June 27th, 2011

Revealed in Full: That Secret Shale Memo to Cameron

It does not sit easy knowing David Cameron’s constituency chairman Christopher Shale had multiple contacts with Downing Street before his “unascertained”, suspected heart-attack, at Glastonbury. We await toxicology reports…

It is claimed that Shale was told not to worry about the leak by Dave’s spin-mistress, Gabby Bertin, and that he also spoke to others. Given the varying accounts that emerged last week regarding Mark Pritchard and what a friendly chat from No.10 can consist of, there are still questions looming.

What was said on the phone, we will never know, but Guido has got hold of the full memo that was the basis for James Forsyth’s Mail on Sunday report. The plans were meant to be unveiled on Tuesday 6, October, the day after “DC’s” conference speech. Sad that this might have been the last thing he ever discussed. 


175 Comments

  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Would help if Dave was a tory.

    Like

    • 14
      David Kelly says:

      Even a walk in the woods beats getting whacked in a plastic bog at Glastonbury.

      Like

      • 28
        Anonymous says:

        This is Cameron’s David Kelly. If Kelly has killed himself, he was forced by Blair (at least I think so) for telling the truth. Blair’s hair has don it now.

        Like

        • 107
          Gweeedo says:

          By the way

          Anyone watching the tennis on the BBC internet…. its lafffable…

          As its streamed there is noticable loss of quality – the result is that the ball is often missing in the picture…. so player hit at nothing and the ball disapears in mid flight…..

          so funny…… like spot the ball in real time

          Like

        • 153
          Conspiraloon the immortal says:

          I doubt if Blair could be proven to be directly involved with David Kelly – as Sherlock Holmes would have said, “…no doubt it was well stage managed…”

          I would expect Blair/Kelly to be more along the lines of Henry II/Thomas a Becket: “Who will rid me of this turbulent priest?” Cue knights in rusting armoured hummers to do King Blair the Profligate’s bidding.

          Of course, Dr. Kelly could have been suicided:
          “Slit your wrists or your loved ones get hurt…” and other variations on the well-worn theme.

          Anyway, the gravity of the sexing-down under consideration is hardly comparable (populace think political parties in general and Tories in particular are full of self-serving sh*ts shocker).

          Like

      • 41
        Anonymous says:

        Cameron is a true hair to Blair!

        Like

    • 17
      Tax Payer says:

      It’s an overdose; not really suspicious. OK, could have been under some stress from the hassle, but basically was his own fault.

      Like

      • 22
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        Heart attacks happen all the time, and many of the signs are not very obvious, and risk factors are all too common. (just thought of a couple more friends/family/aquaintances its happened to).

        Of course, there are ways to make that risk a hell of a lot higher, but I shall not mention Who I bass that assertion on.

        Like

        • 165
          Susie says:

          EVERYONE dies of a heart attack. What causes the heart attack is the problem.

          They say toxicology tests are now under way… has stressful phone call from No10, scores something to chill himself out (backstage Glastonbury is notoriously awash with drugs) goes to portaloo to imbibe it — good night Vienna.

          Like

      • 141
        Peter Coke Hain says:

        sniff, sniff.
        snort, snort.
        George Osbourne.
        nudge, nudge.
        wink, wink.
        Say no more!

        Like

    • 52
      Anonymous says:

      It will help the country if you get a job.

      Like

    • 102
      Mornington Crescent says:

      Exactly, Billy, e-fucking-xactly.

      What a load of the usual politico-corporate bollocks, which could have come from any of the 3 parties. Like The Sun, I gave up reading it after Page 3.

      Like

  2. 2
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    We all have no idea what happened here – there are sure to be some Kelly-type theories, but equally middle-aged men do routinely have heart attacks, particularly on hot days. I only hope that whatever is discovered from any autopsy is absolutely clear cut so that his family don’t unduly suffer.

    Like

    • 5
      Bled White Taxpayer says:

      This is going to be a record. Modded 3 times in four posts. Any chance of a guide Guido as to the banned words? So far, there’s a small green vegetable, an innocuous verb, your real names, but after that only mystery.

      Like

      • 7
        Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

        No 6 was meant for you.

