July 22nd, 2011

Handy-cock Likes It Both Ways

Now Guido knows that Mike Hancock, self-confessed teen-fondler and LibDem, must have a lot on his mind, let alone his conscience, but it takes a special level of incompetence to manage to sign two completely contradictory Early Day Motions. The pervy Portsmouth MP signed both EDM 2109 – opposing Christians being able to opt-out of equality laws, and EDM 2081 – supporting Christians being able to opt-out of equality laws. He’s taking sitting on the fence to whole new levels.

In other news, the sex-text pest and Ruski-sympathiser has told his local rag that his phone may have been targeted in the phone-hacking scandal.

It was more likely to have been MI5 listening in…

UPDATE: It seems Labour’s Paul Flynn has fallen into the same trap, but then we knew all along that the die-hard socialist wasn’t quite all there.


130 Comments

  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Just a wrong un!

  2. 2
    Brave Sir Robin says:

    Paul Flynn is my local MP. It makes me sad.

  3. 3
    Sam Saunders says:

    That would be “conscience”

  4. 4
    J says:

    Conscience ffs

  5. 5
    Handycock says:

    Gimme a chance, princess. I kno i can mke u happy.

  6. 6
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Handy-cock does highlight flaws within democrey.

  7. 7
    NeverRed says:

    His IQ is so low, I’m amazed he isn’t a Labour MP.

  8. 8
  9. 9
    Gordon Brown ate my hamster says:

    Was Neo Guido educated under New Labour’s edjukayshone? The spelling would suggest so.

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    I suggest a quick proof read in future…

  11. 11
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    What is this story about? He voted both ways on equality laws.

    That’s equality.

  12. 12
    Sophie says:

    Traitor. Sexual deviant. Commie.

    Who voted for this piece of crap?

  13. 13
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Guido, back incharge fromFrance.

    Young Neo must have a date or Guido just missed us mere window-lickers :-)

  14. 14
    Dorian Smith says:

    That’s the thing about Labour, they set their standards low and to their credit, maintain them. Handy-cock would be a shoe in if he wanted to make the switch.

  15. 15
    Mike Hunt says:

    Portsmouth ‘University’ students…….

  16. 16
    sg-strummer says:

    Nice to see the Lib Dem’s in the news.

  17. 17
    sg-strummer says:

    Could be worse, you could live in the Rhondda.

  18. 18
    Andy Gray says:

    For all the joking about Hancock (and there’s plenty to be had), if one takes a step back, one realises that it is profoundly, profoundly depressing that this man is an elected representative. And that he is not on the n-nces’ wing, obviously.

  19. 19
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I have respect for P.Flynn, I remeber in one debate on iarq, He stood up, and used all his time allocation reading out the names of troops that had been killed in Iraq.

  20. 20
    Nu Attack Dog says:

    You are of course right – shame on us for allowing this creature to represent us in Parliament.

  21. 21
    MrAngry61 says:

    and calls on the Government to base any proposed changes to legislation on equality and non-discrimination on evidence rather than the opinions of a vocal minority.

    EDM 2109 almost sounds sensible – until one realises that the ‘vocal minority’ to be ignored are Christians…

  22. 22
    a wrong 'un says:

    I’ve got hyperinflation in my bumhole.

  23. 23
    Bligh says:

    I’ll hang you from the highest yardarm in Portsmouth, Michael Handycock!

  24. 24
    Johann Hari says:

    I’ll be cack.

    I mean, I’ll be back.

    Come to think of it, I was right the first time.

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    Its like someone who wants Conservatives in power but Cameron and Osborne out.

  26. 26
    SonOfaMiliband says:

    :'( Guido yer nasty coz its like really unfair to attack Paul Flynn after his chemical lobotomy :'( I might tell somebody you did that :(

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    or next to Brooks home.

  28. 28
    Pundit says:

    How thick must must his constituents be to vote for this fucker? Democracy has a lot to answer for.

