August 3rd, 2011

Vince at a Loss

Panic stations over at the British Library this morning after a doddery old man caused a security scare by losing his rucksack. A mundane every day occurrence was made somewhat more embarrassing by the fact the culprit was Vince Cable. Witnesses couldn’t help but point out the irony that at a press conference about protecting other peoples’ property, all be it intellectual, the Secretary of State was unable to look after his own.

Guido is waiting to hear back on whether it ever turned up…


126 Comments

  1. 1
    St Vince says:

    It was packed with my nuclear option

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    EXTRA EXTRA! Man looses bag!

  3. 3
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Put him out to grazw with Gordon

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “all be it intellectual, the Secretary of State was unable to look after his own.”

    He is a Lib Dem……….

  5. 5
    East India Company wallah says:

    Of course he is at a loss,he is a socialist FFS!

  6. 6

    Back to the Futures.

    Doc ‘Emmett’ Brown MP {semi-retired} has had a young visitor to his Scottish home. He is in discussion with his young friend and sometime assistant, Milly McFly. he shows him his latest invention…

    “If you can just get Dave to push public spending up to 88 trillion £ per hour then the ‘fucks capacitor’ will energise, the time space continuum will ignite the very fabric of economics and propel us back to 2005, and I’ll be able to stop the financial meltdown of the world!”

    Milly McFly looks at the wild haired weirdo professor in wonder and bemusement.
    “Wait a minute..’Doc’..are you telling me …that you built an unsustainable debt/credit bubble…out of a DeLorean?”

    “Yes….And tax Credits.”

    “but Doc…A DeLorean! Where did you get the money? ”

    “Oh Milly. You don’t think anyone really pays £22,000 for a cleaner and doesn’t keep a receipt do you? I got it on expenses. Now Milly..you’ve got to help me.”

    ” Doc…I already agreed to that foreign war. That’s pushed spending way up.”

    “There’s a problem with that Milly. To get the necessary 1.21 gigabillions of spending power, me and ‘biff’ Prescott swapped Al-Megrahi for Libyan oil contracts..and plutonium. But now the Libyan rebels are after me. Come on Milly! Its time we went back to the future

    “..erm..no thanks ‘Doc’ Brown. I won’t be leader in 2005, will I?”

    “Of course!” exclaimed the disheveled financial genius oddball, slapping his palm to his forehead..” That’s another reason for going. ..Don’t you want to see how I prevent the financial tsunami of toxic debt engulfing the world?”

    “Not really. I’ve already read all about it in your book : Beyond the crash.”

    “Well I’m going anyway…I’ll take my dog with me. “Harriett!..get in the car”. Wish me luck Milly McFly..”

    and with roar and a burst of speed ‘Doc’ Brown got his party to commit to £88 billion pounds of spending an hour. There was a terrific flash and his vehicle disappeared, leaving just two long, burning, tire tracks of fire on the tarmac.
    Milly McFly looked on. Suddenly the DeLorean reappeared with a bang. It crashed to a halt against ‘Doc’ Brown’s bins.
    The gull-wing door lifted up and from the smoking interior, in his customary ill fitting business suit but with a shiny space helmet too, Doc Brown emerged.

    “Milly..you’ve got to come with me..to the future..there’s a problem with you. And not just the obvious one either.”

    “Doc! What’s wrong? What happens to me and Justine.”

    “You and Justine are fine Milly. No…Its your kids! The problem’s with your kids.
    Your kids inherit all your capital gains tax avoided property wealth and become Tories..now come on ..hop in..”

    “Aren’t you going to back up a bit Doc? You’ll run out of road.”
    ‘Doc’ Brown smiles his weird, jaw drop, smile and lowers the silver eye visor of his helmet.

    “Where we’re going..we don’t need roads……..because petrol is so f#cking expensive no one can afford to drive!”

    And with that the car lifts up into the sky and blazes off ‘into the future”

    Coming soon.
    Back to the futures markets. Part 2.

  7. 7
    The Bag Man says:

  8. 8
    ????????? says:

    A search was also made for the old codgers mind, but nothing was found.

  9. 9
    b34st says:

    The new spokes model for Ovaltine

    You just know that he smells of piss and biscuits

  10. 10
    What an enormous Huhne this Cunt is says:

    C Hunt

  11. 11
  12. 12
    pop says:

    The rucksack is still missing but a pair of incontinence pants awaits their owner
    at reception.