        Like

      • 21
        Nemo says:

        Bled White Taxpayer, it’s is the trained mod, people do not seem to be modded for expletives or anything like that, you must have hit a sensative spot.

        Like

      • 26
        Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

        Might be the K name.

        Like

      • 39
        ichabod says:

        You should try the Spectator Cofee House pages; you can insinuate almost anythng on those pages, you can be extremely abusive, but the moment you comment on those huggable, peace loving Muslems, in a less than admiring manner , you do tend to get completely blanked.

        Like

    • 163
      low resolution fox says:

      It would be a bit rushed to finish him off so soon after the memo. Unless he had plans to go nuclear even a sloppy gangster boss would wait a few months and finish him off with a hooker and a heart attack

      I mean christ, I’ve had several friends pass away in their 40s on the squash courts after a stressful day. Becoming tory top-brass enemy #2 for a week has to take it’s toll on the ticker.

      Like

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    Memo’s comments about social activities (p. 2) are amusing. How about introducing wife swapping.

    Like

  4. 4
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Or did he have a discussion on suppliers with Gideon??

    Like

  5. 6
    Beyond Parody says:

    Politics Heavy & Politics Light. But none of the options actually involve any say in how (DC in this case) votes – AFAIC it’s all ‘Politics Light’.

    Like

  6. 8
    English Viking says:

    What on Earth was a 56 year old man doing at Glasto?

    What a shit-hole, populated by nob-ends.

    Post-mortem shows no signs of cause of death, so not a coke-induced heart attack.

    Not another Kelly, surely?

    Like

    • 27
      51 year-old Bono's galaxy-sized ego says:

      He was about the same age as some of the singers.

      Like

    • 32
      Steve Miliband says:

      When Wayne Rooney arrives in a chopper, you know it’s run it’s course.

      Like

    • 33
      Nemo says:

      He was in the “nobs and celebrity” area not in the plebs area so I suppose it would have been kept reasonably clean, at the moment the UK is a free society so anyone who payed to get in was let in.

      Like

    • 48
      Woodstock Man says:

      Quite. I’ve never understood why kids today go with their middle-aged parents to crap Glastonbury.. What a bunch of fucking losers. And what’s with this “vip tent”!!!???????????

      Like

    • 53
      Dr. David Kelly says:

      I wouldn’t been dead at Glasto.

      Like

    • 78
      Andrew Marr says:

      I’d tell you what middle-aged men are doing at Glasto, but it’s covered by a super-injunction. Well, it was…

      Like

    • 156
      Dr David Kelly says:

      Well done Guido on a brilliant scoop. Just goes to show what I have always believed. It is not the individual political party that wacks it’s enemies, it is any political party that is in Government.

      Like

  7. 9
    A says:

    Shame Columbo isn’t around any longer to get to the bottom of this…

    Like

    • 170
      misterned says:

      I fail to see how a fictional American homicide detective could play any role in this case. Apart from the fact that this has not been established as a homicide, nor is it within American jurisdiction, the main problem being that Columbo is a FICTIONAL character, very ably and very entertainingly played by the late actor Pater Falk… May he rest in peace.

      Some people really do live in a fantasy world.

      Like

  8. 10
    the old Dufflebag says:

    hardly a very contentious document…sounds quite sensible in seeking to appeal for voter support to whatever level the voter wants…..all sounds rational…and certainly not reason to top yourself at a music festival…condolences to his family

    Like

    • 162
      Osama the Nazarene says:

      Couldn’t agree more oD. Thought the guy had a very refreshing approach to a problem whose solution many seek by introducing tax payer funding of political parties.

      Don’t know any of the circumstances of his death but heartfelt condolences ot his family and friends are required.

      Like

    • 169
      misterned says:

      I know that the tin-hat brigade will not like to even consider that this was a natural death and that they will be looking for conspiracies, but there simply is no evidence that this document could in any way, shape or form be grounds for committing suicide.

      It was a document about investigating approaches to increasing membership of the party that looked at honest and direct marketing principles. It was also pursued with the co-operation and support of the national party leadership. It leaking is not embarrassing in any way whatsoever as it demonstrates an honest look at the party and how party membership is perceived as a ‘product’.

      The suggestion that he may have either committed suicide, or been murdered, over such a document is utterly laughable.