  29. 29
    Thick Boy says:

    Yeah, I’m there studying meeja.

  30. 30
    Handycock says:

    Katia told me I was hunky.

  31. 31
    Princess says:

    Piss off Pervert.

  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    If the war is illegal it could be murdered.

  33. 33
    bergen says:

    I never understood how the good people of the Rhondda could be lumbered with Chris “Cap’n Underpants” Bryant as their MP.

  34. 34
    Jimmy says:

    On the contrary, he is one of several of our rejects sitting on the government benches.

    Wasn’t there a leadership contest where he nominated everyone?

  35. 35
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I was against the Iraq war, however it was voted on and gain the majority of support in parliament.

    Thats democrcey.

  36. 36
    Pundit says:

    Sadly too true – “excellence” in the Labour Party equates to getting away with fiddling your expenses.

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    As long as it’s wearing a red rosette, a pile of shite could get voted in FFS, and probably has.

  38. 38
    Greek economy - socialism in action says:

    I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised, but nevertheless it is intensely irritating, that so many of these desperately sad attention-seeking tax-eaters should try to convince us (and themselves), that their empty lives are interesting enough to warrant hacking.

  39. 39
    Mark Oaten says:

    And I was one of the one’s he nominated!

  40. 40
    Sir William Waad says:

    Unfortunately, Handycock was off school with a runny nose when they did Arse-Elbow Differentiation.

  41. 41
    BBC Tumbleweed Watch says:

    For a politician to hold an opinion should be no surprise; for him to hold two opposing opinions at the same time must mean he’s a lawyer too.

  42. 42
    Ahmed Ishmael, George of the Akash Restaurant says:

    Also my Asian brothers, all of whom I instructed as their Leader, to vote for Lord Handycock, and they did.

  43. 43
    Sir William Waad says:

    Shoo-in. Nothing to do with footwear. Everything to do with saying “Shoo! Shoo!” to a farm animal.

  44. 44
    sg-strummer says:

    Sad but true. Some people in the Valleys still hate Churchill for sending the troops in….

    Speaking as a Rhondda boy myself, I must point out that he is far from typical of the breed!

  45. 45
    Princess says:

    Looks to me like he is trying for a bit of sympathy before the appeal in September.

  46. 46
    MultiCultiCobblers says:

    Religon of Peace at it again in Norway:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14252515

  47. 47
    Sir William Waad says:

    ‘Looking for an Asian Wife?’ you ask….well, if she has a short and effective way with pie-throwers….no, I’ll stick with Lady waad

  48. 48
    Katya says:

    Only because you were getting me information on submarine movements. I hope you aren’t still using your mobile phone, because GCHQ will be listening in, according to my sources.

  49. 49
    Betty Swollocks says:

    The idiots keep voting Labour and they’re proud of it!

    P.S. Piss on Nye Bevan’s grave!

  50. 50
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Hero of the week : Mrs Murdoch

    Villian of the week: Piers Morgon

  51. 51
    Former Naval Person says:

    Well somebody must have hacked his phone so that we could read the text messages in the Sunday papers. It appears that what we have been shown is only the smallest selection of a great many more (and more explicit) messages. When next he is in court perhaps we will hear much more about his adventures with teenagers, with the Russian ladies and with the Rumanian orphans. ‘An embarrassment to the Commons’ said the Sunday Times – and an embarrassment to his party and to his constituents too.

  52. 52
    labourunionsbbc we are one says:

    I think it is profoundly, profoundly profoundly depressing that he is allowed to stay in government after all that is known about him.

  53. 53
    misterned says:

    It is a typical indication of what happens when the vile thought police implement their politically correct fascism. Groups of people are arbitrarily divided up into sub-groups and then pitted against each other in the name of “fairness” and “equal rights”. Christians Vs Moslems. Moslems Vs Gays. Gays Vs Straight. Men Vs Women etc etc…

    Then to be seen to be “in” with these various “minorities” the fuckwits pick all sides.

