 'pond life' ) Livingscum says:

    Yeeees. I like references to Camp Kommandants and Nazis. It’s my love of all things National Socialist.

    Vote for Ken, vote for newts !!

  47. 47
    Juggler says:

    Deep inside Whitehall?

    Sadly we can find many examples of easy cuts right on the surface of local government, whole departments are manned by lazy spongers.

  48. 48
    the Alamo says:

    thats socialism if you dont like the answer ignore it.

  49. 49
    Cynic says:

    It has been breeding

    The Magenta Book is HM Treasury guidance on evaluation for Central Government, but will also be useful for all policy makers, including in local government, charities and the voluntary sectors. It sets out the key issues to consider when designing and managing evaluations, and the presentation and interpretation of evaluation results. It describes why thinking about evaluation before and during the policy design phase can help to improve the quality of evaluation results without needing to hinder the policy process.

    The book is divided into two parts.

    Part A is designed for policy makers. It sets out what evaluation is, and what the benefits of good evaluation are. It explains in simple terms the requirements for good evaluation, and some straightforward steps that policy makers can take to make a good evaluation of their intervention more feasible.

    Part B is more technical, and is aimed at analysts and interested policy makers. It discusses in more detail the key steps to follow when planning and undertaking an evaluation and how to answer evaluation research questions using different evaluation research designs. It also discusses approaches to the interpretation and assimilation of evaluation evidence.

    The Magenta Book will be supported by a wide range of forthcoming supplementary guidance containing more detailed guidance on particular issues, such as statistical analysis and sampling. Until these are available please refer to the relevant chapters of the original Magenta Book

  50. 50
    Cynic says:

    and here is its successor! The Collected Guidance in Guidance! Online in all its glory

  51. 51
    Tax Payer says:

    Exactly – the allignment of the bottom text is inconsistent. And that text isn’t affected by the light, as the text above is.

    It isn’t hard to get a story if you alter photographs?

  52. 52
    Max Clifford says:

    You need to make it more punchy.

  53. 53

    What’s the evidence for that? The distortion on the middle line looks pretty natural, and the plain font is identical.

    And why would it be shopped? To…erm…make it predate the Blair government?

    Don’t make up “facts”, it’s not a good thing to do.

  54. 54

    It’s perfectly consistent, weirdo.

    The capacity of commentards to invent a conspiracy is just amazing.

  55. 55
    Anonymous says:

    In this context, Guidance can be seen as official government advice i.e. how to do things in the proper way. For many people and organsiations this Guidance will be critical.

    To help explain and apply the concept, it would be useful to have Guidance on that.

    Hence – Guidance on Guidance.

    Ok – I accept it could have been called something better.

  56. 56
    Tax Payer says:

    It isn’t consistent. And I didn’t say it was a conspiracy.

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    It isn’t hard to copy a font – you just choose the right one from the list?

    Why it was shopped we don’t know; but it was.

  58. 58
    Nemo says:

    Well the poor lad has to stir it up somehow, it is supposed to be the silly season, he wants a job at NI.

  59. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Also, Guidance is an accounting concept which can be explained with….Guidance.

  60. 60
    Nemo says:

    I suppose that they are the same as for MPs, they must not be a sectioned lunatic, they must not be a a lord, bishop, a convicted felon, traitor, etc. There seems to have been, judging from Guido’s comments over the years even those seem to have been ignored.

  61. 61
    smoggie says:

    Maybe it was photoshopped by a private investigator and Guido knows fuck all about it?

  62. 62
    smoggie says:

    Jimmy, mate, have you not noticed that members of the politcal parties seem to be getting younger every day?

    There’s a simple explanation for that. We’re all turning inexorably into Victor Meldrews.

  63. 63
    God says:

    I’m biding my time to punch you, Mr Clifford. You have it coming to you.

  64. 64
    smoggie says:

    ….or take the responder down to the basement and beat him mercilously with rubber truncheons until you get the answer you want. Then send him to the gulags for a few decades until he becomes a good comrade.

  65. 65
    I'd rather not.. says:

    I’ve stepped away from the TV for a moment. Can anyone advise if Kate Silverton on BBC Breakfast has stopped holding her pregnant belly and closed her legs yet?

  66. 66
    Rubberstamper says:

    That would be a FOI request. Sorry.

  67. 67
    nell says:

    o/t sorry but now I’m sure the manmade global warming lobby is made up of complete and utter loonies!