      IF it was suicide or murder, then there must be some other reason for it, as this document is harmless.

      Like

      • 173
        pervsthelottathem says:

        I reckon that either his stockings or bra were too tight for him and he died of DVT.

        Like

  9. 11
    Desperate Dan says:

    Ed Miliband is the most BORING person in the whole world. Drone drone drone. Nothing of interest. Don’t care what he thinks. Don’t care what he says. Boring boring boring.

    Like

    • 54
      retardEd Miliband says:

      But I have lotth of thecret polithies! Thecret thingth are excthiting, thurely?

      Like

      • 60
        Ed Balls, Shallow Chancer says:

        When is the NHS going to fix your schnozz, you loser ??

        Like

        • 75
          retardEd Miliband says:

          It’th not really my thchnozz, it’th a bit of thilver thpoon that’th been thtuck in my mouth thinth birth.

          Like

  10. 15
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    But isint a suprise that there are no reasons to join as they are the same as the other lot, They piss away taxpayers money without a care in the world, Pay money to corupt instituions, Pay money to corrupt goverments so they can by jets and flash motors, Kill buisness with the Climate global change warming bollocks.

    All init together? my arse!

    Like

    • 51
      Nemo says:

      That is what politicos do and always have done Billy, if it further advances their own agenda, things are slowly coming to light which the politicos would rather not have exposed, I think even Guido would be suprised what went on in the past.

      Like

  11. 16
    Steve Miliband says:

    It seems a bit far fetched to say that he was attacking the Tory party. He was playing devils advocate and suddenly he is portrayed in the press as some sort of maverick briefing against his party>

    I have no idea why people join a party unless they have a subsidised bar.

    Like

    • 20
      This would work.. says:

      Subsidised bar is good. Better: hold a prize-draw every month where one lucky member (pun intended) gets sucked-off by Stacy Keibler.

      Like

      • 82
        Sir William Waad says:

        The local Tories tried that here in Waad Parva but the locals thought it was a bit tame for a prize.

        Like

        • 136
          bandersnatch says:

          I say bring back the Saturday dances and all the young Tory farmers and the marriage bureau as was… First prize an engagement to a Wisbech corn baron!

          Like

          • ManNotNumber says:

            We could round up lots of chavs and immigrants and have a “poor shoot”

            Fiver a skull.

            Like

  12. 18
    Paul Beresford is a thieving trougher says:

    “Oh and by the way, we’re after as
    much of your money as we can get; and we’ll never stop asking for it.”

    Not wrong there. And all the bloody appeals for canvassers! My party membership lapsed two years ago and I still get emails every week asking for support. Currently asking me to go canvassing in Westcott.

    F*ck off, Mole Valley Conservatives. Update your lists. And sack Beresford.

    Like

    • 115
      Sir William Waad says:

      Too right. I used to belong to one of these things (won’t say which) and I ended up writing to them as follows:

      1.

      Like

    • 127
      Backwoodsman says:

      Small fry ! Still getting regular letters from Davey boy, asking me to sport the blunt. He clearly didn’t read the letter cancelling the DD !

      Like

  13. 19
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    read the pdf. not that bad. a bit too honest.

    Does anyone really believe tht its the kind of the global elite would bump us off for saying?

    Like

  14. 23
    Ah! Monika says:

    Could be Dave’s Kelly. Ripe for conspiracy this one

    Like

  15. 25

    Shale was right. That’s where he went wrong.

    Like

  16. 29
    Ah! Monika says:

    O/T
    BBC Weather for Stockport = Fine this evening
    Met Office ” ” ” Heavy Rain @4.00pm

    Err. Who supplies BBC with their forecasts?

    Like

    • 35
      Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

      the Labour party.

      Like

    • 35
      I don't need no doctor says:

      The labour party.

      Like

    • 37
      Steve Miliband says:

      Ed Balls?

      Like

    • 44
      Rat's arse says:

      Mystic Meg by the sound of it ‘ah monika’.

      Like

    • 49
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK (not Maude) son of COD says:

      BBC complaints page
      last week i lost three days outside work because the fuckin bbc got the weather wrong
      lodge your complaint here !
      i did

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/complaints/

      Like

      • 66
        BaggPuss says:

        It is utterly pointless to complain to the BBC; they are incapable of seeing mistakes in themselves. It’s a cutural thingy. The Drop a Daisy Cutter man has the best idea.

