May 30th, 2011

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View


  1. 1

    Good to see that Guido has taken down Twitter.


  2. 22
    Engineer says:

    Consider the following:

    During the last couple of years, we have had scandals at Maidstone and Stafford hospitals, the report a couple of months ago into treatment of the elderly and recent resurfacing of the same problem.

    The NHS budget has risen substantially in the last decade or so.

    Any large organisation will have vested interests working in it, often several.

    The last person with any voice in the healthcare “system” is the patient, and the poorest and most vulnerable have the least say amongst them.

    The NHS does some things very well, and other things (some of us would say many things) appallingly badly.

    “Outcomes” for patients are better in many other countries, some of whom spend less on healthcare than the UK does. Those countries are clearly doing something better than we are.

    Front-line staff such as nurses complain that they can’t do a good job because they have too much work to do, and don’t get adequate back-up from support departments.

    There is a huge management and administration organisation entrenched within the NHS ways of doing things (or ways of not getting things done).

    The country has run out of money, and can’t reasonably spend much more on the NHS, or anything else.

    The NHS could clearly be better.

    Lansley is trying to make it better. His reforms might not be perfect, they may not even work in full, but to abandon them now would be a betrayal of those of us who are forced to use the NHS, and those of us who are forced to pay for it.


    • 30
      Anon says:


      I’d add – just speculatively – that levying a charge of £500 on anyone turning up to hospital dru*nk (£500 plus the cost of their treatment) would not only solve many of the NHS’s problems, but sort out a number of law and order issues, too.


      • 48
        Joss Ayinglike says:

        The NHS bureaucrats would probably need a department of 25,000 people to ‘administer’ the relevant form-filling required to impose and collect that sort of fine. The process would also need to ‘tick dozens of boxes’ to ensure no breaches of ‘Elf ‘n’ Safety, full compliance with anti-discrimination laws and Human Rights laws too. A clipboard carrier’s paradise.


        • 70
          Anon says:

          Rats. You’re right.

          I was thinking it could be made it a criminal offence to attend a hospital whilst dr*unk (minimum fine £500 plus costs, failure to pay lands you 2 months in prison), but we’d still get the new civil service department of 10,000 civil service non-jobbers to do the clip-board multi-culti anti-discriminatory checks.


      • 80
        Sensible Bloke says:

        The hopelessly drunk are not “ill” though they may throw up. In the morning they will be sober, and do not belong in a hospital in the first place.

        The reason there are a growing number of alcohol-related admissions to the NHS, quoted recently in the shockhorror press, is because the police no longer provide “drunk-tanks” as they used to, they stopped to save money and officers time and they got no empty cells anymore.

        The wheeze is drop them off in A&E and dump them on the NHS. The three hour rule for admission (Labour target) means you can’t let drunks just sleep it off, because the clock is ticking, so they have to admit them.

        They should be charged £200 overnight hotel cost, because that’s essentially the service they have had. £500 may be a bit steep. Call it £350 for cash? NHS needs the money


      • 83
        Postlethwaite says:

        So you are proposing another tax.

        Great idea.


      • 125
        Dogsbreath says:

        A good idea except the application always falls over.

        Not all drunks have £500.

        Why not charge the provider £500 every time a drunk turns up?

        There is poetry in that.


        • 132
          Anon says:

          Call it £350. Failure to pay results in 4 weeks in prison.

          You wouldn’t have to punish them often for them to get the message.


          • Mornington Crescent says:

            The ‘authorities’ (ugh) already have the power to recover money owed from salaries or benefits. Dead easy.


      • 266
        stevep says:

        and mutant, inbred children of muslims marrying their own sisters etc should just be put in the zoo where we can all have a laugh


    • 41
      Dack Blog says:

      Maybe in other countries GPs don’t delay referrals. Still, let’s give em more power, eh.


      • 45

        +1 (and pay, why not?)


      • 47
        Engineer says:

        I’d rather the power lay with the patient. It’s us that pay for all this, after all.

        (That said, you can’t use that power without information and knowledge. The ability to change GPs, or get an immediate second opinion, would seem a positive development – so positive, it probably won’t happen.

        The GMC and the BMA are two of the vested interests mentioned above that need to be politely informed that the customer should always come first, and we’re the customers.)


        • 71
          Moley says:

          One of the biggest problems with the NHS is that the money DOES NOT follow the patient.

          The money is disbursed to hospitals regardless of whether patients come or not, which means that hospitals respond to financial stress by a refusal to provide their customers with the service for which they are being paid.

          Payment for work done is the only way forward.


          • Engineer says:

            Good point – that would have the added advantage that those hospitals doing a good job would get more work, and therefore more funding. Those with a poor reputation would lose business, and be forced to either improve or shut. Hopefully.


          • ST says:

            Much as I agree with your sentiment Engineer – and I do – there is one problem and that is the current NHS has encouraged the growth of super hospitals servicing large areas. There is no real choice between hospitals at the moment and therefore its difficult to see how competition could be introduced. Sure, if you are wealthy enough to have a car, or lucky enough to have a supportive family then you could conceivably travel but the heaviest users of the NHS are likely to be among the groups least likely to have those things.

            Ultimately competition is the best way to drive up standards, however, for the time being linking NHS executive pay to outcomes and patient satisfaction would be a good way of emulating the free market.


          • Horny handed son of toil says:

            Yeah, just like I would link public company chief executive pay to the performance of the share price with bonuses being paid in shares!

            Bastards getting rewarded despite driving down the value of their companies.


    • 44
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      A good summation of the problems with the NHS. the vested interest comment hits the nail on the head. I would go further and say that the most powerful vested interest in the NHS atthe moment is the Administrative Management, which can be likened to a cancer in the corpus of the NHS. Strange how the, “cuts” close wards and services but not offices, which seem to keep on growing.


      • 51
        Engineer says:


        The best organisations that I’ve ever worked in, or with, put great store in “doing the basics really well”. The NHS has totally forgotten that and mired itself in self-serving trivia and bureaucracy.