    I prefer to treat everyone EQUALLY regardless of what artificial group people are self-selecting themselves as. All humans should have the same basic rights.

    The elite prefer the divide and conquer route so people are far too busy fighting each other, to notice what a fuck-up the elites are making of everything.

    So should Christians be able to opt-out of equal rights laws?

    In my not at all humble opinion, there should be NO specific equal rights law which defines ANY specific sub-group of people at all. All we need is Common law and the Bill of Rights, where no person should cause injury harm or loss to another person, whether juristic person or flesh and blood person.

    That is all that is needed.

  54. 54
    Call me Infidel says:

    Aloha Snackbar

  55. 55
    Nemo says:

    Guido, for goodness sake don’t encourage him, he will not change his ways (at least he doesn’t appear to have so far) he must have been helping himself to the ship’s grog.

  56. 56
    Paul Flynn says:

    Mike Handycock and I are great friends, that is why I defend his behaviour in my blog and why we sign opposing early day motions together. The truth is we are in love.

  57. 57
    Dusty says:

    ‘Socialism’ it’s in their jeans (genes) or in his case their pants

  58. 58
    misterned says:

    Shame that they were voting on information that was wilfully incorrect and this amounted to a grossly anti-democratic deception.

  59. 59
    HRH Duke of Edinburgh says:

    It is profoundly depressing that he isn’t in jail for being a Spy and Pervert.

  60. 60
    Article Redacted says:

    Two senior Scotland Yard detectives were unwilling to investigate phone-hacking because they feared their alleged extra-marital affairs would be exposed, according to the lawyer at the centre of the case. Assistant Commissioners Andy Hayman and John Yates were both…
    London Evening Standard 2011-07-07

  61. 61
    Nemo says:

    I don’t know, did you ever see “The Real Little Briton”, it was better than the comedy show

  62. 62
    Mark Pack says:

    Even i can`t defend Mike or even atempt to defend him.

  63. 63
    Anonymous says:

    Which one?

  64. 64
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    All must be equal under the law.

    (I say that as a gay man)

    I do not want any speical treatment, i wanted to be treated like any other person, who i sleep with is no-one buisness, and i do not care for who anyone else sleeps with, if your are good at thier job then that is what matters.

    By giving sepreate groups seprate laws then we have no equal justice.

  65. 65
    Nemo says:

    They are just naughty, naughty little boys and should know better.

  66. 66
    Nemo says:

    Guido was educated under both

  67. 67
    Biffo the Bear says:

    But a credit to the LimpDums

  68. 68
    Mike handicapcock in two minds. says:

    Sshh. I am listening to ACDC outside the school playground at a special needs school. I would advice the Sun not to ping me.

  69. 69
    Nemo says:

    He is standing on the fence, quick shake the fence.

  70. 70
    NeverRed says:

    Don’t forget people voted in their droves for Brown and Prescott and Vaz and Balls and….and…and…and…erm Labour

  71. 71

    Congratulations! That sentence manages to embrace all his erogenous zones in one breath.

  72. 72

    Certainly an absence of any soul.

  73. 73
    nell says:

    I think mr hancock highlights flaws in human nature.

    He is an example of the worst and how on earth he became an mp I can’t imagine. What sort of people would vote for him? I mean we talk on here about labour areas where they’ll vote for anything in a red rosette. But he is far beneath all of that.

  74. 74
    Ah! Monika says:

    Socialism is like Diarrhea it runs in your genes

  75. 75
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Score update: England 399-7 KP 155 not out.

  76. 76
    misterned says:

    Correct Billy, correct.

  77. 77
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “In other news, the sex-text pest and Ruski-sympathiser has told his local rag that his phone may have been targeted in the phone-hacking scandal.”

    Should that be sandal?