        Like

      • 68
        The BBC are cunts says:

        We use Tony’s expenses shredder to deal with those complaints.

        Like

    • 59
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      A thundery downpour … they don’t last long you know.

      Have a look at some sort of rain radar site.

      Like

      • 77
        Ah! Monika says:

        Err…..that’s exactly what the BBC site is!!!

        Like

        • 100
          sockpuppet #4 says:

          I’ve never looked actually. Go on. url. you’re just talking bollocks.

          Northwest England

          Tonight:
          A cloudy start with further rain or showers through the evening. However, becoming mainly dry overnight

          Like

      • 98
        South of the M4 says:

        Use ‘met office aviation ‘. Learn how to interpret it. Forecasts are very accurate
        for the next 24 hours, and the 60 hour synoptic chart gives you a pretty good idea
        of what is beyond.

        Like

        • 103
          sockpuppet #4 says:

          I do look at various synoptic charts, and weather radars.
          Its clear that todays weather in NW england is thundery and liable to change.

          It seems wierd to me to claim that if its raining at 4pm it won’t have cleared up by the evening. Either they’re used to it raining non stop, or they have their “tea” at 4:30pm and think that 5pm is evening.

          Like

    • 74
      Sir William Waad says:

      I refute the weather forecast THUS. (Looks out of window)

      Like

      • 138
        bandersnatch says:

        I don’t know. You drop out of writing anything on this site for a while and its gone all Toy Story (no I DON’T mean Tory story) with thumbs ups and thumbs downs… sigh. It’s enough to make an elderly grown up weep…

        Like

    • 95
      Ah! Monika says:

      @16.34 Raining
      1 nil to Met Office

      Like

    • 171
      misterned says:

      They tend to report a wide variety of possible weathers in various different forecasts, so that they can still claim to be accurate.

      If they forecast fine weather on the national TV news, hazy weather on the national radio news, Over cast on the local TV news and drizzle with patchy rain on the local radio and showers on the forecast on the internet and the weather ends up being fine, then the BBC and the Met office can claim that they predicted the weather 100% correctly that day.

      I suspect that they only include the correct forecasts when measuring forecast accuracy and ignore the incorrect ones. They only have to include incorrect forecasts when ALL their forecasts across all media were incorrect.

      Like

  17. 42
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK (not Maude) son of COD says:

    Maybe he died from “Dissent-ry” LOL
    Police said :
    Judging by the state of the “Shithouse” There would appear to have been a
    “Smear ” Campagne !

    Like

  18. 45
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I think the Russians did it.

    Like

  19. 47
    Ian Tomlinson and Charles De Menzis says:

    The state never kills innocent people.

    Like

    • 62
      PC Pigg E Pigfilth says:

      Shut up and stay dead, you snivelling little.. oh, is this a public forum?

      Er, they fell over. And looked a bit shifty. Nothing to see. Move along.

      Like

      • 93
        The Beano says:

        Jean Charles de Menezes was an honest mistake – it was his hardman brother, Dennis de Menezes they were after.

        Like

        • 103
          Harry Stanley RIP says:

          Don’t forget about me PC Pigg E Pigfilth – blasted to death from behind for the crime of carrying a table leg.

          Like

          • Anonymous says:

            Hary stanley convicted armed robber. Have you considered the possibility that He was carrying the table leg in a bag to give the impression it was a gun, and was going to use it for that purpose. The idea that he was in possession of it as he was taking it to get repaired is laughable.

            Like

          • Harry Stanley RIP says:

            Are you a plod? You’re certainly spouting the line from the Masonic Lodge Police Federation, which is of course entirely irrelevant.

            Harry Stanley, a Glaswegian, was a grandfather, recovering from cancer surgery, who did have a record for an armed robbery in the early 1970s, who had been for a late afternoon walk to visit his brother to collect a table leg that the brother had repaired for him. He set off for home, with the leg wrapped in polythene, and stopped off at a pub for a drink on the way. On leaving the pub, someone apparently telephoned the police to report an Irishman with a shotgun.

