May 6th, 2011

Friday Caption Contest (LibDem Seats Edition)


  1. 1
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    For what its worth.

    “I think we are alone now”

    • 5
      Me Me says:

      Surfaris: Wipe Out

      • 14
        Me Me says:

        because only a song would do!

        • 282
          David Laws Lib Dem fiddler says:

          I can’t believe it!

          Yes Paddy, get used to it. The only way your party will survive is if it shuts up and lets the Tories run the show.

          If Dave had balls, which we doubt, he would now call an election. Fck the Lie Dems, wipe them out.

          • Idle says:

            Paddy’s previous evening had started so well, as he treated Douglas Murray with contempt, had patronised him whilst oozing sanctimoniousness, and had made Yasmin Alibai-Brown damp with excitement. He then wowed the audience with tales of derring do, killing enemy comabatants with his bare hands and seeing his comrades die around him. All this delivered with his eyelids narrowed to mere slits, voice reduced to menacing sub-Churchillian growl. At any moment, one felt he might stab Murray in the throat. Truly, we were never so safe as when Paddy did our killing for us and then retired from active service to carry the standard of righteousness an liberal RECTITUDE in all things.

            After that, however, he found that even the QT identikit leftwinger and grievance-merchant audience were reduced to pointing at him and giggling as he fabricated stories about his pivotal role in the creation of a coalition with the Tories and condemning Brron to opposition and oblivion. He tried to get back on track with more war stories and dying comrades, but it was too late. The magic had worn off, the fizz had left the bottle, the audience suddenly aware of a naked charlatan in front of them.

            Suddenly, no one wanted to know Paddy any more.

          • Dick the Prick says:

            Paddy, watching himself on QT on his iplayer, sniffs finger ‘ah, Yasmin’

      • 38
        Anonymous says:

        Labour supporters used to vote LD to keep Tories away, now they aren’t doing it so Tories are doing well as well. For LD isn’t a disaster its a tsunami. Sad thing is LD leaders are so interested in power, they are refusing to see what is happening.

      • 115
        clarabella says:

        The great thing about being in governmment and having power is everyone wants to get close to you.

        • 325
          Qui Bono says:

          Ashdown says: “I am very, very angry about this result, I feel betrayed, there is no-one I can make big puppy-dog eyes at and act all hard because of my time in the marines, revealing a tough yet caring side and then commit adultery with”

      • 161
        Guido fawkes says:

        Well labour in scotland was going well – on par with the SNP

        and then Gordon Brooon ( doom merchant ) entered campaign

        result … the greatest defeat in scotland, and a majority for SNP in a system designed by labour to prevent (mix of FPTP and AV+) a majority

        just like thier economic woes, broon is now crippled in his back yard.

        Sadly SNP is just a socialist party who wants independance…

        • 192
          Geordie Scoot says:

          Tweet of the day – the SNP provides a winning combination of Nationalism and Socialism – what can possibly go wrong with that?

          • Herr A Hitler, Muenchen, says:

            So, prima! Schottland, neu Hauptstadt der Bewohnung.

          • The National Scots Democratic Alliance Party.

            You’re right. That does sound familiar.

          • The Paragnostic says:

            In other news, an exhibition of Alex Salmond’s watercolours will replace the degenerate Young British Artists at the Kelvingrove, while fine examples of Scottish Youth parade in their kilts, ginger hair gleaming in the sunshine of “A New Beginning” (Voelkische Beobachter, 1925…).

            Eurythmics classes for all are set to be announced in the Leader’s first address at NuremEdinburg.

          • genghiz the kahn says:

      • 216
        Sir William Waad says:

        # “Just when I’d stopped opening doors,
        Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
        Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
        Sure of my lines,
        No one is there.

        Don’t you love farce?
        My fault I fear.
        I thought that you’d want what I want.
        Sorry, my dear.
        But where are the clowns?
        Quick, send in the clowns.
        Don’t bother, they’re here.”

    • 43
      ???? says:

      UK entry for Eurovison 2011 takes time out during rehearsals at the O2 Arena

      • 90
        Sid JAMES says:

        Those who feel the breath of sadness
        Sit down next to me
        Those who Find there touched by madness
        Sit down next to me

        • 170
          banana republican says:

          Lib Dem Glee club ponder whether choosing ‘No-one likes us we don’t care’ as post election party song was a wise move…….

          • anonymouse says:

            I’ll give my mate in the SEALS a call, they have a shoot to kill policy.

    • 309
      Anonymous says:

      If Clegg has a dignity he will resign as party leader and deputy PM. But being what he is, he will use the taxpayer given chaffer and car (Jag) to go and stay in the taxpayer funded house (worth £15m) and have a lovely time, every comfort is provider at the house including servants at taxpayers expense.

      Then he will give an interview on “nation interest”, the reason he is serving the public.

      • 329
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        Clegg has to stay because theres no-one else to do it.

        (ie cameron’s human shield. its just a flesh wound. bullet in the leg!)

    • 347
      Iloathlefties says:

      Nick Clegg is about to give a speach to the lib Dums on “Why he continues to be the best candidate to lead his party”.

  2. 2

    Surrounded by a sea of blue?

  3. 3
    Grammar School Boy says:

    B. O. ?

  4. 4
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Zack Goldsmith sent me the invite. I hope I read it properly.

  5. 5
    I Squiggle says:

    “Go back to constituencies, and prepare for oblivion..”

  6. 7
    Baldric says:

    Lib Dems hold onto their core vote.

    • 224
      let clean out the waste says:

      checking out the removable seats for the party conference, just in case there are not so many of us and we want to have a small back room feel

  7. 8
    cheche says:

    That mixed bean salad was delicious

  8. 9
    Bobby Mugabe says:

    Caught with their pants down

  9. 10
    fat dave says:

    ack, remind me no beans for brekkie

  10. 11
    capt apollo says:

    Paddy ashdown ponders todays Sun wordsearch looking for the words lib dem, progressive and prepare for government

  11. 12
    I Squiggle says:

    Its ok team, I’ve got a plan to get us back up the ratings.. Lads? Lads?