    He is a Lib Dem :-)

  78. 78
    Ah! Monika says:

    Why bthr wth vwls whn thy are hrdly mttr

  79. 79
    Jethro Q. Walrus-Titty says:

    So handycock wanting it BOTH WAYS means Handycock (aka teen fondler) is AC/DC?

  80. 80
    Anonymous says:

    There’s only one Norway, dickhead.

  81. 81
    Anonymous says:

    Well said, mate.

  82. 82
    William Cobbett says:

    There’s no whip on an EDM is there? Not surprised they didn’t know what to vote for.

  83. 83
    Anonymous says:

    True. But then Blair was voted back in afterwards. Some fking message that sent our political class.

  84. 84
    Ed Miliband says:

    I agree. There are quethtionth to be anthwered. He thoud rethign

  85. 85
    b34st says:

    its either norway or the saud way

  86. 86

    As editor of the website, http://www.portsmouthnews.tv, I spoke to Hancock this afternoon. He told me he, “didn’t want to talk to me, goodbye” and put the ‘phone down. Given that he sits on the Defence Select Committee and we should all worry if his ‘phone has been hacked, I think his attitude is that of one with no grasp of what’s important. Less self-publicising and a more serious approach to what matters is called for, but there’s no chance of that.

  87. 87
    b34st says:

    And yet another fine display of functional illiteracy on your part

  88. 88
    b34st says:

    Billy is Handycock or as Billy would say Handdeecuk

  89. 89
    blackbyle says:

    How handy is he with his *ock does he sustain this elevated posture for needlessly prolonged nanoseconds or is it a Djerzinskian plot hatched by a 21 C baboushka from Portland Pl ?

  90. 90
    b34st says:

    Prefix with OUR and make it plural and you have the Libdems

  91. 91
    b34st says:

    I;m pretty sure that most of us would slam the phone down on some fucker who runs a website called portsmouth the news
    You probably only pricked his interest when you mentioned TV to the crossdressing bi sexual mong fiddler

  92. 92
    Dame Stella Rimmington Head of MI5 (Retd) says:

    Phone hacking involves hacking voicemails only. The explicit text messages in the Press indicate higher powers are looking into the Pervert Handycock. Looks to me like he being set up for a very big fall.

  93. 93
    Mr. Pompey says:

    The News Portsmouth is something quite different. They’re more than happy to give this MP space in their rag. That’s why we get real news from this website.

  94. 94
    fratton Lodge says:

    Who is he? b34st ??
    He obviously cant read must be from portsmouth and voted for a sexual pervert teeny fiddler.
    Handycocks probably paid him to say it.

  95. 95
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    He’s probably trying to have it both ways, so that later he can say “I voted for….”, without revealing that he also voted for the opposite motion. Shifty little fuckers, politicians.

  96. 96
    Anonymous says:

    As a gay man, I disagree both with what you say and your reference to “who you sleep with”, as if it were so simple. The only thing simple is your mindset.

  97. 97
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    The sex of the Teens I fondle is irrelevant as is the species.

  98. 98
    Grand Master, Grand Lodge, The Strand says:

    Don’t worry Mike, you might be a traitor, pervert and general uneducated, ignorant, troughing piece of shit; but we will continue to protect you like we always have. Boaz.

  99. 99
    Handycock (Teen Fonder) says:

    Infamy – Infamy.

    You’ve all got it in for me again!

  100. 100
    Commissioner Sir Paul Stevenson and Assistant Commisoner Yates, formerly of the Yard. says:

    That goes for us too Handy. Jahbulon.

  101. 101
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    Boaz, Your Worshipful, Boaz Steevo, Boaz Yatesy. Jahbulon.

  102. 102
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    Guido,

    Did you know that Handycock has a bit of a record for mistakingly signing EDMs?

    According to his web site on 8th December 2010 in relation to EDM 1137 Mike Hancock said: “I mistakenly signed EDM 1137. It was among a pile of EDMs that I was signing and I made a mistake as everyone does.”