            As Harry Stanley walked home along the street, two armed police officers approached him from behind in a car. They stopped and got out, still some way behind and across the street, and called out “armed police”. As Harry Stanley turned round, as anyone would, he was shot in the head by one and in the hand by the other.

            The killers who shot Harry Stanley dead did not know who he was or what his criminal record was. It could have been you or me. They didn’t know who he was or what he had in his possession (and which is more likely, a shotgun or a table leg?).

            Apart from the “shoot first” armed plods, the other people who have a case to answer are the commanders who tasked them in the way that they did based on nothing more than a phone call from someone in a pub! Madness.

            Shoot first and ask questions later seem to be the motto of armed cops (oh, and I’m a middle-class, middle-aged, card-carrying Conservative before you rush to smear me too).

            Harry Stanley, Jean Charles de Menezes, Ian Thomlinson, etc. etc. – can you see a pattern here?

            Like

    • 67
      Nemo says:

      Now what state would that be? Shales, with that document coming to light would have made him a few enemies

      Like

  20. 63
    Engineer says:

    That memo could have been written by a senior figure in any of the main political parties.

    “They think we want money off them”. All the political parties want money off their members.

    Apart from that, all pretty bland.

    No way is this connected to Shale’s unfortunate demise – which presumably is why Guido “got hold of” a copy and published it.

    Like

    • 70
      Moussa Koussa says:

      Errrrrrr.. I’ll find something tenuous to whine about.

      You ain’t seen me, right?

      Like

    • 112
      non believer says:

      “No way is this connected to Shale’s unfortunate demise – which presumably is why Guido “got hold of” a copy and published it.”

      You seem remarkably sure about that, did he call you on Satuday lunchtime with that bit of information?

      Not quite sure how you can make quite that categorical a statement tbh; I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch to imagine there might well be a connection between Mr Shale dropping dead in a toilet not long after getting a call from Number 10 which revealed that he was going to seriously be in the shit with a party that he spent a good deal of his life working for and that the Daily Mail and other assorted tabloid scum were going to be on his case.

      Or maybe you were in the next door cubicle?

      Like

      • 126
        Engineer says:

        Aha – the conspiracy theories have started already.

        I know no more than anybody else, but it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if the Conservative Party ‘leaked’ the memo to Guido precisely to demonstrate that it contained nothing particularly contentious.

        Like

        • 131
          non believer says:

          FFS

          It’s hardly a conspiracy theory to postulate that maybe he had a heart attack induced by the stress of finding out that he was about to be turned over by the Mail (and possibly CCHQ too)

          Even giving credence to the suicide theory isn’t exactly that off the wall; having some kind of secret agents bump him off is definite conspiraloon territory but I didn’t think anyone’s seriously suggesting that are they?

          Like

          • Engineer says:

            Why the hell would Shale be ‘seriously in the shit’ with the party? Certainly not on the basis of this memo.

            Like

          • Tapestry says:

            The banksters own David Cameron and the Conservative Party. They won’t allow some jumped up PR agent to start a rebellion to throw off their throttlehold of the party. Constituencies will be told which candidates they are allowed and that’s that. If anyone else wants to try to take them on, they can see what happens next.

            Like

          • Tapestry says:

            This is the bit in the memo that matters –

            In the modern age, where people don’t join the Young Conservatives to meet a future spouse at a ball, they need to be given a political, not a social reason to become a member of the party.

            They need to be offered, at the very least, the chance to pick their own candidate and probably far more than that. How many more people would sign up as Tory members if it gave them a real chance to set party policy on tax?

            The Cameroons argue that the membership is too small to make this a sensible move, that the result would be unrepresentative candidates and policies that were unsellable to the public. But unless the party in the country is given some real power, it will continue to wither away. If the Prime Minister’s own association can add only 20-odd members in the year its MP enters Downing Street, what hope is there for other local parties?

            If the leadership are not prepared to trust their members with some real powers, then they are going to have to find a whole other way to organise the party. Otherwise, it is going to die under them.

            Like

          • Tapestry says:

            I can’t find this bit in Guido’s version

            Like

        • 158
          Anonymous says:

          I agree with Engineer, this memo is not exactly the dodgy dossier , what a load of bollox over nothing. The poor chap either died of natural causes or overdosed, to say the spooks bumped him off or even that he topped himself over this memo is utter bilge.