  12. 13
    I Squiggle says:

    The Nick Clegg Appreciation Society may have overbooked the venue..

  13. 15
    Billy Blofeld says:

    I agree with Nick

  14. 16
    stupidstudent says:

    Fiona Hislop (SNP) just compared Scotland’s lack of independence to whats going on in the middle east. what planet is she on? Just on BBC’s Scotland results show about 5 mins ago. Do we still have the order of OTT Guido?

    • 19
      stupidstudent says:

      sorry wrong thread to post in

      • 84
        Yeah, right..... says:

        There can be no valid comparison.

        One is a poor, backward region with corrupt political practices, odious leaders, an unemployable, uneducated population and a historic reliance on oil.

        The other is the Middle East

        • 102
          P. Doff says:

          +1 LOL

        • 158
          AC1 says:

          + googleplex hehe

          • P. Doff says:

            OT: You’ve taken me back about 35 years… wasn’t it Carl Sagan who coined that word during one of the Royal Academy Christmas lectures on the (pre-socialist) BBC1? Pity he didn’t create a science or a general studies syllabus for UK schools… the UK would have produced students and graduates with intelligence!

          • The Paragnostic says:

            Going back further, P Doff – do you remember the series that Eric Laithwaite (RIP) gave on engineering? First real public showing of maglev principles, mad gyroscopes doing 30,000 rpm – that was probably the most informative series of Christmas Lectures since Faraday.

        • 197
          Span Ows says:


  15. 17
    Paddy Hashdune says:

    looks like I’m a lone voice in the wind again….or just a silly old fart as usual

  16. 18
    I Squiggle says:

    “I was going to say that’s the one seat we haven’t lost, but he’s a Lord, nobody votes for him..”

  17. 20
    HPDL says:

    A LibDem adrift in a sea of blue

  18. 21
    stupidstudent says:

    They all agree with nick.

  19. 22
    PD77 says:

    Dave Walsh says: A Lib-Dem can have my seat for £50!

  20. 23
    grumpyspindoctor says:

    Paddy welcomes new Lib Dem councilors into the fray of local Government

  21. 24
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    “We wont have that many seats next election”

  22. 25
    Steve Miliband says:

    Lord Ashdown can’t believe Chelsea just beat United

  23. 26
    DarkLordsofSpin says:

    I knew I should have booked the phone box outside to hold this conference

  24. 27
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    “This isnt Lords, bloody sat nav”

  25. 28
    bald old git says:

    Official photo, the Libdem parliamentary group, 2015

  26. 29
    Vladikavkaz says:

    When I was told I was going to get a safe seat, this wasn’t what I was expecting

  27. 30
    I Squiggle says:

    Hmmm.. 2 Down: C, something, A, something. “What did the electorate think of AV?”

  28. 31
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    “UEFA deny that over-Pr*cing caused the lack of intrest in the champions league final at Wembley”

  29. 32
    We live in interesting times says:

    O/T Hearing rumours which not being a constitutional expert I can’t comment if correct ….. that in the event that SNP hold referendum on independence and win it …the UK Government(Secretary of State for Scotland) in Westminster can under the provisions of the Scotland Act 1998 veto any legislation and instruct the First Minister not to submit any such Bill that the Scottish Parliament may enact to the Sovereign for Royal Assent so if true Salmond cannot put legislation in motion to take Scotland out of the Union as such a move would not receive Westminster Parliamentary approval so it seems the Independence Referendum even if it’s a vote for independance can’t achieve it’s stated aim. So perhaps we now know why Salmond has deferred such a move until later in the Parliament by which time people will have forgotten all about it ?

    • 40
      stupidstudent says:

      sure UK government could do that the real parliament is sovereign the one in holyrood isn’t. But it would be a major political own goal to do so. But wont come to that. Referendum either wont hapen or will fail.

    • 59
      And let's shoot that Barnet geezer while we're at it says:

      If the politicians in London stop Scotland gaining independence, there will be such a backlash from the English that the MPs’ lives won’t be worth living.

  30. 33
    chris huhne says:

    paddy booked a premier league football team stadium to have the post election rally in. they said that they had won as much as us, unfortunately it was everton

  31. 34
    PD77 says:

    Lord Pantsdown: Looks like I win at Musical Chairs, so what’s the prize?

  32. 35
    I Don't Agree With Nick says:

    Did I ever mention that I was in Special Forces…. Oh, I did.. ? Nurse!!!!!?

  33. 36
    Steve Miliband says:

    Producer forgot to tell Ashdown that 10 o’clock Live had been scrapped

  34. 37

    The Gordon Brown comeback evening, was not a success.

  35. 39
    PD77 says:

    At the hard boiled egg eating contest Lord Pantsdown wins in both the amount consumed and his ability in clearing the room afterwards!

  36. 41
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    “vince cables speech to conference doesnt go down to well”

  37. 42
    boulay says:

    paddy waited impatiently for the annual “philandering famous people who have been caught out by the tabloids but were not clever enough to take out an injunction” party to begin.

  38. 44
    The truth is out says:

    Joking aside, Ashdown let the cat out the bag on Question Time last night when he revealed what Labour told the Lib Dem’s during negotiations last May. He said the Lib Dem’s asked Labour if they were prepared to go into a coalition, and they said no, that they had created the mess and wanted to leave it to the Lib Dem’s and Tories to clear it up. Andy Burnham looked panicked by Ashdown letting this slip and started shouting, aided by an even more Labour dominated audience than usual who started shrieking at Ashdown.

    • 70
      Paddy has a Paddy says:

      Very bad chairing by Dimbleby. Ashdown had lost his temper and was about to spill all the beans about what happened but Dimbleby let Burnham and the audience mob shout him down and the moment was lost.