        • 231
          Nemo says:

          Engineer, I bet you would rather employ an experienced apprentice trained fitter/electrician with ONC/HNC than someone who comes straight out university waving a 1-1 infront of your nose ie practice as well as theory.


    • 50
      Nemo says:

      In general I agree with you, trouble is you can think of the NHS as a sort of quasie civil service, do you remember that bloke Robinson doing a program on revising how a hospital is run, on the idiot’s lantern, it happened to be Rotherham hospital not far from where I live. He suggested some fairly obvious reforms but it took some doing to get them implemented, it would be interesting to see if the suggestions are still being in operation. I have been in there and have no large complaints.


    • 86
      Anonymous says:

      Engineer,can a considerable amount of the malaise within the hospital system be laid at the door of the changes whereby “nursing” became a acamedic degree course rather than an “on the ward” training under the supervision of Matron & Sister Tutor?


      • 97
        Jabba the Cat says:

        Well put, the old nursing skill sets dragged down to advanced shoe tying and basket weaving, whilst the bed pan has been replaced by the public sector employee bottomless begging bowl.


        • 163
          Squirty says:

          >the bed pan has been replaced by the public sector employee bottomless begging bowl

          Now there’s an idea! Fill it with something other than money and watch the little piggies flee to the private sector.


      • 98
        Sensible Bloke says:

        Yes there are some nurses obssessed with qualifications and CV-polishing, though that’s true of a lot of industry new graduates.

        The elephant in the room is that they don’t want to take up this career, nursing, at all. Degrees, jobs in the city, foreign travel, company car, rapid promotion if you are easy on the eye.

        As a result more and more of our NHS nurses are “trained aboad” – a euphemisnm for Africa. You want a third world service, bring the third world here.


        • 112
          Engineer says:

          Am I alone in thinking that propping up our own health service with skilled staff trained in less well-off countries (at those countries’ expense) is morally pretty dubious? Don’t those countries need their skilled staff as much as, or more than, we do?


          • Anonymous says:

            Engineer @112~ It’s a trade-off perhaps;we take their skilled workers whilst their unskilled come here to take our low paid & dirty jobs, plus any welfare benefit entitlements.


      • 143

        My wife, who spent many years as a Therapy Radiographer at Guy’s Hospital, would agree with you 100%.

        Another cause of the problem was removing the difference between SRN and SEN and then making nursing into a degree fixated career.

        SRNs actually nursed while SENs emptied bedpans. Perhaps I exaggerate slightly but that was the basic premise.


    • 89
      Sensible Bloke says:

      Engineer: thank you for a sensible and well-argued post. Such a pleasant change from the risible scribblings of the anal-fixated Lower Third around here.


      • 104
        Joss Ayinglike says:

        ‘Anal fixated, lower tird’. Sounds like a case for Ma Coat on.


      • 119
        Engineer says:

        Thank you, S.B.

        I know the politicians read this site avidly, and whilst my opinions are no more valid than those of the the other 61 million people in the country, it’s as good a way getting them across as any.

        I enjoy humour as much as the next bloke, and have been known to join in, but some of the comments on here do make you wonder a bit about the state of some minds. Guido has recently put quite a bit of effort into clearing out and blocking some of the worst offenders, and the comments section is much better for it.


      • 224
        Mark Oaten says:

        Did someone call?


    • 175
      Aunt Hilda says:

      agree largely with what you are saying engineer…the biggest problem with the NHS is scale…with such an enormous organisation achieving a balanced set of outcomes is almost impossible.


  3. 29
    Dilligaff says:

    ‘Think the unthinkable.’ Field does and is roundly damned. This is Cameron’s moment to show leadership and he leaves Lansley to hang.


    • 32
      Wishful thinking? says:

      The mood is certainly turning against Cameron. Dare we dream of a proper Conservative leader before the end of the year?


      • 49
        Grumpy Old Man says:

        The Autumn Conference round could be a difficult time for him. Increasing numbers of the Voluntary party are asking difficult questions without recieving any answers. The 1922 committee is restless, but is not united behind a single leader. Trouble is, there is no obvious alternative at the moment.


      • 88
        Postlethwaite says:

        Dream on. Cast Iron Promise will be there for the duration.


      • 113
        Sensible Bloke says:

        He would like to be at the helm, but it is the Conservatives Party’s job to ditch him as soon as possible, and find a credible candidate representing the Centre Right. Perhaps Geet Wilders is free. Or may be Sarah Palin fancies a sabbatical. It would be worth it just to watch the sistas foaming at the mouth.


      • 180
        Aunt Hilda says:

        not going to happen and for the right reasons.


    • 236
      Anonymous says:

      Cameron’s making the right decision but for the wrong reasons. The GP’s need to be put back in their boxes – salaries doubled and hours reduced by at least a third under labour. That’s one self interest group that needs dismantling not given more powers.

      BTW just read that suspected murderer and scumbag labour adviser to Blunkett and Clarke has committed suicide. Labour attracts murderers – proof!


  4. 31
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    The NHS is shite it is not accountable and is staffed by Labour troll’s
    who just turn up for an easy life
    standard of care is appalling, food appalling, cleanliness appalling !
    shut the fuckin lot down make everyone pay private health insurance
    which must be cheaper
    and then at least you can go elsewhere if your not happy


  5. 33
    Dack Blog says:

    Prevention is better than cure. Too late now for cardioplegia or a drip of political nous.


  6. 37
    Indiana Huhne and the M11 Speed Camera says:

    I hate GATS.


    • 46
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      You will love this then


      • 79
        All police are pigs says:

        That’s excellent. I’d like to see this civil disobedience taken further: vigilantes in Transits driving around, when they see Plod with his speed-gun, they stop, disembark with pick-axe handles, batter the pig to a pulp and then go off in search of the next one.


      • 94
        Anonymous says:

        I’ve never seen a better use for an RPG.


      • 120
        Postlethwaite says:

        More power to their elbow.

        Where i live, speed limits are constantly reduced, expensive looking flashing slow down signs are popping up everywhere and pot holes remain unrepaired.


    • 53
      Flash Gordon says:

      In a rush to get home to Mongo before the missus, were you ?