          Like

      • 139
        non believer says:

        Of course

        I’m sure everyone at CCHQ was overjoyed at that memo being made public and that they would have supported him and his memo wholeheartedly had he not carked it.

        “Please join us. It costs £25. There are no real benefits. Individually we’re ok – some of us are your friends even – but collectively we’re sometimes not a very attractive group of people.

        Our parties aren’t fun. It’s a slippery slope to political activism. You’ll always have to support us, even when you know we’re wrong.

        Oh and by the way, we’re after as much of your money as we can get; and we’ll never stop asking for it.”

        Like

        • 142
          Engineer says:

          Substitute ‘Labour’ or ‘Liberal Democrat’ for ‘Conservative’, and nobody would bat an eyelid. It’s just the sort of stuff any of them could have written – it could apply to almost any political party.

          You’ve turned a bland – if fairly honest – assessment into something sinister. Lord knows why you’d want to do that; I can’t see anything particularly contentious in it. If you can, please feel free to highlight the relevant passage, and explain why it’s so explosive.

          Like

          • non believer says:

            Oh do pipe down

            You’re being incredibly disingenuous if you don’t think there would be any blowback from the PM’s close friend and constituency chairman being quoted as saying:

            No reason to join the conservatives. Lots of reasons not to

            Collectively we’re sometimes not a very attractive group of people.

            You’ll always have to support us, even when you know we’re wrong

            Oh and by the way, we’re after as much of your money as we can get; and we’ll never stop asking for it.

            If you did “Substitute ‘Labour’ or ‘Liberal Democrat’ for ‘Conservative’” and Dave Camerons good friend with Red Ed’s close friend and constituency chairman then the chattering partisan monkeys on here would go ballistic, the media would definitely run with it, and the Tories would have an absolute field day; in some ways Mr Shale’s death has done CCHQ a favour in so much as only absolute scu mbags like Mcshane will try to score political points with this now.

            I’ve not even vaguely tried to paint this as anything approaching sinister, that’s strawman bullshit; you however have tried to paint this as a bland non story (Lord knows why you’d want to do that)

            Clearly the Sunday Mail didn’t think so, and I guarantee you the other sundays would have loved it

            In any case I’ve never painted this as anything earth shattering or sinister, simply enough to have enough short term impact on the media and the Tory party to create sufficient stress and hassle for this guy to have a heart attack.

            Like

          • Tapestry says:

            see above for the offensive piece which is cunningly missing from the Guido version.

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            The important thing is that there is another dead tory. Everyone hates them; they even kill their own members for telling the truth.

            Like

  21. 64
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK (not Maude) son of COD says:

    It’s just a shame it wasn’t Ken Clarke in the bog
    Head shoved down the squitter and a hush puppy rammed up his arse !

    Like

    • 91
      Ted says:

      He’s too large to fit in a standard size portaloo but its a wonderful thought.

      I don’t suppose anybody knows if the dead Tory was wearing suspenders, panties a Gimp mask and had a satsuma in his mouth?

      Like

  22. 69
    Alan Duncan says:

    What puzzles me is why would you use a portacabin loo albeit one for VIP’s when you have a private and probably state of the art one in your winnebago?

    Like

    • 166
      Susie says:

      Because you don’t want your family to see you doing coke/amyl/whatever and don’t want any traces left in the winnie which could be connected to your occupation of it. I’m sure the police patrol with sniffer dogs at Glastonbury and the VIP area’s where the richest pickings would be found.

      Like

  23. 72
    If only he had an ID Card says:

    22-year-old refused a drink at Cheadle Hulme pub – after he showed NINE forms of ID

    Staff at the Governor’s House pub in Cheadle Hulme refused to accept ID including a driver’s licence and university card for Joe Coyle, 22, saying they could be fakes, and would not change their minds when he went home to get his passport and birth certificate.

    Like

    • 101
      Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

      Its thier pub, They have the right to refuse to serve anyone .

      Like

      • 109
        Ah! Monika says:

        What about B&B owners Billy?

        Like

        • 110
          Ah! Monika says:

          I think the word you’re looking for is ” touché “

          Like

          • Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

            If i wanted to join the black police officers assoc (Knowing i am white) i could not complain, If i went to watch the cricket at lords without buying a ticket then i expect to be refused entry, If i walk into to a bank wearing a motorcylce helmet then i expect the police to be there in 5 mins.