    • 214
      Fuck Tesco again says:

      That’s a most interesting post, The Truth is Out, especially for those who can’t stand the over-paid and under-talented Son of Nepotism Dimblebore and his pathetically out of date leftward-leaning programme. Let’s hope the likelihood of implosion will pressure Pantsdown to spill a few more embarrassing beans. Your contribution is a welcome antidote to the increasingly desperate and pointless drivel on Guido’s blog, especially from the over-ubiquitous Anonymous and the weird Lord Bowden.

    • 334
      NuAttack Dog says:

      I only watched for 4 minutes and couldn’t help but note the audience were cherry picked Labour diehards, even more than usual as you say. Switched over further sickened at the blatantly partisan BBC. Privatize them Dave – please.

  39. 46
    The Fallen Angel says:

    Paddy Ashdown discovers the flaw in his plan to assassinate Nick Clegg from the safety of a Lib-Dem conference crowd and tries to act nonchalant….

  40. 47
    QWERTY says:

    “I voted YES to AV”

    • 69
      Phil says:

      On a more amusing note saw on another blog
      ” No one can buy my vote(for anything less than a fiver)”
      I voted No.

  41. 48
    With apologies to #12 says:

    The Nick Clegg Appreciation Society’s annual meeting gets into full swing.

  42. 49
    Gordon Brown's Glass Eye says:

    Under AV the blue seat would have got elected.

  43. 50
    Flashy1822 says:

    Paddy, you have been evicted. Please leave the big house.

  44. 51
    PD77 says:

    Suicide bomber at the Lib-Dem 2015 post election party fells silly as he realises no ones coming!

  45. 52
    QWERTY says:

    Silly bitch on Radio 5 “It was a moderately good night for the Tories and ?Labour”

    Labour? It was a fucking disaster for Labour!!!

    The BBC still spinning for Red Ed

  46. 53
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    “Nick cleggs fairwell party doesnt quite go to plan”

  47. 54
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    The annual meeting of the LimDem Appreciation Society is in full swing.

  48. 55
    QWERTY says:

    “Paddy Pantsdown at a heterosexuals only meeting of the Lib Dems”

  49. 56
    alan Philip Bonggg says:

    Is this the one safe seat?

  50. 57
    Zorro Cromwell says:

    If we had had AV we would at kleast have come an honourable fourth

  51. 61
    Martin Day says:

    Paddy “I’m pissing myself with laughter at this “sell -out” concert of Guido Fawkes in concert with Peppa Pig”

  52. 63
    Invicta says:

    Paddy sits through 30mins of adverts while Nick gets the popcorn

  53. 64
    Dave Poole says:

    … so, when I was in special forces……..

  54. 65
    anonymouse in the treasury skirting boards says:

    No, it’s alright, nurse. My party will be along in a minute, I’m sure of it……

  55. 68

    Returning officer.

    “…And in this section we’ve allocated all the people we think we’ll need to count the YES to AV votes.”

  56. 71
    Little Boy Blue says:

    It’s me wot won it for them.

  57. 72
    Anonymous says:

    “This meeting of the LibDem Parliamentary Party for 2015 is now open. I call myself to order …”

  58. 73
  59. 74
    QWERTY says:

    I see Alky Ada are now reported to have admitted that the Seals did in fact takeout the bin the other day.

    So how will the Alex Jones leftie nut jobs react now? No doubt they will tell us that Alky Ada wants us to think Bin Bag is dead so he can safely carry on as before.

    Perhaps the aliens have him?

    • 82
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      If its a conspiracy they are, as usual, making sure they get very very many dull stupid details ring true. (including buggering up their story).

    • 91
      jgm2 says:

      They’re a bit late with the news. It was all over the TV for the last five days. Haven’t they got any TVs in their caves?

      C*unts been tied to an anchor and tossed in the sea too. Did you not get the memo?

      Silly fuckers. Still, compared to being 600 years behind the rest of the planet I suppose a week late is an improvement.

  60. 76
    Mr Haddock says:

    Paddy Ashdown contemplates the test results from his Oncologist and quickly realises that just like the Liberal Democrats he has very little time left.

  61. 78
    Anonymous says:

    Recollecting the old one about ‘Can I borrow tuppence to phone a friend? Here’s fourpence, phone them all” how about “Paddy Ashdown tells David Cameron he won’t need his money after all…””

  62. 79
    Cameron is guilty of a breach of faith says:

    Fairy Dairy Land is nothing amazing.

  63. 80
    Lat Long says:

    Paddy looking at his Diary suddenly realises.

    “Shit, I’m supposed to be at St Ives Cornwall not St Ives Cambridgeshire.”

  64. 81
    Election night swing-o-meter says:

    And this is how many empty seats the Liberals will have to fill if they’re going to form a government.

  65. 83
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    “Order-Orders first annaul caption contest award ceromony”

  66. 85
    jgm2 says:


    1345: Shadow chancellor Ed Balls, being interviewed by David Dimbleby, said “it was a bad result for Labour last night.

    Maybe so. But a great result for England.

    • 89
      QWERTY says:

      Bad night for the BBC

      • 117
        jgm2 says:

        Getting worse…

        1402: Brian Taylor, BBC Scotland’s political editor, points out that Labour designed the voting system in Scotland with the express aim of preventing the SNP ever winning an overall majority. That plan has backfired spectacularly, he says, with this “astounding” victory.

        Spelling out what we all knew. The voting system in Scotland was rigged to ‘ensure’ a Labour playground Uber Alles. A thousand year reich of idiocy where Labour could spend their guaranteed income buying votes in perpetuity. Somewhere that would always have plenty of spare cash for party funds and a limitless pool of imbeciles to emerge from time to time and give the wider UK the benefit of their idiocy.

        And it’s blown up in their faces after only 13 years.