  13. 13
    Simon Harley says:

    As a regular visitor to the British Library, I’m curious as to whether Vince’s rucksack was searched when he entered the building.

  14. 14
    Cat says:

    He’ll be doing the ads for incontinent underwear next. Moronic old Tosser.

  15. 15
    anon says:

    londoners at a loss

    workers and people living in london told to fuck off during the olympics

    http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard-olympics/article-23975122-londoners-urged-to-travel-differently-during-games.do

    dontcha just love this fucking country???

  16. 16
    Cressida's dick says:

    We’ve gone downhill a bit haven’t we?

    Phone hacking, global financial meltdown.

    Silly old bastard leaves bag.

  17. 17
    Hard to disagree with that says:

    ALL people who wear Fitness First Backpacks are WANKERS!

    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=wall&gid=3128435359

  18. 18
    Loungelizard says:

    A rucksack FFS…was he off on a camping holiday…Jeezuss

  19. 19
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Hauge has aged a lot , just a year after going into goverment.

  20. 20
    Sophie says:

    * Applause *

  21. 21
    Dalai Llama Ding Dong says:

    Was it his colostomy bag? Bugger when that happens!!!

  22. 22

    Is Vince rucked? Or should he be sacked?

  23. 23
    Gordon Brown MP (Retired) says:

    Losing a rucksack is nothing, I lost billions of pounds in bank bailouts, billions of pounds when I sold our gold, and I also lost my job and party all in one go.

    I’m a professional loser!

  24. 24
    Sophie says:

    Surely, the rucksack isn’t really Vince Cables?

    I would have thought that all crypto socialists like Vince reject the idea of owning material stuff?

    What next, a Tory leader who supports the BBC with taxpayers cash to the tune of £18.6 billion of the Queens English Pounds for the next 6 years?

    You are havin’ me on.

  25. 25
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    I love the way Guido Fawkes keeps going on about Piers Morgan, yet fails to notice the BBC/Guardian are not remotely interested in any hacking allegations. In fact doing a quick search of the BBC news site here is what I found from the BBC

    Piers Morgan denies phone-hacking ‘admission’

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14311382

    Piers Morgan demands MP apology over hacking ‘lies

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-14221376

    Piers Morgan denies phone-hacking claim

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14212610

    Piers Morgan ‘strenuously denies’ hacking involvement

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14332995

    MP Mensch apologises to Piers Morgan for hacking slur

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-14346050

    All of the above are straight off a normal search for Morgan’s name on their news site.

    Can anyone help me out? I think there is a pattern here from the BBC but I can’t spot it

  26. 26
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    “disheveled financial genius oddball,”

    ‘kin brilliant.

    Love it.

  27. 27
    Rebekah Brooks says:

    If he’s left his phone in it then we may be interested.

  28. 28
    Dilligaff says:

    Upon an unsuspecting world. Do you think that he can tell the difference between loose and lose?

  29. 29
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Sounds good to me.
    The best thing about paris is that all the parisians bugger off in the summertime. And believe me, they actually make londoners seem nice.

  30. 30
    Sleepless in Kirkaldy says:

    What is it with Lib Dems? In Hughne’s case it was old Bag loses Man

  31. 31
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Fuck it, just look up P**** M**** on the BBC news site and see how many pro stories they have for him.

  32. 32
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    You’ve heard of someone dropping a clanger but a bloody rucksack?

    Did the man not have any security?

    Look well if one of Murdoch’s papers get their hands on it!

  33. 33
    Loungelizard says:

    If Cressida Dick had seen him limping round in socks sandals and clutching a rucksack she’d have had him shot.

  34. 34
    Piers Moron says:

    I feel so sorry for poor old Vince, he’s had many messages of support left on his mobile errr allegedly that is….!!

  35. 35
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    You would have thought that at his age he would have grown out of the socailist phase!

  36. 36
    Anonymous says:

    David Cameron and George Osborne were warned last night that most Conservative supporters wanted the Government’s austerity measures to be reversed once the economy begins to recover. The Chancellor has embarked on a programme to slash £81bn from public spending to bring “stability to the economy” and Mr Cameron has made clear he believes the cuts should be permanent.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/tory-voters-believe-cuts-should-only-be-temporary-2330907.html

  37. 37
    pop says:

    Happens to old queens quite a lot Billy

  38. 38
    smoggie says:

    The silly old fart had probably picked up someone else’s.