            Like

          • TalkTalkMyArse says:

            even if you’re the bank courier??

            Like

        • 113
          Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

          yep, Private property.

          Like

      • 123
        Petulant 20-something bar staff says:

        “How dare you come into our establishment! How dare you! No you can’t spend your money here. Get out! It’s an outrage that one pub goes bust every week! And you, yes, YOU! Finish the beer we underfilled and eat the microwave chips we charged you £4 for and sling yer hook! Don’t come back!”

        Like

    • 114
      BaggPuss says:

      Pubs are so 1960s.

      Like

    • 124
      Eamonn U Ensis says:

      “My local supermarket won’t sell alcohol unlesssyou cn prove you’re over 21…..I keep showing my Pension Book but they say it could be a fake and I could wearing a disguise to make myself look like an OAP…I said if you think I look like this and I’m really under 21 is it any wonder I need a drink ?!…..AND the next please……..

      Like

  24. 76
    Eileen Critchley says:

    Want to transform party membership?

    Try choosing the right leader.

    Like

  25. 79
    Sir William Waad says:

    The media are now at that delightful stage where:

    1. They don’t know how Mr Shale died;

    2. They know that they will know how he died, once the quacks have done their work; and

    3. In the meantime, there is nothing to report, but vast amounts of space to report it in.

    So they must resort to speculation, wind, exaggeration, bias and irrelevance. Fortunately these are things that they do extremely well, or at least very persistently.

    Like

    • 94
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      And in 10 days time no-one will be interested in the story.

      Like

      • 128
        Eamonn U Ensis says:

        Personally……….. I’m not interested NOW… but anyone who can venture anywhere near the bogs at any musical festival let alone lock ‘em selves in MUST be pretty desperate in my opinion……

        Like

  26. 80
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK (not Maude) son of COD says:

    A Somerset police spokesman said yesterday
    “The Toilet has been cordoned off for several hours “and at present , we have nothing to go on

    Like

  27. 83
    David Cameron says:

    Samantha walked in the kitchen and said, “That smells nice, what is it?”

    “Its a red wine sauce I’ve made.” I pointed my finger towards her and said, “Have a taste.”

    Samantha said, “That’s fucking disgusting.”

    “Sorry, wrong finger… scratched my arse with that one.”

    Like

  28. 84
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Very interesting reading. I ran that past a Conservative activist and he said it was an accurate critique of his Party. Harsh but fair.

    Like

  29. 85
    Engineer says:

    There is one very good reason for not joining political parties. They’re full of politicians.

    Like

  30. 86
    Ah! Monika says:

    Ordinary working person. Have paid over a £ Million in tax, Nat Ins and god knows what in VAT, council tax etc etc. AND I HAVEN’T EVEN GOT A LOUSY TEE SHIRT to show for it.
    Death and Taxes. Only one left

    Like

  31. 88
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK (not Maude) son of COD says:

    Police said that they found no signs of a “Forced Entry”
    and that they found nothing unusual in an
    ex public school boy spending up to ten hours a day in a toilet cubicle

    Like

  32. 105
    Moussa Koussa says:

    Love the report Guido…fecking priceless. Fav part

    “””Our parties aren’t fun. It’s a slippery slope to political activism. You’ll always have to support us, even when you know we’re wrong. You’ll have to go public about being a Tory and face the consequences with your non-Tory friends. Oh and by the way, we’re after as much of your money as we can get; and we’ll never stop asking for it.””

    Like

  33. 116
    Tron says:

    I think if you live long enough the whole world turns on it’s head.
    The right-wing judges who want to lock criminals up turn into left wing judges who want to let them all go. The Labour Party is tough on crime the Tories are soft. Both of them hate the police but love the “thought police”.
    Lefty liberals who used to march for freedom of speech and no censorship now arrest people for singing Kung Fu Fighting in a pub or telling a joke about an Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman.
    BBC presenters used to dress well and speak the Queens English. Now they dress like scarecrows and talk like black school kids.
    The toilet backstage at a hippy smugfest used to be a place where Rock Stars took drugs, now it is where Top Tories phone the Prime Minister.