        Did Labour, in their entire 13 years in power get anything right?

        • 128
          Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

          Kept us out the Euro? Tho for the wrong reasons the right descion.

          • jgm2 says:

            Can you count that as a ‘right’ decision in that case?

          • Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

            for Labour, Yes :-)

          • Anonymous says:

            But sold our gold to prop it up and telegraphed the fact they were selling it beforehand helping to depress the price.

            I know of no competent UK politician, anywhere!

          • Hampshire Tory says:

            That is the one thing I am prepared to acknowledge that Gordoom got right.

        • 139
          Llew says:

          Yes, one thing, on May 12th 2010.

        • 172
          The revenge of The Scots says:

          It’s ok jgm2 you don’t need to thank us, honestly it’s no trouble at all.

          • jgm2 says:

            I timed my exit perfectly though didn’t I? Saw the writing on the wall and left. Pity the poor fuckers trapped there now with the knowledge that the votes in Scotland go to whoever promises more of OPM.

        • 201
          Gonk says:

          Yes. The law requiring dog owners
          to clear up after their mutts is a
          triumph. And, Yes, now let me see.
          Yes that’s it.

        • 211
          Mr Nice says:

          The smoking ban in pubs. I quit in advance (2005) – so far I’ve saved about £13K.

          • jgm2 says:

            Introduced by the EU – compulsory hence Euro-wide adoption. Fuck all to do with Labour. Next?

      • 327
        The Paragnostic says:

        I won’t be convinced that it’s a bad night for the BBC until I hear reports of empty Prussic Acid bottles in the corridors.

        And even then it’ll be a great night for the rest of us.

  67. 86
    QWERTY says:

    Scouse bitch on Radio 5 just sounded SO HAPPY when she said that “Labour had taken Blackpool from the Tories”

    Finally some good news for the BBC. A lot of drugs and shit stabbing in Blackpool, should be popular with Radio 5 when they move up to Salford.

    • 184
      Nemo says:

      A long way to catch up with Lodon eh

    • 241
      Mornington Crescent says:

      The chutney ferrets, dykes and beardies have just become the largest party in Brighton. Cue BBC orgasm.

    • 328
      The Paragnostic says:

      They don’t need to go as far as Blackpool – Canal Street and its environs are a veritable Sodom in the very centre of Manchester.

  68. 87
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Ashdown wanted to go and watch ManU v’s Chelsea but realises that there are no Lib Dem seats left

  69. 88

    Ashdown checks his ticket…

    No, its definitely today….
    “Raith Rovers, Stark’s Park stadium..3pm. Gordon Brown’s ‘Beyond belief The Crash I caused’ signing..Bring your own drink. Strictly ticket only. No refunds”

  70. 92
    Question Crime says:

    Watch last night’s Question Time on iplayer. If you thought previous editions had a Labour biased audience, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Last night’s lot were constantly shouting down any criticism of Labour and whooping Andy Burnham’s stream of lies. And you also had the gruesome spectacle of Yazbin Alibi Drown complaining that Bin Laden’s rights were violated!!

    • 97
      jgm2 says:

      If Labour fail to gain more than 1000 council seats in England, fail to get an overall majority in Wales and lose Scotland is that a bad result for the two Neds?

    • 113
      Greychatter says:

      Question Time has always had a Labour bias – Dimbleby will always talk the Torys down in favour of Labour.

    • 133
      Southern Softy says:

      I have never seen anything so biased.
      However, Dimbleby said at the end that it was the last show by that editor.
      This could go one of two ways.
      My guess is that it will get more extreme, pro Liebour.
      The text pickers need a lesson in balance too.

      • 150
        jgm2 says:

        The trouble with the ‘text-pickers’ is that it is entirely possible, just as bed-wetters obviously apply to be in the audience in massively disproportionate numbers to their actual numbers, that the bed-wetters simply overwhelm the the system with their bed-wetter ‘facts’ and ‘logic’.

    • 149
      Hugh Janus says:

      I would watch it, but if I do so my screen will be in mortal danger.

    • 183
      Nemo says:

      Who was that child sitting next to Paddy (Padraig), he is a true Irish man, is he a general or admiral or head of fighter command seen service war at first hand seen his colleagues shot and die in front of him, he talked like one.

  71. 93

    Paddy struggles with his Ipad until it dawns on him he’s been sold a mouse mat.

  72. 94
    Mornington Crescent says:

    O/T, it’s nearly 2 o’clock in the afternoon and less than half the councils have declared. WTF’s going on in this third world country?

    • 99
      Muslim cunt says:

      We haven’t finished faking all the postal votes yet infidel

      • 135
        Southern Softy says:

        They’re waiting for the last post to make sure all the postal votes are counted.

    • 153
      Hugh Janus says:

      In NI they were still awaiting their first result when I last looked at 12.30. A bit slow over there – shoes and socks off to aid counting I expect.

      • 332
        The Paragnostic says:

        They had to fit the count in between Sext and None, with an additional session before Vespers if needed,

  73. 95
    O' Sullivan's John says:

    ‘What time does the snooker final start?’

  74. 96
    QWERTY says:

    Anyone else just hear Shelagh Fogherty on Radio 5 have a nice little chat with Ed Balls? She didn’t interrupt him once, gave him a soft ride and didn’t really challenge him over his cuts.

    • 101
      jgm2 says:

      No. I don’t believe it. That doesn’t sound like the BBC at all.

    • 121
      Shelagh Fogherty says:

      Oh, Ed, tell the audience how simply super you are! Tell them, Ed, don’t be bashful! Ooh, Ed, tell them *unzipping noise* how clever you are, tell them *mumble* *sound of sucking*

  75. 98
    Guff Trumper says:

    Blimey! That one was about 500 calories a sniff.

  76. 100
    HandsomeDavid says:

    Newsnight audience with the BBC Labour stooges removed.