  39. 39
    Bag having lost Doddery Old Fool says:

    Hey, – I’m free! – free at last I tell you!!

  40. 40
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    The cuts should be faster and deeper.

    tory plan v labour plan

    not much difference.

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    “Tyre”.

  42. 42
    The BBC's un-official spokesperson says:

    Vince fits in with the BBC very well and as he’s predicted 18 of the last 2 recessions, he’s almost one of us.

    Look over there, a nice distracting story about some puppies – off you go.

  43. 43
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    http://twitter.com/GuidoFawkes/statuses/98761587711680510/

    23 minutes ago: “Mirror Group shares hit new low. On the verge of becoming a micro-cap stock. At which point many major funds will HAVE to sell.”

  44. 44
    Backwoodsman says:

    Look forward to the bbc giving this the same publicity they gave him calling the US Republicans ‘Right wing nutters’ !

  45. 45
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have noticed that when I have sat on the lavatory for too long that a red ring appears

  46. 46
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Is piers morgan a bad thing to say

  47. 47
    The Bag snatcher says:

    The thief is caught on camera 36 seconds in.

  48. 48
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    wow even the scripts hate Morgan

  49. 49
    Sophie says:

    The Indy are probably taking to those Cameroon type fake faux Tories.

    Real Tories want the state permanently cut by 50% & a new law that demands that the Government balances the books – like real people in real businesses have to do.

    Blue Labour out.

  50. 50
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Don’t be silly, Only politico nerds with a love of “banana skin” moments are interested in vince.

  51. 51
    Ed Nutsacks says:

    Wish it was me.

  52. 52
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    What is a “fake faux tory”?

    Someone pretending to be someone who isnt a tory?

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    In the coming week we will see how much this country is fucked. Why do you think Labour didn’t want to form a government with LD.

    No brains Cameron and Osborne jumped in and are fathers to someone else’s child. Labour is not in power, votes will blame Conservatives and LD. Polls show Labour leading Conservatives by around 1o pints.

  54. 54
    Ed Nutsacks says:

    Hee, hee. Wink. But then I’v only got one.

  55. 55
    Razorsharp says:

    Everyone’s seen through his “wise man” act. In reality he’s a bit of a duffer.

  56. 56
    Hugh Janus says:

    But not in the head as there’s little to damage there.

  57. 57
    Soiled undies. says:

    Just like The Guardian. Full of shite.

  58. 58
    b34st says:

    INCONTINENCE!

    Incontinent undies would piss and shit themselves

    Similar to myself whenever I hear the musings of one of these wankers in Govt

    Piss myself laughing or shit myself knowing that they have power

  59. 59
    Smig says:

    It’s a bit shitty when that happens.

  60. 60
    BBC says:

    Sorry we only like to flag up embarrassing funny gaffes if made by conservatives like sarah palin. So move on please.

  61. 61
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    So where did he loose it then? St James Park, Kensington Gardens, or did he drive into the country to let it loose?

  62. 62
    b34st says:

    “Govt minister empties sack in public place”

    Hardly news is it?

  63. 63
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Even a stopped clock is right 2 times a day….

  64. 64
    Argos Marketing Department says:

    Will you please stop using Faux. The Chavs are starting to realise that it isn’t a high class leather.

  65. 65
    The Pedants' Revolt says:

    ‘Albeit’, not ‘all be it’.

  66. 66
    Hugh Janus says:

    Quite so. The act was relatively easy to maintain in opposition, but the Limp Dums’ lust for power has exposed him for what he is – a bumbling old fool without any sense at all, and who feels obliged to speak drivel every time he opens his mouth.

  67. 67
    Vince Cable's rucksack says:

    I wondered where I’d left him!

    I’ve still got his lunchbox, although this one’s got dried out sandwiches in it, the other gave up due to his incontinence.

  68. 68
    and hes LBW caught behind and completely stumped says:

    incoming….. moose…..

  69. 69
    Clifton Fields says:

    The expression is “albeit” – bit of a waste of time going to Salvatorian wasn’t it?