    According to them if we don’t control our agw problems aliens from outer space are going to wipe us out to protect the universe. LOL!

  68. 68
    smoggie says:

    I’m still stuck on The Big Red Book.

  69. 69
    nell says:

    Have they sacked those fridge police in yorkshire yet? Y’know the one’s that were going to visit every household to inspect the contents of the fridge and tell you what you should not be eating.

    Or how about sacking the bicycle officers who visited every house with details of cycle paths in your area urging you use a bike or walk and mothball your car.

  70. 70
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    I don’t believe it.

  71. 71
    Tax Payer says:

    How do events on earth affect the universe?

  72. 72
    smoggie says:

    The only thing I will say in its defence is that we really shouldn’t be advertising our presence. If there is life out there, and there’s no reason to suppose there is not somewhere, then the chances are it will not be very friendly.

    History should tell us that the consequences of “superior” civilisations discovering “inferior” ones on this planet are not particularly pleasant.

    So scientists, please stop flashing your blinking lights into space like we’re here, naive and ripe for picking. The aliens will spot them long before they can sniff our silent gases.

  73. 73
    Ed U KatedbyLabour says:

    Wots a liebree ?

  74. 74
    Anonymous says:

    Yeah, unlike Blair and Brown, who were both bastards AND childish.

  75. 75
    Enoch says:

    Can’t find any evidence that an ‘Office of Public Service’ ever existed.

  76. 76
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Why cuts are needed.

    unless they are cuts for state addicted thugs

  77. 77
    Sir William Waad says:

    It’s all on a database now, I expect, so that you can search for, say, ‘fish quotas’ and find lots of press releases by the Department of Transport on traffic light technology.

  78. 78
    Anonymous says:

    Space is a vacuum?

    If our atmosphere leaked there wouldn’t be an atmosphere.

  79. 79
    Someonw with 15 years' Photoshop experience says:

    No it wasn’t.

  80. 80
    Sir William Waad says:

    Exactly. The chances of finding a civilisation that is almost exactly at the same stage of advancement as us is vanishingly small. Compare, say, a century of human development with the four-billion-year history of earth. We would be very, very lucky to find an alien race at a comparable stage of technology. Otherwise, if they are more advanced than us, they will dominate us, even if they don’t desire to; conversely, if we are more advanced, we will dominate them.

  81. 81
    annette curton says:

    She’s just dropped it live on Breakfast tv, it’s a beautiful bouncing… ooer, oh dear!.

  82. 82
    Anonymous says:

    Oh, you’ve been involved with every shopped photo, have you?

    Maybe they all come through you for approval?

  83. 83
    Battle: Los Angeles, contender for worst film ever made says:

    I don’t think it was Time Bandits, it might have been The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, though.

  84. 84
    Spanner in the Works. says:

    Yes they do, it currently occupies all the remaining cupboard space in whitehall together with associated documents.

  85. 85
    Victor Meldrew says:

    I don’t believe it.

  86. 86
    MrAngry61 says:

    Too late. Didn’t we send a galactic road map sellotaped to Pioneer 10?

    Also, humanity has been broadcasting since the ’20s. All that EMR is slowly propagating out towards the stars.

    We can only hope that our first encounter is with the Vulcans, as opposed to the Vorlons, Vogons or Kzin.

  87. 87
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    David Miliband will never be Labour leader, His current bosses are hedge fund people.

  88. 88
    Enhance the PowerPoint Experience says:

    I worked in IT for DHL some years ago and we spent an awful lot of time attending PowerPoint presentations. The ultimate death-by-powerpoint occurred in one 60 minute presentation (felt like 60 years).. a powerpoint presentation on giving powerpoint presentations.

  89. 89
    MrAngry61 says:

    From the earliest days of Library Science (=dinosaur IT) there were papers published showing how about 25% of relevant hits would be missed unless misspellings were also searched for.

  90. 90
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Its got a soft cover, so the text might be out of line because of that.

    Its also likely to have strange perspective effects. That text at the bottom seems to be about half the distance from the camera lense as the top.

  91. 91
    The Other Bloke says:

    Ken shares with Churchill the habit of being pissed most of the time.

  92. 92
    W.W. says:

    “They must not be a sectioned lunatic”

    They let Brown and Blair in.


  93. 93
    Gravity says:

    Vacuums don’t suck.