    “I have withdrawn my name from that EDM and asked the Table Office at the House of Commons to do that.”

    The motion was in relation to England’s failed bid for the Football World Cup and in the end attracted just two signatures.

    More @ http://www.mikehancock.co.uk/news/556/34/EDM-1137/

  103. 103
    JOB 1.21 says:

    The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. No confusion here.

  104. 104
    Mr. Pompey says:

    Well spotted, Geoffrey. This is the guy who got elected by a large turnout of students after he had signed their pledge opposing rises in tuition fees. Another bounced cheque from Mikey. And I thought Uni students were supposed to be intelligent. Glad I haven’t got a degree. At least I know a con trick when I see one.
    Your example shows that our MP will sign anything if he thinks he’ll get elected or a bit of gratuitous publicity.

  105. 105
    Saffron says:

    Strikes me that quite a lot of these so called politicos,who are supposed to represent our interests,are so far up their own arseholes,as to make them meaningless to us.
    When oh when are we going to wake up to this fact.
    How much more of this crap around us are we going to take?.
    Just what will it take to awaken from this induced state of oblivion.
    Ban alchol,ban chav tv,ban the neverending crap spewed out by the media,talk about the real issues that face us.
    The unenlightened people in this society is frightening and they need to seriously wake up and smell the coffee.

  106. 106
    Saffron says:

    British Isles.
    Dont make me laugh,we lost that years ago compliments of various politico’s and their arsehole dreams.
    We won the last attempt to take over Europe by that madman Herr Hitler.
    Now we have another attempt by the EUSSR to do the same thing in a different way,and it is the economic way.
    We have been pushed down this path compliments of governments who frankly could’nt give jack shit as to wether they consulted us on this matter.
    Methinks it it now long overdue that we as a national state said enough is enough,you lot have been selling us down the river,it has got to stop right now,we have had enough of your lies.

  107. 107
    Portsmouth News says:

    We won’t print any of this slanderous tripe Mike. Did you like the article we printed that you asked us to, even though we did not corroborate your story with Scotland Yard? One thing does come to mind. How could your phone be hacked when you have already stated that you lost it in the sea with your passport? No matter, so long as you are happy with the article.

    http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/local/east-hampshire/portsmouth_mp_is_told_he_may_be_a_phone_hack_victim_1_2893600

  108. 108
    g1lgam3sh says:

    Verily.

  109. 109
    g1lgam3sh says:

    At last…I have to say I normally see you as an empty suit with comprehension and communicating difficulties but kudos for that rare display of honesty.

  110. 110
    Dalai Llama Ding Dong says:

    Brooks’

  111. 111
    Lurker says:

    Vocal minority? That would be the state religion then. Church of England – the clues in the name.
    Add in the Catholics, Methodists etc.

  112. 112
    Nutter Watch says:

    Have you not got any windows you could be licking, you illiterate Hunt?

  113. 113
    Mr. Pompey says:

    The Portsmouth rag is just the mouthpiece for whatever story Hancock wants to give them. With sales of the paper declining by the minute, they rely upon stories that they are spoon-fed with by Mike, otherwise they wouldn’t have a newspaper at all. And he doesn’t give a toss about adverse publicity elsewhere. Would you, if you were grabbing £67,000 + expenses from life as an MP? Add to that his “office costs” and a salary as a council cabinet member + expenses and his wife’s salary + expenses as a councillor. Would you worry about the long-suffering poor and a few adverse blog comments if you were raking it in?
    Mike Hancock has put Portsmouth on the map. The problem is, Mike, it’s for all the wrong reasons. Please give my regards to Katya.

  114. 114
    Handycock, No1 Trougher in Parliament says:

    Will do Katya’s hearing is in October.