  7. 52
    Killer Cucumber says:

    Keep eating your salad, everyone dies, NHS superfluous! Simps.


  8. 56
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Can we report Skid and Mark under the trades description act as cartoons are meant to be funny?


  9. 58
    Jamess says:

    Reforming the NHS is dead easy.

    The simplest way is to let those who chose to opt out of the NHS and go private keep the tax that would have gone to the NHS. Socialist who think the NHS is good value for money can’t complain (unless they really think the NHS is bad value for money and the private sector would do a better job) whilst those who think the NHS isn’t good can opt out, build up the private sector, and let that grow year by year.

    Might need to stop healthy people opting out for a year then going back on the NHS once they have cancer. Give people 50% off their NHS tax if they take a year out, 100% of the NHS tax if they take 5 years out.


    • 221
      Nemo says:

      And the NHS can tax private hospitals as a payment towards training doctors and nurses


      • 407
        Sensible Bloke says:

        And the NHS can pay back the rest of the world for the training of all the foreign trained staff it employs? Very sensible. I missed the bit where the state “owns you” and so can charge for anything thereafter that you do, to claw back some imaginary cost of training. Junior doctors are paid salaries.Training in service. Whiich bit does the State own?

        This is another tired old anti-private sector argument that goes back to Barbara Castle days.


  10. 59
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    If you are lucky you only die in a NHS hospital, If you are unlucky you survive and have to go back.


    • 61
      Shock,Awe and Total Indifference says:

      The NHS has seen off better men than Lansley and Cameron…it’s an unreconstructed and unreformable monolith and it’s wards are littered with the careers of politicians who thought they could make a difference…you’d have more chance of abolishing the Monarchy than reforming the NHS


      • 65
        Engineer says:

        Maybe, but that’s no excuse not to keep trying.


        • 96
          Shock,Awe and Total Indifference says:

          Unless the politicians are rock solid and accept that they will get opposition from “interest groups”,unions and media and stick to it they can try all they want but it won’t happen. The LibDems have already got cold feet for political reasons…the Coalition is not strong enough to push these reforms through so Cameron has two alternatives…abandon them to all intents and doubt if he does choose this option he will spin it that he has listened to concerns etc etc and risks losing his Health Secrteary which will foment more dissent on the Tory backbenches and open him to increased criticism of pandering to the LibDems from his right wing or he can push ahead daring the LibDems to pull the Coalition down and face electoral suicide and then go to the country but it would not be certain the Tories would win the election particularly as they would be probably fighting it on an issue that is extremely toxic to them…the NHS…the fact is that “Dave” has lost the argument in the country by allowing the LibDems/Clegg to make the running and given truth to the lie(also fomented by Labour)that the Tories are dismantling the NHS(it’s akin to trying to dis-estabilsh the Church of England)…the best Camerton can do is try and salvage what he can but this issue will seriously wound him if he continues with it……


          • Aunt Hilda says:

            no politician likes tinkering with the NHS for the very reason that it is always contentious with competing opinions all seeing different ways forward. Over the longer term the NHS will steadily improve but without continual renewal the pace will vary. Brave to keep trying but labour proved throwing money at it isn’t the answer and restructuring management systems and numbers will always drag on performance outcomes.


          • Airey Belvoir says:

            Shock, Awe etc:

            You appear to have run out of full stops. Here are some spares:
            . . . . . . .


          • Ignorant LibDem MP, friend of Drug Dealers, from Portsmouth says:



  11. 62

    Twitter still down. Site running three times as fast.


  12. 63
    Where's Gordon? says:


  13. 64
    Calamity Clegg says:

    Who’s the daddy?


  14. 66
    Observer says:

    Cuff drawn upside down.


  15. 66
    Moley says:

    Cameron’s reforms have gone with the wind.

    Climate change is causing the wind in the UK to drop, leaving all Huhne’s windmills as very expensive perches for seagulls.


    • 74
      S Tringham-Uppe says:

      We could use the windmills instead of lamp-posts when we sort out Westminster.


    • 76
      don't make me laugh says:

      “According to government figures, 13 of the past 16 months have been calmer than normal – while 2010 was the “stillest” year of the past decade.

      Meteorologists believe that changes to the Atlantic jet stream could alter the pattern of winds over the next 40 years and leave much of the nation’s growing army of power-generating turbines becalmed.”

      And further.

      “Dr David Brayshaw, also from Reading’s Department of Meteorology, added: “If wind speed lowers, we can expect to generate less electricity from turbines – that’s a no-brainer.”

      Is there really anybody with any brains in any department of meteorology?


    • 91
      Engineer says:

      No problem. All we need to do is build more gas-fired and coal-fired stations, and use some of the power they generate to back-feed half of the wind turbines. They would thus become fans to keep the other half turning.


    • 120
      fat to electrons says:

      Why not get the NHS to issue exercise bikes equped with electric generators to all fatties? They could then convert their crisps, chips and pies into electricity and power the country.


  16. 69
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Looks like Man U’s performance on Saturday, starts off at a high tempo, sudden followed by huge collapse then flat as Barcelona run riot.


  17. 73
    filipinomonkey says:

    Ooooooh I know who it is this week, it’s Chris Huhne unplugging a speed camera.


    • 82
      Napoleon Heauneparte says:

      you fool! Don’t you recognise a portrait of Cherie Blair when you see one?


  18. 78
    Ed says:

    I’m thlim thhady, yeth I’m the real thhady, all the other thlim thhadys are jutht imitating.


  19. 84
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    So what happens at the BBC ?


    • 93
      quelle suprise says:

      “A total of 410 disciplinary procedures have been recorded by the corporation since April 2006, with 11 employees rebuked for drug abuse – believed to be cocaine – and alcohol dependency.”

      Tell us something we don’t know Billy.


      • 211
        Nemo says:

        What goes on at Murdocher’s Sky or the greater news international group, some of those Fox people must be on something, mind Dubyah used to an alcholic (to his credit he is off that) even snow has been mentioned, I say everything in moderation.


  20. 87

    “Ultimately, Labour wins by offering a better a better tomorrow and not a better yesterday.” Douglas Alexander.