  94. 94
    A tory says:

    Something we plan to eradicate.

  95. 95
    The Other Bloke says:

    The Pan-Galactic Overmind has determined that there is no intelligent life on Sol-III

  96. 96
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    “Is this the safe haven idiot Osborne was talking about”.

    08.45 Stock markets have taken fright again. The FTSE 100 is now down 3pc – or 153 points. It is now below the psycholoically important 5,000 level.

  97. 97
    Battle: Los Angeles, contender for worst film ever. says:

    Or the Daleks.

    It strikes me that Nasa’s Planetary Science Division have simply sat and watched the dismal remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still starring Keanu Reeves, which was about aliens wiping-out mankind because of our destruction of the environment.

  98. 98
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Is that Labour HQ?

  99. 99
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    But Sally Bercow does.

  100. 100
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    hmm yes. In Time bandits God is Ralph Richardson.

  101. 101
    Rage Against the Political Elite says:

    Markets are Collapsing due to the Structural faults in Europe and USA.
    Lets look at what really hammers markets.
    4. Conflict in Libya, maybe soon to be another WAR
    Would you invest in a country that is burning its Cash ON NONE COMMERCIAL ACTIVITY? Afghanistan. A WAR with NO END. Has any one worked out WHY NATO are positioned in the main Opium territories.
    READ Alfred Mckoy, The Politics of Heroin. And WAKE UP

  102. 102
    Ah! Monika says:

    Coming next

    Guidance on Guidance, on Guidance, on Guidance, on Guidance, on Guidanon Guidance, on Guidance on Guidance on Guidance……………

  103. 103
    MrAngry61 says:

    Dunno about the (apparently) appalling remake with Keanu Reeves, but the original film was a warning about atomic warfare.

  104. 104
    Battle: Los Angeles, contender for worst film ever. says:

    Part of my work involves keywording images so they can be found by people using a search engine (search engine? does it run on diesel or unleaded?). Anyway, I have to keyword misspellings, eg “alotment” and “allotment” and “allotmant”.

    Pain in the arse, especially in the end-user you’re trying to keyword for is Billy Bowden.

  105. 105
    MrAngry61 says:

    And his pusher is the Geest fruit company…

  106. 106
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    The goverment is not the econmey.

  107. 107
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    It takes a special kind of skill to read such a ridiculous article and come to that conclusion.

  108. 108
    Not The Other Guy says:

    Have you not heard of ‘3 point perspective’. The text at the bottom is entirely consistent with the perspective of a relatively short focal length lens e.g. 28-35mm.

  109. 109
    Gordon is a moron says:

    Sally looked rather tasty last night, showing a lot of cleavage leg. Clearly she’s gone on the show to fuck. Wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already sucked off the jeans model.

  110. 110
    Anonymous says:

    A Hitch hikers Guide to the Fallacy

  111. 111
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Surely the likes of google look for close matches anyway?

    Quite often, esp with unusual names/towns, you get “are you sure you didnt mean …”

  112. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Mine started when Gordon Brown stole a third of my pension fund a decade ago. I deepened when he wrecked the second third with the UK Banking Crash (it started Ooop North – Northern Rock, HBoS, RBS etc.).

  113. 113
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says: August 19, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Why didn’t you say this when Brown was fucking the economy. You said it was Brown’s fault.

  114. 114
    Great news for Guido from Euref says:

    “Thus, while white man Nicolas Robinson is jailed by district judge Alan Baldwin for six months for the “opportunist theft” of a £3.50 bottle of water, Ghanaian Ohene Bamfo, charged with robbery, theft and violent disorder, is freed by district judge Tanweer Ikram on the basis that he has already been detained for two days in custody.”

  115. 115
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    it was Browns fault tho, He bailed out the banks.

    Plus running a defict when he should have been building up a surplus.

  116. 116
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    Rage Against the Political Elite says: August 19, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Market in UK is falling due to stupid Osborne’s economical policy, Osborne will miss his target to cut borrowing to £122bn this year.

  117. 117
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says: August 19, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Have you forgotten Osborne fully supporting the Bank rescue.

  118. 118
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Yes he fucked up as well, But the bailout happened on Gordons watch while Labour were in goverment.

  119. 119
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    So now the economic melt down is happening under Conservative government so its Cameron and Osborne’s fault.

  120. 120
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    yep, They havent cut fast enough or deep enough to let the private sector grow, bt seeing as the alternitive offered is spend and tax even more under Labour we will just have to wait and see.