  77. 103
    jillian says:

    “Alone again, naturally..”

  78. 105
    Greychatter says:

    Paddy: I’m a Lib/Dem/Socialist – “waiting for Gordo” – to make a come-back!!

  79. 106
    Nick Clegg says:

    I’m hundreth!

  80. 107
    Anonymous says:

    Lord Ashdown surrounded by Lib Dem supporters.

  81. 108
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    “Paddy Power relise they asked the wrong Paddyto come and film thier new advert”

  82. 109
    Paddy says:

    Home Alone

  83. 110
    Yuk says:

    “Perhaps supporting Bin Laden on QT last night didn’t do my popularity much good, after all”.

  84. 112
    Cynic says:

    Last Lib Dem afraid to leave his seat …….. just in case

  85. 114
    Cynic says:

    ” I know we should never have sat on these blue seats”

  86. 116
    Cynic says:

    “Oh fuck ….fuck fuck fuck fuck”

  87. 118
    Concrete Pump says:

    This is a good one on the ConHome website

    Satan’s on the phone to Nick Clegg: “Did you not read the small print? The contract’s only valid for 12 months.”

    • 148
      Nemo says:

      Nick wants to know if you want an early election, he’s game nothing left to lose anyway.

      • 202
        California Dreaming says:

        Apart from his seat of course and the total annihilation of his party

      • 205
        Mr Nice says:

        Nothing left to lose, and no money to fight a General Election campaign.

  88. 119
    BillyBob... No benefits for immigrants, reform reform!! says:

    Billy Flokin’ No_mates


    forgot where he put his pants!!

    Liar liar pants on fire !!

    • 145
      Nemo says:

      You talking about B’Liar he will be sending a super injunction out to you

  89. 120
  90. 122
    Steve Miliband says:

    Lord Ashdown enjoys the Marcus Brigstock sell out tour

  91. 123
    Tooth fairy says:

    “Always look on the bright side of live” tata da daaa da da

  92. 126
    Cynic says:

    or even

  93. 127
    jgm2 says:

    It’s a Zen thing.

    If a Lib-dem cries in an empty stadium does he make any noise?

  94. 130
    Hilbre Lad says:

    “Lord of the Aisles”

  95. 131
  96. 134
    Nemo says:

    It’s enoughto make you weep!

  97. 138
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    …99, 100. Ready or not, here I come!

  98. 141
    Dorian Smith says:

    “At least I have more friends than Chris Huhne, I suppose”.

  99. 142
    Anonymous says:

    Paddy Ashdown with all of his friends…..

  100. 143
    Paddy is ronery says:

  101. 146
    Backwoodsman says:

    Pompous old wind bag sent to naughty step for saying very rude things about his former bestest friend, David.

  102. 147
    Unwilling Funder of Left Wing Social Engineering (still unwilling under CMD) says:

    That Was The Week That Was:

    Pippa, nice arse.

    Paddy, total arse.

  103. 154
    Labour totally fucked in Scotland says:

    SNP just took another Labour seat. Rather deliciously, they just said the next seat to announce will be Killkiddies! It will be particularly satisfying if the SNP have taken a Labour seat in Jonah’s backyard!

  104. 156
    Desperate Dan says:

    Facts the LibDems are making up:

    105. Your (Tory) MP doesn’t care about your job.

    106. Do as we say and your MP will work harder.

    107. The LibDems never make up facts.

    108. If it wasn’t for us the Tories wouldn’t be reducing the deficit.

    109. If it wasn’t for us no-one would have been taken out of tax.

    etc. etc. etc.

  105. 157
    Labour totally fucked in Scotland says:

    SNP have just won Killkiddies and now have an overall majority in Scottish parliament!

    • 162
      Phantom says:

      Bye Scotland, thanks for all the oil.

      Now if you could RBS off our hands that’ll be great.

      P.S. You can keep Gordon Brown too…..

      • 199
        Mr Nice says:

        How about, “when you fuck off, take Gordon with you or we’re keeping the Bank of Scotland, which we had to bail-out for you, you clod-headed morons.”

        Not that it’s worth much, but it probably has sentimental value for them.

    • 219
      Monty says:

      Ex-cellent !

  106. 159
    Martin Day says:

    “I’m pissing myself “

    • 233
      The BBC says:

      Typical Liebore voter, they tend to soil their pants as well and are unable to feed themselves.

    • 236
      is it says:

      Martin – I hear Gordon also has that problem. You should ask his Sarah if you can borrow some of Gordons pads.

  107. 160
    Phantom says:

    Paddy Ashdown declares himself leader of the New Liberal Democrat Party.

    Next meeting, Charing Cross Station, 2nd telephone box on the left…

    • 316
      Postlethwaite says:

      Paddy Ashdown declares himself leader of the New Liberal Democrat Party.

      That i like +1

  108. 164
    Hugh Janus says:

    How the hell did I make all these turn blue??

  109. 165
    Gordons Legacy says:

    Gordon Browns Kirkcaldy constituency reject Labour and have votes SNP to give them an outright majority in Scots Parliament. Thank you Gordon the gift that keeps on Giving.

  110. 166
    Silent Bob says:


  111. 167
    VEDETTE says:

    Where are they now?

  112. 168
    Labour wiped out in Scotland says:

    Huhney monster on bbc with Sadick Khunt.

  113. 169
    Song for Ed says:

    5 more years 5 more years

  114. 173
    Gordon Brown says:

    Kirkcaldy has not gone to the SNP. That’s a Tory smear. In real terms, my policies have led to a 894% increase in employment that in terms of post-endogenous growth theory will see a 0% rise in tractor production, and that means Kirkcaldy is still a Labour stronghold. Wibble.