    1. Your yesterday was a disaster.

    2. In politics, tomorrow never comes, especially if promised.


  21. 95
    FIFA says:

    We’re honest. Just as honest as Labour.


  22. 99
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Here is a picture of TAT with his only friend in the world


  23. 102
    Dr. Suess says:

    Tat in a hat with a cat


  24. 107
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    I think Samcam is rather fit, especially compared to the vile Sarah Brown (Mrs Mong to you and me) and all the other socialist hags


  25. 109
    TAT says:

    50p for a cup of tea guv ?


  26. 115
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    It’s odd this pretence that Mrs Cameron is somehow attractive. The same pretence, I suppose, we had to endure that Prince Charles was handsome. I think it’s called arse-licking.


  27. 118
    I'll have a P please Bob says:

    As I foretold you:

    “Chris Huhne’s estranged wife refused to tell police whether she took speeding points on his behalf because her children feared she would be sent to prison, it was claimed yesterday.

    It had been widely expected that Vicky Pryce would repeat allegations about the Energy Secretary that she appeared to have made to two Sunday newspapers.

    However, when interviewed by detectives last week she declined to give evidence against Mr Huhne amid concerns that she would incriminate herself and could be charged with conspiracy to pervert the course of justice.

    Her children, who are all adults, are believed to have pleaded with her not to give evidence amid concerns that both their parents could face criminal prosecution.”

    Just to remind the slower kids at the back: up to decree absolute of divorce she ain’t a compellable witness.


    • 233

      Oh, thanks for that. So when soon can we make him our PM then?

      Hey, I’ve got to go to Italy tomorrow. I’ll pop in on Papa Ratzi and ask him if he can be beatified, no need to wait for painful death, or any of that old nonsense. The bloke is a brick…

      … shithouse.


  28. 126
    Norwegian Blue Parrot says:

    If you think I am dead wait till you see the case against Huhne

    titter titter


    • 128
      Huhne free says:

      If there is no signed affidavit by Mrs Huhne then he is in the clear. Everyone knows he done it but no one can prove it.


      • 133
        Dave makes Brown look sane says:

        Ah, great. So this joke’s going to stay in the cabinet, jumping up and down on TV in front of an incredulous electorate?

        And Dave wants to be taken seriously?


    • 135
      Miss Terpraline says:

      Nailed to its perch. Smells fishy to me.


    • 155
      I says:

      Prosecute him.
      Get her into court
      Make her swear on oath to tell the truth ……etc
      Damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t


    • 166

      So much for the lying fucker saying on tv
      that he would help the police with their questions !


    • 328
      Bob R says:

      It seems that she has rarther belatedly twigged that she would be in the poo too, if she carried on. However, it may now be too late to save herself. It would seem that the police can prove that she wasn’t driving (L.S.E. etc. (quite a memorable event, I would have thought)). So, they can prove that she has wilfuly & knowingly made a false statement that she was driving (S5(b) Perjury Act 1911). Without any evidence form her or CH, it will be much harder to prove the PCoJ by either, or the conspiracy. Whilst CH will have made a false statement, can they prove that he did it wilfully and knowingly? Therefore, the case against CH would seem to turn on them being able to raise a case to answer, and then rely on the court making an adverse inference.


  29. 134
    save Battersea power station. says:

    Did you know that electricity generated in Jockland that finds its way into a london house has lost over 20% of its energy by the time it gets there?


  30. 136
    Darwin in action says:

    ‘Bradford is very inbred’

    “Inbreeding among British Muslims is threatening the health of their children, a leading geneticist warned yesterday.”


    • 142
      sorted says:

      What about all the little brown babies being born to 13 year old white girls?


    • 147
      Richard D. says:

      Jones argues elsewhere ad-nauseam that human evolution is over!!

      NB Prof. Evolution is omni-directional


    • 164
      Selohesra says:

      Perhaps God/allah is solving the problem politicians are affraid to face.


    • 291
      Anonymous says:

      Is a “geneticist” a synonym for “racist”?


    • 311
      spandangler says:

      just the tip of the iceburger my friends!


      • 393
        Anonymous says:

        A friend taught in a primary school in a largely muslim area a few years ago and was staggered at the number of kids suffering from the kind of genetic problems the professor has pointed out. It’s not racist, it’s a fact.


  31. 137
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    at least we only have to see these “Cartoons” once a week :-)


  32. 140
    Sarah Brown says:

    I’m horny.


  33. 146
    Of course says:

    You been to an A&E in the last decade? I have. I noticed there’s always a disproportionate number of muslims in the waiting areas, the headscarfed women looking decrepit, the men in those gruesome long white skirts and beards, the kids sickly. It just didn’t seem right that they always outnumbered others by such a wide margin. And then I realised. That’s what you get from generation after generation of inter-marriage. You can do that for so long before it permanently poisons your gene pool, hence the frequency of visits to A&E with sick children or sick adults.


    • 152
      I says:

      Now which University Research Department will pick this one up and run with it.


      • 367
        Major Paddy says:

        None,sadly here in Birmingham several researchers have been highlighting this for at least 20 years-result -largely accusations of racism-also it is common for an unemployed mecca-nodder to have two or three families on the benefit system,and yes the Beano Agency is aware-its their culture innit


    • 159
      Lobster Throttler says:

      Thats why in Iran and Iraq and all the third world muslim shitholes the population are all fucking lunatics, and in Britain they all have motability cars as well and every benefit they can get and this costs us billions every year, the more cripples and loonys the more money they get, marrying you first cousin is illegal but these fuckers do it and the cowardly government lets them get away with it.


      • 167
        True fact says:

        Higher incidence of deafness too.


      • 182
        Benny Fitz says:

        A friend who works in benefit claims told me of an arab man newly arrived in London with his family who wanted to backdate his benefits to the year before he arrived! Naturally they refused.


    • 358
      MARK OATEN (Shit Breath to my friends) says:

      A big Plus One !


  34. 154
    True Story says:

    I walked into my local hospital once wearing a suit and a white lab coat, glasses and with a fake stethoscope well positioned not to give the game away, on the hunt for medical marijuana, needless to say I didn’t find any but I didn’t get asked any questions to what I was doing either.