  121. 121
    Lurker says:

    Didn’t Mandelson and all used to condemn that kind of talk as “talking down the economy”?

  122. 122
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says: August 19, 2011 at 9:41 am

    So you accept its conservatives fault. Business can only grow if money spent on goods and services grow. Either government should spent it or the people, when you cut jobs and export jobs people aren’t going to increase spending. Giving immigrants job isn’t going to help either as they will send the excess money they have to their country.

  123. 123
    The voice of unreason says:

    I can’t help but think that anything that stops social workers doing their job is probably a good thing!

  124. 124
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    Lurker says: August 19, 2011 at 9:47 am

    Its the same sentence Osborne and his friend use now.

  125. 125
    The voice of unreason says:

    Are you the ‘anti-Me’ or the ‘Un-Me’?

  126. 126
    Dorian Smith says:

    “Key Structural Reforms Post-1997
    1997-01 Office of Public Service merged into the Cabinet Office;
    Unit-building—establishment of the Centre for Management and Policy Studies, Performance and Innovation Unit (later the Strategy Unit), Social Exclusion Unit, Women’s Unit, Regulatory Impact Unit, and Anti-Drugs Coordination Unit.”

  127. 127
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    People will spend better than goverment, cut taxes.

    Why do buisness prefer hiring forign born workers? (Hint , its because they are more reliable and hard working than those who have just left the education system)

  128. 128
    Lurker says:

    Just wondered. I just think Labour are being very hypocritical to rubbish claims that we are a “safe haven” when in Government they condemned the Tories for pointing out their faults.
    Not that it actually matters. The markets know better than to listen to the politicians. Its actions that count

  129. 129
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says: August 19, 2011 at 9:51 am

    They are cheap, they don’t have to maintain their family in this country so they can do it a lot cheaper also about five of them live in the same room so they haven’t got much rent to pay either.

    Way out of this will be to stop immigration, stop renewing visas and stop benefits for the once fit enough to work.

  130. 130
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    Lurker says: August 19, 2011 at 9:55 am

    New Labour or Conservatives its the two sides of the same coin. Last New Labour government was a Tory government.

  131. 131
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    If you stop immigration who will do the jobs in the private sector?

    We have seen that a lot of English youth are unemployable (riots), Would you hire someone that thinks its ok to steal and loot or someone that will turn up on time, every day and do the job they are paid to do?

  132. 132
    Smig says:

    Osborne fucking the economy says:
    August 19, 2011 at 9:47 am

    The government doesn’t have any money. It steals mine in order to subsidise the incompetent and the feckless.

    Doesn’t matter if it’s Osborne or Darling, Brown or Lawson. The government always takes money by force and with threat of jail.

    The last one that knew how to spend taxpayers money wisely was Gladstone.

  133. 133
    Jabba the Typesetter says:

    Not one of mine…

  134. 134
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    The document looks pristine for a 15 year old softback.

    So they probably all ignore it.

  135. 135
    Archie says:

    Hmmm yeah I was a football manager once, yeah thirty years, man and boy.

  136. 136
    Osborne fucking the economy says:

    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says: August 19, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Not even 0.01% of the population rioted. Majority of the works in private sector are British people. If they don’t get benefits most will turn to work on time and work hard.

    Who is your customers? You customers need money to buy your good and service, if they don’t have the money you are finished.

  137. 137
    Boris Haircut says:

    What about Mao’s ‘Little Red Book’? A laugh a minute.

  138. 138
    Raving Loon says:

    Is this from the department of administrative affairs?

  139. 139
    Jabba the Typesetter with +20 years with Photoshop says:

    You wouldn’t know a Photoshop’d forgery if it was shoved in front of your face.

  140. 140
    smoggie says:

    Defeating the Daleks would be easy. All we need do is remove all the disability access ramps. They’ll never get past the stairs.

  141. 141
  142. 142
    HandsomeDavid says:

    The law is very consistent in being inconsistent.

  143. 143
    annette curton says:

    Is the stuff from the tap that bad down there?.

  144. 144
    Ya Who? says:

    Back in 2007 I googled “fucked the UK economy” and it came up with the suggestion “do you mean Gordon Brown”.

    Was that an example of predictive text?