  115. 176
    is it says:

    Paddy makes the decision between the devil or the deep blue sea–ts

  116. 177
    The real nasty party says:

    We all know what will happen now with all the Labour council gains. They’ll give their chief executives a massive salary whilst cutting front line services, and then blame the government for the cuts. That’s what Labour are all about. Line their own pockets and deliberately give their constituents poor services as a political game to score points against the coalition. Labour have no qualms about playing politics with people’s lives and jobs.

    • 215
      jgm2 says:

      Already happening.

      • 221
        jgm2 says:

        After 180-ish out of 280-ish councils they’ve only got 45 councils in total compared to the T*ries 90-odd so they can only fuck up places that are pre-fucked ie Labour heartlands.

        Struggling to give a shit. Those shaved monkeys deserve everything Labour throws at them.

        • 229
          QWERTY says:

          Well said

        • 259
          BBC News says:

          We like the phrase ‘pre-fucked’ (it’s really progressive) when referring to certain councils and will endeavour to use it at every opportunity when referring to those that are Conservative-controlled.

  117. 178
    Paddy says:

    0000 no
    1111 no
    2222 no
    3333 no

    0111 no
    0222 no
    0333 no

    9000 no
    9111 no
    9222 no

  118. 179
    The Fall of The Boardwalk Empire says:

    Gordon Brown, Stephen Purcell, Jim Devine your boys took one He’ll of a beating last night !

  119. 180
    Ben says:

    wincing here

  120. 181

    Ashdown changes his answer to the NUTS quiz.
    “C – Lacy thong and tassels set.” – I thought they meant for me to wear.

  121. 189
    The Curse of Sarah Beard? says:
  122. 190
    is it says:

    the real Billy is exposed at the first meeting of the umpire appreciation society

  123. 194
    Clear Blue Seating between Paddy and the Coalition says:

    Paddy thought that the losses were bad but until he turned up at the annual meeting of the Association of LibDem Councillors he didn’t appreciate just HOW bad

  124. 195
    Goodbye from him and its goodbye from me says:

    Thinks; Now did they say the conference was in Blackpool or Bournemouth ?

  125. 196
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:


  126. 198
    What happened? says:

    Did the £50 an hour Lib Dem escort win?

  127. 204
    Geordie Scoot says:

    Lord Pantsdown arrives just in time for the premiere of “An Evening with Gordon Brown”

  128. 206
    StrongholdBarricades says:

    About as welcome as a turd in a swimming pool

  129. 207
    On Old LibDem talks to himself says:

    Where did it all go wrong…..?? Things were so so good last year…..

  130. 208
    Pantsdown’s Dead Parrot Party. says:

    The Lib Dems are finished, kaput, not alive anymore and about as attractive now as the proverbial dead parrot.

    As for Paddy Pantsdown, (I was in the special services you know) he was an utter disgrace to the UK on QT last night. He wants The West to “follow the rule of law” against people we are at war with, like the terrorist Odorous Bin Liner.

    He has lost the plot in a big way, even asked a fellow panellist “how old are you” in an attempt to belittle him. He has become the Chief of the Chief when it comes to being sanctimonious. He is just an old has been with a bad temper and should be quietly put out to grass in a field far, far away.

    As for Yazbin Alibi (also on QT) the woman is plainly anti British and dangerously delusional. She should be locked up or thrown out with the rest of the Mullah Musses who would do this country down. (I did Google her but only got pictures of Michael Winner, Sarah Brown and Guido Falkes). Must be a moral there somewhere!

    • 237
      All political careers end in failure says:

      I used to like Paddy, but he’s definitely been OD’ing on the Smug Pills for a few years.

    • 345
      A Modern Man says:

      I thought the same about Ashdown, used to like the fella but not any more- ha has become a sanctimonious old fart.
      The horrid liitle Yasmin woman is an utter disgrace and needs to be deported.
      Question Time is so biased in favour of Liebore and needs to be shelved.
      It is utter crap!!!

  131. 209
    Sir William Waad says:

    Turnout at the Bosnian Serb Republic Army reunion was disappointing.

  132. 210
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    “if only we elected a Hunt as leader, Oh we did…”

  133. 212
    Sir William Waad says:

    The conference was over, but Paddy was still struggling with Level 9 of ‘Breach of Faith 2 – Total Meltdown’.

  134. 217
    jockstrap says:

    and in conclusion i would like to thank all my friends family and loyal liberal voters for their support and i accept their nomination as mayoral candidate, house of lords go suck it.

  135. 218
    Ha ha says:

    Guido, surely a new thread is in order to celebrate the delicious Labour defeat in Brown’s backyard of Killkiddies? :-D

    • 227
      QWERTY says:

      SNP jobs paid for by English tax payers

      • 232
        A Deluded Scotch Wanker says:

        Oil! You’ll be broke without us! You’ll be sorry! You’re a tiny country and we’re massive! etc etc etc

  136. 230
    smoggie says:

    LibDem Conference has its quorum.

  137. 234
    Labour spin says:

    I love how Yvette Balls on the bbc is trying to spin last night as a good night for Labour!! That’s quite a talent.

    • 243
      jgm2 says:

      She obviously hasn’t spoken to her husband. Probably couldn’t get a word in edgeways anyway.

      1345: Shadow chancellor Ed Balls, being interviewed by David Dimbleby, said “it was a bad result for Labour last night.

      • 312

        “..a bad night for labour.. I am fully behind the leader.. full support for him…maybe it would have been better under another leader…someone who isn’t a fourth choice candidate..someone who has much more experience..of course, I do really support the know..i’m just saying..”

        • 317
          jgm2 says:

          Ned Balls – even more implicated in the Labour economic clusterfuck than Ned Miliband.

          Cameron gains council seats. Labour fails to take control of Wales and is practically annihilated in Scotland.

          Cameron will be delirious with joy this afternoon. And champagne.

    • 255
      peace is war, freedom is slavery says:

      I wonder what Mad Hattie’s take on it is. “The public have given us a clear message that they want us to return to government blah blah blah.”