  70. 70
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Excuse me, are you Cable?”

    “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

  71. 71
    The voice of unreason says:

    I expect it will be found with his marbles, which he also appears to have lost!

  72. 72
    Sir William Waad says:

    Has he shrunk? he appears to be in Legoland.

  73. 73
    Guardian advert says:

    LOSTA AND FOUND. Trekker’s bag found in King’s Cross area phone box. Business cards for Fifi, Big Baps Betty and Svetlana’s Rub-A-Dub-Dub (with OAP discount) found within. Werther’s Originals (unopened 250 g bag), draft Mike Hancock autobiography, and private Huhne-related tittle tattle of no value. May belong to a care in the community patient, possibly with dementia, or a recent Euro lottery winner. Phone 0207722-3333 and ask for C. Lion.

  74. 74
    BillyBob.... says:

    Aaaahhhhhh bless his cotton socks, a very pleasant but forgetful old man, should have gone to SpecSavers !!

  75. 75
    Stinkfinger says:

    I bet his bag was full of silk stockings and chewing gum,should any impressionable young lady turn out not to be an undercover reporter.

  76. 76
    BillyBob.... says:

    What else is he going to carry his pads and a change of underwear in ?

  77. 77
    Southern Softy says:

    Probably Ken Liver-Stone’s.
    Anyone check it for newts and Jamesons?

  78. 78
    Moussa Koussa says:

    You keep up this drivel Guido….while the UK economy ship sinks

    FT100 April 2010 = 5800. Now = 5550

  79. 79
    Sir William Waad says:

    I call on Cable once but he was tied up.

  80. 80
    BillyBob.... says:

    No, not quite, it contained a change of underwear, in case of accidents !

  81. 81
    BillyBob.... says:

    Noooooo, he was coiled up in front of the TV.

  82. 82
    Pundit says:

    Correction

    Retired , but still drawing salary and claiming allowances.

  83. 83
    Observer says:

    Who’s Haug?

  84. 84
    Southern Softy says:

    WTF is he on about?
    I fell asleep half way through.

  85. 85
    Southern Softy says:

    He’s certainly not the reel deal.

  86. 86
    Pundit says:

    Looks like the plods in Cleveland have decided to follow the Met’s example.

  87. 87
    21st Century Cable says:

    Do you realise that we are paying for that film? http://www.youtube.com/user/bisgovuk has a whole pile of them. What an absolute waste of taxpayers’ money.

  88. 88
    Loungelizard says:

    Cable just isn’t plugged in….

  89. 89
    HolidaysFuckU says:

    Looks like it’s camping in the back garden this year.

  90. 90
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    What is the doddery old socialist doing with his napsack? had he been touring the charity shops round Euston?

  91. 91
    Annon says:

    Odd name tag ? Do not resuscitate

  92. 92
    Rick the Roman says:

    Always been lots of corruption in Smog Town – one party state – think back a few years to the Ray Mallon saga – Cleveland Police and Middlesbrough Labour Party worked all hours they could to stop him being a candidate for mayor – tried every disciplinary trick to keep him in the Force so he could not stand.

  93. 93
    I understand foreign affairs cos I can see Russia from my porch says:

    Best not to joke about Palin…the US Electorate are stupid enough to elect her President in 2012 if she stood as a candidate and won the nomination……

  94. 94
    Loungelizard says:

    Yea, gonna get me a Crown Vic with a light bar. Tool off up to Cleveland wherever that my be and throw ma stetson in the ring, see if a kin git the job of sheriff.

  95. 95
    Smig says:

    Same as Haig. Had a thing for attempting to kick the shit out of the Germans and Europe in his youth. Got himself the opportunity to do just that and made a right smegging mess of it.

    Haig got as far as Belgium.
    Hague is aiming for Brussels.

    Haig was a donkey leading lions.
    Hague prefers his young bucks to be hung like a donkey.

  96. 96
    Every cloud........... says:

    The recovery is fucked anyways so what’s it matter if no-one goes to work for a fortnight ??

    Looking on the bright side we can make shed loads of money overcharging foreign tourists for shitty souvenirs; overpriced fries/burgers/ice cream and transport…….