  145. 145
    Rage Against the Political Elite says:

    Do some research. Every time these Knackers get us stuck in a WAR they f–k the economy. Bombs dont have any commercial upside unless you Steal the countries resources. America and We may be TRYING TO DO this, however the Persians and Afghanis are proving a little harder to defeat,. UK PLC. and USA are not making enough in return to continue and that is the Problem. They cant admit defeat so they cant Draw DOWN. Its an expensive Mess and until we either admit it and pull out the Economy will and is going to fail. Role on total Collapse. OBAMA promised to Pull out, He cant because he is not running the USA, Same as Cameroon. The State is out of its Box and has bankrupt the country, A harsh truth will come when we are all Starving.

  146. 146
    Gonk says:

    Further publications from the Cabinet Office.
    The Truth…Guidance on how to avoid it
    The Public.. The art of Manipulation
    Money.. How to publicly squander it and personally acquire it.
    Betray your Country and prosper

  147. 147
    Liam Byrne (Labour MP) says:

    There is no money left

  148. 148
    Titford Hat says:

    Michael Ancram was a lord and an MP. Since hereditaries were abolished (sort of) in the Lords they’ve been allowed to enter the Commons.

    (He’s now got a life peerage (as well as being Marquess of Lothian) so he an sit in the Lords.)

  149. 149
    Disappointed Muslim convert says:

    Huh. And I thought Sharia law was supposed to be tough.

  150. 150
    Cicero says:

    “The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.”

  151. 151
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “Found deep in a cupboard in Whitehall…”

    I thought the cupboard was bare?

  152. 152
    Sir William Waad says:

    On some websites it is better to use google, for instance, than the site’s own search engine, e.g fish quota site:[xyz]

  153. 153
    Titford Hat says:

    What are you doing watching breakfast TV?
    Get a life!

  154. 154
    Gordon Brown says:

    I dont like guidance I argue with the satnav when sarah is driving me to a new clinic sarah says i am silly but i saved the world!!!!!

  155. 155
    micky mouses beast like cock says:

    Gordon you have always been a car crash

  156. 156
    Titford Hat says:

    No, he’d already done it by then.

  157. 157
    Speaker happy says:

    I would just like to say that I am sat with my pants around my ankles aching for my slut of a wife to cuckold me on television
    I love the humilliation

  158. 158
    I don't need no doctor says:

    I wonder if there is a “Guidance on Good Riddance” for Ed Miliband and his band of shits.

  159. 159
    Biffo the Bear says:

    I struggled to understand this post as it lacked meaningless graphics

  160. 160
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    If our atmosphere leaked a bit it wouldnt contain hydrogen or helium.

  161. 161
    Anonymous says:

    Im sorry to sound stupid, but what does the folder mean ?

  162. 162
    Cone Commander says:

    We are almost in a position to take over. Already our forces are massing on the M1, ready to march on London. We will not be used as skittles for drivers any more! We will not be abused and hated!! We will fight back!!! It will be the


  163. 163
    Anonymous says:

    Little Green men, eh?

  164. 164
    Sir William Waad says:

    What about:

    “Stoicism” – Shit happens.

  165. 165

    Trouble is the daily news agenda is now so bad, and rotten, that anything Guido turns up has to be considered a light relief from what now passes as a normal event…. Still watching my b*tch ex-wifes heavily invested portfolio going down the proverbial toilet does have a certain oh so sweet ring to it…. not bitter in any way…..

  166. 166
    DR says:

    The silent ones are the deadliest in my experience but I always manage to keep a straight face and deny being responsible …

  167. 167

    Agnosticism: “maybe shit happens”…

  168. 168
    Jimmy says:

    It’s true. Sooner or later people you know get into government. It’s an odd feeling.

    Oh and anyone who appreciates the godlike genius of Gilliam can’t be all bad.

Seen Elsewhere

May 2015 and the Art of Political Betting | MAY2015
Fate of Eurozone Rests in Hands of Videogame Expert | TechnoGuido
UKIP After Farage | Asa Bennett
Eichmann Called on Arabs to Continue War on Jews | Speccie
Mirror Hacking: 50 Legal Action Claims | Press Gazette
Mandy’s £400,000 Tax-Free Loan From Own Company | Guardian
Why We Must Remember the Holocaust | Hugo Rifkind
“Adjustments” Not Cuts | Gary Gibbon
The New Puritans | Alex Wickham
British Minister in Watch Gaffe | Straits Times
New Tory, New Danger | Laura Perrins

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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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