    I was talking to a nice blonde nurse for ten minutes about what club she was going to later that night.


    • 156
      I says:

      Are you the one who removed my good testicle?


    • 157
      Nurses in uniform says:

      But did you shag her? No point mentioning talking to a blonde babe if you didn’t bump uglies with her later.


      • 161
        I says:

        Bump uglies…..great phrase….brilliant education to be found on here. Last Friday I discovered ” plating ” or is it plateing?


        • 168
          True Story says:

          Not in the hospital but we did meet at a later date.


          • Carry on Doctor says:

            Well of course…all nurses dream of marrying a doctor(even a fake one in your case)….I remember forays into the forbidden harem of the nurses home well…once you got past the Senior Sister downstairs who clocked all the males in and out max stay 10 mins….. you were well away (as long as you weren’t on call that is)although you normally had to shin down the drainpipe to get out as the the doors were always kept locked and the key kept by the said watchdog downstairs…………


          • prick stick says:

            Of course, once your chat up lines worked they’re magic, she was yours for the taking.


          • GORDON BROWNSYNDROME says:

            Was this her ?


        • 179
          Further education says:

          Mark Oaten is a fan of the Cleveland Steamer.


        • 196
          You have led a very sheltered life says:

          Why were you talking to Carina Trimmingham ?
          Trimming is also a good word look it up


        • 294
          Anonymous says:

          It’s neither of those I says, it’s plaiting; you should have gone to Specsavers.


    • 188
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      Many years ago a friend of mine put on a long coat and trilby hat and walked into an indian curry house flashing his savers seven bus pass
      he said public health officer and asked to be shown to the kitchen where he made them throw all the pans of curry in the bin
      close for the night and had them all frantically scrubbing the walls and floors before leaving
      well done Con !


  35. 162
    Selohesra says:

    When Huhne eventually gets sacked perhaps Nick Clegg could appoint Sepp Blatter as a Libdem peer – and try and bring some credibility and integrity to Libdem side of cabinet.


    • 171
      Jabba the Cat says:

      “…bring some credibility and integrity to Libdem side of cabinet.”

      There is an oxymoron hiding in there somewhere…


    • 277
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      I am a much better candidate to be made a LibDem Peer, than Sepp Blatter.


      • 313
        Chris Huhne says:

        You, Jeremy Thorpe, Mark oaten and I will all one day be in the House of Lords, Mike. Boaz.


  36. 172
    Muzees love their guns says:

    Can someone explain why muslims and their trendy leftie apologists call the west savage when we always see footage of muzbots firing guns into the air at random events? You see men, women and kids firing guns into the air at weddings, funerals, protest marches, anything. Are guns that easy to get in muhammadland? Even in America where the right to bear arms is in the constitution you don’t see that kind of random usage. I’ve never forgotten a news story years ago about an iranian wedding where a guest fired an AK at the ceiling in celebration which caused the ceiling to collapse and kill most of the wedding party.


    • 174
      I says:

      The bullets cost over a quid each. Also occasionally hear of a bullet passing through a person’s head on the way down


      • 181
        MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

        Depending on calibre they can cost as little as 10 cents American
        MOD pays 6p per round from the yanks
        while other EU countries get them for as little as 2p per round
        must have something to do with our special relationship


        • 186
          Voice of Treason says:

          Don’t worry, the stupid twat Dave ‘foreign aid’ Cameron will make sure there’s enough of our taxes to pay for the bullets that are aimed at the West.


    • 185
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      Yes very strange that they keep firing them in the direction of Allah
      Like in Libya
      If they fired them in the direction of the opposition
      the fuckin shebang might be over now


  37. 173
    Cheryl Cole says:

    Wai aye pet! I doono why yowze don’t geet wha I sayeen like!


  38. 177
    Tony Blair says:

    Jesus he knows me
    And he knows I’m right
    I’ve been talking to jesus
    All my life


  39. 183
    Gordon Brown says:

    Today I will be doing the same as when parliament is in session. Fuck all.


  40. 184
    Don't call me Shirley says:


  41. 187
    Ed Milimong says:

    I’ve had a terrific honeymoon with Juthtine. We had a 69 on our wedding night. Thweet and thour pork. We thpent the retht of the weekend watching my entire box thet of Thtar Trek Deep Thpace Nine. I think I’ll make Labour’th new thlogan “Rethithtance ith futile”.


  42. 190
    Christ on a bike, Ed looks like a fucking mong when he grins says:


  43. 191
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    who can we hang today?


  44. 192
    Sharon Shoesmith is an evil cunt says:

    On Radio 4 the other day she yelled “I don’t do blame! I’m not in the blame game!” Really? Most people do you evil c unt. I hope you get your head kicked the fuck in.


    • 208
      Tessa Tickles says:

      I hope her feeble civil-servant mind thinks it a good idea to go on a spending-spree. I hope she maxes-out her cr*edit cards and then has her compensation quashed, leaving her destitute for the rest of her pitiful and useless life.


    • 286
      Selohesra says:

      If she goes for compensation then presumably he is blaning someone for dismissing her without going throgh the correct forms and proceses


  45. 193
    Ed says:

    I’m fatht and furiouth!


  46. 194
    Sepp Blatter, President, World Society of Friends of Suspenders says:

    I’ve always been in favour of suspensions – it’s my stocking trade.


    • 202
      SHIT SPLATTER of FIFA says:

      I will be having new conference later to confirm that nobody saw me give million dollars to Caribbean football union so i is innocent


  47. 197
    I says:

    Guido, you know a thing or two about bonfires. How many QUANGOs have been immolated so far?


  48. 204
  49. 205

    If you dont give me my job back i’m going to start a “Dirty Protest” !


  50. 219
    Gordon Brown says:

    Can I be prime minister again?


  51. 225

    I hope other sites follow Guido’s lead and block their Twitter boxes.

    Talk about wanting to have the penny and the bun.


  52. 226
    Yvette Cooper says:

    Every night I have Balls in my mouth.