  97. 97
    Gingerbread. says:

    You are right about the new Android 2.3.3 Guido, some v nice improvements. I’ve got the HTC desire Z too, it is Sim Free unbranded and the update came out on Monday.

  98. 98
    The BBC says:

    Forget about the economy the really big news is still about Cameron hiring Coulson

  99. 99
    Jabba the Cat says:

    The US electorate were dumb enough to elect Obama so the only way is up next time round…

  100. 100
    Annon says:

    High overhead the skylarks wing. They never rest at home, but just like me they like to roam. As O’er the world we roam Val-deri Val-dera

  101. 101
    Up sh1t creek says:

    He’s worried about someone finding a stash of porn on his laptop, and copied DVDs breaking “Intellectual property”? No wonder he wants the copyright law reformed.

  102. 102
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    What is the point if you get modded for typing “p**** Morgan”?

  103. 103
    Bunhopton says:

    The HMS England is slowly being dragged to a stop by the drag towing the Soviet Naval Ships, Wales, Scotland and N.IRELAND

  104. 104
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Classic on the BBC. Some blonde bimbo interviews a Liebore tool, who states (with a straight face) that the Government are a year too late with this change on copyright.

    Half hearted bimbo asks why Liebore did nothing when in power, “oh but we did” states Liebore tool.

    How thick are they in the Liebore party?

  105. 105
    Anonymous says:

    sockpuppet #4 says: August 3, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    Its about 61% of people who voted Tories in the last election.

  106. 106
    Two whole fried chickens and a slice of white bread says:

    C’mon Soph Vince isn’t a Crypto Socialist….he’s just a bit confused.

  107. 107
    Nemo says:

    I don’t know, he looks like look a man who suddenly realises his rug has been pinched.

  108. 108
    Nemo says:

    It’s Billy, like me he is very good at prssing the wrong key

  109. 109
    Nemo says:

    Don’t worry it WILL come to you IF you live long enough, lots thought it would never happen to them but it did.

  110. 110
    Nemo says:

    anon says:
    August 3, 2011 at 3:24 pm
    londoners at a loss

    workers and people living in london told to fuck off during the olympics

    Now what on earth did you expect, it is for the great and good who get in free anyway, so that they can pretend that they are really, really interested in sport, it is not for the little people, they get get crumbs are dropped from on high.

  111. 111
    Desert Rat says:

    Gormless twat

  112. 112
    Nemo says:

    Our Willy has looked old for a long time that’s what alopecia does for a bloke, he can’t help it, remember the time he was a mop-head, he friend a Ffion think he is OK.

  113. 113
    Dalai Llama Ding Dong says:

    It was his brand new Pigbag, too!

    RIP the everlasting Pete ‘n’ Dud

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    Best not joke about Blair/Brown. The UK electorate was stupid enough to elect them three times.

  115. 115
    Dalai Llama Ding Dong says:

    His marbles were donated to Greece in Lieu of the Elgin’s!

  116. 116
    oddly helpful says:

    Labour’s ‘Too far, too fast’ mantra should be countered with ‘Too low, too slow’

  117. 117
    Dalai Llama Ding Dong says:

    Vince says: “The other day I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack, and I went up to the lake district. I walked for about five miles then I stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee. Then I walked another five miles and stopped and had another flask. Then I walked another five miles and stopped and had another flask……..fucking hell, I’m rambling.”

  118. 118
    Just saying says:

    How many of you people making negative comments have a doctorate? I’ll bet none… but Vince does (oh and so do I)

  119. 119
    Plug says:

    Wire was that?

  120. 120
    M says:

    The economics in the euro zone have changed and in America
    So instead of making politics out of what has to be done to stimulate the economy in a sustainable way

  121. 121
    M o'Hare says:

    You’ll have us in stitches, Sir William.

  122. 122
    Katia says:

    That Handycock Draft Autobiography is in Russian by the way!

  123. 123
    Judge Judy & Executioner says:

    And its so difficult to get a bag to match your shoes.

  124. 124
    hang 'em high says:

    Probably the same number as those making positive comments.

  125. 125
    Handycock, your sex machine says:

    Hi Katya. I haven’t been able to raise your legal costs yet from my boys in Portsmouth. Still trying. Missing you.

    XXXXXX

  126. 126
    What the Deuce?! says:

    So does Gordon Brown.


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