      • 321
        jgm2 says:

        Except government in Scotland. They gave us a clear message they want fuck-all to do with us there.


        Fuck off Labour.

  138. 238
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    Anyone reckon i got a chance of wining?

  139. 239
    john in cheshire says:

    From the Gilbert O’Sullivan (remember him?) song – Alone Again, Naturally.

  140. 240
    Jo Coburn is fit says:

    Referendum counting begins at 4.

  141. 242
    Restandbthankful says:

    Am I right in saying McBroon has been ousted by SNP?

    • 244
      Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

      No, its scottish election not MP election.

    • 246
      jgm2 says:

      No. Sadly he’s still an MP. 65K a year for being an incompetent, economy-destroying c*unt.

      Mind you, his imbecile government might have inadvertently done us all a favour if the SNP carry out their threat and fuck off with their 60 or so Labour MPs.

      • 253
        value for money says:

        65K p/a not to show up for work.

        You can tell he’s got Britain’s financial interests at heart.

        • 266
          Hugh Janus says:

          “You can tell he’s got Britain’s financial interests at heart.”

          Now that really would be a first.

  142. 249
    Pantsdown says:

    When will somebody bring me a pair of trousers

  143. 252
    BREAKING NEWS: Labour resignation says:

    Iain Gray will stand down in the autumn.

    • 307
      5 bellies Smiff says:

      any chance we could put him and the one eyed mong in a room with a couple of large Whisky’s and a couple of loaded revolvers?

  144. 254
    QWERTY says:

    *************BBC Newsnight****************

    The Tories will be smashed today losing 1000+ seats

    It will be a great night for Labour who will take 1300+ seats.

    The worlds finest fucking broadcaster my fucking arse, the bunch of doped up left wing tools.

  145. 257
    genghiz the kahn says:

    we are lib dems,
    we are lib dems,
    no one likes us,
    we don’t care,

    • 271
      LimpDim Meltdown says:

      Soon, they can go back the comfortable sofa of opposition, dreaming their dreams and thinking up unaffordable policies and making unkeepable promises.

  146. 258
    QWERTY says:

    How do you get 4 green’s on a council seat?

    Turn it upside down and lubricate the legs

  147. 261
    Snotrocket says:

    “No, no John, before I answer your question – and we will get back to it, let me just say this, on behalf of all the people here (aside: this is radio, isn’t it?)…..”

  148. 262
    QWERTY says:

    Every time Liebore take a council Radio 5 make it breaking news, when the Tories take one they don’t report it.

    • 275
      BBC News says:

      Comrade Robinson reports that Labour have won a million billion seats and the Tory-led government have been dealt a hammer-blow by the glorious Workers.

  149. 265
    Claim to fame says:

    Don’t forget; I watched people die.

  150. 268
    Abdul says:

    No, infidel! I have still sending my 52,941 posting votes!

  151. 270
    Phico says:

    Lord Ashdown meets the 2015 intake of the Liberal Democrats PLP

  152. 274
    Commonsense says:

    Liberating a fart.

  153. 276
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    “Paddy Ashdown attends Parliamentry hetro-sexual group of the Lib dems”

  154. 279
    Ian E says:

    Paddy is feeling blue again!

  155. 280
    Gordon Brown PM says:

    My intervention in Labour’s campaign in Scotland proved crucial, even if I say so myself.

  156. 281
    Scotland Courier says:


    ► 14.17 Kirkcaldy goes to the SNP! This is Gordon Brown’s backyard. “One of the safest seats in Scotland, it would be a major shock if anyone but Labour won in Kirkcaldy.” That’s what we said ahead of voting day. Details soon.

    • 287
      jgm2 says:

      And here’s how Labour managed to pick up a few council seats. By waging a proxy-war with tax-payers money and depriving their political enemies of funds….

      However, the party had to rein back on its campaign spending with debts of more than £500,000, which it has said it expects to pay off by the end of the year.

      The B&P was facing doubts over its future after costly court cases brought against it including one by the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

      Job done lads.

      These, remember, arethe same folk who arrested a T*ry MP for leaking mildly embarrassing immigration figures and claiming that it was a matter of national security.

      Utter, utter c*unts.

      • 306
        5 bellies Smiff says:

        Yes but arresting that Tory twat stopped you talking about my husband wanking himself stupid didn’t it?

        • 315
          jgm2 says:

          But weirdly not you talking about folk wanking themselves stupid. I suppose after losing your seat you have a lot more time to talk wank these days.

          • the last quango in paris says:

            perhaps we can stand next to Ed Miliband (or GB) with a t-shirt depicting a grave with Labour written on it (and a picture of a grave as opposed to a grace of a war hero).

      • 334
        Non believer says:

        B&P fuc ked themselves over, Griffin is a troughing wanker who’s been sucking the party dry for years, just look at the “Truth truck” incident and all the ‘friendly’ printers they’ve used previously.

        Blood suckers the lot of them, just like any other party with the additional benefit of having genuine neo na zis in their leadership who get arrested for conspiring to kill their leader.

        Labour of have got a lot of things to answer for but the demise of the B&P isn’t one of them.

  157. 283
    Now for the second verse says:

    In a little while from now,
    If I’m not feeling any less sour
    I promised myself to treat myself
    And visit a nearby tower,
    And climbing to the top,
    Will throw myself off
    In an effort to make it clear to who
    Ever what it’s like when your shattered
    Left standing in the lurch, at a church
    Where people ‘re saying,
    “My God that’s tough, she stood him up!
    No point in us remaining.
    May as well go home.”
    As I did on my own,
    Alone again, naturally

  158. 284
    Yes to AV says:

    Wow the South West had a 45% turnout out for the AV. They will be a majority of YES.

  159. 285
    Kesterr says:

    Directive from Tory High Command: “stop gloating, be nice to your electoral flak jacket”.

  160. 288
    Hugh Janus says:

    Pantsdown is forced to go on the naughty seat after another outburst at his anger management session.