  53. 227
    How about you just stick your head in a compactor? says:


  54. 228

    Here’s one for you Schrodingers Cat


  55. 229
    Moley says:

    Conservative Councillors in Bexley set up a website to smear the council’s critics.


  56. 239
    Seriously tho. says:

    Give a man a fishing rod and………….
    Give em cash and they buy Mercs
    Give em a Goat and they eat it.
    Give em a bike and they can get a job ( HT N Tebbit )


    • 243
      Nemo says:

      Is requested in most job aderts, applicants must have a valid driving licence


      • 345
        South London Purveyor of Dodgy Stuff says:

        Wanna buy a forgery? Only £100 nicker, looks just like the real thing, any address you want.


    • 269
      GAZZA says:

      Give a man a fishing rod and….WHAT ?
      He’ll go fishing ?
      He’ll catch fish ?
      He’ll sell it ?
      He’ll get shot ?



      • 276
        Cameron makes Brown look sane says:

        It’s an old saying. Give a man a fish and he’ll feed his family for a day, then he’ll come back for more fish. Give a man a fishing rod, and he can feed his family himself, no need for futher handouts.

        To put it in a contemporary happy clappy Cameron context, “give Pah Kiss Tan £650million of our money so they can educate some girls for four years, and they’ll p!ss it all away on nuclear weapons. Give them SFA and they’ll have to cut their own multi-billion pound defence bud*get and spend their own money on education.


        • 283
          The times they are a'changin' says:

          And here’s another issue of public concern that Cameron and his band of happy hippies has got badly wrong……so after 12 months in power and he’s already losing his core vote in his attempts to change his party into the LibDems….people are more concerned about effing potholes than overseas aid…it may be parochial…it may be short-sighted …but it’ll lose you the election “Dave” along with your botched NHS reforms and your Libyan adventure….so when you manage to drag youself back from Ibizia you’d better sort it…fast


          • I Remember You Hoo says:

            He’s not trying to turn the party into the Lib-Dim party, he is trying to recreate the SDP with a fuzzy blue and green tree.


          • Tell it like it really is says:

            How long before the ever shrinking band of people, WHO PAY TAX, not all the cash in hand, deal in cash brigade, finally decide to revolt? It cannot be far off given that the burden of free loaders, illegals, benefit spongers is totally out of control……

            ……….Censorship by the govt, bbc, that is now being perpetrated on a massive scale is going to be under more and more pressure as economic reality bites………..withdrawal from the EU now, pressure Our Dave to stop immigration, as he promised, I recall, instead he’s increased it.


  57. 241
    Nemo says:

    Where is Guido and his team only the “cartoon” this morning.


    • 271
      Irishman says:

      And why has he got Tree cuff-links?


      • 293
        Workmen outside our house says:

        “Thanks for the three cups of tea on a tray.”

        My wife asked them to repeat it many times over before she understood


  58. 246
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Wheres the beef?


  59. 252
    Gordon spurned says:

    Me all alone behind the Abbey


  60. 257
    Sportsdesk says:

    Isn’t it about time Murray “crashed out” of something?


  61. 258
    Should have gone to says:

    1/2 Price Laser Eye Surgery ( below )

    Gorgon get them to do the other one, it’ll be free


  62. 261
  63. 262
    Schrodingers Snatch says:

    Has anyone seen my pussy?

    Does anyone want to see my pussy?


  64. 287
    I don't do blame says:

    Baby P didn’t die in vane. I stand to make £Millions


    • 288
      I don't do blame says:

      And Oh, lessons have been learned. ( by other Social Service Directors ) Get them to sack you.


  65. 290
    Coronation Chicken says:

    Are Brown and Blatter related? I think we should be told.


  66. 292
    David Blunkett says:

    I have never seen a more honest looking man than Sepp Blatter


  67. 297
    girlie football fan says:

    We feel fuckin stupid now !
    Reading 0- Swansea 3 and its not half time yet


  68. 300
    Shhh says:

    Knock knock

    Who’s there


  69. 302
    Silent Bob says:



  70. 303
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    300th :-)


  71. 306
    Voice of Treason says:

    News Item: Executive pay has risen 30% in the last year.

    So much for twat Cameron’s “We’re all in it together.” Oh I forgat – he meant all the millionaires are in it together – fucking Tory c-u-n-t-s.


  72. 307
    Don't know how to post photos says:

    Berlusconi and Blatter are identical twins


  73. 308
    Looking for tit a tat twat says:

    Has TaT recovered yet from shaving his pubic hair off?


  74. 312
    Raving Loon says:

    It’s pointless trying to reform something that is a vestage of unrecontructed socialism. Only 2 other nations (even including those which have “universal healthcare”) have our system, namely Cuba and N.Korea. Except perhaps Somalia and 19th century field hospitals, we have arguably the worst medical system in the world. It will never change…ever. It will only get more expensive and offer a worse service as time goes on until either:

    a) we go bankrupt trying to pay for it
    b) accept that central planning of goods and services always fails and disband the NHS.


  75. 315
    nell says:

    I see gordon is in am er i ca talking to piers morgan whilst sarah is swanning around it aly.

    When are this couple ever at home? And how much is gordon’s security detail costing us as he keeps wafting endlessly and worthlessly around the world?!


    • 322
      labourunionsbbc we are one says:

      Nell, I think your gonna have to face it – this nasty ‘socialist’ freak is goning to take, take, take from the British taxpayer without giving a thing in return untill he lands the important international job he craves (and thinks he deserves). Then and only then will he give up his shafting of the populace.


      • 324
        nell says:

        As long as he doesn’t think any of us endorse his purposeless globetrotting.

        As for that international job , the imf won’t have him, fifa doesn’t want him and cameron wants to give the wto job due next year to mandy.

        Only thing that seems to be left is bag carrying for bliar (another worthless useless globetrotter) around the mid dle ea st.


        • 325
          Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

          He could always retire to the socailist paradise of …………


        • 329
          SHIT SPLATTER of FIFA says:

          N e ll is th ere s o mth ing wr o ng with yo ur spa ce bar ?


          • Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

            Nell Trying to beat the auto Mod.


          • QUESTIONS NEED TO BE ASKED says:

            Why has nobody brought a criminal prosecution against Brown the freeloading fucker, for fraud ?
            Why doesn’t Call me useless Dave question it in the house ?
            is it because they all piss in the same pot ?


    • 330
      Labour's green policies in theory and practice says:

      “as he keeps wafting endlessly and worthlessly around the world”

      That’s surely not the same Gordon Brown who “committed the UK to reducing carbon dioxide emissions by 60% before 2050 to help tackle global warming.” ?


      • 338
        labourunionsbbc we are one says:

        Ahm but here’s the rub: with socialist policy and actions, the end justifies the means.

        So . . . when Mc mental does land that ‘top’ job, just think of all the good he will do.

        He’ll be, err, that’s to say he’ll do, erm . .


  76. 320
    Chris Huhne says:

    It’s not that easy bein’ green;
    Having to spend each day the color of the leaves.
    When I think it could be nicer being red, or
    yellow or gold-
    or something much more colourful  like that.


  77. 323
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Cricket getting intresting , Sri Lanka 37-4


  78. 326
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    43-5 , Might sneak a win here.


  79. 340
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    So now we have a welsh team in the ENGLISH premier league, Its not Cricket!


  80. 341

    I’m not well
    i’m too ill to travel
    let me stay here
    i don’t want to go to the hague
    they might put me in prison
    i was fit as a fiddle last week
    i haven’t murdered anyone for years now
    it’s not fair
    what about my human rights
    i have rights you know


    • 350

      Come to the UK
      We will give you benefits
      Scotland will give you even more
      We always protect those who are rich or prominent
      with public money
      rather than the ordinary person
      who we need to oppress
      You look the right type
      You would fit in nicely with our politicos
      And keep the masses at bay.
      Your grievances
      look genuine.
      Choose us – please.


    • 359
      I says:

      Have a quick word with Shoesmith. If se can get off with it you can


  81. 343
    50 Calibre says:

    There is not a large organisation on the planet that really works very well.

    Why should the NHS be any different?

    When Dave & Co realise this reality and break the system down into manageable chunks, it might start to work for the poor old patient and cost one hell of a lot less…


  82. 344
    Jacqui Hancock says:

    Leave my husband alone!


  83. 348
    Killer Cucumber, my 20 mins of fame says:

    Showing in the West End next week

    “The Day of The Killer Cucumber”

    Starring Lettuce Leaf, Robbie Raddish, Tommy Tomato and Spanish Pee


  84. 349
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    England win by a Innings and 14 runs.

    What a game!


  85. 354
    Anonymous says:

    is this all you got today?


    • 360
      Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

      Tis a blank holiday in hounor of Edward Miliband making a honest woman of Justine.


  86. 362

    Tea time and the Twitter ‘t’ is still empty. What are words worth?

    Оh! plеаsаnt еxеrcіsе оf hоpе аnd jоy!
    Fоr mіghty wеrе thе аυxіlіаrs whіch thеn stооd
    Upоn оυr sіdе, wе whо wеrе strоng іn lоvе!
    Blіss wаs іt іn thаt dаwn tо bе аlіvе,
    Bυt tо bе yоυng wаs vеry hеаvеn! – Оh! tіmеs,
    Іn whіch thе mеаgrе, stаlе, fоrbіddіng wаys
    Оf cυstоm, lаw, аnd stаtυtе, tооk аt оncе
    Thе аttrаctіоn оf а cоυntry іn rоmаncе!
    Whеn Rеаsоn sееmеd thе mоst tо аssеrt hеr rіghts,
    Whеn mоst іntеnt оn mаkіng оf hеrsеlf
    А prіmе Еnchаntrеss – tо аssіst thе wоrk,
    Whіch thеn wаs gоіng fоrwаrd іn hеr nаmе!
    Nоt fаvоυrеd spоts аlоnе, bυt thе whоlе еаrth,
    Thе bеаυty wоrе оf prоmіsе, thаt whіch sеts
    (Аs аt sоmе mоmеnt mіght nоt bе υnfеlt
    Аmоng thе bоwеrs оf pаrаdіsе іtsеlf)
    Thе bυddіng rоsе аbоvе thе rоsе fυll blоwn.
    Whаt tеmpеr аt thе prоspеct dіd nоt wаkе
    Tо hаppіnеss υnthоυght оf? Thе іnеrt
    Wеrе rоυsеd, аnd lіvеly nаtυrеs rаpt аwаy!
    Thеy whо hаd fеd thеіr chіldhооd υpоn drеаms,
    Thе plаyfеllоws оf fаncy, whо hаd mаdе
    Аll pоwеrs оf swіftnеss, sυbtіlty, аnd strеngth
    Thеіr mіnіstеrs, – whо іn lоrdly wіsе hаd stіrrеd
    Аmоng thе grаndеst оbjеcts оf thе sеnsе,
    Аnd dеаlt wіth whаtsоеvеr thеy fоυnd thеrе
    Аs іf thеy hаd wіthіn sоmе lυrkіng rіght
    Tо wіеld іt; – thеy, tоо, whо, оf gеntlе mооd,
    Hаd wаtchеd аll gеntlе mоtіоns, аnd tо thеsе
    Hаd fіttеd thеіr оwn thоυghts, schеmеrs mоrе mіld,
    Аnd іn thе rеgіоn оf thеіr pеаcеfυl sеlvеs; –
    Nоw wаs іt thаt bоth fоυnd, thе mееk аnd lоfty
    Dіd bоth fіnd, hеlpеrs tо thеіr hеаrt’s dеsіrе,
    Аnd stυff аt hаnd, plаstіc аs thеy cоυld wіsh;
    Wеrе cаllеd υpоn tо еxеrcіsе thеіr skіll,
    Nоt іn Utоpіа, sυbtеrrаnеаn fіеlds,
    Оr sоmе sеcrеtеd іslаnd, Hеаvеn knоws whеrе!
    Bυt іn thе vеry wоrld, whіch іs thе wоrld
    Оf аll оf υs, – thе plаcе whеrе іn thе еnd
    Wе fіnd оυr hаppіnеss, оr nоt аt аll!