  115. 115
    Elvis says:

    You mean Christianity? This looks to be a far-right, Christian fundamentalist. My condolences to all the families that are grieving today for the loss of their loved ones.

  116. 116
    Old Style Copper says:

    What in God’s name made you think that “Uni stidents were supposed to be intellingent”? From lengthy observation they are some of the most gormless, credulous, sheep-like, shit-thick and pig-ignorant people on the planet. Witness that fucking moron Charlie Gilmore, not to mention that other hairy gobshite who tossed the fire-extinguisher off a roof. I’ve yet to see one of these subsidised-beer addled, dope-smoking, unwashed cretins who didn’t sound talk out of his or her arse. I had one apparently sane and sensible young lady tell me, in all seriousness, that George Bush had manipulated the weather so as to cause Hurricane Katrina and kill ” all the black people”. FFS!!!
    I could go on, “intelligent” eh? Are you quite mad?

  117. 117
    Portsmouth City Council is the most corrupt Local Authority in the world says:

    Robert Mugabe, and I am proud of them.

    http://www.po12bg.com/

  118. 118
    Local Government Ombudsman says:

    I can assure you that there are no corruppt Local Authorities in the UK. I am their Regulator.

    http://www.ombudsmanwatch.org/index.html

    and

    http://www.psow.co.uk/

  119. 119
    Dalai Llama Ding Dong says:

    Plagiarized from Aaaahnold…..

  120. 120
    CEO SOLACE (Society of Local Authority Chief Executives). says:

    There is no corruption here. This is how it doesn’t work. We put candidates forwards to councils for senior officer’s positions and recommend outrageous salaries, we charge the councils £20K a time for this. Corrupt politicians accept the pay recommendations and the grateful officers then let them get on with their corrupt business without interference, because they don’t want to lose their outrageous pay and linked pensions. Simples; and you are all paying for it.

  121. 121
    Anonymous LibDem MP, Spy and Pervert from Portsmouth. says:

    I can state categorically that I am not a threat to national security.

    http://www.muscularliberal.com/stories/mike-hancock-mp-threat-national-security

  122. 122
    Mr. Pompey says:

    Point well made, sir. By the way, I think Happy Harry Handicock is off on his hols to Spain soon. Does anyone know the Spanish for “lock-up your daughters” ??? Best we do the decent thing and send advance warning to Pedro. Now, what made me think of that name, Michael ?

  123. 123
    CEO LGA (Local Government Association) says:

    Well said SOLACE. We represent all Local Authorities interests and they pay our salaries with council taxpayer’s money. My salary is in excess of £300,000 a year. Mugs!

  124. 124
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    This isn’t me either.

    http://www.muscularliberal.com/stories/hancocks-russian-dolls

  125. 125
    Worried Seafarer says:

    Interesting link, that is. Plenty to worry about if the papers have really hacked this MP’s phone messages….seen what they reported on http://www.portsmouthnews.tv too.

  126. 126
    Dame Steella Rimmington former Head MI5 says:

    And from the comments page ‘A letter from the States,’ Handycock is now ridiculed globally, as is the corrupt system in this country that is stil allowing him to remain an MP and out of jail for spying. Maybe it is true that he has so much dirt on everyone that they dare not touch him, or the Freemasons are even more powerful than even I believed.

    http://www.portsmouthnews.tv/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=36&Itemid=68

  127. 127
    Lord Hannington says:

    Local Government is so corrupt for the very reason that you are not doing your job properly and constantly covering up for it. The more you continue to ‘cover up,’ the more corrupt it becomes; and it can’t get much more corrupt, becuase the cover ups have been gioing on for years.

  128. 128
    Local Government is most corrupt Institution in this country by far says:

    Eric Pickles has been the Minister for local government for over a year and he has done fuck all about the blatant corruption in it, that is costing us all more than we can afford.

  129. 129
  130. 130
    Anonymous says:

    “Brooks’s” actually: the term “Brooks” isn’t a plural…


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