  161. 290
    Nigel Farage says:

    ‘They told me it would be a low turnout but this is pants’

  162. 294
    Andrew says:

    Paddy listens to a little Patsy Cline…

    “Crazy, I’m crazy for feeling so lonely
    I’m crazy, crazy for feeling so blue-e-e-e
    I knew you’d love me as long as you wanted
    And then someday you’d leave me for somebody new…”

  163. 296
    weybridgeman says:

    Someone forgot to tell Paddy the Coalition was over……..

  164. 301
    Sir William Waad says:

    One section of the Hillsborough stand was strangely empty.

  165. 302
    QWERTY says:

    fuck me take a look at Peter Hain on BBC news now, he’s like a glowing amber traffic light, I have to put sunglasses on.

    • 305
      jgm2 says:

      Ah, BA stewardess orange. Haven’t seen that for a couple of weeks.

      • 342

        Has he said “Tory-led, too far, too fast,” yet?

        They all say it. It was a Campbell trick. Not just on message, but word for word on message. The Beeb should just record the first Labour drone and use the same tape whenever they need a quote.

        • 344
          Jessa Towell says:

          I was on the Beeb at lunchtime and managed to quote the mantra.

          Even I’m getting sick of it.

  166. 303
    jgm2 says:

    Poor old Bury…

    Now that’s bad luck.

  167. 304
    Labour says:

  168. 308
    Kesterr says:

    you got your second choice of voting reform… so is that still a win?.

  169. 310
    lizzie says:

    ” Wonder if I can get these seats recovered with yellow.

  170. 311
    Idle says:

    Paddy’s previous evening had started so well, as he treated Douglas Murray with contempt, had patronised him whilst oozing sanctimony, and had made Yasmin Alibai-Brown damp with excitement. He then wowed the audience with tales of derring do, killing enemy combatants with his bare hands and seeing his comrades die around him. All this delivered with his eyelids narrowed to mere slits, voice reduced to menacing sub-Churchillian growl. At any moment, one felt he might stab Murray in the throat. Truly, we were never so safe as when Paddy did our killing for us and then retired from active service to carry the standard of righteousness and liberal RECTITUDE in all things.

    After that, however, he found that even the QT identikit leftwinger and grievance-merchant audience were reduced to pointing at him and giggling as he fabricated stories about his pivotal role in the creation of a coalition with the Tories and condemning Broon to opposition and oblivion. He tried to get back on track with more war stories and dying comrades, but it was too late. The magic had worn off, the fizz had left the bottle, the audience suddenly aware of a naked charlatan in front of them.

    Suddenly, no one wanted to know Paddy any more.

  171. 322
    TJB says:

    Paddy Ashdown fights off the crowds at the Lib Dem Local Councillor’s summit.

  172. 323
    Anonymous says:

    Fuck you Kinnock you crass, taffy prick

  173. 326
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    : “Official GuidoGov exit poll: #No2AV have absolutely kicked the arse of #Yes2AV”

    Love simple polls :-)

  174. 330
    The last quango in paris says:

    The ‘yes’ vote victory party was a little prematurely arranged mused paddy.

  175. 337

    R5 right now.
    “The Tories didn’t get the blame. You did. The Tories have done fine, you’ve done badly. You took a bullet for the Tories.”

    Not really Peter.
    The Tories said there were cuts coming BEFORE the election. Then made cuts.
    Labour promised no cuts BEFORE the election, and even though they were lying, their message is consistent. No Cuts.

    The Libs promised NO CUTS and NO TAXES and free everything before the election and so… well , its bleedin’ obvious.

    No one likes a liar.
    Just ask Blair.

    • 341
      Non believer says:

      “No one likes a liar.”

      like call me dave?

      “I wouldn’t change child benefit, I wouldn’t means test it, I don’t think that’s a good idea”

      “Our plans involve cutting wasteful spending … our plans don’t involve an increase in VAT.”

      “Ed Balls keeps saying that we are committed to scrapping EMA. I have never said this. We won’t.”

      never mind anything he’s ever said about the EU, NHS or immigration

      he’ll say anything to anybody in order to curry favour, slimy PR tossbag that he is

  176. 348
    Grrrr says:

    Paddy agrees a quorum on one (with himself) to ensure he carries the whole party next time.

  177. 349
    Grrrr says:

    “Of one” even

  178. 350
    robbie says:

    Im sure Nick said the rally was here…..

  179. 351
    Doc Trough says:

    Eccchh! Hope she douches before I get back!

  180. 352
    YokshireLad says:

    A capacity crowd for The Wurzels reunion concert

  181. 353
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    ‘You can pull your pants back up now’

  182. 354
    Chief cashiet says:

    Bollocks I,ve put the wrong date in my diary, I should be here tomorrow.

  183. 356
    borderlinefools says:

    Dear Leader… no.
    Dear Mr Clegg… no.
    Dear Nick… no.
    Oh Dear.

  184. 357
    Tacitus says:

    Paddy, surrounded by all his friends and supporters, and forgetting who the real enemy is, planning his next attack on the government.

  185. 358
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    I am a friend and supporter of Paddy. We all have to stick together now, or none of us will be troughing any more.

Seen Elsewhere

Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette
Jenni Russell and Her Child’s Godfather, Ed Miliband | Breitbart
Labour’s Left and Right are Growing Restive | Staggers
Corrupt, Incompetent UN Has No Right to Lecture Us | Dan Hannan
Mirror’s Lazy Lie | Guardian
Hungary’s Heir to Thatcher | Conservative Woman
Farage and Salmond Both Want Outopia | David Aaronovitch
More Missing UKIP Money | Times
Church Should Fight Evil of Welfare Dependency | Stephen Glover
1 in 16 Pick Up Infections in Filthy NHS Hospitals | Mail
Let’s Get Evangelical | David Cameron

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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