    • 390
      Colonel Blimp says:

      This royal throne of kings, this scepter’d isle,

      This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,

      This other Eden, demi-paradise,

      This fortress built by Nature for herself

      Against infection and the hand of war,

      This happy breed of men, this little world,

      This precious stone set in the silver sea,

      Which serves it in the office of a wall,

      Or as a moat defensive to a house,

      Against the envy of less happier lands,

      This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England

      From Richard II, Act 2 (Shakespeare)


  87. 366
    Coronation Chicken says:

    OED: “To blatter: origin: 1545–55; < Latin blaterāre to prate, babble; use and spelling probably altered by association with other expressive verbs ending in -er….."


  88. 369
    Concrete Pump says:

    Any truth in the rumour that Chris Huhne is taking on Sepp Blatter to be elected as FIFA President ?


    • 379
      Shock,Awe and Total Indifference says:

      Absolutely bizarre performance by Blatter….. now that was the best news conference I’ve heard in many a long day….Blatter dismissed the FA and Triesmann accustaions in about one sentence…nuthin’ to see here move on ….the UK hacks almost staged a riot at the end as Sepp came back to lecture them for stirring up a crisis. What Crisis ? he said adding at the end that when he was a journalist if they said the press conference we was finished hesaid Thank You and left and you should now do the same(subtext: now fuck off you english shit stirrers)Absolutely hilarious as dear old Sepp looks forward to another 4 years in the job…the journos never laid a glove on him…..


      • 383
        SHIT SPLATTER of FIFA says:

        Breaking news
        Germany will close ALL it’s nuclear power stations by 2022
        where as call me Dave wants more to be built
        the solution will be
        for the Germans to build their nuclear power stations Here and cable the electricity back to Germany
        exactly what the french do now !

        Daves Dustbin of Europe


        • 389
          Monty says:

          Fuck the Krauts.


        • 391
          Moley says:

          Germany has plenty of cheap coal.

          No good for wind or tidal power.

          Funny how the EU is making us close most of our coal fired power stations.


          • One day we might see one of Dave's polcies last almost a whole week says:

            Look on the bright side – Dave’s plan to make Britain the most eco-friendly EU “state” had a caveat that the rest of the EU had to keep up with us.

            Germany’s already signalled it’s going to go CO2-crazy. Dave has to abandon his plan (thank f*uck). And after only .. 4 days?


          • SHIT SPLATTER of FIFA says:

            That’s because they still run on English coal
            once they close down
            we will be allowed to build the new generation
            of German coal fired ones
            that’s the EU way


      • 399
        Coronation Chicken says:

        Indeed, reminiscent of Brown’s hooning gurn to video that turned out to be so disastrous. Very bad idea to piss off the press like that. He would also have done better to keep everyone else in the tent pissing out, rather than the other way around. I only mention this (nod to Gweed) because of the strange parallels with McCavity. They could be twins, although dear old Septic is of course, much older…. time to hang up his boots!


    • 388
      Crime Watch says:

      Surely the FA has to withdraw from FIFA now.


      • 403
        SHIT SPLATTER of FIFA says:

        For years we have been told that the world cup is devalued if England arn’t there
        so that being the case ,lets let it be known that we intend to withdrawer
        and see if any of the other major federations will follow suit
        it could even be the begining of the end for FIFA which has got to be the most corrupt organisation on earth
        It could even lead to the formation of a new woprld body which would have to be more accountable !


        • 405
          Voice of Treason says:

          Can’t see if it makes much difference. England are never there for very long in any case.


  89. 370
    Mark Oaten says:

    Who’d like to try my swedish meatballs?


  90. 376
    Huhne-acus says:

    I’m Huhne-acus!


  91. 395
    why am I paying my f-ing licence fee? says:

    Can someone explain to me why the BBC 24 hour news channel has been showing the 2001 election coverage all day today?
    Even ten years ago it was only interesting to a tiny minority of the population.


  92. 397

    I got a tweet from Labour. So being a bank holiday with time to spare I designed them a new logo and tweeted it back to them. don’t know if they’ll take it up, but fingers crossed.


  93. 401
    sandown says:

    Back on the original topic of NHS reform, no-one in the public sector ever wants to be reformed. All they want is bigger handouts from the tax-payer, and no questions asked about what happens to the enormous sums they get already.

    And when they receive their increased handouts, as they almost invariably do, these are described as “cuts”, or else as “savage cuts”. Or even as “savage cuts by hard uncaring Thatcher — oh dear, she won’t be around much longer as a hate-figure — well, better make the most of her while we can … ”

    And all this parasitic snivelling is eagerly promoted by the BBC, the Goebbels of the public sector.

    So let’s start by privatising the BBC, and work backwards from there.


  94. 406
    Voice of Treason says:

    Executive pay up by 30% last year. Sharon Shoestring responsible as head of department for the death of baby Peter – to be awarded hundreds of thousands. This is England today a cesspit place wher the rich get richer and responsibility is a dirty word.

    Bob Crow – do your best to fuck up these bastards and get what you can out of this government for your members because it seems all the top guys are just screwing us.


Seen Elsewhere

How Avoidable Scandals Destroy Stupid Politicians | Alex Wickham
UKIP Mosque Confusion | The Week
Let’s Ban the Word Internet | Padraig Reidy
Are the Broadcasters Ready For the Election? | Specccie
Moral Bankruptcy of the BBC | David Keighley
UKIP’s ‘Starsky and Hutch’ | Total Politics
Innocent Sun Journo Just Doing Her Job | Sun
Boris Sent Up North | Times
The Only Way to Mend the EU | Leo McKinstry
Northern Labour Tearing Party Apart | David Aaronovitch
Osborne is Son of Brown | Peter Oborne

Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Tony Blair threatens Ed:

“If you had a strong political lead that was combining the politics of aspiration with the politics of compassion, I still think that’s where you could get a substantial majority…  If I ever do an interview on [the state of the Labour Party], it will have to be at length…”

Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.

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