    Like

  34. 118
    Pierrepoint says:

    Maybe Shale was hoping to be appointed to the Privvy council and was just doing some research

    Like

    • 122
      Gordon Brown says:

      I sympathise
      Many years ago I to was locked in a closet (see Tonys failed autobiog)

      Like

  35. 120
    Deep Froat says:

    Every PM gets three secret murders, you use them or lose them.

    Obviously Kelly was one of Blairs three. The others…remained secret obviously.

    DC had Shale fracked by mistake. He turned over two pages at once. Wrote his requirements in the wrong place on the wrong report. He was looking at a report on alternative energy -‘Shale Gas and fracking’ at the time. Wrote ‘go gas Shale’ on it and his policy wonks misunderstood it. Called the funny people at ‘MI6 and three quarter’ and the rest was history.

    Like

  36. 129
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    So 1 million public sector scum are going on strike this week, the question is will anyone really notice?

    Sack the fucking lot and save the money teachers get 40k a year, pay them £30 a week dole money, a much better deal.

    Like

  37. 132
    crash says:

    not that i believe there’s any chance he was bumped off but if he were then they would not have done it in such a way that the standard postmortem with toxicology would uncover it. this is going nowhere other than perhaps a half baked ‘Dave is too harsh on those that don’t walk the line’ story.

    Like

  38. 133
    Spyder monkey says:

    Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

    Like

  39. 135
    dr. sipp says:

    REPORT WAS VERY MILD

    if it didnt have tory on it–it applied to any party

    CANT SEE THE FUSS/OR AM I A POLITICAL VIRGIN

    Like

  40. 140
    Anonymous says:

    FFS it is a memo about how to drive up local membership a bit by making the entire concept a bit less unattractive and more in tune with the thinking and wishes of the general voting public! If the author had not had the misfortune to die in a Glasto bog nobody would have even blinked

    e.g.”To many potential members the idea of Tory party social activity is at best rather more threat than promise, at worst a perfect oxymoron.”

    True but you could easily substitute Lairbor or Limp Dem through most of that document and it would still be equally valid. And make equally little difference

    Like

  41. 143
    Norman Tebbit's leather thong says:

    Why the need for such along winded memo? Could easily have been condensed to a one liner:

    Desperate for support, time to fuck over the prole’s, by pretending we’re something we’re not – Nice, ordinary ‘light’ people.

    Bollox you are.

    Like

  42. 144
    pongo snodgrass says:

    Clearly Shale gas is more dangerous than everyone thought

    Like

  43. 157
    Anonymous says:

    This is low, even for you.

    Like

  44. 160
    Jon Shuttleworth says:

    Apparently Mr Shale was found dead in a portable toilet in the VIP backstage area at the Glastonbury Festival on Sunday morning. It is thought he had been dead for about 20 hours before being discovered. That’s a long time isn’t it? Was no-one with him at the Festival and didn’t they wonder where he had gone? The 56 year old Mr Shale was last seen shortly before 1 o’clock on Saturday — just after receiving a telephone call from Downing Street warning him that a memo he had written was about to be made public. Of course not all pathologists can be trusted can they as the case of that fellow fatally pushed down by a so-called police officer at the G20 demo has proved.

    Like

  45. 172
    Anonymous says:

    “We await toxicology reports…”

    Must have been the No 10 Death Department again. What’s bad enough for Kelley is certainly good enough for some fucking tory.

    Like


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Calls for Bercow to Face Inquiry | Mail
Labour Mad to Fight Tories on Tax | Dan Hodges
Right to be Forgotten is a Disaster | Padraig Reidy
Dave Could Be Finished Before 50 | James Forsyth
Why Do Politicians Keep Getting Caught on Tape? | BBC
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Dave Must Get Serious or He Will Lose | Tim Montgomerie
Polling Averages Trend | PoliticalBetting.com


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Knifed former civil service chief Bob Kerslake on his recent troubles:

“Many thks for kind wishes following back opn. Incision measured 16cm. A pretty big knife in the back! Photos on request.”



Rob Wilson says:

Without Predujice

Darling

What time will dinner be ready this evening?

Yours

Rob Wilson MP

In the interests of me I am placing a copy of this email in the public domain.


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